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Quarta-feira, 25 / 03 / 20

Social Distancing from an Introvert’s Point of View.

Social Distancing from an Introvert’s Point of View.

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

March 25th, 2020

 

 
 
Our world is plagued with fake people who pretend to be something they aren’t. It’s not unusual to fall for a fake, no matter what they’re pretending to be. Sometimes, we just trust too easily. When you fall for a fake empath’s lies, it could be emotionally or mentally damaging. For your own sake, it’s a good idea to know what to look for when spotting a fake.
 
Despite how wholesome being an empath is at its root, there are still people who make it into something less than that. Fake empaths are, unfortunately, common. People claim to have this gift for all sorts of reasons. Often, fake empaths are narcissists.
 
Empaths and narcissists are on opposite ends of the same spectrum. They insist that they are highly sensitive to other people’s emotions and can “just tell how you feel” in order to manipulate you in some way for their own gain.
 
What Is an Empath?
 
A real empath is a person who can tune in, or feel, the emotions of others. This extends to animals and even the emotional “vibe” of certain places. Oftentimes, empaths are portrayed as having a psychic ability similar to mind reading.
 
Fake empaths particularly love the recognition that comes with this theory. While some might believe in the psychic aspects, others lean more towards the idea that empaths are just highly sensitive to emotions and actively try to feel the emotions of others.
 
Real empaths are born with their abilities and may never know they have such a gift. They may live their entire lives assuming that it’s normal to pick up on everyone’s emotions so easily. With or without their knowledge, empaths use a whole array of tools to understand another person’s emotions. These include body language, tone of voice and even the words a person uses. Fake empaths are unlikely to even notice such subtle changes.
 
For strongly empathic people, distance has no impact on their abilities. Even live TV, documentaries and reality shows can give emotional impressions to an empath. For this reason, real empaths will often avoid seeing shows that are heavy with emotion.
 
 
5 Differences between Fake Empaths and Real Empaths
 
1. They Want to Diagnose You
 
Fake empaths want to tell YOU how YOU feel. Instead of simply trying to understand and be in tune with how you feel, as a real empath would do, they want to read you. They want to diagnose your feelings and they want everyone to know about it.
 
For example, imagine you’re having a hard time and have been a little quieter than usual. A real empath would naturally feel this and would understand why. Be it anxiety or maybe sadness, they’ll feel it too. They probably won’t tell you that they feel your emotions too, they’ll just try to help without making a fuss.
 
A fake empath will turn it into a guessing game, without a sympathetic approach. They just want you to notice that they’ve “read you”.
 
2. They Don’t Take “No” Well
 
If a fake empath comes up with an incorrect assumption of you, which is most likely, they won’t handle being corrected very well. Fake empaths pretend to be this way for attention and to feel like they have a special power that makes them superior, and sometimes even god-like.
 
Whilst a real empath would be apologetic and uncomfortable if they had been wrong about how you felt, a fake one would be defensive. They’re likely to insist that you’re wrong about your own emotions. After all, they’re the ones with the magical powers, right?
 
3. They Will Note Your Negative Emotions, Not Positive Ones
 
Fake empaths want to feel like they’ve caught you out, so they’ll try to reveal emotions you would be keeping secret. If they think you’re angry at someone, they’ll announce that “they can feel it” because they’re empathetic. The same goes for any sadness or discomfort they might think you have.
 
Real empaths enjoy when others feel positive emotions because they can feel it too. They get to share in the good feelings and they’re happy to tell you they’re experiencing the same emotions. Fake empaths won’t bother with noting your positive emotions, because they’re not as exciting or dramatic enough to get them attention.
 
4. They Tell Everyone They’re Empaths
 
There are very few signs that make it clearer that someone is not an empath than them telling everyone that they are. Real empaths don’t need or want the attention and confusion that comes from sharing their abilities. If you reveal that you can feel the emotions of others, you’re likely to be met with questions. Fake empaths love this. They crave the attention.
 
5. They Blame Emotional Influence
 
As a real empath, you’re constantly taking in the emotional experiences of the people and places around you. This can be fatiguing and will have some impact on your own mood. Fake empaths will let this be an excuse for their bad moods and bad behavior, while real empaths would never.
 
Real empaths understand that it is possible to be influenced by the outside world, but they wouldn’t let it become negative or impact the people around them. If emotions get too strong, they would rather take themselves away for a while than hurt their family or friends.
 
Fake empaths will become angry and even rude and snappy, then blame it on the influence of others instead of taking responsibility for lashing out.
 
Fake Empaths Can Be Dangerous
 
Fake empaths are particularly dangerous people because of their assumed control over your emotions. In order to protect yourself from these people, it’s important to know the differences between things a fake empath and a real one. If someone in your life shows signs of being fake, it’s best to stay away.
 
References:
  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com
  2. https://medium.com
 
 
 

 

Becky Storey
 

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 23:11
Quarta-feira, 25 / 03 / 20

7 Fun Things to Do at Home That Will Work for Extrovert

 

7 Fun Things to Do at Home That Will Work for Extroverts

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted March 24th, 2020.

 
 
 
 
Even when you can’t go out with friends, there are many fun things to do at home when you’re an extrovert.
 
I’m no extrovert, but I know many of them. They love going out and socializing, love shopping, and also love to attend large events as well. Right now, so many of us are confined to our homes due to various reasons.
 
In order to make this an evergreen post, I cannot only focus on the viral crisis at hand. There are many reasons why even extroverts sometimes end up stuck in their homes, and when this happens, they may struggle to find fun things to do.
 
It’s time to use a bit of imagination, I believe
 
As an introvert, I have no problem being happy at home. Sometimes, I can sit for hours and just think and be perfectly happy about that. For extroverts, however, being away from others can be painful. It’s because it goes completely against their character and personality.
 
And the truth is, there’s nothing wrong with either of us – the introvert and the extrovert are both normal characters. But, I want to help because if it was someone trying to help me get out and socialize more, I would want to return the favor by helping someone who is outgoing, be able to enjoy themselves in lockdown. So, let’s help.
 
Fun things to do at home for the extrovert
 
1. Spend time with those in your home
 
If you’re an extrovert but don’t live alone, you’re in luck. If you cannot go out and spend time with friends, you can find new ways to spend time with the people in your home.
 
Whether you live with family or roommates, you can enjoy all sorts of games, play music and dance, or create a home theatre environment. All you need is a selection of movies, popcorn, and refreshments. Feel free to pretend you are really at the theater and it can be loads of fun for many days.
 
2. Talk on the phone
 
What’s one substitution for socializing face to face? That’s right, talking on the phone. If you cannot go visit friends right now, you can call them and talk about whatever you want. It’s a given, really. And yes, over time, this might get old, and that’s why we have to do other things too.
 
But hey, call your friends, and talk about those events and shopping trips of the past. Then have a good laugh together.
 
3. Facetime, skype or other video chat options
 
If you cannot socialize in person, you can conduct a video call. You can even have a group video chat if you like. I haven’t done this in quite some time, and it was usually only for business, but from what I remember, there are a few options for group chat available. And you always have skype and facetime.
 
Use them and spend time being silly with your friends. It will help you stay in touch with your extroverted reality, and help ward off depression due to lack of socialization. Yes, this is a fun thing for extroverts to do when they are stuck at home.
 
4. Video or computer games
 
Considering the fact that extroverts enjoy social time so much, they usually enjoy online gaming as well, whether it’s using a video game console or by computer. Instead of just talking online, which can get old over time, extroverts can choose to play all sorts of interactive games to amuse themselves and hang out with friends.
 
I know many people who play online games almost every day. If you cannot get out, then you can use this experience to make you feel more like you are together with those you care about outside the home.
 
5. Go for a hike
 
Usually, extroverts love to hike with friends, but even when they can’t, enjoying this pastime alone can be refreshing. It breaks the monotony of staying inside. While hiking, you can enjoy the communion with nature as if the trees, the birds, and other elements are your human friends.
 
In fact, you probably should have been doing this all along. You may find yourself talking out loud to the elements and that’s okay too. As long as this process helps soothe your restless nature, it’s doing its job.
 
6. Enjoy performances from home
 
Many extroverts love attending concerts and festivals. But if you cannot leave your home, this will be impossible. There are a few fun ways you can enjoy this experience from home that would be almost good enough.
 
First of all, there are many televised musical performances and online concerts you can watch that will make you feel as though you really are attending a gathering.
 
7. Listen to music
 
If you cannot find entertainment of your choosing online or on television, then just drag out those records and CDS. Maybe you have a huge playlist on your phone or computer.
 
Either way, listening to music can be a great balm for missing friends and social events. Just close your eyes and think back on former events and listening to music with friends. Music is extremely therapeutic.
 
Making adjustments for the extrovert
 
As I said, I am an introvert, and I enjoy time at home alone. I get nervous in large crowds and prefer quiet most of the time. When I am outside this element of comfort, I get anxiety. I believe extroverts are prone to anxiety when they cannot socialize, so although I cannot relate, I do sympathize.
 
This is why I open the conversation for others who are extroverts during this time to offer other fun things they can do within the home. Please feel free to offer suggestions and ideas.
 
I hope everyone is staying safe in this turbulent time.
 
 
References:
  1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
  2. https://www.verywellmind.com
 


 

Sherrie Hurd


 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 22:10
Sábado, 21 / 03 / 20

Social Distancing from an Introvert’s Point of View.

Social Distancing from an Introvert’s Point of View.

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

March 20th, 2020

 

 

 
 
 
We’re living in strange and unprecedented times right now and it can all feel a little overwhelming. We’re (hopefully) all pulling our own weight and following the advice of professionals. Together with keeping up our hand washing and general cleanliness in public places, the whole world has been given one clear instruction – practice social distancing.
 
Before the Coronavirus (COVID-19) Outbreak, I had never heard the term “social distancing” and I think it’s fair to say I’m not the only one. It is a new phrase sweeping the globe and it’s been a bit of an adjustment for some. But for the others, we’ve have been practicing social distancing all our lives without even noticing.
 
Being an introvert and social distancing go hand in hand.
What Is Social Distancing?
 
Governments and medical professionals all over the world have requested that we all practice social distancing. This strategy’s aim is to reduce and slow down the spread of the virus, so we don’t overwhelm our medical services and hospitals.
 
The rules of social distancing are simple, and incredibly attractive to an introvert. Stay in your own home as much as possible – easy. Avoid gatherings and large crowds – delightful. Work from home and avoid public transport – done and done. If you do have to go out, avoid other people – what more could we want!?
 
If we all follow these rules, even if we feel completely healthy, we can prevent the virus from spreading must further and we can minimize the risk of vulnerable people catching it.
What Is Social Distancing to An Introvert?
 
Whilst everyone else is panicking about what they’ll do during this time of social distancing, introverts aren’t feeling much different at all. We all feel the stress and the fear, but being self-isolated isn’t the issue.
 
We’ve honed the art of being alone after years of voluntary isolation. Except, to an introvert, it’s not isolation at all, it’s necessary me-time. Constant social interaction, large crowds and being out in the world all day can be exhausting for an introvert. Our homes are our safe places that we retreat to for refueling. It is now a government instruction that we have to stay home as much as possible, which means never running low on fuel at all.
 
Most of us introverts will understand the nerves that arrive on Friday as we start to worry that we’ll be invited out. Weekends are prime time for parties, loud gatherings and late nights. Fridays are for planning your excuses. What better excuse than a government-imposed social distancing scheme.
 
“Sorry, I can’t go out. The Government says no.” There’s never been a more legitimate excuse since our Mothers were in charge of our schedule.
 
Even better is the reduction in invites altogether. Suddenly there is no expectation to get out there and overwhelm and exhaust yourself. We are free to be as introverted as we need.
What Can Extroverts Learn from Social Distancing?
 
Extroverts thrive in the presence of company. For some, it truly is the more the merrier. Their love of being around others could make this time of social distancing feel quite difficult. Fortunately, there’s plenty to be learned from their fellow introverts.
 
What better time than now to learn how to be comfortable in your own company. A great skill to have is the ability to entertain yourself and be alone with your thoughts.
 
Extroverts tend to have a habit of filling their time and mind so much that they don’t have to consider their deeper thoughts. It’s time to start learning who you really are and what you really want. This quiet time could totally transform the way you think if you use it well.
 
Extroverts are often busier people in general because unlike an introvert, they excel in “full-on” situations. Busy work lets you ignore your thoughts and any troubles that might be brewing under the surface. Social distancing is forcing us to slow down. No more mindlessness. This time brings opportunities for quiet activities extroverts might normally avoid. Try meditation, baking, yoga or writing.
 
