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Segunda-feira, 23 / 03 / 20

How to Avoid Emotional Distancing in Times of Social Distancing

How to Avoid Emotional Distancing in Times of Social Distancing.

Lottie Miles, M.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted March 22, 2020.

 
Emotional Distancing social Distancing.

 
 

 
When we feel lonely or overwhelmed by the situation we are in, we can easily fall into the trap of emotionally distancing ourselves from others. In this post, we will look at how you can avoid emotional distancing when socially distancing.
 
The effects of the coronavirus have been more far-reaching than most of us could ever have imagined. Fortunately, all of us can successfully help prevent the exponential spread of coronavirus. What we need to do is to reduce our social contact with others by practicing ‘social distancing’.
 
This means cutting down on all non-essential contact with others even if we are healthy ourselves. However, when we spend more time on our own or in close quarters with just one or two others, we can sometimes feel lonely.
 
What Is Social Distancing?
 
“Remaining out of congregate settings, avoiding mass gatherings, and maintaining distance (approximately 6 feet or 2 meters) from others when possible” – Center for Disease Control
 
Social distancing refers to steps taken to reduce our social interactions with other people to stop the spread of infections. This usually involves curtailing all contact that is purely social and sometimes staying away from work and school even when healthy.
 
It means limiting face-to-face time with our loved ones and our friends if we do not live with these groups. It means doing this, even if we personally show no symptoms or are unlikely to suffer an extreme reaction to the coronavirus.
 
Coronavirus is highly contagious and an estimated 15% of cases will require hospital care, with a further 5% requiring ICU care. For this reason, social distancing is vital to stop the spread.
 
Social distancing can help hospitals with limited resources and prevent the speed of virus spread. Moreover, it can buy time for the global community to find vaccines, cures, and source vital equipment to help those who need it before more lives are unnecessarily lost.
 
Why Is Social Distancing Important?
 
The value of social distancing is shown most starkly in the contrasting death rates between South Korea and Italy which both saw 10 people killed by the coronavirus at about the same time.
 
With social distancing and an effective testing program in South Korea, under 100 people have died from coronavirus, compared to almost 5,000 deaths in Italy as of late March 2020. Ultimately, by practicing social distancing, you can save lives.
 
What Is Emotional Distancing?
 
Emotional distancing can occur if we live on our own, with friends, or with a partner. Typically, we can be drawn to isolate ourselves emotionally when overwhelmed by demands in a relationship or other stresses.
 
As the discussion above shows, we have a lot to be overwhelmed by at the moment. Moreover, practicing social distancing can lead to us feeling lonely because of our physical separation from others.
 
Fortunately, there are steps we can take to help stop us from feeling lonely. The first step is recognizing when we may be becoming emotionally distant.
 
 
Below, we outline 3 ways to avoid emotional distancing during social distancing
 
These will help us all feel connected during these emotionally challenging times.
 
 
Practice emotional connectivity
 
Spending time alone can help us to reconnect with ourselves emotionally. We also have to try and remember that being alone physically does not have to mean we feel alone mentally. We can realize this by practicing feeling emotionally connected by remembering things we have done with others in the past. This could be acts of kindness people have done for us or acts of kindness we have done for others.
 
We can also feel more connected to people by taking the time to think about who we care about as well as ourselves. This could be a small group of people close to you or broader.
 
Simply by recognizing our care for others and taking time to think about this, we can feel more connected to others. We can also engage with supporting the people more isolated than ourselves by organizing collectively to minimize our overall social contact.
 
 
Stay virtually connected
 
Not being able to see people face-to-face can be hard. Thankfully, with video calls, text, email, and phone calls, we can feel much closer to our nearest and dearest when socially distancing. It is a great idea to ramp up this form of connectivity as we more stringently socially distance ourselves from others.
 
Indeed, we may find ourselves benefiting from more regular contact with our loved ones than if we could simply pop round. We can give ourselves space from those we share close quarters with and foster relationships with those further away.
 
 
Practice kindness and gratitude
 
If we are socially isolating or socially distancing with others in our homes, then we can become emotionally distant with those we share physical space with. We can combat this by being open and honest about how we are feeling.
 
Early on, it can be beneficial to recognize some of the aspects of ‘quarantine’ that you may find challenging. Whilst we can be tempted to evade things that make us feel uncomfortable, avoidance coping can be unhealthy.
 
Actively practicing kindness to one another and ourselves can help to make us feel closer to each other. Do you find yourself feeling distant or irritable with those you share space with? Actively focusing on being kind and grateful to have them is a way to stave off emotional distancing.
It can be tempting to see ourselves as invincible to the consequences of the coronavirus.
 
However, it is important to remember that our actions have consequences for others as well as ourselves. Socially distancing has been shown to be vital in the fight against coronavirus. It is something we all need to take seriously.
 
Fortunately, when socially distancing ourselves from others, we can remind ourselves that we are connected emotionally as well as physically. By realizing this, we can avoid emotionally distancing ourselves during social distancing.


 

 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


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publicado por achama às 00:18
Quinta-feira, 12 / 03 / 20

Personality in the Workplace: 9 Most Difficult Types.

Personality in the Workplace: 

9 Most Difficult Types.

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

March 12th, 2020.

 
Personality in the Workplace.
 
 
 
Over the years, I’ve worked in a lot of different jobs. From factory floors to secretarial roles, it doesn’t seem to matter which. There’s always one personality in the workplace that gets on everyone’s nerves.
 
And that gave me an idea. There must be specific personality types in the workplace that everyone recognises and secretly despises. So let’s bring them out into the open where they belong.
 
9 Most Difficult Types of Personality in the Workplace
 
The Under-Miner
 
I remember starting work at an electrical contracting company as a secretary and the firm consisted of all men. One man, in particular, was a sneaky ‘whisper in the ear’ kind of guy that would say things to undermine my confidence.
 
It was my first time working as a secretary, so I was new to the role and didn’t know what was expected of me. This one guy would appear to offer help and advice but then add a kind of afterthought that made me doubt my decision or actions.
 
This kind of personality in the workplace is undermining you to get ahead themselves by making you look bad.
 
The Ass-Kisser
 
I’ve come across several of these in my time. The person that rushes up to the boss with a tea or coffee as soon as they walk through the door. The ones that always turn up early to work and leave late to show willing.
 
They make everyone else feel as if they aren’t doing as much as they should. This sort of personality feeds resentment in the workplace. I mean, no one likes an ass-kisser in any walk of life.
 
So why do they act this way? Because they have a need to feel special and favourite.
 
The Gossip
 
You often get cliques forming in certain workplace environments, and this is where you’ll find our third difficult workplace personality – the gossip.
 
This person loves to spread rumours and lies about people. They play colleagues off one another to cause friction. In fact, this is really a form of bullying. Gossips feel better about themselves by making others feel worse. Gossip isolates people and it’s particularly insidious in small companies.
 
The Over-Sharer
 
I once worked in a factory office and I was leaving the job and training up my replacement. She didn’t know anyone there and had only been learning the job for two days.
 
The office was open plan and had around 50 employees working there. One day, in a very loud voice, she informed me that this was her first real fulltime position after she had miscarried her baby.
 
This came out of nowhere. It was loud enough for everyone close by to hear. I didn’t really know her that well, but she proceeded to go into quite revealing details about the miscarriage and the treatment in hospital. The over-sharer wants everyone to know their most intimate private details.
 
The Perfectionist
 
Have you ever had to stay late because your team leader wants just ‘one more draft’ before you go? This is the work of the perfectionist, and she or he can keep us at work for hours. Nothing is ever finished, nothing is ever good enough. You can deliver the most perfect content and it will come back with suggestions or edits.
 
The problem with this personality is that they are probably not just like this in the workplace. They are more than likely to be perfectionists at home too. So it’s not something they do to get at colleagues, it’s in their nature.
 
The Depressive
 
Whatever you say to the depressive, it will never work and it won’t succeed. The depressive is the one with a negative attitude toward everything.
 
The thing is, they never have a suggestion for what might work. They just need to tell you that your idea won’t work. And it doesn’t matter how many different solutions you put to them, none will get through. Their only role in life is to put down everything everyone suggests and bring us all down to their depressive level.
 
The Critic
 
On the other hand, we have the critic. Now, you might think the depressive and the critic are the same, but they’re not.
 
The critic will take great delight in criticising your work or your ideas. They get their energy from contradicting what you say. They are even known to make up bogus facts and figures to make their argument seem valid.
 
To them, this is a fight, a battle, a duel to the end. There can only be one winner and they’ll do everything in their power to win. These are the kind of people that argue black is white.
 
The Slacker
 
We all know someone who doesn’t pull their fair share of work. Actually, when I was younger it was me! I worked in a reject kitchen shop and was responsible for the packing up of orders. In the warehouse, boxes were stored at the back. Because most of the stuff we sold was jumpers and knitted accessories, the boxes were very soft.
 
You could make a nice little nest from these boxes where you would be hidden from the main part of the warehouse. My friend and I would take it in turns to have little afternoon naps for half an hour while the other would keep an eye out for the boss. Hey, I was 17!
 
The Weirdo
 
I’ve also worked with some weirdos in my time. One stands out in particular. This is another office tale. We had a smoking room in the days where you were allowed to smoke indoors and there was one guy who used the smoking room that everyone else avoided talking to.
 
I was told some rumours and gossip about him but decided to make up my own mind. Anyone, we got talking and sort of became friends over time. Then one day he said, “I’ve told my friend I’ve met someone.” I said that I thought that was great, and he looked puzzled and said ‘It’s you’.
 
I was a bit worried then he started sending me emails, asking me out, turning up at my flat, coming into work drunk and finally threatening me. In the end, because the company didn’t do anything, I left.
 
Final thoughts
 
Can you identify with any of these difficult personality types in the workplace or do you know any I haven’t covered? Let me know!
 
 
References:

  1. inc.com
  2. imgur.com


Janey Davies

 





About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

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publicado por achama às 18:20
Segunda-feira, 09 / 03 / 20

...

Are Intelligent Women Less Likely to Fall for Psychopaths and Narcissists?

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

March 7th, 2020.

 
intelligent women.
 

 

 
Do you think you would ever fall for a psychopath or narcissist? Most intelligent women think they wouldn’t. But skilled manipulators target all kinds of people. So can your smarts outwit a predator? Let’s find out.
 
How Likely Is It for Intelligent Women to Fall for Psychopaths and Narcissists?
 
We all like to think that we are intelligent enough to see behind the mask of a psychopath, but are we? Before we talk about intelligence, let us examine the characteristics of psychopaths and narcissists.
 
Psychopath traits
 
Psychopaths are charming, intelligent, and tend to be well-liked in society. They may have powerful jobs and earn a higher wage. They are also glib and have the gift of the gab. I mean, what’s not to like?
 
Narcissist traits
 
On the other hand, narcissists have perfected the mask they hide behind. They present their best side to the world, they have an over-inflated view of themselves and will lie and cheat to maintain this façade.
 
So it’s clear that we are dealing with some pretty devious characters here. But shouldn’t self-respecting intelligent women be able to see through the lies and manipulation? Not necessarily.
 
Studies have shown the opposite to be true. In fact, women are attracted to psychopathic traits.
 
 
“Psychopathic men have a personality style that makes them appear attractive to women in dating encounters. This may be because they are extra confident or feel at ease or know exactly what to say to get the attention of women,” Kristopher Brazil, PhD candidate at Brock University.
 
In one study, an assistant engaged in a two-minute dating scenario conservation with males. She asked the men what they liked to do on a first date and recorded their responses. After the questions, the males completed assessments of psychopathy, socio-sexuality and social intelligence.
 
These videos were then played to 108 young women who were asked to rate the attractiveness of the men. The study found women rated men with psychopathic tendencies highly. In other words, they found psychopaths more attractive.
 
So it seems we are predisposed to find psychopathy attractive, but can our intelligence help us to sort out the manipulators?
Why intelligent women can’t help falling for psychopaths and narcissists
 
We judge people by our own standards
 
Psychopaths use their charm and intelligence to get what they want. They have no conscience so will use any means necessary at their disposal. Now, the problem with this is that most people are not psychopaths. However, we assume that everyone acts the way we do.
 
We believe we all share the same moral compass, the same values and are decent at heart. We cannot imagine how people can act in a despicable way. If it’s not in our nature, surely it can’t be in anyone else’s.
 
But of course, this is not the case. Just because we wouldn’t cheat or lie or gaslight someone, it doesn’t mean that others won’t.
 
We all believe we have empathy for other people, but some are born without empathy. They have no regard for other people’s feelings. They have no conscience.
 
The other problem is that not every psychopath is like Hannibal Lecter. Some psychopaths only tick a few points on the Hare’s Psychopath Checklist. In fact, studies show that psychopaths will use their charm and deceit in the short-term in order to snare their victims. But they can’t keep this pretence up long-term. Why? Because their selfish needs are their ultimate goals.
 
In other words, they’ll only schmooze you until they’ve got what they want.
 
Psychopaths are excellent manipulators
 
The other problem is that psychopaths and narcissists are born manipulators. They have this innate talent to charm, deceive and play the ordinary person. They’ve spent years, decades even, perfecting their craft. So they know exactly what to say to turn you on, to hold your interest, to keep the spotlight on them.
 
“Psychopathic men are really good at pretending to display what women are attracted to. They’re really good at putting on this mask, and making themselves look attractive . . . You exude a larger-than-life presence, and give off an impression of greatness.” Kristopher Brazil
 
Psychopaths will make you feel like the most special person in the room. They’ll flatter and charm you, and you’ll feel like the luckiest girl in the world. But of course, they only do it to get what they want.
 
These types of manipulators are always confident. They are at ease with themselves, and intelligent women find confident men extremely attractive.
 
