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Quinta-feira, 16 / 01 / 20

7 Signs You Are an Overly Critical Person and How to Stop Being One

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 16th, 2020.

 
 

 
 
You may think that you aren’t an overly critical person until you read about it. If you are, you can learn how to stop.
 
I am an overly critical person. There, I went ahead and admitted a fact about myself. To be honest, in the last few months, I’ve realized quite a bit of unhealthy aspects of my personality. But instead of letting it drag me down, I choose to work on this issue and get better. Are you overly critical?
 
What is an overly critical person?
 
You won’t recognize that you’re criticizing and judging people until it’s been done to you, or until you start reading about the signs. You may think the way you operate is normal, and your intentions are to help others be better people.
 
But remember, every human is an individual, and criticism doesn’t change them, it shouldn’t. If anything is to be changed, it should be done by the one who wants to change. Do you see my point? Well, in case you don’t understand, read on…
 
Signs of criticizing way too much:
 
1. A negative upbringing
 
Unfortunately, so many of us were surrounded by negative people when we were children. Our mothers, our fathers, even extended family members constantly talked about other people, and judged individuals on one trait, or what they wear.
 
If you grew up listening to all this negativity, you may still think it’s normal to criticize people and judge them. Yes, this trait of being overly critical can be deep indeed.
 
2. Labeled a negative person
 
If the people who are close to you are saying that you’re negative all the time, then it might be time to evaluate yourself.
 
No, you don’t have to take everything a person says to heart, but when family and friends repeatedly tell you to stop being so judgemental, then you probably need to change that fact and try to be more positive. If you’re used to being negative, this will be hard to do, but it will be so worth it when results show.
 
3, Micromanaging is second nature
 
If someone in your household is repairing a window or cooking a meal, it will be almost impossible for you to let them do it without your help – moreover, it does not really help, it’s the fact that you will tell them all the ways they’re doing it wrong. You may even take hold of the tools or utensils and do a bit of the work to show them.
 
This is a glaring indication that you are much too critical of others and what they do.
 
4. You have a mental disorder
 
I hate mentioning this one again because it seems to be a growing issue. However, if you have a mental disorder, you may also have a problem with criticizing people. Paranoia will make youconstantly ask questions about how someone is completing a task. Anxiety will make you criticize almost everything, honestly.
 
I do this. If I don’t have consistency, then something is wrong. If someone looks shady, then I will say they’re shady. Yes, I am embarrassed to admit it, but mental illness can cause us to become extremely judgmental while we wish others weren’t so judgemental of us. So, when we fight the stigma, remember, let’s fight the judgment in ourselves as well.
 
5. Nothing is completely enjoyable
 
Do you know those people who go out and have a good time and come home smiling? Yeah, I’m not one of them. I want to be, and I want it so badly I could scream. You will recognize the overly critical person by the fact that they find something wrong with everything.
 
You could simply be going to see a movie, and they will complain about some trivial little things like too many previews. Ordinary people enjoy the movie and go home happy. No matter how fun the day is, the critical people will find the fault – we will find the crack in perfection.
 
6. You’re always moody
 
An overly critical person will always be moody, whether they have depression or not. That’s because not everyone else is doing things as you would do them.
 
For instance, a critical person can get angry because someone forgets to open the door for them. This could have been a one-time incident, but they will label it as being inconsiderate. There are so many things that moody people notice and it makes them even darker.
 
7. You complain all the time
 
A critical person will complain so much that they prepare themselves for the bad day they will have, no kidding. I got in the habit for a while of waking up and immediately wondering how someone was going to make me mad at some point during the day. I should have been thankful and thinking about all the time I had to get good things done.
 
Then when people come around, and something isn’t right, like you expected, you complain. You complain if you get too much attention, you complain if you aren’t, you complain if it rains, you complain if it stays dry and hot. No matter how wonderful the day is, a constant critical person will make it tarnished.
How do we stop this?
 
So, since I do this too, we gotta learn to stop together, right? I’ve been reading up on some material that’s starting to help me with this problem. If that critical thinking is deep-rooted in childhood, then when you start thinking that way, remember where it comes from and say a resounding “NO!”
 
What this does is it reminds you that you are not your ancestors, and you can see the world in a different way.
 
If you suffer from a mental disorder, then working with your therapist and telling them ALL the truth about your day will help them find ways to turn your thought process around. It’s all about your mindset.
 
I’ve learned that. You see, you’ve set your mind to bad, and gradually, with small steps, you can set it to good. Instead of saying, “Oh god, I wonder what crap I will have to put up with the day.”, say,“Oh, I am so excited to start this new day!”
 
For the complainers, practice finding at least one good thing about the person you’re criticizing. For the ones who criticize even their fun times, try to only have fun and ignore those pestering thoughts telling you that the drive was too long, or the bathrooms were too dirty.
 
It’s all about practice, you see. It’s bettering yourself a little bit every day. If you fail, just try again. Don’t let others’ negative remarks spark your negativity. Return a negative comment with a nice one. It will startle them and they will get confused. I’ve been doing this lately.

 

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 18:45
Terça-feira, 14 / 01 / 20

4 Signs of a Micromanaging Boss and What to Do If You Have One

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 11th, 2020.

 
micromanaging boss.

 
 
 

 
The day to day grind of working in an office can lead one to think that their experience is the norm. However, having a manager that monitors everything and a lack of freedom at work can harm both your performance and well-being. In this post, we explore the 4 signs that you have a micromanaging boss and what you can do to deal with them.
 
What does it mean to micromanage?
 
The practice of micromanagement isn’t restricted to the workplace. However, this is where micromanagers are often found.
 
Micromanagement refers to exerting excessive control over a person or a situation. This can occur within a social context, at work, or even in relationships. An obsession over the minute detail over what someone is doing, rather than looking at the bigger picture is a key characteristic of someone who micromanages.
 
Sometimes, micromanagement can take on a bullying persona where one person attempts to completely control and influence the actions and behavior of another. If this sounds all too familiar, then it may be that your boss is micromanaging you.
 
In the next section, we look at some of the familiar traits of a micromanager in the workplace.
 
4 signs that your boss is micromanaging you
 
1. Your freedom is restricted
 
Do you feel like your boss is constantly looking over your shoulder? Or that you have to run everything (even small things) by them first? Feeling a lack of freedom in your job is a sure sign that you have a micromanaging boss.
 
Good managers trust their staff, as they recognize that they are qualified for the role they are undertaking. A boss that is partial to micromanagement does not feel this trust and doesn’t allow their employees to make decisions for themselves.
 
Autonomy at work is an important means of keeping you interested in your job as it gives you room to be creative. Feeling trusted to make decisions is also essential in a work environment to ensure you feel valued and empowered.
 
2. Your boss is reluctant to give you training
 
Another indication that you have a micromanaging boss is if they’re reluctant for you to undertake any training or development opportunities. This comes from the fear that through upskilling their staff, they will decrease their own value and importance. This aspect of being micromanaged can feel particularly restrictive as it makes it difficult to progress in your career.
 
So, if you’ve noticed your manager won’t share their knowledge with you or brushes over training opportunities, it is likely they are guilty of micromanaging.
 
3. They can’t see the big picture
 
Part of being a good manager comes from being able to see the bigger picture and trusting that their employees have their individual tasks in hand.
 
A micromanager, however, is unable to do this. They are obsessed with the minute detail within projects. This means that instead of being free to just ‘get on with it’ you’re constantly forced to update your boss on what you’re doing.
 
This could be in the form of regular reports, constant team meetings to feedback on progress, or a persistent email thread that feels incredibly unproductive. It can feel like you spend most of your time updating your boss on what you’re doing rather than actually doing the work itself.
 
If this sounds like your experience, then it’s likely your boss is micromanaging the work you do.
 
4. They don’t like to delegate
 
Another trait of a micromanaging boss is that they don’t like to delegate. All of the points above ring true of a person who lacks faith in others, and this aspect of micromanagement is no different.
 
A micromanaging manager will often refuse to pass on important tasks to their team as they feel they are the only ones qualified to undertake them. This can lead to an overwhelming workload for them, and a feeling of discontent amongst other team members.
 
Difficulties in delegating can also lead to unnecessary delays and projects that feel like they are never-ending.
 
How to deal with a micromanaging boss?
 
Unsurprisingly, showing a lack of faith in the team, a refusal to help team members develop, and the refusal to delegate leads to an unsatisfactory work life for those under the leadership of a micromanager. However, it doesn’t have to be like this. Here are some tips on how to deal with your micromanaging boss.
 
1. Be honest
 
It can seem daunting to criticize the behavior of your manager. However, it may be that they don’t realize the impact that their micromanaging is having.
 
Next time you have a one-to-one scheduled, prepare what you want to say to your manager and write down some examples of when their micromanaging has gone too far. Highlight how their managing style is impacting on your ability to do your job and your well-being at work. An open and honest conversation can feel scary beforehand, but the benefits are likely to be well worth it.
 
2. Be one step ahead of them
 
If you’ve been working under a micromanager for a while, you can no doubt anticipate when and what they are planning to ask you. By anticipating this beforehand you can provide the answers to their questions before they have the chance to breathe over your shoulder.
 
This could be in the form of an email at the start or end of the week to update them on any progress. In showing them that you’re fully on top of things, it may give them the confidence to give you the space you need.
Final Words
 
Handling a micromanaging boss can feel like a job in itself. It can mean that you feel incredibly restricted in your work and affect your happiness in your job.
 
Opening up to your manager that their managing style is not working for you can feel like a huge hurdle to jump over. However, it can lead to a much-needed discussion around how you can best work together to make the work environment a happy and productive place.
 
References:

  1. https://www.rd.com
  2. https://www.forbes.com

 

 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 20:58
Segunda-feira, 13 / 01 / 20

How Can We Strengthen Love And Relationships In Tough Planetary Times?

By Guest Writer Issy Lovett.

prepareforchange.net/.

Posted January 11, 2020 by Edward Morgan.

 
.

 

 
Life-changing world events that occurred in 2019, including natural disasters (think the Alabama Tornado), shootings in schools, and terrorist attacks across the globe, have placed many people across the globe in ‘fight or flight’ mode. Indeed, according to a Gallup poll, in a country like the U.S., around 55% of people say they experience stress frequently throughout the day, and one of the top sources of stress is worry about the political situation/the state of the nation. At the same time, the millennial generation, which will soon be the largest population group in many parts of the world, is counteracting tension, segregation and hatred with love. As found by Harvard scientists Professors Casper ter Kuille and Angie Thurston, millennials may be turning away from organized religions, but they are keener than ever on feeling like part of something larger than themselves. Spirituality, for them, is the bridge that leads to planetary union, but it is just one of many means to reach a place of love and unity, despite the disparate and violent forces that threaten their health and happiness.
 

Self-Love Is Guilt-Free In The New Millennium

When Whitney Houston sang that “learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all,” she pointed to what were only the beginnings of the movement of self-compassion that is so important if we are to give our best selves to others and survive the sometimes-hostile world. A Duke University study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that your ability to survive tough events (think hostile world, and local and personal events) depends directly on how kindly you treat yourself. “Self-compassion helps to eliminate a lot of the anger, depression and pain we experience when things go badly,” said Mark R Leary, lead researcher. 
 

What Does Self-Compassion Involve?

Self-compassion rests on three main pillars: understanding instead of criticizing yourself, common humanity (understanding that you are part of this great planet) and mindful acceptance (recognizing and accepting difficult feelings and ‘riding through them’, knowing they are not permanent and they do not define you. Self-compassion helps you react less strongly to hostility, to accept responsibility where it is due, and to buffer yourself against negative events. When you are self-compassionate, your happiness does not depend on specific outcomes or achievements.
 

Unexpected Connections

Once you feel happy within your own skin and you have mastered the art of self-acceptance, it is time to bring your most loving, supportive self to others. The Harvard scientists mentioned above report that millennials are finding rich, meaningful connections in very different places than their parents or grandparents used to. Professor ter Kuille has conducted extensive research into millennial spirituality, finding that “Two-thirds believe in God or a universal spirit, and one in five even pray every day.” What has changed isn’t necessarily belief. Rather, it is where people congregate. Today, millennials are consistently “creating new forms of community that fulfil the role that traditional churches used to.” His findings indicate that one vital way to counteract planetary division, negativity and violence, is to create communities based on support, union and love. There are many ways that you can do this; one way is by starting up a group centered around your hobby. Whether stress-busting nature walks, intense hot yoga sessions, or upbeat spin classes are your thing, take time to stop and talk to the people you see regularly in class. Find out who they are and why they are there; see what you have in common and support and encourage them to do their best. Little by little, your little spin class can turn into a friendship group in which each member supports, cares for, and looks forward to seeing, their little ‘family’.
 

Kindness And Those You Already Love

It is, of course, important to share love with those who have always been there for your – your work colleagues, family and old friends. In order to make your gestures truly count, try to speak to them in their chosen ‘love language’. According to best-selling author Gary Chapman, there are five languages in total: acts of service, words of affirmation or appreciation, quality time, touch, and gift-giving. If your loved ones enjoy giving gifts, this does not make them materialistic, since gifts can be small but symbolic. Whatever you do gift others, make sure it is meaningful. If you have an upcoming anniversary, for instance, show your spouse or partner you care by looking up the list of wedding gifts by year. These indicate that the first year is paper, the third is leather, the sixth is iron, and so forth. For an iron anniversary present, definitely forego a kitchen pan! Go for something symbolic like a wrought iron heart, a carved flower figure, or a decorative piece that represents the strength of your love.
 