What Has Social Distancing Taught Introverts?
 
Introverts love to be alone, or maybe at best with our close circle of loved ones. Unfortunately, this forced social distancing is making even the most introverted amongst us miss the company of others.
 
As an introvert myself, I already feel like I’ll never take for granted or roll my eyes at invitations to be with friends or family. We all need a little company sometimes. People may be loud and a bit much sometimes, but surely, it’s better than staying away from everyone and everything for an uncertain amount of time.
 
During this time of uncertainly and anxiety, revel in the opportunity to grow and learn as people. Extroverts should be taking social distancing as a chance to practice peace and quiet. Introverts love the space to think and just be as they are.
 
Extroverts could gain so much perspective by taking on some introverted traits while we wait this phase-out, just as introverts could learn an awful lot from those extroverted traits we covet. Introverts should be using this time to be a little more grateful for communities, for the ability to socialize. It’s barely been a week and I’d give just about anything to be in an overwhelming loud crowd right about now.
 
 
References:
  1. https://www.who.int
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com
 
 

 

Becky Storey
 

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
bitchute.com
brighteon.com

 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 20:29
Terça-feira, 17 / 03 / 20

6 Smart Ways to Shut Down Nosey People without

6 Smart Ways to Shut Down Nosey People without Being Rude.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle.

learning-mind.com

Posted March 17th, 2020.

 
 
 
We have all dealt with nosey people in our lives. Some individuals just don’t have a sensitivity filter. We see this all the time:
 
Direct questions from people you don’t know
 
Intrusive or highly personal conversations that do not feel appropriate
 
Controversial statements made to elicit a response
So how can you manage nosey people, and deflect uncomfortable conversations without causing offense?
 
Tact is a valuable skill, and those who do not understand personal boundaries lack it. Here are some ways to use your politeness to avoid being drawn into conversations, or answering questions, that you do not wish to.
 
Just say you aren’t comfortable!
 
This isn’t always the easiest response, but in some situations simply telling someone you’d prefer not to discuss it is the quickest way to shut down the topic.
 
For example, if someone asks whether you are planning to have children, you could try responding, ‘I’m sorry; I’d prefer not to talk about it. Why don’t you tell me about your family?’
 
Very often personal questions aren’t meant to cause upset or offense. Particularly coming from a stranger, the question might be intended as a conversation starter where they are looking for something in common. Turning it around can deflect the discussion and allow them to talk instead.
 
Use your intuition
 
It is sometimes quite obvious that you are encountering a nosey person who is gearing up to ask all sorts of intrusive questions. Situations like sitting next to nosey people on a plane are perfect examples, where you can’t walk away and don’t particularly want to talk about the details of your divorce at length with a stranger.
 
If you feel like an uncomfortable conversation is about to begin, use a distraction technique to signal that you don’t wish to chat. Put in your headphones, start watching a movie, open your book or take a nap.
 
Are they being nosey?
 
Situations that are emotional for us might not be seen as sensitive areas for everyone. If you are asked an awkward question, try pausing to consider why you think this person is being nosey.
 
They might innocently be asking a question, and mean no offense by it. It is easy to bristle at something relevant or causing stress in your life, so remember that other people won’t know you have just been through a break-up, and haven’t intended to upset you by asking.
 
Maintain conversational boundaries
 
Some people are intrusive because they love sharing all the juicy details of their own intimate life! However, this doesn’t apply to everybody, and you need to be able to stand your ground and not answer personal questions that you find inappropriate.
 
There are a few responses that can help demonstrate that you don’t wish to answer, without seeming rude or showing that you might have taken offense:
  • Why do you ask that?
  • I’m afraid there aren’t enough hours in the day for me to answer that!
  • That’s an interesting question – what about you?
  • It’s a sensitive subject for me, so why don’t you tell me about your experience?
  • That is a bit too complicated to get into!
 
Money, money, money
 
Aside from personal relationships, one of the awkward questions most often asked is about money. Some of us are happy to share what we paid for our new home, or how much we are investing in our children’s education. But for a lot of people, finances are private and not something they wish to talk about in polite conversation.
 
If someone asks a financial question, they might have a very good reason. For example, they might be considering buying a home in a similar area, or be thinking about switching schools and be interested to know the comparable cost.
 
Try not to balk, and answer with consideration but without feeling pressured to disclose anything that you’d rather not.
  • More than I like to think about, to be honest!
  • Well, you know what house prices are like in this area, but we love having the park nearby…
  • Thanks for noticing! If you like it, they have a great new range at the store
 
Deflection
 
If you are asked a question you deem inappropriate, you can divert the conversation into an area that you feel more comfortable with.
 
People love to talk, and so asking a question is a great way to switch attention away from you, and back at the nosey person asking the questions! For example:
 
A colleague says: ‘You’re in late today – have you been at a job interview?’
 
Rather than squirming at either lying or disclosing confidential information, you could respond:
  • ‘I’m sure you missed me, but I’m here now! What’s happened today – have I missed anything exciting?’
  • ‘Better late than never! How’s everything going so far?’
  • ‘Yeah I know, I’m sure I have a million emails backed up waiting for me! Are you guys busy today too?’
 
Whatever your response, know that a person with good intentions might not mean to ask uncomfortable questions. However, if you know somebody is deliberately trying to put you on the back foot, don’t be afraid to just walk away.
 
It is better for our peace of mind not to rise to the bait, so laugh it off or shrug if you can, or simply don’t answer. You do not have to validate yourself and have the right to keep things personal if you don’t feel happy talking about them with nosey people.
 
 
References:
  1. Psychology Today
  2. The Spruce
 

Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 

 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle


 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternatives to YouTube
bitchete.com
brighteon.com
BitChute Channel
 
 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 17:21
Quinta-feira, 12 / 03 / 20

Personality in the Workplace: 9 Most Difficult Types.

Personality in the Workplace: 

9 Most Difficult Types.

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

March 12th, 2020.

 
Personality in the Workplace.
 
 
 
Over the years, I’ve worked in a lot of different jobs. From factory floors to secretarial roles, it doesn’t seem to matter which. There’s always one personality in the workplace that gets on everyone’s nerves.
 
And that gave me an idea. There must be specific personality types in the workplace that everyone recognises and secretly despises. So let’s bring them out into the open where they belong.
 
9 Most Difficult Types of Personality in the Workplace
 
The Under-Miner
 
I remember starting work at an electrical contracting company as a secretary and the firm consisted of all men. One man, in particular, was a sneaky ‘whisper in the ear’ kind of guy that would say things to undermine my confidence.
 
It was my first time working as a secretary, so I was new to the role and didn’t know what was expected of me. This one guy would appear to offer help and advice but then add a kind of afterthought that made me doubt my decision or actions.
 
This kind of personality in the workplace is undermining you to get ahead themselves by making you look bad.
 
The Ass-Kisser
 
I’ve come across several of these in my time. The person that rushes up to the boss with a tea or coffee as soon as they walk through the door. The ones that always turn up early to work and leave late to show willing.
 
They make everyone else feel as if they aren’t doing as much as they should. This sort of personality feeds resentment in the workplace. I mean, no one likes an ass-kisser in any walk of life.
 
So why do they act this way? Because they have a need to feel special and favourite.
 
The Gossip
 
You often get cliques forming in certain workplace environments, and this is where you’ll find our third difficult workplace personality – the gossip.
 
This person loves to spread rumours and lies about people. They play colleagues off one another to cause friction. In fact, this is really a form of bullying. Gossips feel better about themselves by making others feel worse. Gossip isolates people and it’s particularly insidious in small companies.
 
The Over-Sharer
 
I once worked in a factory office and I was leaving the job and training up my replacement. She didn’t know anyone there and had only been learning the job for two days.
 
The office was open plan and had around 50 employees working there. One day, in a very loud voice, she informed me that this was her first real fulltime position after she had miscarried her baby.
 
This came out of nowhere. It was loud enough for everyone close by to hear. I didn’t really know her that well, but she proceeded to go into quite revealing details about the miscarriage and the treatment in hospital. The over-sharer wants everyone to know their most intimate private details.
 
The Perfectionist
 
Have you ever had to stay late because your team leader wants just ‘one more draft’ before you go? This is the work of the perfectionist, and she or he can keep us at work for hours. Nothing is ever finished, nothing is ever good enough. You can deliver the most perfect content and it will come back with suggestions or edits.
 
The problem with this personality is that they are probably not just like this in the workplace. They are more than likely to be perfectionists at home too. So it’s not something they do to get at colleagues, it’s in their nature.
 
The Depressive
 
Whatever you say to the depressive, it will never work and it won’t succeed. The depressive is the one with a negative attitude toward everything.
 
The thing is, they never have a suggestion for what might work. They just need to tell you that your idea won’t work. And it doesn’t matter how many different solutions you put to them, none will get through. Their only role in life is to put down everything everyone suggests and bring us all down to their depressive level.
 
The Critic
 
On the other hand, we have the critic. Now, you might think the depressive and the critic are the same, but they’re not.
 
The critic will take great delight in criticising your work or your ideas. They get their energy from contradicting what you say. They are even known to make up bogus facts and figures to make their argument seem valid.
 
To them, this is a fight, a battle, a duel to the end. There can only be one winner and they’ll do everything in their power to win. These are the kind of people that argue black is white.
 
The Slacker
 
We all know someone who doesn’t pull their fair share of work. Actually, when I was younger it was me! I worked in a reject kitchen shop and was responsible for the packing up of orders. In the warehouse, boxes were stored at the back. Because most of the stuff we sold was jumpers and knitted accessories, the boxes were very soft.
 
You could make a nice little nest from these boxes where you would be hidden from the main part of the warehouse. My friend and I would take it in turns to have little afternoon naps for half an hour while the other would keep an eye out for the boss. Hey, I was 17!
 
The Weirdo
 
I’ve also worked with some weirdos in my time. One stands out in particular. This is another office tale. We had a smoking room in the days where you were allowed to smoke indoors and there was one guy who used the smoking room that everyone else avoided talking to.
 
I was told some rumours and gossip about him but decided to make up my own mind. Anyone, we got talking and sort of became friends over time. Then one day he said, “I’ve told my friend I’ve met someone.” I said that I thought that was great, and he looked puzzled and said ‘It’s you’.
 
I was a bit worried then he started sending me emails, asking me out, turning up at my flat, coming into work drunk and finally threatening me. In the end, because the company didn’t do anything, I left.
 
Final thoughts
 
Can you identify with any of these difficult personality types in the workplace or do you know any I haven’t covered? Let me know!
 
 
References:

  1. inc.com
  2. imgur.com


Janey Davies

 





About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
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All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

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publicado por achama às 18:20
Quarta-feira, 11 / 03 / 20

What Is Etheric Body and How to Clear and Strengthen It.

What Is Etheric Body and How to Clear and Strengthen It.

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

March 10th, 2020

 

 
 
Being an introvert is never easy. It’s exhausting to go about your day sometimes. Communication problems plague every conversation. Every interaction brings up thoughts of self-doubt, self-consciousness and more often than not, fear of embarrassment.
 
Of course, not every introvert has social anxiety. However, even the most socially confident introverts find too much interaction to be a struggle. When you’re the type to thrive alone, conversational problems are common just for lack of practice or natural communication ability.
 
Communication Problems Introverts Have
 
Being Honest About Your Feelings
 
Most introverts also happen to be people pleasers. This means you never want to upset anyone, say “no” or let others down. This communication problem tends to be caused by a fear of rejection or the wrath of others.
 
Have you ever been to a restaurant and had the wrong meal delivered? How about booking a seat at the movies, only to find someone else sitting in it? If you’re lucky, you have a more confident friend who sorts these issues for you, so you don’t have to.
 
These are the kind of interactions introverts shy away from, for a number of reasons. Introverts don’t want to embarrass or hurt others. Introverts are very empathic, so we understand that, usually, someone has just made a mistake and we don’t want to cause them any upset. Finally, we tend to avoid conflict situations.
 
You might also suffer from an inferiority complex, leading you to feel like your place in the world isn’t as important as others. This means we avoid being honest because we don’t think we matter. There is also the deep fear that they’ll argue back, and that’s the last thing an introvert needs. Intense interactions are incredibly draining on the energy and require a lot of self-confidence that some introverts don’t have.
 
How to overcome it:
 
The best way to overcome this communication obstacle is to work on your own self-confidence and self-worth. As you learn and begin to believe that you’re worthy of having your needs met, you’ll be more willing to stand up for yourself. You’ll never let others push in line ahead of you again, once you see that you deserve to be respected and listened to.
 
