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Sábado, 07 / 03 / 20

5 Signs Toxic Shame Is Taking Over Your Life & How to Stop It

 

5 Signs Toxic Shame Is Taking Over Your Life & How to Stop It

Sherrie Hurd

learning-mind.com

Posted March 6th, 2020.

 
 

 
It’s not wrong to feel ashamed about something, but it is wrong to harbor toxic shame. How can we stop doing this?
 
If you do something wrong, it’s perfectly normal to feel a little shame. But some of us struggle with the trap of unhealthy shame that always keeps us repeating past mistakes in our heads. Then this process causes damage to our self-esteem. One thing leads to another and then toxic shame takes over your entire life. This should never happen.
 
What is toxic shame?
 
Toxic feelings of shame come from an irrational place, producing feelings of worthlessness. This feeling can come from our mistakes, trauma that may not even be our fault at all, or even from events that span all the way back to our childhood. How do we know if we have shame and toxic habits? There are a few indicators that stick out like a sore thumb.
 
Signs of unhealthy shame
 
1. You wear masks
 
If you suffer from toxic shame, one of the most common things you will do is wear a mask to cover your true identity. It’s not a mask to cover your physical identity but a mask to cover who you are inside. The shame of this nature makes you feel like who you really are isn’t presentable for the public. So, you create a version of yourself that you think would look better to others.
 
2. You isolate yourself
 
Even ordinary shame will make you isolate yourself for a little while, but usually not for long. Most of the time regular shame fades a bit as friends and family support you while you forgive yourself.
 
With unhealthy shame, however, isolation can carry on for a long time, even after friends and family have tried to coax you out of your shell. If you’re isolating yourself from everyone and everything, you could be dealing with toxic shame from some source.
 
3. You won’t express yourself
 
Whatever happened to cause your shame, you refuse to speak about the situation. Usually, there is so much more than a linear story and much more than a concrete right and wrong. It’s important to express yourself when you’ve made mistakes or lived through traumatic events. It’s even more important to express yourself about childhood issues that have caused shame in adulthood.
 
4. You lie about many things
 
Toxic feelings of shame will make you lie because the truth is harder to accept. If you’re asked about various personal things, you will lie, not just by using denial, but also by fabricating the truth. By utilizing this behavior, you temporarily place a balm on your shame, which never lasts. If the shame is bad enough, you will continue to do this until you accept the truth for yourself.
 
5. Low self-esteem
 
It’s impossible to have positive self-esteem or good self-worth and toxic shame at the same time. Your negative feelings about yourself which have grown into an unrelenting shame will cause extremely low-self-esteem. If you have unhealthy shame, you will always put yourself down in front of others.
 
How can we get over feeling like this?
 
If you’ve already fallen victim to toxic shame, it’s not hopeless. Even if it originated from childhood trauma, you can still learn to defeat this self-defeating behavior. Because that’s exactly what it is. This behavior will eventually erode your entire view of yourself.
 
Being compassionate with yourself is one of the most important things to do in order to let go of unhealthy feelings. Keep in mind, that whatever happened, we are all human and imperfect, many of us are healing from something that victimized us or something we’ve done.
 
So cut yourself a little slack. The active way to start doing this is by using positive mantras about yourself. Every day say things like, “I am worthy”, “I am loved”, and “Someone needs me.”
 
Mindfulness, through things like meditation, reminds us about the truth. Toxic shame is actually the inability to take healthy responsibility for what happened if any responsibility even belongs to you. If not, then mindfulness can also help you realize how strong you are and how you can get through anything, even your past trauma. No matter how hard it is to understand, we are more resilient than we know.
 
Also, you can learn to turn that inner voice of shame into an expression of anger. No, it’s not healthy to express anger with violence, but it is healthy to understand that shame is an expression of being angry about your present feelings and your situation.
 
Toxic shame has got to go
 
The point here is, no matter what it takes, you have to learn how to put away those feelings of unwarranted shame. Whether it comes from childhood trauma, some mistakes you’ve made or more recent experience, adopting shame of a toxic nature will only make things worse, for you and for those you love and care about.
 
The best thing to do is to take responsibility for your actions and learn how to move on. That means creating a positive life for yourself, paired with a positive self-image.

 

Sherrie Hurd


 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

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publicado por achama às 13:03
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Segunda-feira, 03 / 02 / 20

7 Signs Your Emotional Baggage Is Keeping You Stuck and How to Move On.

7 Signs Your Emotional Baggage Is Keeping You Stuck and How to Move On.

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 31st, 2020.

 
 


 
When you just cannot move forward in life, it could be that your unresolved emotional issues are weighing you down. So many of us carry emotional baggage from somewhere. It shows in the way we speak, our actions, and even our expressions.
 