Psychopaths also have a box of tricks up their sleeves when it comes to manipulating someone. They pull you into their circle by telling you false secrets about someone. They draw you in by revealing a confidence they shouldn’t have.
 
They will often do small favours and then ask for a larger one in return. This elicits trust and a desire to reciprocate the help.
We care about our loved ones
 
One way psychopaths and narcissists are able to fool intelligent women is because they are incapable of the most basic human emotions. In fact, studies have shown that they only mimic emotions to blend in or deceive people around them.
 
“Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) research indicates that psychopaths are incapable of experiencing basic human emotions and feelings of guilt, remorse, or empathy.” Corporate Psychopath expert Paul Babiak and Forensic Behavioral Consultant Mary Ellen O’Toole
 
In relationships or the work environment, having no emotions can have a huge benefit, especially if you want to gain an advantage over someone. On the other hand, if you are an emotional person and care deeply about your partner or colleagues, you might agonise over decisions you have to make.
 
Overly emotional people can feel guilty about breaking up with a partner. So much so that they put it off. Bosses may put up with shoddy work because they feel responsible for their staff.
 
Caring for other people can clearly be a disadvantage in certain circumstances. It can interfere with the way you do your job, or how you cope in a relationship.
 
How can intelligent women recognise a psychopath or narcissist?
 
I’m saying intelligent women are not less likely to fall for psychopaths or narcissists. In fact, it’s difficult for anyone to resist their charms. So how can you resist?
 
Do other people question this individual’s actions?
 
Sometimes we can be so under a person’s spell we can’t see the wood for the trees. Are you ignoring advice from close friends? Do family members raise concerns about this individual? If multiple people are worried, you should be too.
 
Does this individual pick on your vulnerabilities?
 
Psychopaths have a pathological need to damage their victims once they are drawn in. In fact, they are driven by their victim’s vulnerabilities. They can’t help themselves. If your new boyfriend has turned particularly nasty and was once charming, he might be a psychopath.
 
Does he play mind games with you?
 
Gaslighting and mind games are favourite manipulation tools for this individual. It’s how he gets his kicks. If you start questioning yourself, thinking that you are going mad, you could be a victim of a psychopath.
 
Final thoughts
 
It doesn’t matter how intelligent woman you are. If a psychopath or narcissist has you in their sights, it’s only a matter of time before you become their victim.
 
 
References:
 

 

Janey Davies

 





About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

Archives:



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

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publicado por achama às 01:43
Domingo, 23 / 02 / 20

5 Signs of Blame Shifting and How to Deal with It.

 

5 Signs of Blame Shifting and How to Deal with It.

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 23rd, 2020.

 
 

 
 
One of the things I despise the most is someone who can never take responsibility for their actions. Blame shifting is their second nature.
 
I hate to admit that I’m way too familiar with blame-shifting. For years of my life, I thought everything was my fault, even when obviously it wasn’t – it was complete with evidence in my favor. Did that evidence ever make the blame shifter stop in their tracks?
 
Nope. That’s because a blame shifter is good at what they do, and they will do it as long as they can get away with it.
 
Blame shifting is insidious
 
The biggest issue with blame-shifting is that it can greatly damage a healthy person’s self-esteem. This heinous act will leave you questioning facts about your life and about your character as well. Shifting the blame onto someone else can be dangerous and completely destroy lives.
 
I know all this sounds like an exaggeration, but unfortunately, it’s not. Many otherwise mentally healthy individuals have been hurt so badly that they constantly question their self-worth. Do you know what we need to do? We need to see blame shifters before they get to us.
 
Recognizing the storm before it hits
 
1. The apology with strings attached
 
If by chance, you get the blame shifter to apologize at all, which hardly ever happens, they will use the “I’m sorry, but…” tactic. What I mean by this is that they will apologize, but they have to add some sort of defensive mechanism to the apology.
 
Whether they are about to put some of the blame on you or make an excuse for their behavior, you will recognize them by their inability to apologize without the added “but”, which totally eliminates the sincerity of the responsibility. What they are doing is finding a crack to slip out from under what they’ve done wrong.
 
2. Because of this, and because of that
 
Shifting the blame can be as easy as using cause and effect. While cause and effect do exist, responsibility is the main concern. Listen to this small interaction to understand:
 
Real victim: “You really hurt my feelings when you yelled at me.”
 
Blame shifter: “Well, if you would stop complaining about the same thing over and over, I wouldn’t.”
 
There are two ways that the blame shifter is really in the wrong. First of all, they shouldn’t be continuing behavior that makes someone else constantly complain. Most people complain when something bothers them, and they want to communicate.
 
Blame shifters don’t usually communicate, and so the problem gets ignored. After much complaining, they use verbal abuse as a scare tactic. There are many other situations like this where toxic people use the cause and effect technique to excuse any blame placed on themselves.
 
3. No communication
 
Blame shifting always comes with the inability to communicate. While these people can talk about problems on the surface level, when they are proven wrong, they clam up. They have no excuses or reasons for their behavior. They may even outright lie.
 
Then, ultimately, they will say there’s no reason to discuss the issue anymore. This is so damaging because it leaves the issues hanging and they’re never resolved. Then this causes bitterness to set in. Many marriages have failed due to the lack of healthy and honest communication. And most of the time, you will recognize the blame shifter by their communication aversion.
 
4. The pity party
 
You will also know you have yourself a blame shifter when they start telling you stories about their troubled childhood and how it makes them the way they are. While many people really did have a bad childhood, the toxic person will tell this story and exaggerate it to keep from taking the blame for present issues or mistakes.
 
It’s also okay to talk about past issues and how they’ve made you do things, but you cannot use this excuse for every mistake you make. If you cannot take the blame for doing something now, you will always be a child. Watch out for the pity party.
5. Flipping the script
 
This is an old term, but it fits so perfectly with a tactic that the blame shifter uses. When they’ve been caught red-handed, their first response is shock, their second response is to find the quickest way to turn the incident over onto you… using you as the villain.
 
Now, I know what you must be thinking, “How could someone caught in the act make the victim look bad?”
 
Well, they use carefully calculated manipulation. For example, let’s say you went to see your husband at work and he wasn’t there, and so, when he arrived home at the usual time, you asked him about it.
 
Now, some people will lie and say they had to leave for this or that reason, but if the blame shifter wants, he can turn the attention to you. He might say, “Why were you stalking my workplace?”, “What is wrong with you?”, oh, and my favorite, “You still don’t trust me, do you?” and then proceed to make an excuse for where he was, then stay mad for several days.
 
The blame for the whole confrontation is now your fault. You should have minded your own business and stayed at home.
 
How do we deal with these people?
 
Well, I hope you never have to endure such people because they have serious issues with themselves. Never ever believe that these things are your fault. Anyone who cannot take logical blame for their imperfections has a problem that can only be fixed by them or by professional help.
 
If you happen to be in a marriage with someone like this or stuck in a situation you cannot get out of at the moment, you will have to find various ways to living with this issue, and it’s a difficult one.
 
Honestly, it’s almost impossible to confront someone like this without being verbally abused or taking their blame on yourself. This will make you unhealthy, both mentally and physically over time.
 
Your best outcome would be if your loved one came to you for help and genuinely wanted to change. Believe it or not, some people eventually see what they’ve become. In this case, it’s worth sticking around. If there is no desire to change, then the choice is yours.
 
Just remember, none of this nonsense is about you, and sometimes it’s best to walk away than to get into arguments with toxic people because you will never win. If this applies to you, I hope everything works out for the best.

 

Sherrie Hurd



Image credit: Stephen Hawking is giving a lecture for NASA’s 50th anniversary/NASA

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 22:27
Domingo, 16 / 02 / 20

7 Signs of Oldest Child Syndrome and How to Get Over It.

 

7 Signs of Oldest Child Syndrome and How to Get Over It.

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 15th, 2020.

 
 

 
 
Being the oldest sibling can be tough. After all, you were the Guinea pig, the one your parents used to learn how to be a parent. I guess that sounds kind of mean but think about it. Unless your parents worked at daycares or one of them babysit other children, when you, the oldest child came along, they were clueless. This started the oldest child syndrome.
 
This issue, although it sounds sad, helps our parents become better at raising you and your siblings.
 
There is a positive and negative side
 
Yes, this issue does have good and bad points since you got all the attention and didn’t have to share toys. But something less attractive may have developed from this place in your family. Being the oldest child sounds like it holds great power, but it can also create problems. So, are you the oldest child?
 
Signs that you have the oldest child syndrome:
 
1. Being an over-achiever
 
Firstborns are often perfectionists. They start to pick up vibes that everyone expects certain things from them. These are just ordinary vibes, but the over-achieving oldest child will put more into the expectations than they should. They want to make you, the parent proud of them and will go to any lengths to do so.
 
This attitude, while strained, can eventually lead to success in their lives. They will excel in their studies and in sports, not stopping until they feel their endeavors lack nothing.
 
2. You get harsher punishments
 
As the oldest child, not only do the parents take more pictures, buy more toys, but they also dish out harsher punishments. Harsher than what, you may ask?
 
The oldest child will endure punishments that years later, younger siblings will not. By the time baby number 2 and 3 arrive, the parents will have grown a bit lenient. It’s so unfair, but that’s just the way it goes, and yes, you have the oldest child syndrome.
 
3. No hand-me-downs
 
Guess what, you might have the syndrome of being the oldest child, but you also have all new clothes too, unless someone outside the family gives you a few things. Otherwise, everything else you wear will be yours first. It will not be until your siblings come along that you will hand these clothes down to them.
 
You feel privileged if you take the time to think about it. Sometimes you may brag a little too much about it.
 
4. Secretly resents the younger siblings
 
The first baby – they always get the first of everything else too. They are cuddled all the time, played with, and get the best bedtime stories. Then suddenly, a new baby arrives, and things start to change.
 
The mother cannot allocate as much time with them as before. She has to dole out the love for two people now. Just wait until there’s a third one. Oh, how the oldest resents the birth of their siblings. The good news is, they usually grow to love them as they get older.
 
5. They’re serious and sometimes solitary
 
The oldest child is serious about most things and also loves to be alone. This is the case before siblings come along and especially afterward. It’s not so much out of anger or depression, it’s just a part of their personality.
 
My oldest son loved being by himself, and only when he entered high school did he make many friends. Maybe he had the oldest child syndrome and maybe not.
 
6. They’re either strong-willed or the opposite
 
The oldest child can have a strong will and be extremely independent. On the other hand, they could also be dependent on everyone, afraid and always trying to please everyone. So, when the second child comes along, the oldest child will either be rebellious or compliant.
 
7. Loves acting as a teacher
 
The oldest child loves the role of teacher to their younger siblings. While it’s good to have an in-house tutor, the oldest child may teach some less-than-savory lessons to his younger sisters or brothers.
 
However, as the older child teaches their siblings different things, when they learn they are wrong, it helps them grow. Too bad it can influence the minds of the younger children.
 
How can the oldest child overcome this syndrome?
 
The way in which your oldest child acts doesn’t have to be a syndrome, but it can. There are positive things that the eldest member of the family can do in order to utilize their child’s abilities.
 
Encourage your oldest child to help with chores without denying playtime. Coax them to learn balance.
 
Make sure you give credit to your child when they have done something good. Since oldest children have perfectionist attitudes, try to notice the little things so they see that yourexpectations are being met in them.
 
Make sure you give privileges. Although your first child will be the one you hover over and try to protect, let them do some things on their own. Set an age where they can do things differently and feel more mature.
 
Don’t forget to spend quality time with each child, especially the oldest. This prevents the eldest child from thinking their time with you has passed.
 
Is it really a syndrome, or just a way of thinking?
 
In reality, I think each child, whether they are oldest, somewhere in the middle, or maybe the youngest of the clan, will have a different set of characteristics. It’s difficult raising children the same. In fact, it’s impossible. You just simply cannot do the same things for the middle of the youngest child, as you’ve done for your oldest child. That’s because, like them, you are growing too – you are growing as a parent.
 
So, if your child is exhibiting signs of oldest child syndrome, don’t be alarmed. Just help them use their quirks and strengths.
 
If you’re an adult still struggling with this, you can still embrace your behavior as your strengths. Adults, take a look at those signs above and ask yourself, “Do I have the oldest child syndrome?” And most importantly, be honest with yourself. Only then can you approach the issue in the right way.
 
So, which child were you? Myself, I am the youngest. I’d love to hear about your place in your familyand your wonderful stories.
 
References:
  1. https://www.everydayhealth.com
  2. https://www.huffpost.com

 
 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


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publicado por achama às 04:23
Sábado, 08 / 02 / 20

Dunbar’s Number or Why Most of Your Social Connections Are Not Your Friends

Dunbar’s Number or Why Most of Your Social Connections Are Not Your Friends.

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

February 7th, 2020.

 
Dunbar’s Number.
 
 
 
Have you heard of Dunbar’s number? My sister certainly has. Years ago, when her new neighbour asked her if she wanted to pop round for a coffee, she said: “No thanks, I’ve got enough friends.”
 
Now, before you start judging my sis for being unnecessarily blunt, she does have a point. And that’s where Dunbar’s number comes in. You see, it suggests that a person can only maintain a maximum of 150 social connections at once. So why is this and where does the idea come from?
 
The Origin of Dunbar’s Number
 
Robin Dunbar is a British anthropologist and an evolutionary psychologist. Back in the 1990s, he was interested in the number of social connections a person could have.
 
For instance, how many people do we know; how many do we actually care about and is there a common link to this number? Do some people have more connections, others less? Now, remember, this was the 90s so well before social media and ‘likes’ and ‘friends’ and all of that.
 
