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Domingo, 16 / 02 / 20

7 Signs of Oldest Child Syndrome and How to Get Over It.

 

7 Signs of Oldest Child Syndrome and How to Get Over It.

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 15th, 2020.

 
 

 
 
Being the oldest sibling can be tough. After all, you were the Guinea pig, the one your parents used to learn how to be a parent. I guess that sounds kind of mean but think about it. Unless your parents worked at daycares or one of them babysit other children, when you, the oldest child came along, they were clueless. This started the oldest child syndrome.
 
This issue, although it sounds sad, helps our parents become better at raising you and your siblings.
 
There is a positive and negative side
 
Yes, this issue does have good and bad points since you got all the attention and didn’t have to share toys. But something less attractive may have developed from this place in your family. Being the oldest child sounds like it holds great power, but it can also create problems. So, are you the oldest child?
 
Signs that you have the oldest child syndrome:
 
1. Being an over-achiever
 
Firstborns are often perfectionists. They start to pick up vibes that everyone expects certain things from them. These are just ordinary vibes, but the over-achieving oldest child will put more into the expectations than they should. They want to make you, the parent proud of them and will go to any lengths to do so.
 
This attitude, while strained, can eventually lead to success in their lives. They will excel in their studies and in sports, not stopping until they feel their endeavors lack nothing.
 
2. You get harsher punishments
 
As the oldest child, not only do the parents take more pictures, buy more toys, but they also dish out harsher punishments. Harsher than what, you may ask?
 
The oldest child will endure punishments that years later, younger siblings will not. By the time baby number 2 and 3 arrive, the parents will have grown a bit lenient. It’s so unfair, but that’s just the way it goes, and yes, you have the oldest child syndrome.
 
3. No hand-me-downs
 
Guess what, you might have the syndrome of being the oldest child, but you also have all new clothes too, unless someone outside the family gives you a few things. Otherwise, everything else you wear will be yours first. It will not be until your siblings come along that you will hand these clothes down to them.
 
You feel privileged if you take the time to think about it. Sometimes you may brag a little too much about it.
 
4. Secretly resents the younger siblings
 
The first baby – they always get the first of everything else too. They are cuddled all the time, played with, and get the best bedtime stories. Then suddenly, a new baby arrives, and things start to change.
 
The mother cannot allocate as much time with them as before. She has to dole out the love for two people now. Just wait until there’s a third one. Oh, how the oldest resents the birth of their siblings. The good news is, they usually grow to love them as they get older.
 
5. They’re serious and sometimes solitary
 
The oldest child is serious about most things and also loves to be alone. This is the case before siblings come along and especially afterward. It’s not so much out of anger or depression, it’s just a part of their personality.
 
My oldest son loved being by himself, and only when he entered high school did he make many friends. Maybe he had the oldest child syndrome and maybe not.
 
6. They’re either strong-willed or the opposite
 
The oldest child can have a strong will and be extremely independent. On the other hand, they could also be dependent on everyone, afraid and always trying to please everyone. So, when the second child comes along, the oldest child will either be rebellious or compliant.
 
7. Loves acting as a teacher
 
The oldest child loves the role of teacher to their younger siblings. While it’s good to have an in-house tutor, the oldest child may teach some less-than-savory lessons to his younger sisters or brothers.
 
However, as the older child teaches their siblings different things, when they learn they are wrong, it helps them grow. Too bad it can influence the minds of the younger children.
 
How can the oldest child overcome this syndrome?
 
The way in which your oldest child acts doesn’t have to be a syndrome, but it can. There are positive things that the eldest member of the family can do in order to utilize their child’s abilities.
 
Encourage your oldest child to help with chores without denying playtime. Coax them to learn balance.
 
Make sure you give credit to your child when they have done something good. Since oldest children have perfectionist attitudes, try to notice the little things so they see that yourexpectations are being met in them.
 
Make sure you give privileges. Although your first child will be the one you hover over and try to protect, let them do some things on their own. Set an age where they can do things differently and feel more mature.
 
Don’t forget to spend quality time with each child, especially the oldest. This prevents the eldest child from thinking their time with you has passed.
 
Is it really a syndrome, or just a way of thinking?
 
In reality, I think each child, whether they are oldest, somewhere in the middle, or maybe the youngest of the clan, will have a different set of characteristics. It’s difficult raising children the same. In fact, it’s impossible. You just simply cannot do the same things for the middle of the youngest child, as you’ve done for your oldest child. That’s because, like them, you are growing too – you are growing as a parent.
 