We can try to push and cram all our emotional belongings into a suitcase in our minds, but sooner or later, that suitcase is going to burst open, spilling all our emotional garbage everywhere. This won’t be a pretty site either.
 
What is emotional baggage?
 
Simply put, it is trauma, heartache, loss, love, lost friendships, and all other sorts of things. They are things that our minds refuse to release. For some reason, we keep ruminating and mulling over these issues, never finding closure or healing.
 
The baggage we carry with our emotions can spill out so far that it can affect others around us too, adding to their own problems. It’s just a complete mess and something that’s best eliminated or controlled.
 
Indicators that you’re stuck with emotional baggage
 
1. Repeating unhealthy relationships
 
Whether it’s the fact that you’ve been divorced several times, or you’re having problems connecting with the right people. If you’re repeating bad marriages or relationships, then maybe you’re carrying your baggage from one relationship to the other.
 
Now, this doesn’t mean the other party doesn’t have the baggage of their own. Sometimes it can be two people hashing through unhealthy pasts. However, it’s a big indicator that your emotional baggage is not letting you move on if you’re continually dating or associating with the same types of people.
 
2. You’re not living your potential
 
When you carry baggage from place to place, you will become weighed down, tired and even hopeless. Emotions passed from one experience to the other can kill passions that you used to have inside.
 
For example, if you love to garden, cook, play the piano, or other fulfilling things, your emotional baggage will leave you with no interest in these things anymore. If you don’t feel like doing the things you used to love, then that’s a sign you’re carrying the past into the present, and you’re alsostuck in that pattern, maybe even stuck with someone that doesn’t make you happy.
 
3. Mental illness can be a sign
 
Not all mental disorders are genetic. Some of them come from years of being stuck in an unhealthy place. Maybe you’ve been in a marriage for 20 years, enduring unhappiness for the sake of your children. Oh, how this is such a wrong thing to do. Actions like this can develop depression, anxiety, and other acquired problems.
 
With 20 unhappy years under your belt, you have several backpacks full of stuff you need to unpack. And for goodness sake, never stay for the kids. If a relationship is ruining your mental health, get out.
 
4. You haven’t faced the past
 
Sometimes really bad things happen in the past to people. Sometimes adults are survivors of childhood abuse or neglect. Sometimes adults are survivors of war, automobile accidents, or other trauma.
 
I’ve noticed that the first thing people want to do is forget about what happened, and this is the opposite of what they should be doing. Emotional baggage grows and grows the more trauma you ignore and the longer you keep it buried. If you’re not facing the past, you are dragging huge trunks of emotional belongings.
 
5. Your past is spilling into your future
 
You can have an otherwise healthy relationship, but it can be quickly tainted by things from the past. While there are red flags telling you that something is wrong, there are also coincidences that make you over-react and drag out old emotional scars. Then you apply these scars to your present situation.
 
If you’re taking a perfectly healthy union and basing it on all your damaged or broken unions of the past, then you are carrying baggage filled with old emotional content. If you happen to have a good partner, this is not fair to them.
 
6. Your sleeping habits are atrocious
 
Are you having trouble sleeping? If so, maybe you’re having nightmares every night. And if you are, then maybe it’s because of unresolved conflicts and trauma.
 
I have many traumatic situations from my past that invade my dreams most every night. Sometimes I feel okay in the morning, but sometimes I feel as though I’ve been run over by a truck. Until I get all this stuff cleaned out, my nights will continue to be inconsistent. This could be what’s happening to you too.
 
7. Emotional outbursts
 
For the most part, staying calm is pretty easy, but if you are carrying emotional baggage, eventually,there will be an outburst of some kind. It’s like cramming things in that suitcase we were talking about and not expecting it to pop open eventually.
 
 
If you have unresolved issues, hence the baggage, sooner or later, there will be an outburst of some kind. You would start yelling at someone after holding in your feelings for too long, or you could even get into a fight. If you’ve had any outbursts lately, then check to see if you have a bit of baggage left unchecked.
How can we move on?
 
 
The whole point of all this is to understand how to move past our emotional baggage. We have to unpack each item and take a close look at it. Do you have some childhood abuse folded up in there, maybe a whole stack of it? Then unfold it, look at it, and talk to someone about what happened. Yes, get help, and soon.
 
Do you have unhealthy past relationships rolled into the corner of the suitcase trying to hide and be forgotten? Well, grab those and learn what went wrong. Say there were two bad relationships, look at one, and objectively remember where the fights, disagreements, and divisions started.
 
Learn how not to repeat the same patterns. Most of the time, where relationships are concerned, it’s wise to stay alone for a few years between. Unfortunately, I know way too many people who hop from one relationship to the next, looking for better. Most of the time, they get the same or worse because they haven’t unpacked their baggage yet.
 
