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Domingo, 26 / 04 / 20

10 Signs of a Spoiled Child: Are You Overindulging Your Kid?

10 Signs of a Spoiled Child: 

Are You Overindulging Your Kid?

Michelle Liew, B. A. 

Contributor writer to Learning Mind.

April 25th, 2019.

 
 
 


 

To give or not to give” is a question that mystifies almost all parents. So how much should you give your little one before he or she becomes a spoiled child?
Bratty behaviour is off-putting, but how can you prevent it? You don’t want to shortchange your child either. Balance, as always, is the key, and it’s not easy to achieve. Here are some signs that you’ve over-indulged your little hero or heroine.
How does a child become spoiled?
Experts in child psychology such as Dr. Laura Markham cringe at the terms “spoiled” or “brat“. They connote rejection and ruination. These words are also inappropriate to say since it is parents who are accountable for their behaviour. According to Dr. Markham, adults lead children to understand behavioural and social norms. They will not adhere to limits if they are too lax.
Parents often encourage spoiled behaviour unwittingly despite their positive intentions. They are afraid of saying ‘no’ for fear of hurting feelings. Some are just too tired after a day’s work to enforce rules.

10 signs of a spoiled child: so they sound like your kid?

Hence, many parents fail to notice hints of unwanted or temperamental behaviour. Here are a few signs that you may need to rein in your child.

1. Tantrum throwing

This is the first and most obvious sign of a spoiled child. This behavior is one that parents should address immediately and is as clear as day. Should your seven-year-old child throw a fit just because they don’t get to go where they wish to, pull the reins at once. They should start to learn about boundaries and constraints.

2. Your child cannot cope with simple chores

All children must achieve independence, and of course, some will be more independent than others. When your ten-year-old child throws a fit just because breakfast is not on schedule, you know that you’ll need to pull the reins.
It’s challenging to determine if a child has developed undesirable character nuances. Experts suggest that a three-year-old should be able to put their toys away after using them. A ten-year-old should be able to prepare simple meals.

3. You give in to all your child’s requests

Do you find yourself giving in to your child’s whims and fancies for fear that they will throw tantrums? Many hassled parents give in because they cannot bear the thought of another person yelling at them after a long day of work; their bosses had already done that. On other occasions, they just want to bond with their children because their work schedules are tight.
While the intentions are sound, giving in to children to readily isn’t in their best interests. They will start to form unrealistic expectations and want everyone to cater to their whims. When parents immediately satisfy every wish a child has, they grow up into a tempered and immature adult.

4. Negative reaction from peers

In essence, the child will bring out the attitude they receive in their family. If they never get punished when they do something wrong and always get what they fancy, they don’t learn the basic rule of life – every action has consequences. Thus, such a kid will feel entitled, which will affect the way they treat other children.
Furthermore, spoiled children will get adverse reactions from their peers. They may face ostracism because they don’t know how to socialise well. You’ll often find them taking things from others without giving something in return, and of course, the reception to that is almost always as you’d expect.

5. Your child is afraid to lose

Is your child a sore loser? A spoiled child hates competition, even more so when someone else gets to claim the prize they covet. Children must engage in competitive activities and learn that everyone loses occasionally.
Your child should learn that failure is a part of life and they can’t always win. Moreover, unhealthy competitiveness is not going to lead them anywhere. It will only bring them bitterness and anger.

6. The spoiled child speaks in a presumptuous manner

Spoiled kids speak to adults, particularly the ones that they do not like, as less than equals. They presume that they can get everyone to do their bidding, including those who have had years of life experience under their belts. There is a complete disregard for authority.
This kind of attitude reveals a sense of entitlement, so you need to deal with this behavior as soon as possible if you don’t want to see your child developing into a narcissist.

7. You issue empty threats

Your child is spoiled if you find them ignoring your threats of punishment. Unheeded warnings are ineffective and even detrimental. A power struggle is not the way to form meaningful relationships.
Later on, your child may end up handling conflict and disagreements in an unhealthy way, such as becoming manipulative and passive-aggressive. Don’t let your kid adopt this kind of immature approach to relationships.

8. Inconsistent expectations

Parents of spoiled children don’t set boundaries early enough. Their children do as they please because they know that they will not suffer consequences. If you issue a curfew and skip the punishment, your child will view it as an empty threat and ignore it.
When you don’t punish your child if they did something wrong, they don’t learn that their actions have consequences and they need to take responsibility. This is a one-way road to becoming an immature and irresponsible adult.

9. You protect your child from painful emotions

Do you rush to comfort your child each time they whine or stomp their foot? You may have to act quickly to nip the spoiled behaviour in the bud. Children need to process complicated feelings like fear and anger. It’s up to parents to furnish them with that need.
Children of overprotective parents often grow into mentally weak adults who develop unhealthy coping mechanisms. If you don’t want this for your child, you need to let them experience life in all its depth, both negative and positive sides of it. Otherwise, they will never develop resilience and will be helpless when life throws them a curveball.