Dunbar began his research by examining the patterns of sending Christmas cards.
Dunbar and the Christmas Card List
 
Sending cards at Christmas seems fairly innocuous, but there is a certain amount of investment involved. You make the list of people, you choose and buy the cards, the stamps, and you look up the addresses. Then you write them all out and post them. It all takes time and effort. Dunbar reckoned that most of us would not go to all this trouble and effort for just anyone.
 
After collecting data from thousands of households, Dunbar found a remarkable coincidence. Of every household he collected data from, the average number of cards sent was always around 150. There was also a fairly unanimous split in who the cards went to. For example, around a quarter were sent to close relatives, two-thirds to friends and the remaining small percentage to colleagues.
 
But why did the number 150 keep cropping up? It was a mystery. Dunbar carried on researching. But this time he turned his attention to primates and social groups.
Why Is Dunbar’s Number 150?
 
Dunbar discovered a link between a primate’s brain and the size of their social groups. Specifically, their brain mass and the primate’s preferred group sizes. He looked at different primate species and catalogued social activity.
 
In particular, time spent grooming (the equivalent of socialising for humans), the size of the neocortex (the area of the brain related to language and cognition) and group size. He found that in primates, the smaller the size of the brain, the smaller the size of the groups were formed. As brain mass increased, so did group size.
 
 
Dunbar proposed that brain size was the overriding factor in deciding the number of social connections a primate could successfully manage. Dunbar then collected data across all primate species, including humans.
 
He proposed that humans can only comfortably maintain 150 social connections. Larger numbers require stricter social rules and larger neocortical processing capacity.
So what exactly does Dunbar mean by 150 and social connections?
 
Dunbar characterises the number 150 as:
 
 
“..the number of people you would not feel embarrassed about joining uninvited for a drink if you happened to bump into them in a bar.”
 
There is strong evidence, throughout history, that shows 150 is an average size for social groups. Indeed, it is the optimum number for a group. For when numbers start to exceed this size things tend to collapse or fail to function effectively.
Dunbar’s Number applies to many social groups
 
Even our earliest ancestors, the cave-dwellers, the hunter-gatherers, lived in groups consisting, on average, of 150 people. The earliest villages consisted of around 150 people. From African tribes to Roman legions, we are always drawn back to this magic number of 150.
 
Perhaps stranger still, Dunbar and his magic number of 150 can be seen in many other aspects of human social groups, not just our personal lives. For example, offices, campsites, hotels, military organisations, even book-clubs. Indeed, research proves time and time again that if numbers exceed 150 the group fails.
150 only applies to primates and humans
 
So why 150? It appears that 150 is the prime number for evolutionary survival. Primates, in particular, live in social groups, and this helps them to survive. In our ancestor’s time, humans were prey, not predators. We didn’t have sharp teeth, razor-like claws or strong muscles.
 
 
Whereas it suited other predators to hunt alone, for humans to stay alive, we needed to form groups. We used our shared knowledge and cunning. We planned and formulated ways of attack. For us, staying in strong, social groups was a matter, literally, of survival.
 
Now, look at other animals. For instance, the tiger, a predator at the top of the food chain, or a penguin, prey and near the bottom. Tigers are solitary animals. They survive without the need of a group and therefore hunt alone.
 
On the other hand, penguins are at risk from many predators, including extreme weather conditions. As a result, it is in their best interest to form huge groups. In fact, some of the largest penguin colonies have consisted of up to 180,000 to 200,000 birds.
 
Of course, tigers and penguins are very different from primates and humans. Penguins may form groups but they are not social in the way that human groups are. For the penguins, it is all about staying alive. For humans, it is more about emotional, psychological and spiritual connections.
 
And this is where it gets interesting. Because it takes a lot of effort to maintain all this emotion, and our brain can only manage so much. However, have we changed in the 21st century?
Has Social Media Changed Dunbar’s Number?
 
Now, in today’s society, there is nothing unusual for a person to have hundreds, if not thousands of friends on Facebook. So is it possible that Dunbar’s number no longer applies in our modern world?
 
Dunbar first proposed the number 150 in the 1990s. The 2020s is a very different place. We communicate online. We meet for the first time online. We date online. Surely, Dunbar’s number must have increased a little to keep up with our modern society?
 
 
I mean, this doesn’t make sense for a modern age. People communicate in seconds across the globe. Our social reach has expanded as our grasp of technology has stretched our imaginations. Also, I would have thought that our brain capacity would have increased substantially since our ancestors first set up villages over 250,000 years ago.
 
Well, not really. And that’s because it is all to do with our emotional capacity.
 
 
“It is as though we each have a limited amount of social capital and we can choose to invest it thinly in more people, or thickly in fewer people. But you can’t exceed these limits.” Dunbar
 
So what do these social connections look like? Dunbar arranges them in ever-decreasing circles. Our closest friends are in our inner circle and our acquaintances are in the furthest circle.
Most people, on average, have:
5 loved ones
15 best friends
50 good friends
150 meaningful contacts
500 acquaintances
1500 people you recognise
 
So we may know thousands of people, but Dunbar states that the 150 number is the important cut-off.
 
 
“The 150 layer is the important one: this defines the people you have real reciprocated relationships with, those where you feel obligations and would willingly do favours.” Dunbar
 
Because humans are complex creatures, maintaining these relationships take effort and time. And that’s why we only have the capacity for 150 social connections.
 
Of course, people move in and out of our lives at any given point. There are also huge differences between the social connections of an extrovert and an introvert. An extrovert may have a larger social network. However, they tend to spread themselves out thinly across a wide network of people. Introverts have a smaller social pool of contacts. But they like to spend more quality time with a few special friends.
 
 
There are also interesting differences between the genders. For example, men have a wider spread of contacts throughout their social circles. Whereas women have more contacts within their inner circles.
Final Thoughts
 
So is there really any advantage to knowing that humans have a limited capacity for maintaining social connections? Well, I think so yes. I realise it is all about time and effort. If we only have space for 150 connections then we should make sure those connected to us are worth the effort, and that we make the effort to preserve them.
 
Oh, and my sister? She did pop round for that coffee after all. They’ve been good friends ever since.
References:
  1. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
  2. www.forbes.com
  3. www.bbc.com
 

 

 
Janey Davies

 





About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


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publicado por achama às 02:45
Segunda-feira, 03 / 02 / 20

7 Signs Your Emotional Baggage Is Keeping You Stuck and How to Move On.

7 Signs Your Emotional Baggage Is Keeping You Stuck and How to Move On.

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 31st, 2020.

 
 


 
When you just cannot move forward in life, it could be that your unresolved emotional issues are weighing you down. So many of us carry emotional baggage from somewhere. It shows in the way we speak, our actions, and even our expressions.
 
We can try to push and cram all our emotional belongings into a suitcase in our minds, but sooner or later, that suitcase is going to burst open, spilling all our emotional garbage everywhere. This won’t be a pretty site either.
 
What is emotional baggage?
 
Simply put, it is trauma, heartache, loss, love, lost friendships, and all other sorts of things. They are things that our minds refuse to release. For some reason, we keep ruminating and mulling over these issues, never finding closure or healing.
 
The baggage we carry with our emotions can spill out so far that it can affect others around us too, adding to their own problems. It’s just a complete mess and something that’s best eliminated or controlled.
 
Indicators that you’re stuck with emotional baggage
 
1. Repeating unhealthy relationships
 
Whether it’s the fact that you’ve been divorced several times, or you’re having problems connecting with the right people. If you’re repeating bad marriages or relationships, then maybe you’re carrying your baggage from one relationship to the other.
 
Now, this doesn’t mean the other party doesn’t have the baggage of their own. Sometimes it can be two people hashing through unhealthy pasts. However, it’s a big indicator that your emotional baggage is not letting you move on if you’re continually dating or associating with the same types of people.
 
2. You’re not living your potential
 
When you carry baggage from place to place, you will become weighed down, tired and even hopeless. Emotions passed from one experience to the other can kill passions that you used to have inside.
 
For example, if you love to garden, cook, play the piano, or other fulfilling things, your emotional baggage will leave you with no interest in these things anymore. If you don’t feel like doing the things you used to love, then that’s a sign you’re carrying the past into the present, and you’re alsostuck in that pattern, maybe even stuck with someone that doesn’t make you happy.
 
3. Mental illness can be a sign
 
Not all mental disorders are genetic. Some of them come from years of being stuck in an unhealthy place. Maybe you’ve been in a marriage for 20 years, enduring unhappiness for the sake of your children. Oh, how this is such a wrong thing to do. Actions like this can develop depression, anxiety, and other acquired problems.
 
With 20 unhappy years under your belt, you have several backpacks full of stuff you need to unpack. And for goodness sake, never stay for the kids. If a relationship is ruining your mental health, get out.
 
4. You haven’t faced the past
 
Sometimes really bad things happen in the past to people. Sometimes adults are survivors of childhood abuse or neglect. Sometimes adults are survivors of war, automobile accidents, or other trauma.
 
I’ve noticed that the first thing people want to do is forget about what happened, and this is the opposite of what they should be doing. Emotional baggage grows and grows the more trauma you ignore and the longer you keep it buried. If you’re not facing the past, you are dragging huge trunks of emotional belongings.
 
5. Your past is spilling into your future
 
You can have an otherwise healthy relationship, but it can be quickly tainted by things from the past. While there are red flags telling you that something is wrong, there are also coincidences that make you over-react and drag out old emotional scars. Then you apply these scars to your present situation.
 
If you’re taking a perfectly healthy union and basing it on all your damaged or broken unions of the past, then you are carrying baggage filled with old emotional content. If you happen to have a good partner, this is not fair to them.
 
6. Your sleeping habits are atrocious
 
Are you having trouble sleeping? If so, maybe you’re having nightmares every night. And if you are, then maybe it’s because of unresolved conflicts and trauma.
 
I have many traumatic situations from my past that invade my dreams most every night. Sometimes I feel okay in the morning, but sometimes I feel as though I’ve been run over by a truck. Until I get all this stuff cleaned out, my nights will continue to be inconsistent. This could be what’s happening to you too.
 
7. Emotional outbursts
 
For the most part, staying calm is pretty easy, but if you are carrying emotional baggage, eventually,there will be an outburst of some kind. It’s like cramming things in that suitcase we were talking about and not expecting it to pop open eventually.
 
 
If you have unresolved issues, hence the baggage, sooner or later, there will be an outburst of some kind. You would start yelling at someone after holding in your feelings for too long, or you could even get into a fight. If you’ve had any outbursts lately, then check to see if you have a bit of baggage left unchecked.
How can we move on?
 
 
The whole point of all this is to understand how to move past our emotional baggage. We have to unpack each item and take a close look at it. Do you have some childhood abuse folded up in there, maybe a whole stack of it? Then unfold it, look at it, and talk to someone about what happened. Yes, get help, and soon.
 
Do you have unhealthy past relationships rolled into the corner of the suitcase trying to hide and be forgotten? Well, grab those and learn what went wrong. Say there were two bad relationships, look at one, and objectively remember where the fights, disagreements, and divisions started.
 
Learn how not to repeat the same patterns. Most of the time, where relationships are concerned, it’s wise to stay alone for a few years between. Unfortunately, I know way too many people who hop from one relationship to the next, looking for better. Most of the time, they get the same or worse because they haven’t unpacked their baggage yet.
 
If emotional baggage concerns family relations, you have to continue staying in touch with your family despite what may have happened in the past. That is unless your family is the source of some kind of abuse, in which that baggage now has to be forgiven. If it’s just about old disagreements, you have to face each other and find a compromise.
 
There are many ways to unpack those suitcases and backpacks, but if you don’t you will carry them with you forever. And, no matter how old you are, you don’t want to have these things still sitting by your bedside at the end of your life. No regrets remember.
 
 
I hope you unpack your baggage soon. I am working on mine.
 

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 01:30
Domingo, 26 / 01 / 20

10 Things Your Introverted Friend Wants You to Know about Them

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

January 26, 2020

 
 
 
Introverts and extroverts can seem like different species at times. Each has their own needs, and sometimes, when you’re so strongly one way, it can be difficult to understand the other. As an extrovert, an introverted friend of yours might seem strange.
 
You could be as different as night and day, but if you love that introvert, then you’re probably desperate to find ways to understand them.
 
Truths to Help You Understand Your Introverted Friend
 
1. They Don’t Want You to Invite Extra People
 
Big group interactions are hard, big groups with unexpected people are even harder. When you make plans with an introverted friend, they’re looking forward to it being exactly the way they expect it to be. Blindsiding them with new faces could be extra draining and a little intimidating.
 
If the extra people are strangers or just acquaintances, then you might send your introvert running. Save them the discomfort and worry and don’t surprise them with extra people. Remember, introversion isn’t about social anxiety, it’s about energy. More people mean more lost energy.
 
2. They Don’t Want You to Show Up Unannounced
 
Our homes are our safe havens. This is even more true for an introvert. In our homes, we rest and recuperate in our own private ways. Your introverted friend needs time to themselves, and they probably feel safe inside their houses, knowing they can heal on their own time.
 
If you show up unannounced, you could be interrupting essential healing time. Without this time, you might be hindering their ability to recover. Introversion is all about energy. Introverts lose their energy quickly in social situations, even if you think they’re low-intensity events. Your introverted friends need to be alone to rebuild their strength.
 
Introverts may also be more uneasy about confrontation and therefore won’t want to ask you to leave. You could be causing them to feel overwhelmed and unable to be honest about their needs.
 
3. They Don’t Want You to Arrange Surprises
 
On that subject, don’t surprise them at all. Your introverted friend probably doesn’t want a surprise party on their birthday, a surprise visit from a friend or a surprise extra guest at dinner. They want to go into things with an idea of what to expect. Without that security, you might knock them off balance and ruin the experience altogether.
 
Save yourself the trouble and plan ahead and let them in the loop.
 
