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Domingo, 24 / 05 / 20

How to Put Yourself First and 5 Situations When It’s Necessary.

How to Put Yourself First and 5 Situations When It’s Necessary.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle,

M.Sc. and B.Sc.

learning-mind.com

Posted May 24th, 2020.

 
 

 

A pessimist is somebody who always sees the negative side. Pessimistic people expect the worst and are generally seen as unhappy, gloomy individuals. However, how thin is the line between a pessimist and a realist?

Traits of Pessimistic People

1. Always expecting the worst

This can relate to anything; the outcome of a job interview, the reason the phone is ringing, or how fun tonight’s party is going to be. A pessimist is a solid ‘glass half empty’ person and never has hopeful expectations that things will work out better than expected.
2. Finding it hard to see the joy in life
Somebody pessimistic doesn’t decide to be a downer; that would be a negative person who deliberately finds the bad in life. A pessimist might desperately want to feel as excited as everybody else but find it impossible to rationally think the same as others.

3. Difficulty with trusting relationships

As a natural pessimist, a person will take a lot of hard work before they can look to the future with positivity. It can, therefore, be really hard for these people to form close emotional bonds since their innate expectation is that it will turn out badly, and their trust will be crushed.

4. A tendency towards anxiety

Whilst the world around a pessimist will seem naïve, it can be tough to not feel overwhelmed by all the potential for things to go wrong. This can lead to stress and anxiety, feeling isolated with worries and concerns that nobody else can seem to see.

5. Excellent at contingency planning

A pessimist might see himself or herself as a realist; either way, they always have a Plan B. If you can’t accept the likelihood that plans will work out well, you will always be planning for the fallout, and have a back-up plan for when that happens. This makes pessimistic people excellent team members who can cope better than most with problems and challenges.

What Is the Difference between Pessimistic People and Realistic People?

Many pessimists will claim to be realists. They don’t have any other way of thinking and probably feel that all the optimists are gullible and reckless for not seeing the impending danger.
However, realism and pessimism are two different things.

Logic vs. assumption

Realists use their logistical reasoning to decide on what they believe is the most likely outcome. Pessimistic people don’t have this power of logic and will automatically assume the worst, regardless of the evidence to suggest otherwise.

Acceptance of other opinions

A pessimist finds it hard to accept that other people might feel differently from them. They might even feel it is their responsibility to convince others that they are right. A realist, on the other hand, can acknowledge different viewpoints and not take it personally if people disagree with them. They will be sure they are still in the right though!

Keeping control

Being incapable of seeing the positive in anything can be a demotivating experience. It often leads pessimistic people to experience anxiety and stress. Realists don’t suffer in the same way, knowing that their opinions are borne from fact and deduction.

What Are the Benefits of Being a Pessimistic Person?

It isn’t all doom and gloom. So if you think you may be a natural pessimist, there are some positives to take away from this personality trait!

1. Limited expectations

This may seem like a downside, but in fact, a pessimist who sets the bar for their expectations low will be more often happily surprised than other people. This can be an effective defense mechanism to cope with previous disappointments and mitigate the chance of being badly hurt.

2. Preventative healthcare

If you always expect the worst, you are very likely to be convinced that every lump and bump is a terminal illness. Pessimists tend to take very good care of themselves and react quickly to any potential health problems. This makes them much more likely to effectively manage any illnesses that do come their way.

3. Resistance to pressure

Pessimistic people are less prone to believing fake news or listening to bad advice than most of us. They use a negative outlook as a cognitive tool to analyze and respond to new situations. Thus, they have better courage in their convictions than most. This makes pessimists far less likely to buy into propaganda than any other people.

4. No forced feelings

An optimist will often be crushed when something works out badly. A pessimistic person will have seen it coming all along, so they will have been emotionally preparing for the fallout. Usually, an optimist will feel the need to continually be upbeat, to the point of faking it when they are feeling bad, which can be a stressful experience.

Conclusion

The reality is that most of us don’t choose our personalities and need to learn coping strategies to manage our less positive traits. However, there is always the capacity to change. Recognizing any tendencies that you would like to work on is the first step to effecting personal development.
There isn’t anything wrong with being a pessimistic person, much as there isn’t anything bad about being an optimist. Both have pluses and negatives, and both will leave you vulnerable to certain outcomes that will impact harder on your psyche than somebody with a different mindset.
Accepting who you are, and how best to deal with your personality to ensure it doesn’t negatively affect your relationships and social interactions is critical for all of us to make sure we are true to ourselves and living our best lives.
References:
  1. Psychology Today
  2. The Conversation

 

Lauren Edwards-Fowle

 
 
Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 
 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 


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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

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publicado por achama às 18:33
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Segunda-feira, 18 / 05 / 20

‘Is My Child a Psychopath?’

‘Is My Child a Psychopath?’ 

5 Signs to Watch Out For

Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

https://www.learning-mind.com

May 18th, 2020.

is my child a psychopath
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Are you worried about your child? Have you noticed a disturbing mean streak in them? Are they not fazed by punishment? Have you ever been so frightened of your child’s behaviour that you start to ask yourself, ‘Is my child a psychopath?’

‘Is My Child a Psychopath?’ – How to Recognize the Signs

Adult psychopaths fascinate us, but they must have come from somewhere. So, would you be able to recognise psychopathic traits in your child?
Historically, studies into child psychopathy have been carried out retrospectively. In other words, we take the adult psychopath and look into his or her childhood. Adult psychopaths can share several traits common in childhood. The MacDonald Triad suggested three such significant traits:
  1. Bed-wetting
  2. Cruelty to animals
  3. Fire-setting
However, subsequent research has criticised the MacDonald Triad. Instead, studies have shown that traits such as ‘callous disregard’ are more common in children who go onto exhibit psychopathy as adults.
“I remember when I bit my mom really hard, and she was bleeding and crying. I remember feeling so happy, so overjoyed—completely fulfilled and satisfied.” Carl*

Adult Psychopathic Traits vs Child Psychopathy

Speaking of adults, adult psychopathic traits are well-documented. We know that psychopaths tend to exhibit certain behaviours.

Adult Psychopathic Traits

The Mayo Clinic defines psychopathy as:
“A mental condition in which a person consistently shows no regard for right and wrong and ignores the rights and feelings of others.”
Psychopaths make up about 1% of the population. Around 75% are male and 25% female.
Psychopaths share many characteristics. In fact, the Hare Checklist is a specific list of psychopathic traits. The most common adult psychopathic traits are:
  • Lying and manipulation
  • Lack of morals
  • No empathy
  • Superficial charm
  • Narcissism
  • Superiority complex
  • Gaslighting
  • Lack of conscience
So do children share these same traits as their adult counterparts?
“I wanted the whole world to myself. So I made a whole entire book about how to hurt people. I want to kill all of you.” Samantha*

Child Psychopathy

Well, society does not label children as psychopaths. Instead, children with ‘dark traits’ are described as ‘callous and unemotional’. Experts use this callous-unemotional behaviour (CU behaviour) to form a diagnosis.

Examples of Callous Unemotional Behaviour in Children:

Studies into antisocial behaviour in children have captured several common traits in children as young as 2 years old:
  1. A lack of guilt after misbehaving
  2. No difference in behaviour after punishment
  3. Constant lying
  4. Sneaky behaviour designed to mislead you
  5. Selfish and aggressive behaviour when they don’t get what they want
Further research has led to the Youth Psychopathic Traits Inventory (YPI), which is similar to the Hare Checklist. Adolescents answer a series of questions which are then scored to measure the following personality traits:
  • Sense of grandiosity
  • Lying
  • Manipulation
  • Callous nature
  • No remorse
  • Insincere charm
  • Unemotionality
  • Thrill-seeking
  • Impulsiveness
  • Irresponsible nature
Children and adolescents that exhibit many of the above CU traits are more likely to commit anti-social behaviour as young adults and end up in prison.
“Don’t let me hurt you, Mom.” Kevin*

Is a Child Psychopath a Product of Nature or Nurture?

There are some experts that believe child psychopaths are born this way. However, others think it is more likely to be a mixture of genes and environment.
Philosopher John Locke first suggested that children are ‘blank slates‘, filled with experiences from their parents and interactions with their environment. But children are more than that. They come with their own readymade personality. This core personality then interacts with family, friends, and society. The environment shapes this core personality into the adults we become.
So what can cause a child to become a psychopath?

What Are the Causes of Child Psychopathy?

Early childhood abuse

One of the strongest indications of child psychopathy is early abuse in childhood. In fact, neglected, abused, or children that grew up in dysfunctional environments are more likely to show psychopathic tendencies later on.

Attachment issues

Separation from a parent or primary caregiver can have devastating effects on a child. We know that it is essential to form an attachment with our parents. However, the parent in question could suffer from addiction or mental health problems.
In fact, studies show that young female psychopaths are likely to have come from dysfunctional home lives.

Victimisation

On the other hand, young male psychopaths are more likely to have been victimised at an early age. The perpetrator carrying out the victimisation can be a parent or the child’s peers. This reasoning confirms what we already know, in that victims of bullying will often become bullies themselves.

Different brain structure

Other studies propose that children who show CU behaviours have differences in their brain structure. This supports the theory that suggests adult psychopaths have different brains to the rest of us.
Children with CU traits have less grey matter in the limbic system. This system is responsible for processing emotions. They also have an underactive amygdala. Someone with an undersized amygdala has problems recognising emotions in others. Therefore, they lack empathy.
“Kill John and Mommy with them (knives). And Daddy.” Beth*

5 Signs Your Child Is a Psychopath

So we can understand some of the causes behind child psychopathy. But if you ask yourself, ‘Is my child a psychopath?’, what signs should you be looking out for?

1. Superficial charm

These children can appear charming but they are mimicking what they’ve seen other people do. The only reason they appear to be charming is to get what they want.
One way you can identify superficial charm in children is to watch their reactions when someone else is upset or distressed. In normal circumstances, seeing someone upset will be in itself upsetting to a child. They will try and comfort whoever is upset. If your child is a psychopath, they won’t care and it certainly won’t upset them.

2. Lack of guilt or remorse

Children with CU behaviour use their charm to manipulate others. If they want something, they will do anything in their power to get it. If this happens to hurt another person in the process, so be it. They don’t understand that their actions have consequences. All they know is that the world is there for them. Therefore, they can do whatever they want.
So look out for selfishness in your child, one that is not prepared to share with others and one that acts aggressively if their needs are not met.

3. Prone to aggressive outbursts

Most parents are used to toddler tantrums, but the aggressive outbursts from child psychopaths are much more than tantrums. If you feel frightened of your own child’s capabilities, it’s a sign of psychopathy.
One other thing to point out is that these outbursts will come from nowhere. For instance, one minute, everything is fine, the next, your child is threatening you with a knife if you don’t get them a new puppy. The outburst is a massive overreaction to the situation.

4. Immune to punishment

Brain scans have shown that reward systems in callous children are overactive, but they are unable to recognise the usual signs of punishment. This leads them to focus doggedly on their own pleasure without being able to stop, even if it means hurting someone. Moreover, they know that if they get caught, they’ll be reprimanded.
We usually temper our behaviour to match the consequences of our actions. If your child is a psychopath, they know the consequences – they just don’t care.

5. No empathy for others

Does your child seem flat behind the eyes? Do you look at them and wonder if they are capable of loving you? It’s not that they don’t know what love is, they just don’t experience it.
Child experts believe that inactivity in the amygdala is to blame. More interestingly, we know that babies, when given the choice, would rather look at human faces than something like a red ball. Studies reveal that children who exhibit CU behaviour prefer the red ball to a face.
“I choked my little brother.” Samantha*

Can a Child Psychopath Be Cured?

So can child psychopaths ever be cured? Probably not. But their behaviour can be modified.
Research has shown that children with CU behaviour do not respond to punishment. However, because their reward centre in the brain is overactive, they do respond to incentives. This is cognitive morality. So while the child may never recognise emotions or understand empathy, they do have a system that rewards them for good behaviour.

Final Thoughts

Nature or nurture, brain abnormalities, or neglect in childhood. Whatever the reason, seeing callous disregard in children is particularly horrifying. But it doesn’t have to mean a life sentence. So if you suspect that your child is a psychopath, you should know that with proper therapy, even the coldest of children can live a relatively normal life.
References:
  1. www.psychologytoday.com
  2. www.theatlantic.com
  3. www.telegraph.co.uk
  4. nypost.com
*Names changed.
 
Janey Davies
 
 
 
About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2020 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
All articles are of the respective authors or publishers responsibility. 
 


 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 12:01
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Quarta-feira, 13 / 05 / 20

How to Put Yourself First and 5 Situations When It’s Necessary.

How to Put Yourself First and 5 Situations When It’s Necessary.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle,

M.Sc. and B.Sc.

learning-mind.com

Posted May 13th, 2020.

 
 

 

Learning how to put yourself first sounds easier than it is. Our culture tends to reward selflessness, and most of us feel guilty about prioritizing our own needs over those of other people.
However, never looking out for yourself is a fast-track path to burnout. Let’s take a look at little ways you can adjust your thinking to look after number one, and those situations where it is necessary.

How to Put Yourself First?

With so many pressures and responsibilities in our busy modern lives, here are some simple ways to ensure your self-care doesn’t sit on the back burner:

1. Take Time to Connect With Yourself

It is all too easy to rush headlong into every day and forget to take a moment to stop and think. If you are a people pleaser, you probably automatically agree to whatever is asked of you, without considering whether it is detrimental to you.
Being mindful is all about being in the moment, and taking stock of how you feel both physically and mentally. If you are serious about your long-term health, it is vital to decide when you have reached your limits, and be able to identify when you are not feeling at your best.
Should you be asked to help out at an event, pick up an extra shift, or do a ‘quick’ favor for a friend, take a moment before you say yes. If you are feeling tired, run-down, or experiencing a few aches and pains, it might be time to say no.

2. Manage Your Own Time

Our time is our own, but sometimes we forget that WE control what we do with each day. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to – within reason – and acknowledging the value of your time is important to be able to put yourself first.
Map out your plans for the day, and prioritize those things that hold great value for you. Don’t be tempted to cross out the long hot bath you have been looking forward to, or postpone your hair appointment till next week because other last-minute tasks crop up.
Taking care of yourself puts you in a better position to give time, energy, and support when it is needed. Make sure that you place as much value on allocating time to your own needs, as you do on using it to carry out duties for other people.