10. Your child doesn’t understand that money doesn’t grow on trees

You have spoiled your child if they tend to overspend. They think that it is within their rights to get any toy they fancy. But should you indulge them whenever they whine? Children need to learn the process of saving money early, and that the things that they want at the time do not come for free.

Tips for preventing spoiled behaviour in your child

If you are feeling anxious because you have said yes to your child displaying these signs, take heart. You can take steps to counter the behaviour.

1. Set limits

The first order of business is to set limits. You must let your children understand what you like and dislike them to do. Set moral standards as well, as they will be the foundation for a child’s behaviour later on in life.

2. Use open-ended questions

It’s the adults’ responsibility to teach children to reflect on their actions, and they can do so by challenging children with questions that require them to consider the impact of their behaviour. You could ask, “Why do you think that taking the toy away from your brother isn’t the right thing to do?”
Asking them questions that trigger “yes” or “no” responses will show them that they only need to say what you want to hear.

3. Make sure that children do chores

As mentioned earlier, a spoiled child would expect you to do their chores for them. The key to making sure that they understand that nothing is a given is to make them work for what they want. Assign tasks around the home and make sure that they are age-appropriate – you can’t expect a three-year-old to prepare chicken sandwiches for the whole family.
But he or she can help to pick up books and stack them in designated areas. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry has highlighted chores that are suitable for children of different ages.

4. Discipline

It’s also essential to give your children some discipline, which does not mean using a rod every time they err. It implies structure, and it’s up to parents to find their balance.
Free-range parenting, which involves children doing activities at their discretion, works with active parental monitoring. Some parents may prefer to routinise their children. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention advocates the early setting up of firm boundaries. Whatever your balance is, parental involvement in guiding them with appropriate conduct is necessary.

5. Raise children with an attitude of gratitude

While this seems like a commonsensical suggestion, we often neglect it. Sansone, in this study, recognises the potential links between gratitude and well-being, although they require more research. When children learn to say ‘thank you’ often enough, they’ll start doing so as a reflex action. They will make the expression of gratitude part and parcel of their lives.
Does the above description of a spoiled child sound like your kid? If yes, then you need to do something about it. Kids will throw the occasional tantrum, but an adult determines whether a child remains spoiled. These hints ensure that yours will stay grounded.

 
Michelle Liew.
 

 


About the Author: 

Michelle Liew


Michelle is a freelance writer who loves all things about life. She has a broad range of interests that include literature, history, philosophy, human relationships, and psychology. When she is not busy writing her heart out, you will find her tinkering jazz tunes on her piano. She loves anything that helps her to grow as a person, including her pet terriers, Misty and Cloudy.

COPYRIGHT © 2020 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 21:07
Domingo, 01 / 03 / 20

How to Raise an Introverted Teenager: 10 Tips for Parents

How to Raise an Introverted Teenager: 

10 Tips for Parents

Michelle Liew 

Contributor writer to Learning Mind.

March 1st, 2019.

 
 
 


 

It’s time for hard facts. This world is an extroverted one, and the outgoing get the most out of it. How does a concerned parent raise an introverted teenager and help them to thrive?
Socialising is an integral part of life as a teen. The teen years are the ones when young people find out about themselves. So if your teens don’t make as many friends as they should, why not give them a hand?
 

Why it’s hard to be an introverted teenager

Being an introvert is a challenge at any age since today’s world focuses so much on speaking out and being outgoing. Nature has wired the introvert’’s brain differently from the extrovert. In particular, the “fight or flight” aspect of their nervous systems is active, as research proves. The tendency puts them at a social and sometimes academic disadvantage.
Experts like Dr. Marti-Olsen Laney, author of The Introvert Advantage, share that an introvert will not feel fulfilled until he or she has alone time. She elaborated further than the dopamine levels at wild parties can overwhelm teenagers who are reserved and stressed that their quiet natures aren’t the result of a lack of social skills. That said, their habits entail that they don’t have as full a circle of friends as their peers.
Apart from having fewer friends, there is the problem of being discounted. Teachers tend to underestimate introverted teens, seeing them as being unable to speak up for themselves or provide adequate responses to questions. The truth is that if you discuss a topic that interests introverted children, you might not get a chance to speak yourself. Sadly, educators often overlook this inclination of theirs.

How do we help the inward-looking teen succeed in life?

Reserved teenagers need a little help with finding success in this outward-looking world. Reaching out to them is a challenge, so you could use a few tips if you are a hassled parent.

1. Encourage them to talk about their feelings

Introverts aren’t masters at discussing their emotions and prefer to keep their innermost thoughts to themselves.  Teens, who are at the most socially awkward stage of life, are even more prone than adults to masks their feelings.
Provide them with an outlet for describing their thoughts and fears. Suggest that they keep a journal or draw if they aren’t comfortable with full disclosure.