4. They Don’t Want You to Pressure Them for “Excitement”
 
Big days out, busy parties and large groups can be daunting. They can be incredibly draining on your introverted friend’s energy. That’s not to say they’ll never want any of those things, but if they say no, you should take their word for it.
 
Your introverted friend trusts you to never pressure them outside of their limits. Without those safe boundaries, you might lose your friend. Respect their wishes and believe them when they say they aren’t up to something.
 
5. They Don’t Want You to Call
 
Many introverts, and even shyer extroverts, hate phone calls. The pressure to think on the spot and fill silences can be terrifying. The inability to see the reactions and emotions of the person at the other end can make people incredibly uneasy.
 
Unless you’re certain that your introverted friend is happy with phone calls, try to avoid calling out of the blue. If you have to call, send a message first. If you don’t have to call, don’t do it at all.
 
6. They Don’t Want Constant Contact
 
For some introverts, social media and texting is a godsend. The perfect way to keep in touch from a long distance. However, some might need time away from that too. The constant connection might be an energy drain too.
 
If your introverted friend needs to go MIA for a while, let them. They’ll come back when they feel refreshed. Pestering them for contact and attention might cause them to need more time alone.
 
7. You Shouldn’t Take It Personally
 
Any introvert will tell you that alone time is essential. They crave silence and rest. It’s understandable that you might take this personally when it’s your introverted friend that’s closing down. Always remember that their isolating behavior isn’t a sign that they don’t like you. Their behavior isn’t a reflection on how they feel about you.
 
Don’t judge them as rude or cold when they don’t want to hang out. Your introverted friends just need time for themselves. If you put your emotions into the situation, you might risk pushing them away. Understand that they have needs that might not match up with your own, and that doesn’t have to affect your friendship.
 
8. You Should Encourage Them to Talk
 
You definitely shouldn’t put your introverted friends on the spot and force them to talk, but you should leave doors open for them. Introverts struggle to talk in crowds, due to nerves and typically being quieter than most.
 
In intimate settings, you could ask them questions you know they’ll want to answer. You could also leave conversation openings to them, so they can pitch in with a story when they would usually stay silent. Introverts tend to be more thoughtful than others, so there’s no telling what hidden depths you might be missing by not helping them speak.
 
9. Let Them Make the Plans
 
Usually, introverts don’t feel comfortable with spontaneity. They don’t like not knowing the plans and they don’t like leaving the plans in the hands of other people. Most of the time, if you exclude the introverts from your planning stage, or don’t have one at all, you’ll be faced with a hundred questions and a lot of negotiations. And even then, they still might be too unsure to attend.
 
Save yourself the hassle and let your introverted friends be part of the planning. If they know what to expect and what they’re comfortable with it, they’re more likely to show up.
 
10. Give Them Down-Time
 
Introverts don’t tend to crave being busy, especially if that means socializing. They don’t need to fill their time with company or excitement. It might seem strange to an extrovert, but your introverted friend is probably completely fine doing nothing for days.
 
If you want to spend time together, suggest low-intensity hangouts for you to share. Let them dictate the schedule too, sometimes they’re going to want to leave early. That doesn’t mean you have to too, they probably don’t want company anyway, but they’d appreciate your understanding.
 
If you let them enjoy time away from the spotlight and the noise, you’ll be more likely to have a happier, more engaged friend.
 
Introverts and extroverts might make a strange pairing, but that doesn’t mean they can’t form long-lasting and meaningful friendships. Introverts keep their thoughts and lives private until someone gains their trust. When you show that you understand them, you could be welcomed into their secret world of untold depths. Introverts can be very loyal and once you’ve been let in, you’ll never be out.
 
Becky Storey
 

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 19:10
Domingo, 26 / 01 / 20

Spectacular Super Snow Moon Phenomenon Not to Miss This February

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 25th, 2020.

 
 

 
The celestial beauty of the heavens wouldn’t be complete without the allure of the Super snow moon in February. You don’t want to miss it!
 
Ever since I was a small child, I would gaze into the heavens in amazement. I would reach up and try to grasp the stars in my hand. Also, I would trace the moon with my finger and yes, I did imagine the craters as little indentions on cheese.
 
 
My imagination was fueled by the beauty of the skies. I even heard the story of the man in the moon. If I looked close enough, I could make out his features. But it would be years before I learned the names of the moons according to the months, including the supermoon coming as 2020’s February full moon.
 
What Is the Super Snow Moon?
 
On February 9, 2020, our full moon will rise and be known by many people as the super snow moon. It will be bright, and illuminate deep snowfall in some areas of the world, hence the name.
 
It will also be at its perigee, meaning it will be larger than usual, this is where the “super” part of the title applies. To me, this special full moon will add warm feelings to this darkened cold and sometimes heavy time of the year.
 
There’s another fascinating fact about the special February moon, as well. Every 19 years, it doesn’t exist. That’s right, after almost two decades of February full moons, both January and March have two full moons and February is void of this magic. It sounds kind of sad, but also extremely interesting. So, every now and then, we won’t see the super snow moon, so we should enjoy its beauty when we can.
 
But on the other hand, we witness a phenomenon called the dark moon, which is just as exciting as it is ominous. The wonders of the world never cease to amaze me.
 
Here’s a secret – not everyone calls the February full moon the super snow moon. No, not at all. This moon has many names, deriving from many areas around the world.
 
For instance, the English call this full moon, the “Wolf Moon”. From long ago both in Medieval England and among Pagans, this moon was called “the storm moon”. So, although the February full moon names have similarities, they are different from region to region. In the U.S., there are numerous names for this supermoon phenomenon.
 
Native American Origins
 
So, I guess you’re wondering why the February 9th full moon is called the super snow moon, aren’t you? Well, that is because according to weather reports and the farmer’s almanac, February receives the most snowfall in the United States. Now you can see the obvious correlation.
 
However, the native Americans had many names for this deep winter moon. These names varied according to the different tribes in the U.S.
 
Many names for the February full moon:
 
1. Wishram of the Pacific Northwest
 
The native people of the Pacific Northwest called the February moon the “Shoulder to shoulder around the Fire moon” because they literally had to sit tightly side by side around the fire to stay warm.
 
2. Cherokee of the Southeast
 
The Cherokee natives considered the full moon of February the “bone moon”. This name came about because of the scarcity of food during the deep winter. Usually, the majority of nutrition came from the marrow of bones or bone broth.
 
3. Lakota of the Southwest
 
The February supermoon was also called the “Moon when the trees crack because of the cold”. Wow! Can you imagine the deep cold that inspires such a name?
 
4. Arapaho in the Mid-West
 
Natives of this area called the February full moon, “Frost sparkling in the sun” because even though February is one of the coldest months in the U.S., the snow which covers many areas seems tosparkle under the moonlight as if it was light from the sun. When observed, this kind of beauty couldn’t possibly be easily forgotten.
 
There are many other notable Native American full moon names such as the “Coyote moon”originating from the Shoshone people’s story about fox and coyote both wanting to be the moon. It’s an interesting and fanciful story. Then there is the Cree who considered the February moon, “the old moon”.
 
The list goes on and on, with most names either representing the frigid cold or the lack of food for the native people. One of the most memorable ones is “the hunger moon” because it represents the simple fact that February was a month when everyone, even though they were starving, remained strong with whatever resources they had available.
 
But, I will say that the super snow moon remains a favorite, simply because it invokes a feeling of power. Now, that’s a much better way to look at this beautiful phenomenon.
 
So, when can you see the February super snow moon?
 
 
As with all the other magnificent full moons each month, the February moon shouldn’t be missed either. The moon will be at its fullest on Sunday, February 9, 2020, at 2:34 a.m. EST.
 
If you live in the U.S., this time or any hour close to this time may be a little late or too early for some. The alternative would be to view the fullest part of the full moon as late as you can on Saturday night.
 
Use these opportunities to get great images of the super snow moon. In fact, each month, don’t miss a capture of the full moon, compare them and notice changes in position, coloration, size, and beauty.
 
It’s been a while since I lay in the grass and stared up into the heavens, but I think I might wrap uptight and lay under the super snow moon for a while, careful not to fall asleep and freeze. After all, I’ve also heard this moon represents changes as well. We’ll see!
 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 18:59
Sábado, 25 / 01 / 20

7 Micromanagement Examples in Family, Friend Circles, and the Workplace

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 24th, 2020.

 
 


 
There are so many micromanagement examples because there are so many ways this controlling behavior can be used.

Micromanaging is basically a form of control, although it can seem a bit more subtle in operation. For example, those who are guilty of micromanaging usually don’t even know they are doing this. They see their hovering or helping as just that, helping someone improve their life. They do this even when no one’s asked them to.

Why is micromanaging wrong?

This sort of behavior is wrong for several reasons. For one, you cannot control what others do. Although you may succeed in controlling behavior for a while, ultimately, people are going to do what they want.

Micromanaging doesn’t allow people to learn. Basically, it does things for them or takes away their ideas and exchanges them for what the controller thinks is a better option. Just like these people aren’t always aware of what they do, we aren’t always aware of the signs that someone we know does this either. There are ways to discover the behavior, however.

What are some micromanagement examples?

1. You would have done things differently

Here’s an example of micromanaging: No matter how someone completes a project, you see a different way that, to you, would have been better.

Not only do you see this in your mind and roll it over in your head, you tell them about it. You tell your coworker, friend, or partner, that there would have been a much better way of cleaning at work or planning a party with friends. It doesn’t matter, because you think you know what’s best.

2. You have to know everything about everything

Micromanaging also includes the nasty habit of being aware of absolutely everything.

For instance, if a mother is a micromanager when her child returns from school, she will want to know every single detail of the child’s day. From the time they got off the bus until the moment they arrived home, all this must be known because this urgency, which a micromanager usually has, can be softened.

3. Help has become control

There’s a big difference between being helpful and being controlling. If you want to help someone, whether at work or at home, that’s fine. You can offer solutions and ideas.

However, if you force someone to do things your way right from the start, you are simply being controlling. There’s no pretty way to say it. For couples, controlling behavior that comes from micromanaging can become extremely fierce.

4. You’re making huge decisions for others

There are some things that even children need to decide for themselves. One example is when a teen is nearing graduation, and they have to pick a college they wish to attend. If you micromanage, you will push your teenager toward the college that YOU prefer, not the college that pricks their interests.

Micromanaging in this area can affect the entire course of your child’s life and their dreams. Think about it. What if your child wishes to play a certain sport, and the college you push them to join doesn’t allow them to major in that sport. You could scar your child and make them think much differently about you.

5. Removing motivation when mistakes are made

One of the typical examples of micromanagement is when motivation or morale is removed due to a simple mistake. This happens so often in the workplace, for example, when someone makes a small mistake that can easily be fixed.

A supervisor who micromanages will punish the employee for the small mistake, and not even show them why the mistake was made. This kills morale, and honestly, it can cause more mistakes to be made as well. This is one of the reasons that so many people are fired from their jobs. It can be avoided by eliminating micromanaging.

6. Mothers are too protective

Did you know that if you are too protective of your child, even as a toddler, you can sow seeds of dependence on others? That’s right. Micromanaging your child, for instance, on playdates with other children, will teach the child that you will always step in to save them. It will remove responsibility as well.

Hey, trust me, I know grown men who’ve been protected in this manner and cannot take the blame for anything. Mothers, in order to not be a micromanagement example, you have to let children work through their difficulties just a bit before you and the other parents step in to help and sort things out.

7. You’re making someone feel inferior

This example can be used with work relationships, family situations, and even couples. Micromanaging in a way that you are putting yourself on a pedestal not only looks stupid, but it also makes people feel inferior. It trains them to just go along with whatever you say because they are used to doing so.

So when they do have great ideas, you will be the last one to know about, and the last one to celebrate when ideas create something great worthy of a reward.

In reality, it is just control

Just face it, you want to control everything so everything cannot control you. It’s fear at its worst. At least that’s one reason why you, the micromanager, do this. So, you know that it must stop in order to live a normal life.

If this is not you, and you’re dealing with this, always remember your worth, and keep fighting to be heard. Try to show micromanagers what they’re actually doing to you and to themselves, and maybe they will be willing to get better.

I sure do hope so.


 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 02:00
Quarta-feira, 22 / 01 / 20

How to Think Before You Speak and Why You Need to.

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 22nd, 2020.

 
How to Think Before You Speak.

 
 
Think before you speak! This age-old adage reminds us that speaking first and thinking secondcan get us into bother, be it in relationships, or even in our own opinion of ourselves. Indeed, the words we speak don’t just cause a reaction in the here and now. They can also influence how you think and how your future unfolds.
 
In this post, we will look at the reasons why you should think before you speak and the benefits you can get from taking that bit longer to blurt out what first springs to mind.
 
Why should you think before you speak?
 
As already alluded to, there are a number of reasons why we should reason on an answer before we elicit what we are thinking. Here, we outline 3 reasons why thinking before you speak is important:
 
Prevent regret
 
The Greek saying goes that ‘one word spoken in anger may spoil and entire life’. Similarly, a Senegalese proverb argues that ‘to spend the night in anger is better than to spend it repenting’.
 
Anyone who has ever sent an angry email in the heat of the moment will know the value of these words. Whilst writing an angry text or email can be therapeutic, it’s always worth sitting on it until our hot head has cooled and we can see more clearly.
 
Getting angry at someone we love, at a friend, or at a colleague is only likely to lead to regret. If we get angry at loved ones, we feel bad, at friends, we might lose their trust, and at a colleague, we might miss out on future opportunities by losing credibility. By thinking before we speak, we can increase our chances of steering clear of feelings of regret.
 
Improve your relationships (near and far)
 
It’s not just when we feel angry that we need to be careful. As our experiences of the world around us feel like life is passing by ever faster, it can be tempting to rush responses to messages, be they at work or to family.
 