If emotional baggage concerns family relations, you have to continue staying in touch with your family despite what may have happened in the past. That is unless your family is the source of some kind of abuse, in which that baggage now has to be forgiven. If it’s just about old disagreements, you have to face each other and find a compromise.
 
There are many ways to unpack those suitcases and backpacks, but if you don’t you will carry them with you forever. And, no matter how old you are, you don’t want to have these things still sitting by your bedside at the end of your life. No regrets remember.
 
 
I hope you unpack your baggage soon. I am working on mine.
 

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


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A Trusty with Privacy Search 
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

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publicado por achama às 01:30
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Sábado, 14 / 12 / 19

10 Signs of Unresolved Trauma from Your Childhood and How to Deal with It

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 12th, 2019.

 
Unresolved Trauma Childhood.

 
 
Dealing with unresolved trauma isn’t as simple as trying to be more positive. This kind of trauma goes deep with its roots.
 
I seem to always be talking about trauma, abuse or some other unresolved issues. By now, you’d think I’d been cured of all my problems, but I’m not. My traumas run deep, and for a couple of stages of my life, I pushed them back, repressing what happened to me.
 
This isn’t healthy, but it’s a common defense system when you’ve gone through trauma. This could be what your loved ones are feeling and more.
 
Life-lasting effects of childhood trauma
 
When we experience traumatic things during childhood, some of us think it’s a part of the normal process of life. When I was abused, I actually thought it was supposed to happen, that is until I grew old enough to know the difference.
 
Unresolved issues concerning trauma don’t rear their ugly heads until we’re older, as with my situation, so we learn so much as we grow. Not everything we learn is positive. If someone you love has repressed childhood trauma, there are signs you can see and some just waiting beneath the surface.
 
As unresolved childhood trauma can affect the future, it’s best to find solutions to at least some of these issues.
 
10 ways to recognize unresolved trauma in your loved ones
 
1. You have no joy
 
If your friend’s childhood trauma has not been resolved, then they’ll have a difficult time feeling joy. Things that should make them look forward to tomorrow will have them dreading it instead.
 
Your friend may be able to feel a form of joy, however, or even be able to feed off some of the joy of others, but they will not have the pure joy of their own which comes from true happiness.
 
2. Trust issues
 
I can personally attest that I do not trust many people. And yes, I do have some unresolved issues from my childhood trauma. Trust is hard to have when your trust was broken in abuse. Whether your loved one was neglected or beaten, they saw people as bad and they lost trust in them.
 
If someone you love has trust issues, there could have been some terrible trauma in their past.
 
3. Nightmares
 
Boy, I must have many unresolved issues from my past traumas because I have nightmares or weird dreams every night. Yes, having nightmares on a regular basis could be a sign that your boyfriend or girlfriend has things from childhood that they haven’t faced. This could be any sort of abuse or neglect. Since these roots run deep, the nightmares are probably filled with vivid detail.
 
Sometimes they can be so disturbing they ruin sleep completely, leaving the one you love sweating and gasping for breath. To be honest, I had a nightmare so terrible one time that I woke screaming. So yeah, those bad dreams, they could very well be telling you something important about your loved one’s past.
 
4. Self-harm
 
Cutters aren’t just kids, well teens. Some adults resort to self-harm or self-mutilation. Adults, however, don’t always cut. Sometimes, they starve themselves, scratch sores on their skin or even pull out their hair.
 
These signs could be medical conditions as well, but you might want to do a bit of research into the past. Try to find out if these acts of self-violence come from negative childhood events. They could.
 
5. Extreme anger
 
Many times, those who have anger problems are either dealing with something extremely stressful now, or they could be exhibiting a release from the trauma of the past.
 
Unresolved trauma from the past builds and builds anger during our lifetime, even if we push it back and try to forget. It still festers until the trauma is faced. This extreme anger can damage others as well as actually affect health and shorten the lifespan. It can surely be one of the signs that something happened long ago.
 
6. Fears
 
Have you ever noticed someone get suddenly afraid for no logical reason? That’s because something has triggered that response.
 
 
When there are unresolved issues from the past, this fear will surface many times, and in strange situations. There may not seem like anything could possibly go wrong, but previous victims can still have fear.
 
7. Panic attacks
 
Whether your friend has an anxiety disorder or not, panic attacks can be a sure sign that there are unresolved issues. Panic attacks do happen randomly, but they are also triggered by something that reminds them of their childhood.
 
Panic attacks cause increased heart rate, hyperventilating, and other symptoms. Watch for these symptoms.
 
8. Avoiding people
 
It’s okay to be an introvert, but avoiding people all the time, and sometimes rarely leaving your home is just not normal. Something is going on that needs to be addressed.
 