2. Avoid labelling your child

Despite what you may believe, introversion is not a sign of social-emotional dysfunction. Introverted teens have different needs from their extroverted peers. Labelling them as “loners’ makes them feel awkward and presses them to believe that they are what you say they are. The best thing parents can do for them is to accept them as they are, quietness and all.

3. Teach your child to seek help

No man is an island, and all of us need help once in a while. Quiet teenagers prefer to solve problems themselves because they feel too embarrassed to ask others to give them a hand.
 
Teach your introverted teenager that there is no shame in asking for help. Doing so is a way for them to interact with others. They will soon discover that collaboration is necessary for progress.

4. Practice creative problem-solving

We can deal with dicey social situations if we think through them. Teenagers who tend to be introverted, however, tend to have more problems dealing with them than their peers. Model tough social situations and get them to suggest how to handle them. You’ll find that introverted teenagers are creative types. They will develop self-confidence, knowing that they thought of these solutions themselves.

5. Have conversations

Introverts may not seem to have the skills to form social relationships at first glance. They may have better-developed ones than their peers.
While they do not like to engage in small talk, they prefer to look a person in the eye and offer their honest opinions. They’re not avoidants but prefer more in-depth conversations. Help them to express themselves by having open, candid talks with them.

6. Respect their social preferences

Introverts are quiet and dislike the limelight. You’ll find them interacting with one or two people instead of a large group. Give your introverted teen a chance to observe crowds before conversing with people. Your child may be more inclined to join them once he has a good idea of how they interact.
Furthermore, don’t pressurise your quiet teens to make friends. Note that they prefer to do so on their terms and keep their friendship circles close-knit. Encourage them to make friends with other introverts.

7. Develop a positive self-image

Many reserved teens have poor self-images because people use negative words like “loner” or “weirdo” to describe them. Accept them as they are and avoid using negative labels such as these.
 
Make an effort to correct others who label them. For instance, if someone says that they are ‘standoffish’, use the word ‘contemplative’ instead.

8. Teach your introverted teen to speak up

Remind your quiet teens that their opinions matter. If their quietness makes them the targets of bullying, teach them to speak to trusted adults. Listen when your children talk and encourage them to verbalise their thoughts. Above all, teach them to assert themselves.

9. Nurture their interests

Your teen may prefer classical music and refuse to listen to rock bands. Find classes that will nurture these interests. Remember that different doesn’t mean strange. Consider enrolling them in computer camps if they have an interest in information technology.

10. Provide new experiences

An introverted teen usually resists new things. Tell them that everyone feels this way. That said, they should be adventurous and develop new ideas. If they still dislike the experience, respect the fact that they at least tried.
Your introverted teenager may not love the things extroverts do but can develop as fully as they can. As a parent, all it takes is to show them the way.
 
 
Michelle Liew.
 

 


About the Author: 

Michelle Liew


Michelle is a freelance writer who loves all things about life. She has a broad range of interests that include literature, history, philosophy, human relationships, and psychology. When she is not busy writing her heart out, you will find her tinkering jazz tunes on her piano. She loves anything that helps her to grow as a person, including her pet terriers, Misty and Cloudy.

COPYRIGHT © 2020 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 23:16
Terça-feira, 07 / 01 / 20

I Had an Emotionally Unavailable Mother and Here’s What It Felt Like

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

January 7th, 2020.

 
EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MOTHER.
 

 
 
Want to know what it feels like to be raised by an emotionally unavailable mother? Let me tell you my story.
 
Whenever someone asks me about my mother, I say ‘She died when I was young’. When they reply that they are so sorry, I always say ‘It doesn’t matter, she was an evil cow and I didn’t love her anyway. Most people are shocked.
 
Are you? If you are – why? You didn’t know her. You didn’t know what she was like. What it was like growing up with her. And before you say ‘Well yes that’s all very well, but she was your mother’, so what? Tell me what law or unwritten rule stipulates that I have to love my mother? There is none.
 
You might think it is disrespectful to talk the way I do. But those among you who have experienced an emotionally unavailable mother will understand my point of view. And believe me when I tell you that I tried my very hardest to love her.
 
What Is an Emotionally Unavailable Mother?
 
‘Emotionally unavailable mother’ to me is just a fancy psychological way of saying cold-hearted and unfeeling. But what is the difference between a mother who struggles sometimes to show her love and one that is emotionally unavailable? I can only tell you my story and it may appear cold and matter-of-fact.
 
But what if your mother never cuddled you or told you she loved you? Or actually even spoke to you that much? What if your mother used you as a means to earn money and her own personal housekeeper? How would you feel if she was abusive to your siblings and cold towards you? Perhaps then you might understand a little of how I feel.
 