3. Say No and Mean It

We all want to say yes – yes, we can help; yes, we are here for you; yes, I can do that for you. It becomes a habit, whereby we are the fall-back for every friend and colleague who needs a helping hand.
It is great to be able to offer people your support and to be regarded as the kind of person who is willing and able to help out when they are needed. However, if you always say yes, you establish a pattern of behavior that becomes hard to break away from. If you don’t have the time, then say so! If you don’t feel comfortable with something that is being asked of you, allow yourself to say no!
You don’t need to say yes every time to be a good friend, and maintaining the importance of your boundaries will mean that when you do say yes, you mean it.

When Is It Necessary to Put Yourself First?

There are some situations where it is less about boundaries, and more about the vital need to look after your needs.

1. When you are feeling run down

If you are tired, burning out, or feeling the stress mounting up, now is the time you need to stop looking out for others and start concentrating on yourself. Stress causes no end of physical and mental health issues and ignoring it will not solve the problem.

2. When you feel taken for granted

Being helpful feels great, but if you feel that your kindness is being manipulated or your efforts are taken as a given, you need to put up your boundaries. Feeling unappreciated could make you resentful of those times when you do help out, and damage your relationships in the long run.

3. When you are experiencing aches and pains

Our bodies will always let us know when it is time to slow down. Little niggles are easy to ignore, but they could be a symptom of a potentially more serious problem. Slow down, give yourself time to recuperate, and you will be fighting fit next time your help is needed.

4. When you aren’t setting the example you would like to

Albert Schweitzer said that ‘example is not the main thing influencing others, it is the only thing’. If you feel that you are constantly rushing around and not taking any time for yourself, your children will see this as the norm. Teaching our kids about self-care is important for their development, so if you don’t feel like you are showing them the value of putting themselves first, perhaps take a step back – and explain to them why.

5. When you are neglecting your relationships

If your spouse, partner, or family are starting to feel ignored, it is time to evaluate how you allocate your time and make sure that you take care of your relationships with those closest to you before you consider anything else. Your closest family matter more to you than any other commitment, so if they are feeling left out of your busy schedule, decide to prioritize with your own needs in mind.
We have all heard the phrase ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’, and it remains true. Putting yourself first is not selfish; it is essential self-care to make sure that you meet your own needs and keep your health in check before committing to anything else that takes away from it.
Spending a little time on self-care along with knowing when you need to put yourself first makes you a healthier, happier person – and all the more capable of being a great friend, partner, and colleague when you are needed.

 

Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 
 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 23:30
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Segunda-feira, 11 / 05 / 20

9 Signs of a Sense of Entitlement You May Not Know You Have

 

9 Signs of a Sense of Entitlement You May Not Know You Have

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted May 3rd, 2020.

 
 
 
Could it be that you are not as humble and satisfied as you think? The truth is you could be harboring a sense of entitlement.
I’d like to think that I’m a balanced human being, despite the fact that I struggle with many forms of mental illness. Do I have a sense of entitlement? Honestly, I’m sure I display it from time to time. It could be that I don’t even recognize many of these symptoms. This entitlement is closely related to the unhealthy aspects of narcissism. It more or less rates on the egotistical side of the narcissistic spectrum.
Yes, feeling entitled is hard to recognize because of this correlation, and can mask its true identity underneath feelings of humility. There is also no age preference for this feeling either. You can feel entitled as a young adult, and you can feel just as entitled at the ripe old age of 75. In case you don’t understand what feeling entitled means, here’s one definition:
In psychology, a sense of entitlement is a personality trait that makes someone feel as though they deserve more than what society gives them. These are sometimes unrealistic and unmerited demands for better living conditions or treatment.

9 Signs That You Have a Sense of Entitlement

In case you’re wondering if this is you, if you have a sense of entitlement, then there are signs that throw up red flags. A red flag is a warning of something, and it’s usually pretty spot on. So here are a few indicators that you may have fit into this entitled group.

1. Superiority

While at face value, you might not think you feel superior, there could be a bit of “better than the rest” mentality dwelling between your ears. I’ve noticed this in myself at times, and it’s usually after someone has pointed it out and I’ve gotten angry. My anger revealed my guilt, you see. Feeling superior to others is easier than you think, and so you must always be aware of this trait. This is one facet of entitlement.

2. Unrealistic expectations

You may often feel like someone owes you things, or you feel cheated. This is considered unrealistic expectations from others. This is a sign that you believe you deserve more than you do. Most of the time, this feeling comes from past mistreatments in relationships or by neglect from your parents. It could even come from being let down by your best friend or fired from a job where you were previously praised.
Your sense of right and wrong can quickly get crossed and damage your trust…thus, creating this unrealistic demand mentality. This sign is noticed when you start feeling like nothing will ever go the way it should.

3. Self-pity

Yes, people are unfair, and they can hurt you for no real reason at all. Self-pity can start from here, right where an unwarranted wound happened. The right thing to do in these situations is to take the hurt and learn from it, growing into a stronger person. But if the wound is not tended to, self-pity will grow, then it will mature into a ridiculous sense of worth.
I’ve done this myself before. Once, I was hurt so badly that I expected everyone else to recognize the hurt and feel sorry for me. It didn’t work out the way I thought it would, and eventually, someone told me to grow up. It was harsh, but they were right to let me know.

4. Bullying

Those who feel entitled are prone to bullying others. It starts with low self-esteem, which then causes you to lash out at others to bring down their self-worth. The objective is to vault yourself above others by using them as your stepping-stones.
But you must keep in mind, those you step on will experience the same low feelings, and if they aren’t strong enough, they will also bullying others. You’re not just responsible then for bullying people, but you can potentially start a negative pattern that could ruin many lives due to self-entitlement. So, if you sense you are being a bully, you are guilty of a worse mentality than just being mean.

5. Double standards

Another sign that you may have a sense of entitlement is that you use double standards in life. For instance, it might not be okay for your adult son to get drunk, but you think it’s okay to do the same thing when he’s not around. It might be okay for you to leave your clothes lying around, and yet you yell at your husband for leaving his things out all the time.
Do you see the pattern? Living like this is pretty obvious to others, so keep in mind that they know you are unfair, and basically, a hypocrite. Maybe you should check for entitled standards you’ve made for yourself.

6. No compromise

Did you know that effective communication means compromise? Especially, if you are in an argument. If you feel like someone owes you something in life, you will hate compromise. I’m not sure, but I have set standards and morals, and sometimes, I hold them so tight that I refuse to compromise with others.
Now, I’m not saying that your standards or morals aren’t important because they are. What I am saying is that somewhere, somehow, you will have to compromise with people you care about. Otherwise, they might not stick around for long. So, if you aren’t even willing to compromise at all, then you have a problem, and no, it’s not the other guy. It’s you!

7. Attention, Praise, and admiration

If you feel you are above the rest, you will crave the spotlight. There is never enough attention for you. You always fish for compliments and post everything you purchase on social media, which makes you struggle all the time just to hold onto the same level of admiration from the day before.
In your eyes, others owe you all the love and comfort now because you’ve done your share of good deeds.  For every negative thing that you endured from the past, there’s certain retribution and, what’s worse is all the attention in the world is never enough.

8. Using punishments

Another sign that you could have a “surprise” sense of entitlement is that you use punishments. I don’t mean you punish your children for disobedience, as some do. I mean you punish other adults for not giving you exactly what you want.
Here’s an example: Say your best friend doesn’t come to visit as much as you think she should and you get angry. Well, you decide she deserves to be punished, and so you stop answering her calls or texts. When your best friend does come to see you, an attitude greets her at the door.
While this might seem like nothing to some people, it’s actually a negative reaction driven by the need for entitlement. You feel entitled to her attention and love. While in truth, you are both equal and deserve the same amount of respect. Non-toxic actions are when you give your friend the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she doesn’t come because she could be too busy to come to visit.

9. Everyone is a threat or competition

Remember, a sense of entitlement means no one is your equal, right? Well, this means that everyone is either a threat to your wellbeing, or they are a competition that you must constantly keep an eye on. Even your closest friends aren’t allowed to go through this veil of doubt and mistrust. You keep them close, but far enough so they have little access to how you really feel about them.
Entitlement means jealousy, hatred, and gossip. All these things come with insecurities and the dislike of others.

Are You Secretly Struggling with a Sense of Entitlement?

Sometimes the things you do that seem normal could, in fact, be a bit toxic. I had to learn this the hard way after hurting people or being told that I was acting entitled. But this is no witch hunt, no.
Every person on the face of the earth is imperfect. We all have skeletons in our closets, crosses to bear, and quirks that we cannot even see. When we cannot see these things, we perceive our lives as fair and good. The objective is, however, that we learn more and more every day about how to be better people. We analyze ourselves, check on how we treat others, and just strive to be good at every opportunity.
If we want a better world, guess what? It starts first with our own changes. We have to see our sense of entitlement for what it is and change a little at a time. Why should we change slowly? Well, because it’s not fair to be too hard on ourselves, any more than it’s okay to be hard on others. I want you to remember that. So, take your time and be honest with yourself. This is the only way to make those permanent improvements.
I believe in you, and that’s because I’m imperfect too…and I do believe I can do better as well.
References:
  1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
  2. https://www.betterhelp.com

 Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


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 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
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Sexta-feira, 08 / 05 / 20

9 Signs of Needy People and How They Manipulate You

9 Signs of Needy People and How They Manipulate You

By Anna LeMind, B.A.

May 7th, 2020

.

 
We all have encountered overly clingy and needy people in our lives.
Some may have been in a relationship with a too dependent partner, others could have had a friend who asked for one favor after another. While it’s totally human to feel emotionally attached to those around you as well as to ask for their help from time to time, these personalities take it to another level.
Needy people often come to the point of becoming toxic manipulators. More often than not, they are unaware of what they are doing though. Clingy individuals tend to have insecurities and lack mental toughness, so they just can’t help themselves. They need other people to make them happy and complete.
Still, dealing with a needy person can be challenging for your own mental health. So, it’s important to recognize the signs of when your needy friend or family member is taking advantage of you and is becoming a toxic influence.

9 Signs of Manipulative Needy People

1. They have a victim mentality

Being a needy person and having a victim mentality are often synonyms. These people just can’t take responsibility for their actions and failures. They always blame someone else for everything.
If they made a mistake in a report, it’s because their loud coworker distracted them from work. If they didn’t keep your intimate secret, it is because they encountered a devious manipulator who tricked them into sharing it.
In the end, it’s never a needy person’s fault. And they don’t just stop here – they go on to make you feel sorry for them as well.

2. They guilt-trip you

If we take the example with the secret, your needy friend will probably say how devastated they are by that manipulator. And that you shouldn’t have confided in them in the first place. Now their whole life is completely ruined because of the secret you shared with them! It may sound crazy, but eventually, you will actually feel sorry for your friend and guilty for calling them out for revealing your secret!
Being needy doesn’t equal being a manipulator, but sometimes, this trait comes with a natural talent in inducing unjustified guilt in others. You see, making people feel guilty is a great way to take advantage of them.
When your friend is convinced that whatever you are going through is their fault, they are more likely to give you what you want or to turn a blind eye to something wrong you have done.

3. They take advantage of you

Needy people are usually takers and rarely givers. If you are there for them when they need you, it doesn’t mean that they will do the same for you.
All relationships should have reciprocity in them. And I’m not talking just about helping each other. Emotional investment is an essential component of any relationship, whether it’s a romantic, a family, or a friendly one. When you are the only person in a relationship who is concerned, genuinely interested, and willing to help, it means that the other person is taking advantage of you.
Does your needy family member ever call you just to see how you are doing? Is your friend really paying attention when you are telling him about your problems? Do they ever invite you to their place for dinner or do they only enjoy your hospitality? Are they there for you when you are in trouble?
If a needy person in your life shows up only when they need something from you, I’m sorry to tell you this, but you are being taken advantage of.

4. They are constantly in trouble

In the beginning, needy people may seem just unlucky. Whatever venture they take on, it’s doomed to fail. It may look like they are cursed and the whole world is conspiring against them! They get fired from work, their businesses collapse one after another, they get involved with the wrong people all the time.
When a needy person talks about their failures, they, of course, blame someone else or things like bad luck or the wrong circumstances. We have already talked about their victim mentality above, remember?
As a result of this endless chain of disasters, they end up asking for your help. And yes, they have no one else to turn to. Only you and your help can save them.

5. They are in a constant need for approval and reassurance

A needy personality often stems from insecurities and low self-esteem. For this reason, they need constant reassurance from other people. They may become quite manipulative in trying to get your approval.
They love doing what’s called fishing for compliments. It’s when a person purposely says self-critical things to hear that they are being wrong about themselves. This is what needy people often seek – your reassurance. They literally feed off it because deep inside, they feel bad about themselves.

6. They compete in misery

This toxic behavior is a consequence of a victim mentality. Needy people seem to compete with others in misery, so whatever problem you are facing, be sure that they always have a worse one.
Say that you are confiding a problem in your marriage to your friend. He looks like he is listening to you, but as soon as you stop talking, he tells you about his past heartbreak, which was much more tragic than the issue you have with your wife.
As a result, you receive no empathy or advice from your friend and end up listening to his heartbreaking story and comforting him instead.

7. They exaggerate their problems and belittle those of other people

Similarly, a needy person may become passive-aggressive and throw out belittling remarks about other people’s difficulties. All this serves one purpose – to earn all the attention and empathy for themselves.
They may get sarcastic and say unkind things like ‘I wish I had his problems’ when someone else is struggling. All this comes down to a lack of empathy and emotional intelligence needy people often have. They really believe that they are the only person who is struggling and everyone else’s problems are a joke.

8. They can’t deal with their issues on their own

friend asking for favors
Self-sufficiency is not among the traits of needy people. Sometimes, it can seem that they are just unable to solve a problem on their own. For example, if they are facing financial difficulties, they won’t think about getting a better job or earning some extra income but will immediately go to the solution of borrowing money from a friend or a family member.
For this reason, you will often find needy people asking for all kinds of favors, from requiring your assistance in the most trivial issues to helping them make a life-changing decision. Yes, it’s fine to expect support from the people around you. After all, this is what true friends do, right? But it’s not fine when you don’t even try to figure out a solution by yourself and rush to your friend for help.