This behavior could be the result of something traumatic that happened in childhood. If someone can’t be around people, then people cannot help them. They can even start to experience dissociation episodes as well.
 
9. Hypervigilance
 
Hypervigilance is always being on guard no matter how safe the surroundings may be. If your loved one wakes up expecting something negative is going to happen, and they go throughout the day thinking the same thing, they will remain in that fight or flight syndrome. This elevated state of being can be damaging to their health.
10. Addictions
 
Another sign of unresolved trauma is falling into addictive behavior. Everyone knows about addiction to alcohol and drugs, but there are many other things that can become an addiction.
 
 
If your loved one’s childhood was traumatic, they probably think about it more than they should. Sometimes these thoughts are just too hard to handle, and some turn to various addictions.
 
Unresolved issues from your childhood can be addressed
 
When you’re dealing with friends and loved ones who have unresolved pain and heartache from their childhood, you have to be careful and considerate. It might take you a while to understand what’s going on, and you may make mistakes when trying to help them, but it’s okay.
 
The best way to deal with unresolved and painful childhood trauma is to follow a few steps.
 
Talk to your loved one. Learn about what happened if they are willing to open up to you.
 
If there are unresolved issues, work together to figure out how to solve those issues. If you can’t help, seek the help of a professional who has a better understanding of unresolved childhood trauma.
 
Don’t be judgemental and never tell them how someone else easily healed from trauma. That can make them feel even worse.
 
Be a friend. Be a true friend, and coax them to do anything positive that you can.
 
Be as kind as possible, and don’t do anything extra that makes them even more hyper-vigilant. Learn their triggers and avoid them.
 
Slowly and carefully help them get used to a few people at a time.
 
 
Any trauma can be resolved with the right help
 
I’ve provided a few ways to help people who suffer from negative events from childhood. The most important part of this healing is getting to the root of what happened. That’s why you do the first tip from above and open up a dialogue with them.
 
If you feel like you don’t understand what they’re going through, get educated. After all, helping each other and learning how to do that is extremely important.
 
Remember, those who’ve suffered need hope. So, let’s help them keep it.



 Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 
 
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publicado por achama às 03:24
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Terça-feira, 03 / 12 / 19

5 Steps to Psychological First Aid You Can Use in Difficult Situations

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 2, 2019.

 
Psychological First Aid steps.

 
 
We have first responders for physical traumas or difficulties. Here’s a secret: psychological first aid is also important during hard times.
 
When trauma occurs, you hear the sirens. The ambulance, police and first responders are on the way. As humans, it’s our duty to try and help those who are in serious trouble. And I would like to add, it’s also our responsibility to be there for those who experience mental trauma or difficult situations as well.
 
Psychological first aid is on the way
 
If someone cannot be there for you personally, then there are steps to take during a mental emergency. If they can be, or if you’re the one helping, either way, these solutions are called psychological first aid.
 
The reason we need this type of care is that not everyone knows the right things to do or say, nor do those who experience mental difficulties or traumatic times understand what to do. So, that’s what we’re about to learn.
 
The steps to psychological help in difficult times
 
1. Create a safe environment
 
The first thing that must be done during trauma, is to remind yourself or the one you’re helping that the trauma is over. That fight or flight syndrome raging in the head must be calmed down to assess the current situation, which may be much better than before. Use simple words and don’t speak too fast.
 
2. Stay in that space
 
For a while, just practice breathing. This helps you to ground yourself. If it’s your friend, remind them to inhale and exhale deeply which regulates the heart rate. When you’re doing this, you’re remaining in that safe environment while the systems of your body follow your mind back into its normal state.
 
If the survivor of the difficult situation wants to talk, then talk with them, but if not, don’t ask questions at this time.
 
3. Build up strength
 
If you’re the one suffering, remind yourself that you are strong. You are not a victim, but a survivor. If you’re not the one facing difficult or traumatic times, remind your friend or loved one of their own strength and place focus on independence. This focus on caring for themselves will help them transfer from victim to survivor mode, and also helps them stand up to any additional confrontations or negative events presently happening.
 
4. Connect and show care
 
If you’re helping a loved one, say, for instance, get through a panic attack, making a connection is a great idea. Connecting with someone who may be experiencing a large range of symptoms, such as dissociation or anxiety, can keep them centered in the present.
 
You can talk about the good surroundings, and even introduce pets to help avert focus from panic to caring for another being. This is one reason why service animals are so important.
 
5. Use and talk about hope
 
During the difficult time, remind your friend or loved one who may be going through something painful, that there is always hope. Hope is so powerful, and it helps us see the positive aspects of every single situation. Thinking of hope, visualizing hope, and practicing hope can truly heal you from traumatic times or difficult situations. Never give up hope.
 
