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Segunda-feira, 11 / 05 / 20

9 Signs of a Sense of Entitlement You May Not Know You Have

 

9 Signs of a Sense of Entitlement You May Not Know You Have

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted May 3rd, 2020.

 
 
 
 
Signs of a Sense of Entitlement.
 
 
Could it be that you are not as humble and satisfied as you think? The truth is you could be harboring a sense of entitlement.
I’d like to think that I’m a balanced human being, despite the fact that I struggle with many forms of mental illness. Do I have a sense of entitlement? Honestly, I’m sure I display it from time to time. It could be that I don’t even recognize many of these symptoms. This entitlement is closely related to the unhealthy aspects of narcissism. It more or less rates on the egotistical side of the narcissistic spectrum.
Yes, feeling entitled is hard to recognize because of this correlation, and can mask its true identity underneath feelings of humility. There is also no age preference for this feeling either. You can feel entitled as a young adult, and you can feel just as entitled at the ripe old age of 75. In case you don’t understand what feeling entitled means, here’s one definition:
In psychology, a sense of entitlement is a personality trait that makes someone feel as though they deserve more than what society gives them. These are sometimes unrealistic and unmerited demands for better living conditions or treatment.

9 Signs That You Have a Sense of Entitlement

In case you’re wondering if this is you, if you have a sense of entitlement, then there are signs that throw up red flags. A red flag is a warning of something, and it’s usually pretty spot on. So here are a few indicators that you may have fit into this entitled group.

1. Superiority

While at face value, you might not think you feel superior, there could be a bit of “better than the rest” mentality dwelling between your ears. I’ve noticed this in myself at times, and it’s usually after someone has pointed it out and I’ve gotten angry. My anger revealed my guilt, you see. Feeling superior to others is easier than you think, and so you must always be aware of this trait. This is one facet of entitlement.

2. Unrealistic expectations

You may often feel like someone owes you things, or you feel cheated. This is considered unrealistic expectations from others. This is a sign that you believe you deserve more than you do. Most of the time, this feeling comes from past mistreatments in relationships or by neglect from your parents. It could even come from being let down by your best friend or fired from a job where you were previously praised.
Your sense of right and wrong can quickly get crossed and damage your trust…thus, creating this unrealistic demand mentality. This sign is noticed when you start feeling like nothing will ever go the way it should.

3. Self-pity

Yes, people are unfair, and they can hurt you for no real reason at all. Self-pity can start from here, right where an unwarranted wound happened. The right thing to do in these situations is to take the hurt and learn from it, growing into a stronger person. But if the wound is not tended to, self-pity will grow, then it will mature into a ridiculous sense of worth.
I’ve done this myself before. Once, I was hurt so badly that I expected everyone else to recognize the hurt and feel sorry for me. It didn’t work out the way I thought it would, and eventually, someone told me to grow up. It was harsh, but they were right to let me know.

4. Bullying

Those who feel entitled are prone to bullying others. It starts with low self-esteem, which then causes you to lash out at others to bring down their self-worth. The objective is to vault yourself above others by using them as your stepping-stones.
But you must keep in mind, those you step on will experience the same low feelings, and if they aren’t strong enough, they will also bullying others. You’re not just responsible then for bullying people, but you can potentially start a negative pattern that could ruin many lives due to self-entitlement. So, if you sense you are being a bully, you are guilty of a worse mentality than just being mean.

5. Double standards

Another sign that you may have a sense of entitlement is that you use double standards in life. For instance, it might not be okay for your adult son to get drunk, but you think it’s okay to do the same thing when he’s not around. It might be okay for you to leave your clothes lying around, and yet you yell at your husband for leaving his things out all the time.
Do you see the pattern? Living like this is pretty obvious to others, so keep in mind that they know you are unfair, and basically, a hypocrite. Maybe you should check for entitled standards you’ve made for yourself.

6. No compromise

Did you know that effective communication means compromise? Especially, if you are in an argument. If you feel like someone owes you something in life, you will hate compromise. I’m not sure, but I have set standards and morals, and sometimes, I hold them so tight that I refuse to compromise with others.
Now, I’m not saying that your standards or morals aren’t important because they are. What I am saying is that somewhere, somehow, you will have to compromise with people you care about. Otherwise, they might not stick around for long. So, if you aren’t even willing to compromise at all, then you have a problem, and no, it’s not the other guy. It’s you!

7. Attention, Praise, and admiration

If you feel you are above the rest, you will crave the spotlight. There is never enough attention for you. You always fish for compliments and post everything you purchase on social media, which makes you struggle all the time just to hold onto the same level of admiration from the day before.
In your eyes, others owe you all the love and comfort now because you’ve done your share of good deeds.  For every negative thing that you endured from the past, there’s certain retribution and, what’s worse is all the attention in the world is never enough.

8. Using punishments

Another sign that you could have a “surprise” sense of entitlement is that you use punishments. I don’t mean you punish your children for disobedience, as some do. I mean you punish other adults for not giving you exactly what you want.
Here’s an example: Say your best friend doesn’t come to visit as much as you think she should and you get angry. Well, you decide she deserves to be punished, and so you stop answering her calls or texts. When your best friend does come to see you, an attitude greets her at the door.
While this might seem like nothing to some people, it’s actually a negative reaction driven by the need for entitlement. You feel entitled to her attention and love. While in truth, you are both equal and deserve the same amount of respect. Non-toxic actions are when you give your friend the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she doesn’t come because she could be too busy to come to visit.

9. Everyone is a threat or competition

Remember, a sense of entitlement means no one is your equal, right? Well, this means that everyone is either a threat to your wellbeing, or they are a competition that you must constantly keep an eye on. Even your closest friends aren’t allowed to go through this veil of doubt and mistrust. You keep them close, but far enough so they have little access to how you really feel about them.
Entitlement means jealousy, hatred, and gossip. All these things come with insecurities and the dislike of others.

Are You Secretly Struggling with a Sense of Entitlement?

Sometimes the things you do that seem normal could, in fact, be a bit toxic. I had to learn this the hard way after hurting people or being told that I was acting entitled. But this is no witch hunt, no.
Every person on the face of the earth is imperfect. We all have skeletons in our closets, crosses to bear, and quirks that we cannot even see. When we cannot see these things, we perceive our lives as fair and good. The objective is, however, that we learn more and more every day about how to be better people. We analyze ourselves, check on how we treat others, and just strive to be good at every opportunity.
If we want a better world, guess what? It starts first with our own changes. We have to see our sense of entitlement for what it is and change a little at a time. Why should we change slowly? Well, because it’s not fair to be too hard on ourselves, any more than it’s okay to be hard on others. I want you to remember that. So, take your time and be honest with yourself. This is the only way to make those permanent improvements.
I believe in you, and that’s because I’m imperfect too…and I do believe I can do better as well.
References:
  1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
  2. https://www.betterhelp.com

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.


 


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All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 21:56
Sexta-feira, 08 / 05 / 20

9 Signs of Needy People and How They Manipulate You

9 Signs of Needy People and How They Manipulate You

By Anna LeMind, B.A.

May 7th, 2020

.