9. They believe that you owe them

Needy people often believe that the world and those around them owe them something. This makes them convinced that they have the right to require help from their family members or friends.
Let’s take an example of needy behavior in a family relationship. Aaron’s parents got a divorce when he was 12 years old. While he stayed in contact with his father, he never received any substantial financial help from him. Still, he grew up into a self-sufficient adult and is now successfully running his own business while his father is switching from one venture to another and is on the edge of financial disaster.
At some point, Aaron’s father is asking him for a loan so he can pay off his debt and start a new business. Aaron refuses, and his father gets furious. He blames his son for being ungrateful and not appreciating what he has done for him all these years. For example, Aaron has forgotten how his father was driving him to school or how he took him to a few road trips when he was a kid.
As you see in this example, Aaron’s father is convinced that his son owes him, so he didn’t expect that he would refuse to help him.

Are Needy People Bad People?

In the end, needy people don’t mean to become toxic and behave in a manipulative way. These people often have issues with emotional attachment and self-esteem, so their clingy nature is due to their mental makeup.
Thus, if you have a needy person in your life, treat them with kindness but don’t allow them to exploit it. Establishing healthy personal boundaries is a key approach to dealing with them.
 

Anna LeMind
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About the Author: Anna LeMind

Anna is the founder and lead editor of the website Learning-mind.com. She is passionate about learning new things and reflecting on thought-provoking ideas. She writes about science, psychology and other related topics. She is particularly interested in topics regarding introversion, consciousness and subconscious, perception, human mind's potential, as well as the nature of reality and the universe.
 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.
 
 
Discernment is recommended.
 
 
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Terça-feira, 05 / 05 / 20

3 Ways a Negative Mindset Is Ruining Your Life and How to Beat It

3 Ways a Negative Mindset Is Ruining Your Life and How to Beat It

Jamie Logie, B. Sc.

learning-mind.com

May 5th, 2020 .

 

 

It’s hard to not get into a negative mindset from time to time, but if this is always the case, it can severely hold you back in life.
As much as we would always love to be positive and upbeat, the truth is that this is not realistic. Tough times will happen, but that’s just the natural course of life. Without tough times, you would never appreciate the good, so it’s natural you will go through periods with a negative mindset. The problem arises when that mindset becomes constant as it will ruin your life.
The good news is, you can beat it. This article will look at the issues caused by a negative mindset, but how it doesn’t have to rule over you.

What Causes a Negative Mindset?

This seems like a simple question, but it goes a lot deeper. A mindset that is based on negativity can come from things that happened as a child, fear, worry, or other trauma. Some people are more prone to a pessimistic outlook on life, so a negative mindset tends to be their default mode. This doesn’t mean they can’t beat it though.
One of the biggest causes of a negative mindset is fear. Negativity is just fear in disguise and there are always things to be fearful about. If you fear and worry about the state of the world, your job, finances, or health, you become overwhelmed with it and this then turns into negativity.

These constant negative thoughts can slowly start to ruin your life. Here are a few ways it does this:

1. Your Stress Hormones Go Through The Roof

A little stress is ok as this is your fight-or-flight mechanism in action. This is caused by stress hormones such as cortisol and this is important if you need to jump out of the way of a speeding car. But a constant release of stress hormones over time becomes very damaging. Here are some issues elevated stress hormones can cause:
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Digestive problems
  • Insomnia
  • Weight gain
  • Cognitive problems
  • Heart disease
  • High blood pressure
  • Heart attacks
This is just a small sampling as the list goes on for quite a bit. You can see how damaging this constant state of stress is on the body. The big issue here is that it doesn’t matter if that stress is real or perceived – the body still responds the same way. Constant cortisol release is happening from a negative mindset and putting your health at serious risk.

2. You Don’t Get To Appreciate The Good Things In Life

The more you focus on the negative situations in life, the more you ignore anything good happening to you. It can be easy to focus on what’s going wrong in life, but this prevents you from experiencing joy. It’s easy to slip into this way of thinking, but it is only robbing you from finding genuine happiness. In the same way, we can always find something to complain about, you can also find something to appreciate.

3. You Aren’t Able To Connect With Other People As Well

You’ve probably noticed that it’s not the most fun thing to be around someone with an overly negative mindset. If this mindset is occurring in you, it will push away those closest to you.
This also comes down to the simple issue of brain chemistry and the cortisol issue. Besides controlling fight-or-flight responses, cortisol has the effect of shutting down some of the higher cognitive parts of the brain. The parts it impacts are the ones important for how we interact and connect with others. These areas of the brain are involved with empathy, compassion, and forgiveness.
So a negative mindset is physically impacting your ability to love and care for other people. It doesn’t get much worse than that.

How Do You Beat a Negative Mindset?

The big thing all this boils down to – and a more helpful way to look at negativity – is that it is a habit. More often than not, a negative mindset doesn’t happen from very complex things or events. Small little issues can be enough to get you into this bad headspace and when you constantly think in this way, it becomes a habit.
They say it takes 21 days to create a habit, so think what years and years of negative thinking have done to cement it as a normal mindset. But we can break any bad habit. Here are a few ways:

1. Start Using A Journal

This is an easy way to jot down any positive things that are happening. It doesn’t matter how small they are; it helps to make a note of them. If you can get in the habit of writing down things you appreciate – even as simple as seeing the sun shining – it helps to train your mind to look for the positives in life.

2. Remember Positive Situations

This has to do with the breaking of a habit. Any time you catch yourself in a mindset that is negative, steer the thoughts to moments where you felt peaceful, calm, happy, and assured. This can take work, but eventually, this can help to beat that negative mindset.

3. Start To Question The Thoughts

Your brain and mind are two different things. Your mind is easily influenced and shaped by outside forces, whether they are negative or positive. When negative thoughts creep in, start to question them.
Look at negative thoughts like spam email. You wouldn’t take a spam email seriously, you just delete it. You need to do the same thing with negative thoughts and ask, “Should I take this seriously?” And think of it as spam from outside coming in to only cause damage.

Final Thoughts

It’s so easy to get into a negative mindset, and it’s nothing to feel bad about. A lot of the things we expose ourselves to are there to make us feel bad. The trick is choosing what you allow into your mind, and what can influence you. This means you might need to turn off the news or avoid people who only bring you down. But as we mentioned, a negative mindset is nothing but a habit, and any habit can be broken.
Stay strong, you can do this.
References:
  1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/

About the Author: Jamie Logie, B.Sc.

Jamie Logie is a certified personal trainer, nutritionist, and health & wellness specialist. He holds a bachelor of science (B.Sc.) degree in Kinesiology from the University of Western Ontario, studied sociology and psychology at Western University and has a counseling diploma from Heritage Baptist College. He has run a blog and top-rated podcast on iTunes called "Regained Wellness". Jamie is also a contributing writer for places like the Huffington Post, Thrive Global, LifeHack and has an Amazon #1 book called "Taking Back Your Health".

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Alternative to Google

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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

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Terça-feira, 05 / 05 / 20

Why Intellectual Humility Is Important and How to Develop It

Why Intellectual Humility Is Important and How to Develop It

Lottie Miles, M.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted May 5th, 2020.

 
intellectual humility.

 


We are all inclined to believe we know and understand more than we know. However, as the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates was well aware, what we think we know is not really knowledge at all. We may well want to cling stubbornly to our beliefs and believe we are more correct than others. But people who practice intellectual humility are better listeners, learners, and more self-aware. So what is intellectual humility and how can it be developed?
In this post, we will explore what it means to be intellectually humble, why intellectual humility is important, and how to develop it.
What is intellectual humility?
Intellectual humility means recognizing that the things you believe dearly could actually be wrong. Unlike general humility, it is not centered on having a low view of one’s own importance or a lack of confidence. Rather, it is a way of thinking.
At its heart, it incorporates accepting the possibility that what you think might be wrong. In addition, to be intellectually humble, you must be keen to learn from the experiences of others.
Intellectual humility demands for you to think about your own limits. This trait is classically important in the ideal application of the scientific method. Here, you are expected to actively test against one’s own hypothesis in order to ensure it is robust. In recent years, the concept has received growing attention amongst social psychologists with the loss-of-confidence project. This project aims to de-stigmatize admitting a loss of confidence in your own research results.

Why is intellectual humility important?

So why is it important to be able to admit we could be wrong about what we think? Well, for one thing, it will make us less defensive when challenged about our beliefs. This approach also forces us to think about our blind spots, opening up new lines of inquiry we may not have seen before.
Porter & Schumann’s study found that intellectually humble people are better at listening to opposing views. This makes them more likely to seek out information challenging to their own world-view and question evidence more carefully. Kross’s study confirmed this, finding the intellectually humble were more likely to be wise.
Intellectual humility is important because it demonstrates the promotion of arrogance and overconfidence prevalent in our society is foolish. When we recognize we could be wrong, we listen more to others. We can learn more from those we might have instinctively disagreed with offering benefits for scientific robustness.
We can also learn more than we thought possible with an un-fixed approach to knowledge. Indeed, being intellectually humble can enhance our drive to succeed and openness to new ideas. It frees us from a focus on our potential to be wrong necessarily being bad. Being wrong is inevitable! Breakthroughs in knowledge are only possible when we see things differently than we saw them before.

How can you develop intellectual humility?

If our ignorance is invisible to us, then how can we become aware of it? The author Shane Snow, devised an intellectual humility test to measure where you stand on 4 key areas of importance for the intellectually humble. There are 4 areas we need to work on in order to develop intellectual humility. Here, we outline what these are and how you can develop intellectual humility in each:

1. Respect for the viewpoints of others

To succeed in this, you should try to recognize the moral underpinnings of the viewpoints of others. Try to empathize with what they tell you. You can even try engaging in more playful ways with someone you wouldn’t usually. This will reduce your fear of them and their positions. Living abroad, learning new languages, and reading broadly are also great ways to increase your intellectually humble skills in this area.

2. Fostering a lack of overconfidence our own intellectual ability

Looking at the math that shows how groups can become greater than the sum of their parts by valuing diverse perspectives within them. You can easily practice this skill by actively saying ‘I might be wrong’ after expressing a strong viewpoint. Feel confident to admit when you don’t know something. This can help us be more empathetic and understand why we need it.

3. Separating our ego and our intellect

To improve your intellectual humility in this area, you should get to know your strengths and weakness when it comes to your personality traits and ego. Try to recognize when you react personally to viewpoints that challenge your own. By identifying your emotional responses, you can become more objective and open to listening. You may even seek out ego death.

4. Being willing to revise our viewpoint

Being truly intellectually humble requires us to respect the viewpoints of others. To develop this skill, we can practice actively revising our viewpoint. How could we think about what we believe differently? Can you unpick a fundamental belief you hold? Envision yourself as someone with a diametrically opposed view to your own. Try to think of what they would argue and you might see some of your invisible blind-spots.
Being intellectually humble requires us to listen more and talk less. It requires us to be empathetic to others, and be less emotionally attached to our own viewpoints. When we open our minds to water others have to offer, we can take the first steps to improved understanding and wisdom.
References:
  1. https://www.smithsonianmag.com
  2. https://plato.stanford.edu
  3. https://hbr.org


 

 

Lottie Miles

 



 
About the Author: Lottie Miles
 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
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All articles are of the respective authors or publishers responsibility. 
 
 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 
 
 

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Sexta-feira, 01 / 05 / 20

6 Types of Toxic People Who Become Involuntary Manipulators

6 Types of Toxic People Who Become Involuntary Manipulators

By Anna LeMind, B.A.

April 30th, 2020

passive aggression.

 
Passive aggression is a favorite tactic for negative, secretly jealous, and insecure personalities. So almost all of the above types of toxic people can use it, especially the approval seekers and the enviers.
They lack the emotional toughness to speak their mind openly and face conflict. Thus, they throw out sneaky comments and wistful statements that make you feel bad and bring them temporary emotional satisfaction.

An example situation:

Your friend Bob tells you about his financial difficulties. He has lost his job and doesn’t know how to pay his bills the next month. You are comforting him and give him advice. At some point, the conversation turns to you and you tell Bob about the detention your unruly son received at school. Bob has an absent expression on his face and says, “I wish I had your problems”.
The result? You are feeling guilty for worrying about such trivial issues while your friend is going through a really difficult time in life. In reality, though, Bob didn’t mean to cause you discomfort or guilt. He is just overly self-absorbed right now because of the hardships he is facing, so anyone else’s problems look like a joke to him.

2. Guilt trips

The needers often use guilt trips to get what they want. In fact, needy people are natural manipulators and may not even know how toxic they can become. Since they are used to relying on others and hanging their happiness on people and external circumstances, they are intrinsically skillful in evoking guilt in those around them.

An example situation:

Ian proposes to Melissa while they’ve been in a relationship for just three months. She is not ready yet and not sure whether Ian is the one, so she takes some time to think it over. One day, Ian tells Melissa about his past heartbreaking relationship and throws out a comment like, “That breakup was a real disaster. It was a struggle to get over it. If our relationship doesn’t work out either, I’m not sure if I can handle it”. As a result, Melissa feels sorry for him and accepts his proposal.
This may sound deviously manipulative at first, but Ian is not a bad person. He is just prone to black-and-white thinking and gets too enthusiastic about people. He also has an intense fear of loneliness and gets emotionally attached to women too easily. So he meant every single word of what he said to Melissa.

3. Playing the victim

Some people genuinely believe that they never did anything wrong and all their failures are due to the outside circumstances. They may blame the unkind people who took advantage of them or the unfair society that ruined their chances to succeed. Maybe they were born in the wrong time or had a too underprivileged family background to achieve anything significant in life. They may even go on to believe that all their misery stems from a generational curse or God’s will.
The core reason for this toxic attitude is that people with a victim mentality are afraid of responsibility. There is always someone or something else to blame for all the adversities life throws their way. So, they have a natural talent for playing the victim and distorting every situation accordingly.
They don’t do it because they are evil manipulators, however. In reality, they are simply too mentally weak to accept their faults and deal with their responsibilities. Many types of toxic people use the manipulation tactic of playing the victim. In our list, the misunderstood genius, the needer, and the complainer will do it more often than others.

