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Segunda-feira, 11 / 05 / 20

9 Signs of a Sense of Entitlement You May Not Know You Have

 

9 Signs of a Sense of Entitlement You May Not Know You Have

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted May 3rd, 2020.

 
 
 
Could it be that you are not as humble and satisfied as you think? The truth is you could be harboring a sense of entitlement.
I’d like to think that I’m a balanced human being, despite the fact that I struggle with many forms of mental illness. Do I have a sense of entitlement? Honestly, I’m sure I display it from time to time. It could be that I don’t even recognize many of these symptoms. This entitlement is closely related to the unhealthy aspects of narcissism. It more or less rates on the egotistical side of the narcissistic spectrum.
Yes, feeling entitled is hard to recognize because of this correlation, and can mask its true identity underneath feelings of humility. There is also no age preference for this feeling either. You can feel entitled as a young adult, and you can feel just as entitled at the ripe old age of 75. In case you don’t understand what feeling entitled means, here’s one definition:
In psychology, a sense of entitlement is a personality trait that makes someone feel as though they deserve more than what society gives them. These are sometimes unrealistic and unmerited demands for better living conditions or treatment.

9 Signs That You Have a Sense of Entitlement

In case you’re wondering if this is you, if you have a sense of entitlement, then there are signs that throw up red flags. A red flag is a warning of something, and it’s usually pretty spot on. So here are a few indicators that you may have fit into this entitled group.

1. Superiority

While at face value, you might not think you feel superior, there could be a bit of “better than the rest” mentality dwelling between your ears. I’ve noticed this in myself at times, and it’s usually after someone has pointed it out and I’ve gotten angry. My anger revealed my guilt, you see. Feeling superior to others is easier than you think, and so you must always be aware of this trait. This is one facet of entitlement.

2. Unrealistic expectations

You may often feel like someone owes you things, or you feel cheated. This is considered unrealistic expectations from others. This is a sign that you believe you deserve more than you do. Most of the time, this feeling comes from past mistreatments in relationships or by neglect from your parents. It could even come from being let down by your best friend or fired from a job where you were previously praised.
Your sense of right and wrong can quickly get crossed and damage your trust…thus, creating this unrealistic demand mentality. This sign is noticed when you start feeling like nothing will ever go the way it should.

3. Self-pity

Yes, people are unfair, and they can hurt you for no real reason at all. Self-pity can start from here, right where an unwarranted wound happened. The right thing to do in these situations is to take the hurt and learn from it, growing into a stronger person. But if the wound is not tended to, self-pity will grow, then it will mature into a ridiculous sense of worth.
I’ve done this myself before. Once, I was hurt so badly that I expected everyone else to recognize the hurt and feel sorry for me. It didn’t work out the way I thought it would, and eventually, someone told me to grow up. It was harsh, but they were right to let me know.

4. Bullying

Those who feel entitled are prone to bullying others. It starts with low self-esteem, which then causes you to lash out at others to bring down their self-worth. The objective is to vault yourself above others by using them as your stepping-stones.
But you must keep in mind, those you step on will experience the same low feelings, and if they aren’t strong enough, they will also bullying others. You’re not just responsible then for bullying people, but you can potentially start a negative pattern that could ruin many lives due to self-entitlement. So, if you sense you are being a bully, you are guilty of a worse mentality than just being mean.

5. Double standards

Another sign that you may have a sense of entitlement is that you use double standards in life. For instance, it might not be okay for your adult son to get drunk, but you think it’s okay to do the same thing when he’s not around. It might be okay for you to leave your clothes lying around, and yet you yell at your husband for leaving his things out all the time.
Do you see the pattern? Living like this is pretty obvious to others, so keep in mind that they know you are unfair, and basically, a hypocrite. Maybe you should check for entitled standards you’ve made for yourself.

6. No compromise

Did you know that effective communication means compromise? Especially, if you are in an argument. If you feel like someone owes you something in life, you will hate compromise. I’m not sure, but I have set standards and morals, and sometimes, I hold them so tight that I refuse to compromise with others.
Now, I’m not saying that your standards or morals aren’t important because they are. What I am saying is that somewhere, somehow, you will have to compromise with people you care about. Otherwise, they might not stick around for long. So, if you aren’t even willing to compromise at all, then you have a problem, and no, it’s not the other guy. It’s you!

7. Attention, Praise, and admiration

If you feel you are above the rest, you will crave the spotlight. There is never enough attention for you. You always fish for compliments and post everything you purchase on social media, which makes you struggle all the time just to hold onto the same level of admiration from the day before.
In your eyes, others owe you all the love and comfort now because you’ve done your share of good deeds.  For every negative thing that you endured from the past, there’s certain retribution and, what’s worse is all the attention in the world is never enough.

8. Using punishments

Another sign that you could have a “surprise” sense of entitlement is that you use punishments. I don’t mean you punish your children for disobedience, as some do. I mean you punish other adults for not giving you exactly what you want.
Here’s an example: Say your best friend doesn’t come to visit as much as you think she should and you get angry. Well, you decide she deserves to be punished, and so you stop answering her calls or texts. When your best friend does come to see you, an attitude greets her at the door.
While this might seem like nothing to some people, it’s actually a negative reaction driven by the need for entitlement. You feel entitled to her attention and love. While in truth, you are both equal and deserve the same amount of respect. Non-toxic actions are when you give your friend the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she doesn’t come because she could be too busy to come to visit.

9. Everyone is a threat or competition

Remember, a sense of entitlement means no one is your equal, right? Well, this means that everyone is either a threat to your wellbeing, or they are a competition that you must constantly keep an eye on. Even your closest friends aren’t allowed to go through this veil of doubt and mistrust. You keep them close, but far enough so they have little access to how you really feel about them.
Entitlement means jealousy, hatred, and gossip. All these things come with insecurities and the dislike of others.

Are You Secretly Struggling with a Sense of Entitlement?

Sometimes the things you do that seem normal could, in fact, be a bit toxic. I had to learn this the hard way after hurting people or being told that I was acting entitled. But this is no witch hunt, no.
Every person on the face of the earth is imperfect. We all have skeletons in our closets, crosses to bear, and quirks that we cannot even see. When we cannot see these things, we perceive our lives as fair and good. The objective is, however, that we learn more and more every day about how to be better people. We analyze ourselves, check on how we treat others, and just strive to be good at every opportunity.
If we want a better world, guess what? It starts first with our own changes. We have to see our sense of entitlement for what it is and change a little at a time. Why should we change slowly? Well, because it’s not fair to be too hard on ourselves, any more than it’s okay to be hard on others. I want you to remember that. So, take your time and be honest with yourself. This is the only way to make those permanent improvements.
I believe in you, and that’s because I’m imperfect too…and I do believe I can do better as well.
References:
  1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
  2. https://www.betterhelp.com

 Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.


 

 Discernment is recommended.
 

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publicado por achama às 21:56
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Quarta-feira, 29 / 04 / 20

What Triggers Narcissistic Injury and How to Recognize It?

 

What Triggers Narcissistic Injury and How to Recognize It?

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted April 28th, 2020.

 
 
 
Narcissistic injury happens when the narcissist has been confronted, challenged, or denied something. In a situation like this, they feel like their whole façade comes apart. The narcissistic wound is real, and yet, it comes from a place of make-believe hurts. How can we tolerate this sort of behavior?
To understand narcissistic injury, you have to know a little bit about the narcissist themselves. A person who has been “diagnosed” per se, as a narcissistic individual will have layers of characteristics.
First of all, most narcissists were first traumatized or abused children. This mistreatment, in time, caused them to build high walls to keep others out. It made their self-esteem plummet as well. As a result of all this, the narcissist built a façade of who they really are, and when confronted or challenged, they acquire the narcissistic wound.

What triggers the narcissistic injury?

There are a few ways that this injury can be triggered by others. Just as I said above, being challenged or confronted would do the trick. But let’s look at a few of these things in order to get the big picture.

  • Breaking the mask

The narcissist has a false idea of who they are. Some of them actually believe in this false identity, while others use the identity to trick others. Injuries occur when someone rips the mask off revealing the true identity of the narcissist. This triggers anger, resentment, and manipulation.
You see, when you lived the majority of your life with a low-self-esteem, creating a different, more positive identity is ideal. When that identity is destroyed, you’re right back where you began. It’s actually painful for the narcissist.

  • Pointing out mistakes

There is no narcissist in this world that likes their failures being noticed. Injuries are triggered quickly when the narcissist fails at something or is wrong about something, and a friend notices. Maybe if they fail at something while alone, it’s not so bad, but for someone to see what happened, this can be devastating.

  • Revealing the lack of confidence

Narcissists cannot handle someone else revealing their lack of confidence. The truth is, the root of narcissistic behavior lies in low self-confidence, as it comes from past trauma or abusive childhood. The narcissist walks and talks with an air of confidence, and yet, it is all false. When it’s revealed for what it is, a narcissistic injury happens.

How do we recognize the narcissistic injury?