 
We all have encountered overly clingy and needy people in our lives.
Some may have been in a relationship with a too dependent partner, others could have had a friend who asked for one favor after another. While it’s totally human to feel emotionally attached to those around you as well as to ask for their help from time to time, these personalities take it to another level.
Needy people often come to the point of becoming toxic manipulators. More often than not, they are unaware of what they are doing though. Clingy individuals tend to have insecurities and lack mental toughness, so they just can’t help themselves. They need other people to make them happy and complete.
Still, dealing with a needy person can be challenging for your own mental health. So, it’s important to recognize the signs of when your needy friend or family member is taking advantage of you and is becoming a toxic influence.

9 Signs of Manipulative Needy People

1. They have a victim mentality

Being a needy person and having a victim mentality are often synonyms. These people just can’t take responsibility for their actions and failures. They always blame someone else for everything.
If they made a mistake in a report, it’s because their loud coworker distracted them from work. If they didn’t keep your intimate secret, it is because they encountered a devious manipulator who tricked them into sharing it.
In the end, it’s never a needy person’s fault. And they don’t just stop here – they go on to make you feel sorry for them as well.

2. They guilt-trip you

If we take the example with the secret, your needy friend will probably say how devastated they are by that manipulator. And that you shouldn’t have confided in them in the first place. Now their whole life is completely ruined because of the secret you shared with them! It may sound crazy, but eventually, you will actually feel sorry for your friend and guilty for calling them out for revealing your secret!
Being needy doesn’t equal being a manipulator, but sometimes, this trait comes with a natural talent in inducing unjustified guilt in others. You see, making people feel guilty is a great way to take advantage of them.
When your friend is convinced that whatever you are going through is their fault, they are more likely to give you what you want or to turn a blind eye to something wrong you have done.

3. They take advantage of you

Needy people are usually takers and rarely givers. If you are there for them when they need you, it doesn’t mean that they will do the same for you.
All relationships should have reciprocity in them. And I’m not talking just about helping each other. Emotional investment is an essential component of any relationship, whether it’s a romantic, a family, or a friendly one. When you are the only person in a relationship who is concerned, genuinely interested, and willing to help, it means that the other person is taking advantage of you.
Does your needy family member ever call you just to see how you are doing? Is your friend really paying attention when you are telling him about your problems? Do they ever invite you to their place for dinner or do they only enjoy your hospitality? Are they there for you when you are in trouble?
If a needy person in your life shows up only when they need something from you, I’m sorry to tell you this, but you are being taken advantage of.

4. They are constantly in trouble

In the beginning, needy people may seem just unlucky. Whatever venture they take on, it’s doomed to fail. It may look like they are cursed and the whole world is conspiring against them! They get fired from work, their businesses collapse one after another, they get involved with the wrong people all the time.
When a needy person talks about their failures, they, of course, blame someone else or things like bad luck or the wrong circumstances. We have already talked about their victim mentality above, remember?
As a result of this endless chain of disasters, they end up asking for your help. And yes, they have no one else to turn to. Only you and your help can save them.

5. They are in a constant need for approval and reassurance

A needy personality often stems from insecurities and low self-esteem. For this reason, they need constant reassurance from other people. They may become quite manipulative in trying to get your approval.
They love doing what’s called fishing for compliments. It’s when a person purposely says self-critical things to hear that they are being wrong about themselves. This is what needy people often seek – your reassurance. They literally feed off it because deep inside, they feel bad about themselves.

6. They compete in misery

This toxic behavior is a consequence of a victim mentality. Needy people seem to compete with others in misery, so whatever problem you are facing, be sure that they always have a worse one.
Say that you are confiding a problem in your marriage to your friend. He looks like he is listening to you, but as soon as you stop talking, he tells you about his past heartbreak, which was much more tragic than the issue you have with your wife.
As a result, you receive no empathy or advice from your friend and end up listening to his heartbreaking story and comforting him instead.

7. They exaggerate their problems and belittle those of other people

Similarly, a needy person may become passive-aggressive and throw out belittling remarks about other people’s difficulties. All this serves one purpose – to earn all the attention and empathy for themselves.
They may get sarcastic and say unkind things like ‘I wish I had his problems’ when someone else is struggling. All this comes down to a lack of empathy and emotional intelligence needy people often have. They really believe that they are the only person who is struggling and everyone else’s problems are a joke.

8. They can’t deal with their issues on their own

friend asking for favors
Self-sufficiency is not among the traits of needy people. Sometimes, it can seem that they are just unable to solve a problem on their own. For example, if they are facing financial difficulties, they won’t think about getting a better job or earning some extra income but will immediately go to the solution of borrowing money from a friend or a family member.
For this reason, you will often find needy people asking for all kinds of favors, from requiring your assistance in the most trivial issues to helping them make a life-changing decision. Yes, it’s fine to expect support from the people around you. After all, this is what true friends do, right? But it’s not fine when you don’t even try to figure out a solution by yourself and rush to your friend for help.

9. They believe that you owe them

Needy people often believe that the world and those around them owe them something. This makes them convinced that they have the right to require help from their family members or friends.
Let’s take an example of needy behavior in a family relationship. Aaron’s parents got a divorce when he was 12 years old. While he stayed in contact with his father, he never received any substantial financial help from him. Still, he grew up into a self-sufficient adult and is now successfully running his own business while his father is switching from one venture to another and is on the edge of financial disaster.
At some point, Aaron’s father is asking him for a loan so he can pay off his debt and start a new business. Aaron refuses, and his father gets furious. He blames his son for being ungrateful and not appreciating what he has done for him all these years. For example, Aaron has forgotten how his father was driving him to school or how he took him to a few road trips when he was a kid.
As you see in this example, Aaron’s father is convinced that his son owes him, so he didn’t expect that he would refuse to help him.

Are Needy People Bad People?

In the end, needy people don’t mean to become toxic and behave in a manipulative way. These people often have issues with emotional attachment and self-esteem, so their clingy nature is due to their mental makeup.
Thus, if you have a needy person in your life, treat them with kindness but don’t allow them to exploit it. Establishing healthy personal boundaries is a key approach to dealing with them.
 

Anna LeMind
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About the Author: Anna LeMind

Anna is the founder and lead editor of the website Learning-mind.com. She is passionate about learning new things and reflecting on thought-provoking ideas. She writes about science, psychology and other related topics. She is particularly interested in topics regarding introversion, consciousness and subconscious, perception, human mind's potential, as well as the nature of reality and the universe.
 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.
 
 
Discernment is recommended.
 
 
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 



 

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publicado por achama às 00:50
Sexta-feira, 08 / 05 / 20

4 Signs of Fishing for Compliments and Why People Do It

4 Signs of Fishing for Compliments and Why People Do It

Lauren Edwards-Fowle,

M.Sc. and B.Sc.

learning-mind.com

Posted May 6th, 2020.

 
 

 

When someone is fishing for compliments, it means that they are intentionally saying self-deprecating things or belittling their achievements, expecting you to say something nice to them.
Everyone likes to feel good about themselves, and I am sure we are all guilty of fishing for compliments from time to time. But why do we do it – and what sort of people are obsessed with external validation?