Unfortunately, written text is much less nuanced than speech and a short reply sent with a light-hearted tone in mind could easily be read as a curt, cold or irritable shut down.
 
An off-and comment blurted out without thinking can be just as damaging to relationships as a misread text. If we don’t take the time and care to listen to what others are really telling us, we can either say the wrong thing or miss what is behind what’s being said. This means it is always important to be careful about how we respond to people, think about what they are saying, and respond with care.
 
Control your mind and future
 
What we say affects how we think about ourselves and the world around us. The Stanford University Professor of Psychology, Neuroscience, and symbolic systems argues this is because our subconscious minds interpret what we say, internally or externally, literally. The constant use of negative words to ourselves or others will see an altered mindset linked to the words, be they bitter, angry, judgemental, or negative.
 
On the flip side of this, research shows positive thinking can have beneficial impacts on your skills. This makes it all the more important to think before you speak, to prevent feelings of regret, improve your relationships with others, and help you keep your mind positive to open up doors for future opportunities.
 
Top tips on how to think before you speak
 
Now you know a few reasons why it is important, it’s a good idea to get to grips with how to ensure you do this. Here, we outline some handy questions to have in your mind when it comes to staying on top of thinking before speaking that make up the THANKS method to think before you speak, which breaks down as follows:
  • True
  • Helpful
  • Affirming
  • Necessary
  • Kind
  • Sincere
 
If we turn these words that make up the THANKS acronym into questions we answer before we speak, we have a quick and easy method to answer any question thoughtfully.
 
Are you going to say something that is true?
 
If we want people to trust us and value our opinion, we want to be clear about where we have gathered our information from and ensure we know what we say is true before we say it. Take the time to understand your own judgements and misjudgements.
 
Are you going to say something helpful?
 
Is what you are saying going to beneficial in some way to the person you are speaking to? A hurtful comment will not make it past this stage – helping to prevent regret.
 
Are you going to say something that is affirming for the person you are speaking to?
 
Will your words be relatable to the other person? Will they help them to empathize? Will they be inspiring for them? If you are not going to get some buy-in from the person with what you say, it’s worth giving it some more thought.
 
Are you going to say something necessary?
 
Everyone’s been trapped in a conversation they have no interest in or listening to office chat that is meaningless and off-putting. By confirming that what you plan to say is going to be useful in some way, you can prevent being the one accidentally doing this.
 
Are you going to say something kind?
 
Negative comments, be they about yourself or others, foster a negative mindset. ‘If you haven’t got something nice to say, don’t say it’, just like your parents always told you.
 
Are you going to say something that is sincere?
 
Finally, make sure you mean what you say. It’s easy to tell if someone is being fake so a final sincerity check will help you make sure you mean what you say.
 
Thinking before you speak can ensure you steer clear of regret, improve your relationships, and help you control your mind in a way that fosters a beneficial future. Try using the THANKS method to help you think before you speak and you’ll soon reap the rewards of thoughtful speaking.


 

 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 10:07
Quinta-feira, 16 / 01 / 20

7 Signs You Are an Overly Critical Person and How to Stop Being One

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 16th, 2020.

 
 

 
 
You may think that you aren’t an overly critical person until you read about it. If you are, you can learn how to stop.
 
I am an overly critical person. There, I went ahead and admitted a fact about myself. To be honest, in the last few months, I’ve realized quite a bit of unhealthy aspects of my personality. But instead of letting it drag me down, I choose to work on this issue and get better. Are you overly critical?
 
What is an overly critical person?
 
You won’t recognize that you’re criticizing and judging people until it’s been done to you, or until you start reading about the signs. You may think the way you operate is normal, and your intentions are to help others be better people.
 
But remember, every human is an individual, and criticism doesn’t change them, it shouldn’t. If anything is to be changed, it should be done by the one who wants to change. Do you see my point? Well, in case you don’t understand, read on…
 
Signs of criticizing way too much:
 
1. A negative upbringing
 
Unfortunately, so many of us were surrounded by negative people when we were children. Our mothers, our fathers, even extended family members constantly talked about other people, and judged individuals on one trait, or what they wear.
 
If you grew up listening to all this negativity, you may still think it’s normal to criticize people and judge them. Yes, this trait of being overly critical can be deep indeed.
 
2. Labeled a negative person
 
If the people who are close to you are saying that you’re negative all the time, then it might be time to evaluate yourself.
 
No, you don’t have to take everything a person says to heart, but when family and friends repeatedly tell you to stop being so judgemental, then you probably need to change that fact and try to be more positive. If you’re used to being negative, this will be hard to do, but it will be so worth it when results show.
 
3, Micromanaging is second nature
 
If someone in your household is repairing a window or cooking a meal, it will be almost impossible for you to let them do it without your help – moreover, it does not really help, it’s the fact that you will tell them all the ways they’re doing it wrong. You may even take hold of the tools or utensils and do a bit of the work to show them.
 
This is a glaring indication that you are much too critical of others and what they do.
 
4. You have a mental disorder
 
I hate mentioning this one again because it seems to be a growing issue. However, if you have a mental disorder, you may also have a problem with criticizing people. Paranoia will make youconstantly ask questions about how someone is completing a task. Anxiety will make you criticize almost everything, honestly.
 
I do this. If I don’t have consistency, then something is wrong. If someone looks shady, then I will say they’re shady. Yes, I am embarrassed to admit it, but mental illness can cause us to become extremely judgmental while we wish others weren’t so judgemental of us. So, when we fight the stigma, remember, let’s fight the judgment in ourselves as well.
 
5. Nothing is completely enjoyable
 
Do you know those people who go out and have a good time and come home smiling? Yeah, I’m not one of them. I want to be, and I want it so badly I could scream. You will recognize the overly critical person by the fact that they find something wrong with everything.
 
You could simply be going to see a movie, and they will complain about some trivial little things like too many previews. Ordinary people enjoy the movie and go home happy. No matter how fun the day is, the critical people will find the fault – we will find the crack in perfection.
 
6. You’re always moody
 
An overly critical person will always be moody, whether they have depression or not. That’s because not everyone else is doing things as you would do them.
 
For instance, a critical person can get angry because someone forgets to open the door for them. This could have been a one-time incident, but they will label it as being inconsiderate. There are so many things that moody people notice and it makes them even darker.
 
7. You complain all the time
 
A critical person will complain so much that they prepare themselves for the bad day they will have, no kidding. I got in the habit for a while of waking up and immediately wondering how someone was going to make me mad at some point during the day. I should have been thankful and thinking about all the time I had to get good things done.
 
Then when people come around, and something isn’t right, like you expected, you complain. You complain if you get too much attention, you complain if you aren’t, you complain if it rains, you complain if it stays dry and hot. No matter how wonderful the day is, a constant critical person will make it tarnished.
How do we stop this?
 
So, since I do this too, we gotta learn to stop together, right? I’ve been reading up on some material that’s starting to help me with this problem. If that critical thinking is deep-rooted in childhood, then when you start thinking that way, remember where it comes from and say a resounding “NO!”
 
What this does is it reminds you that you are not your ancestors, and you can see the world in a different way.
 
If you suffer from a mental disorder, then working with your therapist and telling them ALL the truth about your day will help them find ways to turn your thought process around. It’s all about your mindset.
 
I’ve learned that. You see, you’ve set your mind to bad, and gradually, with small steps, you can set it to good. Instead of saying, “Oh god, I wonder what crap I will have to put up with the day.”, say,“Oh, I am so excited to start this new day!”
 
For the complainers, practice finding at least one good thing about the person you’re criticizing. For the ones who criticize even their fun times, try to only have fun and ignore those pestering thoughts telling you that the drive was too long, or the bathrooms were too dirty.
 
It’s all about practice, you see. It’s bettering yourself a little bit every day. If you fail, just try again. Don’t let others’ negative remarks spark your negativity. Return a negative comment with a nice one. It will startle them and they will get confused. I’ve been doing this lately.

 

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com
 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 18:45
Terça-feira, 14 / 01 / 20

4 Signs of a Micromanaging Boss and What to Do If You Have One

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 11th, 2020.

 
micromanaging boss.

 
 
 

 
The day to day grind of working in an office can lead one to think that their experience is the norm. However, having a manager that monitors everything and a lack of freedom at work can harm both your performance and well-being. In this post, we explore the 4 signs that you have a micromanaging boss and what you can do to deal with them.
 
What does it mean to micromanage?
 
The practice of micromanagement isn’t restricted to the workplace. However, this is where micromanagers are often found.
 
Micromanagement refers to exerting excessive control over a person or a situation. This can occur within a social context, at work, or even in relationships. An obsession over the minute detail over what someone is doing, rather than looking at the bigger picture is a key characteristic of someone who micromanages.
 
Sometimes, micromanagement can take on a bullying persona where one person attempts to completely control and influence the actions and behavior of another. If this sounds all too familiar, then it may be that your boss is micromanaging you.
 
In the next section, we look at some of the familiar traits of a micromanager in the workplace.
 
4 signs that your boss is micromanaging you
 
1. Your freedom is restricted
 
Do you feel like your boss is constantly looking over your shoulder? Or that you have to run everything (even small things) by them first? Feeling a lack of freedom in your job is a sure sign that you have a micromanaging boss.
 
Good managers trust their staff, as they recognize that they are qualified for the role they are undertaking. A boss that is partial to micromanagement does not feel this trust and doesn’t allow their employees to make decisions for themselves.
 
Autonomy at work is an important means of keeping you interested in your job as it gives you room to be creative. Feeling trusted to make decisions is also essential in a work environment to ensure you feel valued and empowered.
 
2. Your boss is reluctant to give you training
 
Another indication that you have a micromanaging boss is if they’re reluctant for you to undertake any training or development opportunities. This comes from the fear that through upskilling their staff, they will decrease their own value and importance. This aspect of being micromanaged can feel particularly restrictive as it makes it difficult to progress in your career.
 
So, if you’ve noticed your manager won’t share their knowledge with you or brushes over training opportunities, it is likely they are guilty of micromanaging.
 
3. They can’t see the big picture
 
Part of being a good manager comes from being able to see the bigger picture and trusting that their employees have their individual tasks in hand.
 
A micromanager, however, is unable to do this. They are obsessed with the minute detail within projects. This means that instead of being free to just ‘get on with it’ you’re constantly forced to update your boss on what you’re doing.
 
This could be in the form of regular reports, constant team meetings to feedback on progress, or a persistent email thread that feels incredibly unproductive. It can feel like you spend most of your time updating your boss on what you’re doing rather than actually doing the work itself.
 
If this sounds like your experience, then it’s likely your boss is micromanaging the work you do.
 
4. They don’t like to delegate
 
Another trait of a micromanaging boss is that they don’t like to delegate. All of the points above ring true of a person who lacks faith in others, and this aspect of micromanagement is no different.
 
A micromanaging manager will often refuse to pass on important tasks to their team as they feel they are the only ones qualified to undertake them. This can lead to an overwhelming workload for them, and a feeling of discontent amongst other team members.
 
Difficulties in delegating can also lead to unnecessary delays and projects that feel like they are never-ending.
 
How to deal with a micromanaging boss?
 
Unsurprisingly, showing a lack of faith in the team, a refusal to help team members develop, and the refusal to delegate leads to an unsatisfactory work life for those under the leadership of a micromanager. However, it doesn’t have to be like this. Here are some tips on how to deal with your micromanaging boss.
 
1. Be honest
 
It can seem daunting to criticize the behavior of your manager. However, it may be that they don’t realize the impact that their micromanaging is having.
 
Next time you have a one-to-one scheduled, prepare what you want to say to your manager and write down some examples of when their micromanaging has gone too far. Highlight how their managing style is impacting on your ability to do your job and your well-being at work. An open and honest conversation can feel scary beforehand, but the benefits are likely to be well worth it.
 
2. Be one step ahead of them
 
If you’ve been working under a micromanager for a while, you can no doubt anticipate when and what they are planning to ask you. By anticipating this beforehand you can provide the answers to their questions before they have the chance to breathe over your shoulder.
 
This could be in the form of an email at the start or end of the week to update them on any progress. In showing them that you’re fully on top of things, it may give them the confidence to give you the space you need.
Final Words
 
Handling a micromanaging boss can feel like a job in itself. It can mean that you feel incredibly restricted in your work and affect your happiness in your job.
 
Opening up to your manager that their managing style is not working for you can feel like a huge hurdle to jump over. However, it can lead to a much-needed discussion around how you can best work together to make the work environment a happy and productive place.
 
References:

  1. https://www.rd.com
  2. https://www.forbes.com

 

 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 20:58
Segunda-feira, 13 / 01 / 20

How Can We Strengthen Love And Relationships In Tough Planetary Times?

By Guest Writer Issy Lovett.

prepareforchange.net/.

Posted January 11, 2020 by Edward Morgan.

 
.

 

 
Life-changing world events that occurred in 2019, including natural disasters (think the Alabama Tornado), shootings in schools, and terrorist attacks across the globe, have placed many people across the globe in ‘fight or flight’ mode. Indeed, according to a Gallup poll, in a country like the U.S., around 55% of people say they experience stress frequently throughout the day, and one of the top sources of stress is worry about the political situation/the state of the nation. At the same time, the millennial generation, which will soon be the largest population group in many parts of the world, is counteracting tension, segregation and hatred with love. As found by Harvard scientists Professors Casper ter Kuille and Angie Thurston, millennials may be turning away from organized religions, but they are keener than ever on feeling like part of something larger than themselves. Spirituality, for them, is the bridge that leads to planetary union, but it is just one of many means to reach a place of love and unity, despite the disparate and violent forces that threaten their health and happiness.
 