Paying It Forward

Once you are strong within yourself and you have built a loving social circle, you are ready to counter-balance world hostility by making positive changes. The ‘pay it forward’ movement involves doing one kind act to someone you may not necessarily know. The key is that you should give it without return, only asking the recipient to ‘pay it forward’ and exert an act of kindness on somebody else. The ripple effect can be powerful; in fact, it can cause a tidal wave of positive thought and belief systems that inspire the kind of change the world so desperately needs.
 
The world can be a tough and unforgiving place, but while you are alive, why not make the world better and celebrate yourself and others? It all begins with loving yourself and being non-judgmental. Once you realize that the human condition is common to everyone, you can build and strengthen ties with others. Finally, paying it forward to someone you don’t know but are inexorably united with is the ultimate act of positive change.

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 05:24
Segunda-feira, 13 / 01 / 20

Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness and How to Do It

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

January 10, 2020

 



 
 
I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all been wronged in some way. Whether it’s a nasty break-up, betrayal by a friend, or an old school bully, once we hold a grudge against them, it’s hard to let go. Letting go of grudges is good for our health, but it’s hard to do.
 
We say we’ve forgiven, but we don’t forget. Sometimes, a grudge can last a lifetime. It’s time to start letting go of the grudges we hold and start fresh with a healthier new outlook.
 
 
We hold grudges for a whole host of reasons. Psychologists have suggested that we use grudges to define ourselves and excuse our bad behavior. We write off our coldness, mistrust and sometimes plain rudeness, as the result of past hurt.
 
Some suggest that we are holding grudges as a subconscious way to get sympathy and extra kindnessthat we didn’t get initially. This is especially true with victims of school-aged bullies. At the time, there was little support for the hardship. As an adult, if we tell our stories, others will feel bad for us. We hold onto our grudges towards these bullies, so we can keep re-telling the story.
 
While those reasons might require more intensive thought, some other reasons can be more superficial. We might consider holding a grudge to be a form of revenge. Never letting go of the grudge means never letting the offender get away with their crimes.
 
The reality is, those who wronged you probably aren’t even aware of your reserved hostility, or even worse, they don’t care. Instead of holding onto this pain, perhaps it’s time to work on letting go of these grudges.
 
Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness
 
They Serve No Purpose
 
If psychologists are correct in their theories on holding grudges, then we can see that the reasons are never beneficial. Holding onto the anger or pain won’t help us to heal from the hurt. It won’t undo the damage done in the past.
 
Grudges won’t serve as a kind of revenge. Even if the offender is begging for forgiveness, there is no benefit to YOU by never letting go of the grudge.
 
They’re Bad for Your Health
 
A number of studies have shown that holding onto grudges can cause a serious decline in health. Having a grudge to carry with you means you’re repeatedly becoming angry every time the memory comes to your mind. We certainly all know by now that anger has a negative effect on our health. Constantly recurring anger is dangerous.
 
Anger, and in turn holding grudges, can lead to increases in heart rate and blood pressure. When we’re angered, our body’s stress response is triggered, leading to a whole host of unhealthy chemical reactions inside us. If you want to keep your body healthy and safe, you’d better start letting go of some grudges.
 
They Consume Us
 
Grudges are just pain that we carry with us everywhere. As well as the toll they take on our psychical body, they also have negative impacts on our mental health too. Negative thoughts take over from positive ones usually. They consume more of our time and fill our minds with a negative voice.
 
Overthinking the causes, possible solutions, and the revenge you crave will make it harder for your brain to function. Your usually clear thinking will be swallowed whole by the anger and frustration you let ruminate in your mind all day.
 
Not letting go of your grudges will lead to anger, mistrust, and resentment leaking out into your current life. Your personal relationships will suffer. Your career will suffer. Progression can only happen when you untie yourself from the past.
 
How to Start Letting Go of Grudges
 
Take Charge of Your Needs
 
Instead of letting the hurt swirl around your mind all day and night, try going after what you really need to solve this problem. Depending on the length of your grudge and the situation you’re in, talking it out might not be an option.
 
Instead, try talking to yourself. If you can’t get closure, then you have to close the door yourself. This might be easier said than done, but it is possible. Remind yourself of what you’re losing by being angry so often. Notice how little you’re gaining.
 
If you are in a position to talk to the person who hurt you, then do. Be confident in yourself and your needs. Sometimes, you need closure for your wellbeing.
 
Tell this person how hurt you were by what they did and explain that it’s still chipping away at you. If they respond in kind, open up a dialogue. If they don’t, know your pain and this person were never worth it. Let go of this grudge.
 
Embrace Your Mental Strength
 
You can’t change the past. You can’t make the person who hurt you feel guilty. You can, however, change your own thinking. It’s time to get in touch with your own thoughts and slow them down when you feel angry.
 
Remember that your brain was able to create this pain, so it’s able to let it go too. Letting go of grudges is entirely down to you. It’s not going to be easy but letting go can be a choice. You can choose not to hate, or feel anger, anymore.
 
When the frustrated thoughts occur to you, breathe them out. Remind yourself that this person has no power, only you do. No more letting this person win, especially if they’re already out of your life.
 
Distract yourself when these thoughts occur and forbid yourself from dwelling on them. No more obsessing, no more giving any of your precious time to this person who did you wrong.
 
See It from Their Side
 
It might be tough, even painful to do, but sometimes it can be helpful to put yourself in their shoes. Understand what happened in the beginning from a neutral point of view and wonder about how you would have reacted from their side.
 
Remember, we have all done wrong in our lives. We’ve all caused hurt in some way, it’s almost guaranteed. We are flawed, and that’s okay. Don’t place yourself on such a high pedestal that you can never forgive others’ mistakes.
 
It’s also important to understand that a person rarely has malicious intentions when they hurt us, they just acted thoughtlessly or inconsiderately towards our feelings. Rarely are our offenders genuinely evil. Their behavior may have been wrong but trying to connect with the reasons behind their actions might help you find solace.
 
Find the Root Cause
 
Most of the time, when we’re having trouble letting go of a grudge, there’s a deeper cause that we’re missing. This pain we carry tends to reflect a deep value that we hold that has been violated.
 
It can be beneficial to learn why this matter hurts you so much. Once you understand what fundamental moral of yours has been violated, you can start letting go of this grudge. Deep dive into why this moral is so important.
 
Most importantly, if you feel that something essential to you has been violated, then you know this person doesn’t belong in your life or mind. They don’t deserve your thoughts, because, in the end, their choices do not line up with your beliefs and values.
 
Letting go of grudges can be hard, but holding on is dangerous. Allow yourself to release the past. Be optimistic about your future, without bearing the weight of an ancient grudge. You’ll be surprised to see just how prosperous you can be when your mind is free from the torture that is on-going anger.
 
 
References:
  1. https://www.usnews.com
  2. https://journals.sagepub.com
  3. https://www.psychologytoday.com
 

Becky Storey
 

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com

 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 05:00
Sábado, 28 / 12 / 19

20 Signs of a Narcissistic Perfectionist Who Is Poisoning Your Life

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

December 27th, 2019.

 
Narcissistic Perfectionist signs.
 
 
 
Psychological terms such as narcissism and perfectionist have been around for decades. We understand their character traits, even if we don’t possess them ourselves. But what happens when the two collide? Is there such a thing as a narcissistic perfectionist? And if so, what impact does it have on a person’s life?
 
Understanding the Narcissistic Perfectionist
 
It is easy to explain this kind of person. We simply break down the two components of their personality.
 
 
So, we know that narcissists, as well as putting themselves first, have the following character traits:
 
Narcissists:
  • A grandiose sense of self
  • A sense of entitlement
  • They think they are special and unique
 
On the other hand, perfectionists set themselves impossibly high standards.
 
Perfectionists:
  • Strive for flawless performance
  • They will work tirelessly, be extremely self-critical.
  • Some will have a tendency to procrastinate.
 
Now, it’s not quite as simple as putting these two character traits together. This is because the narcissist who is also a perfectionist projects their perfectionism onto other people, not themselves. This is the difference between a perfectionist and a person with narcissistic traits.
 
The narcissistic perfectionist sets these unrealistic goals and targets for other people. Furthermore, they get angry and hostile if they don’t reach these impossible goals.
 
Dr. Simon Sherry is a clinical psychologist and an associate professor. He works in the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience.
 
 
“Narcissistic perfectionists have a need for other people to satisfy their unreasonable expectations… And if you don’t, they get angry.” Dr. Simon Sherry
 
Studies into This Type of Personality
 
Studies included researching the biographies of famous CEOs with narcissistic perfectionism. Employees reported their bosses lashing out at them for very minor mistakes. They would be held in high-esteem one minute then go from ‘hero to zero’ the next.
 
 
In addition, employees would be routinely derogated in front of co-workers. The CEOs would be hyper-critical, to the point of outright hostility.
 
So why is this combination so lethal?
 
“But high expectations paired with feelings of grandiosity and entitlement to the perfect performance of others creates a much more negative combination.” Dr. Simon Sherry
 
So far we have talked about top CEOs, but what about in everyday life? What if the perfectionist narcissist is a member of your own family?
 
Logan Nealis is a Clinical Psychology Ph.D. student. He is working with the Personality Research Team.
 
 
“A narcissistic perfectionist parent demands perfect performance from his daughter on the hockey rink, but not necessarily from anyone else out there.” Logan Nealis
 
But it’s not just about demanding perfection from people around them. It is also about basking in the glow of success through the perfection achieved by those around them. The narcissist can say, through these perfect achievements, ‘Look how good I am!’
Typical Behaviors of a Narcissistic Perfectionist
 
So how can you spot someone with narcissistic perfectionist tendencies? According to recent studies, there are several major red flags:
 
“Our most consistent finding across the two studies is that narcissistic perfectionism is associated with social negativity in the form of anger, derogation, conflict and hostility,” explains Dr. Sherry.
 
This social negativity goes hand-in-hand with the narcissist’s sense of superiority. So they won’t just take the time to critically humiliate you. In fact, they’ll do all of that whilst maintaining this sense that they are better than you.
 
The narcissist who also believes in perfectionism will react in violent and hostile outbursts. These outbursts will be a complete over-reaction to the mistake in question. For example, imagine that you have made one very small spelling error on a document. The narcissist perfectionist boss would drag you out in front of your co-workers, shout and scream at you and sack you on the spot.
 
Also, don’t forget, any errors will never be the narcissist’s fault. It is inconceivable to them that they might be wrong or the mistake is theirs. This black and white thinking just adds to the problem.
 
“In the world view of a narcissistic perfectionist, the problem exists outside of themselves. It’s the co-worker, it’s the spouse, it’s the roommate.” Dr Sherry
 
20 Signs Someone You Know Is a Narcissistic Perfectionist
 
  1. Many of us work for bosses that demand perfection. But what’s the difference between someone who wants the best work from you, or the narcissist who just happens to be a perfectionist too? And what about family and friends? Do you recognise any of the following signs?
  2. They set impossible demands/targets/goals
  3. These goals are for everyone else, not themselves
  4. They react inappropriately when something does not go their way
  5. You are always walking on eggshells around them
  6. You never know how they are going to react
  7. They are hyper-critical in everything you do
  8. Everything you do is up for criticism
  9. The rules apply to you but not to them
  10. They can bend the rules, but you never can
  11. They get impatient with you
  12. They demand great things from you
  13. You can’t ever be yourself around them
  14. You’re afraid of them
  15. They’re unprofessional at work
  16. They expect too much from you
  17. You’re not allowed to offer ‘excuses’
  18. It’s never their fault
  19. They are always right
  20. They don’t want to hear explanations
  21. If you make a mistake, they get hostile and angry
 
You might recognise some of the above signs. They may apply to a boss, a partner, a friend or a family member. Dealing with the narcissistic perfectionist in your life depends on the circumstances. If it is your boss, there might not be much you can do apart from seeking alternative employment.
 
For personal relationships, however, Dr. Sherry believes that getting the person to understand the impact of their behaviour is the way forward. Typically, the narcissist will not seek treatment. They may do it only in the end stages when their marriage has failed, or they have lost a company for example.
 
Final Thoughts
 
It is extremely difficult to change the mindset of a narcissist, particularly one with perfectionist traits. Sometimes the only thing you can do is leave, for your own sanity.
  1. medicalxpress.com
  2. www.sciencedaily.com
  3. www.researchgate.net
 

 
Janey Davies

 





About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

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publicado por achama às 06:17
Quinta-feira, 19 / 12 / 19

What Is Empathy, What Are the Types and Why Do We Need It?

By Valerie Soleil.

learning-mind.com.

Posted December 18th, 2019. 

 




 
“I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.” – Maya Angelou
 
 
The term empathy was first introduced to the English language by American psychologist E.B. Titchener. He coined the term after translating the German counterpart “Einfühlung”. However, he was referring to the phenomena of motor mimicry. This is where someone is directing mimicking another’s actions.
 
What Is Empathy?
 