Accepting Praise and Compliments
 
Introverts struggle to take compliments and enjoy praise when it’s being given out. There could be several causes behind this communication problem. At times, it can seem like you’re just being humble, but it’s a chronic issue.
 
One of the hardest things for an introvert to do is be the center of attention. All eyes on us feels terrifying. We’d rather fly under the radar, but compliments and praise bring all the attention on us alone. Then our own self-doubt creeps in and we start to wonder if they’re exaggerating, or even playing a cruel joke. The chances of them being genuine and us actually having done something well seem so low.
 
We also worry that we have to say something heartfelt in return, and not mess it up. Digging deep is hard to do on the spot, but we feel under pressure to give them something good in return.
 
How to overcome it:
 
To overcome the fear of compliments and praise and get over this communication problem for good is again to believe in yourself. People don’t give compliments as cruel jokes, that kind of awful behavior only happens in movies.
 
It’s okay to want to humble when accepting praise, but a gentle “thank you” will go a long way. Instead of deflecting to the age-old “oh, it was nothing”, try to enjoy the idea that someone noticed and appreciated something you did.
 
Being Heard in Large Groups
 
More often than not, an introvert doesn’t want to be heard in groups. We’re happy to sit back and watch others chat away without really being noticed. This becomes a problem when you do have something to say, but you aren’t the type to demand attention from the crowd. Speaking up in a loud, confident voice isn’t a skill most introverts have.
 
In situations like a meeting at work, or a group talking about something you really care about, being quiet doesn’t pay off. You want your views to be heard, either because it’s important or because you just want to join in.
 
How to overcome it:
 
Overcome this communication problem by standing your ground. Your voice is important and, believe it or not, others will want to listen. Just as you’re happy to listen to what your friends or co-workers have to say, they’ll do the same for you. Trust me.
 
You could try having a sort of confidant, who will open up a space for you in the conversation if you aren’t confident (our loud) enough to jump in yourself. Never give up trying to be heard, even if you have to restart a few times.
 
Handling Invasive Conversations
 
Sometimes, people who aren’t super close to us try to get too deep too soon. There’s nothing an introvert loves more than a deep, hearty conversation, but only with someone they’re very close to.
 
When unfamiliar people push those boundaries, we tend to clam up. We don’t know what to say so often we just mumble our way through and escape as fast as we can. We don’t want to seem rude or make a fuss over a subject that is sensitive to us but may seem small to others.
 
There is hope though, this communication problem is fixable. Standing up for yourself is hard as an introvert, but you deserve to feel comfortable. As long as you understand that, you’ll never have to feel uncomfortable again.
 
How to overcome it:
 
We can be a little too invasive at times, that’s who we are as nosey humans. Some people simply don’t understand what is and is not appropriate, though. Fortunately, you have every right to tell them to back off and any decent human would respect that.
 
If someone has overstepped, it is well within your rights to say that you aren’t comfortable talking about that subject. Any person who forces you to cross those boundaries isn’t worth your time. Offer an alternative and move on or find a distraction. There is no need to sacrifice your own mental state or comfort just to avoid feeling like the bad guy.
 
Being an introvert brings up so many communication problems.
 
It’s hard to navigate the world when you don’t really want to chat, and you’re not really sure how to. Each problem can be overcome though, and you aren’t alone. Build your self-confidence and believe that you deserve to be respected, listened to and given plenty of opportunities to voice your own opinions. There is nothing rude, or wrong, about speaking up for yourself.

 
References:
  1. https://www.forbes.com
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com
 
 

 

Becky Storey
 

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
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publicado por achama às 09:05
Segunda-feira, 09 / 03 / 20

...

Are Intelligent Women Less Likely to Fall for Psychopaths and Narcissists?

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

March 7th, 2020.

 
intelligent women.
 

 

 
Do you think you would ever fall for a psychopath or narcissist? Most intelligent women think they wouldn’t. But skilled manipulators target all kinds of people. So can your smarts outwit a predator? Let’s find out.
 
How Likely Is It for Intelligent Women to Fall for Psychopaths and Narcissists?
 
We all like to think that we are intelligent enough to see behind the mask of a psychopath, but are we? Before we talk about intelligence, let us examine the characteristics of psychopaths and narcissists.
 
Psychopath traits
 
Psychopaths are charming, intelligent, and tend to be well-liked in society. They may have powerful jobs and earn a higher wage. They are also glib and have the gift of the gab. I mean, what’s not to like?
 
Narcissist traits
 
On the other hand, narcissists have perfected the mask they hide behind. They present their best side to the world, they have an over-inflated view of themselves and will lie and cheat to maintain this façade.
 
So it’s clear that we are dealing with some pretty devious characters here. But shouldn’t self-respecting intelligent women be able to see through the lies and manipulation? Not necessarily.
 
Studies have shown the opposite to be true. In fact, women are attracted to psychopathic traits.
 
 
“Psychopathic men have a personality style that makes them appear attractive to women in dating encounters. This may be because they are extra confident or feel at ease or know exactly what to say to get the attention of women,” Kristopher Brazil, PhD candidate at Brock University.
 
In one study, an assistant engaged in a two-minute dating scenario conservation with males. She asked the men what they liked to do on a first date and recorded their responses. After the questions, the males completed assessments of psychopathy, socio-sexuality and social intelligence.
 
These videos were then played to 108 young women who were asked to rate the attractiveness of the men. The study found women rated men with psychopathic tendencies highly. In other words, they found psychopaths more attractive.
 
So it seems we are predisposed to find psychopathy attractive, but can our intelligence help us to sort out the manipulators?
Why intelligent women can’t help falling for psychopaths and narcissists
 
We judge people by our own standards
 
Psychopaths use their charm and intelligence to get what they want. They have no conscience so will use any means necessary at their disposal. Now, the problem with this is that most people are not psychopaths. However, we assume that everyone acts the way we do.
 
We believe we all share the same moral compass, the same values and are decent at heart. We cannot imagine how people can act in a despicable way. If it’s not in our nature, surely it can’t be in anyone else’s.
 
But of course, this is not the case. Just because we wouldn’t cheat or lie or gaslight someone, it doesn’t mean that others won’t.
 
We all believe we have empathy for other people, but some are born without empathy. They have no regard for other people’s feelings. They have no conscience.
 
The other problem is that not every psychopath is like Hannibal Lecter. Some psychopaths only tick a few points on the Hare’s Psychopath Checklist. In fact, studies show that psychopaths will use their charm and deceit in the short-term in order to snare their victims. But they can’t keep this pretence up long-term. Why? Because their selfish needs are their ultimate goals.
 
In other words, they’ll only schmooze you until they’ve got what they want.
 
Psychopaths are excellent manipulators
 
The other problem is that psychopaths and narcissists are born manipulators. They have this innate talent to charm, deceive and play the ordinary person. They’ve spent years, decades even, perfecting their craft. So they know exactly what to say to turn you on, to hold your interest, to keep the spotlight on them.
 
“Psychopathic men are really good at pretending to display what women are attracted to. They’re really good at putting on this mask, and making themselves look attractive . . . You exude a larger-than-life presence, and give off an impression of greatness.” Kristopher Brazil
 
Psychopaths will make you feel like the most special person in the room. They’ll flatter and charm you, and you’ll feel like the luckiest girl in the world. But of course, they only do it to get what they want.
 
These types of manipulators are always confident. They are at ease with themselves, and intelligent women find confident men extremely attractive.
 
Psychopaths also have a box of tricks up their sleeves when it comes to manipulating someone. They pull you into their circle by telling you false secrets about someone. They draw you in by revealing a confidence they shouldn’t have.
 
They will often do small favours and then ask for a larger one in return. This elicits trust and a desire to reciprocate the help.
We care about our loved ones
 
One way psychopaths and narcissists are able to fool intelligent women is because they are incapable of the most basic human emotions. In fact, studies have shown that they only mimic emotions to blend in or deceive people around them.
 
“Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) research indicates that psychopaths are incapable of experiencing basic human emotions and feelings of guilt, remorse, or empathy.” Corporate Psychopath expert Paul Babiak and Forensic Behavioral Consultant Mary Ellen O’Toole
 
In relationships or the work environment, having no emotions can have a huge benefit, especially if you want to gain an advantage over someone. On the other hand, if you are an emotional person and care deeply about your partner or colleagues, you might agonise over decisions you have to make.
 
Overly emotional people can feel guilty about breaking up with a partner. So much so that they put it off. Bosses may put up with shoddy work because they feel responsible for their staff.
 
Caring for other people can clearly be a disadvantage in certain circumstances. It can interfere with the way you do your job, or how you cope in a relationship.
 
How can intelligent women recognise a psychopath or narcissist?
 
I’m saying intelligent women are not less likely to fall for psychopaths or narcissists. In fact, it’s difficult for anyone to resist their charms. So how can you resist?
 
Do other people question this individual’s actions?
 
Sometimes we can be so under a person’s spell we can’t see the wood for the trees. Are you ignoring advice from close friends? Do family members raise concerns about this individual? If multiple people are worried, you should be too.
 
Does this individual pick on your vulnerabilities?
 
Psychopaths have a pathological need to damage their victims once they are drawn in. In fact, they are driven by their victim’s vulnerabilities. They can’t help themselves. If your new boyfriend has turned particularly nasty and was once charming, he might be a psychopath.
 
Does he play mind games with you?
 
Gaslighting and mind games are favourite manipulation tools for this individual. It’s how he gets his kicks. If you start questioning yourself, thinking that you are going mad, you could be a victim of a psychopath.
 
Final thoughts
 
It doesn’t matter how intelligent woman you are. If a psychopath or narcissist has you in their sights, it’s only a matter of time before you become their victim.
 
 
References:
 

 

Janey Davies

 





About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

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publicado por achama às 01:43
Domingo, 01 / 03 / 20

How to Raise an Introverted Teenager: 10 Tips for Parents

How to Raise an Introverted Teenager: 

10 Tips for Parents

Michelle Liew 

Contributor writer to Learning Mind.

March 1st, 2019.

 
 
 


 

It’s time for hard facts. This world is an extroverted one, and the outgoing get the most out of it. How does a concerned parent raise an introverted teenager and help them to thrive?
Socialising is an integral part of life as a teen. The teen years are the ones when young people find out about themselves. So if your teens don’t make as many friends as they should, why not give them a hand?
 

Why it’s hard to be an introverted teenager

Being an introvert is a challenge at any age since today’s world focuses so much on speaking out and being outgoing. Nature has wired the introvert’’s brain differently from the extrovert. In particular, the “fight or flight” aspect of their nervous systems is active, as research proves. The tendency puts them at a social and sometimes academic disadvantage.
Experts like Dr. Marti-Olsen Laney, author of The Introvert Advantage, share that an introvert will not feel fulfilled until he or she has alone time. She elaborated further than the dopamine levels at wild parties can overwhelm teenagers who are reserved and stressed that their quiet natures aren’t the result of a lack of social skills. That said, their habits entail that they don’t have as full a circle of friends as their peers.
Apart from having fewer friends, there is the problem of being discounted. Teachers tend to underestimate introverted teens, seeing them as being unable to speak up for themselves or provide adequate responses to questions. The truth is that if you discuss a topic that interests introverted children, you might not get a chance to speak yourself. Sadly, educators often overlook this inclination of theirs.

How do we help the inward-looking teen succeed in life?

Reserved teenagers need a little help with finding success in this outward-looking world. Reaching out to them is a challenge, so you could use a few tips if you are a hassled parent.

1. Encourage them to talk about their feelings

Introverts aren’t masters at discussing their emotions and prefer to keep their innermost thoughts to themselves.  Teens, who are at the most socially awkward stage of life, are even more prone than adults to masks their feelings.
Provide them with an outlet for describing their thoughts and fears. Suggest that they keep a journal or draw if they aren’t comfortable with full disclosure.

2. Avoid labelling your child

Despite what you may believe, introversion is not a sign of social-emotional dysfunction. Introverted teens have different needs from their extroverted peers. Labelling them as “loners’ makes them feel awkward and presses them to believe that they are what you say they are. The best thing parents can do for them is to accept them as they are, quietness and all.

3. Teach your child to seek help

No man is an island, and all of us need help once in a while. Quiet teenagers prefer to solve problems themselves because they feel too embarrassed to ask others to give them a hand.
 
Teach your introverted teenager that there is no shame in asking for help. Doing so is a way for them to interact with others. They will soon discover that collaboration is necessary for progress.