Touching once more on the adult/child relationship as to abuse, we can learn how to recognize the narcissistic injuries that surface. If a parent was narcissistic, then it’s likely that some of those traits will try to stick to the child, especially mental injuries. So, how can we tell if this is happening?

1. They reject others

If the narcissist’s friends and family know what they’ve been through, people usually want to help. But this help will also come with revealing their mistakes and helping them work through the problems. They don’t want others to see the imperfections, and so friends and family cannot help. Loved ones may even get a bit harsh with the narcissist, and say that they are challenging them to do better. This will make them push friends and family even further away.
You see, narcissists feel as though they should be loved and accepted at all times. This can get especially negative on social media. If someone with a narcissistic wound is challenged online, they will go to extremes in arguments and comments, so much that they may even delete or block people from their personal spaces – these can even be their loved ones.

2. They have impossible expectations

Even if everyone is talking about how talented they are, it’s never enough. Narcissists have to always be in the spotlight, always getting attention, and when it comes to the online world, always posting things about themselves or what they’ve accomplished. One nice compliment is never enough for them. This is because secretly, narcissists always feel like a failure.

3. Sometimes they’re overachievers

On the flip side, sometimes the narcissist just wants to help too much. In order to fill that void inside, and yes, there’s a deep dark void inside every narcissist, they must constantly be doing things for people, or giving out endless compliments – they are usually empty compliments which this toxic person doesn’t really mean.
I know this sounds cruel, but it’s true. The narcissistic injury shows through the many layers of the good Samaritan sometimes. If they can hold up that camera while helping, they can be an overachiever and live those impossible expectations all at once. Giving and getting at an abnormal and toxic level.

4. You don’t want to say no

Inside, the narcissist always wants to say no, but on the outside, they never want to say no. Does that make sense? Well, it’s how the narcissist works. A narcissist focuses on themselves first, even though they help tremendously, never want to speak the word “no” and always seem so humble. All of this is false.
They don’t want to speak “no” because they are afraid of the consequences. That is all. No narcissist wants to be injured by rejection because they didn’t go along with someone else’s wishes. So, they try to bridge that gap somehow. It’s usually a messy routine.

Narcissistic injuries are real

If you live with a narcissist, you will eventually experience those strange injuries. When you do, take some time before you get into an argument with them. Think about why the narcissist may feel injured and work around this issue accordingly.
Although most narcissists never change, some do. So, if you have the chance to show them the truth of their injuries in a peaceful manner, you could be able to help them heal. If not, it could be time to make some changes.
I wish you the best.
References:

  1. https://www.betterhelp.com
  2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.


 

 Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

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publicado por achama às 05:19
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Segunda-feira, 20 / 04 / 20

5 Signs the Proud Person in Your Life Is Just Arrogant.

5 Signs the Proud Person in Your Life Is Just Arrogant.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle,

M.Sc. & B.Sc.

learning-mind.com

Posted March 19th, 2020.

 
 

 

Pride is the great quality of appreciating your successes and having confidence in your endeavors. However, when does pride become toxic and become a manifestation of arrogance? Could the proud person you know be just conceited? Do you sometimes feel that your significant other isn’t proud but has reached the tipping point of becoming arrogant?

What is the difference between pride and arrogance? Let’s take a look at how to work out whether a proud person is just conceited.

Defining pride:

The dictionary defines pride as:
“Feeling self-respect or pleasure in something by which you measure your self-worth; or being a reason for pride.”
Feelings of pride reflect your emotions arising from an accomplishment. Feeling proud of yourself is linked to an achievement or success that has rewarded your efforts with positivity.
Pride doesn’t just relate to yourself; you can be proud of others or proud of group achievements. It connects with other feelings, such as honor, dignity, and self-respect. Pride is justifiable and has an identifiable reason.
Confidence is not a bad trait, and being proud of your successes can lead to improvements in self-esteem. The problem, of course, comes with overwhelming pride, and when confidence eclipses those positive character traits and becomes arrogance.

Defining arrogance:

Arrogance is not the same thing as pride; a proud person is not necessarily conceited. Being arrogant is similar to other negative perspectives:
  • Vanity
  • Conceitedness
  • Selfishness
  • Disrespectfulness
An arrogant person believes himself or herself to be superior to others, whether or not they have a logical reason to think so. They consider themselves more valuable, their contributions more important, and have excessive expectations of their abilities.
This leads to dominance, an elevated impression of a person’s talent, and a lack of regard or respect for other people around them. Conceitedness is not justifiable, is not necessarily linked to any achievements or successes, and applies only to that person’s opinion of themselves.

Signs that a proud person is just arrogant

1. They demand to be the center of attention

People who have achieved great things have every right to be proud. However, talent speaks for itself, and sometimes the most successful people shy away from the limelight. A conceited person will insist on being the center of attention at all times.
This can manifest as:
  • Talking over people in conversation
  • Raising their voice to be heard, or drowning out others
  • Turning every subject around to talk about themselves
  • Having a dominant personality
  • Refusing to let anybody else make decisions

2. They feel threatened by other proud people

Somebody who has much to feel confident about will welcome interesting conversations, personal challenges, and meeting new people. If you are confident in yourself and have a healthy level of self-respect, it is unusual to feel intimidated by others.
An arrogant person will often feel ‘at risk’ when confronted with other people who, perhaps, would be able to spot the flaws in their persona and contradict their boasting of accomplishments.

3. They are often irritated or annoyed by people they perceive as weak

Selfish people don’t have much time for others, and will usually try to surround themselves with a social group they consider to be their peers. Conceited people also often attempt to ingratiate themselves with connections with greater achievements than their own, either to gain a higher social status or because they believe themselves to be on a par.
Likewise, an arrogant person will find quieter people or those they consider to be weak an annoyance. They do not have empathy, will not be willing to spend any time with people who don’t further their objectives, and will quickly become frustrated and annoyed.

4. They always believe themselves to be right

Vanity means believing your ideas, suggestions or thoughts to be far superior to those that anybody else could come up with. Arrogant people are uncompromising and extremely difficult to work and live with.
Have you ever seen somebody watching an expert on the news, or viewing a professional sports event, and insist that they know better, or could have done a better job? That is an example of excessive pride, whereby a person truly thinks his or her power of thought, and physical performance is better than anybody else’s – no matter how much evidence there might be to the contrary!

5. They have no respect for other people

If people have an extremely high opinion of themselves, they probably don’t have much room in their psyche for considering anybody else.
A person with excess pride will often show this in lots of small ways, which can conclusively point to their lack of respect for other people:
  • Always being late
  • Never doing a favor for anybody else
  • Having high expectations from the people in their lives
  • Being unwilling to show any generosity
  • Speaking over people
  • Putting the phone down without saying goodbye
  • Interrupting constantly

Conclusion

Being proud and confident are not bad qualities to have. Everybody should feel a sense of pride when they have achieved something difficult, or shown resilience and forbearing. However, arrogance is something quite different, and spending a lot of time around it can be draining.
If you think that the proud person in your life may be arrogant, perhaps now is the time to address the problem. They may not realize that their behaviors have gone too far, and being conscious of how they come across could be a wake-up call to reel in the temptation to dominate every relationship.
An innately conceited person might not be capable of change, in which case the best thing to do is to consider your capacity to manage and cope with their personality. If it is harming you, and you constantly feel exhausted by having to make up for their bad behavior, it may be time to start putting yourself first.

 

Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 
 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 


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Alternative to Google
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

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Quarta-feira, 25 / 03 / 20

Social Distancing from an Introvert’s Point of View.

Social Distancing from an Introvert’s Point of View.

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

March 25th, 2020

 

 
 
Our world is plagued with fake people who pretend to be something they aren’t. It’s not unusual to fall for a fake, no matter what they’re pretending to be. Sometimes, we just trust too easily. When you fall for a fake empath’s lies, it could be emotionally or mentally damaging. For your own sake, it’s a good idea to know what to look for when spotting a fake.
 
Despite how wholesome being an empath is at its root, there are still people who make it into something less than that. Fake empaths are, unfortunately, common. People claim to have this gift for all sorts of reasons. Often, fake empaths are narcissists.
 
Empaths and narcissists are on opposite ends of the same spectrum. They insist that they are highly sensitive to other people’s emotions and can “just tell how you feel” in order to manipulate you in some way for their own gain.
 
What Is an Empath?
 
A real empath is a person who can tune in, or feel, the emotions of others. This extends to animals and even the emotional “vibe” of certain places. Oftentimes, empaths are portrayed as having a psychic ability similar to mind reading.
 
Fake empaths particularly love the recognition that comes with this theory. While some might believe in the psychic aspects, others lean more towards the idea that empaths are just highly sensitive to emotions and actively try to feel the emotions of others.
 
Real empaths are born with their abilities and may never know they have such a gift. They may live their entire lives assuming that it’s normal to pick up on everyone’s emotions so easily. With or without their knowledge, empaths use a whole array of tools to understand another person’s emotions. These include body language, tone of voice and even the words a person uses. Fake empaths are unlikely to even notice such subtle changes.
 