The term we know and use today is very different. Empathy can be tricky to define since it covers a broad area. While it is hard to define, many can agree on one common opinion; it is an automatic mental response to someone else’s actions, thought process, or emotions.
 
Simply put, empathy is the ability to fully comprehend or experience other people’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Ever heard the phrase “walk a mile in someone’s shoes”? This is referring to empathy.
 
What Is the Difference Between Sympathy and Empathy?
 
These terms are different in reality, however, they are often used interchangeably in speech.
 
Although they seem very similar, there is a very clear distinction between empathy and sympathy. Sympathy is when you share the feelings of another person which can relate to feelings and emotions.
 
“A distinction is maintained between self and other. Sympathy involves the experience of being moved by, or responding in tune with, another person.” – Hodges and Myers
 
Empathy is when you fully understand the feelings of another but do not always share or feel them. However, sometimes empathy can lead to shared feelings and emotions.
 
“Empathy is often defined as understanding another person’s experience by imagining oneself in that other person’s situation: One understands the other person’s experience as if it were being experienced by the self, but without the self actually experiencing it.” – Hodges and Myers
 
What Is the Difference Between Empathy and Empaths?
 
Empathy is the ability to read and appreciate another person. It can be a tough situation they are going through or simply understanding their points of view in a conversation. At times you can feel their emotions, but this isn’t always the case.
 
Empaths are susceptibly emotional people. They experience high levels of understanding when it comes to reading another person’s emotional state of being. As a consequence, this usually translates into directly sharing the emotions of someone else.
 
Their intense empathy creates a shared emotional understanding. Where an empath strongly feels the emotions of people around them, this can be a one on one experience or in a large crowd. Many people who are empaths are unaware. They simply accept that they are sensitive to the energy around them. Or that they feel more emotions than the average person.
 
Empaths can tune into another living being’s experience intuitively, whether they know they are doing so or not. Some empaths can even experience the energy of all living things like plants and animals.
 
It sounds cool being an empath. However, people who do not understand it are left feeling drained, or over-energized. All without even realizing what happened. However, if you learn to accept your over-emotional empathic energy, you can manage or even harness it.

  • What Are the Types of Empathy?
  • Cognitive Empathy
  • Emotional Empathy
  • Compassionate Empathy

 
There are three different types of empathy. Some people are better at understanding one type. However, you can develop all three. If you can you are on your way to becoming an emotionally intelligent human being.
 
A person high in perspective-taking may be good at understanding others’ points of view. Yet they might be prone to emotional cues. Or, an emotionally developed person could be good at experiencing emotional states.
 
Usually, we can all appreciate each type on some level. The key is to keep an open mind when communicating. Then you can deeply relate to another person.
 
Cognitive Empathy
 
Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand someone’s thought process. It makes us better communicators. This is because it helps us recognize the best way to communicate. In addition, we can relate to someone in their own words, so to speak.
 
This refers to the ability to comprehend what a person might be thinking on a level others cannot. You can develop this level of empathy by simply asking the question “What is the other person going through? How are they thinking in this situation”?
 
This type can be a huge advantage. Especially when you find yourself needing to “get inside another person’s head”. This trait is perfect for leadership roles, undergoing negotiations, or trying to manage a large group. However, those who react purely with this type can seem cold or unattached since it does not invoke feelings or emotions.
 
Emotional Empathy
 
This is affective empathy. It is the ability to share the feelings of someone else. This type helps you build emotional relationships with others. This refers to the ability to recognize the feelings of another person through an emotional connection. It answers the question: “How does the other person feel?”
 
Have you ever been watching a sad movie and found yourself crying? This is the most basic example of emotional empathy. Most of us have this emotional capacity on some level. However, it can be challenging to speak to a person you might not like very much and still be able to feel emotional empathy for them.
 
Emotional empathy is wonderful but like anything, it can have its downside. One downside of this type occurs when people lack the ability to manage their own emotions as well as the overwhelming amount of emotions they feel when communicating with other people. It can lead to a feeling of burn out and exhaustion.
 
Compassionate Empathy
 
This is empathic concern. This usually is the most intense version of empathy. Actually, it goes far beyond simply feeling or understanding the emotions of others. This is usually what drives people to volunteer, take action or help all living beings in any way possible.
 
Have you have ever experienced the real agony of seeing an animal on the street, or a child being abused and felt this strong urge to do something? This is compassionate empathy. The main question asked is: “What can I do to help?”
 
This particular kind uses your emotional intelligence to help a situation. It invokes not only an emotional response but also intellectual problem-solving.
 
This type is so vital, especially in today’s society. This is because it involvesaction. Typically invoking the first two types of empathy as well. If you can truly understand and share the feelings of another being, you can help them on a deeper level.
 
Why Do We Experience Empathy?
 
Now let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of why we have the capability of empathy in the first place. We have something called “mirror neurons”. These fire when animals or humans observe and experience emotion in others. This was a huge breakthrough in the field of neuroscience. In fact, it gave us a great understanding of why we feel empathy.
 
Empathy is an adaptation that we essentially needed to evolve. Evolution teaches us that specialized neurobiological mechanisms in the prefrontal cortex have evolved in humans. They not only perceive but also predict and respond accordingly. This is why different types exist. But also why we need to be able to comprehend and utilize all three of them.
 
Why Do We Need It?
 
“When you show deep empathy toward others, their defence energy goes down and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.”- Stephen Covey
 
Try this experiment the next time you are stuck in traffic or waiting in line for something. Take a serious look at the people around you and imagine who they might be, what kind of lives do they live? What they might be thinking at this very moment? Are they frustrated? Happy? Bored? Try to really consider the state of this person. This will help put yourself in their shoes and will help to develop empathy.
 
Empathy is very important when it comes to building genuine relationships with others. Start with your family or significant other. Because if you can’t connect with the most important people in your life, then who can you connect with?
 
Empathy from a global perspective is so crucial. In society, we are often taught to look out for number one, pursue our own goals, whatever the cost might be. And yes, self-care and goals are important. However, we need to stop looking at ourselves as separate from others. We should start looking at ourselves as one. Because after all, we are all the same at the end of the day. Each person experiences the same struggles, joys, pain, and love that we do.
 
Empathy is what pushes people to help when there are major disasters. Ordinary people are willing to help strangers. Not only because they feel a profound level of compassion towards them. But also because they know if the roles were reversed, others would help them. Without it, the world would be a much darker place to live.
 
 
Empathy is so significant for human connection. Likewise, human connections are what contribute to a happy, healthy life. It really does make the world go ‘round.
 
How to Be More Empathetic in Relationships
 
The key factors to empathic interactions are listening and understanding.
 
Most of us have this terrible habit of talking at people instead of actually talking to them. We say our piece and for us, the conversation is over. Then, while the other person is speaking, we are already thinking about what we want to say next instead of listening to what is coming out of their mouths.
 
Actively listening means that you are trying not to judge the other person. You are actually listening without interrupting or formulating a response.
 
Healthy relationships require patience, nurturing and thoughtfulness. A relationship that lacks empathy typically won’t last. This is because both sides aren’t receiving what they truly need. When people only think of their own interests, they have nothing else to offer another person.
 
By striving to understand someone’s needs you can build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. This is so important when building a romantic relationship with a partner.
 
 
The workplace may be one of the most difficult places for empathetic relationships to develop. Mainly as many people tend to separate their personal feelings from the workplace. However, a successful work environment usually requires teamwork. So, it’s important to utilize empathy in the workplace. Without it, it’s much easier to fall into disagreements. In the long run, this can make a workplace a very hostile place to be.
 
This can also be applied to managing others. Bosses who lack empathy are likely to have miserable employees. In addition, their work will suffer because of it. It has been proven that people work better from praise and acknowledgements then they do from fear and punishment.
 
By actively practising empathy in the workplace, we can inspire others to work harder. Only then can they can contribute their unique needs and talents.
 
Teaching empathy is so important in early childhood. Especially when responding to a child’s needs and emotions. Children continue to develop empathy when they see their parents or caregivers practising it. This is because children mimic not only actions but also feelings and emotions from the people around them.
 
This is a very common trait that sociopaths lack. They never learned to develop empathy or solid relationships at a young age. As a result, they lack the ability to develop it later in life.
 
Final Thoughts
 
Self-awareness and a non-judgmental attitude are needed before you can properly empathize with someone else. Look within yourself and find the strength to understand we are all connected. It doesn’t matter what is on the outside. At the core, every person is experiencing life in a similar way.
 
Empathy can not only strengthen your relationships but it will genuinely make you a better human being. One who leads a happy productive life.
 
References:

Valerie Soleil


 



 
About the Author: Valerie Soleil


Valerie Soleil is a writer with over 5 years of experience and holds a bachelor degree in law and a B.A. in Psychology. She is a physical & mental health enthusiast who constantly expands her knowledge about the mysteries of the human body and mind. Some of the activities Valerie is particularly passionate about are traveling and reading because they help her broaden her horizons.
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
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publicado por achama às 05:38
Quarta-feira, 04 / 12 / 19

Could You Be Dating a Psychopath? 9 Signs to Watch out for

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 3, 2019.

 
Dating a Psychopath.

 



Yes, all relationships have problems, but some are far worse. Although rare, you could be dating a psychopath.

Dating has its own challenges, but when you start calling each other names, like psychopath or Maniac, it gets rough. Yes, it is possible that you could be dating a psychopathic person, but you really don’t know until you’ve researched the illness. In fact, the psychopath has physical differences which can be seen when looking at the brain. Of course, only a doctor can do this. As for the outer signs…

Are you dating a psychopath?
Let’s be honest, people throw around titles for others just because of a few strange characteristics. We often hear someone say, “He’s a narcissist”, or “She’s so bipolar”. You should never call each other derogatory names, especially if those names are real conditions. Those are serious personality issues and the person doing this could be just as sick as the other. So, how do we know the truth about these things?
Signs of the psychopath:
1. They have charisma…at first

A psychopath will not come over as a rude or uncaring person, well, not at first. In fact, they will be the most amazing person to be around, with their charm and social magnetism.

Everyone who encounters the psychopath on a friendship level will think they are one of the best people around, and they will continue to think this until they cross into certain areas of the psychopath’s life where truths emerge. A psychopath can hold this charismatic personality well for long periods of time, even years.
2. They make rash decisions

You may pick up on the true character of the psychopath when you pay attention to how they make decisions. This type of person is usually impulsive, giving little thought to the things they want to do. You may notice they don’t ask your opinion about much of anything. They just tell you what they’re about to do, or even do it before you even know what’s happened.
3. Manipulation

One of the most common attributes of the psychopath is manipulation. If they want something, they will do almost anything to get it, but most of all, they will use manipulative tactics. They will tell you that giving in to something makes you love them more, or truly love them, and if you don’t, then…you don’t love them at all.

They play upon your feelings this way, making it incredibly hard to deny them, and if you do, they will make sure you feel their passive-aggressive wrath. You see, not all psychopaths are killers, like from the movies. Some of them kill you emotionally by ignoring you or doing things intentionally to hurt you. All of this comes by the weapon of, you guessed it, manipulation.
4. They are always bored

The psychopath needs constant stimulation. If they don’t receive it, they will be looking for something or someone else to stimulate them. Unlike some of us who can be content with doing nothing sometimes, this is impossible for them.

They always have to be playing games, going out, being active, getting attention – you name it. It’s really hard to keep the psychopath interested for long before they’re whining about how bored they are or they are off and running with impulsive behavior again.

5. They disobey authority

That impulsivity that I mentioned above, yes, that can lead to disobeying the law, which is another sign you could be dating a psychopath. They usually disregard the speed limit and they usually play on their phones while driving. They may be drug users or alcoholics even.

But if you pay attention, you will notice, they break the law in some way if they are psychotic. It’s a combination of being bored, ego, and other aspects of their personality disorder.
6. They are pathological liars

Accuse a psychopath of lying and they will deny it, all the time. They hardly ever admit to being deceitful, and they are good at covering up the things they do with even more lies.

At first, you may even think you’re going crazy for accusing them of lies, but eventually, you will see the depth of their deception, and it will astound you. If you’re dating a pathological liar, there is a good chance that this person is also a psychopath.
7. They’re usually cheaters too

Most psychopaths find it extremely hard to be faithful, and when they cheat, they usually don’t care either. In fact, they will be unfaithful to one partner and also be unfaithful to the one they’re cheating with, which goes back to the boredom and impulsive aspect of their character.

There’s nothing wrong with you, never think that it’s just who they are. The sooner you realize the truth, the better. Their unfaithfulness may not only cost your feelings, but their promiscuity can also cost your life if they are having unsafe sex…which they probably will be.
8. Irresponsibility

The psychopath holds no responsibility for anything. They are the type of person who, when confronted, denies everything. No matter what they’ve done, even if it’s just leaving a towel on the floor, they will try and either deny it, blame it on someone else or justify how it was someone else’s fault that they left it there.


I’ve seen this behavior before and it’s both horrifying and strangely funny. If it wasn’t so sad, I would probably laugh and walk away. They can actually wipe their conscious away just so easily.
9. Arrogant

A psychopath is an arrogant person. After they initially sweep you off your feet, you will start to realize this arrogant attribute a little more every day. Eventually, they will be so arrogant that nothing can stand in their way. If you’re not careful, this will erode your self-esteem. You have to try and remain a strong and stable person to withstand their arrogance and survive the psychopath.
Dating a psychopath? You have choices to make…fast

If you are dating such a person, chances are, they will not change. I’m sorry. You see, it’s not just about generational teachings or the environment with this one. The psychopath really does have a different brain than the normal person, as I mentioned above.