So, if your child is exhibiting signs of oldest child syndrome, don’t be alarmed. Just help them use their quirks and strengths.
 
If you’re an adult still struggling with this, you can still embrace your behavior as your strengths. Adults, take a look at those signs above and ask yourself, “Do I have the oldest child syndrome?” And most importantly, be honest with yourself. Only then can you approach the issue in the right way.
 
So, which child were you? Myself, I am the youngest. I’d love to hear about your place in your familyand your wonderful stories.
 
References:
  1. https://www.everydayhealth.com
  2. https://www.huffpost.com

 
 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

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publicado por achama às 04:23
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Domingo, 26 / 01 / 20

Spectacular Super Snow Moon Phenomenon Not to Miss This February

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 25th, 2020.

 
 

 
The celestial beauty of the heavens wouldn’t be complete without the allure of the Super snow moon in February. You don’t want to miss it!
 
Ever since I was a small child, I would gaze into the heavens in amazement. I would reach up and try to grasp the stars in my hand. Also, I would trace the moon with my finger and yes, I did imagine the craters as little indentions on cheese.
 
 
My imagination was fueled by the beauty of the skies. I even heard the story of the man in the moon. If I looked close enough, I could make out his features. But it would be years before I learned the names of the moons according to the months, including the supermoon coming as 2020’s February full moon.
 
What Is the Super Snow Moon?
 
On February 9, 2020, our full moon will rise and be known by many people as the super snow moon. It will be bright, and illuminate deep snowfall in some areas of the world, hence the name.
 
It will also be at its perigee, meaning it will be larger than usual, this is where the “super” part of the title applies. To me, this special full moon will add warm feelings to this darkened cold and sometimes heavy time of the year.
 
There’s another fascinating fact about the special February moon, as well. Every 19 years, it doesn’t exist. That’s right, after almost two decades of February full moons, both January and March have two full moons and February is void of this magic. It sounds kind of sad, but also extremely interesting. So, every now and then, we won’t see the super snow moon, so we should enjoy its beauty when we can.
 
But on the other hand, we witness a phenomenon called the dark moon, which is just as exciting as it is ominous. The wonders of the world never cease to amaze me.
 
Here’s a secret – not everyone calls the February full moon the super snow moon. No, not at all. This moon has many names, deriving from many areas around the world.
 
For instance, the English call this full moon, the “Wolf Moon”. From long ago both in Medieval England and among Pagans, this moon was called “the storm moon”. So, although the February full moon names have similarities, they are different from region to region. In the U.S., there are numerous names for this supermoon phenomenon.
 
Native American Origins
 
So, I guess you’re wondering why the February 9th full moon is called the super snow moon, aren’t you? Well, that is because according to weather reports and the farmer’s almanac, February receives the most snowfall in the United States. Now you can see the obvious correlation.
 
However, the native Americans had many names for this deep winter moon. These names varied according to the different tribes in the U.S.
 
Many names for the February full moon:
 
1. Wishram of the Pacific Northwest
 
The native people of the Pacific Northwest called the February moon the “Shoulder to shoulder around the Fire moon” because they literally had to sit tightly side by side around the fire to stay warm.
 
2. Cherokee of the Southeast
 
The Cherokee natives considered the full moon of February the “bone moon”. This name came about because of the scarcity of food during the deep winter. Usually, the majority of nutrition came from the marrow of bones or bone broth.
 
3. Lakota of the Southwest
 
The February supermoon was also called the “Moon when the trees crack because of the cold”. Wow! Can you imagine the deep cold that inspires such a name?
 
4. Arapaho in the Mid-West
 
Natives of this area called the February full moon, “Frost sparkling in the sun” because even though February is one of the coldest months in the U.S., the snow which covers many areas seems tosparkle under the moonlight as if it was light from the sun. When observed, this kind of beauty couldn’t possibly be easily forgotten.
 
There are many other notable Native American full moon names such as the “Coyote moon”originating from the Shoshone people’s story about fox and coyote both wanting to be the moon. It’s an interesting and fanciful story. Then there is the Cree who considered the February moon, “the old moon”.
 
The list goes on and on, with most names either representing the frigid cold or the lack of food for the native people. One of the most memorable ones is “the hunger moon” because it represents the simple fact that February was a month when everyone, even though they were starving, remained strong with whatever resources they had available.
 