For strongly empathic people, distance has no impact on their abilities. Even live TV, documentaries and reality shows can give emotional impressions to an empath. For this reason, real empaths will often avoid seeing shows that are heavy with emotion.
 
 
5 Differences between Fake Empaths and Real Empaths
 
1. They Want to Diagnose You
 
Fake empaths want to tell YOU how YOU feel. Instead of simply trying to understand and be in tune with how you feel, as a real empath would do, they want to read you. They want to diagnose your feelings and they want everyone to know about it.
 
For example, imagine you’re having a hard time and have been a little quieter than usual. A real empath would naturally feel this and would understand why. Be it anxiety or maybe sadness, they’ll feel it too. They probably won’t tell you that they feel your emotions too, they’ll just try to help without making a fuss.
 
A fake empath will turn it into a guessing game, without a sympathetic approach. They just want you to notice that they’ve “read you”.
 
2. They Don’t Take “No” Well
 
If a fake empath comes up with an incorrect assumption of you, which is most likely, they won’t handle being corrected very well. Fake empaths pretend to be this way for attention and to feel like they have a special power that makes them superior, and sometimes even god-like.
 
Whilst a real empath would be apologetic and uncomfortable if they had been wrong about how you felt, a fake one would be defensive. They’re likely to insist that you’re wrong about your own emotions. After all, they’re the ones with the magical powers, right?
 
3. They Will Note Your Negative Emotions, Not Positive Ones
 
Fake empaths want to feel like they’ve caught you out, so they’ll try to reveal emotions you would be keeping secret. If they think you’re angry at someone, they’ll announce that “they can feel it” because they’re empathetic. The same goes for any sadness or discomfort they might think you have.
 
Real empaths enjoy when others feel positive emotions because they can feel it too. They get to share in the good feelings and they’re happy to tell you they’re experiencing the same emotions. Fake empaths won’t bother with noting your positive emotions, because they’re not as exciting or dramatic enough to get them attention.
 
4. They Tell Everyone They’re Empaths
 
There are very few signs that make it clearer that someone is not an empath than them telling everyone that they are. Real empaths don’t need or want the attention and confusion that comes from sharing their abilities. If you reveal that you can feel the emotions of others, you’re likely to be met with questions. Fake empaths love this. They crave the attention.
 
5. They Blame Emotional Influence
 
As a real empath, you’re constantly taking in the emotional experiences of the people and places around you. This can be fatiguing and will have some impact on your own mood. Fake empaths will let this be an excuse for their bad moods and bad behavior, while real empaths would never.
 
Real empaths understand that it is possible to be influenced by the outside world, but they wouldn’t let it become negative or impact the people around them. If emotions get too strong, they would rather take themselves away for a while than hurt their family or friends.
 
Fake empaths will become angry and even rude and snappy, then blame it on the influence of others instead of taking responsibility for lashing out.
 
Fake Empaths Can Be Dangerous
 
Fake empaths are particularly dangerous people because of their assumed control over your emotions. In order to protect yourself from these people, it’s important to know the differences between things a fake empath and a real one. If someone in your life shows signs of being fake, it’s best to stay away.
 
References:
  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com
  2. https://medium.com
 
 
 

 

Becky Storey
 

 



 

About the Author: Becky Storey
 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 23:11
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Segunda-feira, 09 / 03 / 20

...

Are Intelligent Women Less Likely to Fall for Psychopaths and Narcissists?

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

March 7th, 2020.

 
intelligent women.
 

 

 
Do you think you would ever fall for a psychopath or narcissist? Most intelligent women think they wouldn’t. But skilled manipulators target all kinds of people. So can your smarts outwit a predator? Let’s find out.
 
How Likely Is It for Intelligent Women to Fall for Psychopaths and Narcissists?
 
We all like to think that we are intelligent enough to see behind the mask of a psychopath, but are we? Before we talk about intelligence, let us examine the characteristics of psychopaths and narcissists.
 
Psychopath traits
 
Psychopaths are charming, intelligent, and tend to be well-liked in society. They may have powerful jobs and earn a higher wage. They are also glib and have the gift of the gab. I mean, what’s not to like?
 
Narcissist traits
 
On the other hand, narcissists have perfected the mask they hide behind. They present their best side to the world, they have an over-inflated view of themselves and will lie and cheat to maintain this façade.
 
So it’s clear that we are dealing with some pretty devious characters here. But shouldn’t self-respecting intelligent women be able to see through the lies and manipulation? Not necessarily.
 
Studies have shown the opposite to be true. In fact, women are attracted to psychopathic traits.
 
 
“Psychopathic men have a personality style that makes them appear attractive to women in dating encounters. This may be because they are extra confident or feel at ease or know exactly what to say to get the attention of women,” Kristopher Brazil, PhD candidate at Brock University.
 
In one study, an assistant engaged in a two-minute dating scenario conservation with males. She asked the men what they liked to do on a first date and recorded their responses. After the questions, the males completed assessments of psychopathy, socio-sexuality and social intelligence.
 
These videos were then played to 108 young women who were asked to rate the attractiveness of the men. The study found women rated men with psychopathic tendencies highly. In other words, they found psychopaths more attractive.
 
So it seems we are predisposed to find psychopathy attractive, but can our intelligence help us to sort out the manipulators?
Why intelligent women can’t help falling for psychopaths and narcissists
 
We judge people by our own standards
 
Psychopaths use their charm and intelligence to get what they want. They have no conscience so will use any means necessary at their disposal. Now, the problem with this is that most people are not psychopaths. However, we assume that everyone acts the way we do.
 
We believe we all share the same moral compass, the same values and are decent at heart. We cannot imagine how people can act in a despicable way. If it’s not in our nature, surely it can’t be in anyone else’s.
 
But of course, this is not the case. Just because we wouldn’t cheat or lie or gaslight someone, it doesn’t mean that others won’t.
 
We all believe we have empathy for other people, but some are born without empathy. They have no regard for other people’s feelings. They have no conscience.
 
The other problem is that not every psychopath is like Hannibal Lecter. Some psychopaths only tick a few points on the Hare’s Psychopath Checklist. In fact, studies show that psychopaths will use their charm and deceit in the short-term in order to snare their victims. But they can’t keep this pretence up long-term. Why? Because their selfish needs are their ultimate goals.
 
In other words, they’ll only schmooze you until they’ve got what they want.
 
Psychopaths are excellent manipulators
 
The other problem is that psychopaths and narcissists are born manipulators. They have this innate talent to charm, deceive and play the ordinary person. They’ve spent years, decades even, perfecting their craft. So they know exactly what to say to turn you on, to hold your interest, to keep the spotlight on them.
 
“Psychopathic men are really good at pretending to display what women are attracted to. They’re really good at putting on this mask, and making themselves look attractive . . . You exude a larger-than-life presence, and give off an impression of greatness.” Kristopher Brazil
 
Psychopaths will make you feel like the most special person in the room. They’ll flatter and charm you, and you’ll feel like the luckiest girl in the world. But of course, they only do it to get what they want.
 
These types of manipulators are always confident. They are at ease with themselves, and intelligent women find confident men extremely attractive.
 
Psychopaths also have a box of tricks up their sleeves when it comes to manipulating someone. They pull you into their circle by telling you false secrets about someone. They draw you in by revealing a confidence they shouldn’t have.
 
They will often do small favours and then ask for a larger one in return. This elicits trust and a desire to reciprocate the help.
We care about our loved ones
 
One way psychopaths and narcissists are able to fool intelligent women is because they are incapable of the most basic human emotions. In fact, studies have shown that they only mimic emotions to blend in or deceive people around them.
 
“Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) research indicates that psychopaths are incapable of experiencing basic human emotions and feelings of guilt, remorse, or empathy.” Corporate Psychopath expert Paul Babiak and Forensic Behavioral Consultant Mary Ellen O’Toole
 
In relationships or the work environment, having no emotions can have a huge benefit, especially if you want to gain an advantage over someone. On the other hand, if you are an emotional person and care deeply about your partner or colleagues, you might agonise over decisions you have to make.
 
Overly emotional people can feel guilty about breaking up with a partner. So much so that they put it off. Bosses may put up with shoddy work because they feel responsible for their staff.
 
Caring for other people can clearly be a disadvantage in certain circumstances. It can interfere with the way you do your job, or how you cope in a relationship.
 
How can intelligent women recognise a psychopath or narcissist?
 
I’m saying intelligent women are not less likely to fall for psychopaths or narcissists. In fact, it’s difficult for anyone to resist their charms. So how can you resist?
 
Do other people question this individual’s actions?
 
Sometimes we can be so under a person’s spell we can’t see the wood for the trees. Are you ignoring advice from close friends? Do family members raise concerns about this individual? If multiple people are worried, you should be too.
 
Does this individual pick on your vulnerabilities?
 
Psychopaths have a pathological need to damage their victims once they are drawn in. In fact, they are driven by their victim’s vulnerabilities. They can’t help themselves. If your new boyfriend has turned particularly nasty and was once charming, he might be a psychopath.
 