Where you or I might have a physical and mental reaction to violence, the psychopath can remain calm. And yes, this fact can be terrifying. It’s the answer to so many of their personality traits like constant boredom, impulsive behavior, and cheating. There usually is no remorse.

I hate to say that there is no hope at all with the psychopath simply because I never like giving up on anyone, but you might seriously consider your future with someone like this. If you feel threatened at all, then leaving is a priority. Also, if you do leave, be careful because the psychopath doesn’t easily let go. Just a fair warning.

So, in a nutshell, and as always, check the signs, get support, and do what’s best for YOU.

I wish you well.
References
:
  1. https://research.unt.edu
  2. https://www.webmd.com
 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 09:17
Terça-feira, 03 / 12 / 19

4 Leadership Styles and Examples Where They Can Be Used

Jamie Logie.

December 2nd, 2019. 

leadership styles.

 
 

 
Are you effectively leading people or not using the right leadership styles when needed?
 
You can probably think back to certain leaders in your life and the leadership styles they used. An effective leader can manage people effortlessly without having to be overbearing or ruthless. The best leaders are the ones you don’t even notice leading but can motivate and improve everyone around them.
 
Leadership is the ability to get amazing achievements from ordinary people. If this is the leader you would like to be – in any area of life – it helps to learn different leadership styles. This article will look at 4 styles of leadership and examples for where to use them.
 
What Are Some Key Leadership Styles?
 
As a leader, your job is to get things done by leading others to success. This can be on the grand stage of the leader of a country, down to running a volunteer charity. Whatever type of influence you have, leadership is all about getting the best out of others to accomplish a goal or task.
 
Your leadership style will depend on a few variables, such as the team you are working with or specific people within that team. A good leader can recognize when a certain style is needed and will pick the right one depending on the specific end goal. There are many styles of leadership, but here are a few of the best to help accomplish this.
 
1. The Structural Leadership Style
 
This style of leadership is a very straightforward style. Everything is laid out in black in white. Everyone knows what needs doing, why it needs to be done, and when it needs to be done by. This style of leadership is one that places more importance on yourself, and it’s important to recognize this.
 
You are the one in charge of picking the people, assigning them to the various tasks, and managing them with the expectation they will produce great work. The main responsibility falls on your shoulders with this style as you are the one calling all the shots. You do not need any input from other people and what you say, goes.
 
You would use this leadership style when team members need to be rewarded or disciplined. You would also use this style when you have a team that is already motivated, full of experts, and needs little direction. You don’t want to use the structural leadership style all the time, as it can lead to team members feeling overwhelmed. This style works best in a crunch time scenario.
 
2. The Participative Style Of Leadership
 
This style is when you put your team first. When you’re leading people this way, it shows that you really care about them. When you lead this way, you build more bonds and friendships. There is a focus on spending time with the team members and showing that you care. The best way to use this style of leadership is to treat your team members the same way you would treat a family member.
 
There is no task-master mentality here, and the leadership is all about respect. This creates a feeling of belonging for the people you lead and you tend to get better results from them this way. They get more of a feeling of ownership with what they are working on as they feel more connected and valued. Decisions are made by consensus and members have more input, hence being called participative.
 
You would use the participative leadership style when you need new ideas and fresh perspectives. It is also good to use it during times of stress and when team members are feeling overwhelmed. They will feel heard and listened to, and it helps to build and maintain trust.
 
3. The Servant Style
 
The servant style is taking the participative style to the next level. With this style of leadership, you serve the role of serving your team. The easiest way to approach this style is to treat others how you want to be treated aka managing others the way you want to be managed.
 
You make sure that everyone understands their jobs fully and provide any needed tools. This style helps to bring out the peak performance of your team members. This style may be the most rewarding for them as they feel catered to and appreciated. They are listened to and their ideas matter.
 
An example of when to use the servant style is if you find yourself with a diverse team. This would be a team where you need to personalize your management for each member. You may also want to consider this leadership style if you are starting out somewhere new or with a new team. This will help you build trust, respect, and loyalty.
 
You may not want to use the servant style for too long, however, as it may lead to a lack of direction for the team. It also may lead to a lack of authority and your team ending up running the show.
 
4. The Freedom Style
 
This is a style of leadership that requires a lot of faith in your team. With this style, you give your team a task and then basically stay out of the way. You will chime in only when needed. Your role here is to point the team in the right direction and then leave it up to them.
 
You obviously need the utmost confidence in your team, but if you’ve led them well up to this point, they should be able to thrive. This style is not recommended if you are just starting out in leading people. You need a great track record showing your ability to get results out of people. You also need a lot of expertise and a highly skilled team that doesn’t need much supervision.
 
This is an approach taken by the Pixar company: give a mediocre idea to a strong team and they will find a way to make it great.
Final Thoughts
 
There isn’t one best leadership style, as these 4 different ones are valuable in their own way. The effective leader is not the one who just intimately knows different styles of leadership but knows when to use them at the right time. Whether you use the freedom, servant, participative, or structural leadership style, you ultimately will know how to get the very best out of people.
 
References:


  1. https://www.researchgate.net/
  2. http://article.sapub.org/
 

About the Author: Jamie Logie

 


 

Jamie Logie is a personal trainer, nutritionist, and health and wellness specialist. Jamie also studied sociology and psychology at Western University and has a counseling diploma from Heritage Baptist College. He has run a blog and top-rated podcast on iTunes called "Regained Wellness". Jamie is also a contributing writer for places like the Huffington Post, Thrive Global, LifeHack and has an Amazon #1 book called "Taking Back Your Health".

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

Archives:



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

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publicado por achama às 09:22
Sábado, 30 / 11 / 19

Why Being Vulnerable Is Not a Bad Thing and Can Actually Benefit You

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted November 29, 2019.

being vulnerable benefits.


 
 
If being vulnerable was popular, then many good things would happen. Why? Because everyone would have to be honest.
 
Woah! Now that was a doozie of a sentence, wasn’t it? I like this part, “everyone would have to be honest.” Can you imagine everyone being honest, and how many good and bad consequences would come from that one action?
 
Well, to be honest, being honest, at the end of the day, spells great achievements in life. Guess what, being vulnerable can help you become that honest person.
 
Being vulnerable is not easy
 
Okay, now let’s look at the roadblock you got up. Being in a vulnerable state is not easy. It means tearing down that wall, letting down that guard, and opening up wide to the world….well, at least to loved ones and friends. It’s hard to be vulnerable to some people because it feels weak and makes you feel out of control.
 
Society has taught us so many negative things like lying fixes problems, stealing gets you what you want, and being hard and tough saves your feelings. I wish I could heal the whole of society from this horrible misconception. But for now, let’s look at a few ways being vulnerable can benefit you as an individual.
 
How opening up is the best solution
 
1. Your self-worth increases
 
This might sound strange, but your self-esteem gets higher the more vulnerable you become. All that bragging and showing how tough you are behind your wall means nothing. What has true meaning is being able to share your feelings, including, shame.
 
Yes, it is okay to feel shame at times, just make sure it’s valid, and not something someone told you to feel. Vulnerability can make you realize that everyone has both strengths and weaknesses and this is what helps you realize your worth.
 
2. It helps you be present
 
Being in the moment, right now, and feeling the truth of what you feel is amazing. Better yet, sharing those feelings, despite the fear you may have is liberating.
 
Some people hold in their feelings because they’re afraid of losing people they love, but in the process, they cause intense stress within which affects the mind and body. Being present and being unafraid of what you’re feeling is one of the best mindsets around.
 
3. You can be happier
 
Not being vulnerable means we become numb to our true feelings. Did you know that? Yep, it means that resentment pent up inside, and that shame hides underneath those feelings of unhappiness. Well, just like the bad feelings hiding away, the good feelings are doing the same things.
 
You cannot possibly be truly happy unless you’re vulnerable. Without vulnerability, you are fake and anyone you try to love will be fake as well, at least most of the time. So, to be happy and find a truly happy person like you, stop holding all that good and bad inside.
 
4. Builds intimacy in relationships
 
Let me tell you, true intimacy does not reside outside of vulnerable states. But because of all the heartbreak and divorce, being vulnerable is probably the scariest action in relationships.
 
People are afraid. They are so afraid of being hurt, rejected or left, that they create a person that doesn’t even exist. Here again, you see them building walls and practicing false personalities.
 
They do engage in intimacy, but it feels held back, stiff, and uninvolved. It’s as if we keep so much of ourselves locked away during the intimate time. We rather pretend like intimate acts are no big deal and simply walk away from a potentially healthy relationship.
 
Being vulnerable will help you wade through the maybes and find the one who is truly right for you. Intimacy with the right person will be amazing.
 
5. Teaches compassion
 
If someone else is being vulnerable about something negative they have done, instead of getting angry straight off, you can have a bit of compassion. This is where being vulnerable comes in.
 
Being a person who can exhibit vulnerable attributes can help others who are being vulnerable because they can either relate, or they can help the other person put away shame. Then forgiveness can be attained, which is the true benefit here.
 
6. Helps innovation and connection
 
Vulnerability can also be a benefit in the workplace. So many people are afraid to speak up about new ideas or criticisms at work, especially in meetings or in the presence of the boss. But, if you can become courageous enough to voice your concerns, you’ve opened up a dialogue that makes coworkers tap into their vulnerability as well.
 
If you want to see coworkers making connections, then vulnerability is the key. Your ideas and concerns can also profit your workplace as well.
 
Being vulnerable is a strength, no doubt
 
If you think about all the good points of vulnerability, you will see the strength in using this attribute. Remember, everyone has a vulnerable side, but few of us are fearless enough to use it.
 
That’s the key right there. If we can take control of our fears, we can use our vulnerabilities, not to harm ourselves and others, but to help others come out of their shells as well.
 
I encourage you to open up and let go today. You can start small, practice your vulnerabilities and see what happens.
 
References:
 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 06:33
Quinta-feira, 21 / 11 / 19

6 Types of Loneliness and Different Causes of This Universal Feeling

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

November 20th, 2019.

 



 
Loneliness is something we’re all familiar with. It’s almost a compulsory part of the human experience. But, did you know that there are many different types and causes of loneliness? Loneliness isn’t just one blanket feeling, it can be brought on by all sorts of experiences, not just from being alone.
 
Knowing why you feel lonely is the key to resolving it. Finding out what type is causing your loneliness will allow you to start regaining what was lost.
 
6 Types of Loneliness
 
New Situation Loneliness
 
When you move to a new place, start a new job, or join a new school, you suddenly find yourself alone. When you haven’t made any real connections, you’re forced to spend most of your time in these new places without anyone by your side. This is a very lonely experience. Fortunately, we know deep down that this type of loneliness is temporary. It is part of the transition phase, from your past chapters to your new one.
 
This type of loneliness isn’t chronic or, hopefully, too insufferable. When you put yourself out there, the loneliness will fade away. It’s only a matter of time before you start to feel included, and surrounded by company, again.
Surrounded but Lonely
 
So many of us can relate to the feeling of being surrounded by people we love, and who love us and still feeling existential loneliness. Unlike in a new situation, this type of loneliness occurs when everything around us is familiar. We know the people and we know the places, but we just can’t fit in.
 
For example, you could be in a family full of academics. They love you deeply and you love them, but you’re not interested in their academia. You prefer art maybe, or music. In situations like this, you might feel lonely because you can’t join in on their conversations. You also crave company that shares your interests. The case is similar in groups with mixed religious beliefs.
 
When you have no one to relate to, it doesn’t really matter how surrounded by others you are. Loneliness can be an emotional experience, entirely unrelated to how physically alone, or not, you are.
 
Left Behind Loneliness
 
Everyone goes through phases in life. We all progress to new chapters and have new experiences, but we all do this at different speeds. While some of our friends might be settling down and moving on, we could be taking some stages a little slower. It’s totally okay to take life at your own pace, but it can mean that we often feel like we’ve been left behind.
 
When the people we usually rely on for company suddenly disappear to new jobs, new lives and new adventures, they have less time for us. This kind of loneliness could be literally applied when our friends become so busy that they genuinely can’t spend any time with you.
 
It could also be metaphorical, similar to the idea of being surrounded but still feeling alone. If your friends have started families or gotten “proper” jobs before you, then you’ll likely feel loneliness due to suddenly having less in common. This type of loneliness stems from feeling like everyone is too busy for you or that you’re not a priority anymore.
 
Missing Presence Loneliness
 
Have you ever lost someone who used to fill a space in your home? When they go, whether it’s through death or a break-up or just moving away, they leave behind a void. This type of loneliness differs from the rest because it doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter whether you have hundreds of other people who love you or none at all. When that one special person is missing, that’s all that matters.
 
We feel a kind of loneliness that is unaffected by the outside world when we’re rattling around alone in our homes. In some cases, people will even avoid going home, to prevent having to miss their presence. There’s a quiet companionship that comes with living with others, even animals, and when that’s taken away it leaves a hole.
 