Signs someone is fishing for a compliment:

1. Negging

This refers to someone who constantly puts themselves down – even though they know their self-criticism isn’t true. Negging means negativity, so for example if you know someone with amazing hair who posts about how rubbish they look today, they’re probably guilty! This kind of attention-seeking draws in positive external messages, knowing that friends and family will be quick to reassure them they look as beautiful as ever.

2. Feigning insecurity

When somebody you know to be confident and outgoing feigns vulnerability, they are likely looking for encouragement to reaffirm their sense of self-belief. For example, someone who claims to have been struggling in their professional career (who you know is not) knows that they will receive messages of positive encouragement as a result of exposing their ‘insecurities’ with the world.

3. Rejecting anything nice you say

A person fishing for compliments will try to reject kind words, in return for an increased response. As an example, if you tell somebody their latest project was a great success and they brush it aside as mediocre, the chances are they are not expecting you to agree! Rather, they expect you to enthuse more about their standard of work to make sure they know just how excellent it is.

4. Pretending to be ignorant

If someone you know has an obvious style, accent, or look, they might pretend not to have realized how much attention it brings them. In doing so, they are attempting to draw more attention to the fact, and receive more compliments and mentions about what makes them so special.
Overall, someone making statements about themselves which they know to be untrue; whether about their achievements, personality, or appearance – is probably fishing for compliments to tell them the opposite.

Why Do Some People Fish for Compliments?

Let’s face it, not much brightens up your day like an unexpected compliment! However, some people can’t resist, and some have very serious reasons why.

1. They lack self-esteem

Sometimes it can come off as arrogant, but a person trying to attract positive words may be suffering from low self-esteem. It may be that they cannot acknowledge their worth without external validation, and feel compelled to seek this regularly to reaffirm their confidence levels.

2. They are an egotist

On the other hand, people who can’t stand not being congratulated may be pure egotists. Their arrogance makes them desire to be the center of attention at all times. They might find it impossible to see somebody else in the limelight and need to receive as much attention as possible.

3. They feel inferior

Not everybody who is trying to gain favorable attention is arrogant; they might genuinely feel inferior to others and seek encouragement to deem themselves worthy of their company, privileges, and opportunities. In this case, compliments make them feel that they are in the right place, and can combat experiences such as imposter syndrome.

4. They thrive on admiration

With the limitless power of social media comes a greater capacity for comparison than ever before. Some people feel an intense need for acknowledgment, and collect admirers to feel good about themselves. Many influencers count their qualities by the number of followers they have, and receiving kind comments will reinforce their feelings of satisfaction.

5. They are genuinely proud

We have all had those periods where we have achieved something outstanding, and yet, it seems to slip by unnoticed. A subtle way of bringing attention to our successes is by fishing for compliments, perhaps by mentioning in an off-hand way that our greatest aspiration has been reached. In this situation, heap on the praise – they deserve it!

6. They need external validation

Hand in hand with self-esteem issues, many people find it hard to validate their actions or feel a sense of self-gratification without needing this reinforced by other people. These people will always need validation from strangers to make them feel good. Some examples of this behavior include:
  • receiving admiring messages,
  • not acknowledging or accepting the power of their thoughts,
  • feeling compelled to follow the trend in publishing the minutiae of their private lives online.

What’s the Difference between Fishing for Compliments and Phishing for Compliments?

Whilst fishing is usually harmless, and a small public attempt to gain recognition, phishing for compliments is something rather more sinister.
Phishing is a malicious activity, usually online or through email servers, to get access to private information and data. Think about your credit card details, address, or information about your identity.
One of the clever ways that hackers and spammers have to steal your data is to go phishing for compliments; so have your wits about you! If you receive an unsolicited message from a gorgeous person asking what you think of their outfit, don’t reply, don’t click on the ‘private’ photo they have sent you, and don’t spend a moment wondering if you have just let a wonderful opportunity pass you by.
With our vulnerable hearts and generous natures, it can feel natural to respond for pleas for validation. But if these don’t come from somebody you know, keep your distance!

 

Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 

 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle


 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 00:20
Quarta-feira, 29 / 04 / 20

What Triggers Narcissistic Injury and How to Recognize It?

 

What Triggers Narcissistic Injury and How to Recognize It?

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted April 28th, 2020.

 
 
 
Narcissistic injury happens when the narcissist has been confronted, challenged, or denied something. In a situation like this, they feel like their whole façade comes apart. The narcissistic wound is real, and yet, it comes from a place of make-believe hurts. How can we tolerate this sort of behavior?
To understand narcissistic injury, you have to know a little bit about the narcissist themselves. A person who has been “diagnosed” per se, as a narcissistic individual will have layers of characteristics.
First of all, most narcissists were first traumatized or abused children. This mistreatment, in time, caused them to build high walls to keep others out. It made their self-esteem plummet as well. As a result of all this, the narcissist built a façade of who they really are, and when confronted or challenged, they acquire the narcissistic wound.

What triggers the narcissistic injury?

There are a few ways that this injury can be triggered by others. Just as I said above, being challenged or confronted would do the trick. But let’s look at a few of these things in order to get the big picture.
  • Breaking the mask

The narcissist has a false idea of who they are. Some of them actually believe in this false identity, while others use the identity to trick others. Injuries occur when someone rips the mask off revealing the true identity of the narcissist. This triggers anger, resentment, and manipulation.
You see, when you lived the majority of your life with a low-self-esteem, creating a different, more positive identity is ideal. When that identity is destroyed, you’re right back where you began. It’s actually painful for the narcissist.
  • Pointing out mistakes

There is no narcissist in this world that likes their failures being noticed. Injuries are triggered quickly when the narcissist fails at something or is wrong about something, and a friend notices. Maybe if they fail at something while alone, it’s not so bad, but for someone to see what happened, this can be devastating.
  • Revealing the lack of confidence

Narcissists cannot handle someone else revealing their lack of confidence. The truth is, the root of narcissistic behavior lies in low self-confidence, as it comes from past trauma or abusive childhood. The narcissist walks and talks with an air of confidence, and yet, it is all false. When it’s revealed for what it is, a narcissistic injury happens.

How do we recognize the narcissistic injury?

Touching once more on the adult/child relationship as to abuse, we can learn how to recognize the narcissistic injuries that surface. If a parent was narcissistic, then it’s likely that some of those traits will try to stick to the child, especially mental injuries. So, how can we tell if this is happening?

1. They reject others

If the narcissist’s friends and family know what they’ve been through, people usually want to help. But this help will also come with revealing their mistakes and helping them work through the problems. They don’t want others to see the imperfections, and so friends and family cannot help. Loved ones may even get a bit harsh with the narcissist, and say that they are challenging them to do better. This will make them push friends and family even further away.
You see, narcissists feel as though they should be loved and accepted at all times. This can get especially negative on social media. If someone with a narcissistic wound is challenged online, they will go to extremes in arguments and comments, so much that they may even delete or block people from their personal spaces – these can even be their loved ones.

2. They have impossible expectations

Even if everyone is talking about how talented they are, it’s never enough. Narcissists have to always be in the spotlight, always getting attention, and when it comes to the online world, always posting things about themselves or what they’ve accomplished. One nice compliment is never enough for them. This is because secretly, narcissists always feel like a failure.