Does he play mind games with you?
 
Gaslighting and mind games are favourite manipulation tools for this individual. It’s how he gets his kicks. If you start questioning yourself, thinking that you are going mad, you could be a victim of a psychopath.
 
Final thoughts
 
It doesn’t matter how intelligent woman you are. If a psychopath or narcissist has you in their sights, it’s only a matter of time before you become their victim.
 
 
References:
 

 

Janey Davies

 

About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

 Archives:
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 

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publicado por achama às 01:43
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Sábado, 28 / 12 / 19

20 Signs of a Narcissistic Perfectionist Who Is Poisoning Your Life

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

December 27th, 2019.

 
Narcissistic Perfectionist signs.
 
 
 
Psychological terms such as narcissism and perfectionist have been around for decades. We understand their character traits, even if we don’t possess them ourselves. But what happens when the two collide? Is there such a thing as a narcissistic perfectionist? And if so, what impact does it have on a person’s life?
 
Understanding the Narcissistic Perfectionist
 
It is easy to explain this kind of person. We simply break down the two components of their personality.
 
 
So, we know that narcissists, as well as putting themselves first, have the following character traits:
 
Narcissists:
  • A grandiose sense of self
  • A sense of entitlement
  • They think they are special and unique
 
On the other hand, perfectionists set themselves impossibly high standards.
 
Perfectionists:
  • Strive for flawless performance
  • They will work tirelessly, be extremely self-critical.
  • Some will have a tendency to procrastinate.
 
Now, it’s not quite as simple as putting these two character traits together. This is because the narcissist who is also a perfectionist projects their perfectionism onto other people, not themselves. This is the difference between a perfectionist and a person with narcissistic traits.
 
The narcissistic perfectionist sets these unrealistic goals and targets for other people. Furthermore, they get angry and hostile if they don’t reach these impossible goals.
 
Dr. Simon Sherry is a clinical psychologist and an associate professor. He works in the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience.
 
 
“Narcissistic perfectionists have a need for other people to satisfy their unreasonable expectations… And if you don’t, they get angry.” Dr. Simon Sherry
 
Studies into This Type of Personality
 
Studies included researching the biographies of famous CEOs with narcissistic perfectionism. Employees reported their bosses lashing out at them for very minor mistakes. They would be held in high-esteem one minute then go from ‘hero to zero’ the next.
 
 
In addition, employees would be routinely derogated in front of co-workers. The CEOs would be hyper-critical, to the point of outright hostility.
 
So why is this combination so lethal?
 
“But high expectations paired with feelings of grandiosity and entitlement to the perfect performance of others creates a much more negative combination.” Dr. Simon Sherry
 
So far we have talked about top CEOs, but what about in everyday life? What if the perfectionist narcissist is a member of your own family?
 
Logan Nealis is a Clinical Psychology Ph.D. student. He is working with the Personality Research Team.
 
 
“A narcissistic perfectionist parent demands perfect performance from his daughter on the hockey rink, but not necessarily from anyone else out there.” Logan Nealis
 
But it’s not just about demanding perfection from people around them. It is also about basking in the glow of success through the perfection achieved by those around them. The narcissist can say, through these perfect achievements, ‘Look how good I am!’
Typical Behaviors of a Narcissistic Perfectionist
 
So how can you spot someone with narcissistic perfectionist tendencies? According to recent studies, there are several major red flags:
 
“Our most consistent finding across the two studies is that narcissistic perfectionism is associated with social negativity in the form of anger, derogation, conflict and hostility,” explains Dr. Sherry.
 
This social negativity goes hand-in-hand with the narcissist’s sense of superiority. So they won’t just take the time to critically humiliate you. In fact, they’ll do all of that whilst maintaining this sense that they are better than you.
 
The narcissist who also believes in perfectionism will react in violent and hostile outbursts. These outbursts will be a complete over-reaction to the mistake in question. For example, imagine that you have made one very small spelling error on a document. The narcissist perfectionist boss would drag you out in front of your co-workers, shout and scream at you and sack you on the spot.
 
Also, don’t forget, any errors will never be the narcissist’s fault. It is inconceivable to them that they might be wrong or the mistake is theirs. This black and white thinking just adds to the problem.
 
“In the world view of a narcissistic perfectionist, the problem exists outside of themselves. It’s the co-worker, it’s the spouse, it’s the roommate.” Dr Sherry
 
20 Signs Someone You Know Is a Narcissistic Perfectionist
 
  1. Many of us work for bosses that demand perfection. But what’s the difference between someone who wants the best work from you, or the narcissist who just happens to be a perfectionist too? And what about family and friends? Do you recognise any of the following signs?
  2. They set impossible demands/targets/goals
  3. These goals are for everyone else, not themselves
  4. They react inappropriately when something does not go their way
  5. You are always walking on eggshells around them
  6. You never know how they are going to react
  7. They are hyper-critical in everything you do
  8. Everything you do is up for criticism
  9. The rules apply to you but not to them
  10. They can bend the rules, but you never can
  11. They get impatient with you
  12. They demand great things from you
  13. You can’t ever be yourself around them
  14. You’re afraid of them
  15. They’re unprofessional at work
  16. They expect too much from you
  17. You’re not allowed to offer ‘excuses’
  18. It’s never their fault
  19. They are always right
  20. They don’t want to hear explanations
  21. If you make a mistake, they get hostile and angry
 
You might recognise some of the above signs. They may apply to a boss, a partner, a friend or a family member. Dealing with the narcissistic perfectionist in your life depends on the circumstances. If it is your boss, there might not be much you can do apart from seeking alternative employment.
 
For personal relationships, however, Dr. Sherry believes that getting the person to understand the impact of their behaviour is the way forward. Typically, the narcissist will not seek treatment. They may do it only in the end stages when their marriage has failed, or they have lost a company for example.
 
Final Thoughts
 
It is extremely difficult to change the mindset of a narcissist, particularly one with perfectionist traits. Sometimes the only thing you can do is leave, for your own sanity.
  1. medicalxpress.com
  2. www.sciencedaily.com
  3. www.researchgate.net
 

 
Janey Davies

 

About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 


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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 06:17
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Sábado, 16 / 11 / 19

5 Reasons Behind Oversharing on Social Media and How to Stop It

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

November 15th, 2019.

 



 
We love social media. It is an undeniable part of daily life now, and for the most part, that’s okay. Unfortunately, sometimes it can all get too much and we start oversharing personal things on social media.
 
We all know someone whose social media is flooded with stories that are too personal and too detailed to be shared so publicly. There are people who share every minor moment.
 
Oversharing on social media is common and there are some serious psychological reasons behind why we do it.
 
Oversharing can be dangerous. Not only are we often giving away private information like our location, but we’re also often saying things that could jeopardize our jobs. Even when our settings are set to private, there’s usually always a way for our information to be shared publicly without our consent.
 
Anonymity
 
One of the most straight forward reasons behind oversharing on social media is this: no one has to know who you are. Social media sometimes feels a little like shouting into the void, as if no one will hear it.
 
When we overshare on our social media accounts, we experience a delay in returned communication. We don’t have to face the repercussions of our confessions immediately like we would if we revealed a secret in person. We don’t have to see the faces of others and we don’t have to experience the awkwardness.
 
Sometimes, when we overshare on social media, we also fill in our own blanks. We can decide how others will react without ever having to hear it for real.
 
Because of this anonymity, we can overshare all sorts of sordid details about our lives. When we’re posting under our own name, the world seems too far away to notice us. If we want more secrecy, we can even disguise our name.
 
Our voices are diluted online, allowing us to yell our secrets into a crowd of millions. It feels private, even when it’s incredibly public.
 
A Lack of Authority
 
Unlike at work, school, or even at home, there are no authority figures online. Social media is a free-for-all. We can overshare all we like because there’s no one to stop us.
 
Free speech isn’t always a good thing though. We reveal our political alliances, our morals, and values like it’s nothing. In public, we’d never open up with such personal details until we really knew a person.
 
We also forget that social media isn’t all that private. Although our bosses, teachers, and parents might not be watching us in person, there’s no real way to hide our words from them, even if they don’t follow our accounts directly.
Egocentricity
 
Of course, we all assume that anyone who overshares on social media is doing it for attention. We wouldn’t always be wrong on this theory, though I like to pretend that it’s not an all too common reason. Sometimes though, people just want their 15 minutes of fame.
 
As humans, we crave attention. We want to be in people’s thoughts, and we love to know that others are looking, hopefully admiringly, at us. We usually want our selfies, stories and hilarious tweets to catch someone’s attention and bring us some notoriety.
 
On the other hand, some people overshare every detail because they genuinely believe other people care. Sometimes, a person’s narcissistic nature means they think even their most mundane moments are important.
 
These people thrive off the approval that comes from a “like” even when it was done out of habit or kindness, rather than genuine interest.
 
Low Self-Esteem
 
 
In contrast to the self-centered reasons for some, low self-esteem is a common reason why others might overshare on social media. When we’re feeling down about ourselves, we seek the reassurance and approval of others.
 