Psychological first aid also includes what NOT to do in these situations.
 
First of all, it’s not an exhaustive list of what to do, and what not to do, but there are a few things if prevented will move the process along much faster. This means getting from hurt to healing twice as fast.
 
So, remember, never make an assumption of what the person has experienced. Only listen as they tell you what they want you to know. Don’t talk about “symptoms” or “diagnosis” because this only makes a traumatic situation seem like a part of the victim’s imagination. This is bad.
 
Never talk down to someone who suffers in difficult times. Also, don’t pressure them to talk about the details even if they have started talking. The point is to let them lead, you follow, giving support as needed. And you will know when it’s time to be extra supportive.
 
Do not try to add details that aren’t there or haven’t been verified. Sometimes it’s best to sit back and watch certain things unfold. One more example would be a domestic altercation.
 
If a mediator is brought in because the altercation is elevating and getting out of hand, it’s best to get both parties calm first, then listen to each one, but one at a time. At some point, you will understand if you need to add anything to the conversation. Listening is under-rated and can come in handy during traumatic times.
 
When difficult times come, it’s usually temporary
 
While some bad things seem to go on and on forever, they do have an end. This is one thing you should always remember, and it goes back to what I said about hope. Hope is actuallyknowing that it won’t rain forever.
 
So when utilizing psychological forms of first aid, know your stuff. Your friends, your mate, your loved ones, or whoever is going through these difficult times need your help. It’s best if you know how to do that too.
 
And I think, after reading through these simple steps, you should be able to help yourself and others get through problems a bit easier.
 
I send you peace.
 

References:
  1. https://www.nctsn.org
  2. https://www.ptsd.va.gov

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 
 
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publicado por achama às 09:16
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Quarta-feira, 15 / 05 / 19

6 Types of People Who Love Playing the Victim and How to Deal with Them ~ Sherrie.

6 Types of People Who Love Playing the Victim and How to Deal with Them.

By Sherrie.

May 14th, 2019

 

Dealing with those who are playing the victim can be exhausting. Who exactly are these people?
It’s hard to talk about the victim mentality because many people have no idea they’re adopting it. It can be upsetting when they learn this truth.
Don’t know what it means to play the victim? Well, that’s because so many character flaws and toxic behaviors like this are seen as normal. The fact is, being a victim and having a victim mentality isn’t the same.

Who is playing the victim game?

Playing games with people’s lives is a manipulative act. People play roles in order to get what they want, or simply because of their upbringing. They may be stuck in a negative pattern due to childhood abuse, neglect, or trauma.
Here are a few types of people who tend to use the victim mentality:

1. The selfish

Those who act in a selfish manner will use the victim strategy. Sadly, when it comes to choosing others over themselves, playing the role of the victim will remove guilt when being selfish instead.
It will also make others feel sorry for them and give in to their wants and demands. Selfless people, on the other hand, try not to use the victim mentality in order to help others without putting the spotlight on their own needs. It’s just a different mindset altogether.

2. Controlling individuals

Some people absolutely must be in control no matter what’s happening in their lives. They use pity to make sure things go their way. They want to control the outcome of their lives and the people in it as well.
If they cannot control others in any other way, they will turn to playing games and playing the victim.

3. Parasitic people

Sometimes people like this understand what they are doing, and sometimes they do not. You can become a parasitic person when you’re trying to build your self-esteem off others who feel more confident.
Being the victim allows you to feed off the compliments of others which ultimately drains them. You see, when you’re a victim, you will never get enough of praise and support. You could have been a real victim in the past, and now you’re stuck in this mentality.

4. Those afraid of anger

I’ve noticed many people using the victim game because of the inability to properly deal with their anger. In some cases, they are afraid of the consequences of their anger, or maybe they’ve experienced situations where they’ve lost control, and they hate the feeling.
Either way, the victim mentality eventually replaces the ability to have healthy angry feelings and hinders the proper processing of these feelings and emotions.
Remember, it’s okay to feel anger, it’s just not okay to misuse this feeling. It’s even worse to become a perpetual victim.

5. The mentally ill

People who suffer from mental illness will often play the victim. Yes, and I have done this too. Most of the time, it’s due to feeling overwhelmed by the symptoms of the illness.
With bipolar disorder, for example, the victim mentality may come after a severe bout of mania due to the refusal to take medication. Instead of accepting the fault of not taking their medication, they may play the victim to keep from accepting responsibility for the negative actions from their illness.
No, we should never be too hard on the mentally ill, but everyone has to take a certain amount of responsibility at some point, especially when that person understands what to do.