3. Sometimes they’re overachievers

On the flip side, sometimes the narcissist just wants to help too much. In order to fill that void inside, and yes, there’s a deep dark void inside every narcissist, they must constantly be doing things for people, or giving out endless compliments – they are usually empty compliments which this toxic person doesn’t really mean.
I know this sounds cruel, but it’s true. The narcissistic injury shows through the many layers of the good Samaritan sometimes. If they can hold up that camera while helping, they can be an overachiever and live those impossible expectations all at once. Giving and getting at an abnormal and toxic level.

4. You don’t want to say no

Inside, the narcissist always wants to say no, but on the outside, they never want to say no. Does that make sense? Well, it’s how the narcissist works. A narcissist focuses on themselves first, even though they help tremendously, never want to speak the word “no” and always seem so humble. All of this is false.
They don’t want to speak “no” because they are afraid of the consequences. That is all. No narcissist wants to be injured by rejection because they didn’t go along with someone else’s wishes. So, they try to bridge that gap somehow. It’s usually a messy routine.

Narcissistic injuries are real

If you live with a narcissist, you will eventually experience those strange injuries. When you do, take some time before you get into an argument with them. Think about why the narcissist may feel injured and work around this issue accordingly.
Although most narcissists never change, some do. So, if you have the chance to show them the truth of their injuries in a peaceful manner, you could be able to help them heal. If not, it could be time to make some changes.
I wish you the best.
References:

  1. https://www.betterhelp.com
  2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov



Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

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Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


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publicado por achama às 05:19
Segunda-feira, 06 / 04 / 20

Study: Why Saying ‘Thank You’ Is Better Than Saying ‘I’m Sorry’.

Study: 

Why Saying ‘Thank You’ Is Better Than Saying ‘I’m Sorry’.

Jamie Logie, B. Sc.

learning-mind.com

April 5, 2020 .

 
saying thank you instead of im sorry.

 

 

Could the simple approach of altering an apology and saying thank you be a much better form of communication?
Expressing gratitude is something they teach us from a young age. It shows appreciation, kindness, and respect. You probably never think of saying thank you when it comes to apologizing – but it may be a more effective approach.
If you work and deal with the public, this can be a much more effective strategy than constantly apologizing. This isn’t just for someone who works in retail, but switching from saying ‘I’m sorry’ to ‘Thank you‘ may help in your daily relationships.
This article looks at a recent study that took a deeper look into this approach.

The Science Behind Why Saying ‘Thank You’ Is Better

This study was a multi-university approach and dealt with the issue of customer service satisfaction. The University of South Carolina, New Mexico State University, Zhejiang University in China, and The Ohio State University worked together to investigate this.
They looked at the issue of consumers’ expectations of quality service being higher than ever. Business leaders around the world have recognized this increase in service quality demand. At the same time, it’s clear that there are many issues surrounding customer interactions with service providers.
The attempt of this study was to find the best way to restore customer satisfaction as it’s needed in retail and business. The whole issues go far beyond a consumer feeling disregarded as poor customer service is costing companies billions of dollars. In 2016, the U.S. lost a staggering $1.6 trillion dollars because of customers switching to competing companies. This was all because of poor service. This has a spillover effect because of word-of-mouth and the damage that comes from this.
These days, word-of-mouth happens online – and it happens fast. Poor service has led to 44% of unsatisfied customers venting about it on social media. A bad review or report that goes viral can sink a company. This is nowhere more clear than in the hospitality industry, with a large proportion of consumers unsatisfied with how things go when dining out.
So what we have we seen to remedy this situation, and how can you apply it to your own life?

Why You Need to Stop Apologizing

The study looked at how service providers could restore customer satisfaction after a service failure. They focused on two different forms of recovery communicationsaying ‘thank you’ (showing appreciation) and saying ‘sorry’ (the apology). The example the study gives has to do with a plumber who was late for an appointment: the plumber could either say “I am sorry you had to wait,” or “Thank you for your patience.”
The study found that showing appreciation to the consumer was a more effective approach. Saying ‘thank you’ was better at restoring consumer satisfaction than saying “I’m sorry.”
This has practical effects in real-world situations. When service providers show appreciation, the consumer becomes satisfied that the situation has been recovered in the best way possible. This leads the customer to stick with that business, recommend it to others, and less likely to complain in the future.
When you constantly say you’re sorry to someone, they get the sense that you aren’t doing everything in your power to improve the situation. Only saying sorry to a person (whether it’s a customer, friend, associate, etc) gives them the impression that you’ve washed your hands of things and what’s done is done.
According to the study, saying ‘I’m sorry’ emphasizes the service provider’s fault, while saying ‘thank you’ makes the customer feel more important.

Why Is Saying Thank You So Much More Powerful?

The sense of importance a customer feels is because saying thank you highlights their merits and contributions. When you say ‘thank you for your patience’ you are showing the positive contribution they have made. This may seem small, but it’s a way to improve a person’s self-esteem. With business, it enhances post-recovery satisfaction. With a friend or family member, it enhances the bond between the two of you.
When you say ‘Thank you’ instead of ‘I’m sorry’ – in any aspect of your life – it helps you deal with even the most difficult people. A narcissistic person only thinks of themselves, and if you can highlight their contribution and merits, they embrace this and can adapt quicker. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ takes the emphasis away from them and puts it on you.
Sometimes an apology is needed, but you just need to read the situation and see what it calls for. In the service industry example; saying ‘thank you’ (the appreciative approach) will be the best approach for those highly narcissistic people. The appreciation approach might not work as well for customers and people who are quiet, shy and show low narcissism.

What to Take Away from This Study

The key takeaway is that saying ‘thank you’ isn’t a way to get out of apologizing, but has some real resolution power to it. If you work in a retail setting, this can be a great time to use this method with the rise of angry and unreasonable customers. Besides saying ‘thank you for your patience,’ you can also use variations of:
  • Thank you for your understanding
  • Thank you for coming to me with this
  • I appreciate you bringing this to my attention, thank you
On a personal level, saying ‘thank you’ does a better job of resolving a conflict with another person. The appreciation approach gets you onto their level and they feel valued. It’s all about shifting the focus from things being your fault and spotlight the merit in others.
People rarely feel appreciated, and if you can do this in a negative situation, you create a better bond, connection, and resolution with that person. Ultimately, they go away feeling better about themselves.
Saying ‘thank you’ isn’t a cop-out, it’s a simple way to improve the lives of those around you.
References:
  1. https://journals.sagepub.com
  2. https://psychcentral.com
.
 

About the Author: Jamie Logie, B.Sc.

Jamie Logie is a certified personal trainer, nutritionist, and health & wellness specialist. He holds a bachelor of science (B.Sc.) degree in Kinesiology from the University of Western Ontario, studied sociology and psychology at Western University and has a counseling diploma from Heritage Baptist College. He has run a blog and top-rated podcast on iTunes called "Regained Wellness". Jamie is also a contributing writer for places like the Huffington Post, Thrive Global, LifeHack and has an Amazon #1 book called "Taking Back Your Health".