4. Practice creative problem-solving

We can deal with dicey social situations if we think through them. Teenagers who tend to be introverted, however, tend to have more problems dealing with them than their peers. Model tough social situations and get them to suggest how to handle them. You’ll find that introverted teenagers are creative types. They will develop self-confidence, knowing that they thought of these solutions themselves.

5. Have conversations

Introverts may not seem to have the skills to form social relationships at first glance. They may have better-developed ones than their peers.
While they do not like to engage in small talk, they prefer to look a person in the eye and offer their honest opinions. They’re not avoidants but prefer more in-depth conversations. Help them to express themselves by having open, candid talks with them.

6. Respect their social preferences

Introverts are quiet and dislike the limelight. You’ll find them interacting with one or two people instead of a large group. Give your introverted teen a chance to observe crowds before conversing with people. Your child may be more inclined to join them once he has a good idea of how they interact.
Furthermore, don’t pressurise your quiet teens to make friends. Note that they prefer to do so on their terms and keep their friendship circles close-knit. Encourage them to make friends with other introverts.

7. Develop a positive self-image

Many reserved teens have poor self-images because people use negative words like “loner” or “weirdo” to describe them. Accept them as they are and avoid using negative labels such as these.
 
Make an effort to correct others who label them. For instance, if someone says that they are ‘standoffish’, use the word ‘contemplative’ instead.

8. Teach your introverted teen to speak up

Remind your quiet teens that their opinions matter. If their quietness makes them the targets of bullying, teach them to speak to trusted adults. Listen when your children talk and encourage them to verbalise their thoughts. Above all, teach them to assert themselves.

9. Nurture their interests

Your teen may prefer classical music and refuse to listen to rock bands. Find classes that will nurture these interests. Remember that different doesn’t mean strange. Consider enrolling them in computer camps if they have an interest in information technology.

10. Provide new experiences

An introverted teen usually resists new things. Tell them that everyone feels this way. That said, they should be adventurous and develop new ideas. If they still dislike the experience, respect the fact that they at least tried.
Your introverted teenager may not love the things extroverts do but can develop as fully as they can. As a parent, all it takes is to show them the way.
 
 
Michelle Liew.
 

 


About the Author: 

Michelle Liew


Michelle is a freelance writer who loves all things about life. She has a broad range of interests that include literature, history, philosophy, human relationships, and psychology. When she is not busy writing her heart out, you will find her tinkering jazz tunes on her piano. She loves anything that helps her to grow as a person, including her pet terriers, Misty and Cloudy.

COPYRIGHT © 2020 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 23:16
Domingo, 23 / 02 / 20

5 Signs of Blame Shifting and How to Deal with It.

 

5 Signs of Blame Shifting and How to Deal with It.

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 23rd, 2020.

 
 

 
 
One of the things I despise the most is someone who can never take responsibility for their actions. Blame shifting is their second nature.
 
I hate to admit that I’m way too familiar with blame-shifting. For years of my life, I thought everything was my fault, even when obviously it wasn’t – it was complete with evidence in my favor. Did that evidence ever make the blame shifter stop in their tracks?
 
Nope. That’s because a blame shifter is good at what they do, and they will do it as long as they can get away with it.
 
Blame shifting is insidious
 
The biggest issue with blame-shifting is that it can greatly damage a healthy person’s self-esteem. This heinous act will leave you questioning facts about your life and about your character as well. Shifting the blame onto someone else can be dangerous and completely destroy lives.
 
I know all this sounds like an exaggeration, but unfortunately, it’s not. Many otherwise mentally healthy individuals have been hurt so badly that they constantly question their self-worth. Do you know what we need to do? We need to see blame shifters before they get to us.
 
Recognizing the storm before it hits
 
1. The apology with strings attached
 
If by chance, you get the blame shifter to apologize at all, which hardly ever happens, they will use the “I’m sorry, but…” tactic. What I mean by this is that they will apologize, but they have to add some sort of defensive mechanism to the apology.
 
Whether they are about to put some of the blame on you or make an excuse for their behavior, you will recognize them by their inability to apologize without the added “but”, which totally eliminates the sincerity of the responsibility. What they are doing is finding a crack to slip out from under what they’ve done wrong.
 
2. Because of this, and because of that
 
Shifting the blame can be as easy as using cause and effect. While cause and effect do exist, responsibility is the main concern. Listen to this small interaction to understand:
 
Real victim: “You really hurt my feelings when you yelled at me.”
 
Blame shifter: “Well, if you would stop complaining about the same thing over and over, I wouldn’t.”
 
There are two ways that the blame shifter is really in the wrong. First of all, they shouldn’t be continuing behavior that makes someone else constantly complain. Most people complain when something bothers them, and they want to communicate.
 
Blame shifters don’t usually communicate, and so the problem gets ignored. After much complaining, they use verbal abuse as a scare tactic. There are many other situations like this where toxic people use the cause and effect technique to excuse any blame placed on themselves.
 
3. No communication
 
Blame shifting always comes with the inability to communicate. While these people can talk about problems on the surface level, when they are proven wrong, they clam up. They have no excuses or reasons for their behavior. They may even outright lie.
 
Then, ultimately, they will say there’s no reason to discuss the issue anymore. This is so damaging because it leaves the issues hanging and they’re never resolved. Then this causes bitterness to set in. Many marriages have failed due to the lack of healthy and honest communication. And most of the time, you will recognize the blame shifter by their communication aversion.
 
4. The pity party
 
You will also know you have yourself a blame shifter when they start telling you stories about their troubled childhood and how it makes them the way they are. While many people really did have a bad childhood, the toxic person will tell this story and exaggerate it to keep from taking the blame for present issues or mistakes.
 
It’s also okay to talk about past issues and how they’ve made you do things, but you cannot use this excuse for every mistake you make. If you cannot take the blame for doing something now, you will always be a child. Watch out for the pity party.
5. Flipping the script
 
This is an old term, but it fits so perfectly with a tactic that the blame shifter uses. When they’ve been caught red-handed, their first response is shock, their second response is to find the quickest way to turn the incident over onto you… using you as the villain.
 
Now, I know what you must be thinking, “How could someone caught in the act make the victim look bad?”
 
Well, they use carefully calculated manipulation. For example, let’s say you went to see your husband at work and he wasn’t there, and so, when he arrived home at the usual time, you asked him about it.
 
Now, some people will lie and say they had to leave for this or that reason, but if the blame shifter wants, he can turn the attention to you. He might say, “Why were you stalking my workplace?”, “What is wrong with you?”, oh, and my favorite, “You still don’t trust me, do you?” and then proceed to make an excuse for where he was, then stay mad for several days.
 
The blame for the whole confrontation is now your fault. You should have minded your own business and stayed at home.
 
How do we deal with these people?
 
Well, I hope you never have to endure such people because they have serious issues with themselves. Never ever believe that these things are your fault. Anyone who cannot take logical blame for their imperfections has a problem that can only be fixed by them or by professional help.
 
If you happen to be in a marriage with someone like this or stuck in a situation you cannot get out of at the moment, you will have to find various ways to living with this issue, and it’s a difficult one.
 
Honestly, it’s almost impossible to confront someone like this without being verbally abused or taking their blame on yourself. This will make you unhealthy, both mentally and physically over time.
 
Your best outcome would be if your loved one came to you for help and genuinely wanted to change. Believe it or not, some people eventually see what they’ve become. In this case, it’s worth sticking around. If there is no desire to change, then the choice is yours.
 
Just remember, none of this nonsense is about you, and sometimes it’s best to walk away than to get into arguments with toxic people because you will never win. If this applies to you, I hope everything works out for the best.

 

Sherrie Hurd



Image credit: Stephen Hawking is giving a lecture for NASA’s 50th anniversary/NASA

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 22:27
Domingo, 16 / 02 / 20

Mental Laziness Is More Common Than Ever: How to Overcome It?

Mental Laziness Is More Common Than Ever: 

How to Overcome It?

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

February 16, 2020

 

 


We live in a modern society where information is available constantly. We’re able to instantly access what’s going on in faraway countries and we can immediately see how millions of other people feel about it. This is causing more and more of us to develop mental laziness.
 
Instead of thinking for ourselves, we’re allowing others to tell us how to think. The more we do this, the worse our thinking abilities become. Like any muscle, if you don’t use it, it gets weaker.
 
What Is Mental Laziness?
 
Mental laziness happens when we allow our thoughts to become automatic. Sometimes, this is perfectly fine. For example, once you’ve been a qualified driver for a while, your reactions and movements become automatic. You simply go about your journeys without thinking much of the situation or the decisions you make.
 
This is preferable in situations where you have to react quickly because your brain is working on instinct. In situations that might require deeper thought or critical thinking, however, mental laziness isn’t such a good thing.
 
Mental laziness includes avoidance of deep thinking, usually because it’s simply too much effort. Mentally lazy people tend to take what they’re told at face value and don’t apply only of their own ideas or debates.
 
This is a major cause of the spread of fake news. Instead of reviewing the information for themselves, mentally lazy people share the news without a second thought. Sometimes, people will go as far as to only read the headlines of news stories before sharing, because reading the article would require too much personal thought.
 
Instead of taking the time to consider the world around them, people who struggle with mental laziness typically make choices based on whims and gut reactions. They take on a “do it first, think about it later” approach.
 
Mental laziness can manifest in a number of ways. Some people might become risk-takers and rule disobeyers because they don’t care to think about the consequences of their actions or the reasons behind the rules. Other mentally lazy people might just behave in unhelpful and inconvenient ways, such as cleaning up after themselves or watching where they’re going.
Contributing Factors to Mental Laziness
Lack of Goals
 
A significant factor that contributes to mental laziness is a person’s lack of long and short term goals. Having something to aim for and a sense of ambition drives us to be more conscious. Ambitious people are constantly searching for purpose in what they do and finding connections between their current activities and their hopes for the future. Without these goals, you’ll develop mental laziness because nothing has much meaning to it.
Fear
 
With physical laziness, it is often caused by a fear of trying and failing. Saying that you can’t be bothered is an easy way to mask the anxiety caused by a fear of not succeeding. Mental laziness is similar.
 
 
We avoid thinking about things in case we don’t actually understand the concept. We feel embarrassed when it’s revealed that we don’t understand something, and fear that others will think we’re stupid. Instead of challenging ourselves to think about something, even if it’s a tricky subject, we often wait for others to find the answer for us.
Poor Well-Being
 
When we’re tired, our brains don’t function as well and we may develop mental laziness. We’re zoned-out and unable to focus. This means we tend to run more on automatic thoughts than deep and critical thinking. Plenty of studies, including this one, carried out in Finland, prove that our ability to think is deeply impacted by our sleep schedule.
 
Similar studies, like this one done in California, show that our diet also has an impact on mental laziness. Junk food affects our attention span, and malnourishment makes thinking straight difficult. We all know the struggle that is trying to concentrate at school or work just before lunch. Our bodies need energy and nourishment to process information and create deep thoughts.
Irresponsibility
 
Have you ever met someone who has been so privileged that they have no concept of thinking for themselves? When a person grows up having had everything done for them, they don’t develop their ability to think about their actions. They float through life leaving mess and trouble in their wake, for no evil reason, they’re just mentally lazy.
 
If you’ve never had to take much responsibility for anything, you’re unlikely to ever be forced to think too much about your actions or what else is going on in the world.
How to Overcome Mental Laziness?
 
Fortunately, mental laziness is not something you have to be stuck with forever. With a little conscious effort, you can take your brain off autopilot and become a critical thinker.
Meditation
 
Mediation is the best way to fight mental laziness. It forces you to be alone with your thoughts. Meditation also teaches us to sort through our minds for valuable information and ditch the nonsense.
 
 
If you aren’t much of a thinker, use meditation to bring forward thoughts of importance to you. This could ideas of the future, feelings about world events, or just gratitude for family and friends. Meditation doesn’t always need to be done with an empty mind, especially if you struggle with connecting to your thoughts.
 
While overthinkers will benefit from quiet meditation, “underthinkers” and those who are mentally lazy will benefit from thoughtful meditation.
Improve Your Wellbeing
 
Possibly the most straightforward (but not always easiest) place to start is with your sleep pattern and diet. Try to get into a healthy night-time routine that will provide you with those blissful 9 hours of sleep. Too little sleep makes thinking difficult, but too much could also encourage mental laziness too.
 