An example situation:

Elliot’s business has failed, which totally ruined his motivation. He now stays at home, watching TV all day long and doing nothing. His wife Ashley has a good job and is the only person who is supporting the family now. After a few months, Elliot still doesn’t look for a new job or business idea.
Ashley is tired of supporting the family on her own and at some point, she insistently asks her husband to get a job. Elliot says, “How can you be so heartless? Don’t you see that I’m depressed? These people took from me everything I had worked for so hard and you are suggesting I should just forget about it and work for someone else now?”
Elliot is clearly playing the victim to avoid responsibility and make Ashley feel sorry for him. Still, this is unintended because he is convinced that it’s not his fault that his business failed. Also, he thinks that he is too gifted for a regular 9-5 job, so even suggesting him to get one causes annoyance.

4. Criticism

criticism
Negative and controlling types of people are sometimes so critical of everyone and everything that they become truly toxic. It’s not easy to be around a person who always has to say something critical, unkind, or disproving. Thus, critical people become involuntary manipulators because they make those around them feel worthless and often start conflict out of nothing. Sometimes they do it to feel better about themselves or because they really believe that they are always right.

An example situation:

Jane just got a promotion at work and shares the exciting news with her elderly mother, who happens to be an overly critical person. She gives her daughter an indifferent look and says, “Good for you. Too bad that you still haven’t started a family at this age that you are though. Your younger sister has two children already, and you are still single”.
With this kind of remark, Jane’s mother makes her feel inadequate despite her career achievement. She downplays her daughter’s success and shifts focus to her relationship failures, which is a sensitive topic for her. As a result, Jane starts to doubt herself and feels miserable. She forgets about the promotion and begins to think that her life is a failure.

5. They become parasitic

Some types of toxic people become emotionally or financially parasitic to those around them. Parasitic individuals make their partners, friends, or family members feel responsible for their life. This manipulation tactic can be a combination of guilt-tripping and a victim mentality and is often used by needy people as well as the misunderstood geniuses.

An example situation:

Two adult siblings live entirely different lives. The younger brother Tom has become a successful lawyer while the older brother Jack fails one business after another. Jack has already borrowed a great deal of money from his brother and never paid him back. He is now asking him for a new loan.
Tom has had enough of supporting Jack and denies it to him. Jack says that in this case, the bank will take his house and he will have nowhere to live. Moreover, he feels heartbroken and betrayed by his brother. He accuses Tom of being ungrateful for all the good things he did to him. Jack even goes on to remind him how he babysat him and helped him with homework when they were children.
The situation now looks like Jack is a victim and Tom is a villain. This makes the younger brother feel guilty and ironically, responsible for his older brother’s life. As a result, once again, he decides to give Jack the money he is asking for.
As you can see in this example, Jack is inducing unjustified guilt in Tom. In reality, he is just exploiting his brother as it’s much easier to borrow money from a wealthy family member than to find a job to pay off your debt. But Jack is doing this unconsciously. He may genuinely believe that he has done too much for his brother, so Tom owes him.

The Involuntary Manipulators Are Those Types of Toxic People Who Don’t Mean to Do Harm

In the end, the individuals we discussed above have no ill intent. These unconscious manipulators are usually pretty good folks at their core but just lack mental strength, which makes them use unhealthy coping mechanisms.
So the bottom line here is that these types of toxic people tend to be deeply unhappy and discontented with themselves, hence their manipulative tendencies.
This means that they are more likely to change and stop their toxic behavior than devious manipulators like psychopaths or narcissists, who have the power to make you question your sanity. Establishing firm personal boundaries is often enough to stop their toxic influence.
Does any type of these toxic people sound like someone in your life? Please feel free to share your experiences with us.
 

Anna LeMind
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About the Author: Anna LeMind

Anna is the founder and lead editor of the website Learning-mind.com. She is passionate about learning new things and reflecting on thought-provoking ideas. She writes about science, psychology and other related topics. She is particularly interested in topics regarding introversion, consciousness and subconscious, perception, human mind's potential, as well as the nature of reality and the universe.
 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


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Quarta-feira, 29 / 04 / 20

What Triggers Narcissistic Injury and How to Recognize It?

 

What Triggers Narcissistic Injury and How to Recognize It?

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted April 28th, 2020.

 
 
 
Narcissistic injury happens when the narcissist has been confronted, challenged, or denied something. In a situation like this, they feel like their whole façade comes apart. The narcissistic wound is real, and yet, it comes from a place of make-believe hurts. How can we tolerate this sort of behavior?
To understand narcissistic injury, you have to know a little bit about the narcissist themselves. A person who has been “diagnosed” per se, as a narcissistic individual will have layers of characteristics.
First of all, most narcissists were first traumatized or abused children. This mistreatment, in time, caused them to build high walls to keep others out. It made their self-esteem plummet as well. As a result of all this, the narcissist built a façade of who they really are, and when confronted or challenged, they acquire the narcissistic wound.

What triggers the narcissistic injury?

There are a few ways that this injury can be triggered by others. Just as I said above, being challenged or confronted would do the trick. But let’s look at a few of these things in order to get the big picture.

  • Breaking the mask

The narcissist has a false idea of who they are. Some of them actually believe in this false identity, while others use the identity to trick others. Injuries occur when someone rips the mask off revealing the true identity of the narcissist. This triggers anger, resentment, and manipulation.
You see, when you lived the majority of your life with a low-self-esteem, creating a different, more positive identity is ideal. When that identity is destroyed, you’re right back where you began. It’s actually painful for the narcissist.

  • Pointing out mistakes

There is no narcissist in this world that likes their failures being noticed. Injuries are triggered quickly when the narcissist fails at something or is wrong about something, and a friend notices. Maybe if they fail at something while alone, it’s not so bad, but for someone to see what happened, this can be devastating.

  • Revealing the lack of confidence

Narcissists cannot handle someone else revealing their lack of confidence. The truth is, the root of narcissistic behavior lies in low self-confidence, as it comes from past trauma or abusive childhood. The narcissist walks and talks with an air of confidence, and yet, it is all false. When it’s revealed for what it is, a narcissistic injury happens.

How do we recognize the narcissistic injury?

Touching once more on the adult/child relationship as to abuse, we can learn how to recognize the narcissistic injuries that surface. If a parent was narcissistic, then it’s likely that some of those traits will try to stick to the child, especially mental injuries. So, how can we tell if this is happening?

1. They reject others

If the narcissist’s friends and family know what they’ve been through, people usually want to help. But this help will also come with revealing their mistakes and helping them work through the problems. They don’t want others to see the imperfections, and so friends and family cannot help. Loved ones may even get a bit harsh with the narcissist, and say that they are challenging them to do better. This will make them push friends and family even further away.
You see, narcissists feel as though they should be loved and accepted at all times. This can get especially negative on social media. If someone with a narcissistic wound is challenged online, they will go to extremes in arguments and comments, so much that they may even delete or block people from their personal spaces – these can even be their loved ones.

2. They have impossible expectations

Even if everyone is talking about how talented they are, it’s never enough. Narcissists have to always be in the spotlight, always getting attention, and when it comes to the online world, always posting things about themselves or what they’ve accomplished. One nice compliment is never enough for them. This is because secretly, narcissists always feel like a failure.

3. Sometimes they’re overachievers

On the flip side, sometimes the narcissist just wants to help too much. In order to fill that void inside, and yes, there’s a deep dark void inside every narcissist, they must constantly be doing things for people, or giving out endless compliments – they are usually empty compliments which this toxic person doesn’t really mean.
I know this sounds cruel, but it’s true. The narcissistic injury shows through the many layers of the good Samaritan sometimes. If they can hold up that camera while helping, they can be an overachiever and live those impossible expectations all at once. Giving and getting at an abnormal and toxic level.

4. You don’t want to say no

Inside, the narcissist always wants to say no, but on the outside, they never want to say no. Does that make sense? Well, it’s how the narcissist works. A narcissist focuses on themselves first, even though they help tremendously, never want to speak the word “no” and always seem so humble. All of this is false.
They don’t want to speak “no” because they are afraid of the consequences. That is all. No narcissist wants to be injured by rejection because they didn’t go along with someone else’s wishes. So, they try to bridge that gap somehow. It’s usually a messy routine.

Narcissistic injuries are real

If you live with a narcissist, you will eventually experience those strange injuries. When you do, take some time before you get into an argument with them. Think about why the narcissist may feel injured and work around this issue accordingly.
Although most narcissists never change, some do. So, if you have the chance to show them the truth of their injuries in a peaceful manner, you could be able to help them heal. If not, it could be time to make some changes.
I wish you the best.
References:

  1. https://www.betterhelp.com
  2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


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 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
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Domingo, 26 / 04 / 20

3 Signs of Gaslighting at Work: Is Someone Doing It to You?

 

3 Signs of Gaslighting at Work: 

Is Someone Doing It to You?

Janey Davies, B.A.

https://www.learning-mind.com

April 26th, 2020.

 
 
 

 
Anyone who is interested in psychology might have heard of the term ‘gaslighting’ in regards to a romantic relationship. But gaslighting at work is a relatively new phenomenon. So what are the signs and how can you tell if you’re being gaslighted at work?

What Is Gaslighting and What Are the Origins of This Term?

The term ‘gaslighting’ comes from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a husband gradually convinces his wife that she’s going mad. We call this form of manipulation gaslighting because in the film the murderous husband attempts to drive his wife insane by convincing her she’s imagined the dimming gaslights in their apartment.
In fact, the lights dimmed because the husband was searching for her aunt’s jewellery. Whenever the wife tries to talk to her husband and discuss the dimming gaslights, her husband denies it ever happened.
He manipulates her into thinking she’s imagined it. He also manipulates the environment they both live in. For example, he denies there are noises coming from the attic (a result of his frantic searching). He consistently misdirects, confuses, flatly denies, and forcibly insists on certain details. In the end, the wife cannot resolve her version of reality to that of her husband.
So gaslighting is a term that describes abusive behaviour that manipulates the environment to make a person doubt his or her sanity.

Why Do People Use Gaslighting?

People gaslight for several different reasons:
  • A need for power
  • Wanting to control the other person
  • Having to conceal something
  • Feeling insecure
  • Jealous of your success
  • Want to get ahead of you

Examples of Gaslighting at Work:

  • Questioning your version of events
  • Rearranging schedules without informing you
  • Taking credit for the work you’ve done
  • Spreading malicious gossip and then denying it
  • Blaming you when things go wrong
  • Pretending they cannot understand you
  • Bullying you in front of colleagues
  • Going into a rage with you but being all smiles to others
Anyone can use gaslighting at work, from your immediate boss to a co-worker or even a client.

Here Are Some More Specific Examples of Gaslighting at Work:

We all tend to judge people by our own standards. On the whole, we believe that people are honest. As a result, it’s really confusing to be confronted with someone who consistently gaslights you. At work, it’s not just confusing but can affect your career, not to mention your mental wellbeing.
Examples of gaslighting at work:
Your boss told you that you had until the end of the month to complete a report, but today, she swears she told you it was due by this lunchtime.
You are always left off important email threads by a colleague who insists they sent it to you. When you question their actions they accuse you of over-reacting and being a drama queen.
Your manager takes credit for your idea and then manages to convince you that he had to do a lot of work to get it presentable.
Your co-worker is talking about you behind your back, but when you confront them, they deny it, saying it’s all in your mind.
So, how can you tell if someone is gaslighting you at work? Look out for the following signs.

3 Signs of Gaslighting at Work

  1. You feel as if something is off with a particular person whenever you interact with them

Do you come away from meetings with this person feeling undermined, confused, or disorientated? Normally, you are a confident member of society, with no issues, you’re no shrinking violet in the workplace. But there’s just something about this new boss or co-worker that tilts you off-balance.
You come away from interactions with them thinking something’s off, but you can’t put your finger on it. Trust your gut. Step back from the situation. Ask a colleague or a family member about your concerns. Try and put the situation into perspective.

  1. You’ve started to second guess and doubt yourself

Have you gone from a confident worker to someone that now constantly double-checks their work? Do you feel as if your memory is worsening? For example, you don’t trust yourself to remember important dates, deadlines, or meetings.
Do you feel as if you’re losing the plot sometimes? Like you’re going mad and can’t rely on your own judgement anymore? Are you doubting your capability to do the job? Do you feel depressed about the thought of encountering this person on a daily basis? Remember, it’s not you, it’s them.

  1. You are constantly accused of being too sensitive

Have you always prided yourself on your ability to take it on the chin? That you have broad shoulders and can take a joke? Have you always been self-deprecating, but now, you’re always being told you are too sensitive or that you’re a drama queen?
Do bosses tell you to man-up and get with the programme? Are you always feeling overwhelmed? Are you afraid of being accused of over-reacting, so you keep quiet? Do you feel isolated and helpless?

My Experience of Gaslighting at Work

I have an example of a gaslighting co-worker from an old job I had on the railways. A co-worker (let’s call her BS Sue) told me that she suffered from narcoleptic epilepsy and that her mother had died from brain cancer. Of course, I was immediately sympathetic. But BS Sue would start contradicting herself. One minute, her mother was 6 stone on her deathbed, the next week, she was 4 stone. One week, she’d died of brain cancer, the next month, it was breast cancer.
Things started to not add up. Then a fellow co-worker asked me out and we started dating. By this time, I’d moved in with BS Sue. The three of us kind of became an item in that we all went out together and would go out for meals together.
Then, something strange began to happen. My then-boyfriend from work started going off me. I would come home and find him and BS Sue sat together on the sofa, all cosy. When I arrived home, they’d stop talking.
Eventually, I moved out and ended the relationship with both of them. I found out later that she was spreading rumours that I slept around, I was cheating and that I was horrible to my boyfriend. I confronted her and she had a breakdown, screaming at me, ‘Everybody leaves me in the end!’

4 Ways to Deal with Gaslighting at Work

  1. Make notes of every incident so you have a record of the abuse when you go to HR and report it.
  2. Avoid one-on-ones with the perpetrator. Try and get any meetings or discussions in public where others are present.
  3. Write everything down, for instance, dates of meetings or deadlines for reports. Get the gaslighter to sign off on it.
  4. Set clear boundaries as to what you are expected to do as part of your job and what’s not expected.