Emotional Loneliness
 
Emotional loneliness presents itself when we have no one significant in our lives to share our emotions with. This differs from the other types of loneliness. You could have plenty of friends, but it’s a depth that’s missing. It appears when friendships are superficial or only surface level.
 
We aren’t longing for company; we’re just longing for connection. We all face difficulties and traumas, and we all deserve someone to share them with to help us heal.
 
We feel so lonely without this kind of deep connection. Sometimes the people in our lives just aren’t that emotionally committed to us. Some friends and family are enough to keep us happy and in good company but don’t have the time or depth to take on our emotional needs.
 
We feel a sense of loneliness because we aren’t able to really share ourselves. We’re alone in the sense that we can’t share, and that can be a very ostracizing experience.
 
Romantic Loneliness
 
Romantic loneliness is a common and probably the most relatable of all the types of loneliness. It exists independent of friendships and family company. As a part of human nature, we crave the company and intimacy of a romantic relationship. There is just another layer of companionship that friends can’t provide us, so we long for love.
 
Have you ever been the third wheel when hanging out with friends? These kinds of moments make us feel lonely, despite not being alone. We have a feeling of loneliness because we’re missing a portion of what life could offer. We’re missing that deep connection with another person.
 
Returning to an empty bed every night can be a lonely experience. Only a true romantic connection can relieve the intense feeling of loneliness which results from watching your friends settle down and cozy up without you.
 
Loneliness is a universally understood feeling. From children to the elderly, the rich and the poor, loneliness doesn’t discriminate. You’re never alone, though. There are so many different types of loneliness. No experience is the same, but no feeling is too exclusive either.
 
References:
 
 

Becky Storey


 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 16:12
Terça-feira, 05 / 11 / 19

How Myers-Briggs Compatibility Can Help You Find Your Perfect Match

By Valerie Soleil.

learning-mind.com.

Posted November 5th, 2019. 

 

 

 
 
Myers-Briggs compatibility is a revolutionary way of finding your perfect match. Devised from the Myers-Briggs self-report questionnaire, it is an introspective test. This test allows people to discover which personality category they fall under.
 
What Is the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator (MBTI)?
 
The 4 main trait categories are:
  1. Introversion/Extraversion
  2. Sensing/Intuition
  3. Thinking/Feeling
  4. Judging/Perception
 
The Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator is a way to understand a person’s identity. Each one is matched to create 16 different personality types. It is based on Carl Jung’s work on personality types. Therefore, knowing what Myers-Briggs types are can be used to assess their compatibility and thus find your perfect match.
 
“Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life” – Richard Bach
Myers-Briggs Personality Types and Their Compatibility
 
ENFP and INFJ
 
ENFP (extraverted, intuitive, feeling, perceptive). An individual with this personality type is open, talkative, and mostly dominant. They are the “inspirers”. In addition, they are very open-minded and enthusiastic.
 
ENFPs are passionate and talented. However, they are easily bored with normal day-to-day routines. As a result, they require a more flexible and fun lifestyle.
 
This Myers-Briggs personality type is the most compatible with INFJ (introverted, intuitive, feeling, judging). Known as “protectors”, INFJs are sensitive and highly intuitive.
 
Likewise, they strive for perfection. Due to this, they prefer to work alone rather than in teams. In the same fashion, they can also sometimes easily dismiss others’ opinions. This is due to thinking they’re always right.
 
In a relationship, ENFPs are extremely impulsive. By contrast, INFJs are there to bring out a more logical side to the relationship. The yin to one another’s yang, this couple is the ultimate balance.
ISFJ and ESTP
 
ISFJ (introverted, sensing feeling, judging). This personality type consists of someone who is extremely empathetic. Although this may be true, they rarely openly talk about their own struggles. They like to keep to themselves. In spite of this, they will always try and make other people around them happy.
 
The best compatibility match of this Myers-Briggs type is ESTPs (extraverted, sensing, thinking, perceiving). ESTP types are impulsive and known as “doers”. They seldom wait around for things to happen. Similarly, they are the go-getters of the relationship.
 
Consequently, in a relationship, ISFJ types like to bring order and organisation. On the contrary, ESTPs like to have fun and make quick and dynamic decisions. As a couple, they bring out the best in each other.
ISFP and ESTJ
 
ISFP (introverted, sensing, feeling, perceptive). Known as the “artist”, ISFP’s are creativity personified. Their love of beauty and aesthetics makes the world a wonderful place. However, they place great importance on emotions and are extremely sensitive.
 
This type is suited to ESTJ (extraverted, sensing, thinking, judging). ESTJ types are hard-working and logical. As a result, they can bring ISFPs back down to earth. They have no time for emotions and take the role of the “guardian”.
 
These two in a couple allow the creativity to flow whilst making extremely good decisions together. This will ultimately benefit each other and the relationship.
ISTP and ESFJ
 
ISTP (introverted, sensing, thinking, perceptive). The “mechanic”. They are logical and extremely perceptive. But, they have a spontaneous side to them making them fun in relationships. They may seem quiet and sometimes unemotional, but they are far from it. ISTPs are thrill-seekers. In fact, they love anything adrenaline-related.
 
Matched with the fellow ESFJ (extraverted, sensing, feeling, judging), these two make the perfect pair. ESFJ individuals are full of fun and love. Referred to as the “caregiver”, they are generous in love and friendships.
 
ESFJs help bring ISTPs out of their shell with their warm personality and trustworthiness. Together they are fun and enthusiastic. Actually, they make the most out of everything.
 
ISTJ and ESFP
 
ISTJ (introverted, sensing, thinking, judging). The “duty-fillers”. Fiercely loyal and dependable. This type is serious and standoffish. They are focused and determined. However, they hate confrontation. In a relationship, they are completely faithful with the utmost respect.
 
As such, they match with ESFP (extraverted, sensing, feeling, perceptive) personality types. This type of person is fun, dynamic and hilarious. They are the ‘entertainers’ of all the personalities. They just radiate positive energy. Filled with creativity and artistic traits, they help bring the ISTJ partner out of their shell.
 
Together this duo encompasses the definition of opposites attract. Above all, they will have a dynamic relationship.
INFP and ENFJ
 
INFP (introvert, intuitive, feeling, perceptive). They are idealists and believe the world is exactly how they imagine it. They have deep emotional reactions and completely avoid conflict. The happiness of others is extremely important to them. So much so that they go to great lengths to ensure it.
 
As a result, they are matched with ENFJ (extraverted, intuitive, feeling, judging) personality types. INFPs are sometimes too busy wondering if everyone else is okay that they forget about themselves. ENFJ partners are loving and dedicated entirely to their partner. They are the “givers”.
 
Skilled communicators and extremely charismatic. They are able to complement each other wonderfully. Where one is lacking, the other is quick to compensate.
INTJ and ENTP
 
INTJ (introvert, intuitive, thinking, judging). This individual is a strategist and extremely logical. Known as the scientist, they are experts in a wide range of fields. Likewise, they are perfectionists. Because of this, they ensure that all projects or tasks they complete are up to their standards.
 
 
In a relationship, INTJs are usually awkward and difficult to come out of their shell. However, they take commitment very seriously. In fact, they frequently attempt to make the relationship better.
 
They are matched with ENTP (extraverted, intuitive, thinking, perceptive) who are focused on personal growth. They are visionaries who also excel in academic subjects. However, they are sometimes argumentative and easy to debate.
 
Together, this couple makes an intelligent and knowledgeable pair. To illustrate, they are constantly experiencing new adventures and advancing their relationship.
INTP and ENTJ
 
INTP (introvert, intuitive, thinking, perceptive). Referred to as the “thinker”. They are curious and deeply analytical. Yet, they are not the biggest social interactors.
 
Indeed, they much prefer to watch others. In fact, relationships can be difficult for this individual. As a matter of fact, they need someone to bring them out of their shell.
 
On the other hand, ENTJs (extraverted, intuitive, thinking, judging) are outgoing. An ENTJ individual is a go-getter with a mostly successful career. They tend to go into sales office careers. They are good planners and are assertive.
 
As a couple, these Myers-Briggs types pair are together for the long-haul. Neither gets into relationships with no thought. Furthermore, both types invest a huge lot in order to ensure it is a successful relationship.
Similarities and Differences of Myers-Briggs Personality Types
 
One of the main aspects of psychological compatibility is based on some similarity in Myers-Briggs personality types. At the same time, however, it also ensures there are differences.
 
Couples are more likely to feel satisfied knowing that they are with a partner similar to themselves (Buunk & Bosman, 1986). Moreover, individuals can feel as if they can make more informed decisions with their partners due to them having similar goals.
 
However, the above-described pairs of the most compatible Myers-Briggs types point out that differences are also needed. In fact, differences bring balance to the union. They make it more dynamic (Dryer & Horowitz, 1997).
 
Overall, the Myers-Briggs compatibility formula may be extremely useful as a template. However, it does not account for the random factors which can affect your journey to love along the way.
Final Thoughts
 
There is no secret to a perfect relationship. Just some love, a sprinkle of respect, and a whole lot of communication will take you a long way.
 
References:
  1. www.verywellmind.com
  2. www.sciencedirect.com
  3. www.researchgate.net
 
 
Valerie Soleil
 



 
About the Author: Valerie Soleil


Valerie Soleil is a writer with over 5 years of experience and holds a bachelor degree in law and a B.A. in Psychology. She is a physical & mental health enthusiast who constantly expands her knowledge about the mysteries of the human body and mind. Some of the activities Valerie is particularly passionate about are traveling and reading because they help her broaden her horizons.
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 



 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 23:26
Terça-feira, 05 / 11 / 19

What Are Soul Contracts and What Do They Mean for Our Life Purpose?

Chiara Torelli.

learning-mind.com

on November 5th, 2019.

 
life contracts meaning.

 
 
In many belief systems, we are not human beings having spiritual experiences, but rather spiritual beings having human experiences. Before beginning our human lives, our souls created arrangements with other spiritual beings. This is to help us reach higher cognisance on the earthly plane. These are called Soul Contracts, or Soul Arrangements.
 
What Are Soul Contracts?
 
As we journey on in our life paths, particular people and relationships impact us more deeply than others. There are people we connect with on an impossibly deep level. The relationships that show us new sides of ourselves. Certain people challenge us to adapt to unique circumstances. As well as relationships that force us to re-evaluate our behaviours.
 
These people and relationships profoundly transform us. They raise our awareness and consciousness, bringing us closer to Unconditional Love and Light. They are the people, the souls, which we chose to enter into a relationship with before we were even born. These are the souls we opened a Soul Contract with.
 
The Purpose of Soul Contracts
 
The purpose of Soul Contracts is to help us achieve our Destiny. Our destiny is to experience the Unconditional Love of the Universe. Therefore, through our contracts, we are pre-destined to meet certain people. We engage in individual connections, whether they be family, friends, colleagues or lovers.
 
Each relationship functions as a lesson. As a result, we are moving closer to Love and Light. Actually, every one of them was chosen by our soul in a pre-incarnation agreement.
 
Although this may be true, predestination doesn’t prohibit free will. In fact, the power to choose is an essential condition of the human experience. We always have the option of whether or not to engage with these lessons.
 
However, will we notice relationships that unfold in the same way or failing to elevate us? Do we try to see the lessons in them and move forward? Or do we choose to repeat the same cycles endlessly?
Who do we enter into soul contracts with?
 
Soulmates, or twin flames, are a crucial part of the Soul Contract system. They usually exist in the context of romantic or sexual love.
 
Consequently, this relationship exceeds most others in terms of intimacy and depth of connection. These are often the most challenging and powerful contracts we make with other souls. This is due to the intense exchange of energies that takes place.
 
Whether Soulmate relationships are short- or long-term, we gain something from them. As a result, we can reach a higher level of sentience. In addition, we evolve with new perspectives on ourselves and the world.
 
The Soul Contracts we make outside of romantic or sexual relationships are no less significant or essential. In fact, these are often the longest lasting and most impactful contracts we open. Usually, you have a Soul Contract with your close family members and intense or long-term friends.
 
The Function of a Soul Contract
 
Their function is to challenge our preconceptions. To make us work through hardships and trials within the perspective of Love. When we fail to see the purpose of the relationship and don’t work from Love, we will repeat negative associations until the lessons become clear to us.
 
If we have a negative relationship with a family member or were hurt by a close friend, it can be challenging to accept that our soul entered into a contract with them. Especially if relationships have been abusive or extreme. But our soul’s purpose is always to further our spiritual growth.
 
You will have gained something in the process of the relationship. Hopefully, an understanding of your strength and perseverance. Not to mention, your worth and value. But also your triggers and reactions, of your cyclical behaviours and thought patterns.
 
This will prevent you from entering into similar relationships again. As such, it will leave you strengthened. In the long term, you will be ready for positive associations that will elevate you.
 
The Soul Family
 
Often we have a Soul Family, a group of souls which we repeatedly re-incarnate with and enter into contracts with. These might be the people you feel you’ve known forever even though you’ve only met them once. They can be family members you feel especially close to or friends that fit like a glove.
 
Know that each of you is working for the betterment of the others. So you are all helping each other reach a higher level of consciousness and experience the Unconditional Love of the Universe.
 