6. Trauma survivors

While it is completely normal to feel victimized after trauma, it’s not normal to hold onto being a victim forever. You must remind yourself, or remind your loved ones, that enduring traumaand healing makes you a survivor and no longer a victim.
This, like the case of mental illness, is a sensitive topic, so tread lightly when trying to help others. Also, be kind to yourself, if this is you, but also keep trying to restructure and rebuild your life.

Dealing with the victim mentality

If you’re the one playing the role of victim, you must look within. What are your inner voices saying to you? Are you telling yourself that life isn’t fair to you? If so, there are probably other statements you’re using to justify your behavior.
You have to stop the negative voices. I know how hard this can be, but you can take one small step at a time. Practice turning those statements around into powerful assertions which help build your self-esteem. You don’t have to play the victim in order to solve a problem. It just seems like the easier way out.
If the one who is stuck in playing these patterns is your loved one or friend, then helping them transform their inner dialogue will help a bit.
You must understand, however, that changing thought patterns and inner statements will have to be done by the one who thinks these things. So, have patience if you’re willing to help.
Stand firm. Let your friends and loved ones know that you will not be taken for granted by victimizing behavior. While it’s okay to help people heal, it’s not okay to destroy yourself in the process.
I hope this has helped you understand what playing the role of victim means and who does this. Now, that you know, you can tackle this situation properly and take back control of your own life. I wish you well in your endeavors to be a better person and help others do the same.
References:
  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com
  2. https://www.lifehack.org

 

 
 
 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
About the Author: Sherrie

Sherrie is a freelance writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse. She is a mother of three and a lifetime fan of the thought-provoking and questionable aspects of the universe.

COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 

 


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If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


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publicado por achama às 07:47
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Sexta-feira, 25 / 01 / 19

7 Different Types of Anger and the Hidden Causes Behind Each ~ Sherrie.

7 Different Types of Anger and the Hidden Causes Behind Each.

By Sherrie.

January 24th, 2019 

 

types of anger.

 

 

Anger is an interesting emotion which comes from many different places. Understanding the various types of anger helps you also harness this feeling.

Before you start being judgemental about anger, take pause for a moment. Anger isn’t a “sin”, but what we do with that anger is what we deem to be wrong. There are so many types of anger developed from various emotions and experiences. Depending on what life is throwing at us, anger could be a number of things.

Anger in its many forms

Without delving too deeply into religion, I will give an example. In Christianity, Christ became angry one notable time. He walked through a temple and tossed tables and kicked over stands. Why did he do this? Because he was appalled by the gambling and other “unholy” things he witnessed in a holy place.
Now, it’s not for me to say what’s good or bad, but this is an example of what I call “righteous” anger and a testimony to how anger in itself is not bad. Righteous anger, for example, is anger based on morals and beliefs, many times spiritually based, you see. There are many types of anger as well, as I have said before.
There are many types of anger, yes, and these types represent reasoning of some sort. While some anger is slow to form, others can be a rapid burst of seemingly uncontrollable rage. In this rage is where we see anger taking on negative action.
So, let’s examine the different types of anger and the causes behind them.

1. Moral or righteous anger

As I stated above in the example, there are such things as righteous anger. It’s also called moral angerbecause it comes from being upset when someone breaks rules.
If you have rules set in a household and someone in that household breaks these rules, you will experience righteous anger. This is because most rules come from beliefs. Unfortunately, some people use the defense that you think you’re better than everyone else. It’s a common defense, and usually, just a way to deflect their guilt.
Now, let me tell you a secret about righteous anger. There is a hidden meaning behind this feeling. It seems that when someone gets strict in their righteous anger, it could be their attempt at control.
The truth is, righteous anger can go too far and turn you into a controlling and manipulative individual. So, be careful with that flaming sword.

2. Behavioral anger

Of all types of anger, this one is the most volatile. Behavioral anger is usually so strong that it turns physical. Now, this doesn’t mean that this anger always causes injuries.
Sometimes individuals who use this type of anger may only throw things or punch walls. Unfortunately, sometimes this emotion does result in attacking other people, and can certainly cause injuries and even legal consequences.
There are a few hidden secrets about this type of anger. Behavioral anger can come from past trauma or neglect. Without proper upbringing, a person cannot learn to control their emotions correctly, and with trauma, behavioral anger may be the only way to deal with hurts experienced early in life.
While so dangerous, this anger can still be treated and channeled in the right direction.

3. Habitual anger

When you’ve been angry for so long, it can be hard to stop being angry. This is not a joke, it’s a real problem. Habitual anger is a perpetual state of unrest and dissatisfaction with pretty much everything and everyone. When you try to deal with those who exhibit types of anger such as this, they will most often get angrier.
The hidden aspect of this anger lies within the past and trickles down through the years. Although this type of anger may have been born early in life, it has grown, due to various negative experiences in the years following.
For instance, if you are in your 4os, like me, then you’ve had several decades to feed and grow this anger. if you’ve had issues with habitual anger, then by now, your life may be a walking nightmare. Sorry, the truth hurts….but the good news is, you can learn to heal from this too.