Self-Love Is Guilt-Free In The New Millennium

When Whitney Houston sang that “learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all,” she pointed to what were only the beginnings of the movement of self-compassion that is so important if we are to give our best selves to others and survive the sometimes-hostile world. A Duke University study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that your ability to survive tough events (think hostile world, and local and personal events) depends directly on how kindly you treat yourself. “Self-compassion helps to eliminate a lot of the anger, depression and pain we experience when things go badly,” said Mark R Leary, lead researcher. 
 

What Does Self-Compassion Involve?

Self-compassion rests on three main pillars: understanding instead of criticizing yourself, common humanity (understanding that you are part of this great planet) and mindful acceptance (recognizing and accepting difficult feelings and ‘riding through them’, knowing they are not permanent and they do not define you. Self-compassion helps you react less strongly to hostility, to accept responsibility where it is due, and to buffer yourself against negative events. When you are self-compassionate, your happiness does not depend on specific outcomes or achievements.
 

Unexpected Connections

Once you feel happy within your own skin and you have mastered the art of self-acceptance, it is time to bring your most loving, supportive self to others. The Harvard scientists mentioned above report that millennials are finding rich, meaningful connections in very different places than their parents or grandparents used to. Professor ter Kuille has conducted extensive research into millennial spirituality, finding that “Two-thirds believe in God or a universal spirit, and one in five even pray every day.” What has changed isn’t necessarily belief. Rather, it is where people congregate. Today, millennials are consistently “creating new forms of community that fulfil the role that traditional churches used to.” His findings indicate that one vital way to counteract planetary division, negativity and violence, is to create communities based on support, union and love. There are many ways that you can do this; one way is by starting up a group centered around your hobby. Whether stress-busting nature walks, intense hot yoga sessions, or upbeat spin classes are your thing, take time to stop and talk to the people you see regularly in class. Find out who they are and why they are there; see what you have in common and support and encourage them to do their best. Little by little, your little spin class can turn into a friendship group in which each member supports, cares for, and looks forward to seeing, their little ‘family’.
 

Kindness And Those You Already Love

It is, of course, important to share love with those who have always been there for your – your work colleagues, family and old friends. In order to make your gestures truly count, try to speak to them in their chosen ‘love language’. According to best-selling author Gary Chapman, there are five languages in total: acts of service, words of affirmation or appreciation, quality time, touch, and gift-giving. If your loved ones enjoy giving gifts, this does not make them materialistic, since gifts can be small but symbolic. Whatever you do gift others, make sure it is meaningful. If you have an upcoming anniversary, for instance, show your spouse or partner you care by looking up the list of wedding gifts by year. These indicate that the first year is paper, the third is leather, the sixth is iron, and so forth. For an iron anniversary present, definitely forego a kitchen pan! Go for something symbolic like a wrought iron heart, a carved flower figure, or a decorative piece that represents the strength of your love.
 

Paying It Forward

Once you are strong within yourself and you have built a loving social circle, you are ready to counter-balance world hostility by making positive changes. The ‘pay it forward’ movement involves doing one kind act to someone you may not necessarily know. The key is that you should give it without return, only asking the recipient to ‘pay it forward’ and exert an act of kindness on somebody else. The ripple effect can be powerful; in fact, it can cause a tidal wave of positive thought and belief systems that inspire the kind of change the world so desperately needs.
 
The world can be a tough and unforgiving place, but while you are alive, why not make the world better and celebrate yourself and others? It all begins with loving yourself and being non-judgmental. Once you realize that the human condition is common to everyone, you can build and strengthen ties with others. Finally, paying it forward to someone you don’t know but are inexorably united with is the ultimate act of positive change.

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 05:24
Segunda-feira, 13 / 01 / 20

Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness and How to Do It

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

January 10, 2020

 



 
 
I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all been wronged in some way. Whether it’s a nasty break-up, betrayal by a friend, or an old school bully, once we hold a grudge against them, it’s hard to let go. Letting go of grudges is good for our health, but it’s hard to do.
 
We say we’ve forgiven, but we don’t forget. Sometimes, a grudge can last a lifetime. It’s time to start letting go of the grudges we hold and start fresh with a healthier new outlook.
 
 
We hold grudges for a whole host of reasons. Psychologists have suggested that we use grudges to define ourselves and excuse our bad behavior. We write off our coldness, mistrust and sometimes plain rudeness, as the result of past hurt.
 
Some suggest that we are holding grudges as a subconscious way to get sympathy and extra kindnessthat we didn’t get initially. This is especially true with victims of school-aged bullies. At the time, there was little support for the hardship. As an adult, if we tell our stories, others will feel bad for us. We hold onto our grudges towards these bullies, so we can keep re-telling the story.
 
While those reasons might require more intensive thought, some other reasons can be more superficial. We might consider holding a grudge to be a form of revenge. Never letting go of the grudge means never letting the offender get away with their crimes.
 
The reality is, those who wronged you probably aren’t even aware of your reserved hostility, or even worse, they don’t care. Instead of holding onto this pain, perhaps it’s time to work on letting go of these grudges.
 
Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness
 
They Serve No Purpose
 
If psychologists are correct in their theories on holding grudges, then we can see that the reasons are never beneficial. Holding onto the anger or pain won’t help us to heal from the hurt. It won’t undo the damage done in the past.
 
Grudges won’t serve as a kind of revenge. Even if the offender is begging for forgiveness, there is no benefit to YOU by never letting go of the grudge.
 
They’re Bad for Your Health
 
A number of studies have shown that holding onto grudges can cause a serious decline in health. Having a grudge to carry with you means you’re repeatedly becoming angry every time the memory comes to your mind. We certainly all know by now that anger has a negative effect on our health. Constantly recurring anger is dangerous.
 
Anger, and in turn holding grudges, can lead to increases in heart rate and blood pressure. When we’re angered, our body’s stress response is triggered, leading to a whole host of unhealthy chemical reactions inside us. If you want to keep your body healthy and safe, you’d better start letting go of some grudges.
 
They Consume Us
 
Grudges are just pain that we carry with us everywhere. As well as the toll they take on our psychical body, they also have negative impacts on our mental health too. Negative thoughts take over from positive ones usually. They consume more of our time and fill our minds with a negative voice.
 
Overthinking the causes, possible solutions, and the revenge you crave will make it harder for your brain to function. Your usually clear thinking will be swallowed whole by the anger and frustration you let ruminate in your mind all day.
 
Not letting go of your grudges will lead to anger, mistrust, and resentment leaking out into your current life. Your personal relationships will suffer. Your career will suffer. Progression can only happen when you untie yourself from the past.
 
How to Start Letting Go of Grudges
 
Take Charge of Your Needs
 
Instead of letting the hurt swirl around your mind all day and night, try going after what you really need to solve this problem. Depending on the length of your grudge and the situation you’re in, talking it out might not be an option.
 
Instead, try talking to yourself. If you can’t get closure, then you have to close the door yourself. This might be easier said than done, but it is possible. Remind yourself of what you’re losing by being angry so often. Notice how little you’re gaining.
 
If you are in a position to talk to the person who hurt you, then do. Be confident in yourself and your needs. Sometimes, you need closure for your wellbeing.
 
Tell this person how hurt you were by what they did and explain that it’s still chipping away at you. If they respond in kind, open up a dialogue. If they don’t, know your pain and this person were never worth it. Let go of this grudge.
 
Embrace Your Mental Strength
 
You can’t change the past. You can’t make the person who hurt you feel guilty. You can, however, change your own thinking. It’s time to get in touch with your own thoughts and slow them down when you feel angry.
 
Remember that your brain was able to create this pain, so it’s able to let it go too. Letting go of grudges is entirely down to you. It’s not going to be easy but letting go can be a choice. You can choose not to hate, or feel anger, anymore.
 
When the frustrated thoughts occur to you, breathe them out. Remind yourself that this person has no power, only you do. No more letting this person win, especially if they’re already out of your life.
 
Distract yourself when these thoughts occur and forbid yourself from dwelling on them. No more obsessing, no more giving any of your precious time to this person who did you wrong.
 
See It from Their Side
 
It might be tough, even painful to do, but sometimes it can be helpful to put yourself in their shoes. Understand what happened in the beginning from a neutral point of view and wonder about how you would have reacted from their side.
 
Remember, we have all done wrong in our lives. We’ve all caused hurt in some way, it’s almost guaranteed. We are flawed, and that’s okay. Don’t place yourself on such a high pedestal that you can never forgive others’ mistakes.
 
It’s also important to understand that a person rarely has malicious intentions when they hurt us, they just acted thoughtlessly or inconsiderately towards our feelings. Rarely are our offenders genuinely evil. Their behavior may have been wrong but trying to connect with the reasons behind their actions might help you find solace.
 
Find the Root Cause
 
Most of the time, when we’re having trouble letting go of a grudge, there’s a deeper cause that we’re missing. This pain we carry tends to reflect a deep value that we hold that has been violated.
 
It can be beneficial to learn why this matter hurts you so much. Once you understand what fundamental moral of yours has been violated, you can start letting go of this grudge. Deep dive into why this moral is so important.
 
Most importantly, if you feel that something essential to you has been violated, then you know this person doesn’t belong in your life or mind. They don’t deserve your thoughts, because, in the end, their choices do not line up with your beliefs and values.
 
Letting go of grudges can be hard, but holding on is dangerous. Allow yourself to release the past. Be optimistic about your future, without bearing the weight of an ancient grudge. You’ll be surprised to see just how prosperous you can be when your mind is free from the torture that is on-going anger.
 
 
References:
  1. https://www.usnews.com
  2. https://journals.sagepub.com
  3. https://www.psychologytoday.com
 

Becky Storey
 

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com

 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 
 
publicado por achama às 05:00
Sábado, 11 / 01 / 20

Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness and How to Do It

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

January 10, 2020

 



 

 
I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all been wronged in some way. Whether it’s a nasty break-up, betrayal by a friend, or an old school bully, once we hold a grudge against them, it’s hard to let go. Letting go of grudges is good for our health, but it’s hard to do.
 
We say we’ve forgiven, but we don’t forget. Sometimes, a grudge can last a lifetime. It’s time to start letting go of the grudges we hold and start fresh with a healthier new outlook.
 
 
We hold grudges for a whole host of reasons. Psychologists have suggested that we use grudges to define ourselves and excuse our bad behavior. We write off our coldness, mistrust and sometimes plain rudeness, as the result of past hurt.
 
Some suggest that we are holding grudges as a subconscious way to get sympathy and extra kindnessthat we didn’t get initially. This is especially true with victims of school-aged bullies. At the time, there was little support for the hardship. As an adult, if we tell our stories, others will feel bad for us. We hold onto our grudges towards these bullies, so we can keep re-telling the story.
 
While those reasons might require more intensive thought, some other reasons can be more superficial. We might consider holding a grudge to be a form of revenge. Never letting go of the grudge means never letting the offender get away with their crimes.
 
The reality is, those who wronged you probably aren’t even aware of your reserved hostility, or even worse, they don’t care. Instead of holding onto this pain, perhaps it’s time to work on letting go of these grudges.
 
Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness
 
They Serve No Purpose
 
If psychologists are correct in their theories on holding grudges, then we can see that the reasons are never beneficial. Holding onto the anger or pain won’t help us to heal from the hurt. It won’t undo the damage done in the past.
 
Grudges won’t serve as a kind of revenge. Even if the offender is begging for forgiveness, there is no benefit to YOU by never letting go of the grudge.
 
They’re Bad for Your Health
 
A number of studies have shown that holding onto grudges can cause a serious decline in health. Having a grudge to carry with you means you’re repeatedly becoming angry every time the memory comes to your mind. We certainly all know by now that anger has a negative effect on our health. Constantly recurring anger is dangerous.
 
Anger, and in turn holding grudges, can lead to increases in heart rate and blood pressure. When we’re angered, our body’s stress response is triggered, leading to a whole host of unhealthy chemical reactions inside us. If you want to keep your body healthy and safe, you’d better start letting go of some grudges.
 
They Consume Us
 
Grudges are just pain that we carry with us everywhere. As well as the toll they take on our psychical body, they also have negative impacts on our mental health too. Negative thoughts take over from positive ones usually. They consume more of our time and fill our minds with a negative voice.
 
Overthinking the causes, possible solutions, and the revenge you crave will make it harder for your brain to function. Your usually clear thinking will be swallowed whole by the anger and frustration you let ruminate in your mind all day.
 
Not letting go of your grudges will lead to anger, mistrust, and resentment leaking out into your current life. Your personal relationships will suffer. Your career will suffer. Progression can only happen when you untie yourself from the past.
 
How to Start Letting Go of Grudges
 
Take Charge of Your Needs
 
Instead of letting the hurt swirl around your mind all day and night, try going after what you really need to solve this problem. Depending on the length of your grudge and the situation you’re in, talking it out might not be an option.
 
Instead, try talking to yourself. If you can’t get closure, then you have to close the door yourself. This might be easier said than done, but it is possible. Remind yourself of what you’re losing by being angry so often. Notice how little you’re gaining.
 
If you are in a position to talk to the person who hurt you, then do. Be confident in yourself and your needs. Sometimes, you need closure for your wellbeing.
 
Tell this person how hurt you were by what they did and explain that it’s still chipping away at you. If they respond in kind, open up a dialogue. If they don’t, know your pain and this person were never worth it. Let go of this grudge.
 
Embrace Your Mental Strength
 
You can’t change the past. You can’t make the person who hurt you feel guilty. You can, however, change your own thinking. It’s time to get in touch with your own thoughts and slow them down when you feel angry.
 
Remember that your brain was able to create this pain, so it’s able to let it go too. Letting go of grudges is entirely down to you. It’s not going to be easy but letting go can be a choice. You can choose not to hate, or feel anger, anymore.
 