Changing your diet can be challenging but will be noticeably beneficial to your brain. A generally healthy diet will be a significant improvement on one which consists mostly of junk foods as your body will have more nutrients and sustainable energy. Specific foods like fish, nuts and even dark chocolate will provide particular vitamins and minerals which are known to improve cognitive functioning.
Take One Task at A Time
 
Multi-tasking might seem like a great thing to be able to do, but when you fill your brain with several tasks at once, each one gets less attention. Our brains typically can’t handle multiple deep-thinking jobs at the same time, so we become mentally lazy and apply minimal thought to each one.
 
If you’re looking to rid yourself of mental laziness, make sure you always separate your tasks. When you’re taking on a project, you can devote more thought to it this way. No more autopilot, only intentional actions.
Set Some Goals
 
If you’re looking to gather up some motivation in your life, you can’t go wrong with setting goals. If you’re mentally lazy, you probably just stroll through life without much thought for your next move or the motivation behind your actions. When you have goals, both long and short term, you’ll be much more likely to have deep, critical thoughts in order to guide you to those goals.
 
Stop Escaping
 
Some of us hate to be alone with our thoughts. We’ll do anything just to avoid having to hear our brain chatter, especially those of us who suffer from anxiety and negative thinking. This is a type of mental laziness because we’d rather distract ourselves with nonsense than let ourselves think. Instead of running away, let the thoughts in. The only way you’ll solve the underlying cause is by thinking yourself through them.
 
Mental laziness is an easy trap to fall into these days, but fortunately, it’s not impossible to get back out of. Believe in your ability to create intelligent thoughts. Question the things you see, trust yourself to form your own, valid opinions.
 
 
References:
  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com
  2. https://www.entrepreneur.com

 

Becky Storey
 

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 19:47
Domingo, 09 / 02 / 20

5 Annoying Things a Know-It-All Does and How to Deal with Them

5 Annoying Things a Know-It-All Does and How to Deal with Them.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 9th, 2020.

 


 
 
What is a know-it-all; and how do you know if you (or someone in your life) are one?
 
It is a person who thinks they know all the answers, to everything. Invariably, they don’t! We aren’t talking here about experts or people with a high level of knowledge. We are considering people who think they are far more knowledgeable than they are.
 
Know-it-alls tend not to have the self-awareness to recognize this trait. So how do you spot such a person, and most importantly, how do you deal with them?
 
Key traits of a know-it-all
 
1. Arrogance
 
Know-it-alls will truly believe they have all the answers. This ego can manifest in several ways, but invariably, this type of person cannot accept that there is a multitude of things that they do not understand.
 
This huge ego is one of the easiest ways to spot a know-it-all, since they will wear their arrogance on their sleeve, and even believe it to be a positive trait!
 
2. Argumentative
 
If you come across someone who is extremely argumentative for no particular reason, there is a good chance they are a know-it-all. This type of person loves the opportunity to prove somebody else wrong, or to make a point. They might insert themselves into somebody else’s conversation just for the opportunity of sparking an argument.
 
Such a smarty might also turn a gentle discussion into a full-blown row, just for the chance to make their voice heard.
 
3. Patronizing
 
Every know-it-all believes themselves to be of higher intelligence than the people around them. Whilst this couldn’t be further from the truth, they will take great pl
easure in condescending, speaking down to and patronizing others with their superior intellect.
 
This patronizing nature comes from the belief that everybody else is less knowledgeable than they are.
 
4. Correcting others
 
The one thing that a smarty loves best is to be able to correct somebody else. Jumping in uninvited to a conversation, making a point of identifying errors and flaws in another’s argument, or loudly stating corrections is a sure-fire sign of a know-it-all.
 
5. Making excuses
 
On the other hand, the one thing know-it-alls hate most is to be wrong. You would have a very hard time convincing them of this fact, but if a smarty is proven to be incorrect, especially in a public setting, they will endeavor to find any reason to excuse their misinformation.
 
If they use the wrong word, they might try to pass it off as a colloquialism, for example, or say that they had misheard the question. Anything but admit being wrong!
 
So now we know the key traits of know-it-alls, how can we deal with them?
 
Dealing with a know-it-all
 
As with most unpleasant personality traits, a smarty usually has underlying insecurity that leads to their arrogant behavior. These could include:
  1. Insecurity about their own intellect – trying so hard to bury their feelings of inadequacy that they turn this around into being a know-it-all.
  2. Lack of self-control – they might be compulsive and feel unable to keep quiet even if their contribution to the conversation is unwelcome.
  3. A desire for praise – somebody who yearns for approval might act as an over-achiever, and try to come up with a meaningful answer for every question and appear to be smarter than they are.
How to handle know-it-alls
 
Here are my tips as to how to manage a know-it-all, particularly when they are a person you are likely to encounter every day, such as a family member, friend or colleague.
 
1. Ask questions
 
A smarty wants to wow the world with their knowledge, and can often alienate friends by having a retort or comment deriding every statement somebody else might make.
 
This can be diffused by asking them questions. This gives a know-it-all the outlet to express themselves, get their opinions off of their chest and perhaps might mitigate their compulsion to denigrate anybody else’s thoughts or feelings.
 
2. Define the limitations of your time
 
A smarty-pants wants approval. If you find yourself losing valuable time listening to their ramblings, it is up to you to set the boundaries of your time.
 
Try explaining that, whilst you are interested in their opinion, you have an urgent matter to attend to. Or, set the parameters before you talk if you have a colleague who thinks they know everything and you know can wax lyrical for hours on end.
 
3. Admit to not knowing
 
This only works in some circumstances, but know-it-alls may feel fearful of being ‘found out’ and try to obscure that with having an answer for every question. If this is the underlying reason for their behavior, rather than genuine arrogance, saying that you don’t know the answer could put them at ease.
 
Realizing the comfort with which most people have in not knowing absolutely everything is an assurance that this is completely normal, and that they will not be judged for not being a human encyclopedia!
 
4. Try to be understanding
 
If all else fails, you could try showing tolerance for a smarty-pants who probably finds it very hard to maintain friendships or relationships. They might genuinely not realize the extent of their behavior, or how off-putting it can be, so showing empathy might help them to calm down and control their impulses.

 

Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 

 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle


 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
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A Trusty with Privacy Search 
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Alternatives to YouTube
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 23:44
Domingo, 02 / 02 / 20

Online Disinhibition Effect Explains Why Some People Become Jerks Online

Online Disinhibition Effect Explains Why Some People Become Jerks Online

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 1st, 2020.

 
Online Disinhibition Effect.

 

 
Trolling others is a common refrain for people online. Indeed, this behavior has become so common that it is now intensively studied by psychologists. Psychologists call this behavior the ‘online disinhibition effect’. But what is it that makes people behave this way? Who are internet trolls? Are some people more likely to act like jerks online or is it something intrinsic to the internet that makes this happen?
 
In this post, we will explore the answers to these questions by exploring 5 of the fundamental factors causing people to be jerks on the internet.
 
Understanding the online disinhibition effect
 
Dissociative Anonymity
 
One thing people quickly learn as they peruse the internet is that people you engage with cannot tell who you are. Whilst the technically savvy could probably detect them easily with some computer wizardry, most people only see what you choose to display. Dissociative anonymity (and the online disinhibition effect) stems from the feelings generated from this ability to become ‘anonymous’. These feelings result in people losing their inhibitions.
 
The disinhibiting effects of dissociative anonymity can help people to open up. They know what they say or do won’t be linked back to them in their daily lives after all. However, whilst online disinhibition can be benign, it can also be toxic.
 
Indeed, the history of trolling shows this. People can be encouraged to be more deviant, rude, and racist. In fact, online jerks will say all the socially inappropriate things they can think of due to the lack of consequences.
 
Being invisible
 
The effects of dissociative anonymity are accentuated by the sense of invisibility online. We’re all guilty of a bit of online creeping at times. Be it to check out a potential love interest, or seeing what friends have been up to. The sense of invisibility enables us to do this. This leads to people doing things and visiting places online that they wouldn’t dream of in the real world.
 
The effects of invisibility in reducing inhibitions have long been known in Psychology. Indeed, psychoanalysts commonly use this technique so patients cannot see their body language and facial expressions.
 
By doing this, patients feel less inhibited and freer to say what they feel. With online text communication online, this sense of invisibility is enhanced. This enables internet trolls to separate their harsh words from the receiver’s response.
 
Perceived majority positioning
 
When people see themselves as holding the majority position, they are more likely to express their true opinion. Conversely, if they fear their opinion is in the minority, they may fear being ostracised. This phenomenon is known as the spiral of silence theory developed in the 1960s and 1970s by Elisabeth-Noelle Neuman. The theory seeks to describe how public opinion is formed and how certain behaviors are acceptable in public or in different spaces.
 
This theory also explains why people may act differently on the internet to in public. For example, whilst in the office, they may not make sexist or racist comments due to the fear of social isolation as a result.
 
However, online they may feel these views are widespread and in the majority, making them more likely to express them. Combined with a sense of anonymity and invisibility, the perceived majority status can entrench the online disinhibition effect.
 
Personality traits
 
Clearly, the functionality of the internet explains why some people behave in a disrespectful way online. However, personality traits are also likely to be a key component. Indeed, one study entitled ‘Trolls just want to have fun’ found that online trolls are more likely to be horrible people in real life.
 
Specifically, they wanted to see whether trolls were linked with the darkest personality traits of narcissism, Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and sadism. They carried out a survey of 1,200 people. This survey found that people ranking trolling as their top pastime on the internet were more likely to score highly for dark personality traits. In particular, trolls were linked with traits associated with sadism in the real world.
 
Unfortunately, sadistic tendencies can actually be pretty common. Combined with the online disinhibition effect, the right personality traits can turn people into unparalleled online jerks.
 
A spiral of negativity
 
Although some studies show that the online disinhibition effect is linked to sadism others have shown that anyone can be a jerk online. For example, a study for Stanford and Cornell Universities found that trolling may be influenced by situational factors at least as much as the innate traits of people. This study found that the person’s mood and the tone of comments already on posts can lead to a spiral of negativity that causes trolling.
 
They tested this by giving a sample of 667 people an easy or difficult test. Participants were then asked to read the same article and comment underneath. However, underneath the article, people saw either neutral comments or troll-like comments. The study found that 68% of those given the harder test alongside the article with comments by trolls wrote troll-like comments themselves. Even for the easy test plus inoffensive comments group, this figure still stood at 35%.
 
So do some people become jerks online because of the internet or because they are jerks in real life? Well, the online disinhibition effect explains that psychological factors, personality traits, and the functionality of the internet are all to blame for this type of behavior.
 
 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 03:00
Sexta-feira, 31 / 01 / 20

The Friendship Paradox Reveals the Weird Reason You Are Less Popular Than Your Friends

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 30th, 2020.

 
friendship paradox.

 
 
 
Have you ever noticed that the people you hang out with always seem to be more popular than you? Whether it’s down at the gym, on social media, or even at work, it is common for people to notice that their friends seem fitter, more popular, and more successful. According to researchers in the field of social networks, this is due to something known as the friendship paradox. But what is this paradox and why does it make it seem like we are less popular than our friends?
 
In this post, we’ll explore the reasons the friendship paradox exists, the different ways it manifests itself, and why you don’t need to worry about this strange phenomenon.
 
What is the friendship paradox?
 
According to the sociologist of social networks Scott Feld, the reason our friends are likely to be more popular than we are is simply down to maths and sampling. He found that, if you were to ask someone who their friends were and then met the friends of that person and asked them the same question, then, on average, you would find that the friends are better connected than that first person.
 
This is perhaps most apparent on social networks online where our behavior affects our self-image greatly, with one study finding 98% of Twitter followers following people were being followed by more people than them.
 
The friendship paradox also has wide-ranging effectsbeyond the internet and friendship circles and can potentially be used to explain why people you see in the gym are always much fitter than you, or noticing that your sexual partners are typically more experienced than you are. Indeed, a new study has found that this paradox may hold for additional characteristics, such as income, happiness, and sexual partners.
 
Effectively, the friendship paradox stems from a sampling bias built on the fact that people with more friends tend to be observed more by their friends. Equally, if you take the gym example, the reason everyone at the gym seems fitter than you is because they spend more time there.
 
When it comes to sexual partners, people who are actively dating are more likely to be sexually active with more people. When it comes to income, only certain friends can afford to do certain activities, bringing in higher earners to social networks and making the activities they do more noticeable. This broader phenomenon is sometimes called the “Generalized Friendship Paradox”.
Why does it exist?
 
As Scott Feld explained the concept, the reason the friendship paradox exists is because of maths and sampling. Whilst everyone’s friendship group might be different, everyone’s sample is always likely to be skewed. This will tend towards your friends being likely to be more popular than you are on average. This is due to the fact that within any friendship group, people with more friends are more likely to be in the sample.
 