So let me tell you a few stories about dear old mum. Maybe you’ll get where I’m coming from. Or perhaps you’ll think I’m being a total snowflake and I should just get over myself and stop blaming her for everything.
 
What It Feels Like to Have an Emotionally Unavailable Mother
 
No loving touch
 
I remember being very little, probably around 4 or 5 and craving my mother’s touch. She never touched me ever. Not a hug, a cuddle, nothing.
 
But she did do one thing and that was to come into my and my sisters’ bedrooms after a night out drinking and check we were all in bed. If our bedsheets were tangled, she would straighten them out.
 
This was an opportunity for me to receive a touch from my mother as sometimes if my arm was hanging out of the bed, she would put it back under the sheets. Imagine being this starved of a mother’s touch that you engineer a scenario where she might come into contact with you? And at that young age?
 
No response
 
Again, when I was young, I could write so I guess I was around the age of 5-6, I would leave little notes to my mother. The notes would say things like ‘I love you so much mum’ and ‘You are the best mum in the world’.
 
I would leave these love notes to my mother on her pillow on her bed so she would see them before she went to sleep. She never mentioned them. I would excitably go to bed and look under my pillow to see what she had left for me. After a few weeks, I stopped writing them.
 
Ignored wishes
 
I passed my 12+ which meant I could go to a local grammar school. There were two choices; an all-girls one which had a very posh reputation (not me at all, we lived on a council estate) or a local mixed grammar where all my friends were going.
 
Mother decided I was to attend the all-girls school. Despite my protests, she told me ‘It would look better on my CV later’ when I applied for jobs. Ironically, I wasn’t allowed to carry on and study for A-Levels. I had to work at the factory job she had found for me when I was 16 to help pay the household bills.
 
Can’t confide with your mother
 
I had a very bad time at grammar school. I didn’t know anyone. There were cliques of girls who had known one another from middle school and were quite happy to stay in their own little groups.
 
It got so bad that I ran away twice and went home. Each time my mother took me back to the school, no questions asked. The school did try to help but as far as mother was concerned I was to ‘get on with it’. I contemplated ending it all but got through it.
 
Some years later, mother and I were arguing and she had said she’d always done her best for me. I shouted back that because she’d sent me to that school I’d tried to top myself. I ran upstairs to my bedroom. She followed and for the first time in my life, she put her arm around me. It felt so odd and strange I felt physically sick and had to move away.
 
The Impact of Having a Mother Who Was Emotionally Unavailable
 
So that’s a little of my pity party story. There’s much more but a lot involves other people and that is their story to tell. So how am I affected and what do I do about it?
 
Well, I never wanted children. I don’t have a maternal bone in me. I am shown pictures of babies and I don’t get it. I don’t feel this flush of warmth or emotion. But show me a puppy or an animal in pain or distress and I am weeping like a baby. I think I feel emotionally attached to animals more because they have no voice. They can’t tell you what is wrong. I felt the same way during childhood.
 
I have a cold heart. I always say I have a heart of stone. Nothing touches it. I’ve formed this hard barrier around it so nothing will crack it. This is a survival technique I learned as a child. Don’t let anyone in and you won’t be hurt.
 
A late boyfriend of mine used to say to me ‘You are a hard nut to crack’ and I never knew what he meant but now I do. He also said that I was either clingy of hostile. This is also true. You are either everything to me or you are nothing.
 
As a child, I had an avoidant attachment style. I had spent a long time trying to get my mother’s attention. Having failed I shut down and become ambivalent about her. As an adult, this has transformed into a dismissive-avoidant style where I keep myself to myself. I avoid contact with others and keep emotions at arm’s length.
 
Despite the former tirade, I don’t blame my mother for anything.
 
In fact, I am thankful she had me. It was the 60s, she was out of wedlock and she could easily have not have done so.
 
I remind myself that I am not my mother. I understand the weaknesses of my upbringing and that allows me to cope with life as an adult.
 
Then, I have a tendency to shut myself away from people and have to try hard to socialise. The saying ‘better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’ doesn’t apply to me. If there is a chance of losing love I won’t love in the first place.
 
I know why I have to be the centre of attention when I am in company. It is because I craved it as a child and never got it. Likewise, I like to shock people and see their reaction. This goes directly back to my mother. I would intentionally shock her when I was a teen. Just to try and get something out of her.
 
Final Thoughts
 
I think that we need to remember that emotional neglect from an unavailable mother can be as damaging as abuse and physical neglect. However, understanding how any kind of neglect has affected you is key to moving forward.

 

 
Janey Davies

 





About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

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publicado por achama às 17:23
Domingo, 05 / 05 / 19

7 Things a Covert Narcissist Mother Does to Her Children ~ Sherrie.

7 Things a Covert Narcissist Mother Does to Her Children.

By Sherrie.