Final Thoughts

We spend an awful lot of time at work, so gaslighting is particularly damaging. Call it out when you see it and remember, you’re not going mad.
References:
  1. www.britannica.com
  2. www.tandfonline.com
  3. Image courtesy Wikimedia Scene from the 1944 movie Gaslight with Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman

Janey Davies


About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
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Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

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If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


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Domingo, 26 / 04 / 20

10 Signs of a Spoiled Child: Are You Overindulging Your Kid?

10 Signs of a Spoiled Child: 

Are You Overindulging Your Kid?

Michelle Liew, B. A. 

Contributor writer to Learning Mind.

April 25th, 2019.

 
 
 


 

“To give or not to give” is a question that mystifies almost all parents. So how much should you give your little one before he or she becomes a spoiled child?
Bratty behaviour is off-putting, but how can you prevent it? You don’t want to shortchange your child either. Balance, as always, is the key, and it’s not easy to achieve. Here are some signs that you’ve over-indulged your little hero or heroine.
How does a child become spoiled?
Experts in child psychology such as Dr. Laura Markham cringe at the terms “spoiled” or “brat“. They connote rejection and ruination. These words are also inappropriate to say since it is parents who are accountable for their behaviour. According to Dr. Markham, adults lead children to understand behavioural and social norms. They will not adhere to limits if they are too lax.
Parents often encourage spoiled behaviour unwittingly despite their positive intentions. They are afraid of saying ‘no’ for fear of hurting feelings. Some are just too tired after a day’s work to enforce rules.

10 signs of a spoiled child: so they sound like your kid?

Hence, many parents fail to notice hints of unwanted or temperamental behaviour. Here are a few signs that you may need to rein in your child.

1. Tantrum throwing

This is the first and most obvious sign of a spoiled child. This behavior is one that parents should address immediately and is as clear as day. Should your seven-year-old child throw a fit just because they don’t get to go where they wish to, pull the reins at once. They should start to learn about boundaries and constraints.

2. Your child cannot cope with simple chores

All children must achieve independence, and of course, some will be more independent than others. When your ten-year-old child throws a fit just because breakfast is not on schedule, you know that you’ll need to pull the reins.
It’s challenging to determine if a child has developed undesirable character nuances. Experts suggest that a three-year-old should be able to put their toys away after using them. A ten-year-old should be able to prepare simple meals.

3. You give in to all your child’s requests

Do you find yourself giving in to your child’s whims and fancies for fear that they will throw tantrums? Many hassled parents give in because they cannot bear the thought of another person yelling at them after a long day of work; their bosses had already done that. On other occasions, they just want to bond with their children because their work schedules are tight.
While the intentions are sound, giving in to children to readily isn’t in their best interests. They will start to form unrealistic expectations and want everyone to cater to their whims. When parents immediately satisfy every wish a child has, they grow up into a tempered and immature adult.

4. Negative reaction from peers

In essence, the child will bring out the attitude they receive in their family. If they never get punished when they do something wrong and always get what they fancy, they don’t learn the basic rule of life – every action has consequences. Thus, such a kid will feel entitled, which will affect the way they treat other children.
Furthermore, spoiled children will get adverse reactions from their peers. They may face ostracism because they don’t know how to socialise well. You’ll often find them taking things from others without giving something in return, and of course, the reception to that is almost always as you’d expect.

5. Your child is afraid to lose

Is your child a sore loser? A spoiled child hates competition, even more so when someone else gets to claim the prize they covet. Children must engage in competitive activities and learn that everyone loses occasionally.
Your child should learn that failure is a part of life and they can’t always win. Moreover, unhealthy competitiveness is not going to lead them anywhere. It will only bring them bitterness and anger.

6. The spoiled child speaks in a presumptuous manner

Spoiled kids speak to adults, particularly the ones that they do not like, as less than equals. They presume that they can get everyone to do their bidding, including those who have had years of life experience under their belts. There is a complete disregard for authority.
This kind of attitude reveals a sense of entitlement, so you need to deal with this behavior as soon as possible if you don’t want to see your child developing into a narcissist.

7. You issue empty threats

Your child is spoiled if you find them ignoring your threats of punishment. Unheeded warnings are ineffective and even detrimental. A power struggle is not the way to form meaningful relationships.
Later on, your child may end up handling conflict and disagreements in an unhealthy way, such as becoming manipulative and passive-aggressive. Don’t let your kid adopt this kind of immature approach to relationships.

8. Inconsistent expectations

Parents of spoiled children don’t set boundaries early enough. Their children do as they please because they know that they will not suffer consequences. If you issue a curfew and skip the punishment, your child will view it as an empty threat and ignore it.
When you don’t punish your child if they did something wrong, they don’t learn that their actions have consequences and they need to take responsibility. This is a one-way road to becoming an immature and irresponsible adult.

9. You protect your child from painful emotions

Do you rush to comfort your child each time they whine or stomp their foot? You may have to act quickly to nip the spoiled behaviour in the bud. Children need to process complicated feelings like fear and anger. It’s up to parents to furnish them with that need.
Children of overprotective parents often grow into mentally weak adults who develop unhealthy coping mechanisms. If you don’t want this for your child, you need to let them experience life in all its depth, both negative and positive sides of it. Otherwise, they will never develop resilience and will be helpless when life throws them a curveball.

10. Your child doesn’t understand that money doesn’t grow on trees

You have spoiled your child if they tend to overspend. They think that it is within their rights to get any toy they fancy. But should you indulge them whenever they whine? Children need to learn the process of saving money early, and that the things that they want at the time do not come for free.

Tips for preventing spoiled behaviour in your child

If you are feeling anxious because you have said yes to your child displaying these signs, take heart. You can take steps to counter the behaviour.

1. Set limits

The first order of business is to set limits. You must let your children understand what you like and dislike them to do. Set moral standards as well, as they will be the foundation for a child’s behaviour later on in life.

2. Use open-ended questions

It’s the adults’ responsibility to teach children to reflect on their actions, and they can do so by challenging children with questions that require them to consider the impact of their behaviour. You could ask, “Why do you think that taking the toy away from your brother isn’t the right thing to do?”
Asking them questions that trigger “yes” or “no” responses will show them that they only need to say what you want to hear.

3. Make sure that children do chores

As mentioned earlier, a spoiled child would expect you to do their chores for them. The key to making sure that they understand that nothing is a given is to make them work for what they want. Assign tasks around the home and make sure that they are age-appropriate – you can’t expect a three-year-old to prepare chicken sandwiches for the whole family.
But he or she can help to pick up books and stack them in designated areas. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry has highlighted chores that are suitable for children of different ages.

4. Discipline

It’s also essential to give your children some discipline, which does not mean using a rod every time they err. It implies structure, and it’s up to parents to find their balance.
Free-range parenting, which involves children doing activities at their discretion, works with active parental monitoring. Some parents may prefer to routinise their children. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention advocates the early setting up of firm boundaries. Whatever your balance is, parental involvement in guiding them with appropriate conduct is necessary.

5. Raise children with an attitude of gratitude

While this seems like a commonsensical suggestion, we often neglect it. Sansone, in this study, recognises the potential links between gratitude and well-being, although they require more research. When children learn to say ‘thank you’ often enough, they’ll start doing so as a reflex action. They will make the expression of gratitude part and parcel of their lives.
Does the above description of a spoiled child sound like your kid? If yes, then you need to do something about it. Kids will throw the occasional tantrum, but an adult determines whether a child remains spoiled. These hints ensure that yours will stay grounded.

 
Michelle Liew.
 

 


About the Author: 

Michelle Liew


Michelle is a freelance writer who loves all things about life. She has a broad range of interests that include literature, history, philosophy, human relationships, and psychology. When she is not busy writing her heart out, you will find her tinkering jazz tunes on her piano. She loves anything that helps her to grow as a person, including her pet terriers, Misty and Cloudy.

COPYRIGHT © 2020 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 


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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


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Sábado, 25 / 04 / 20

The Guarded Personality and Its 6 Hidden Powers.

The Guarded Personality and Its 6 Hidden Powers.

By Anna LeMind, B.A.

April 24th, 2020

guarded personality powers behaviors traits.

 
An individual with a guarded personality struggles with showing their affection to other people. If someone you love is a guarded person, you know exactly what it means.
This is not a person who will tell you he or she loves you a dozen times a day. S/he will hardly ever tell you this. They will not give you compliments or express their affection in any other way. They won’t be using lovey-dovey names either. And of course, they will never talk about their feelings. Sounds familiar? If your loved one behaves in this way, it seems that you are in a relationship with a guarded person.
Yes, a person like this is not easy to deal with in a relationship. This kind of emotionally distant behavior may feel like they just don’t care. However, in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Guarded doesn’t equal cold-hearted. More often than not, guarded people are deeply caring and loyal but have no way to show it to those they love.
Now, the question is, is there something wrong with people who have a guarded personality?

Why Do People Become Guarded?

Guarded behavior tends to stem from a person’s innate personality traits or early childhood experiences. But this is not always the case. Sometimes, you become guarded as a result of disappointments and emotional wounds.
Here are the most common factors that shape a guarded personality:

1. Innate personality traits

Inborn aspects of the personality such as a temperament type or introversion/extroversion can lead to guarded behavior in relationships.
It often has to do with emotional unavailability. However, when we say that someone is emotionally unavailable or detached, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are cold-hearted. It may simply mean that a person lacks emotional intelligence or has trouble expressing their emotions.
Moreover, studies show that while qualities like empathy and emotional intelligence can be improved, they tend to greatly rely on hereditary factors. Thus, your guarded loved one may be this way simply because of his or her genetic makeup.

2. Lack of parental love

Sometimes people become guarded because they, in turn, were raised by guarded and emotionally unavailable parents. And it’s not only about the genetic predisposition that we discussed above.
You see, it’s a vicious circle. Emotionally distant people don’t give enough affection to their children, and as a result, these children develop into emotionally distant adults.
Parental and especially maternal love is a basic factor that determines your approach to relationships as an adult. When your mother is emotionally unavailable, you don’t have a healthy example of handling and expressing emotions. And since most children unconsciously learn from their parents’ behavior, you may grow into a guarded adult too.

3. Trauma or negative past experiences

Sometimes we get overly withdrawn and guarded as a result of negative experiences such as a painful breakup or trauma. Once again, the roots of the guarded personality may be hidden in a person’s childhood.
Being a victim of childhood neglect or abuse distorts your ability to process emotions and form healthy relationships as an adult. You may suffer from mental disorders such as social anxiety. As a result, you develop trust issues and an intense fear of rejection and become overly cautious about approaching other people.
Similarly, negative relationship history can make you behave this way. For example, you may have been betrayed, cheated on, or taken for granted. You may have been through a few toxic and abusive relationships. Or maybe you feel like you attract the wrong people all the time and are disappointed with a fruitless search for the right partner.

4. Reserved personality

 
introvert in modern society
Many introverts struggle with expressing themselves in a relationship. Being an introvert is not to say that you are a guarded person though. It just means that you are more restrained when it comes to showing your emotions and communicating your intimate thoughts to those around you.
So you won’t see an introvert calling someone a ‘bestie’ or a ‘friend forever’ a couple of weeks after meeting them. We are very careful about what we say and will never throw out big phrases like ‘I love you’ without actually meaning it.

The Hidden Power of the Guarded Personality

Living with a guarded personality looks like a challenge, doesn’t it? As a guarded person, you never meant to be cold and distant – it is just a behavior that comes naturally to you but doesn’t always reflect your true feelings.
You often want to tell your dear ones how much you care about them, but you simply… can’t. It is as if some invisible force is holding you from showing your love. It feels utterly awkward to even use affectionate words in your speech.
However, despite all these struggles, guarded people have many powerful qualities. Here are some valuable traits of the guarded personality:

1. They are self-sufficient and independent

Being a guarded person often equals being a loner with a reserved personality. Yes, sometimes, people may be so disappointed and hurt that they don’t let anyone in, even those who deserve the risk.
But if you were born this way, having a guarded personality means that you are independent and self-sufficient. So you really don’t need anyone except for a couple of close people you can trust.
And it’s a great power because you rely only on yourself and don’t put your happiness in someone else’s hands. As long as you are not lonely and too withdrawn from society, being guarded can be a smart approach to dealing with people. After all, you can’t blindly trust and open up to those around you. So a certain degree of caution is always necessary.

2. They value quality over quantity

Someone with a guarded personality won’t waste their time on the wrong people. They are self-sufficient and are doing fine on their own, remember? So hanging out with people who make them feel bored or being in a bad relationship just doesn’t make sense.
For this reason, guarded people will never have big social circles full of fake and toxic friends or just random personalities they don’t resonate with. They will keep their circle small but high-quality.
A guarded person may have just a couple of friends throughout their life, and they are perfectly fine with it. Their first priority is to make sure they don’t waste their time on the people who don’t deserve it. And of course, they don’t want to let the wrong people in and get hurt.

3. They have realistic expectations about life and people

More than ever before, we have too high expectations when it comes to relationships and life in general. To the point that they become unrealistic. We constantly see perfect lives, flawless faces, and fairytale-like love stories on social media, TV, and movies. As a result, we start to look for things that simply don’t exist.
But guess what? These dream-like lives and idealistic relationships exist only on the screen. If someone’s life or marriage looks perfect on Instagram or Facebook, it doesn’t mean that this is true in real life too. Guarded people know this better than anyone.
A guarded person never expects too much from others. Quite the opposite, to say the truth. If you were hurt in the past, at some point, you no longer believe in fairytales. Being guarded when it comes to feelings also means that you don’t get overly enthusiastic about people. And it’s a wise thing to do.
Having a realistic approach to relationships means not expecting too much from people and accepting them just the way they are. After all, keeping your expectations low, or at least realistic, is a sure way to avoid too many disappointments.

4. They have firm personal boundaries and know the value of privacy

 
guarded personality personal boundaries
A guarded person won’t tolerate invasive people who don’t respect others’ personal boundaries. Such individuals threaten their sacred personal space, so they will just withdraw. You won’t see a guarded personality become a people-pleaser either. They know how to say no and set clear and firm personal boundaries.
And of course, they will respect other people’s boundaries too. A guarded person will never become nosy or rude. They know the value of privacy and personal space too well to do that.

5. They read people and understand their motives

As you grow older, you learn to read people and their motives. Especially if you’ve had a few bad experiences with relationships and friendships. Yes, sometimes, you may become a little too cautious and even paranoid. But more often than not, your gut instinct is right about people. I would say that a guarded person has a kind of radar that detects toxic, shallow, and fake personalities.
You quickly understand if someone is going to take advantage of you. Or if you just don’t vibe with that person. You read the nuances in their behavior, and if something is not right, you just withdraw. Being on your own is much better than being surrounded by the wrong people.