 
Patrick Montgomery:
I believe it’s appropriate to say both “I’m sorry” and “Thank you” in the same situation, if applicable. For example, if you’re late to a meeting with me, you’ve just wasted some of my time and my time, as with everyone’s, is valuable and finite. I need to know you understand and appreciate this concept. Even if being late was beyond your control. Apologize. And then say “thank you for your patience and understanding” which will assuage my annoyance letting me know you appreciate my situation making it possible for a productive meeting without any attitudes or misunderstandings. Neither “thank you” or “I’m sorry” should be over used as a go to response unnecessarily. I understand this study is primarily geared to customer service, however, it appears your suggesting to use this “thank you” approach in social or other professional situations. Don’t. Regardless of what the study says, if somebody screws up my order and says the words “thank you” in their first response sentence to me instead of apologizing, I’m thinking they’re clueless and WTF?! What I won’t be thinking is; “Gee, that was refreshing and nice. This company gets it. I’m gonna tell everybody about this positive experience”.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 17:35
Sábado, 07 / 03 / 20

5 Signs Toxic Shame Is Taking Over Your Life & How to Stop It

 

5 Signs Toxic Shame Is Taking Over Your Life & How to Stop It

Sherrie Hurd

learning-mind.com

Posted March 6th, 2020.

 
 

 
It’s not wrong to feel ashamed about something, but it is wrong to harbor toxic shame. How can we stop doing this?
 
If you do something wrong, it’s perfectly normal to feel a little shame. But some of us struggle with the trap of unhealthy shame that always keeps us repeating past mistakes in our heads. Then this process causes damage to our self-esteem. One thing leads to another and then toxic shame takes over your entire life. This should never happen.
 
What is toxic shame?
 
Toxic feelings of shame come from an irrational place, producing feelings of worthlessness. This feeling can come from our mistakes, trauma that may not even be our fault at all, or even from events that span all the way back to our childhood. How do we know if we have shame and toxic habits? There are a few indicators that stick out like a sore thumb.
 
Signs of unhealthy shame
 
1. You wear masks
 
If you suffer from toxic shame, one of the most common things you will do is wear a mask to cover your true identity. It’s not a mask to cover your physical identity but a mask to cover who you are inside. The shame of this nature makes you feel like who you really are isn’t presentable for the public. So, you create a version of yourself that you think would look better to others.
 
2. You isolate yourself
 
Even ordinary shame will make you isolate yourself for a little while, but usually not for long. Most of the time regular shame fades a bit as friends and family support you while you forgive yourself.
 
With unhealthy shame, however, isolation can carry on for a long time, even after friends and family have tried to coax you out of your shell. If you’re isolating yourself from everyone and everything, you could be dealing with toxic shame from some source.
 
3. You won’t express yourself
 
Whatever happened to cause your shame, you refuse to speak about the situation. Usually, there is so much more than a linear story and much more than a concrete right and wrong. It’s important to express yourself when you’ve made mistakes or lived through traumatic events. It’s even more important to express yourself about childhood issues that have caused shame in adulthood.
 
4. You lie about many things
 
Toxic feelings of shame will make you lie because the truth is harder to accept. If you’re asked about various personal things, you will lie, not just by using denial, but also by fabricating the truth. By utilizing this behavior, you temporarily place a balm on your shame, which never lasts. If the shame is bad enough, you will continue to do this until you accept the truth for yourself.
 
5. Low self-esteem
 
It’s impossible to have positive self-esteem or good self-worth and toxic shame at the same time. Your negative feelings about yourself which have grown into an unrelenting shame will cause extremely low-self-esteem. If you have unhealthy shame, you will always put yourself down in front of others.
 
How can we get over feeling like this?
 
If you’ve already fallen victim to toxic shame, it’s not hopeless. Even if it originated from childhood trauma, you can still learn to defeat this self-defeating behavior. Because that’s exactly what it is. This behavior will eventually erode your entire view of yourself.
 
Being compassionate with yourself is one of the most important things to do in order to let go of unhealthy feelings. Keep in mind, that whatever happened, we are all human and imperfect, many of us are healing from something that victimized us or something we’ve done.
 
So cut yourself a little slack. The active way to start doing this is by using positive mantras about yourself. Every day say things like, “I am worthy”, “I am loved”, and “Someone needs me.”
 
Mindfulness, through things like meditation, reminds us about the truth. Toxic shame is actually the inability to take healthy responsibility for what happened if any responsibility even belongs to you. If not, then mindfulness can also help you realize how strong you are and how you can get through anything, even your past trauma. No matter how hard it is to understand, we are more resilient than we know.
 
Also, you can learn to turn that inner voice of shame into an expression of anger. No, it’s not healthy to express anger with violence, but it is healthy to understand that shame is an expression of being angry about your present feelings and your situation.
 
Toxic shame has got to go
 
The point here is, no matter what it takes, you have to learn how to put away those feelings of unwarranted shame. Whether it comes from childhood trauma, some mistakes you’ve made or more recent experience, adopting shame of a toxic nature will only make things worse, for you and for those you love and care about.
 
The best thing to do is to take responsibility for your actions and learn how to move on. That means creating a positive life for yourself, paired with a positive self-image.

 

Sherrie Hurd


 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
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publicado por achama às 13:03
Domingo, 09 / 02 / 20

5 Annoying Things a Know-It-All Does and How to Deal with Them

5 Annoying Things a Know-It-All Does and How to Deal with Them.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 9th, 2020.

 


 
 
What is a know-it-all; and how do you know if you (or someone in your life) are one?
 
It is a person who thinks they know all the answers, to everything. Invariably, they don’t! We aren’t talking here about experts or people with a high level of knowledge. We are considering people who think they are far more knowledgeable than they are.
 
Know-it-alls tend not to have the self-awareness to recognize this trait. So how do you spot such a person, and most importantly, how do you deal with them?
 
Key traits of a know-it-all
 
1. Arrogance
 
Know-it-alls will truly believe they have all the answers. This ego can manifest in several ways, but invariably, this type of person cannot accept that there is a multitude of things that they do not understand.
 
This huge ego is one of the easiest ways to spot a know-it-all, since they will wear their arrogance on their sleeve, and even believe it to be a positive trait!
 
2. Argumentative
 
If you come across someone who is extremely argumentative for no particular reason, there is a good chance they are a know-it-all. This type of person loves the opportunity to prove somebody else wrong, or to make a point. They might insert themselves into somebody else’s conversation just for the opportunity of sparking an argument.
 
Such a smarty might also turn a gentle discussion into a full-blown row, just for the chance to make their voice heard.
 
3. Patronizing
 
Every know-it-all believes themselves to be of higher intelligence than the people around them. Whilst this couldn’t be further from the truth, they will take great pl
easure in condescending, speaking down to and patronizing others with their superior intellect.
 
This patronizing nature comes from the belief that everybody else is less knowledgeable than they are.
 
4. Correcting others
 
The one thing that a smarty loves best is to be able to correct somebody else. Jumping in uninvited to a conversation, making a point of identifying errors and flaws in another’s argument, or loudly stating corrections is a sure-fire sign of a know-it-all.
 