When someone feels insecure about their image, they seek out compliments, or even just passive likes, as a way of feeling better. One selfie can bring instant reassurance that people do “like” the way we look. The rush we get from this approval makes us want to do it again, and ultimately overshare ourselves.
 
Similarly, we tend to always display what we feel are our best qualities and moments. When we do something we think is interesting or take a selfie we think is attractive, we post it far and wide, so as many people as possible will see it.
 
We overshare all sorts of things that don’t need to be seen by acquaintances we’ve long forgotten, but we want them to see it. We want to be seen as cool or attractive, even if it’s not real.
 
It’s a sort of “say it enough times and you’ll start to believe it” situation. We’ll flood our social media accounts with too much information or too many pictures, hoping the quantity will amount to someone, somewhere, thinking that’s who we really are.
 
The same applies to low self-esteem resulting from our personalities, achievements and life situations. Sometimes, when we post self-deprecating statuses or pictures with sad captions, we get a rush of support.
 
The flood of compliments, pep talks and love are addictive. This leads people to keep oversharing deeper and deeper personal stories on social media, just to receive some reassurance that we aren’t as bad as we feel.
Loneliness
 
In a not too different way, we could be oversharing on social media because we feel alone. Social media gives us an opportunity to tell the world our stories without the repercussions we would have in real life. When we speak out about our secrets, our problems and our concerns, we often learn that we aren’t alone.
 
Often, people take to their social media accounts to reveal things. They’re then met with a community of people who feel the same or have experienced the same thing. Suddenly, they’re not alone anymore. Oversharing isn’t always a terrible thing, as long as it’s met by likeminded people.
 
There are forums and groups on social media sites that cater to every story, and thus, oversharing is welcomed because it’s falling on ears that want to hear it.
 
Be careful what you overshare online because you can’t take it back. Social media is an incredible place to share your story but consider this rule: never post anything you wouldn’t want your grandmother to see. If she shouldn’t see it, neither should acquaintances from years gone by.
 
Once you’ve worked out your reasons for it, you can fix those instead of turning to your social media accounts.
 
References:
 
Becky Storey

 



 

About the Author: Becky Storey
 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 23:10
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Sexta-feira, 08 / 11 / 19

6 Signs of a Conceited Person and How to Deal with Them

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

November 7th, 2019.



 
Have you ever been (un)fortunate enough to meet the kind of person who thinks the world revolves around them? These kinds of people spend their lives up on their high horse and refuse to come down. These people are conceited.
 
Spending time with a conceited person is emotionally draining and can even be dangerous for your mental health and sense of self-worth. There’s nothing beneficial about having someone in your life who thinks they’re better than you.
 
 
Conceited people can be toxic to be around. It’s important to be able to spot a conceited person and know how to handle them as soon as possible – before it’s too late.
A Conceited Person Is Arrogant
 
Arrogant people tend to think that they are more worthy and more important than others. This is a common trait that a conceited person would have. When they are being arrogant, it’s likely that they’ll be disrespectful of others and their views and opinions. This is because they view themselves as more intelligent or able than anyone else.
 
They do not see others as equal, but rather they spend their time looking down on others. When this trait runs deeper, the conceited person could also become narcissistic. In this case, they truly believe that they are the best in any situation. Whether it be intelligence, attractiveness or abilities, they will always consider themselves top dog.
They Think They’re Always Right
 
When a person is conceited and thinks a lot of themselves, you’ll find it hard to even convince them they’re wrong. It could be at work in an important task or a casual comment in a conversation with friends. Wherever it may be, if a conceited person isn’t correct, they’ll never admit it.
 
Conceited people consider themselves infallible, and everyone else unintelligent. In a group, they’ll often try to ensure that their voice is the loudest, so no one else’s opinion can be expressed. This is simply because they feel that their view is the best and the most important one.
Conceited People Have a Superiority Complex
 
A superiority complex is a type of dysfunctional thinking. The conceited person thinks of themselves as much more important, or superior, to everyone else. They’ll usually find ways to slide their success and best qualities into conversations that don’t require it.
 
A conceited person with a superiority complex will always expect to be chosen first and always want to be the highest rank. In some cases, this is due to an internal fragility.
 
They crave constant confirmation that they are the best of the bunch. On the other hand, some people have this complex simply because they believe it, usually through excessive praise.
 
 
It can be difficult to deal with a conceited person who thinks that they’re always superior to you. No matter your own talents or abilities, you’ll always be put down.
 
Handle it by surrounding yourself with other people who respect you. Reminding yourself of your true achievements will stop you from believing the lies conceited people spill.
They Are Vain and Judgemental
 
A person who is conceited will definitely be obsessed with their own image. They crave attention and need to be attractive to others. Often, they might even base their self-worth on how they look.
 
You’ll be able to spot a conceited person by how much effort they put into their image, even when it’s unnecessary. There’s nothing wrong with looking your best, but if a trip to the grocery store requires their most attractive outfit, they might be a bit conceited.
 
When a person judges themselves based on their image, they tend to do the same to others. They’ll probably rank people’s worthiness by the way that they look. More attractive people will be more worthy of their time, while unattractive people will barely get a look in.
 
This will even include people who aren’t a romantic prospect. They’ll simply lack respect for anyone who doesn’t match their expectations for attractiveness.
A Conceited Person Won’t Give Credit to Anyone Else
 
Conceited people want to be the sole beneficiary of any success. They’ll usually want to keep all of the attention for themselves because they thrive off praise and admiration. Their craving for praise and always needing to be the bests leads them to leave people out when the credits roll.
 
 
No matter their real contribution to the project, they’ll always want their name first. No matter how many people helped them achieve a goal along the way, they’ll always downplay it.
 
When you’re battling for recognition with this kind of person, never let them win. If you’re proud of your part in something, never let a conceited attention-seeker steal your thunder. Make your own successes known.
They Need Constant Reassurance
 
Conceited people aren’t always as self-assured on the inside as they are on the outside. A conceited person might seem like they’re obsessed with their looks, their success, and their importance.
 
Deep down though, the reason they’re obsessed with those things could be that they don’t really believe it. They bring up their achievements and belittle others because they need to be reassured that they are successful, important and attractive.
 
Instead of being humble and insecure on the outside though, this presents as overconfidence and conceitedness. They constantly set up opportunities for others to take notice of them and, hopefully, agree with their bragging statements.
 
You have to weigh up the pros and cons when it comes to dealing with a conceited person who needs your constant reassurance.
 
If you love them and feel close enough, try having a conversation. Tell them you think they’re great and offer them support in seeking help for the underlying insecurities they have. Once they have more genuine self-belief, they’ll probably be less conceited.
 
If this person isn’t close to you, then their conceit could be draining. Make sure you protect yourself. Don’t let conceited people tell you that you aren’t important. Remember your own worth.
 
References:
 
Becky Storey

 



 

About the Author: Becky Storey
 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 
 
tags: , , , , , ,
publicado por achama às 02:51
link do post | comentar | favorito
Quinta-feira, 06 / 06 / 19

When Blaming Others for Your Failures, Consider These Uncomfortable Truths ~ Sherrie.

When Blaming Others for Your Failures, Consider These Uncomfortable Truths.

By Sherrie.

June 6th, 2019

 

Excruciating pain at a turning point of our lives will make us stop blaming others. Until then, we will be empty.
Thinking back as far as I can pick out times when I refused to take the blame for things. I remember tantrums in my teenage years, but usually, it was because I didn’t get something I wanted. I think blaming others came later on during my early adulthood when I blamed my shortcomings on the way I was being treated.

Why are we prone to blaming others?

Yes, negative treatment will make you feel victimized, and you will blame others for your future misfortune, but at some point, you must take responsibility. But there are darker, more selfish reasons for blaming everything on others.
Let’s take a look at why we do this hurtful thing, shall we?

1. To attack others

As heartbreaking as it is, attacking others is a way of hurting them to avoid taking responsibility. When approached about something they’ve done, irresponsible people become defensive and lash out.
They don’t have to be a narcissistic person. They could just be afraid of the consequences of their bad behavior, and they’re looking for a way out of the mess. Placing blame on others and flipping the situation may have become a natural defense mechanism.

2. Truth found in narcissistic behavior

I know a man, who, when angry, claims to feel no remorse for his outbursts. You can see the lack of empathy when he yells and throws tantrums that I recognize from my children’s early years.
The first time I heard this outburst, I was taken aback – I was shocked by the pitch and tone of his bellows. Something shifted between us in that moment.
I’ve heard this very man call others narcissists, when in fact, he fit much of the characteristics of this toxic personality. The truth is, it wasn’t always his fault, he was raised to take no responsibility for his actions. He used blaming all others as the only way he could feel healthy self-esteem.

3. Why can’t we accept failures?

I want you to know that it’s okay to be imperfect, and it’s also okay to let the world know this. Failure is just a part of life, and being open and honest about your shortcomings is a step toward growth and strength. It’s a strength that no one can take away from you. It’s an inner honesty with who we really are.
When we cannot accept failure, we cannot accept that we are imperfect. Most people who do this have created a facade that they show others. If someone manages to get close enough to them and sees the truth, they will lash out.
This is because the perfection they display is being threatened to be revealed. This can be devastating to those who are stuck in blaming and shaming others.