 
Soul Contracts can bring healing, Enlightenment and Unconditional Love if we are willing to listen and learn. Still, it’s essential to have compassion for ourselves in those times that we weren’t in the space to receive the lessons. We are there now, and our Soul knows what we need.
 
How does all this impact my relationships?
 
Soul Contracts are entered into in the hope of connecting you with the Divine. This means every relationship has the potential to literally be life-changing. That’s if we can experience it within the perspective of Love.
 
What does this mean for those relationships? Every Soul Contract, even the ones which seem negative or harmful on the surface, is an opportunity to learn. We see how we better engage with ourselves and others.
 
Every relationship, therefore, becomes meaningful. Each and every one of them has the potential to be a transformative learning experience.
 
Final Thoughts
 
Enter into existing or new relationships with this knowledge in mind. Understand that everything about that relationship is really working for your spiritual betterment. If you can identify how you are one step closer to Enlightenment.
 
References:
 
Chiara Torelli
 




About the Author: Chiara Torelli
Chiara Torelli is an English Teacher, professional writer and traveller with a passion for people, spiritual well-being and self-improvement. Having lived in seven countries so far and visited over 20, she intends to continue her study of the world, helping to educate people about communication, mental health, and Light as she goes. In her free time, she enjoys reading, writing, drawing and watching documentaries.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 22:33
Terça-feira, 05 / 11 / 19

How to Deal with Toxic People the Way Intelligent People Do

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted November 4th, 2019.

 
HOW TO DEAL WITH TOXIC PEOPLE.

 

 
Life comes with its ups and downs and navigating our way through these is not always easy. One of the key factors which can affect our well-being and sense of self-worth is having a toxic person in our lives. But what exactly is a toxic person? More to the point, what should you do if you have one in your life? In this post, we explore how to deal with toxic people in a smart way.
 
Who Are Toxic People?
 
Anyone can be moody or alter their behavior due to circumstances going on in their life. However, a toxic person is one of the following:
 
 
Unfortunately, it is likely that you will have come across such a person either in your personal or professional life (or both).
 
Knowing how to deal with toxic people can go a long way in managing these relationships in your life. In this post, we take a look at some techniques used by emotionally intelligent people when faced with toxic people. You can draw on these techniques the next time you encounter a toxic person.
 
How Smart People Deal with Toxic People
 
Do not justify their behavior
 
The behavior of a toxic person towards yourself is unjustifiable. However, it can be easy to make excuses for someone. Especially if perhaps they are going through some hardship in their life.
 
We can all relate to a certain level of moodiness or snappiness. Still, if someone is being actively nasty to you this is unacceptable. Excusing a toxic person’s behavior only causes you to doubt yourself. Moreover, it is likely to have a detrimental effect on your well-being.
 
Distance yourself from that person
 
A person who takes pleasure from making you feel bad is not a person that deserves your time and attention. Ask yourself, does this ring true for any of your personal relationships? If so, then it might be time to distance yourself from this toxic person. Understandably, this is easier said than done.
 
At the same time, think about the effect this person is having on your well-being. To say nothing of how you would feel if you no longer had to deal with their behavior towards you.
 
Ultimately, there are different ways to deal with a toxic person. For certain people, the right decision may be to cut them out altogether. This is if circumstances allow it and the time is right for you.
 
Establish boundaries
 
For others, cutting a toxic person out of their life is not a realistic solution. In this instance, establishing some boundaries might be the way forward. Make the toxic person aware of the impact of their actions and behavior. While this is no easy task, it may help them to realize that you are no pushover.
 
 
Establishing boundaries is also about putting yourself in control. You decide when and where you will encounter the person. You can ensure there is a time limit on these occasions. This will help you to prepare mentally for this meeting and put you in the driving seat.
 
Plan your reaction
 
This brings us to the next method of dealing with toxic people. Once you have established boundaries, you will be able to prepare how you will react for whatever the person in question has to throw at you.
 
If you know that they are partial to criticize you for a particular aspect of your life, or they have a particular method of upsetting you then prepare how you will respond to this in advance.
 
Whether it be practising relaxation techniques or preparing your response word for word, it will put you in better control of the situation.
 
Get support
 
Perhaps the most important piece of advice when it comes to dealing with some really toxic people is to get support from those who are positive forces in your life. Whether it be at work or in your personal life.
 
Identifying those individuals that bring you strength will help to build your barriers up against the person who is challenging you with their toxicity.
 
Not only this, it is helpful to draw on support around you to get a different perspective on the issue. Here you can gain useful advice and insights to help you deal with those toxic people in your life.
 
Value yourself
 
Finally, another important way to deal with toxic people is to recognize your own value. Through acknowledging your own self-worth and owning it you can build your resistance to whatever toxicity is thrown at you.
 
Taking their comments and insults with a grain of salt will reduce the impact that a toxic person has on you. Allowing you to elevate your inner worth above anything that they have to say.
 
Final Thoughts
 
Learning how to deal with toxic people is, unfortunately, a skill that we can all benefit from. Recognizing those that bring toxicity to our lives and putting measures in place to reduce the negative impact that has on us is essential for our well-being.
 
Make sure you are aware of the toxic people around you. More importantly, seek professional support immediately for any behavior that goes beyond toxicity to abuse.
 
References:
 
 
Lottie Miles
 





 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 00:28
Domingo, 03 / 11 / 19

Why Do Psychopath Traits in Males Seem So Attractive to Women?

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

November 3rd, 2019.

 
psychopath traits in males.
 
 


 
 
We all love a bad boy, right? They are the exciting, unpredictable, alluring and mysterious men that we find attractive. I mean, who wants a cardigan and slippers guy when you can be swept off your feet by a charming seducer? But hang on a minute, what’s so wrong with a lovely, caring man? Someone who will cherish and protect you? A man who puts your needs first and above their own? Why is that considered boring to some women? Why do we find psychopath traits in males so alluring?
 
Origins of Psychopath Traits in Males
 
Bad Boys in Films
 
Hollywood has played on the bad boy image for decades. Actually, you only have to think back to Clark Cable in ‘Gone with the Wind‘, James Dean in ‘Rebel Without a Cause‘ and Marlon Brando in ‘A Streetcar Named Desire‘.
 
Fast forward to today and our modern-day equivalents include Mads Mikkelsen as Hannibal Lecter, Tom Hiddleston as Loki or Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman. Or in fact, anyone playing James Bond.
 
Similarly, actors with a bad boy image are equally as interesting. Oliver Reed, Robert Downey Jr, Colin Farrell, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Johnny Depp, and Mark Wahlberg. So what is it about these dark traits that women find attractive?
 
First Contact
 
Psychopaths are charming, persuasive and manipulative. Therefore, we are charmed when we first meet one. Likewise, psychopaths make us feel special. Their attention is excessive. We bathe in their spotlight. These exciting individuals have chosen us mere mortals to shine their attention on. We are the chosen ones and feel special.
 
Then they withdraw. They disappear for days. We have lost this contact. Then this special feeling turns into despair, longing, and withdrawal. And this where it gets interesting. It is this withdrawal that keeps us hooked, literally and psychologically.
 
The continual giving and withdrawing attention is what attracts us. In fact, it strengthens our feelings and makes males with psychopath traits seem even more attractive.
Studies Reveal Why We Find Males with Psychopath Traits Attractive
 
If you are one of the people thinking this is ridiculous, it might help to think of how the brain copes with withdrawal. It’s all to do with dopamine and the pleasure centre in the brain.
 
Dopamine and Withdrawal
 
When we engage in positive experiences, dopamine floods into our brain. Dopamine is the happy hormone. It is released whenever we eat delicious food, have great sex, receive amazing compliments, or get positive attention.
 
If these experiences are repeated and reinforced, this neurotransmitter then makes connections. It creates reward circuits. These circuits make automatic associations in our brains. They instantly flare up when we anticipate a particular behaviour or person.
 
However, studies have shown that dopamine works best when the reinforcements are intermittent. When the experiences are constant, the dopamine does not flow as well. This is the ‘frustration-attraction’ dilemma. It means that obstacles in the relationship are actually fuelling the attraction.
 
As a result, our brains are programmed to find men with psychopath traits attractive. Simply because their behaviour is unpredictable.
 
“The point about bad boys is that they’re not all bad. When they’re charming, they’re very, very charming. Their goodness becomes an addiction.” Virginia Ironside, The Independent Agony Aunt
 
Psychopaths are not capable of focusing their attention on others. By their very nature, their narcissism and self-centredness won’t allow them to put others first. They are masters of frustration-attraction.
  • Psychopath Traits in Males Include:
  • Lack of empathy
  • Selfishness
  • Narcissism
  • Self-centred
  • Impulsive
  • Risky behaviour
  • Parasitic
  • Insincerity
  • Duplicity
 
Consequently, we are left, much like a drug addict, searching for our next hit. We are desperate for time with our toxic partner. This is because our brain has made an association with the unsuitable partner.
 
When we think about them, we get a pang of withdrawal. We need our dopamine rush. This keeps us invested in the relationship. Whether it is good for us or not.
 
Sexual Attraction
 
 
In another study, 128 female undergraduates were given two descriptions of male characters; men with Dark Triads and a control. The study included high psychopath traits in males taken from the Psychopathy Scale III, the Narcissistic Personality Inventory and the Mach-IV.
 
 
High Psychopath Male Traits include:
  • Manipulation
  • Deceit
  • Lack of remorse
  • Desire for attention
  • No morality
  • Charming others
  • Cynicism
  • Need for prestige
 
The traits in the study did not include the dark psychopath traits in males.
 
Participants had to rate the attractiveness on a scale of 1-6. The results showed that the females found dark traits more attractive than the control. But why?
Sexual Selection
 
The first reason is sexual selection. Researchers believe that the higher psychopath dark traits in males indicate a ‘masculine quality‘ unique to male sexuality. For example, traits like confidence, risk-taking and charm. These are all associated with sexual prowess.
 
In fact, these particular dark traits are linked to increased sexual activity and success in males. There is a connection between one-night stands and this type of male.
 
Sexual Conflict
 
The second reason is sexual conflict. Women find men who can sell themselves especially attractive. These are the charmers and the manipulators. The ones that can keep you hooked over time. These types don’t necessarily score highly when it comes to sexual prowess. However, they do manage to maintain multiple partners.
 
Final Thoughts
 
Males with psychopath traits might attract us in the first instance. However, studies do show that women find altruistic males more attractive in the long term. So while you might be instantly drawn to that bad boy, the chances are you will end up marrying the good guy.
 
 
Janey Davies



About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

Archives:



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 20:32
Domingo, 03 / 11 / 19

The Difference between Objective and Subjective Truth and the Illusion We All Believe

Francesca Forsythe.

https://www.learning-mind.com

October 30th, 2019.

 



 
How do we know whether our truths are the real truths, or is the truth simply an illusion?
 
What Is the Difference Between Objective and Subjective Truth?
 
Truth is a continuous concept in all places, all situations and at all times. However, what one person believes to be the truth may not be agreed on by someone else. On the other hand, there are other truths, which everyone believes to be true.
 
For example, I doubt you would disagree with me that the year has 365 days, or that the internet exists. How else would you be reading this article? This gives us two different species of truth: objective and subjective truth.
 
However, there is a famous saying that in any situation, there are three truths: your truth, my truth, and the real truth. This saying exemplifies what we are talking about when we ask the question of what the difference between objective and subjective truth is.
 
So, let us explore these different kinds of truth and the illusions they can lead us to believe.
 
What Is the Objective Truth?
 
Objective truth is something that is true for all people, no matter what their culture or religious beliefs. These truths are fundamental truths. I don’t need to tell you the exact temperature of fire to tell you that fire is hot. In the same way, I don’t need to tell you that you need food to survive.
 
Objective truths are, therefore, recognized by all people, whether or not they realize they are recognizing it.
What Is the Subjective Truth?
 
Subjective truth is similarly based on a person’s beliefs but not all people may agree with it. This kind of truth is present in things like religion. One person may believe that the existence of God is the truth, where another person may not.
 
People also form their own judgments of the truth of a situation based on the information they have. However, this judgment may change should this person receive some new information.
 
For example, I may believe that my friend has not invited me to their party and be mad at them. Yet, when I find out that they simply forgot to send the invitation, I am no longer mad at them as it was a simple mistake.
 
Subjective truth is, therefore, my truth.
 
How Do Objective and Subjective Truths Interact?
 
  • Situations such as this exemplify the saying that there are three versions of the truth. When having a conversation with a friend, they may take something I say the wrong way.
  • My version of the truth containing the meaning of what I said (subjective truth).
  • My friend’s version of the truth that I meant it differently (subjective truth).
  • The third version of the truth is inclusive of what I said, how it was meant, but also the way in which I said it which led to my friend’s misinterpretation. This third version of the truth is the objective truth.
 
The more information I have about a situation or the facts relevant to it bring me closer to the objective truth. Until I know everything there is to know about a situation, I cannot say I know the objective truth about it.
 
Therefore, the only objective truths we really have are those fundamental truths on which everyone can agree at all times, which do not require further inquiry.
 
The Illusion of Truth
 
The truth is important to us because we never want to be wrong about something. However, the downside of this is that we are constantly looking for truth. This can lead us to a truth fallacy, where we believe something to be true which really isn’t.
 