May 3rd, 2019


 

While most narcissists are men, women can be just as malignant. In fact, the covert narcissist mothers are becoming more common.

Narcissistic females are thought to be rarer than their male counterparts. In fact, 75% of narcissists are male. Recently, however, studies have shown more and more covert narcissists are women. The covert narcissist mother, being one of the most malignant of the group, can cause some of the worst damage as well.

How children are really affected

You would be surprised just how much damage is done to children with covert and dangerous mothers. Yes, I said dangerous because later in life, this upbringing can cause mental health problems and even suicide.
So, what does this type of mother do to her children that’s so heinous? Maybe you will understand the serious nature by delving into the effects of the narcissist.

1. She devalues her children

One thing the covert narcissist type of mother does to her child is devaluation or triangulation. This means she uses one child as a scapegoat and the other as the perfect child.
This creates competition within the mind of the flawed child. This sibling tries desperately to please their mother which is almost impossible. In the meantime, their mother is doting on the golden child and offering praises day after day.
This sort of covert and venomous narcissist mother can leave her imprint way into her child’s adulthood. The effects surface by not being good enough and always comparing themselves to other people.

2. She has two faces

One way the covert style of the narcissistic mother affects the children is by the utilization of two faces. What I mean by two faces is that the mother is loving to her children when presenting them to the outside world, but behind closed doors, she is quite the opposite.
She shows off her children, then punishes them for small things later on. Sometimes she passes her duties as a mother to other people when no one from outside the home is around to see her true actions.

3. Invalidation and gaslighting

One of the most horrible things a mother can do is invalidate the feelings of her childrenand make them feel like they are the crazy ones. This type of mother does negative things and blames the actions of her children as the cause of her negative actions.
She doesn’t validate the feelings of her children as real concerns. This is because the covert narcissistic moods of the mother show no empathy. If something occurs that’s obviously the fault of this mother, she resorts to gaslighting to defend the truths of actions.

4. Her children are parts of her personality

A narcissist’s children are not individuals in her eyes. They are simply a part of her being, created by her, and under her control. She dresses her children in certain ways to represent herself, otherwise, she will have a reputation she does not want.
In public, she brags about her children, but in private she pushes them to be better – she tells them to lose weight or to dress better.. Her children are possessions, or better yet, extensions of herself which must represent her and not an individual person.

5. She competes and crosses boundaries

The covert version of the narcissistic mother will cross strange boundaries with her children. These are boundaries that are extremely disturbing sometimes.
If she has a female child that is developing and maturing physical, the mother will compete with her daughter’s youthful looks. She may try to dress more provocatively than her daughter and even try to steal her boyfriends or seduce them.
She crosses these boundaries because she is aware of her aging and no child of hers will be better than her in any way.

6. Outside possessions are more important than her children

covert narcissist will always find greater pleasure in providing for herself over the need of her children. For instance, she rather purchase new clothing for herself than for her children, even if they need new school clothing.
She is a selfish person and doesn’t care how her children see her. She will buy them the bare minimum and then again, show her children off to the world in their few new outfits. If you pay attention, you will notice the covert mother has more new clothing than her children.

7. She invades their privacy

covert and intrusive narcissistic mother will always break boundaries when it comes to her child’s privacy. Yes, you should, as a mother, be able to check up on some of your children’s actions, but not constantly. Sometimes it is best to let them have some privacy and figure out things for themselves.
An unhealthy relationship with your child will turn into unhealthy relationships when they grow older, destroying future relationships and causing others to resent them for their intrusive behavior.

Let’s be honest: Are you a covert narcissistic mother?

Look within and ask yourself, do you fit any of these indicators of being a parent like this? If you relate to any of these things, please try to change as much as possible for the sake of your child’s future. The treatment they receive now will be the foundation of their adult lives.
If you know someone who is a covert narcissistic type of mother, please provide help for their children if you can. Remember, you cannot break boundaries either or the mother will only punish the children for that as well. If anything, get anonymous support or help.
I hope these indicators and words of hope have helped you as well.
References:
  1. https://thoughtcatalog.com
  2. https://blogs.psychcentral.com
 
 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
About the Author: Sherrie

Sherrie is a freelance writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse. She is a mother of three and a lifetime fan of the thought-provoking and questionable aspects of the universe.

COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 

 



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All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 

No religious or political belief is defended here. (Investigate yourself)

 

Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 

If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


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publicado por achama às 06:38
Quinta-feira, 25 / 04 / 19

9 Signs of a Narcissistic Father: Were You Raised by a Narcissist? ~ Margaret B.

7 Wise Audrey Hepburn Quotes That Will Inspire and Motivate You.

By Margaret B.

April 24th, 2019. 



 

Many people have had a narcissistic father. Narcissism is everywhere, unfortunately.