4. It’s easy and it’s lazy

It’s so much easier to blame all others for your mistakes. After all, who wants to take the time for self-analysis? We don’t want the consequences that come with being caught in a shady situation or making a mistake when brushing it off with lies ends the conversation faster.
Most of the time, unfortunately, those who play the blame game learned this dynamic early in life, and use it all through adulthood.
They alienate partners and fail at long-term relationships. They are sometimes remarkably gifted at hiding this about themselves, sometimes as long as two years into the union, but after that, the mask starts to fall off revealing some of the most childish and heinous behavior you have ever seen.

5. There’s no moral compass

Usually, those who have the habit of blaming and criticizing others are doing so to have the freedom to act in any way they want. They cover up things, they lie, and they avoid any sort of confrontation at all costs.
If they are religious or spiritual, they love to attend worship services as long as love is the subject of teaching. But as soon, as self-discipline and accountability are introduced, they proclaim they are being controlled.
Morality, standards, dignity, and loyalty, among others, are things they purposely overlook. After all, these things will interfere in their agenda, as I stated before. So, they start to downgrade spiritual aspects in life, but they do not convict themselves for the things they need to fix in their lives.
As frightening as it may seem, the doctrine they once followed will change according to their selfish needs instead of doing the right thing.

Hope for individuals who blame their actions on others

While it’s not easy to change what’s learned between birth and 7 years of age, psychology states that these years are the most impressionable years of a person’s life. What they are taught frame how they will approach things during their later life. So, this means, blaming others has become a deep imprint.
To help those who always blame their failures on others, therapy, intervention, and accountability is a must. At home, be careful not to fall victim to fear when they grow furious. Don’t invade their space, but certainly stand your ground.
Remember, it’s okay to feel a little sad when we fail, but it’s not okay to pass the buck to another. Let’s strive to be better people.
References:
  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com
  2. https://hbr.org
 
 

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
About the Author: Sherrie

Sherrie is a freelance writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse. She is a mother of three and a lifetime fan of the thought-provoking and questionable aspects of the universe.

COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 

 


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If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


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Terça-feira, 04 / 06 / 19

5 Tools of Narcissistic Triangulation: Is Someone Doing This to You? ~ Sherrie.

5 Tools of Narcissistic Triangulation: Is Someone Doing This to You?

By Sherrie.

June 3rd, 2019

 

Narcissistic abuse is terrible enough, but having to deal with narcissistic triangulation is a whole other level of this illness.
I’ve studied narcissism and other personality disorders for quite some time. I’ve learned aboutthe traits and characteristics, and then, I discovered that we all have a certain level of narcissism within us. Did you know that? Well, it seems I’m learning something new every day, and that’s a good thing. Just recently I learned there was something called, “narcissistic triangulation”, and this has opened up areas in my life that were hard to see.

What is this form of abuse?

The narcissist’s tool of madness – triangulation – is a severe mode of alienating people from others that they love. Triangulation can also mean using gaslighting(convincing outsiders that someone you love is crazy), and it can mean draining life from the victim while gaining popularity with the victim’s loved ones.
I think it’s one of the sickest weapons that a narcissist can use. In fact, I feel nauseated at this moment because I’m learning that I know quite a few people like this.

Are they using narcissistic triangulation on you?

A narcissist, especially a covert kind, will use triangulation often during their abusive actions. It’s a way to cover who they really are. This happens when the victim starts to figure out the true identity of the narcissist. It’s almost a retaliation from being noticed, actually.
If the narcissist can use triangulation to separate the victim from all their loved ones, then the victim will be alone, easy prey for the narcissist. Can you feel the disgust? I can.
So, let’s see if any narcissists are using triangulation on you:

1. Invoking jealousy

Narcissists who use triangulation will attempt to make their partner jealous. One of the most common ways they do this is by using a third party.
For instance, the narcissist may tell their partner that one of her friends flirted with him. This not only makes the victim feel insecure but also makes her try harder to please the narcissist in fear of losing his interest to her friend. It’s sadistic, honestly.
If you’ve noticed your partner talking about girls flirting with him, try not to respond. It’s your response the narcissist craves.

2. Division

Have you noticed your partner saying negative things about certain friends you have? If so, they’re probably telling these friends negative things about you as well. This happens when communication between two particular people could expose the narcissist’s true identity.
Pay close attention to who your partner talks about and his overall demeanor when he does this. He could possibly be using triangulation to keep control.

3. Gaslighting

Gaslighting is when a narcissistic personality convinces others that her partner is crazy or abusive. This is possible because of carefully manipulative instigation.
For example, a narcissist will say derogatory things about her partner until he gets mad. When he retaliates, she will say he is crazy. Sometimes she does this in public so that more people can see just how crazed he gets.
If your girlfriend is starting fights with you for no reason, be careful of gaslighting. This might be what’s about to happen, which proves triangulation.

4. Recruitment

Is your partner often calling in reinforcements from friends and family when you start fighting or having a disagreement? If so, then this could be a form of narcissistic triangulation.
Now, sometimes help is needed when dealing with serious issues, but leveraging people to one side is just not a healthy move in a relationship. You may have noticed how your partner’s family members always take their side, this is common of course, but this, in ways, is triangulation as well.

5. The break-up

If you’re about to break up with your partner, then take a close look at how it’s being done.
Let’s say it’s his idea, and not so much your own. If he is using triangulation, he is telling other people about how bad you are and getting them to agree with everything he says. One of these confidants is probably the woman he wishes to replace you with.
It’s a sick and twisted way of ending a relationship, but it fits right in with how narcissists use triangulation.

What you can do with this information

I’ve been reading about narcissists all day now. I was researching things and then ran off into tangents learning even more about the traits and characteristics of the narcissist. I’m going to be honest with you, this type of personality is complex and difficult to change.
The bright side is, now you have a few facts about narcissistic triangulation and how it works. It’s your choice what to do with this information. I do urge you to consider all aspects of your relationship, whether it be romantic, secular or simply a family relationship.
When you recognize the signs of narcissists and triangulation, it’s time to ask yourself one important question.
“Should I get away, or should I stay and try to help?”
The answer is up to you. Just take care of yourself and remember your self-worth in the process.
References:
  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com
  2. https://en.wikipedia.org
 

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
About the Author: Sherrie

Sherrie is a freelance writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse. She is a mother of three and a lifetime fan of the thought-provoking and questionable aspects of the universe.

COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 

 


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All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 

No religious or political belief is defended here. (Investigate yourself)

 

Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 

If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


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Quarta-feira, 29 / 05 / 19

6 Signs You Are in a Narcissistic Relationship and What to Do. ~ Rachael Pace

6 Signs You Are in a Narcissistic Relationship and What to Do.

Rachael Pace, Guest Author learning-mind.com

May 28, 2019. 

 
narcissistic relationship signs.

 

 

Being in a narcissistic relationship is hardly ideal. While your partner is the center of attention at all times, you probably feel like your needs could use a little dusting off.
A narcissistic personality disorder is a condition of the mind where one person has an inflated sense of self, a constant need for attention, and lacks empathy for others. They may also be incredibly charming, manipulative, and toxic when it comes to being in a relationship.
Don’t let someone’s inflated ego ruin your chance at happiness. How to recognize if you are in a relationship with a narcissist?

These are 6 warning signs that you are in a narcissistic relationship and ways how you can fix things.

  1. They need constant praise and attention

Narcissists have delusions of grandeur, so it isn’t surprising that one of the most common signs of narcissistic personality disorders is the need for praise from their partners.
A narcissist wants their spouse to acknowledge their talents, appearance, intelligence, and achievements on an almost constant basis.
All partners love when their spouse makes them feel special. However, such needy behavior of a narcissistic person can be detrimental to a relationship in many ways.

  1. The charm turns on and off

One thing about narcissists is that they know how to charm their partners. Because of their excessive need to be liked and adored, they will know exactly how to come off as put-together, likable, and endearing. Such behavior will, of course, inflate their ego.
But once the honeymoon period is over, a narcissist will reveal their true colors. Some examples include sulking when you disagree with them, getting angry over the smallest things, and seemingly losing any interest in pretending to care about what you are thinking or feeling.

  1. Demeaning toward others

Is there anything more distasteful than someone treating others as their lesser?
Because a narcissist views themselves as superior to others, they will often demean people around them. They will obsess over the negative parts of others’ personalities, lives, and backgrounds. They judge others relentlessly.
Not only is this damaging to your mental health, but this can also be embarrassing when introducing your spouse to your friends or family. It can also be challenging when dealing with people who work in the service industry, such as at restaurants or hotels.

  1. Zero empathy

Any family psychologist will tell you that developing empathy and compassion for your partner is essential for a healthy relationship.
Empathy means that you feel for your partner. It means you have a fellow-feeling for those around you or at the very least, for those closest to you.
Unfortunately, a lack of empathy is incredibly common in narcissistic personalities. It is what allows them to disconnect from you emotionally and be cruel without thinking twice.