The simple act of taking a sample of friends inevitably leads to something known as a biased sample in statistics. Namely, this is due to the fact that those without connections and with less friends are less likely to be included in the sample. People can also be double-counted across the network. This leads to a situation where the majority of people have fewer friends that only the most popular within their network.
 
Samples can also be majorly skewed with the existence of particularly popular friends. If you happen to be connected with Barack Obama, who has the most Twitter followers of anybody with over 112 million, then your network will have its average popularity increase compared to the general population.
 
By virtue of their appearance in multiple networks, connections feed into the friendship paradox that makes us all feel less popular than our own personal network.
 
Why you don’t need to worry about the friendship paradox
 
The concept of the friendship paradox can all seem quite depressing. The fact that science seems to back up the findings beyond basic friendships, can make things seem even worse. However, there is no need to despair because the phenomenon doesn’t necessarily drop off as you move up the social pyramid. It is down to the natural result of social connections through networks.
 
Take, for example, the aforementioned twitter study which found 98% of users followed accounts followed by more people than themselves. This study actually found that even the top 0.5 percent of Twitter users fell into the friendship paradox.
 
This is because they found that those who have more followers also tended towards following people with more influence and activity than they themselves mustered. That’s why too much social media could be secretly making you feel bad.
 
This all means that feeling down when comparing yourself to your friends is futile. Indeed, the more we compare ourselves to others, be it on social media or in our daily lives, the more likely we are to come up against this phenomenon.
 
It is a statistical reality that, on average, the people in our social networks will be getting more of whatever lens we look through. As such we either have to accept and embrace that fact or avoid seeking comparisons within a network that is likely to leave you feeling blue.
 
 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
and https://www.facebook.com/mel.tavares.75


A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com
 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 03:56
Domingo, 26 / 01 / 20

10 Things Your Introverted Friend Wants You to Know about Them

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

January 26, 2020

 
 
 
Introverts and extroverts can seem like different species at times. Each has their own needs, and sometimes, when you’re so strongly one way, it can be difficult to understand the other. As an extrovert, an introverted friend of yours might seem strange.
 
You could be as different as night and day, but if you love that introvert, then you’re probably desperate to find ways to understand them.
 
Truths to Help You Understand Your Introverted Friend
 
1. They Don’t Want You to Invite Extra People
 
Big group interactions are hard, big groups with unexpected people are even harder. When you make plans with an introverted friend, they’re looking forward to it being exactly the way they expect it to be. Blindsiding them with new faces could be extra draining and a little intimidating.
 
If the extra people are strangers or just acquaintances, then you might send your introvert running. Save them the discomfort and worry and don’t surprise them with extra people. Remember, introversion isn’t about social anxiety, it’s about energy. More people mean more lost energy.
 
2. They Don’t Want You to Show Up Unannounced
 
Our homes are our safe havens. This is even more true for an introvert. In our homes, we rest and recuperate in our own private ways. Your introverted friend needs time to themselves, and they probably feel safe inside their houses, knowing they can heal on their own time.
 
If you show up unannounced, you could be interrupting essential healing time. Without this time, you might be hindering their ability to recover. Introversion is all about energy. Introverts lose their energy quickly in social situations, even if you think they’re low-intensity events. Your introverted friends need to be alone to rebuild their strength.
 
Introverts may also be more uneasy about confrontation and therefore won’t want to ask you to leave. You could be causing them to feel overwhelmed and unable to be honest about their needs.
 
3. They Don’t Want You to Arrange Surprises
 
On that subject, don’t surprise them at all. Your introverted friend probably doesn’t want a surprise party on their birthday, a surprise visit from a friend or a surprise extra guest at dinner. They want to go into things with an idea of what to expect. Without that security, you might knock them off balance and ruin the experience altogether.
 
Save yourself the trouble and plan ahead and let them in the loop.
 
4. They Don’t Want You to Pressure Them for “Excitement”
 
Big days out, busy parties and large groups can be daunting. They can be incredibly draining on your introverted friend’s energy. That’s not to say they’ll never want any of those things, but if they say no, you should take their word for it.
 
Your introverted friend trusts you to never pressure them outside of their limits. Without those safe boundaries, you might lose your friend. Respect their wishes and believe them when they say they aren’t up to something.
 
5. They Don’t Want You to Call
 
Many introverts, and even shyer extroverts, hate phone calls. The pressure to think on the spot and fill silences can be terrifying. The inability to see the reactions and emotions of the person at the other end can make people incredibly uneasy.
 
Unless you’re certain that your introverted friend is happy with phone calls, try to avoid calling out of the blue. If you have to call, send a message first. If you don’t have to call, don’t do it at all.
 
6. They Don’t Want Constant Contact
 
For some introverts, social media and texting is a godsend. The perfect way to keep in touch from a long distance. However, some might need time away from that too. The constant connection might be an energy drain too.
 
If your introverted friend needs to go MIA for a while, let them. They’ll come back when they feel refreshed. Pestering them for contact and attention might cause them to need more time alone.
 
7. You Shouldn’t Take It Personally
 
Any introvert will tell you that alone time is essential. They crave silence and rest. It’s understandable that you might take this personally when it’s your introverted friend that’s closing down. Always remember that their isolating behavior isn’t a sign that they don’t like you. Their behavior isn’t a reflection on how they feel about you.
 
Don’t judge them as rude or cold when they don’t want to hang out. Your introverted friends just need time for themselves. If you put your emotions into the situation, you might risk pushing them away. Understand that they have needs that might not match up with your own, and that doesn’t have to affect your friendship.
 
8. You Should Encourage Them to Talk
 
You definitely shouldn’t put your introverted friends on the spot and force them to talk, but you should leave doors open for them. Introverts struggle to talk in crowds, due to nerves and typically being quieter than most.
 
In intimate settings, you could ask them questions you know they’ll want to answer. You could also leave conversation openings to them, so they can pitch in with a story when they would usually stay silent. Introverts tend to be more thoughtful than others, so there’s no telling what hidden depths you might be missing by not helping them speak.
 
9. Let Them Make the Plans
 
Usually, introverts don’t feel comfortable with spontaneity. They don’t like not knowing the plans and they don’t like leaving the plans in the hands of other people. Most of the time, if you exclude the introverts from your planning stage, or don’t have one at all, you’ll be faced with a hundred questions and a lot of negotiations. And even then, they still might be too unsure to attend.
 
Save yourself the hassle and let your introverted friends be part of the planning. If they know what to expect and what they’re comfortable with it, they’re more likely to show up.
 
10. Give Them Down-Time
 
Introverts don’t tend to crave being busy, especially if that means socializing. They don’t need to fill their time with company or excitement. It might seem strange to an extrovert, but your introverted friend is probably completely fine doing nothing for days.
 
If you want to spend time together, suggest low-intensity hangouts for you to share. Let them dictate the schedule too, sometimes they’re going to want to leave early. That doesn’t mean you have to too, they probably don’t want company anyway, but they’d appreciate your understanding.
 
If you let them enjoy time away from the spotlight and the noise, you’ll be more likely to have a happier, more engaged friend.
 
Introverts and extroverts might make a strange pairing, but that doesn’t mean they can’t form long-lasting and meaningful friendships. Introverts keep their thoughts and lives private until someone gains their trust. When you show that you understand them, you could be welcomed into their secret world of untold depths. Introverts can be very loyal and once you’ve been let in, you’ll never be out.
 
Becky Storey
 

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 19:10
Domingo, 26 / 01 / 20

Spectacular Super Snow Moon Phenomenon Not to Miss This February

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 25th, 2020.

 
 

 
The celestial beauty of the heavens wouldn’t be complete without the allure of the Super snow moon in February. You don’t want to miss it!
 
Ever since I was a small child, I would gaze into the heavens in amazement. I would reach up and try to grasp the stars in my hand. Also, I would trace the moon with my finger and yes, I did imagine the craters as little indentions on cheese.
 
 
My imagination was fueled by the beauty of the skies. I even heard the story of the man in the moon. If I looked close enough, I could make out his features. But it would be years before I learned the names of the moons according to the months, including the supermoon coming as 2020’s February full moon.
 
What Is the Super Snow Moon?
 
On February 9, 2020, our full moon will rise and be known by many people as the super snow moon. It will be bright, and illuminate deep snowfall in some areas of the world, hence the name.
 
It will also be at its perigee, meaning it will be larger than usual, this is where the “super” part of the title applies. To me, this special full moon will add warm feelings to this darkened cold and sometimes heavy time of the year.
 
There’s another fascinating fact about the special February moon, as well. Every 19 years, it doesn’t exist. That’s right, after almost two decades of February full moons, both January and March have two full moons and February is void of this magic. It sounds kind of sad, but also extremely interesting. So, every now and then, we won’t see the super snow moon, so we should enjoy its beauty when we can.
 
But on the other hand, we witness a phenomenon called the dark moon, which is just as exciting as it is ominous. The wonders of the world never cease to amaze me.
 
Here’s a secret – not everyone calls the February full moon the super snow moon. No, not at all. This moon has many names, deriving from many areas around the world.
 
For instance, the English call this full moon, the “Wolf Moon”. From long ago both in Medieval England and among Pagans, this moon was called “the storm moon”. So, although the February full moon names have similarities, they are different from region to region. In the U.S., there are numerous names for this supermoon phenomenon.
 
Native American Origins
 
So, I guess you’re wondering why the February 9th full moon is called the super snow moon, aren’t you? Well, that is because according to weather reports and the farmer’s almanac, February receives the most snowfall in the United States. Now you can see the obvious correlation.
 
However, the native Americans had many names for this deep winter moon. These names varied according to the different tribes in the U.S.
 
Many names for the February full moon:
 
1. Wishram of the Pacific Northwest
 
The native people of the Pacific Northwest called the February moon the “Shoulder to shoulder around the Fire moon” because they literally had to sit tightly side by side around the fire to stay warm.
 
2. Cherokee of the Southeast
 
The Cherokee natives considered the full moon of February the “bone moon”. This name came about because of the scarcity of food during the deep winter. Usually, the majority of nutrition came from the marrow of bones or bone broth.
 
3. Lakota of the Southwest
 
The February supermoon was also called the “Moon when the trees crack because of the cold”. Wow! Can you imagine the deep cold that inspires such a name?
 
4. Arapaho in the Mid-West
 
Natives of this area called the February full moon, “Frost sparkling in the sun” because even though February is one of the coldest months in the U.S., the snow which covers many areas seems tosparkle under the moonlight as if it was light from the sun. When observed, this kind of beauty couldn’t possibly be easily forgotten.
 
There are many other notable Native American full moon names such as the “Coyote moon”originating from the Shoshone people’s story about fox and coyote both wanting to be the moon. It’s an interesting and fanciful story. Then there is the Cree who considered the February moon, “the old moon”.
 
The list goes on and on, with most names either representing the frigid cold or the lack of food for the native people. One of the most memorable ones is “the hunger moon” because it represents the simple fact that February was a month when everyone, even though they were starving, remained strong with whatever resources they had available.
 
But, I will say that the super snow moon remains a favorite, simply because it invokes a feeling of power. Now, that’s a much better way to look at this beautiful phenomenon.
 
So, when can you see the February super snow moon?
 
 
As with all the other magnificent full moons each month, the February moon shouldn’t be missed either. The moon will be at its fullest on Sunday, February 9, 2020, at 2:34 a.m. EST.
 
If you live in the U.S., this time or any hour close to this time may be a little late or too early for some. The alternative would be to view the fullest part of the full moon as late as you can on Saturday night.
 
Use these opportunities to get great images of the super snow moon. In fact, each month, don’t miss a capture of the full moon, compare them and notice changes in position, coloration, size, and beauty.
 
It’s been a while since I lay in the grass and stared up into the heavens, but I think I might wrap uptight and lay under the super snow moon for a while, careful not to fall asleep and freeze. After all, I’ve also heard this moon represents changes as well. We’ll see!
 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
 

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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 18:59
Sábado, 25 / 01 / 20

7 Micromanagement Examples in Family, Friend Circles, and the Workplace

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 24th, 2020.

 
 


 
There are so many micromanagement examples because there are so many ways this controlling behavior can be used.

Micromanaging is basically a form of control, although it can seem a bit more subtle in operation. For example, those who are guilty of micromanaging usually don’t even know they are doing this. They see their hovering or helping as just that, helping someone improve their life. They do this even when no one’s asked them to.

Why is micromanaging wrong?