When the frustrated thoughts occur to you, breathe them out. Remind yourself that this person has no power, only you do. No more letting this person win, especially if they’re already out of your life.
 
Distract yourself when these thoughts occur and forbid yourself from dwelling on them. No more obsessing, no more giving any of your precious time to this person who did you wrong.
 
See It from Their Side
 
It might be tough, even painful to do, but sometimes it can be helpful to put yourself in their shoes. Understand what happened in the beginning from a neutral point of view and wonder about how you would have reacted from their side.
 
Remember, we have all done wrong in our lives. We’ve all caused hurt in some way, it’s almost guaranteed. We are flawed, and that’s okay. Don’t place yourself on such a high pedestal that you can never forgive others’ mistakes.
 
It’s also important to understand that a person rarely has malicious intentions when they hurt us, they just acted thoughtlessly or inconsiderately towards our feelings. Rarely are our offenders genuinely evil. Their behavior may have been wrong but trying to connect with the reasons behind their actions might help you find solace.
 
Find the Root Cause
 
Most of the time, when we’re having trouble letting go of a grudge, there’s a deeper cause that we’re missing. This pain we carry tends to reflect a deep value that we hold that has been violated.
 
It can be beneficial to learn why this matter hurts you so much. Once you understand what fundamental moral of yours has been violated, you can start letting go of this grudge. Deep dive into why this moral is so important.
 
Most importantly, if you feel that something essential to you has been violated, then you know this person doesn’t belong in your life or mind. They don’t deserve your thoughts, because, in the end, their choices do not line up with your beliefs and values.
 
Letting go of grudges can be hard, but holding on is dangerous. Allow yourself to release the past. Be optimistic about your future, without bearing the weight of an ancient grudge. You’ll be surprised to see just how prosperous you can be when your mind is free from the torture that is on-going anger.
 
 

References:
  1. https://www.usnews.com
  2. https://journals.sagepub.com
  3. https://www.psychologytoday.com
 

Becky Storey
 

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com

 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 
 
publicado por achama às 08:53
Sábado, 28 / 12 / 19

20 Signs of a Narcissistic Perfectionist Who Is Poisoning Your Life

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

December 27th, 2019.

 
Narcissistic Perfectionist signs.
 
 
 
Psychological terms such as narcissism and perfectionist have been around for decades. We understand their character traits, even if we don’t possess them ourselves. But what happens when the two collide? Is there such a thing as a narcissistic perfectionist? And if so, what impact does it have on a person’s life?
 
Understanding the Narcissistic Perfectionist
 
It is easy to explain this kind of person. We simply break down the two components of their personality.
 
 
So, we know that narcissists, as well as putting themselves first, have the following character traits:
 
Narcissists:
  • A grandiose sense of self
  • A sense of entitlement
  • They think they are special and unique
 
On the other hand, perfectionists set themselves impossibly high standards.
 
Perfectionists:
  • Strive for flawless performance
  • They will work tirelessly, be extremely self-critical.
  • Some will have a tendency to procrastinate.
 
Now, it’s not quite as simple as putting these two character traits together. This is because the narcissist who is also a perfectionist projects their perfectionism onto other people, not themselves. This is the difference between a perfectionist and a person with narcissistic traits.
 
The narcissistic perfectionist sets these unrealistic goals and targets for other people. Furthermore, they get angry and hostile if they don’t reach these impossible goals.
 
Dr. Simon Sherry is a clinical psychologist and an associate professor. He works in the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience.
 
 
“Narcissistic perfectionists have a need for other people to satisfy their unreasonable expectations… And if you don’t, they get angry.” Dr. Simon Sherry
 
Studies into This Type of Personality
 
Studies included researching the biographies of famous CEOs with narcissistic perfectionism. Employees reported their bosses lashing out at them for very minor mistakes. They would be held in high-esteem one minute then go from ‘hero to zero’ the next.
 
 
In addition, employees would be routinely derogated in front of co-workers. The CEOs would be hyper-critical, to the point of outright hostility.
 
So why is this combination so lethal?
 
“But high expectations paired with feelings of grandiosity and entitlement to the perfect performance of others creates a much more negative combination.” Dr. Simon Sherry
 
So far we have talked about top CEOs, but what about in everyday life? What if the perfectionist narcissist is a member of your own family?
 
Logan Nealis is a Clinical Psychology Ph.D. student. He is working with the Personality Research Team.
 
 
“A narcissistic perfectionist parent demands perfect performance from his daughter on the hockey rink, but not necessarily from anyone else out there.” Logan Nealis
 
But it’s not just about demanding perfection from people around them. It is also about basking in the glow of success through the perfection achieved by those around them. The narcissist can say, through these perfect achievements, ‘Look how good I am!’
Typical Behaviors of a Narcissistic Perfectionist
 
So how can you spot someone with narcissistic perfectionist tendencies? According to recent studies, there are several major red flags:
 
“Our most consistent finding across the two studies is that narcissistic perfectionism is associated with social negativity in the form of anger, derogation, conflict and hostility,” explains Dr. Sherry.
 
This social negativity goes hand-in-hand with the narcissist’s sense of superiority. So they won’t just take the time to critically humiliate you. In fact, they’ll do all of that whilst maintaining this sense that they are better than you.
 
The narcissist who also believes in perfectionism will react in violent and hostile outbursts. These outbursts will be a complete over-reaction to the mistake in question. For example, imagine that you have made one very small spelling error on a document. The narcissist perfectionist boss would drag you out in front of your co-workers, shout and scream at you and sack you on the spot.
 
Also, don’t forget, any errors will never be the narcissist’s fault. It is inconceivable to them that they might be wrong or the mistake is theirs. This black and white thinking just adds to the problem.
 
“In the world view of a narcissistic perfectionist, the problem exists outside of themselves. It’s the co-worker, it’s the spouse, it’s the roommate.” Dr Sherry
 
20 Signs Someone You Know Is a Narcissistic Perfectionist
 
  1. Many of us work for bosses that demand perfection. But what’s the difference between someone who wants the best work from you, or the narcissist who just happens to be a perfectionist too? And what about family and friends? Do you recognise any of the following signs?
  2. They set impossible demands/targets/goals
  3. These goals are for everyone else, not themselves
  4. They react inappropriately when something does not go their way
  5. You are always walking on eggshells around them
  6. You never know how they are going to react
  7. They are hyper-critical in everything you do
  8. Everything you do is up for criticism
  9. The rules apply to you but not to them
  10. They can bend the rules, but you never can
  11. They get impatient with you
  12. They demand great things from you
  13. You can’t ever be yourself around them
  14. You’re afraid of them
  15. They’re unprofessional at work
  16. They expect too much from you
  17. You’re not allowed to offer ‘excuses’
  18. It’s never their fault
  19. They are always right
  20. They don’t want to hear explanations
  21. If you make a mistake, they get hostile and angry
 
You might recognise some of the above signs. They may apply to a boss, a partner, a friend or a family member. Dealing with the narcissistic perfectionist in your life depends on the circumstances. If it is your boss, there might not be much you can do apart from seeking alternative employment.
 
For personal relationships, however, Dr. Sherry believes that getting the person to understand the impact of their behaviour is the way forward. Typically, the narcissist will not seek treatment. They may do it only in the end stages when their marriage has failed, or they have lost a company for example.
 
Final Thoughts
 
It is extremely difficult to change the mindset of a narcissist, particularly one with perfectionist traits. Sometimes the only thing you can do is leave, for your own sanity.
  1. medicalxpress.com
  2. www.sciencedaily.com
  3. www.researchgate.net
 

 
Janey Davies

 





About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
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All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

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publicado por achama às 06:17
Quinta-feira, 19 / 12 / 19

What Is Empathy, What Are the Types and Why Do We Need It?

By Valerie Soleil.

learning-mind.com.

Posted December 18th, 2019. 

 




 
“I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.” – Maya Angelou
 
 
The term empathy was first introduced to the English language by American psychologist E.B. Titchener. He coined the term after translating the German counterpart “Einfühlung”. However, he was referring to the phenomena of motor mimicry. This is where someone is directing mimicking another’s actions.
 
What Is Empathy?
 
The term we know and use today is very different. Empathy can be tricky to define since it covers a broad area. While it is hard to define, many can agree on one common opinion; it is an automatic mental response to someone else’s actions, thought process, or emotions.
 
Simply put, empathy is the ability to fully comprehend or experience other people’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Ever heard the phrase “walk a mile in someone’s shoes”? This is referring to empathy.
 
What Is the Difference Between Sympathy and Empathy?
 
These terms are different in reality, however, they are often used interchangeably in speech.
 
Although they seem very similar, there is a very clear distinction between empathy and sympathy. Sympathy is when you share the feelings of another person which can relate to feelings and emotions.
 
“A distinction is maintained between self and other. Sympathy involves the experience of being moved by, or responding in tune with, another person.” – Hodges and Myers
 
Empathy is when you fully understand the feelings of another but do not always share or feel them. However, sometimes empathy can lead to shared feelings and emotions.
 
“Empathy is often defined as understanding another person’s experience by imagining oneself in that other person’s situation: One understands the other person’s experience as if it were being experienced by the self, but without the self actually experiencing it.” – Hodges and Myers
 
What Is the Difference Between Empathy and Empaths?
 
Empathy is the ability to read and appreciate another person. It can be a tough situation they are going through or simply understanding their points of view in a conversation. At times you can feel their emotions, but this isn’t always the case.
 
Empaths are susceptibly emotional people. They experience high levels of understanding when it comes to reading another person’s emotional state of being. As a consequence, this usually translates into directly sharing the emotions of someone else.
 
Their intense empathy creates a shared emotional understanding. Where an empath strongly feels the emotions of people around them, this can be a one on one experience or in a large crowd. Many people who are empaths are unaware. They simply accept that they are sensitive to the energy around them. Or that they feel more emotions than the average person.
 
Empaths can tune into another living being’s experience intuitively, whether they know they are doing so or not. Some empaths can even experience the energy of all living things like plants and animals.
 
It sounds cool being an empath. However, people who do not understand it are left feeling drained, or over-energized. All without even realizing what happened. However, if you learn to accept your over-emotional empathic energy, you can manage or even harness it.

  • What Are the Types of Empathy?
  • Cognitive Empathy
  • Emotional Empathy
  • Compassionate Empathy

 
There are three different types of empathy. Some people are better at understanding one type. However, you can develop all three. If you can you are on your way to becoming an emotionally intelligent human being.
 
A person high in perspective-taking may be good at understanding others’ points of view. Yet they might be prone to emotional cues. Or, an emotionally developed person could be good at experiencing emotional states.
 
Usually, we can all appreciate each type on some level. The key is to keep an open mind when communicating. Then you can deeply relate to another person.
 
Cognitive Empathy
 
Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand someone’s thought process. It makes us better communicators. This is because it helps us recognize the best way to communicate. In addition, we can relate to someone in their own words, so to speak.
 
This refers to the ability to comprehend what a person might be thinking on a level others cannot. You can develop this level of empathy by simply asking the question “What is the other person going through? How are they thinking in this situation”?
 
This type can be a huge advantage. Especially when you find yourself needing to “get inside another person’s head”. This trait is perfect for leadership roles, undergoing negotiations, or trying to manage a large group. However, those who react purely with this type can seem cold or unattached since it does not invoke feelings or emotions.
 
Emotional Empathy
 
This is affective empathy. It is the ability to share the feelings of someone else. This type helps you build emotional relationships with others. This refers to the ability to recognize the feelings of another person through an emotional connection. It answers the question: “How does the other person feel?”
 
Have you ever been watching a sad movie and found yourself crying? This is the most basic example of emotional empathy. Most of us have this emotional capacity on some level. However, it can be challenging to speak to a person you might not like very much and still be able to feel emotional empathy for them.
 
Emotional empathy is wonderful but like anything, it can have its downside. One downside of this type occurs when people lack the ability to manage their own emotions as well as the overwhelming amount of emotions they feel when communicating with other people. It can lead to a feeling of burn out and exhaustion.
 
Compassionate Empathy
 
This is empathic concern. This usually is the most intense version of empathy. Actually, it goes far beyond simply feeling or understanding the emotions of others. This is usually what drives people to volunteer, take action or help all living beings in any way possible.
 
Have you have ever experienced the real agony of seeing an animal on the street, or a child being abused and felt this strong urge to do something? This is compassionate empathy. The main question asked is: “What can I do to help?”
 
This particular kind uses your emotional intelligence to help a situation. It invokes not only an emotional response but also intellectual problem-solving.
 
This type is so vital, especially in today’s society. This is because it involvesaction. Typically invoking the first two types of empathy as well. If you can truly understand and share the feelings of another being, you can help them on a deeper level.
 
Why Do We Experience Empathy?
 
Now let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of why we have the capability of empathy in the first place. We have something called “mirror neurons”. These fire when animals or humans observe and experience emotion in others. This was a huge breakthrough in the field of neuroscience. In fact, it gave us a great understanding of why we feel empathy.
 
Empathy is an adaptation that we essentially needed to evolve. Evolution teaches us that specialized neurobiological mechanisms in the prefrontal cortex have evolved in humans. They not only perceive but also predict and respond accordingly. This is why different types exist. But also why we need to be able to comprehend and utilize all three of them.
 
Why Do We Need It?
 
“When you show deep empathy toward others, their defence energy goes down and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.”- Stephen Covey
 
Try this experiment the next time you are stuck in traffic or waiting in line for something. Take a serious look at the people around you and imagine who they might be, what kind of lives do they live? What they might be thinking at this very moment? Are they frustrated? Happy? Bored? Try to really consider the state of this person. This will help put yourself in their shoes and will help to develop empathy.
 