  1. There is no compromise

Whether they’re trying to make their spouse stay in the relationship or are convincing them that they are on the wrong side of an argument, narcissists know how to manipulate.
Instead of coming together to communicate about how you are feeling or resolve any issues you’re having, a narcissist will overreact at even the slightest sign of your disagreeing with them.

  1. You feel bad about yourself

Relationships should make you feel good, not worthless. Gaslighting, or manipulating a partner to the point that they question their own judgment or sanity, is a common practice of toxic abusers. It can leave you feeling like you don’t even know who you are anymore.
While in a relationship with a narcissistic person, you may:
  • Feel like everything you do is wrong
  • Find yourself apologizing all the time
  • Constantly question yourself
  • Feel anxious and nervous around your spouse
  • Frequently apologize/make excuses for your spouse’s behavior
  • Become isolated from friends and family
  • Feel like you’re walking on eggshells

What to do when you’re dating a narcissist

Being part of a healthy relationship means that both partners are 100 percent willing to share their lives, thoughts, and time together. This is what creates a long-lasting, strong marriage.
If you have been dating a narcissistic personality for some time now, you are likely growing tired of the lack of give-and-take in your relationship. If that is the case, there are steps you can take for moving forward:

  • Make a decision to end your relationship

After months or years of dealing with manipulation and ego-trips, odds are your close friends and family would not blame you for throwing in the towel.
Typical narcissistic behavior is that if you try and end the relationship, they will either try and manipulate you into staying or turn on the charm in the hopes of winning back your favor.
Don’t buy it.
You deserve better than to be with someone who isn’t actually interested in being a part of your life.

  • If you live together, start withdrawing emotionally, little by little.

It’s also wise to start putting away a nest-egg of cash for when you do leave. You may also consider seeking the support of a lawyer, a trusted friend or family member. You may also need law enforcement when you finally leave to help prevent any violent outbursts.
If your spouse’s narcissistic behavior has turned dangerous to your mental or physical health, it’s time to call it quits. Once your partner has been abusive, it is likely that they will repeat the same behavior if you decide to cross them.
Even if you don’t but they feel threatened by you, they will not flinch before engaging in abusive behavior. There is no turning back from abuse. If you have been subjected to narcissistic abuse, you must gather help and resources to get out of the relationship.

You are the best judge of your relationship.

Exercise discretion to know if there is a hope for things to change for better or is your partner a looming threat to your well being.
However, keep in mind that narcissistic personality disorder is something that can be acquired during the growing ages. It isn’t easy to get rid off and sometimes, it’s completely impossible.
Even if you see some hope of resurrecting your relationship, exercise caution. Narcissists excel in the art of pretention and they can easily fool you into believing they can change. But that’s hardly possible, ever.
 
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Rachael Pace is a noted writer currently associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of her motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying about today’s evolving forms of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on all types of romantic connections. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.
 
 


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Domingo, 05 / 05 / 19

7 Things a Covert Narcissist Mother Does to Her Children ~ Sherrie.

7 Things a Covert Narcissist Mother Does to Her Children.

By Sherrie.

May 3rd, 2019


 

While most narcissists are men, women can be just as malignant. In fact, the covert narcissist mothers are becoming more common.

Narcissistic females are thought to be rarer than their male counterparts. In fact, 75% of narcissists are male. Recently, however, studies have shown more and more covert narcissists are women. The covert narcissist mother, being one of the most malignant of the group, can cause some of the worst damage as well.

How children are really affected

You would be surprised just how much damage is done to children with covert and dangerous mothers. Yes, I said dangerous because later in life, this upbringing can cause mental health problems and even suicide.
So, what does this type of mother do to her children that’s so heinous? Maybe you will understand the serious nature by delving into the effects of the narcissist.

1. She devalues her children

One thing the covert narcissist type of mother does to her child is devaluation or triangulation. This means she uses one child as a scapegoat and the other as the perfect child.
This creates competition within the mind of the flawed child. This sibling tries desperately to please their mother which is almost impossible. In the meantime, their mother is doting on the golden child and offering praises day after day.
This sort of covert and venomous narcissist mother can leave her imprint way into her child’s adulthood. The effects surface by not being good enough and always comparing themselves to other people.

2. She has two faces

One way the covert style of the narcissistic mother affects the children is by the utilization of two faces. What I mean by two faces is that the mother is loving to her children when presenting them to the outside world, but behind closed doors, she is quite the opposite.
She shows off her children, then punishes them for small things later on. Sometimes she passes her duties as a mother to other people when no one from outside the home is around to see her true actions.

3. Invalidation and gaslighting

One of the most horrible things a mother can do is invalidate the feelings of her childrenand make them feel like they are the crazy ones. This type of mother does negative things and blames the actions of her children as the cause of her negative actions.
She doesn’t validate the feelings of her children as real concerns. This is because the covert narcissistic moods of the mother show no empathy. If something occurs that’s obviously the fault of this mother, she resorts to gaslighting to defend the truths of actions.

4. Her children are parts of her personality

A narcissist’s children are not individuals in her eyes. They are simply a part of her being, created by her, and under her control. She dresses her children in certain ways to represent herself, otherwise, she will have a reputation she does not want.
In public, she brags about her children, but in private she pushes them to be better – she tells them to lose weight or to dress better.. Her children are possessions, or better yet, extensions of herself which must represent her and not an individual person.

5. She competes and crosses boundaries

The covert version of the narcissistic mother will cross strange boundaries with her children. These are boundaries that are extremely disturbing sometimes.
If she has a female child that is developing and maturing physical, the mother will compete with her daughter’s youthful looks. She may try to dress more provocatively than her daughter and even try to steal her boyfriends or seduce them.
She crosses these boundaries because she is aware of her aging and no child of hers will be better than her in any way.

6. Outside possessions are more important than her children

A covert narcissist will always find greater pleasure in providing for herself over the need of her children. For instance, she rather purchase new clothing for herself than for her children, even if they need new school clothing.
She is a selfish person and doesn’t care how her children see her. She will buy them the bare minimum and then again, show her children off to the world in their few new outfits. If you pay attention, you will notice the covert mother has more new clothing than her children.

7. She invades their privacy

A covert and intrusive narcissistic mother will always break boundaries when it comes to her child’s privacy. Yes, you should, as a mother, be able to check up on some of your children’s actions, but not constantly. Sometimes it is best to let them have some privacy and figure out things for themselves.
An unhealthy relationship with your child will turn into unhealthy relationships when they grow older, destroying future relationships and causing others to resent them for their intrusive behavior.

Let’s be honest: Are you a covert narcissistic mother?

Look within and ask yourself, do you fit any of these indicators of being a parent like this? If you relate to any of these things, please try to change as much as possible for the sake of your child’s future. The treatment they receive now will be the foundation of their adult lives.
If you know someone who is a covert narcissistic type of mother, please provide help for their children if you can. Remember, you cannot break boundaries either or the mother will only punish the children for that as well. If anything, get anonymous support or help.
I hope these indicators and words of hope have helped you as well.
References:
  1. https://thoughtcatalog.com
  2. https://blogs.psychcentral.com
 
 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
About the Author: Sherrie

Sherrie is a freelance writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse. She is a mother of three and a lifetime fan of the thought-provoking and questionable aspects of the universe.

COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 

 


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No religious or political belief is defended here. (Investigate yourself)

 

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If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


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Quinta-feira, 25 / 04 / 19

9 Signs of a Narcissistic Father: Were You Raised by a Narcissist? ~ Margaret B.

7 Wise Audrey Hepburn Quotes That Will Inspire and Motivate You.

By Margaret B.

April 24th, 2019. 



 

Many people have had a narcissistic father. Narcissism is everywhere, unfortunately.

It has been present in the past, and it will be present in the future. It can ruin people’s lives, not least because it can be difficult to see. Narcissistic parents can ruin the entire course of their children’s lives. This article provides some ways in which you can see if you had a narcissistic father.

Do any of the below things sound like your father?

 

1.  He Uses/Lives Through His Child

Parents want their children to succeed, so the saying goes. A narcissistic father will likely want his children to succeed, but not for themselves. No, he will want them to succeed because it will reflect well on himself.
Parents are supposed to raise children so that their thoughts and hopes are protected. Parents are supposed to ensure that their children can live for themselves. A narcissistic father will merely ensure that children live and grow to fulfil his wishes, rather than the child’s own.

2.  Marginalization

Narcissism is a trait which invalidates individuality. People are individuals, but narcissists don’t see that. What they see is an extension of themselves, to do with as they please.
As children grow older, they begin to show their own personalities, likes, and dislikes. This can challenge a narcissistic father, who is used to seeing his children as little miniatures. If this happens, many fathers turn to marginalization of their children in order to tear down their success.
These put-downs come in many forms, but they have one purpose. The purpose is to lower or destroy confidence and self-esteem so that the narcissistic father never needs to feel threatened by their children.