4. Self-harm

Yes, self-harm is more than just depression. The act of self-harm can actually be a form of anger against one’s self. When people cut their skin, they could be exhibiting anger for how they look or their own conditions. It’s a complicated matter to understand sometimes, but it’s a negative emotion which must be revealed.
The hidden aspects of self-harm can come from many places. Self-harm can come from past abuse, trauma, neglect and so on. It can also come from repeated disappointments and broken relationships.
Basically, instead of focusing anger outward, people who suffer from self-harm may focus these emotions on the person within.

5. Vengeance

One of the most common types of anger is vengeance or revenge anger. It’s a basic form of anger which has been around since the beginning of time. With this form of anger, there’s usually not a lot of premeditation, except for the plans of getting revenge which come along with the emotion.
To be honest, there is little-hidden meaning behind this type of anger. It is straightforward and to the ones who feel this emotion, it is pure in its intent. Those who exhibit vengeance feel the emotions and actions are warranted.

6. Passive-aggression

While this type of anger may seem harmless, it sometimes can do quite a bit of damage. It just doesn’t leave scars in the way you think. With passive aggressive anger, emotions tend to be pushed down for the most part.
There is resentment, sarcasm, and mockery, all hiding behind a façade. Because of their inability to express themselves in a healthy manner, those who suffer from passive-aggressive emotions will internalize what they really feel.
One hidden secret about this form of anger is that it’s said to come from childhood emotional abuse. Some children are taught to not express negative emotions, and so they grow up to think passive aggression is a logical way of dealing with problems.

7. Incidental anger

One form of anger that most people see as normal is incidental anger. The truth is, this is pretty much a normal reaction to certain situations of injustice. To have incidental anger is to witness something which should be changed and have the patience to address this in a healthy manner.
There are usually no hidden agendas or secrets where this type of anger is involved.

Dealing with the anger of all types

Different types of anger must be addressed in various ways. While some forms are easy to deal with, others can be dangerous. Sometimes even professional help will be needed when dealing with certain situations.
As I stated before, anger in itself is not a bad thing. It’s all depends on the actions and negative thought patterns that you choose to utilize when you lose your temper. For future references, learn more about what makes you angry and how you can deal with this anger in the right way.
References:
  1. https://stress.lovetoknow.com
  2. https://www.everydayhealth.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 
About the Author: Sherrie
Sherrie is a freelance writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse. She is a mother of three and a lifetime fan of the thought-provoking and questionable aspects of the universe.

COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.

 
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

 Archives:

 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.

 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 

No religious or political belief is defended here. (Investigate yourself)

 

Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 

If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


More @ http://violetflame.biz.ly and https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily


 


 
 

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tags: , , , , , ,
publicado por achama às 23:35
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Sexta-feira, 18 / 01 / 19

7 Hidden Causes of Fear That Could Explain Why You Avoid Some Things in Life ~ Sherrie.

7 Hidden Causes of Fear That Could Explain Why You Avoid Some Things in Life.

By Sherrie.

January 18th, 2019 

 

.

 

 

We, as humans, are afraid of many things, sometimes developing severe phobias. So, what are the hidden causes of fear? What are the reasons for these reactions?

When I was a little girl, I was afraid of the forest surrounding my house, but only at night. During the day, I ran through the woods without a care in the world. What made the difference between my time in the forest during the day, and my fear of what lurked there in the darkness. It’s strange if you think about it. What are these causes of fear?
Upon analyzing my fears, I come to a conclusion. I am afraid of the unknown. Since it was dark in the forest when I was afraid, this meant I could not see what dwelled there. It’s safe to say that the darkness covers the unknown and these unknown things cause feelings of fear. As an adult, I still suffer from the fear of the unknown, and many of us do.

The hidden causes of fear

Children being afraid of the dark is just something that most people understand, without fully understanding. Much like many other situations, we don’t really question the causes of fear.
But there are other kinds of fears, less tangible but just as important, and these other fears are the ones that can keep us from reaching our full potential. Now’s the time to analyze the causes of fear and understand a bit more about ourselves. Let’s take a look at a few reasons why we’re frightened.

1. Failure

One of the most common causes of fear is failure. So many of us refuse to leave our comfort zones because we are afraid of doing something wrong, something that could damage our lives forever. The fear of failure can be seen in those who procrastinate in taking steps toward things like new careers, education, or starting a relationship.
The fear of failure is often hidden behind the reasoning of why you shouldn’t take that step forward. It’s also camouflaged as self-sacrifice as well. Sometimes, instead of doing something to better yourself, you may choose to focus all your energies on others.
Doing for others is good, but not when you forget about your own goals and potential. Learn to recognize the signs of fear of failure in its early stages so you can improve your life accordingly.