Empathy is very important when it comes to building genuine relationships with others. Start with your family or significant other. Because if you can’t connect with the most important people in your life, then who can you connect with?
 
Empathy from a global perspective is so crucial. In society, we are often taught to look out for number one, pursue our own goals, whatever the cost might be. And yes, self-care and goals are important. However, we need to stop looking at ourselves as separate from others. We should start looking at ourselves as one. Because after all, we are all the same at the end of the day. Each person experiences the same struggles, joys, pain, and love that we do.
 
Empathy is what pushes people to help when there are major disasters. Ordinary people are willing to help strangers. Not only because they feel a profound level of compassion towards them. But also because they know if the roles were reversed, others would help them. Without it, the world would be a much darker place to live.
 
 
Empathy is so significant for human connection. Likewise, human connections are what contribute to a happy, healthy life. It really does make the world go ‘round.
 
How to Be More Empathetic in Relationships
 
The key factors to empathic interactions are listening and understanding.
 
Most of us have this terrible habit of talking at people instead of actually talking to them. We say our piece and for us, the conversation is over. Then, while the other person is speaking, we are already thinking about what we want to say next instead of listening to what is coming out of their mouths.
 
Actively listening means that you are trying not to judge the other person. You are actually listening without interrupting or formulating a response.
 
Healthy relationships require patience, nurturing and thoughtfulness. A relationship that lacks empathy typically won’t last. This is because both sides aren’t receiving what they truly need. When people only think of their own interests, they have nothing else to offer another person.
 
By striving to understand someone’s needs you can build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. This is so important when building a romantic relationship with a partner.
 
 
The workplace may be one of the most difficult places for empathetic relationships to develop. Mainly as many people tend to separate their personal feelings from the workplace. However, a successful work environment usually requires teamwork. So, it’s important to utilize empathy in the workplace. Without it, it’s much easier to fall into disagreements. In the long run, this can make a workplace a very hostile place to be.
 
This can also be applied to managing others. Bosses who lack empathy are likely to have miserable employees. In addition, their work will suffer because of it. It has been proven that people work better from praise and acknowledgements then they do from fear and punishment.
 
By actively practising empathy in the workplace, we can inspire others to work harder. Only then can they can contribute their unique needs and talents.
 
Teaching empathy is so important in early childhood. Especially when responding to a child’s needs and emotions. Children continue to develop empathy when they see their parents or caregivers practising it. This is because children mimic not only actions but also feelings and emotions from the people around them.
 
This is a very common trait that sociopaths lack. They never learned to develop empathy or solid relationships at a young age. As a result, they lack the ability to develop it later in life.
 
Final Thoughts
 
Self-awareness and a non-judgmental attitude are needed before you can properly empathize with someone else. Look within yourself and find the strength to understand we are all connected. It doesn’t matter what is on the outside. At the core, every person is experiencing life in a similar way.
 
Empathy can not only strengthen your relationships but it will genuinely make you a better human being. One who leads a happy productive life.
 
References:

Valerie Soleil


 



 
About the Author: Valerie Soleil


Valerie Soleil is a writer with over 5 years of experience and holds a bachelor degree in law and a B.A. in Psychology. She is a physical & mental health enthusiast who constantly expands her knowledge about the mysteries of the human body and mind. Some of the activities Valerie is particularly passionate about are traveling and reading because they help her broaden her horizons.
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 



 

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publicado por achama às 05:38
Quarta-feira, 04 / 12 / 19

Could You Be Dating a Psychopath? 9 Signs to Watch out for

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 3, 2019.

 
Dating a Psychopath.

 



Yes, all relationships have problems, but some are far worse. Although rare, you could be dating a psychopath.

Dating has its own challenges, but when you start calling each other names, like psychopath or Maniac, it gets rough. Yes, it is possible that you could be dating a psychopathic person, but you really don’t know until you’ve researched the illness. In fact, the psychopath has physical differences which can be seen when looking at the brain. Of course, only a doctor can do this. As for the outer signs…

Are you dating a psychopath?
Let’s be honest, people throw around titles for others just because of a few strange characteristics. We often hear someone say, “He’s a narcissist”, or “She’s so bipolar”. You should never call each other derogatory names, especially if those names are real conditions. Those are serious personality issues and the person doing this could be just as sick as the other. So, how do we know the truth about these things?
Signs of the psychopath:
1. They have charisma…at first

A psychopath will not come over as a rude or uncaring person, well, not at first. In fact, they will be the most amazing person to be around, with their charm and social magnetism.

Everyone who encounters the psychopath on a friendship level will think they are one of the best people around, and they will continue to think this until they cross into certain areas of the psychopath’s life where truths emerge. A psychopath can hold this charismatic personality well for long periods of time, even years.
2. They make rash decisions

You may pick up on the true character of the psychopath when you pay attention to how they make decisions. This type of person is usually impulsive, giving little thought to the things they want to do. You may notice they don’t ask your opinion about much of anything. They just tell you what they’re about to do, or even do it before you even know what’s happened.
3. Manipulation

One of the most common attributes of the psychopath is manipulation. If they want something, they will do almost anything to get it, but most of all, they will use manipulative tactics. They will tell you that giving in to something makes you love them more, or truly love them, and if you don’t, then…you don’t love them at all.

They play upon your feelings this way, making it incredibly hard to deny them, and if you do, they will make sure you feel their passive-aggressive wrath. You see, not all psychopaths are killers, like from the movies. Some of them kill you emotionally by ignoring you or doing things intentionally to hurt you. All of this comes by the weapon of, you guessed it, manipulation.
4. They are always bored

The psychopath needs constant stimulation. If they don’t receive it, they will be looking for something or someone else to stimulate them. Unlike some of us who can be content with doing nothing sometimes, this is impossible for them.

They always have to be playing games, going out, being active, getting attention – you name it. It’s really hard to keep the psychopath interested for long before they’re whining about how bored they are or they are off and running with impulsive behavior again.

5. They disobey authority

That impulsivity that I mentioned above, yes, that can lead to disobeying the law, which is another sign you could be dating a psychopath. They usually disregard the speed limit and they usually play on their phones while driving. They may be drug users or alcoholics even.

But if you pay attention, you will notice, they break the law in some way if they are psychotic. It’s a combination of being bored, ego, and other aspects of their personality disorder.
6. They are pathological liars

Accuse a psychopath of lying and they will deny it, all the time. They hardly ever admit to being deceitful, and they are good at covering up the things they do with even more lies.

At first, you may even think you’re going crazy for accusing them of lies, but eventually, you will see the depth of their deception, and it will astound you. If you’re dating a pathological liar, there is a good chance that this person is also a psychopath.
7. They’re usually cheaters too

Most psychopaths find it extremely hard to be faithful, and when they cheat, they usually don’t care either. In fact, they will be unfaithful to one partner and also be unfaithful to the one they’re cheating with, which goes back to the boredom and impulsive aspect of their character.

There’s nothing wrong with you, never think that it’s just who they are. The sooner you realize the truth, the better. Their unfaithfulness may not only cost your feelings, but their promiscuity can also cost your life if they are having unsafe sex…which they probably will be.
8. Irresponsibility

The psychopath holds no responsibility for anything. They are the type of person who, when confronted, denies everything. No matter what they’ve done, even if it’s just leaving a towel on the floor, they will try and either deny it, blame it on someone else or justify how it was someone else’s fault that they left it there.


I’ve seen this behavior before and it’s both horrifying and strangely funny. If it wasn’t so sad, I would probably laugh and walk away. They can actually wipe their conscious away just so easily.
9. Arrogant

A psychopath is an arrogant person. After they initially sweep you off your feet, you will start to realize this arrogant attribute a little more every day. Eventually, they will be so arrogant that nothing can stand in their way. If you’re not careful, this will erode your self-esteem. You have to try and remain a strong and stable person to withstand their arrogance and survive the psychopath.
Dating a psychopath? You have choices to make…fast

If you are dating such a person, chances are, they will not change. I’m sorry. You see, it’s not just about generational teachings or the environment with this one. The psychopath really does have a different brain than the normal person, as I mentioned above.

Where you or I might have a physical and mental reaction to violence, the psychopath can remain calm. And yes, this fact can be terrifying. It’s the answer to so many of their personality traits like constant boredom, impulsive behavior, and cheating. There usually is no remorse.

I hate to say that there is no hope at all with the psychopath simply because I never like giving up on anyone, but you might seriously consider your future with someone like this. If you feel threatened at all, then leaving is a priority. Also, if you do leave, be careful because the psychopath doesn’t easily let go. Just a fair warning.

So, in a nutshell, and as always, check the signs, get support, and do what’s best for YOU.

I wish you well.
References
:
  1. https://research.unt.edu
  2. https://www.webmd.com
 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 09:17
Terça-feira, 03 / 12 / 19

4 Leadership Styles and Examples Where They Can Be Used

Jamie Logie.

December 2nd, 2019. 

leadership styles.

 
 

 
Are you effectively leading people or not using the right leadership styles when needed?
 
You can probably think back to certain leaders in your life and the leadership styles they used. An effective leader can manage people effortlessly without having to be overbearing or ruthless. The best leaders are the ones you don’t even notice leading but can motivate and improve everyone around them.
 
Leadership is the ability to get amazing achievements from ordinary people. If this is the leader you would like to be – in any area of life – it helps to learn different leadership styles. This article will look at 4 styles of leadership and examples for where to use them.
 
What Are Some Key Leadership Styles?
 
As a leader, your job is to get things done by leading others to success. This can be on the grand stage of the leader of a country, down to running a volunteer charity. Whatever type of influence you have, leadership is all about getting the best out of others to accomplish a goal or task.
 
Your leadership style will depend on a few variables, such as the team you are working with or specific people within that team. A good leader can recognize when a certain style is needed and will pick the right one depending on the specific end goal. There are many styles of leadership, but here are a few of the best to help accomplish this.
 
1. The Structural Leadership Style
 
This style of leadership is a very straightforward style. Everything is laid out in black in white. Everyone knows what needs doing, why it needs to be done, and when it needs to be done by. This style of leadership is one that places more importance on yourself, and it’s important to recognize this.
 
You are the one in charge of picking the people, assigning them to the various tasks, and managing them with the expectation they will produce great work. The main responsibility falls on your shoulders with this style as you are the one calling all the shots. You do not need any input from other people and what you say, goes.
 
You would use this leadership style when team members need to be rewarded or disciplined. You would also use this style when you have a team that is already motivated, full of experts, and needs little direction. You don’t want to use the structural leadership style all the time, as it can lead to team members feeling overwhelmed. This style works best in a crunch time scenario.
 
2. The Participative Style Of Leadership
 
This style is when you put your team first. When you’re leading people this way, it shows that you really care about them. When you lead this way, you build more bonds and friendships. There is a focus on spending time with the team members and showing that you care. The best way to use this style of leadership is to treat your team members the same way you would treat a family member.
 
There is no task-master mentality here, and the leadership is all about respect. This creates a feeling of belonging for the people you lead and you tend to get better results from them this way. They get more of a feeling of ownership with what they are working on as they feel more connected and valued. Decisions are made by consensus and members have more input, hence being called participative.
 
You would use the participative leadership style when you need new ideas and fresh perspectives. It is also good to use it during times of stress and when team members are feeling overwhelmed. They will feel heard and listened to, and it helps to build and maintain trust.
 
3. The Servant Style
 
The servant style is taking the participative style to the next level. With this style of leadership, you serve the role of serving your team. The easiest way to approach this style is to treat others how you want to be treated aka managing others the way you want to be managed.
 
You make sure that everyone understands their jobs fully and provide any needed tools. This style helps to bring out the peak performance of your team members. This style may be the most rewarding for them as they feel catered to and appreciated. They are listened to and their ideas matter.
 
An example of when to use the servant style is if you find yourself with a diverse team. This would be a team where you need to personalize your management for each member. You may also want to consider this leadership style if you are starting out somewhere new or with a new team. This will help you build trust, respect, and loyalty.
 
You may not want to use the servant style for too long, however, as it may lead to a lack of direction for the team. It also may lead to a lack of authority and your team ending up running the show.
 
4. The Freedom Style
 
This is a style of leadership that requires a lot of faith in your team. With this style, you give your team a task and then basically stay out of the way. You will chime in only when needed. Your role here is to point the team in the right direction and then leave it up to them.
 
You obviously need the utmost confidence in your team, but if you’ve led them well up to this point, they should be able to thrive. This style is not recommended if you are just starting out in leading people. You need a great track record showing your ability to get results out of people. You also need a lot of expertise and a highly skilled team that doesn’t need much supervision.
 
This is an approach taken by the Pixar company: give a mediocre idea to a strong team and they will find a way to make it great.
Final Thoughts
 
There isn’t one best leadership style, as these 4 different ones are valuable in their own way. The effective leader is not the one who just intimately knows different styles of leadership but knows when to use them at the right time. Whether you use the freedom, servant, participative, or structural leadership style, you ultimately will know how to get the very best out of people.
 
References:


  1. https://www.researchgate.net/
  2. http://article.sapub.org/
 

About the Author: Jamie Logie

 


 

Jamie Logie is a personal trainer, nutritionist, and health and wellness specialist. Jamie also studied sociology and psychology at Western University and has a counseling diploma from Heritage Baptist College. He has run a blog and top-rated podcast on iTunes called "Regained Wellness". Jamie is also a contributing writer for places like the Huffington Post, Thrive Global, LifeHack and has an Amazon #1 book called "Taking Back Your Health".

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

Archives:



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 09:22
A Luz está a revelar a Verdade, e esta libertar-nos-á! -Só é real o AMOR Incondicional. -Quando o Amor superar o amor pelo poder, o mundo conhecerá a Paz; Jimi Hendrix. -Somos almas a ter uma experiência humana!

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