6. They are real

Finally, guarded people possess a quality that is becoming increasingly rare in our world – they are real. They will never fake their feelings or personality traits. A guarded individual may not be the nicest or the most easy-going person you will ever meet, but they will probably be the realest one. If you manage to approach and make friends with a guarded person, you will get a loyal and authentic friend.
They will never lie or pretend for the sake of being polite or to take advantage of someone. If they don’t like you or don’t agree with you, they won’t pretend that they do. This also means that a guarded personality won’t tolerate these behaviors in other people.
Not caring about impressing others or pretending to be someone you are not is a great power. Our society has become too fake and needs more genuine people, even if they don’t seem nice and warm at first.

There’s More to the Guarded Personality Than It Seems

As you can see from the above, being guarded comes with certain struggles but also powers. If you have a guarded person in your life, cherish them. It’s because they are probably the most loyal and authentic person you will ever meet.

Do you resonate with the description above or know a person who fits it? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
 

Anna LeMind
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About the Author: Anna LeMind

Anna is the founder and lead editor of the website Learning-mind.com. She is passionate about learning new things and reflecting on thought-provoking ideas. She writes about science, psychology and other related topics. She is particularly interested in topics regarding introversion, consciousness and subconscious, perception, human mind's potential, as well as the nature of reality and the universe.
 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

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Segunda-feira, 20 / 04 / 20

5 Signs the Proud Person in Your Life Is Just Arrogant.

5 Signs the Proud Person in Your Life Is Just Arrogant.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle,

M.Sc. & B.Sc.

learning-mind.com

Posted March 19th, 2020.

 
 

 

Pride is the great quality of appreciating your successes and having confidence in your endeavors. However, when does pride become toxic and become a manifestation of arrogance? Could the proud person you know be just conceited? Do you sometimes feel that your significant other isn’t proud but has reached the tipping point of becoming arrogant?

What is the difference between pride and arrogance? Let’s take a look at how to work out whether a proud person is just conceited.

Defining pride:

The dictionary defines pride as:
“Feeling self-respect or pleasure in something by which you measure your self-worth; or being a reason for pride.”
Feelings of pride reflect your emotions arising from an accomplishment. Feeling proud of yourself is linked to an achievement or success that has rewarded your efforts with positivity.
Pride doesn’t just relate to yourself; you can be proud of others or proud of group achievements. It connects with other feelings, such as honor, dignity, and self-respect. Pride is justifiable and has an identifiable reason.
Confidence is not a bad trait, and being proud of your successes can lead to improvements in self-esteem. The problem, of course, comes with overwhelming pride, and when confidence eclipses those positive character traits and becomes arrogance.

Defining arrogance:

Arrogance is not the same thing as pride; a proud person is not necessarily conceited. Being arrogant is similar to other negative perspectives:
  • Vanity
  • Conceitedness
  • Selfishness
  • Disrespectfulness
An arrogant person believes himself or herself to be superior to others, whether or not they have a logical reason to think so. They consider themselves more valuable, their contributions more important, and have excessive expectations of their abilities.
This leads to dominance, an elevated impression of a person’s talent, and a lack of regard or respect for other people around them. Conceitedness is not justifiable, is not necessarily linked to any achievements or successes, and applies only to that person’s opinion of themselves.

Signs that a proud person is just arrogant

1. They demand to be the center of attention

People who have achieved great things have every right to be proud. However, talent speaks for itself, and sometimes the most successful people shy away from the limelight. A conceited person will insist on being the center of attention at all times.
This can manifest as:
  • Talking over people in conversation
  • Raising their voice to be heard, or drowning out others
  • Turning every subject around to talk about themselves
  • Having a dominant personality
  • Refusing to let anybody else make decisions

2. They feel threatened by other proud people

Somebody who has much to feel confident about will welcome interesting conversations, personal challenges, and meeting new people. If you are confident in yourself and have a healthy level of self-respect, it is unusual to feel intimidated by others.
An arrogant person will often feel ‘at risk’ when confronted with other people who, perhaps, would be able to spot the flaws in their persona and contradict their boasting of accomplishments.

3. They are often irritated or annoyed by people they perceive as weak

Selfish people don’t have much time for others, and will usually try to surround themselves with a social group they consider to be their peers. Conceited people also often attempt to ingratiate themselves with connections with greater achievements than their own, either to gain a higher social status or because they believe themselves to be on a par.
Likewise, an arrogant person will find quieter people or those they consider to be weak an annoyance. They do not have empathy, will not be willing to spend any time with people who don’t further their objectives, and will quickly become frustrated and annoyed.

4. They always believe themselves to be right

Vanity means believing your ideas, suggestions or thoughts to be far superior to those that anybody else could come up with. Arrogant people are uncompromising and extremely difficult to work and live with.
Have you ever seen somebody watching an expert on the news, or viewing a professional sports event, and insist that they know better, or could have done a better job? That is an example of excessive pride, whereby a person truly thinks his or her power of thought, and physical performance is better than anybody else’s – no matter how much evidence there might be to the contrary!

5. They have no respect for other people

If people have an extremely high opinion of themselves, they probably don’t have much room in their psyche for considering anybody else.
A person with excess pride will often show this in lots of small ways, which can conclusively point to their lack of respect for other people:
  • Always being late
  • Never doing a favor for anybody else
  • Having high expectations from the people in their lives
  • Being unwilling to show any generosity
  • Speaking over people
  • Putting the phone down without saying goodbye
  • Interrupting constantly

Conclusion

Being proud and confident are not bad qualities to have. Everybody should feel a sense of pride when they have achieved something difficult, or shown resilience and forbearing. However, arrogance is something quite different, and spending a lot of time around it can be draining.
If you think that the proud person in your life may be arrogant, perhaps now is the time to address the problem. They may not realize that their behaviors have gone too far, and being conscious of how they come across could be a wake-up call to reel in the temptation to dominate every relationship.
An innately conceited person might not be capable of change, in which case the best thing to do is to consider your capacity to manage and cope with their personality. If it is harming you, and you constantly feel exhausted by having to make up for their bad behavior, it may be time to start putting yourself first.

 

Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 
 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 


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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
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Sábado, 18 / 04 / 20

5 Signs You Are Being Ghosted and How to Deal with It.

5 Signs You Are Being Ghosted and How to Deal with It.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle.

learning-mind.com

Posted March 17th, 2020.

 
 
 
Being ghosted is not a great feeling. Ghosting is when a person you have been dating, usually at an early stage of the relationship suddenly starts ignoring you. They don’t reply to messages, perhaps even block you and effectively turn into a ‘ghost’.
So how do you know if your boyfriend or girlfriend is ghosting you, or is just really busy at the moment and hasn’t had time to reply? Is it worth moving on, or do they need a little more time?
Here are some sure-fire signs that you are being ghosted – or are about to be – and how to deal with it.

1. Vague or abrupt responses

A person who has decided to cut your relationship out of their life may show signs that you are about to experience being ghosted. One of the first signs is abrupt messages that signify a lack of interest and care.
If you have sent a long, cheerful message chatting about your weekend, and receive back ‘ok’, this is a warning sign. Likewise, when you express an interest and ask about how their day is going and you get back a one-word answer, this shows you that your messages are not a priority.
Perhaps your beau is having a really busy day. However, if this is a sudden change from the previous behavior, it might be wise to prepare yourself for being ghosted. Not taking any time to respond or converse is an indicator that you are not a priority.

2. No interest in plans

Whether or not your prospective date has expressed their feelings, if you feel that you are being ghosted you may find that they have no interest in making plans. This may be because they have already decided to move on and just have failed to let you know!
If you have previously had a regular date, for example, and double-check where you are meeting on Friday and receive a non-committal response, it might be time to start moving on yourself.

3. Lack of interest in the conversation

An early warning sign that you might be about to be ghosted is a general lackadaisical conversation style; not responding to questions, not asking you any questions back and generally making no effort to engage in discussions.
Somebody who has already decided not to take the relationship further is not going to spend time and energy on vibrant conversations. Some people, of course, are just not chatty in the morning. However, if you see a surprising change in their tine, they might be about to ghost you.

4. Canceling dates

Everybody has to cancel sometimes; unforeseen circumstances and forgotten commitments are a fact of life. Last-minute cancellations without any specific reason or constant cancellations are something altogether different.
Particularly if a date is continually postponed, it might be an avoidance tactic from a partner not brave enough to tell you that they don’t ever plan to attend.

5. Using emojis or poor grammar

Another recent sign of being ghosted is a general lack of effort. Using emojis rather than taking the time to write out a response is a lazy and effortless way of communicating. Likewise, very poor grammar shows a person who isn’t bothered about how their message is received and is not willing to take the time to read back through what they have written before they press the send button.
Now, some people do struggle with grammar and it isn’t uncommon to communicate with emojis. However, if this is a change from the norm, it may indicate a general lack of interest.

How to deal with being ghosted?

Being ghosted feels horrible. It is akin to being deleted from somebody’s life without any prior warning. The lack of a conversation to explain how you both feel does not allow for closure, and you could be left hanging not understanding what is happening.

If you are being ghosted, here are some tips to help deal with it:

1. Make sure you aren’t jumping to conclusions.

Many factors of life can cause somebody to become distant. They might be overwhelmed with college work, have an ill family member or be under a lot of pressure in their job. So always make sure to check the facts before jumping to conclusions.

2. Check in to make sure everything is ok.

There could have been an incident or accident which they haven’t been able to let you know about. If somebody suddenly disappears, it is worth taking the time to make sure they are ok before making any decisions.

3. Send them a message.

If you know that you are being ghosted, it may help to send them a message. This depends on your feelings and the circumstances, but it may be cathartic to explain your emotions of hurt and disappointment. If this gives you closure, then go for it – but don’t expect a reply.

4. Do not go back.

Someone who has ghosted you might suddenly pop back into your life a few months later. Don’t go there; they have dismissed you once, they are very likely to have the same disregard for your feelings again.

5. Get back out there.

If you are looking for love, the worst thing you can do after being ghosted is to expect the same from every future date. There are lots of wonderful single people in the world so try to move on from the negativity of being ghosted and start dating somebody new.

6. Talk to your friends.

If being ghosted has given your self-esteem a knock, air your feelings with your friends, family, or even a new date. It will help to explain any vulnerabilities you have, and perhaps give them a better understanding of why you react a little excessively if they don’t get back to you straight away.

7. Keep your head high.

Ghosting is a cowardly and insensitive way to end a relationship. You are not at fault, so make sure that you acknowledge the disrespectful nature of being ghosted and don’t carry it around with you for too long.
References:
  1. Men’s Health
  2. Business Insider
 

Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 
 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 


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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
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Domingo, 12 / 04 / 20

How to Handle Emotional Overwhelm as an Empath in a Crisis

How to Handle Emotional Overwhelm as an Empath in a Crisis 

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

April 11th, 2020

 

Being an empath means constantly picking up on the emotions of other people. Be it positive, or more often negative, empaths can feel and manifest emotions that aren’t their own. This is usually uncomfortable but manageable under typical circumstances. Unfortunately, we aren’t under typical circumstances right now, and negative emotions are everywhere. Empaths everywhere are taking on more feelings than ever, and rapidly developing emotional overwhelm.
The whole world is under constant stress. I can’t imagine there are many people who are handling the current coronavirus pandemic with ease. For an emotional empath, this means being constantly exposed to very intense emotions.
Empaths are often able to pick up on the emotions of others through means other than being up close and personal with others. Television, posts online and phone calls are all possible sources of emotional overwhelm.

What Is Emotional Overwhelm?

You enter a state of emotional overwhelm when the intensity of emotions you feel outweigh your ability to handle them. When empaths are exposed to a lot of serious negative emotions, they can be quickly overwhelmed and find themselves unable to process what they’re experiencing.
In a state of emotional overwhelm, your ability to think and be rational is hindered because of the mess of thoughts in your mind. This painful state of mind can get in the way of daily life if it’s not addressed well. It could even disrupt relationships if it prevents proper rationalization and communication.
It’s common for non-empaths to experience emotional overwhelm too. There are a whole host of possible causes, such as stress, trauma, difficult relationships. Major life changes or events, just as we’re all experiencing right now, can bring on emotional overwhelm for anybody. This means empaths could be taking on multiple doses.

Signs You’re Suffering from Emotional Overwhelm

In any situation, it’s important to be able to detect when you’re developing emotional overwhelm before it’s too late. Most notably, emotional overwhelm will cause a big reaction to seemingly small problems. When your bucket is full, even the smallest droplets will cause it to overflow.
When your mind is cluttered with too many thoughts, feelings, and emotions, as empaths often are, you might have difficulty focusing on tasks you’re supposed to be doing. You might even find yourself struggling to sleep, despite feeling more tired.
Emotional overwhelm can be similar to depression. The inability to process negative thoughts means you might not feel the same joy during usually “good” experiences.
Emotional overwhelm, much like any mental health issue, can cause physical symptoms. The tension in your body caused by being under inescapable stress can lead to headaches and muscle pains and even nausea and dizziness.
Ultimately, emotional overwhelm can result in missed meals, failed work projects and lost relationships. Fortunately, emotional overwhelm doesn’t have to be a long-term issue. There are ways to cope with it.

How to Cope with Emotional Overwhelm

There’s no need to let the emotional overwhelm take over your life. Handling emotions as an empath is almost second nature, but in very tense situations like we’re in right now, even the most experienced empath needs some guidance.

Remove the Stimuli

The easiest way to cope with emotional overwhelm is to reduce the influx of negative stimuli. Try to stay away from places online where people might be sharing their negative feelings. It might feel wrong at first, but any empath should also consider limiting their time as a friend’s “shoulder to cry on”.
Right now, everyone has very intense emotions and if it’s not going to be healthy for you to take on multiple cases of distress, it might be best to be honest and admit you can’t be their go-to for now.
Obviously, no one should be out in public now unless it’s really essential, but if you needed more reasons to stay in, here’s one. As an empath, you’re going to pick up on an awful lot of stress and sadness even if you’re only visiting the store.