It has been present in the past, and it will be present in the future. It can ruin people’s lives, not least because it can be difficult to see. Narcissistic parents can ruin the entire course of their children’s lives. This article provides some ways in which you can see if you had a narcissistic father.

Do any of the below things sound like your father?

 

1.  He Uses/Lives Through His Child

Parents want their children to succeed, so the saying goes. A narcissistic father will likely want his children to succeed, but not for themselves. No, he will want them to succeed because it will reflect well on himself.
Parents are supposed to raise children so that their thoughts and hopes are protected. Parents are supposed to ensure that their children can live for themselves. A narcissistic father will merely ensure that children live and grow to fulfil his wishes, rather than the child’s own.

2.  Marginalization

Narcissism is a trait which invalidates individuality. People are individuals, but narcissists don’t see that. What they see is an extension of themselves, to do with as they please.
As children grow older, they begin to show their own personalities, likes, and dislikes. This can challenge a narcissistic father, who is used to seeing his children as little miniatures. If this happens, many fathers turn to marginalization of their children in order to tear down their success.
These put-downs come in many forms, but they have one purpose. The purpose is to lower or destroy confidence and self-esteem so that the narcissistic father never needs to feel threatened by their children.

3.  Grandiosity and Superiority

Most, if not all, narcissistic fathers have a greatly inflated sense of themselves. No matter what they do, they feel as if they are the best, and should be at the top of the pile. People around a narcissist are therefore not their own people, but merely another way to assert superiority.
When it comes to a narcissistic father, this can manifest in two ways: either the child is used as a prop, or the child is taught to act in the same way. Thus the parent can use their child to assert their own viewpoint in the matter.

4.  Superficial Image

Being superficial is not entirely the same as being superior. Many a narcissistic father has used those around them, including children, to show how special they are. Being superficial means showing off what is ultimately entirely inconsequential.
This can be a good memory (which occurs entirely by chance), or material possessions (which are ultimately meaningless). Many parents might use their child’s social life as a personal booster. It opens up whole new avenues for a narcissistic father to show off what they have, and what they think they are.

5.  Manipulation

Manipulation can take many forms. When a narcissistic father uses it, the most commons forms are:
  • Emotional coercion
  • Unreasonable pressure
  • Reward and punishment – i.e. do what I want or be punished
  • Negative comparisons
  • Shaming
  • Blaming
  • Guilt trips
A particularly common theme for family narcissism is when love becomes conditional. Instead of being something children receive as a matter of course, love is given in return for children acting in a certain way.
Another way to see this is that a narcissistic father will look at love as something to be used as a tool. If his children do what he wants, he will reward them with love. If they don’t do what he wants, he will punish them by withholding his love.

6.  Inflexible and Touchy

Many narcissistic fathers are inflexible when it comes to how they want their children to act and behave. Every parent has to parent their child is they are to grow up properly, of course. But a narcissistic father will go far further than that: they will correct anything which they perceive as wrong.
What is particularly unfortunate is that this inflexibility can manifest in many different ways, making it difficult to combat. One reason for people being inflexible is that it is a way to control children. This tends to work more as the child gets older, and begins to spread their wings.

7.  Lack of Empathy

Because narcissistic fathers don’t see their children as separate from themselves, lack of empathy is a problem. Children have their own thoughts and feelings, and it is important to validate them. When narcissism is involved, however, only the narcissist matters. Nobody else.
Many children, when faced with a lack of empathy, will begin to fight back. They will do this in three distinct ways:
  • Fight back and stand up for themselves and their right to respect for thoughts, feelings, wishes, etc.
  • Distance themselves from the parent in question to get some emotional distance.
  • Creating a new personality which takes on the desired personality traits; these children show narcissistic tendencies themselves.

8.  Dependency/Co-dependency

A narcissistic father may expect that their offspring will be there to take care of them in their old age. This is what is called dependency, and can take a variety of forms. The most common forms are financial, physical, or emotional, with physical often being the most common.
Taking care of aging parents is admirable, but it can be twisted into something unhealthy. Many narcissists can manipulate their children into making unreasonable sacrifices for them, whether personally or financially.
Co-dependency works in something of the same way. The definition of co-dependency is where two people enable each other in bad or actively hurtful actions, such as drug-taking, drinking, or anything else of that nature.

9.  Jealousy & Possessiveness

key part of narcissism is always having control over your target. A narcissistic father will show jealousy of anything and anyone which shows that their child or children are moving on with their lives.
Romantic partners, in particular, will come in for a lot of trouble. Romantic partners are the people who will have the most influence over a person – this will rival the control of a narcissistic parent.
References:
  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com
  2. https://www.tandfonline.com

 

 
About the Author: Margaret B.
 
Margaret is a freelance writer and tutor. She spends her time reading and writing, hoping to learn why people act the way they do. She is a lifelong fan of both philosophy and fantasy.
 
COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

Archives:



Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.

 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 

No religious or political belief is defended here. (Investigate yourself)

 

Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 

If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


More @ http://violetflame.biz.ly and 
https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/




 

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publicado por achama às 08:17
Quinta-feira, 14 / 02 / 19

3 Signs of Unhealthy Parental Pressure and How to Deal With It. ~ Francesca F.

3 Signs of Unhealthy Parental Pressure and How to Deal With It.

By Francesca F.

February 11th, 2019

 
unhealthy parental pressure.
 
 
 

Everyone feels parental pressure from time to time, but there comes a point when it becomes toxic and detrimental.

Parents are the ones who love and care for us most, and a little parental pressure is natural. They want us to succeed and become the best version of ourselves.


Yet, there are times when parents can be more hurtful than supportive. Some parental pressure is important to help us succeed and instill a strong work ethic as we grow. This makes it quite difficult to quite understand when parental pressure goes from encouraging to damaging.


We assume all that our parents do for us is positive because they are our parents and they love us. This article explores when parental pressure becomes too unhealthy and how we can deal with it effectively. 

1. Lack of self-motivation


The irony of pushing children to succeed is that it creates a paradox where children associate hard work with parental pressure. They then don’t develop a work ethic of their own because they are not working for a goal of their own, they are working to please their parents. 

This is detrimental to children as they age when parents are not there to push them. They lack sustainable motivation through further education and into their careers, reducing the chances of future successes.

Children under excessive parental pressure also become much more complaisant to their parents’ wishes. This replaces autonomous thinking and judgment, affecting their problem-solving capabilities and need for self-reliance. 

Overall, too much parental pressure can remove the child’s ability to look inward to find strength and motivation. This will end up holding them back in their future endeavors. 

2. Failure feels like the end of the world


Children who face unrelenting parental pressure begin to associate their identity strongly with their grades or the sport they play. If this becomes too entrenched in their personality, failing in academics or sport can cause their personality to fail also. 

This leaves children who face too much pressure from parents twice as likely to suffer from mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. 

3. Too good to be true


The worst effect of too much parental pressure is those who appear to be completely happy and successful. These children are actually hiding behind a false front and a fake sense of self. Teens who are forced to succeed throughout school will fail to develop a real sense of who they are as a person.


This will lead to an identity crisis in the future when they have less parental pressure to maintain the façade. 

Without real acceptance of who children are as an individual, they will be hard pushed to accept themselves. As a result, this can lead to a variety of mental health issues and recklessness as young adults. 
How to deal with too much parental pressure

As a child


If you are currently dealing with too much parental pressure at home and want to take the problem head on, it’s time to talk to your parents. Try to remain calm and ask your parents to respect your views at the beginning of the conversation. Parents are much more likely to take on the opinions of their child when the conversation is approached maturely. 

Be clear on your points and know the clear points you want to make, but don’t forget parents need a little reassurance, too. If you need them to back off a little with regard to academics, reassure them you will not allow your grades to slip. If you have an alternative idea for a university course or wish to defer a year, research all of your options and present them with evidence of your alternatives. 

Showing that you are mature enough to understand your own decisions and accept their consequences will garner respect. Thus, you will find your parents will be much more accepting of your views.


Be willing to compromise a little. Allow them to monitor grades or take part in research with you. Ultimately, parents just want to be involved in ensuring the best path for their children. Allowing them to have input will help them feel as though they are helping you along your path

As an adult


If you suffered from too much parental pressure as a child and are suffering the effects as an adult, it’s important to understand where it is that you suffer. If your self-esteem has taken a hit, or you’re not entirely sure who you are as an individual, take some time to find things you enjoy. Create successes in finding new things and finding what you’re good at. 

Where your work ethic may be lacking, it is still possible to strengthen it. Practice working alongside rewards to build motivation and concentration. 

Child-parent relationships can be incredibly complicated. It is a careful balance between support and encouragement, both of which can easily slip into babying and pressure. 

Asserting yourself to a parent can seem scary, but it is all part of growing up. Parents are doing their best to raise their children. Sometimes they need a little input from their child to help them parent correctly.
 
References:
  1. https://nationalpost.com/
  2. https://psychcentral.com/

 

 

 

 
 

About the Author: Francesca F.

Francesca is a freelance writer currently studying a degree in Law and Philosophy. She has written for several blogs in a range of subjects across Lifestyle, Relationships and Health and Fitness. Her main pursuits are learning new innovative ways of keeping fit and healthy, as well as broadening her knowledge in as many areas as possible in order to achieve success.
 
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

Archives:

 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.