This sort of behavior is wrong for several reasons. For one, you cannot control what others do. Although you may succeed in controlling behavior for a while, ultimately, people are going to do what they want.

Micromanaging doesn’t allow people to learn. Basically, it does things for them or takes away their ideas and exchanges them for what the controller thinks is a better option. Just like these people aren’t always aware of what they do, we aren’t always aware of the signs that someone we know does this either. There are ways to discover the behavior, however.

What are some micromanagement examples?

1. You would have done things differently

Here’s an example of micromanaging: No matter how someone completes a project, you see a different way that, to you, would have been better.

Not only do you see this in your mind and roll it over in your head, you tell them about it. You tell your coworker, friend, or partner, that there would have been a much better way of cleaning at work or planning a party with friends. It doesn’t matter, because you think you know what’s best.

2. You have to know everything about everything

Micromanaging also includes the nasty habit of being aware of absolutely everything.

For instance, if a mother is a micromanager when her child returns from school, she will want to know every single detail of the child’s day. From the time they got off the bus until the moment they arrived home, all this must be known because this urgency, which a micromanager usually has, can be softened.

3. Help has become control

There’s a big difference between being helpful and being controlling. If you want to help someone, whether at work or at home, that’s fine. You can offer solutions and ideas.

However, if you force someone to do things your way right from the start, you are simply being controlling. There’s no pretty way to say it. For couples, controlling behavior that comes from micromanaging can become extremely fierce.

4. You’re making huge decisions for others

There are some things that even children need to decide for themselves. One example is when a teen is nearing graduation, and they have to pick a college they wish to attend. If you micromanage, you will push your teenager toward the college that YOU prefer, not the college that pricks their interests.

Micromanaging in this area can affect the entire course of your child’s life and their dreams. Think about it. What if your child wishes to play a certain sport, and the college you push them to join doesn’t allow them to major in that sport. You could scar your child and make them think much differently about you.

5. Removing motivation when mistakes are made

One of the typical examples of micromanagement is when motivation or morale is removed due to a simple mistake. This happens so often in the workplace, for example, when someone makes a small mistake that can easily be fixed.

A supervisor who micromanages will punish the employee for the small mistake, and not even show them why the mistake was made. This kills morale, and honestly, it can cause more mistakes to be made as well. This is one of the reasons that so many people are fired from their jobs. It can be avoided by eliminating micromanaging.

6. Mothers are too protective

Did you know that if you are too protective of your child, even as a toddler, you can sow seeds of dependence on others? That’s right. Micromanaging your child, for instance, on playdates with other children, will teach the child that you will always step in to save them. It will remove responsibility as well.

Hey, trust me, I know grown men who’ve been protected in this manner and cannot take the blame for anything. Mothers, in order to not be a micromanagement example, you have to let children work through their difficulties just a bit before you and the other parents step in to help and sort things out.

7. You’re making someone feel inferior

This example can be used with work relationships, family situations, and even couples. Micromanaging in a way that you are putting yourself on a pedestal not only looks stupid, but it also makes people feel inferior. It trains them to just go along with whatever you say because they are used to doing so.

So when they do have great ideas, you will be the last one to know about, and the last one to celebrate when ideas create something great worthy of a reward.

In reality, it is just control

Just face it, you want to control everything so everything cannot control you. It’s fear at its worst. At least that’s one reason why you, the micromanager, do this. So, you know that it must stop in order to live a normal life.

If this is not you, and you’re dealing with this, always remember your worth, and keep fighting to be heard. Try to show micromanagers what they’re actually doing to you and to themselves, and maybe they will be willing to get better.

I sure do hope so.


 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
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Alternative to YouTube
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 02:00
Quinta-feira, 16 / 01 / 20

7 Signs You Are an Overly Critical Person and How to Stop Being One

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 16th, 2020.

 
 

 
 
You may think that you aren’t an overly critical person until you read about it. If you are, you can learn how to stop.
 
I am an overly critical person. There, I went ahead and admitted a fact about myself. To be honest, in the last few months, I’ve realized quite a bit of unhealthy aspects of my personality. But instead of letting it drag me down, I choose to work on this issue and get better. Are you overly critical?
 
What is an overly critical person?
 
You won’t recognize that you’re criticizing and judging people until it’s been done to you, or until you start reading about the signs. You may think the way you operate is normal, and your intentions are to help others be better people.
 
But remember, every human is an individual, and criticism doesn’t change them, it shouldn’t. If anything is to be changed, it should be done by the one who wants to change. Do you see my point? Well, in case you don’t understand, read on…
 
Signs of criticizing way too much:
 
1. A negative upbringing
 
Unfortunately, so many of us were surrounded by negative people when we were children. Our mothers, our fathers, even extended family members constantly talked about other people, and judged individuals on one trait, or what they wear.
 
If you grew up listening to all this negativity, you may still think it’s normal to criticize people and judge them. Yes, this trait of being overly critical can be deep indeed.
 
2. Labeled a negative person
 
If the people who are close to you are saying that you’re negative all the time, then it might be time to evaluate yourself.
 
No, you don’t have to take everything a person says to heart, but when family and friends repeatedly tell you to stop being so judgemental, then you probably need to change that fact and try to be more positive. If you’re used to being negative, this will be hard to do, but it will be so worth it when results show.
 
3, Micromanaging is second nature
 
If someone in your household is repairing a window or cooking a meal, it will be almost impossible for you to let them do it without your help – moreover, it does not really help, it’s the fact that you will tell them all the ways they’re doing it wrong. You may even take hold of the tools or utensils and do a bit of the work to show them.
 
This is a glaring indication that you are much too critical of others and what they do.
 
4. You have a mental disorder
 
I hate mentioning this one again because it seems to be a growing issue. However, if you have a mental disorder, you may also have a problem with criticizing people. Paranoia will make youconstantly ask questions about how someone is completing a task. Anxiety will make you criticize almost everything, honestly.
 
I do this. If I don’t have consistency, then something is wrong. If someone looks shady, then I will say they’re shady. Yes, I am embarrassed to admit it, but mental illness can cause us to become extremely judgmental while we wish others weren’t so judgemental of us. So, when we fight the stigma, remember, let’s fight the judgment in ourselves as well.
 
5. Nothing is completely enjoyable
 
Do you know those people who go out and have a good time and come home smiling? Yeah, I’m not one of them. I want to be, and I want it so badly I could scream. You will recognize the overly critical person by the fact that they find something wrong with everything.
 
You could simply be going to see a movie, and they will complain about some trivial little things like too many previews. Ordinary people enjoy the movie and go home happy. No matter how fun the day is, the critical people will find the fault – we will find the crack in perfection.
 
6. You’re always moody
 
An overly critical person will always be moody, whether they have depression or not. That’s because not everyone else is doing things as you would do them.
 
For instance, a critical person can get angry because someone forgets to open the door for them. This could have been a one-time incident, but they will label it as being inconsiderate. There are so many things that moody people notice and it makes them even darker.
 
7. You complain all the time
 
A critical person will complain so much that they prepare themselves for the bad day they will have, no kidding. I got in the habit for a while of waking up and immediately wondering how someone was going to make me mad at some point during the day. I should have been thankful and thinking about all the time I had to get good things done.
 
Then when people come around, and something isn’t right, like you expected, you complain. You complain if you get too much attention, you complain if you aren’t, you complain if it rains, you complain if it stays dry and hot. No matter how wonderful the day is, a constant critical person will make it tarnished.
How do we stop this?
 
So, since I do this too, we gotta learn to stop together, right? I’ve been reading up on some material that’s starting to help me with this problem. If that critical thinking is deep-rooted in childhood, then when you start thinking that way, remember where it comes from and say a resounding “NO!”
 
What this does is it reminds you that you are not your ancestors, and you can see the world in a different way.
 
If you suffer from a mental disorder, then working with your therapist and telling them ALL the truth about your day will help them find ways to turn your thought process around. It’s all about your mindset.
 
I’ve learned that. You see, you’ve set your mind to bad, and gradually, with small steps, you can set it to good. Instead of saying, “Oh god, I wonder what crap I will have to put up with the day.”, say,“Oh, I am so excited to start this new day!”
 
For the complainers, practice finding at least one good thing about the person you’re criticizing. For the ones who criticize even their fun times, try to only have fun and ignore those pestering thoughts telling you that the drive was too long, or the bathrooms were too dirty.
 
It’s all about practice, you see. It’s bettering yourself a little bit every day. If you fail, just try again. Don’t let others’ negative remarks spark your negativity. Return a negative comment with a nice one. It will startle them and they will get confused. I’ve been doing this lately.

 

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com
 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 
 
publicado por achama às 18:45
Terça-feira, 14 / 01 / 20

4 Signs of a Micromanaging Boss and What to Do If You Have One

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 11th, 2020.

 
micromanaging boss.

 
 
 

 
The day to day grind of working in an office can lead one to think that their experience is the norm. However, having a manager that monitors everything and a lack of freedom at work can harm both your performance and well-being. In this post, we explore the 4 signs that you have a micromanaging boss and what you can do to deal with them.
 
What does it mean to micromanage?
 
The practice of micromanagement isn’t restricted to the workplace. However, this is where micromanagers are often found.
 
Micromanagement refers to exerting excessive control over a person or a situation. This can occur within a social context, at work, or even in relationships. An obsession over the minute detail over what someone is doing, rather than looking at the bigger picture is a key characteristic of someone who micromanages.
 
Sometimes, micromanagement can take on a bullying persona where one person attempts to completely control and influence the actions and behavior of another. If this sounds all too familiar, then it may be that your boss is micromanaging you.
 
In the next section, we look at some of the familiar traits of a micromanager in the workplace.
 
4 signs that your boss is micromanaging you
 
1. Your freedom is restricted
 
Do you feel like your boss is constantly looking over your shoulder? Or that you have to run everything (even small things) by them first? Feeling a lack of freedom in your job is a sure sign that you have a micromanaging boss.
 
Good managers trust their staff, as they recognize that they are qualified for the role they are undertaking. A boss that is partial to micromanagement does not feel this trust and doesn’t allow their employees to make decisions for themselves.
 
Autonomy at work is an important means of keeping you interested in your job as it gives you room to be creative. Feeling trusted to make decisions is also essential in a work environment to ensure you feel valued and empowered.
 
2. Your boss is reluctant to give you training
 
Another indication that you have a micromanaging boss is if they’re reluctant for you to undertake any training or development opportunities. This comes from the fear that through upskilling their staff, they will decrease their own value and importance. This aspect of being micromanaged can feel particularly restrictive as it makes it difficult to progress in your career.
 
So, if you’ve noticed your manager won’t share their knowledge with you or brushes over training opportunities, it is likely they are guilty of micromanaging.
 
3. They can’t see the big picture
 
Part of being a good manager comes from being able to see the bigger picture and trusting that their employees have their individual tasks in hand.
 
A micromanager, however, is unable to do this. They are obsessed with the minute detail within projects. This means that instead of being free to just ‘get on with it’ you’re constantly forced to update your boss on what you’re doing.
 
This could be in the form of regular reports, constant team meetings to feedback on progress, or a persistent email thread that feels incredibly unproductive. It can feel like you spend most of your time updating your boss on what you’re doing rather than actually doing the work itself.
 
If this sounds like your experience, then it’s likely your boss is micromanaging the work you do.
 
4. They don’t like to delegate
 
Another trait of a micromanaging boss is that they don’t like to delegate. All of the points above ring true of a person who lacks faith in others, and this aspect of micromanagement is no different.
 
A micromanaging manager will often refuse to pass on important tasks to their team as they feel they are the only ones qualified to undertake them. This can lead to an overwhelming workload for them, and a feeling of discontent amongst other team members.
 
Difficulties in delegating can also lead to unnecessary delays and projects that feel like they are never-ending.
 
How to deal with a micromanaging boss?
 
Unsurprisingly, showing a lack of faith in the team, a refusal to help team members develop, and the refusal to delegate leads to an unsatisfactory work life for those under the leadership of a micromanager. However, it doesn’t have to be like this. Here are some tips on how to deal with your micromanaging boss.
 
1. Be honest
 
It can seem daunting to criticize the behavior of your manager. However, it may be that they don’t realize the impact that their micromanaging is having.
 
Next time you have a one-to-one scheduled, prepare what you want to say to your manager and write down some examples of when their micromanaging has gone too far. Highlight how their managing style is impacting on your ability to do your job and your well-being at work. An open and honest conversation can feel scary beforehand, but the benefits are likely to be well worth it.
 