Learn to Release It

Of course, it’s easier said than done for anyone, especially empath, but it’s very beneficial to learn to let go of those emotions. Letting negative emotions, especially the ones that don’t belong to you, sink too deep will really harm your mental state.
To reduce your emotional overwhelm you could try a number of activities, like meditation or yoga, or even screaming loudly to release the tension if that’s your kind of thing. When you feel those emotions bubble up, breathe and release them. It’s important to remind yourself that they aren’t yours to harbor.

Let It in

You know what they say – if you can’t beat them, join them. If you find yourself totally unable to release the emotions you’ve taken on that have caused emotional overwhelm, then let them in. Don’t wallow in them, simply acknowledge and greet them.
Note what each feeling is, be it anger, sadness or anxiety. Note whether you feel they’re your own or something you picked up from the external world.
File those emotions in their correct place, and suddenly you’ll find it easier to think straight. A cluttered mind is hard to function with. Consider journaling, or just opening up and confiding in someone. Once you can see things more clearly, the emotional overwhelm will reduce significantly.

Mental Distractions

When processing and talking, meditation or other mindfulness activities don’t seem to be doing the job, you can always try distractions to reduce the impact of emotional overwhelm. Everyone needs some peace in their minds at times. There’s nothing wrong with involving yourself in something that will occupy your mind.
Reading, drawing and other arts are great for absorbing your attention. There’s also nothing wrong with video games and computers if you aren’t of the arty persuasion.

Physical Distractions

When you feel the negative effects of emotional overwhelm coming on, try bringing your attention back to your body instead of your mind. You could try fidget device for a momentary distraction. Exercise of any form is a great physical distraction.
For immediate distraction and a return to your body, not your mind, try extreme sensations. You could put your hands in hot or cold water, or even pinch yourself a little when you feel like your mind is running away from you.
Times are incredibly uneasy right now. None of us are handling it particularly well, and empaths can feel that. If, as an empath, you’re falling quickly into a state of emotional overwhelm, take it easy on yourself. Look after your mind and preserve your own mental health first. Times like these are difficult but not impossible.
References:
  1. https://www.goodtherapy.org
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com
 
 
 
 

 

Becky Storey
 

 



 

About the Author: Becky Storey
 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
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Sexta-feira, 10 / 04 / 20

Spiritual Loneliness: The Most Profound Type of Loneliness.

Spiritual Loneliness: 

The Most Profound Type of Loneliness.

By Anna LeMind, M.A.

April 9th, 2020

.

 

 

Loneliness is more widespread today than ever before. In our modern world, we are staying virtually connected all the time but feel more detached from each other in real life. Many people find themselves socially and emotionally lonely, but few know what spiritual loneliness is.
Recent events have further heightened the feelings of loneliness. Social distancing measures require us to stay at home and avoid unnecessary contact with other people. With this mandatory isolation, it makes sense why you might be feeling lonely right now, especially if you are an outgoing person.
But did you know that loneliness has many facets? And today, we will talk about the most profound and painful one – the spiritual loneliness.

4 Types of Loneliness

I believe there are four basic types of loneliness:
  1. Social loneliness: the most common type. You could be feeling socially lonely right now when you are stuck in your home and can’t see your friends or family. You can also experience it when you lack social connections or activities.
  2. Emotional loneliness: doesn’t necessarily involve being alone or lacking connections. You could have friends and family but feel emotionally disconnected from them. It comes from a lack of understanding and the inability to relate to those around you.
  3. Mental loneliness: the inability to discuss things that feel important and interesting to you with other people. Similarly to emotional loneliness, it can come from a lack of understanding – but in an intellectual sense of it. A lack of intellectually compatible or like-minded individuals to share your interests and views with.
  4. Spiritual loneliness: doesn’t come from a lack of social or emotional connections. An overall feeling of detachment from everyone and belonging nowhere. Feeling that your life is incomplete and lacks meaning. A vague sense of longing, but you can’t say what or who you long for.

How Does Spiritual Loneliness Feel?

While the other types of loneliness tend to be temporary and occur only in certain periods of your life, spiritual one is not. This feeling haunts you for a lifetime. You may not experience it every day, but you know it is always there and sooner or later, it will show up again.
Here are a few symptoms of spiritual loneliness:

Life is passing you by

It may seem like life is passing you by and everyone else participates in something you are a stranger to. You may feel disconnected from reality and clueless about life while everyone else seems to know what they are doing.
No matter what you do, where you are or who you are with, it feels not enough. As if you long for some unknown place, person or thing. Like there is something bigger, deeper and more meaningful and your life lacks it.

Longing for unknown somewhere and belonging nowhere

There is a beautiful Welsh word “Hiraeth”, which stands for a longing for home. However, it describes a very specific type of homesickness – for something that no longer exists or may have never existed. Hiraeth could be a longing for the homeland of your ancestors you have never been to.
I believe this word perfectly describes the feeling of spiritual loneliness. It’s like you don’t belong in this world and your place is somewhere else, far from here, but you don’t know where this is.
You may have felt this way when gazing into the starry sky on a dark summer night. It’s as if some far-away unknown homeland is calling you through the depths of the universe. However, with spiritual loneliness, you feel this way on a regular basis, not only when you look at the sky.

Detachment from everyone

Spiritual loneliness gets even more intense when you are surrounded by other people. You feel that you just can’t relate to them no matter what you do.
Have you ever been in the company of people you barely know who were discussing something you didn’t have a clue about? For example, their common acquaintance or a hobby they share. So you just sat there feeling a total stranger, unable to take part in the conversation. In situations like this, anyone would feel lonely.
But as a spiritually lonely person, this is your normal emotional state when you are with other people, especially at a large social gathering. It’s like there is an invisible wall that separates you from others.
In this example with the group discussion, the energies of people who participate in the conversation sort of unite into one big sphere. And you remain outside of this sphere. Everyone is connected with each other – but you. You always play the role of an outside observer.
This is what spiritual loneliness feels like.

The Spiritual Loneliness of Deep Thinkers

I believe this type of loneliness affects deep thinkers in the first place. All those people who are prone to reflection, self-analysis and overthinking. Visionaries, romantics and dreamers. It’s not a coincidence that many writers refer to spiritual loneliness in their literary works, even though they don’t use this specific word for it.For example, Russian existentialist author Fyodor Dostoevsky writes in his famous novel “Idiot”: 
What had so tormented him was the idea that he was a stranger to all this, that he was outside this glorious festival. What was this universe? What was this grand, eternal pageant to which he had yearned from his childhood up, and in which he could never take part? […]
Everything knew its path and loved it, went forth with a song and returned with a song; only he knew nothing, understood nothing, neither men nor words nor any of nature’s voices; he was a stranger and an outcast.
Albert Einstein, a genius physicist who was also an INTP and a deep thinker, probably suffered from spiritual loneliness too. He said:
It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.

Is It Possible to Overcome Spiritual Loneliness?

If you are a spiritually lonely person, there is no ‘magic’ way to stop being one once and for all. There are only ways to silence this pain of not belonging. The problem with spiritual loneliness is that you can’t find what exactly is missing from your life and what you long for.
You know those times when you try to remember an exciting dream you just had, but no matter how hard you try, it just slips away from your mind. This is how it goes with spiritual loneliness. No matter how hard you try to find its source, you can’t. It’s just the way it is.
For example, a way to end social loneliness is to go out more often and make new connections. Emotional loneliness is more tricky, but it is still possible to find people you can relate to and who will understand you. With mental loneliness, all it takes is to find a like-minded person to have deep conversations with. Not easy, but achievable.
But as for spiritual loneliness, you can’t solve a problem without knowing its cause. And the existential depth of this loneliness makes it difficult to deal with.
In my experience, the only way to cope with it is to accept it.
Accept the fact that spiritual loneliness will be your lifetime companion. Make friends with it. When it shows up, don’t try to get rid of it. This will only lead to resentment and bottled emotions. Instead, let yourself feel it in all its depth.
At some point, you will get used to it. You will see how pain and darkness turn into bittersweet nostalgia and melancholic thoughtfulness.
And most importantly, if you relate to the above, remember that no matter how spiritually lonely you are, you are not alone.
 

Anna LeMind
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About the Author: Anna LeMind

Anna is the founder and lead editor of the website Learning-mind.com. She is passionate about learning new things and reflecting on thought-provoking ideas. She writes about science, psychology and other related topics. She is particularly interested in topics regarding introversion, consciousness and subconscious, perception, human mind's potential, as well as the nature of reality and the universe.
 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


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publicado por achama às 04:22
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Segunda-feira, 06 / 04 / 20

Study: Why Saying ‘Thank You’ Is Better Than Saying ‘I’m Sorry’.

Study: 

Why Saying ‘Thank You’ Is Better Than Saying ‘I’m Sorry’.

Jamie Logie, B. Sc.

learning-mind.com

April 5, 2020 .

 
saying thank you instead of im sorry.

 

 

Could the simple approach of altering an apology and saying thank you be a much better form of communication?
Expressing gratitude is something they teach us from a young age. It shows appreciation, kindness, and respect. You probably never think of saying thank you when it comes to apologizing – but it may be a more effective approach.
If you work and deal with the public, this can be a much more effective strategy than constantly apologizing. This isn’t just for someone who works in retail, but switching from saying ‘I’m sorry’ to ‘Thank you‘ may help in your daily relationships.
This article looks at a recent study that took a deeper look into this approach.

The Science Behind Why Saying ‘Thank You’ Is Better

This study was a multi-university approach and dealt with the issue of customer service satisfaction. The University of South Carolina, New Mexico State University, Zhejiang University in China, and The Ohio State University worked together to investigate this.
They looked at the issue of consumers’ expectations of quality service being higher than ever. Business leaders around the world have recognized this increase in service quality demand. At the same time, it’s clear that there are many issues surrounding customer interactions with service providers.
The attempt of this study was to find the best way to restore customer satisfaction as it’s needed in retail and business. The whole issues go far beyond a consumer feeling disregarded as poor customer service is costing companies billions of dollars. In 2016, the U.S. lost a staggering $1.6 trillion dollars because of customers switching to competing companies. This was all because of poor service. This has a spillover effect because of word-of-mouth and the damage that comes from this.
These days, word-of-mouth happens online – and it happens fast. Poor service has led to 44% of unsatisfied customers venting about it on social media. A bad review or report that goes viral can sink a company. This is nowhere more clear than in the hospitality industry, with a large proportion of consumers unsatisfied with how things go when dining out.
So what we have we seen to remedy this situation, and how can you apply it to your own life?

Why You Need to Stop Apologizing

The study looked at how service providers could restore customer satisfaction after a service failure. They focused on two different forms of recovery communication; saying ‘thank you’ (showing appreciation) and saying ‘sorry’ (the apology). The example the study gives has to do with a plumber who was late for an appointment: the plumber could either say “I am sorry you had to wait,” or “Thank you for your patience.”
The study found that showing appreciation to the consumer was a more effective approach. Saying ‘thank you’ was better at restoring consumer satisfaction than saying “I’m sorry.”
This has practical effects in real-world situations. When service providers show appreciation, the consumer becomes satisfied that the situation has been recovered in the best way possible. This leads the customer to stick with that business, recommend it to others, and less likely to complain in the future.
When you constantly say you’re sorry to someone, they get the sense that you aren’t doing everything in your power to improve the situation. Only saying sorry to a person (whether it’s a customer, friend, associate, etc) gives them the impression that you’ve washed your hands of things and what’s done is done.
According to the study, saying ‘I’m sorry’ emphasizes the service provider’s fault, while saying ‘thank you’ makes the customer feel more important.

Why Is Saying Thank You So Much More Powerful?

The sense of importance a customer feels is because saying thank you highlights their merits and contributions. When you say ‘thank you for your patience’ you are showing the positive contribution they have made. This may seem small, but it’s a way to improve a person’s self-esteem. With business, it enhances post-recovery satisfaction. With a friend or family member, it enhances the bond between the two of you.
When you say ‘Thank you’ instead of ‘I’m sorry’ – in any aspect of your life – it helps you deal with even the most difficult people. A narcissistic person only thinks of themselves, and if you can highlight their contribution and merits, they embrace this and can adapt quicker. Saying ‘I’m sorry’ takes the emphasis away from them and puts it on you.
Sometimes an apology is needed, but you just need to read the situation and see what it calls for. In the service industry example; saying ‘thank you’ (the appreciative approach) will be the best approach for those highly narcissistic people. The appreciation approach might not work as well for customers and people who are quiet, shy and show low narcissism.

What to Take Away from This Study

The key takeaway is that saying ‘thank you’ isn’t a way to get out of apologizing, but has some real resolution power to it. If you work in a retail setting, this can be a great time to use this method with the rise of angry and unreasonable customers. Besides saying ‘thank you for your patience,’ you can also use variations of:
  • Thank you for your understanding
  • Thank you for coming to me with this
  • I appreciate you bringing this to my attention, thank you
On a personal level, saying ‘thank you’ does a better job of resolving a conflict with another person. The appreciation approach gets you onto their level and they feel valued. It’s all about shifting the focus from things being your fault and spotlight the merit in others.
People rarely feel appreciated, and if you can do this in a negative situation, you create a better bond, connection, and resolution with that person. Ultimately, they go away feeling better about themselves.
Saying ‘thank you’ isn’t a cop-out, it’s a simple way to improve the lives of those around you.
References:
  1. https://journals.sagepub.com
  2. https://psychcentral.com
.
 

About the Author: Jamie Logie, B.Sc.

Jamie Logie is a certified personal trainer, nutritionist, and health & wellness specialist. He holds a bachelor of science (B.Sc.) degree in Kinesiology from the University of Western Ontario, studied sociology and psychology at Western University and has a counseling diploma from Heritage Baptist College. He has run a blog and top-rated podcast on iTunes called "Regained Wellness". Jamie is also a contributing writer for places like the Huffington Post, Thrive Global, LifeHack and has an Amazon #1 book called "Taking Back Your Health".