2. Decidophobia

Yes, decidophobia is a real thing. It’s basically the fear of making decisions. Personally, I think my second child has this problem. Everything he does has to be thought over carefully, even the simplest of tasks. I believe that inside he is wrestling with the fear of making the wrong decision, and so he takes extreme measures of time to make the decision in the first place.
So, in my son’s case, his strategy is that if he takes long enough, the decision will become clear. In my experience, this is not true. It seems that if I take too long making a decision, it actually becomes much harder.
The fear of decision making can be crippling, stealing so much time from the rest of your life. So, why not practice forcing yourself to make quicker decisions and walk away. It will be painful, but it will help you see the fallacy in your logic.

3. Negative scenarios

One of the causes of fear revolves around the stories you play in your head. For instance, when you cannot reach a friend by phone, you may start to worry. When this happens, your mind starts to compensate for the absence of explanation.
In other words, if you don’t know where someone is or if they are okay, then your brain fills in the gap. Many times, these fabrications are negative.
While not everyone ruminates like this, many do. Building negative scenarios in your mind feeds your fear. If you start believing that your absent friend has been in an accident, then you start to fear those things. You actually fear far-fetched ideas.
If you allow yourself to think positive things instead, then you decrease your fears and breed peace.

4. Trust issues

So many of us have trust issues of some kind or other. That’s why we often have fears that something bad will happen. I remember telling friends about the walls around me. I built all these walls because of the hurtful things that happened in the past. Unfortunately, these walls kept the good things out as well.
I have trust issues, let’s just put that out there to help you understand. I am in constant fear of being betrayed by one person or the other. It affects most aspects of my life and I hate it. I try to relinquish these fears, but something happens that, again, fortifies that untrusting mindset.
All I can say is, we just have to try harder to break down the wall and let people love us. After all, it’s possible that they actually have good intentions.

5. Insecurities

This cause of fear is similar to trust issues, but not exactly the same. While insecurities can cause trust issues which in turn, can cause fears, insecurities alone can cause different sorts of fears.
Let’s say you are insecure about your weight and so you are afraid to wear certain things to the beach. You fear ridicule and you fear rejection. Insecurities have the power to destroy your self-image and that’s why it’s so important to practice self-love and realization in your life.
I often suffer from insecurities, but I stop myself and think about what I’m worth. My worth as a human being does not change according to things people say about me or how they treat me. I want you to remember this as well.

6. Perfectionism

One of the causes of fear that can really limit your life is perfectionism. If you think it’s important to be perfect, then any failure would be devastating.
So, if you sense an event would cause you to make mistakes, then you will not go to that event. You might not even date certain people in fear that they would see your imperfections. It can be quite crippling actually.
Since you have a fear of imperfection, you will often do nothing. This is the severe form of perfectionism. You may feel that if you partake in social activities or anything at all, you won’t be able to feel the same about yourself if not seen as perfect. You may have friends, but honestly, they will be few.

7. Past trauma

I think one of the most common causes of fear would be past trauma. Since I am in the sharing mood, I will share even more. I was abused, and I believe I have shared this many times. Because of my past trauma, I fear many things, especially people in general. Yes, I guess you can say I have a case of anthropophobia (fear of people).
Past traumas cause PTSD, anxiety and also physical health problems. Unfortunately, we don’t often address the common fears they produce. Past traumas can affect our social life, spiritual life, family life and more. Because of what happened to us, we will often avoid relationships or career changes.
Do an inventory of your life and see if anything from your past connects with your present fears. It could be interesting.

Fears aren’t the end of the world

Despite how prevalent your fears are in your life, there’s always hope for change. The causes of fears may be many and complex, but with understanding, you can find the key to unlock these fears. I hope this has helped you learn a bit more about yourself, and I wish you well.
References:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 
About the Author: Sherrie
Sherrie is a freelance writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse. She is a mother of three and a lifetime fan of the thought-provoking and questionable aspects of the universe.

COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.

 
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

 Archives:

 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.

 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 

No religious or political belief is defended here. (Investigate yourself)

 

Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 

If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


More @ http://violetflame.biz.ly and https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily


 


 
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publicado por achama às 23:31
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LAR
A Luz está a revelar a Verdade, e esta libertar-nos-á! -Só é real o AMOR Incondicional. -Quando o Amor superar o amor pelo poder, o mundo conhecerá a Paz; Jimi Hendrix. -Somos almas a ter uma experiência humana!

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