2. Be one step ahead of them
 
If you’ve been working under a micromanager for a while, you can no doubt anticipate when and what they are planning to ask you. By anticipating this beforehand you can provide the answers to their questions before they have the chance to breathe over your shoulder.
 
This could be in the form of an email at the start or end of the week to update them on any progress. In showing them that you’re fully on top of things, it may give them the confidence to give you the space you need.
Final Words
 
Handling a micromanaging boss can feel like a job in itself. It can mean that you feel incredibly restricted in your work and affect your happiness in your job.
 
Opening up to your manager that their managing style is not working for you can feel like a huge hurdle to jump over. However, it can lead to a much-needed discussion around how you can best work together to make the work environment a happy and productive place.
 
References:

  1. https://www.rd.com
  2. https://www.forbes.com

 

 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


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publicado por achama às 20:58
Terça-feira, 07 / 01 / 20

I Had an Emotionally Unavailable Mother and Here’s What It Felt Like

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

January 7th, 2020.

 
EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MOTHER.
 

 
 
Want to know what it feels like to be raised by an emotionally unavailable mother? Let me tell you my story.
 
Whenever someone asks me about my mother, I say ‘She died when I was young’. When they reply that they are so sorry, I always say ‘It doesn’t matter, she was an evil cow and I didn’t love her anyway. Most people are shocked.
 
Are you? If you are – why? You didn’t know her. You didn’t know what she was like. What it was like growing up with her. And before you say ‘Well yes that’s all very well, but she was your mother’, so what? Tell me what law or unwritten rule stipulates that I have to love my mother? There is none.
 
You might think it is disrespectful to talk the way I do. But those among you who have experienced an emotionally unavailable mother will understand my point of view. And believe me when I tell you that I tried my very hardest to love her.
 
What Is an Emotionally Unavailable Mother?
 
‘Emotionally unavailable mother’ to me is just a fancy psychological way of saying cold-hearted and unfeeling. But what is the difference between a mother who struggles sometimes to show her love and one that is emotionally unavailable? I can only tell you my story and it may appear cold and matter-of-fact.
 
But what if your mother never cuddled you or told you she loved you? Or actually even spoke to you that much? What if your mother used you as a means to earn money and her own personal housekeeper? How would you feel if she was abusive to your siblings and cold towards you? Perhaps then you might understand a little of how I feel.
 
So let me tell you a few stories about dear old mum. Maybe you’ll get where I’m coming from. Or perhaps you’ll think I’m being a total snowflake and I should just get over myself and stop blaming her for everything.
 
What It Feels Like to Have an Emotionally Unavailable Mother
 
No loving touch
 
I remember being very little, probably around 4 or 5 and craving my mother’s touch. She never touched me ever. Not a hug, a cuddle, nothing.
 
But she did do one thing and that was to come into my and my sisters’ bedrooms after a night out drinking and check we were all in bed. If our bedsheets were tangled, she would straighten them out.
 
This was an opportunity for me to receive a touch from my mother as sometimes if my arm was hanging out of the bed, she would put it back under the sheets. Imagine being this starved of a mother’s touch that you engineer a scenario where she might come into contact with you? And at that young age?
 
No response
 
Again, when I was young, I could write so I guess I was around the age of 5-6, I would leave little notes to my mother. The notes would say things like ‘I love you so much mum’ and ‘You are the best mum in the world’.
 
I would leave these love notes to my mother on her pillow on her bed so she would see them before she went to sleep. She never mentioned them. I would excitably go to bed and look under my pillow to see what she had left for me. After a few weeks, I stopped writing them.
 
Ignored wishes
 
I passed my 12+ which meant I could go to a local grammar school. There were two choices; an all-girls one which had a very posh reputation (not me at all, we lived on a council estate) or a local mixed grammar where all my friends were going.
 
Mother decided I was to attend the all-girls school. Despite my protests, she told me ‘It would look better on my CV later’ when I applied for jobs. Ironically, I wasn’t allowed to carry on and study for A-Levels. I had to work at the factory job she had found for me when I was 16 to help pay the household bills.
 
Can’t confide with your mother
 
I had a very bad time at grammar school. I didn’t know anyone. There were cliques of girls who had known one another from middle school and were quite happy to stay in their own little groups.
 
It got so bad that I ran away twice and went home. Each time my mother took me back to the school, no questions asked. The school did try to help but as far as mother was concerned I was to ‘get on with it’. I contemplated ending it all but got through it.
 
Some years later, mother and I were arguing and she had said she’d always done her best for me. I shouted back that because she’d sent me to that school I’d tried to top myself. I ran upstairs to my bedroom. She followed and for the first time in my life, she put her arm around me. It felt so odd and strange I felt physically sick and had to move away.
 
The Impact of Having a Mother Who Was Emotionally Unavailable
 
So that’s a little of my pity party story. There’s much more but a lot involves other people and that is their story to tell. So how am I affected and what do I do about it?
 
Well, I never wanted children. I don’t have a maternal bone in me. I am shown pictures of babies and I don’t get it. I don’t feel this flush of warmth or emotion. But show me a puppy or an animal in pain or distress and I am weeping like a baby. I think I feel emotionally attached to animals more because they have no voice. They can’t tell you what is wrong. I felt the same way during childhood.
 
I have a cold heart. I always say I have a heart of stone. Nothing touches it. I’ve formed this hard barrier around it so nothing will crack it. This is a survival technique I learned as a child. Don’t let anyone in and you won’t be hurt.
 
A late boyfriend of mine used to say to me ‘You are a hard nut to crack’ and I never knew what he meant but now I do. He also said that I was either clingy of hostile. This is also true. You are either everything to me or you are nothing.
 
As a child, I had an avoidant attachment style. I had spent a long time trying to get my mother’s attention. Having failed I shut down and become ambivalent about her. As an adult, this has transformed into a dismissive-avoidant style where I keep myself to myself. I avoid contact with others and keep emotions at arm’s length.
 
Despite the former tirade, I don’t blame my mother for anything.
 
In fact, I am thankful she had me. It was the 60s, she was out of wedlock and she could easily have not have done so.
 
I remind myself that I am not my mother. I understand the weaknesses of my upbringing and that allows me to cope with life as an adult.
 
Then, I have a tendency to shut myself away from people and have to try hard to socialise. The saying ‘better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’ doesn’t apply to me. If there is a chance of losing love I won’t love in the first place.
 
I know why I have to be the centre of attention when I am in company. It is because I craved it as a child and never got it. Likewise, I like to shock people and see their reaction. This goes directly back to my mother. I would intentionally shock her when I was a teen. Just to try and get something out of her.
 
Final Thoughts
 
I think that we need to remember that emotional neglect from an unavailable mother can be as damaging as abuse and physical neglect. However, understanding how any kind of neglect has affected you is key to moving forward.

 

 
Janey Davies

 





About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



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Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


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publicado por achama às 17:23
Sábado, 28 / 12 / 19

20 Signs of a Narcissistic Perfectionist Who Is Poisoning Your Life

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

December 27th, 2019.

 
Narcissistic Perfectionist signs.
 
 
 
Psychological terms such as narcissism and perfectionist have been around for decades. We understand their character traits, even if we don’t possess them ourselves. But what happens when the two collide? Is there such a thing as a narcissistic perfectionist? And if so, what impact does it have on a person’s life?
 
Understanding the Narcissistic Perfectionist
 
It is easy to explain this kind of person. We simply break down the two components of their personality.
 
 
So, we know that narcissists, as well as putting themselves first, have the following character traits:
 
Narcissists:
  • A grandiose sense of self
  • A sense of entitlement
  • They think they are special and unique
 
On the other hand, perfectionists set themselves impossibly high standards.
 
Perfectionists:
  • Strive for flawless performance
  • They will work tirelessly, be extremely self-critical.
  • Some will have a tendency to procrastinate.
 
Now, it’s not quite as simple as putting these two character traits together. This is because the narcissist who is also a perfectionist projects their perfectionism onto other people, not themselves. This is the difference between a perfectionist and a person with narcissistic traits.
 
The narcissistic perfectionist sets these unrealistic goals and targets for other people. Furthermore, they get angry and hostile if they don’t reach these impossible goals.
 
Dr. Simon Sherry is a clinical psychologist and an associate professor. He works in the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience.
 
 
“Narcissistic perfectionists have a need for other people to satisfy their unreasonable expectations… And if you don’t, they get angry.” Dr. Simon Sherry
 
Studies into This Type of Personality
 
Studies included researching the biographies of famous CEOs with narcissistic perfectionism. Employees reported their bosses lashing out at them for very minor mistakes. They would be held in high-esteem one minute then go from ‘hero to zero’ the next.
 
 
In addition, employees would be routinely derogated in front of co-workers. The CEOs would be hyper-critical, to the point of outright hostility.
 
So why is this combination so lethal?
 
“But high expectations paired with feelings of grandiosity and entitlement to the perfect performance of others creates a much more negative combination.” Dr. Simon Sherry
 
So far we have talked about top CEOs, but what about in everyday life? What if the perfectionist narcissist is a member of your own family?
 
Logan Nealis is a Clinical Psychology Ph.D. student. He is working with the Personality Research Team.
 
 
“A narcissistic perfectionist parent demands perfect performance from his daughter on the hockey rink, but not necessarily from anyone else out there.” Logan Nealis
 
But it’s not just about demanding perfection from people around them. It is also about basking in the glow of success through the perfection achieved by those around them. The narcissist can say, through these perfect achievements, ‘Look how good I am!’
Typical Behaviors of a Narcissistic Perfectionist
 
So how can you spot someone with narcissistic perfectionist tendencies? According to recent studies, there are several major red flags:
 
“Our most consistent finding across the two studies is that narcissistic perfectionism is associated with social negativity in the form of anger, derogation, conflict and hostility,” explains Dr. Sherry.
 
This social negativity goes hand-in-hand with the narcissist’s sense of superiority. So they won’t just take the time to critically humiliate you. In fact, they’ll do all of that whilst maintaining this sense that they are better than you.
 
The narcissist who also believes in perfectionism will react in violent and hostile outbursts. These outbursts will be a complete over-reaction to the mistake in question. For example, imagine that you have made one very small spelling error on a document. The narcissist perfectionist boss would drag you out in front of your co-workers, shout and scream at you and sack you on the spot.
 
Also, don’t forget, any errors will never be the narcissist’s fault. It is inconceivable to them that they might be wrong or the mistake is theirs. This black and white thinking just adds to the problem.
 
“In the world view of a narcissistic perfectionist, the problem exists outside of themselves. It’s the co-worker, it’s the spouse, it’s the roommate.” Dr Sherry
 
20 Signs Someone You Know Is a Narcissistic Perfectionist
 
  1. Many of us work for bosses that demand perfection. But what’s the difference between someone who wants the best work from you, or the narcissist who just happens to be a perfectionist too? And what about family and friends? Do you recognise any of the following signs?
  2. They set impossible demands/targets/goals
  3. These goals are for everyone else, not themselves
  4. They react inappropriately when something does not go their way
  5. You are always walking on eggshells around them
  6. You never know how they are going to react
  7. They are hyper-critical in everything you do
  8. Everything you do is up for criticism
  9. The rules apply to you but not to them
  10. They can bend the rules, but you never can
  11. They get impatient with you
  12. They demand great things from you
  13. You can’t ever be yourself around them
  14. You’re afraid of them
  15. They’re unprofessional at work
  16. They expect too much from you
  17. You’re not allowed to offer ‘excuses’
  18. It’s never their fault
  19. They are always right
  20. They don’t want to hear explanations
  21. If you make a mistake, they get hostile and angry
 
You might recognise some of the above signs. They may apply to a boss, a partner, a friend or a family member. Dealing with the narcissistic perfectionist in your life depends on the circumstances. If it is your boss, there might not be much you can do apart from seeking alternative employment.
 
For personal relationships, however, Dr. Sherry believes that getting the person to understand the impact of their behaviour is the way forward. Typically, the narcissist will not seek treatment. They may do it only in the end stages when their marriage has failed, or they have lost a company for example.
 
Final Thoughts
 
It is extremely difficult to change the mindset of a narcissist, particularly one with perfectionist traits. Sometimes the only thing you can do is leave, for your own sanity.
  1. medicalxpress.com
  2. www.sciencedaily.com
  3. www.researchgate.net
 

 
Janey Davies

 





About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

Archives:

 


 
A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 06:17
A Luz está a revelar a Verdade, e esta libertar-nos-á! -Só é real o AMOR Incondicional. -Quando o Amor superar o amor pelo poder, o mundo conhecerá a Paz; Jimi Hendrix. -Somos almas a ter uma experiência humana!

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