 
Patrick Montgomery:
I believe it’s appropriate to say both “I’m sorry” and “Thank you” in the same situation, if applicable. For example, if you’re late to a meeting with me, you’ve just wasted some of my time and my time, as with everyone’s, is valuable and finite. I need to know you understand and appreciate this concept. Even if being late was beyond your control. Apologize. And then say “thank you for your patience and understanding” which will assuage my annoyance letting me know you appreciate my situation making it possible for a productive meeting without any attitudes or misunderstandings. Neither “thank you” or “I’m sorry” should be over used as a go to response unnecessarily. I understand this study is primarily geared to customer service, however, it appears your suggesting to use this “thank you” approach in social or other professional situations. Don’t. Regardless of what the study says, if somebody screws up my order and says the words “thank you” in their first response sentence to me instead of apologizing, I’m thinking they’re clueless and WTF?! What I won’t be thinking is; “Gee, that was refreshing and nice. This company gets it. I’m gonna tell everybody about this positive experience”.
 


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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

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publicado por achama às 17:35
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Quarta-feira, 25 / 03 / 20

Social Distancing from an Introvert’s Point of View.

Social Distancing from an Introvert’s Point of View.

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

March 25th, 2020

 

 
 
Our world is plagued with fake people who pretend to be something they aren’t. It’s not unusual to fall for a fake, no matter what they’re pretending to be. Sometimes, we just trust too easily. When you fall for a fake empath’s lies, it could be emotionally or mentally damaging. For your own sake, it’s a good idea to know what to look for when spotting a fake.
 
Despite how wholesome being an empath is at its root, there are still people who make it into something less than that. Fake empaths are, unfortunately, common. People claim to have this gift for all sorts of reasons. Often, fake empaths are narcissists.
 
Empaths and narcissists are on opposite ends of the same spectrum. They insist that they are highly sensitive to other people’s emotions and can “just tell how you feel” in order to manipulate you in some way for their own gain.
 
What Is an Empath?
 
A real empath is a person who can tune in, or feel, the emotions of others. This extends to animals and even the emotional “vibe” of certain places. Oftentimes, empaths are portrayed as having a psychic ability similar to mind reading.
 
Fake empaths particularly love the recognition that comes with this theory. While some might believe in the psychic aspects, others lean more towards the idea that empaths are just highly sensitive to emotions and actively try to feel the emotions of others.
 
Real empaths are born with their abilities and may never know they have such a gift. They may live their entire lives assuming that it’s normal to pick up on everyone’s emotions so easily. With or without their knowledge, empaths use a whole array of tools to understand another person’s emotions. These include body language, tone of voice and even the words a person uses. Fake empaths are unlikely to even notice such subtle changes.
 
For strongly empathic people, distance has no impact on their abilities. Even live TV, documentaries and reality shows can give emotional impressions to an empath. For this reason, real empaths will often avoid seeing shows that are heavy with emotion.
 
 
5 Differences between Fake Empaths and Real Empaths
 
1. They Want to Diagnose You
 
Fake empaths want to tell YOU how YOU feel. Instead of simply trying to understand and be in tune with how you feel, as a real empath would do, they want to read you. They want to diagnose your feelings and they want everyone to know about it.
 
For example, imagine you’re having a hard time and have been a little quieter than usual. A real empath would naturally feel this and would understand why. Be it anxiety or maybe sadness, they’ll feel it too. They probably won’t tell you that they feel your emotions too, they’ll just try to help without making a fuss.
 
A fake empath will turn it into a guessing game, without a sympathetic approach. They just want you to notice that they’ve “read you”.
 
2. They Don’t Take “No” Well
 
If a fake empath comes up with an incorrect assumption of you, which is most likely, they won’t handle being corrected very well. Fake empaths pretend to be this way for attention and to feel like they have a special power that makes them superior, and sometimes even god-like.
 
Whilst a real empath would be apologetic and uncomfortable if they had been wrong about how you felt, a fake one would be defensive. They’re likely to insist that you’re wrong about your own emotions. After all, they’re the ones with the magical powers, right?
 
3. They Will Note Your Negative Emotions, Not Positive Ones
 
Fake empaths want to feel like they’ve caught you out, so they’ll try to reveal emotions you would be keeping secret. If they think you’re angry at someone, they’ll announce that “they can feel it” because they’re empathetic. The same goes for any sadness or discomfort they might think you have.
 
Real empaths enjoy when others feel positive emotions because they can feel it too. They get to share in the good feelings and they’re happy to tell you they’re experiencing the same emotions. Fake empaths won’t bother with noting your positive emotions, because they’re not as exciting or dramatic enough to get them attention.
 
4. They Tell Everyone They’re Empaths
 
There are very few signs that make it clearer that someone is not an empath than them telling everyone that they are. Real empaths don’t need or want the attention and confusion that comes from sharing their abilities. If you reveal that you can feel the emotions of others, you’re likely to be met with questions. Fake empaths love this. They crave the attention.
 
5. They Blame Emotional Influence
 
As a real empath, you’re constantly taking in the emotional experiences of the people and places around you. This can be fatiguing and will have some impact on your own mood. Fake empaths will let this be an excuse for their bad moods and bad behavior, while real empaths would never.
 
Real empaths understand that it is possible to be influenced by the outside world, but they wouldn’t let it become negative or impact the people around them. If emotions get too strong, they would rather take themselves away for a while than hurt their family or friends.
 
Fake empaths will become angry and even rude and snappy, then blame it on the influence of others instead of taking responsibility for lashing out.
 
Fake Empaths Can Be Dangerous
 
Fake empaths are particularly dangerous people because of their assumed control over your emotions. In order to protect yourself from these people, it’s important to know the differences between things a fake empath and a real one. If someone in your life shows signs of being fake, it’s best to stay away.
 
References:
  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com
  2. https://medium.com
 
 
 

 

Becky Storey
 

 



 

About the Author: Becky Storey
 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

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publicado por achama às 23:11
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Quarta-feira, 25 / 03 / 20

7 Fun Things to Do at Home That Will Work for Extrovert

 

7 Fun Things to Do at Home That Will Work for Extroverts

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted March 24th, 2020.

 
 
 
 
Even when you can’t go out with friends, there are many fun things to do at home when you’re an extrovert.
 
I’m no extrovert, but I know many of them. They love going out and socializing, love shopping, and also love to attend large events as well. Right now, so many of us are confined to our homes due to various reasons.
 
In order to make this an evergreen post, I cannot only focus on the viral crisis at hand. There are many reasons why even extroverts sometimes end up stuck in their homes, and when this happens, they may struggle to find fun things to do.
 
It’s time to use a bit of imagination, I believe
 
As an introvert, I have no problem being happy at home. Sometimes, I can sit for hours and just think and be perfectly happy about that. For extroverts, however, being away from others can be painful. It’s because it goes completely against their character and personality.
 
And the truth is, there’s nothing wrong with either of us – the introvert and the extrovert are both normal characters. But, I want to help because if it was someone trying to help me get out and socialize more, I would want to return the favor by helping someone who is outgoing, be able to enjoy themselves in lockdown. So, let’s help.
 
Fun things to do at home for the extrovert
 
1. Spend time with those in your home
 
If you’re an extrovert but don’t live alone, you’re in luck. If you cannot go out and spend time with friends, you can find new ways to spend time with the people in your home.
 
Whether you live with family or roommates, you can enjoy all sorts of games, play music and dance, or create a home theatre environment. All you need is a selection of movies, popcorn, and refreshments. Feel free to pretend you are really at the theater and it can be loads of fun for many days.
 
2. Talk on the phone
 
What’s one substitution for socializing face to face? That’s right, talking on the phone. If you cannot go visit friends right now, you can call them and talk about whatever you want. It’s a given, really. And yes, over time, this might get old, and that’s why we have to do other things too.
 
But hey, call your friends, and talk about those events and shopping trips of the past. Then have a good laugh together.
 
3. Facetime, skype or other video chat options
 
If you cannot socialize in person, you can conduct a video call. You can even have a group video chat if you like. I haven’t done this in quite some time, and it was usually only for business, but from what I remember, there are a few options for group chat available. And you always have skype and facetime.
 
Use them and spend time being silly with your friends. It will help you stay in touch with your extroverted reality, and help ward off depression due to lack of socialization. Yes, this is a fun thing for extroverts to do when they are stuck at home.
 
4. Video or computer games
 
Considering the fact that extroverts enjoy social time so much, they usually enjoy online gaming as well, whether it’s using a video game console or by computer. Instead of just talking online, which can get old over time, extroverts can choose to play all sorts of interactive games to amuse themselves and hang out with friends.
 
I know many people who play online games almost every day. If you cannot get out, then you can use this experience to make you feel more like you are together with those you care about outside the home.
 
5. Go for a hike
 
Usually, extroverts love to hike with friends, but even when they can’t, enjoying this pastime alone can be refreshing. It breaks the monotony of staying inside. While hiking, you can enjoy the communion with nature as if the trees, the birds, and other elements are your human friends.
 
In fact, you probably should have been doing this all along. You may find yourself talking out loud to the elements and that’s okay too. As long as this process helps soothe your restless nature, it’s doing its job.
 
6. Enjoy performances from home
 
Many extroverts love attending concerts and festivals. But if you cannot leave your home, this will be impossible. There are a few fun ways you can enjoy this experience from home that would be almost good enough.
 
First of all, there are many televised musical performances and online concerts you can watch that will make you feel as though you really are attending a gathering.
 
7. Listen to music
 
If you cannot find entertainment of your choosing online or on television, then just drag out those records and CDS. Maybe you have a huge playlist on your phone or computer.
 
Either way, listening to music can be a great balm for missing friends and social events. Just close your eyes and think back on former events and listening to music with friends. Music is extremely therapeutic.
 
Making adjustments for the extrovert
 
As I said, I am an introvert, and I enjoy time at home alone. I get nervous in large crowds and prefer quiet most of the time. When I am outside this element of comfort, I get anxiety. I believe extroverts are prone to anxiety when they cannot socialize, so although I cannot relate, I do sympathize.
 
This is why I open the conversation for others who are extroverts during this time to offer other fun things they can do within the home. Please feel free to offer suggestions and ideas.
 
I hope everyone is staying safe in this turbulent time.
 
 
References:
  1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
  2. https://www.verywellmind.com
 


 

Sherrie Hurd


 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 22:10
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Sábado, 21 / 03 / 20

Social Distancing from an Introvert’s Point of View.

Social Distancing from an Introvert’s Point of View.

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

March 20th, 2020

 

 

 
 
 
We’re living in strange and unprecedented times right now and it can all feel a little overwhelming. We’re (hopefully) all pulling our own weight and following the advice of professionals. Together with keeping up our hand washing and general cleanliness in public places, the whole world has been given one clear instruction – practice social distancing.
 
Before the Coronavirus (COVID-19) Outbreak, I had never heard the term “social distancing” and I think it’s fair to say I’m not the only one. It is a new phrase sweeping the globe and it’s been a bit of an adjustment for some. But for the others, we’ve have been practicing social distancing all our lives without even noticing.
 
Being an introvert and social distancing go hand in hand.
What Is Social Distancing?
 
Governments and medical professionals all over the world have requested that we all practice social distancing. This strategy’s aim is to reduce and slow down the spread of the virus, so we don’t overwhelm our medical services and hospitals.
 
The rules of social distancing are simple, and incredibly attractive to an introvert. Stay in your own home as much as possible – easy. Avoid gatherings and large crowds – delightful. Work from home and avoid public transport – done and done. If you do have to go out, avoid other people – what more could we want!?
 
If we all follow these rules, even if we feel completely healthy, we can prevent the virus from spreading must further and we can minimize the risk of vulnerable people catching it.
What Is Social Distancing to An Introvert?
 
Whilst everyone else is panicking about what they’ll do during this time of social distancing, introverts aren’t feeling much different at all. We all feel the stress and the fear, but being self-isolated isn’t the issue.
 
We’ve honed the art of being alone after years of voluntary isolation. Except, to an introvert, it’s not isolation at all, it’s necessary me-time. Constant social interaction, large crowds and being out in the world all day can be exhausting for an introvert. Our homes are our safe places that we retreat to for refueling. It is now a government instruction that we have to stay home as much as possible, which means never running low on fuel at all.
 
Most of us introverts will understand the nerves that arrive on Friday as we start to worry that we’ll be invited out. Weekends are prime time for parties, loud gatherings and late nights. Fridays are for planning your excuses. What better excuse than a government-imposed social distancing scheme.
 
“Sorry, I can’t go out. The Government says no.” There’s never been a more legitimate excuse since our Mothers were in charge of our schedule.
 
Even better is the reduction in invites altogether. Suddenly there is no expectation to get out there and overwhelm and exhaust yourself. We are free to be as introverted as we need.
What Can Extroverts Learn from Social Distancing?
 
Extroverts thrive in the presence of company. For some, it truly is the more the merrier. Their love of being around others could make this time of social distancing feel quite difficult. Fortunately, there’s plenty to be learned from their fellow introverts.
 
What better time than now to learn how to be comfortable in your own company. A great skill to have is the ability to entertain yourself and be alone with your thoughts.
 
Extroverts tend to have a habit of filling their time and mind so much that they don’t have to consider their deeper thoughts. It’s time to start learning who you really are and what you really want. This quiet time could totally transform the way you think if you use it well.
 
Extroverts are often busier people in general because unlike an introvert, they excel in “full-on” situations. Busy work lets you ignore your thoughts and any troubles that might be brewing under the surface. Social distancing is forcing us to slow down. No more mindlessness. This time brings opportunities for quiet activities extroverts might normally avoid. Try meditation, baking, yoga or writing.
 
What Has Social Distancing Taught Introverts?
 
Introverts love to be alone, or maybe at best with our close circle of loved ones. Unfortunately, this forced social distancing is making even the most introverted amongst us miss the company of others.
 
As an introvert myself, I already feel like I’ll never take for granted or roll my eyes at invitations to be with friends or family. We all need a little company sometimes. People may be loud and a bit much sometimes, but surely, it’s better than staying away from everyone and everything for an uncertain amount of time.
 
During this time of uncertainly and anxiety, revel in the opportunity to grow and learn as people. Extroverts should be taking social distancing as a chance to practice peace and quiet. Introverts love the space to think and just be as they are.
 
Extroverts could gain so much perspective by taking on some introverted traits while we wait this phase-out, just as introverts could learn an awful lot from those extroverted traits we covet. Introverts should be using this time to be a little more grateful for communities, for the ability to socialize. It’s barely been a week and I’d give just about anything to be in an overwhelming loud crowd right about now.
 
 
References:
  1. https://www.who.int
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com
 
 

 

Becky Storey
 

 



 

About the Author: Becky Storey
 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
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