Repetition Is Truth
 
Our brains are susceptible to believing something to be true if we hear it several times. Many people believe that the Great Wall of China is visible from space because they’ve heard it so many times. However, this is not true.
 
Other examples of this are that bulls hate the color red, or that we only have five senses. Neither of these is true, but we have heard them so many times that we believe them to be.
 
 
Scientists have regularly found that subjects are much more likely to believe something to be true if they hear it repeatedly. This repetition gives us cognitive ease which plays an important role in daily life. It allows us to feel more secure in what we know and in our interactions with the world.
 
It is important to understand how the illusion of truth works. By understanding this phenomenon, it allows us to be more critical of the ‘facts’ we hear constantly. With this critical thinking comes the power to seek out actual truths and get closer to the objective truths of the world.
 
The world is a complex, sometimes confusing place to live. The constant changing manner of science and nature makes it almost impossible to know the objective truth of our circumstances. Subjective truth allows us to maintain a level of security, but it is not infallible.
 
Final Thoughts
 
The only truth which can be really trusted is objective truths, but these take a lot of work to find. We are constantly learning, and the pursuit of knowledge is vital to understand the line between what we believe to be true and what is fundamentally true.
 
References:
 
 
 



 

About the Author: Francesca Forsythe

Francesca is a freelance writer currently studying a degree in Law and Philosophy. She has written for several blogs in a range of subjects across Lifestyle, Relationships and Health and Fitness. Her main pursuits are learning new innovative ways of keeping fit and healthy, as well as broadening her knowledge in as many areas as possible in order to achieve success.
 
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 

 
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 


All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 
 

 
 
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
 
 
 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 01:47
Sábado, 13 / 07 / 19

Naikan Reflection: How This Japanese Technique Transforms Your Relationships ~ Francesca F.

Naikan Reflection: 

How This Japanese Technique Transforms Your Relationships.

By Francesca F.

July 12th, 2019

 
 

 

Naikan Reflection helps us to better understand ourselves and others in our various relationships.
Relationships are complicated, and it is always easier to focus on the bad parts than the good. Naikan Reflection is a form of genuine self-reflection which aims to help us understand our relationships better.

By understanding the bigger picture, we can see the nuances of a relationship. Most significantly, you may find yourself recognizing cycles of negative behavior, or having a greater respect for what others do for you.

What Is Naikan Reflection?

Naikan Reflection is a structured method of self-reflection which helps us to get a more realistic sense of our relationships with others. It was developed by Japanese businessman and devoted Jodo Shinshu Buddhist, Yoshimoto Ishin.

Those who practice it claim that it helps them to understand themselves and others with who they have relationships.
The Three Questions of Naikan Reflection

Naikan Reflection is based on three key questionswhich help us to reflect on our relationships with others, from friends to family, co-workers to acquaintances.
  1. What have I received from…?
  2. What have I given to…?
  3. What troubles and difficulties have I caused…?
There is a logical fourth question in this series which is ‘What troubles and difficulties have… caused me?’ This question was purposefully ignored because of the belief that this question is responsible for too much misery in daily life.
One of the most important aspects of Naikan Reflection is that it assumes we are all naturally good at seeing an answer to this fourth question. In contrast, true knowledge comes from a little introspection.

Three Different Methods to Practice Naikan Reflection

The general method of practicing Naikan Reflection is to answer these questions in detail.
  • Examine first what you have received from others.
There are times we receive things from others without understanding the sacrifices they made or the thought they gave it. Take the time to understand this and to whom you should be grateful.
  • Next, consider what you have given to others.
We are all susceptible to self-criticism. Taking the time to understand how you are capable of helping others can change our perception of ourselves.
As a result, this is a valuable tool because it helps to boost self-esteem and change our mindset. When we see the good in what we have done without making a conscious effort, we can see the good we are capable of in the future.
  • The final question is not the easiest to answer.
We never like to point fingers at ourselves; doing so can be difficult. Yet, we must understand the hardships we have caused others to truly be introspective. When we see what difficulties we have caused others, we can begin to understand and even repair those relationships.
There are three main ways Naikan Reflection can be practiced, so you can find the right method for you.

Daily Naikan (Nichijo Naikan)

Daily Naikan Reflection takes only 20 to 30 minutes before falling asleep. Sit in a quiet place and minimize distractions. Consider the three questions of Naikan and answer them in relation to the events of the day.
Try to be as specific as you can rather than generalize about ‘receiving food’ or ‘gave assistance.’ It may seem trivial, but it is important to recognize what you should be grateful for and what you offer others.
This method is the simplest. It also keeps the self-reflection we do present in our daily lives.

Naikan Reflection on a Person

Naikan Reflection can be done in reference to a specific person. This method takes a little longer because it focuses on the entire relationship, beginning to end. Start with how you met, and slowly work your way through the ups and downs of the relationship chronologically.
Naikan Reflection on a person gives us greater insight and respect for a particular person. You may focus on a few weeks, or a few years, giving yourself a detailed account of hard times with the gift of hindsight.
You will be able to see how the relationship has strengthened or may be weakened. However, you will be able to see the situation as a whole.

A Naikan Retreat (Schuchu Naikan)

Naikan Retreats can be a scheduled event, or it can be something you venture to do alone. Taking yourself away for a set amount of time to a quiet and secluded place can be mind-opening.
Venture to a peaceful and private spot and give yourself nothing to do but reflect. View your life chronologically and assess all of your relationships in turn.
This is the most intense version of self-reflection and it can take some time to work up to this. However, those who take part in such retreats have profound and life-changing experiences. What is important is that you are sincere and committed to the experience.

Why self-reflection is important

Self-reflection is deeply entrenched in many of the world’s spiritual cultures. There are many different methods of self-reflection which can help open your mind to all that life is.
Naikan Reflection is simply one of many of these methods, but it helps us to form closer bonds through the understanding of our relationships.
Most importantly, practicing this reflection helps us to recognize the importance of others and the positive impact we can have in the lives of others.
References:
  1. https://minds.wisconsin.edu
  2. https://oxfordre.com

 

 

  1.  

 

 

 

 

About the Author: Francesca F.

Francesca is a freelance writer currently studying a degree in Law and Philosophy. She has written for several blogs in a range of subjects across Lifestyle, Relationships and Health and Fitness. Her main pursuits are learning new innovative ways of keeping fit and healthy, as well as broadening her knowledge in as many areas as possible in order to achieve success.
 
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 

 
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
 
 

 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 22:44
Segunda-feira, 08 / 07 / 19

Dreaming about an Ex: 6 Meanings That Might Surprise You. ~ Janey Davies.

Dreaming about an Ex: 

6 Meanings That Might Surprise You.

By Janey Davies.

July 6th, 2019.

 
 

 



 

Dreaming about an ex can be unsettling, particularly for those in abusive relationships. But can they offer insight into our daily lives?
You might wonder how a dream about an ex-partner can shed light on what’s happening in our day-to-day life. For example, what does it mean for those who are in happy relationships? On the other hand, what about people that are single? How is dreaming about a past ex-partner relevant to our present?
Well, you could argue that we all made up of our past experiences. The things that happened to us when we were younger have shaped us into the people we are today. But clearly, if we are dreaming about an ex-partner, then something is not quite right. But what exactly?

Why do we dream?

Freud believed that dreams are a window into the subconscious mindHe argued that we all have hidden desires, wishes and thoughts that we feel ashamed to voice out loud. As a result, we bury all these hidden desires and they fester in the subconscious. Dreams allow us to process these desires in a healthy manner.
Every dream is unique to us. It is packed full of our own experiences and emotions. Each dream contains symbols and clues that give us hints as to what our subconscious mind is trying to tell us.
There are some would argue that the fact we are dreaming about an ex is irrelevant. However, our subconscious mind has chosen an ex-partner because it believes this is the perfect way to tell us about a particular problem that needs attention.
So, what can we learn about dreams that feature an ex-partner?

Dreaming about an Ex: 6 Meanings and Interpretations

 

1. Unresolved issues

 
I often dream about a certain ex-partner and I believe this is because of unresolved issues between myself and my ex. We were together for ten years and broke up over 18 years ago. However, of all my ex-partners, he is the one I dream about the most.
He was a very controlling person who was jealous all the time. I was a flirtatious person who was probably not the best match for him. The relationship ended very badly.
When I’m dreaming about my ex, I am living in his house and he is not there, but I know he will come back at any time. I think this represents the fear and anxiety I used to feel in our relationship when he would look around for things I had done wrong so he could punish me.
If you are dreaming about your ex, consider whether you have unresolved issues as well. Was the break-up difficult? Do you feel cheated because you didn’t get your share of the house or other possessions?

2. Symbolic of other problems

 
Dreams are symbolic. Many people worry that because they have dreamt of an ex they subconsciously want them back, but that’s not the case. Exes are exes for a reason. Whether it was your decision to break up or not.
Think about why the relationship ended. Was it you that finished it and why? Do you regret it? What could you have done differently if you do regret it?
Even if you didn’t end it, think about how you can prevent the same thing from happening in the future. If your dream about your ex is recurring, then understanding why your relationship ended and what you can do in the future may put a stop to these ongoing dreams.

3. You are missing a part of your life with the ex

 
Our partners are so much more than that person. They are a lifestyle, a circle of friends, an extended family, even an income bracket.
When I split up with my ex, I found out very quickly that surviving on a civil servant salary was a huge change compared to a joint income with my ex. I went from living in a four-bedroomed house in a lovely little village to renting one room in a shared house in the city centre.
Now, my situation is different and I’m very happy, and yet I still dream of my ex. Perhaps I am resentful that he still owns that lovely house in the village? I hope not. But it’s something to be aware of.
Remember, dreaming about an ex doesn’t mean you are missing your ex, it could be the house you lived in, the area, the mutual friends you had, or all the things you did together.

4. Your ex represents a part of you

 
There is a theory that your ex represents a part of you that you might be neglecting. For example, if your ex-partner was particularly loving and you are in a relationship at present, consider your behaviour with your current partner.
Are you being as warm and as caring as you should be? Could your dream about your ex be a wake-up call about your current relationship?
The best way to analyse this dream is to look at your ex-partner’s best or worst qualities and see whether you are either replicating them or you need to pay attention to the ones you are lacking.

4. A chance to forgive

 
In life, we don’t always get the opportunity for closure. People can walk away without giving explanations about their behaviour. Or, they can act inappropriately without facing the consequences.
It can leave us with unfinished business. We can’t move on. However, our dreams allow us to process these unresolved issues.
In our dreams, it doesn’t matter whether your ex feels sorry for causing you upset and pain. You have the to power to forgive and make peace with the situation.
In fact, if you keep having dreams about your ex, forgiving them while you are awake might stop you dreaming about them when you’re asleep. Only then will you be able to move on.

6. There is something lacking in your current partner

 
If the dream about your ex was your first love and you are in a relationship, this is a sign that you feel something is missing in your current relationship.
Our first love reminds us of passion, our youth, and the excitement of being in love for the first time. Therefore, if you are dreaming of your first ex-partner, it is your subconscious nudging you to regain these feelings with your present partner.
Dreaming about an ex has all kinds of meanings and interpretations. The main point to remember is that it doesn’t have to mean you still have feelings for an ex-partner.
If you keep dreaming about an ex, it’s more likely that your subconscious is using this to tell you about an issue that needs resolving right now.
References:
  1. www.bustle.com
  2. www.thecut.com
 
 

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

About the Author: Janey Davies.

Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 



Archives:


 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


More @ http://violetflame.biz.ly and 
https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/




 

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publicado por achama às 05:35
Domingo, 30 / 06 / 19

6 Types of a Verbally Abusive Relationship People Don’t Realize Are Toxic ~ Sherrie Hurd.

6 Types of a Verbally Abusive Relationship People Don’t Realize Are Toxic.

By Sherrie Hurd.

Posted June 29, 2019 by Edward Morgan

 
 
 



There are so many forms of abuse, and the verbally abusive relationship is one of the most damaging situations. Words truly hurt.

Sometimes, I sit around and think about negative words from the past, but I try not to dwell too long there. It can be even more damaging to present situations, good or bad. I was in a verbally abusive relationship, among other things, and it almost killed me.
Here’s the thing, there were times that I tried to convince myself that I was the problem, and this is the largest contributor to my degrading health. Instead of being strong and getting away from a bad situation, I crumbled. I don’t want this to happen to anyone.

Recognize the toxicity

It’s sometimes hard to see the abuse from the inside. But if we take a step back and examine the big picture, we will see these negative and hurtful words as extremely abusive. If you’re in this situation, I know you need a little help.
So, let me explain a few verbally abusive type relationships that you may not recognize. I just want to give you a heads up, so you can avoid much of the damage that I endured.

1. Manipulative relationships

One of the first signs of a verbally abusive and toxic relationship is manipulation. This type of abuse can come in either actions or words, depending on the particular issue in the relationship. For instance, threats to leave a person, if they do not do as they are told, is definitely a manipulative move.
Control is a form of manipulation and control can easily be conveyed through words, even seemingly calm soothing words. In this case, it’s not only about how the thing is said but the placement of words in the statement.
Love, devotion, and commitment can be used just as negatively as harmful words and can be spoken calmly as well. But the placement of these words lets you know the true intention of the speaker.