 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 

No religious or political belief is defended here. (Investigate yourself)

 

Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 

If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


More @ http://violetflame.biz.ly and 
https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/



 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 

 
 
 

Free counters!
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publicado por achama às 09:41
Segunda-feira, 11 / 02 / 19

3 Signs of Unhealthy Parental Pressure and How to Deal With It. ~ Francesca F.

3 Signs of Unhealthy Parental Pressure and How to Deal With It.

By Francesca F.

February 11th, 2019

 
unhealthy parental pressure.
 
 
 

Everyone feels parental pressure from time to time, but there comes a point when it becomes toxic and detrimental.

Parents are the ones who love and care for us most, and a little parental pressure is natural. They want us to succeed and become the best version of ourselves.


Yet, there are times when parents can be more hurtful than supportive. Some parental pressure is important to help us succeed and instill a strong work ethic as we grow. This makes it quite difficult to quite understand when parental pressure goes from encouraging to damaging.


We assume all that our parents do for us is positive because they are our parents and they love us. This article explores when parental pressure becomes too unhealthy and how we can deal with it effectively. 

1. Lack of self-motivation


The irony of pushing children to succeed is that it creates a paradox where children associate hard work with parental pressure. They then don’t develop a work ethic of their own because they are not working for a goal of their own, they are working to please their parents.

This is detrimental to children as they age when parents are not there to push them. They lack sustainable motivation through further education and into their careers, reducing the chances of future successes.

Children under excessive parental pressure also become much more complaisant to their parents’ wishes. This replaces autonomous thinking and judgment, affecting their problem-solving capabilities and need for self-reliance.

Overall, too much parental pressure can remove the child’s ability to look inward to find strength and motivation. This will end up holding them back in their future endeavors. 

2. Failure feels like the end of the world


Children who face unrelenting parental pressure begin to associate their identity strongly with their grades or the sport they play. If this becomes too entrenched in their personality, failing in academics or sport can cause their personality to fail also.

This leaves children who face too much pressure from parents twice as likely to suffer from mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. 

3. Too good to be true


The worst effect of too much parental pressure is those who appear to be completely happy and successful. These children are actually hiding behind a false front and a fake sense of self. Teens who are forced to succeed throughout school will fail to develop a real sense of who they are as a person.


This will lead to an identity crisis in the future when they have less parental pressure to maintain the façade.

Without real acceptance of who children are as an individual, they will be hard pushed to accept themselves. As a result, this can lead to a variety of mental health issues and recklessness as young adults.
How to deal with too much parental pressure

As a child


If you are currently dealing with too much parental pressure at home and want to take the problem head on, it’s time to talk to your parents. Try to remain calm and ask your parents to respect your views at the beginning of the conversation. Parents are much more likely to take on the opinions of their child when the conversation is approached maturely.

Be clear on your points and know the clear points you want to make, but don’t forget parents need a little reassurance, too. If you need them to back off a little with regard to academics, reassure them you will not allow your grades to slip. If you have an alternative idea for a university course or wish to defer a year, research all of your options and present them with evidence of your alternatives.

Showing that you are mature enough to understand your own decisions and accept their consequences will garner respect. Thus, you will find your parents will be much more accepting of your views.


Be willing to compromise a little. Allow them to monitor grades or take part in research with you. Ultimately, parents just want to be involved in ensuring the best path for their children. Allowing them to have input will help them feel as though they are helping you along your path

As an adult


If you suffered from too much parental pressure as a child and are suffering the effects as an adult, it’s important to understand where it is that you suffer. If your self-esteem has taken a hit, or you’re not entirely sure who you are as an individual, take some time to find things you enjoy. Create successes in finding new things and finding what you’re good at.

Where your work ethic may be lacking, it is still possible to strengthen it. Practice working alongside rewards to build motivation and concentration.

Child-parent relationships can be incredibly complicated. It is a careful balance between support and encouragement, both of which can easily slip into babying and pressure.

Asserting yourself to a parent can seem scary, but it is all part of growing up. Parents are doing their best to raise their children. Sometimes they need a little input from their child to help them parent correctly.
 
References:
  1. https://nationalpost.com/
  2. https://psychcentral.com/

 

 

 

 
 

About the Author: Francesca F.

Francesca is a freelance writer currently studying a degree in Law and Philosophy. She has written for several blogs in a range of subjects across Lifestyle, Relationships and Health and Fitness. Her main pursuits are learning new innovative ways of keeping fit and healthy, as well as broadening her knowledge in as many areas as possible in order to achieve success.
 
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

Archives:

 



Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.

 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 

No religious or political belief is defended here. (Investigate yourself)

 

Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 

If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


More @ http://violetflame.biz.ly and 
https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/




 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 

Free counters!
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publicado por achama às 09:31
A Luz está a revelar a Verdade, e esta libertar-nos-á! -Só é real o AMOR Incondicional. -Quando o Amor superar o amor pelo poder, o mundo conhecerá a Paz; Jimi Hendrix. -Somos almas a ter uma experiência humana!

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