5. Making excuses
 
On the other hand, the one thing know-it-alls hate most is to be wrong. You would have a very hard time convincing them of this fact, but if a smarty is proven to be incorrect, especially in a public setting, they will endeavor to find any reason to excuse their misinformation.
 
If they use the wrong word, they might try to pass it off as a colloquialism, for example, or say that they had misheard the question. Anything but admit being wrong!
 
So now we know the key traits of know-it-alls, how can we deal with them?
 
Dealing with a know-it-all
 
As with most unpleasant personality traits, a smarty usually has underlying insecurity that leads to their arrogant behavior. These could include:
  1. Insecurity about their own intellect – trying so hard to bury their feelings of inadequacy that they turn this around into being a know-it-all.
  2. Lack of self-control – they might be compulsive and feel unable to keep quiet even if their contribution to the conversation is unwelcome.
  3. A desire for praise – somebody who yearns for approval might act as an over-achiever, and try to come up with a meaningful answer for every question and appear to be smarter than they are.
How to handle know-it-alls
 
Here are my tips as to how to manage a know-it-all, particularly when they are a person you are likely to encounter every day, such as a family member, friend or colleague.
 
1. Ask questions
 
A smarty wants to wow the world with their knowledge, and can often alienate friends by having a retort or comment deriding every statement somebody else might make.
 
This can be diffused by asking them questions. This gives a know-it-all the outlet to express themselves, get their opinions off of their chest and perhaps might mitigate their compulsion to denigrate anybody else’s thoughts or feelings.
 
2. Define the limitations of your time
 
A smarty-pants wants approval. If you find yourself losing valuable time listening to their ramblings, it is up to you to set the boundaries of your time.
 
Try explaining that, whilst you are interested in their opinion, you have an urgent matter to attend to. Or, set the parameters before you talk if you have a colleague who thinks they know everything and you know can wax lyrical for hours on end.
 
3. Admit to not knowing
 
This only works in some circumstances, but know-it-alls may feel fearful of being ‘found out’ and try to obscure that with having an answer for every question. If this is the underlying reason for their behavior, rather than genuine arrogance, saying that you don’t know the answer could put them at ease.
 
Realizing the comfort with which most people have in not knowing absolutely everything is an assurance that this is completely normal, and that they will not be judged for not being a human encyclopedia!
 
4. Try to be understanding
 
If all else fails, you could try showing tolerance for a smarty-pants who probably finds it very hard to maintain friendships or relationships. They might genuinely not realize the extent of their behavior, or how off-putting it can be, so showing empathy might help them to calm down and control their impulses.

 

Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 

 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle


 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 23:44
Terça-feira, 07 / 01 / 20

8 Toxic Mental Habits That Mess Up Your Life without You Even Knowing

Lauren Edwards-Fowle.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 7th, 2020.

 


 
Mental habits are often established over time. Thus, you often don’t even know that you have these habits and how they can mess up your life without you realizing that.
 
Here are some of the key mental habits that harm your life – and what to do about them!
 
1. Listening to self-doubt
 
Your inner critic is not a nice person; they never are. Whilst we all experience self-doubt at times, allowing yourself to be constantly in a battle with your psyche is one of the worst habits for your mental health.
 
Giving airtime to your self-doubt reinforces those feelings and can make you second-guess and question yourself constantly. This saps your ability to progress, move forward and succeed. You can become locked in a circular battle of wills – with yourself.
 
To combat this, try making a list of things you like about yourself. Reinforce your appreciation of your skills, achievements, and successes. Every time you experience self-doubt, remind yourself of every reason you have to believe in yourself and use them to eliminate the self-doubt that is holding you back.
 
2. Seeking constant approval
 
Doing things for the approval of others is another one of the terrible habits we can fall foul of and can mess up your life and mental health significantly. Paying attention to what other people expect from you means side-lining your dreams and wishes. It often results in going down pathways which were never right for you.
 
Remember that you cannot control other people. The only thing you do have control over is yourself. By trying to gauge your actions based on being rewarded with approval is likely to make you second-guess your choices.
 
Even the words you choose can be affected by seeking constant approval! Try to remember that for all the time you are trying to cater to the expectations of people around you, you are forgetting your own. Be clear with yourself about what you want, and then pursue it for all you are worth.
 
3. Being dramatic
 
It is easy to exaggerate from time to time, particularly if you feel frustrated or excited about something! However, this mental habit can mean you lose the respect of your friends who are less likely to take you seriously when something big does happen.
 
Do people tend to roll their eyes when you start telling a story? You probably have one of these mental habits. If you tend to suffer from anxiety or stress when considering the future, you may be focusing on every worst possible scenario, rather then concentrating on the positives.
 
Try using positive mantras to pinpoint your focus on all the possible things that might go right, instead of being dramatic about all the things that could potentially go wrong.
 
The sky isn’t falling and, if you don’t keep expecting it to, it never will.
 
4. Worrying about things outside of your control
 
Worry is one of those mental habits that can be hard to break. Everybody will have genuine things to worry about from time to time, but allowing them to become the norm is a bad mental habit.
 
Suffering from anxiety and overthinking can mess up your life by having a constant negative affect. What other people think is not something you can control, and creating stress around something like this is bad for your mental health and relationships.
 
Try sharpening your attention on those things you can control; your actions, behavior and the language you use to talk with yourself. Once you have a firm grasp of those factors you can influence, the ones you cannot become less of an issue.
 
5. Feeling guilty
 
Another emotion that we all experience now and then, guilt can become a mental habit that is ingrained in your personality. Guilt does not change anything that has happened but allows negative problems and thoughts to weigh heavily on your mind.
 
If you have a good reason to feel guilty, try making amends and apologizing to those you have hurt. Once you have made all the reparations you can, it is time to move on.
6. Keeping score
 
A common and very dangerous one of the common mental habits in the modern age is keeping score. Often this stems from social media and a desire to perform, achieve, and appear to be ‘more’ than other people.
 
Numbers are not indicative of anything other than their size. They also do not grasp qualitative criteria that have no bearing on a score. Being happy is not something that can be reflected in a number, and nor is being at peace with yourself.
 
Let the numbers go – they are not all that important.
 
7. Making yourself responsible for others
 
Making yourself responsible for others is a mental habit that can cause a tide of negativity. When you take responsibility for things that other people do, you create a burden on your shoulders that you cannot influence, since these things are outside of your control.
 
Remember what you are responsible for, and take ownership of that instead.
 
8. Carrying a grudge
 
Forgiveness can be very hard, especially when someone has upset or hurt you. However, carrying a grudge causes you more damage than it does to the other person and does not allow you to move on from the situation.
 
You do not necessarily need to forget, but to forgive is a powerful tool as it allows you to mentally move away from whatever has happened. Forgive someone, even if it is difficult; your subconscious will thank you for it.
 
 
References:
  1. Lifehack.org
  2. Psychology Today

 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 

 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle


 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
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Alternative to YouTube
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 17:20
Sábado, 14 / 12 / 19

Why Having the Last Word Is So Important for Some People & How to Handle Them

Lauren Edwards-Fowle.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 13, 2019.

 

 

Having the last word for some people means winning the argument. Whilst this clearly isn’t always true, it is a frustrating trait that applies to more than just Wikipedia!