3.  Grandiosity and Superiority

Most, if not all, narcissistic fathers have a greatly inflated sense of themselves. No matter what they do, they feel as if they are the best, and should be at the top of the pile. People around a narcissist are therefore not their own people, but merely another way to assert superiority.
When it comes to a narcissistic father, this can manifest in two ways: either the child is used as a prop, or the child is taught to act in the same way. Thus the parent can use their child to assert their own viewpoint in the matter.

4.  Superficial Image

Being superficial is not entirely the same as being superior. Many a narcissistic father has used those around them, including children, to show how special they are. Being superficial means showing off what is ultimately entirely inconsequential.
This can be a good memory (which occurs entirely by chance), or material possessions (which are ultimately meaningless). Many parents might use their child’s social life as a personal booster. It opens up whole new avenues for a narcissistic father to show off what they have, and what they think they are.

5.  Manipulation

Manipulation can take many forms. When a narcissistic father uses it, the most commons forms are:
  • Emotional coercion
  • Unreasonable pressure
  • Reward and punishment – i.e. do what I want or be punished
  • Negative comparisons
  • Shaming
  • Blaming
  • Guilt trips
A particularly common theme for family narcissism is when love becomes conditional. Instead of being something children receive as a matter of course, love is given in return for children acting in a certain way.
Another way to see this is that a narcissistic father will look at love as something to be used as a tool. If his children do what he wants, he will reward them with love. If they don’t do what he wants, he will punish them by withholding his love.

6.  Inflexible and Touchy

Many narcissistic fathers are inflexible when it comes to how they want their children to act and behave. Every parent has to parent their child is they are to grow up properly, of course. But a narcissistic father will go far further than that: they will correct anything which they perceive as wrong.
What is particularly unfortunate is that this inflexibility can manifest in many different ways, making it difficult to combat. One reason for people being inflexible is that it is a way to control children. This tends to work more as the child gets older, and begins to spread their wings.

7.  Lack of Empathy

Because narcissistic fathers don’t see their children as separate from themselves, lack of empathy is a problem. Children have their own thoughts and feelings, and it is important to validate them. When narcissism is involved, however, only the narcissist matters. Nobody else.
Many children, when faced with a lack of empathy, will begin to fight back. They will do this in three distinct ways:
  • Fight back and stand up for themselves and their right to respect for thoughts, feelings, wishes, etc.
  • Distance themselves from the parent in question to get some emotional distance.
  • Creating a new personality which takes on the desired personality traits; these children show narcissistic tendencies themselves.

8.  Dependency/Co-dependency

A narcissistic father may expect that their offspring will be there to take care of them in their old age. This is what is called dependency, and can take a variety of forms. The most common forms are financial, physical, or emotional, with physical often being the most common.
Taking care of aging parents is admirable, but it can be twisted into something unhealthy. Many narcissists can manipulate their children into making unreasonable sacrifices for them, whether personally or financially.
Co-dependency works in something of the same way. The definition of co-dependency is where two people enable each other in bad or actively hurtful actions, such as drug-taking, drinking, or anything else of that nature.

9.  Jealousy & Possessiveness

A key part of narcissism is always having control over your target. A narcissistic father will show jealousy of anything and anyone which shows that their child or children are moving on with their lives.
Romantic partners, in particular, will come in for a lot of trouble. Romantic partners are the people who will have the most influence over a person – this will rival the control of a narcissistic parent.
References:
  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com
  2. https://www.tandfonline.com

 

 
About the Author: Margaret B.
 
Margaret is a freelance writer and tutor. She spends her time reading and writing, hoping to learn why people act the way they do. She is a lifelong fan of both philosophy and fantasy.
 
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publicado por achama às 08:17
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Segunda-feira, 28 / 01 / 19

10 Signs of Toxic Sibling Relationships Most People Think Are Normal ~ Janey Davies.

Has an Alien Signal Been Detected? SETI Research and the First Contact.

By Janey Davies.

January 27th, 2019. 

 
 
toxic sibling relationships
 

 

There’s no law that says we have to get on with our siblings. Thankfully, most of us have pretty good family dynamics. But some people have toxic sibling relationships.

So what’s the difference between say typical sibling rivalries to toxic sibling relationships?
Healthy sibling relationships are compassionate, loving, willing to listen and help. They are non-judgemental and caring. They want the best for their brothers and sisters. That’s why they are happy and pleased when their siblings achieve success. They are independent of their siblings but not distant from them.
Toxic sibling relationships are simply the opposite.

Here are 10 other signs of toxic sibling relationships:

 

1.They are the favourite child

Parents should not have favourite children. But was your sibling always praised and given the best opportunities in your family? Did they get away with murder? Did the rules not apply to them?
Favouritism can lead to narcissistic behaviour. When a child always gets want they want and is never made to feel the consequences of their actions, it gives them a false sense of superiority.

2.They are controlling

Do you feel like you always have to do what your sibling wants to do? If you don’t, they will sulk or get aggressive? In the end, it’s just easier to go with whatever they want?
This is a form of control. Whether it is what friends are suitable for you or the type of college course you should study. If you find that you are not able to make your own decisions without your sibling getting their way, this is a sign of coercive control.

3.You don’t feel you can say ‘no’ to them

This is another form of control, but it also impacts a great deal on your life. Do they get upset if you say no to one of their requests or demands? Do they make you feel guilty for saying no? Finally, do they play on your emotions and try and make you feel bad for not helping them?
This is typical behaviour of a younger sibling that has narcissistic tendencies.

4They manipulate you

People that think and act in a rational and logical way can quite often be deceived and manipulated easily because they just don’t think in that kind of devious way. Someone who is lazy and can’t be bothered to work themselves will use deception to resolve their issues instead.
The problem here is that, of course, families are supposed to help out one another, but not to the point where one person is always benefitting to the detriment of everyone else.

5.They are always right

No one is right all the time. We all have to have an open mind, even if we think we know the truth. But some people that believe that they know what is right and won’t listen to anyone else’s opinion.
This kind of closed mind can be exhausting and inevitably leads to arguments and breakdowns in a relationship. It also invalidates your feelings because you don’t feel as if your opinions and ideas are important or that they matter.

6.They ‘play’ you against your other siblings

Does one sibling constantly gossip or badmouth to you about your other brothers or sisters? Does this undermine your relationships with them? This is one of the worst signs of toxic sibling relationships as this behaviour can cause lasting damage.
They do this to elevate their own position by making their other siblings look bad in your eyes. This is because their own behaviour is not good enough by itself, so they have to trash the reputation of others in order to look better.

7.They dismiss your feelings

We need validation when we are feeling angry, unloved, frightened, anxious or sad. When someone does not take our feelings into account, they are telling us in effect that we don’t matter. We are not important.
Our emotions are what drive us, they are interwoven into every action or behaviour that we take. To have them ignored is extremely detrimental to our psyche.

8.They are constantly criticising you

Not only do toxic siblings like to trash their brothers and sisters to other siblings in the family dynamic, but they also like to make you feel bad about yourself. They do this by constantly criticising you.
They will judge every aspect of your life and find you wanting. Nothing you do will be good enough in their eyes. Their barrage of putdowns will have a cumulative effect until you begin spending less time with them to escape the mental battles.

9.They only ever contact you when they need something

You get friends like this, ones that you only get a phone call or a text when they need money or a shoulder to cry on. And it can be exactly the same with siblings.
Do you go for months without hearing from your sibling and then suddenly out of the blue, you get an email or phone call from them?
It will start off innocently enough, perhaps asking how you are, but then the real reason for the call will soon become apparent. They want something from you.

10.They make threats all the time

Making threats is a toxic behaviour in itself. Well-adjusted people don’t tend to have to make ultimatums in order to get what they want or need in life. If your sibling is constantly making threats, it shows they do not have the mental capacity or the patience to get what they desire in a civilised way.
So how do you deal with toxic sibling relationships? It may be too late to change their behaviour, but you can certainly do something about yours.

How to deal with toxic sibling relationships

Do not engage in bad behaviour, just ignore it. If you engage in it, it may encourage your sibling to carry on.

Surround yourself with positive people

 

Ignore toxic behaviour

It is easy to doubt yourself when you have a toxic sibling. But if you are with positive well-balanced people, you’ll be able to recognise bad behaviour immediately and not put up with it.

Set clear boundaries

Some toxic behaviour is quite intrusive and can take over a person’s life. By setting clear boundaries, you can regain control.

Sever contact if necessary

Finally, there’s no rule that you have to stay in close contact with your sibling. If the situation is really bad and affecting your health, it is best to sever contact.
Do you have a toxic relationship with your sibling that you would like to talk to us about? Let us know in the comments section.
References:
  1. https://www.bustle.com/
  2. https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/

 

About the Author: Janey D.

Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 

 Archives:

 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.

 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 

No religious or political belief is defended here. (Investigate yourself)

 

Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 

If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


More @ http://violetflame.biz.ly and https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 

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publicado por achama às 06:57
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LAR
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