2. Gaslighting relationships

I hate this one. Oh, I hate it with a passion. This was used on me so many times that I am grateful I still have a bit of self-worth left. Please pay close attention to what I’m about to tell you because it can change your lifeGaslighting is real, and some people are really good at it too.
Gaslighting is a form of convincing someone that they are crazy. For instance, if you catch your partner doing something wrong, they will turn the blame over to you. They can say a multitude of things that will make you feel like you’ve done something wrong yourself.
But there’s more to it. They can convince you that your memory of certain situations is wrong, especially if you’ve happened to mention a disturbing memory about them. They will say you are too sensitive, that everything you’ve seen or heard is all in your head.
Basically, it’s about them getting out of trouble at the expense of your sanity.

3. Humiliation in relationships

Sometimes partners will purposely embarrass or humiliate their matein public. I’m not sure why they do this, other than to put themselves in a good light and their partner in a bad one. I guess it’s about defaming a reputation in hopes of getting their own way.
Now, fun teasing is okay, because many couples do this, but insults and degrading comments are never okay. Honestly, intelligent people, who see this being done to you, will probably realize the motivation behind what’s being done, which is a good thing.
Let’s hope many people are learning more about toxic relationship dynamics.

4. When you’re always to blame

By the way, I also hate this one too. I’ve been in a relationship before where it was almost impossible for my partner to take the blame for anything, and apologies were rare. You are in a verbally abusive partnership when your partner will not take the blame, it’s that simple.
When you fight, it will be because you upset him or when something is forgotten, it will be because you never reminded her. You get the picture. To them, it will always be your fault.

5. The overly jealous relationship

Being a little jealous is okay, but being obsessive about it is not. It can be turned into a verbally abusive and hurtful relationship. If your partner starts hounding you about flirting with others or cheating when you’re late coming home, then they have become obsessive, and this is toxic indeed.
Because even though jealousy may not initially be verbal, it will soon turn into questioning, prying, and even public humiliation. It tends to escalate rather quickly.

6. The undermining relationship

A verbally toxic and abusive relationship can also include undermining. What undermining does is it makes the victim of abuse question their own interests and other choices. An abusive partner will criticize their mate’s clothing, music, and even food choices until the victim starts to question their own choices themselves.
This is also a form of control and may be hard to recognize at first. This is usually due to the fact that the abuser wraps their criticism in caring statements. They say they want to support their partner and they know they can do better.
Have you heard this before? You just have to learn how to tell the difference between real support and manipulation.

What can we do?

verbally abusive relationship - What can we do
If you’re in a relationship that has any of these characteristics, it’s time to do inventory. Pay attention to the way your partner acts in certain situations or during arguments. Many times, they will have a hard time with healthy communication and will say the communication is being argumentative.
Usually, the abusive partner will get angry instead of trying to talk things through, not always, but most of the time.
So, with this being said, I hope you can find a way to stop verbal abuse if you endure this. A verbally abusive relationship can damage both your physical and mental health if not approached in the right way and resolved.
Sometimes, unfortunately, leaving the toxic relationship is the only solution. This will be up to you.
I wish you well.
References:
  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/
  2. https://www.womenshealth.gov/
 
 
About the Author
Sherrie Hurd is an artist and a regular contributor to the websites Learning Mind and Life Advancer. She spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse. She is a mother of three and a lifetime fan of the thought-provoking and questionable aspects of the universe.
 

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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


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Discernment is recommended.
 

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publicado por achama às 22:27
Terça-feira, 25 / 06 / 19

How to Practice Modern Stoicism and Why It Will Make You Happier ~ Janey Davies.

How to Practice Modern Stoicism and Why It Will Make You Happier.

By Janey Davies.

June 25th, 2019.

 
 

 



 

Just one glance at the internet and you’ll be deluged with posts promising to reveal the secrets of everlasting happiness. But actually, there is no mystery to being happy, and modern stoicism can show you why.
The word stoic suggests a longsuffering, patient, tolerant person that bears their burden without complaint. However, to imply that this is the route to happiness would be completely wrong. The theory behind modern stoicism is simple.

What Is Modern Stoicism?

In life, we cannot control everything so we should focus on the things we can and accept what we cannot change.
Modern stoicism originates from the Stoics who were ancient philosophers living in Greece. These wise men argued that in order to live happier lives we should decide what things we can change and what we cannot.
Once we have distinguished between the two, we can work at changing what is within our power to do so. Then it is easier to accept what we cannot change as part of life. This might sound like airy-fairy nonsense, but it does make a lot of sense when you consider what is actually under our control.
What can’t we control?
  • What people think of us.
  • Our own bodies.
  • The environment
  • What people do.
What can we control?
  • How we think about all of the above.
  • What judgments we make about those thoughts.

There are two basic principles:

We can’t control everything in life. All we can control is how we think about what happens and the judgments we make, based on these thoughts. And this is where it gets interesting. The ancient Greeks believed that it is not actual things that cause us unhappiness but how we think about them.
When something happens, we make a judgment about it. If we think the thing is bad, we feel upset or angry or grief. It all depends on what the thing is, on how we have perceived and judged it. However, this same thing might not upset another person, indeed, it might even be a joyous event for someone else.
For example, take a World Cup final. The winning team’s fans will be rejoicing. The losers will feel real pain and grief. If you’re not interested in football, you won’t be affected at all.
So, the important thing to remember is that whatever judgment we add to our thoughts gives the thing value. Moreover, it is this value that produces our emotion. The good thing is that we have control over these judgments. Whatever happens, whether it is good or bad, we can decide what value we assign to them. That value will then affect our emotions.
Likewise, this emotion can be happiness or sadness or anything we choose to feel. So while we may have no control over what happens to us, we do have complete control over how we feel about what happens to us. Consequently, we are in control of our happiness.

So how does stoicism work in the modern world?

 

Figure out what’s really important

 
Many people lust after wealth, fame, power, status, but the reality is that few of us are going to attain these things. As a result, a lot of us are going to end up miserable because we haven’t achieved these goals. So why do we value these things? At the end of the day, most of us just want to be comfortable, healthy, have good friends and no stresses or worries.
Consider why you want these meaningless trappings? Is it to impress other people? Perhaps the media tells you that in order to be happy, you have to have the fastest car, the nicest watch, the latest designer dress. Do what makes you happy, not what others tell you.

It’s not about self-belief or positive thinking

 
Consider this scenario; you’ve decided to scale Mount Everest. You’re setting off with no strategy, equipment, guides and you’re unfit. Now, no amount of self-belief or positive thinking is going to get you to the top of that mountain. Modern stoicism is about setting realistic goals that are right for you and that are achievable.
You hear a lot of stories of successful business people where determination and positive thinking was the key to their success. They never gave up and it was their dogged self-belief that spurred them on. But when you consider that 9 out of 10 start-ups fail, it’s obviously not about believing in yourself. It’s about getting the right idea in the first place.

Distinguish whether the situation is under your control or not

 
If something is starting to bother you, try and distinguish whether it is one of those things that’s under your control or not. Think about this as a line that divides the actions of anything that’s out of your control on one side, and your thoughts about those actions on the other side. Then whatever is bothering you, place it either side of the line. Now, you’ve distinguished which one it is, is there anything you can do about it?
For example, a shop assistant is rude to you in the store. You immediately feel angry, but you can’t control the assistant’s actions. Perhaps they are busy and under stress? What you can dois complain about their behaviour to their manager, or you can ask them to explain their rude behaviour.
By dividing what you can control and can’t takes the pressure off you. It removes emotion from situations. It’s actually very freeing. It’s not about letting people off the hook for being rude or aggressive, it’s more about living your life without the pressure of feeling responsible for everything that happens in the world.
My final point is that if you want to start practising modern stoicism, every morning, think about the day ahead, the possible traps you might encounter. Just be ready for them and remember that you can’t control everything, but you can control how you feel about things.
 
References:
  1. http://www.bbc.com
  2. https://www.independent.co.uk
 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

About the Author: Janey Davies.

Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



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If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


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publicado por achama às 21:12
Domingo, 16 / 06 / 19

What Is Introverted Thinking and How It Is Different from Extroverted One ~ Janey Davies.

What Is Introverted Thinking and How It Is Different from Extroverted One.

By Janey Davies.

June 15th, 2019.

 
 

 



 

Did you know that the Myers-Briggs Personality Theory uses our way of thinking to separate us into introverted and extroverted individuals?

If this is a surprise to you, then you’re not the only one. I thought the personality traits of introverts and extroverts extended only to external behaviour. For example, the way we act around others, whether we like social contact or whether we prefer to be left alone.
For instance, a typical introvert will tire easily in company and find solitude the best way to recharge their batteries. On the other hand, extroverts love to be the centre of attention and find alone time hard to deal with.
However, I didn’t realise that we could also think in an introverted or extroverted way. So what exactly is introverted thinking?
You might imagine that when we think, we do so in a kind of social and personal vacuum, but that’s far from the truth. Every experience, every connection, every person we’ve ever met colours our thinking process. As a result, when we think, we bring up all this knowledge and it shapes our thoughts.
So, it stands to reason that someone who is, by nature, more of an introverted person is not suddenly going to start thinking in an extroverted way. But it’s actually more complicated than that. There are very clear differences between introverted and extroverted thinking. And some you might not have thought of.

Differences between Introverted Thinking and Extroverted Thinking

Introverted Thinkers:

  • Focus on what’s in their head
  • Deep thinkers
  • Prefer concepts and theories
  • Good with solving problems
  • Use precise language
  • Natural followers
  • Get projects moving
  • Need to know how things work
Examples of Introverted Thinkers:
Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, Larry Page (Co-founder of Google), Simon Cowell, Tom Cruise.
Introverted thinkers don’t mind mess and chaos because it allows them to sift through the mess to find answers. They like to analyse a situation before they make a decision.
They will gather all the necessary information they have on the subject, measure it carefully against what they already know, and see if it corresponds or not. Any new information gets stored for later use, anything that’s incorrect gets tossed.
They continue to work in this way, re-evaluating every situation until they are satisfied they have the right conclusion. Having said that, they are always open to new information because at the end of the day they want the truth.
They have an almost obsessive need to know how things work and, as a result, are renowned for coming up with new inventions. They understand complex theories which they can then use in the real world.

Extroverted Thinkers

  • Focus on the real world
  • Logical thinkers
  • Prefer facts and objectives
  • Good with planning and organising projects
  • Use commanding language
  • Natural leaders
  • Get people moving
  • Need to know how people work
Examples of Extroverted Thinkers
Julius Caesar, Napoleon Bonaparte, Martha Stewart, Judge Judy, Uma Thurman, Nancy Pelosi (US Speaker of the House).
Extroverted thinkers can’t stand mess. They are typically much-organised people who need to know where everything is before they can either start work or begin to relax. You won’t find an extrovert with a messy desk. Moreover, if you are messy and disorganised, just ask one to help you and you won’t ever regret it.
Extroverts are direct people and this applies to their approach to life. They won’t faff about. They make quick decisions, take the fastest route or skip lunch to make a meeting. They plan in advance, schedule appointments and know exactly when their train or bus is due to arrive.
Also, they stick with what they know and don’t like new information because it might mess up their carefully thought-out plans.

5 Signs You Might Be an Introverted Thinker

ISTPs & INTPs use introverted thinking.
  1. You don’t believe everything you read.
Do you find you are always fact-checking before you repost on Facebook? Did you question your tutors at school? Do you take things with a pinch of salt? These are all signs of introverted thinking.
  1. You like to take your time when making a decision
No one can accuse you of making rash decisions or acting on impulse. You won’t be rushed when it comes to important decisions.
  1. You’re not afraid of arguing your point of view.
Some people don’t like confrontation, but that’s not you. If you believe you are right, you’ll back yourself, even if it makes you unpopular.
  1. Sometimes you find it hard to explain your position
Just because it makes sense to you doesn’t mean it’s easy to tell someone else.
  1. You don’t follow normal societal routines
People that follow their own path, whether it’s getting up late and working until midnight, or going vegan, natural rule breakers are internal thinkers.
 

5 Signs You Might Be an Extroverted Thinker

ENTJs and ESTJs use extroverted thinking.
  1. You like facts and figures
You have a tendency to believe and trust people. You look to experts to give you advice and you’re happy to follow it.
  1. You can’t bear people who procrastinate
There’s no ‘doing it tomorrow when you can do it today’ for you. In fact, you don’t get the point of putting something off and you can’t understand why someone would.
  1. You’ll make a decision quickly
People can rely on you in a crisis because of your quick thinking and the fact that you are not afraid of making hard choices.
  1. You are able to vocalise your thoughts
You can easily externalise your inner thoughts to others. It’s part of how you can communicate easily and get the job done.
  1. You like rules and regulations
Following the rules allows things to run smoothly and that lets you plan and organise your world more efficiently.
Did you recognise yourself in any of the above descriptors? If you want to know more, why not see which Myers-Briggs personality type you are?
 
References:

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

About the Author: Janey Davies.

Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



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Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.

 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 

No religious or political belief is defended here. (Investigate yourself)

 

Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 

If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


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publicado por achama às 05:30
A Luz está a revelar a Verdade, e esta libertar-nos-á! -Só é real o AMOR Incondicional. -Quando o Amor superar o amor pelo poder, o mundo conhecerá a Paz; Jimi Hendrix. -Somos almas a ter uma experiência humana!

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