It is worth remembering that the person who wins the debate is not necessarily the person who shouts the loudest, or gets in the last word.

Often a person with this personality is likely to be an egomaniac or bordering on being one. An egomaniac can be defined as a person who is obsessively self-centred or egotistical.

Why do egomaniacs feel the need to have the last word?

There are many reasons people behave as they do. Trying to understand the psyche behind aggressive behaviourscan help to plan your course of action if you regularly deal with people who insist on always having the last word.

Insecurity:

Somebody who lacks confidence or self-esteem may try to assert themselves in other ways, by expressing himself or herself in a forceful way. This is a familiar scenario in bullying, where often the aggressor is a victim in another way.

Should this be the possible reason for their insistence on having the last word, trying to discuss your differences with sensitivity might help to reach a peaceful outcome. They probably need to be heard more strongly than they need to feel validated.

Arrogance:

A person with extreme arrogance may genuinely not be able to accept that they might be incorrect, or that another person’s opinion is equally as valid as their own. This is an unfortunate trait to have, and it may be that an extremely arrogant person simply isn’t worth arguing within any circumstance.
Egocentricity:

Some people simply need to be the centre of attention, and will argue black is white in order to keep the spotlight. This can occur for lots of reasons; they might feel ignored in their home life, or feel impotent in other areas of their social or professional relationships.

If a person is unreasonable simply for attention, it isn’t wise to stroke their ego. You will only find yourself drawn into their appeals for attention, and may be supporting their egocentricity by doing so.

Power:

Having the last word can be perceived as powerful, often by people who lack assertiveness in other areas of their lives. This is a difficult scenario to deal with, as you are the unwitting recipient of their onslaught that is enforcing their own feelings of control and power.

Try not to be drawn into a debate with this person; they will do their utmost to drive you down for their own self-esteem.

Anger:

Refusal to debate calmly can be a reaction to feelings of anger, and shouting down an opponent is a way to express their feelings. In this situation, it may be best to revisit the discussion when the other person has had time to calm down. Otherwise, debating with an angry opponent could quickly turn into a volatile situation.

Dominance:

As with power, a person who feels the innate need to dominate others or to establish their seniority may do so by insisting they have the final word in any conversation. A scenario most likely to exist in the workplace, people can try to demonstrate their dominance over peers or colleagues by forcing them to concede an argument.

In this situation, you need to reinforce your own self-esteem, and perhaps have a third party step in. Don’t be crushed by another person’s drive to control your actions; make sure your voice is heard even when you are speaking quietly.

How should you deal with an egomaniac, and is there any way to have a productive debate?

When you are having a discussion with somebody who refuses to listen, it is wise to choose not to continue the conversation. This might sound counterproductive, but channelling energy and time into a scenario that is never going to have a mutually agreeable outcome is not a worthwhile investment.

If an opponent makes the decision to step away from the debate, this can entirely diffuse the situation. You are not obliged to continue a dialogue that makes you feel uncomfortable. Nor is it your sole responsibility to change the mind of a person who refuses to listen to reason.

Take a step back. There is a better chance that your arguments will mature over time and that any valid points you have made will remain in their thought process and perhaps inform behaviour in time.

Keep your own poise

Feeling frustrated is understandable. If you are trying to reach an agreement in a fruitless discussion, you might feel embattled and try ever more strenuously to communicate your perspective.

If a debate is continuing to escalate, at some point this needs to end before it turns into a heated exchange which is a negative experience for all involved.

In order to de-escalate a tense situation, you might do well to agree to disagree. You don’t ever have to agree with something which you feel is wrong or incorrect, but you can express your acceptance of another person’s point of view without having to concede that you are not right.

Silence speaks volumes

Don’t feel drawn or forced into an impossible discussion. If you know that you are dealing with an egomaniac that has no intention of considering another perspective, you can decide not to engage in the conversation.

Being the bigger person isn’t always the easiest course of action, but may save your headspace from becoming bogged down with an argument that you were never going to win.

Particularly in contentious circumstances (politics springs straight to mind!) it might be wiser to say nothing at all and keep your peace.
References:
  1. Psychology Today
  2. Your Tango
 

 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 

 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle


 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 04:07
Sábado, 16 / 11 / 19

5 Reasons Behind Oversharing on Social Media and How to Stop It

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

November 15th, 2019.

 



 
We love social media. It is an undeniable part of daily life now, and for the most part, that’s okay. Unfortunately, sometimes it can all get too much and we start oversharing personal things on social media.
 
We all know someone whose social media is flooded with stories that are too personal and too detailed to be shared so publicly. There are people who share every minor moment.
 
Oversharing on social media is common and there are some serious psychological reasons behind why we do it.
 
Oversharing can be dangerous. Not only are we often giving away private information like our location, but we’re also often saying things that could jeopardize our jobs. Even when our settings are set to private, there’s usually always a way for our information to be shared publicly without our consent.
 
Anonymity
 
One of the most straight forward reasons behind oversharing on social media is this: no one has to know who you are. Social media sometimes feels a little like shouting into the void, as if no one will hear it.
 
When we overshare on our social media accounts, we experience a delay in returned communication. We don’t have to face the repercussions of our confessions immediately like we would if we revealed a secret in person. We don’t have to see the faces of others and we don’t have to experience the awkwardness.
 
Sometimes, when we overshare on social media, we also fill in our own blanks. We can decide how others will react without ever having to hear it for real.
 
Because of this anonymity, we can overshare all sorts of sordid details about our lives. When we’re posting under our own name, the world seems too far away to notice us. If we want more secrecy, we can even disguise our name.
 
Our voices are diluted online, allowing us to yell our secrets into a crowd of millions. It feels private, even when it’s incredibly public.
 
A Lack of Authority
 
Unlike at work, school, or even at home, there are no authority figures online. Social media is a free-for-all. We can overshare all we like because there’s no one to stop us.
 
Free speech isn’t always a good thing though. We reveal our political alliances, our morals, and values like it’s nothing. In public, we’d never open up with such personal details until we really knew a person.
 
We also forget that social media isn’t all that private. Although our bosses, teachers, and parents might not be watching us in person, there’s no real way to hide our words from them, even if they don’t follow our accounts directly.
Egocentricity
 
Of course, we all assume that anyone who overshares on social media is doing it for attention. We wouldn’t always be wrong on this theory, though I like to pretend that it’s not an all too common reason. Sometimes though, people just want their 15 minutes of fame.
 
As humans, we crave attention. We want to be in people’s thoughts, and we love to know that others are looking, hopefully admiringly, at us. We usually want our selfies, stories and hilarious tweets to catch someone’s attention and bring us some notoriety.
 
On the other hand, some people overshare every detail because they genuinely believe other people care. Sometimes, a person’s narcissistic nature means they think even their most mundane moments are important.
 
These people thrive off the approval that comes from a “like” even when it was done out of habit or kindness, rather than genuine interest.
 
Low Self-Esteem
 
 
In contrast to the self-centered reasons for some, low self-esteem is a common reason why others might overshare on social media. When we’re feeling down about ourselves, we seek the reassurance and approval of others.
 
When someone feels insecure about their image, they seek out compliments, or even just passive likes, as a way of feeling better. One selfie can bring instant reassurance that people do “like” the way we look. The rush we get from this approval makes us want to do it again, and ultimately overshare ourselves.
 
Similarly, we tend to always display what we feel are our best qualities and moments. When we do something we think is interesting or take a selfie we think is attractive, we post it far and wide, so as many people as possible will see it.
 
We overshare all sorts of things that don’t need to be seen by acquaintances we’ve long forgotten, but we want them to see it. We want to be seen as cool or attractive, even if it’s not real.
 
It’s a sort of “say it enough times and you’ll start to believe it” situation. We’ll flood our social media accounts with too much information or too many pictures, hoping the quantity will amount to someone, somewhere, thinking that’s who we really are.
 
The same applies to low self-esteem resulting from our personalities, achievements and life situations. Sometimes, when we post self-deprecating statuses or pictures with sad captions, we get a rush of support.
 
The flood of compliments, pep talks and love are addictive. This leads people to keep oversharing deeper and deeper personal stories on social media, just to receive some reassurance that we aren’t as bad as we feel.
Loneliness
 
In a not too different way, we could be oversharing on social media because we feel alone. Social media gives us an opportunity to tell the world our stories without the repercussions we would have in real life. When we speak out about our secrets, our problems and our concerns, we often learn that we aren’t alone.
 
Often, people take to their social media accounts to reveal things. They’re then met with a community of people who feel the same or have experienced the same thing. Suddenly, they’re not alone anymore. Oversharing isn’t always a terrible thing, as long as it’s met by likeminded people.
 
There are forums and groups on social media sites that cater to every story, and thus, oversharing is welcomed because it’s falling on ears that want to hear it.
 
Be careful what you overshare online because you can’t take it back. Social media is an incredible place to share your story but consider this rule: never post anything you wouldn’t want your grandmother to see. If she shouldn’t see it, neither should acquaintances from years gone by.
 
Once you’ve worked out your reasons for it, you can fix those instead of turning to your social media accounts.
 
References:
 
Becky Storey

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 23:10
Quarta-feira, 30 / 10 / 19

What Is Overgeneralization? How It’s Impairing Your Judgment and How to Stop It

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

October 29, 2019.



 
Overgeneralization is a common way of thinking which is rarely referred to by its real name but is done by almost everyone. Most of us do it at least a little. But some of us allow ourselves to dive so deep into overgeneralizing almost everything that our mental health is at stake. We do this every time we jump to the conclusion that one bad thing equals only bad things in future.
 
Overgeneralization is a kind of cognitive distortion. If you overgeneralize, this means you tend to assume one event is representative of something in its entirety. It is similar to catastrophizing.
 
Examples of Overgeneralization
 
For example, if a person once sees a dog being loud and aggressive, they might assume that all dogs are equally as dangerous and decides to avoid them all. In this scenario, the person is overgeneralizing what dogs are really like. This is how most fears are developed – from overgeneralizing after one difficult experience.
 
Dating and your romantic life are often victims of your overgeneralizing thoughts. If you go on one date with a man and he turns out to be an awful and rude person, you might overgeneralize and conclude that all men are just as terrible. As a result, you will struggle to let anyone close to you again.
 
By jumping so such huge, dramatic conclusions, you could be damaging all your future prospects in a whole variety of ways, from romance to your career, friends and even your family. If you convince yourself that “all” of something is bad or wrong, you’ll be cutting off huge chunks of your life.
 
Overgeneralization can be simple in day to day life and not too disruptive though. For example, when you assume that because you once disliked a mushroom-based meal, you’ll never like anything mushroom related at all.
 
These sorts of things aren’t too problematic and tend to create the simple biases we have which dictate our likes and dislikes. However, certain situations can’t afford to be overgeneralized. That’s because they have such a profound effect on your mental health, especially anxiety and depression.
 
Overgeneralizing Yourself
 
If you suffer from low self-esteem, you’re probably upsettingly familiar with overgeneralization. Many of us have moments where we assume far too quickly and let small occurrences affect our overall perceptions. But some people struggle with overgeneralization on a far more personal level and with much more serious consequences on our wellbeing.
 
By jumping to conclusions about ourselves, we tend to limit our potential. Wed reduce our chances of a full, happy life. Overgeneralizing impairs your judgment and your view of the world around you. Is it familiar to you to hear these words from your inner critic? “I always fail” or “I’ll never be able to do that”. If it is, you’re probably suffering from the effects of low self-esteem as a result of overgeneralization.
 
If you’ve tried at something and failed, you’re more likely to be worried about trying again. But there’s a difference between being worried and being certain you simply can’t do it.
 
Failure is normal and even necessary in the pursuit of a dream. But by overgeneralizing, you might allow yourself to think that you’re always going to fail at anything you try in future.
 
This kind of impaired judgment isn’t fair on yourself. And you owe it to yourself to work on stopping this way of thinking. One failure means nothing in the grand scheme of things. One rejection, one slip-up, even many of them, they don’t mean a thing!
 
How to Stop Overgeneralization
 
As you have seen, overgeneralizing can be so damaging to your mental health and your life as a whole. So it’s clearly very important that we work out how to stop this and get ahead of it before it harms your future too much.
 
Remember that nothing is absolute
 
The single most important thing you can do for yourself when you struggle with overgeneralization is to constantly remind yourself that every experience is unique, and nothing is guaranteed by the past.
 
Even J.K Rowling was rejected numerous times before Harry Potter was finally accepted and published. She knew that “some” didn’t mean “all” – and we all know how well that worked out for her. Just because you did one thing wrong, or even a number of things wrong, there’s no reason to believe things will always be that way. You can learn, you can grow, your luck can change.
 
Watch how you talk to yourself
 
To stop overgeneralizing, you also ought to take more notice of the words you use towards yourself. When using negative self-talk, we tend to make huge sweeping statements which are never true. We say things like “I’ll never be good at this”, “I’ll always be a loser”, “Everybody thinks I’m a loser”. And none of those would be true on a small scale, and definitely aren’t true on a large scale.
 
Consider the phrase “Nobody will ever love me”. Most of us have said this line in our darker moments. But this statement excludes the friends and family we have, who do love us. This happens because we’re hyper-focused on what romantic love we don’t have. These sweeping statements are incorrect and take one small thought and apply it to our entire life.
 
This is terrible for our mental health and should be stopped. Try to avoid using words like never, always, everyone and nobody. These words allow you to apply a giant overgeneralization to a small experience. And this will inevitably impair your judgment of yourself and the world around you.
 
Nothing is that widespread and nothing is that final. When you give yourself a chance to see life that way, you’ll feel much better in yourself.
 
Optimism is key
 
Be open to the idea that not everything is all bad. Overgeneralization tends to be used for negative thoughts, allowing yourself to make those bad feelings even worse. Be optimistic that things can and will change and that the past does not dictate your future.
 
Becky Storey
 
 

 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 
 
publicado por achama às 16:43
A Luz está a revelar a Verdade, e esta libertar-nos-á! -Só é real o AMOR Incondicional. -Quando o Amor superar o amor pelo poder, o mundo conhecerá a Paz; Jimi Hendrix. -Somos almas a ter uma experiência humana!

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