But, I will say that the super snow moon remains a favorite, simply because it invokes a feeling of power. Now, that’s a much better way to look at this beautiful phenomenon.
 
So, when can you see the February super snow moon?
 
 
As with all the other magnificent full moons each month, the February moon shouldn’t be missed either. The moon will be at its fullest on Sunday, February 9, 2020, at 2:34 a.m. EST.
 
If you live in the U.S., this time or any hour close to this time may be a little late or too early for some. The alternative would be to view the fullest part of the full moon as late as you can on Saturday night.
 
Use these opportunities to get great images of the super snow moon. In fact, each month, don’t miss a capture of the full moon, compare them and notice changes in position, coloration, size, and beauty.
 
It’s been a while since I lay in the grass and stared up into the heavens, but I think I might wrap uptight and lay under the super snow moon for a while, careful not to fall asleep and freeze. After all, I’ve also heard this moon represents changes as well. We’ll see!
 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


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Alternative to YouTube
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

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publicado por achama às 18:59
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Sábado, 25 / 01 / 20

7 Micromanagement Examples in Family, Friend Circles, and the Workplace

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 24th, 2020.

 
 


 
There are so many micromanagement examples because there are so many ways this controlling behavior can be used.

 Micromanaging is basically a form of control, although it can seem a bit more subtle in operation. For example, those who are guilty of micromanaging usually don’t even know they are doing this. They see their hovering or helping as just that, helping someone improve their life. They do this even when no one’s asked them to.

Why is micromanaging wrong?

 This sort of behavior is wrong for several reasons. For one, you cannot control what others do. Although you may succeed in controlling behavior for a while, ultimately, people are going to do what they want.

 Micromanaging doesn’t allow people to learn. Basically, it does things for them or takes away their ideas and exchanges them for what the controller thinks is a better option. Just like these people aren’t always aware of what they do, we aren’t always aware of the signs that someone we know does this either. There are ways to discover the behavior, however.

 What are some micromanagement examples?

 1. You would have done things differently

 Here’s an example of micromanaging: No matter how someone completes a project, you see a different way that, to you, would have been better.

 Not only do you see this in your mind and roll it over in your head, you tell them about it. You tell your coworker, friend, or partner, that there would have been a much better way of cleaning at work or planning a party with friends. It doesn’t matter, because you think you know what’s best.

 2. You have to know everything about everything

 Micromanaging also includes the nasty habit of being aware of absolutely everything.

 For instance, if a mother is a micromanager when her child returns from school, she will want to know every single detail of the child’s day. From the time they got off the bus until the moment they arrived home, all this must be known because this urgency, which a micromanager usually has, can be softened.

 3. Help has become control

 There’s a big difference between being helpful and being controlling. If you want to help someone, whether at work or at home, that’s fine. You can offer solutions and ideas.

 However, if you force someone to do things your way right from the start, you are simply being controlling. There’s no pretty way to say it. For couples, controlling behavior that comes from micromanaging can become extremely fierce.

4. You’re making huge decisions for others

 There are some things that even children need to decide for themselves. One example is when a teen is nearing graduation, and they have to pick a college they wish to attend. If you micromanage, you will push your teenager toward the college that YOU prefer, not the college that pricks their interests.

 Micromanaging in this area can affect the entire course of your child’s life and their dreams. Think about it. What if your child wishes to play a certain sport, and the college you push them to join doesn’t allow them to major in that sport. You could scar your child and make them think much differently about you.

 5. Removing motivation when mistakes are made

 One of the typical examples of micromanagement is when motivation or morale is removed due to a simple mistake. This happens so often in the workplace, for example, when someone makes a small mistake that can easily be fixed.

 A supervisor who micromanages will punish the employee for the small mistake, and not even show them why the mistake was made. This kills morale, and honestly, it can cause more mistakes to be made as well. This is one of the reasons that so many people are fired from their jobs. It can be avoided by eliminating micromanaging.

 6. Mothers are too protective

 Did you know that if you are too protective of your child, even as a toddler, you can sow seeds of dependence on others? That’s right. Micromanaging your child, for instance, on playdates with other children, will teach the child that you will always step in to save them. It will remove responsibility as well.

 Hey, trust me, I know grown men who’ve been protected in this manner and cannot take the blame for anything. Mothers, in order to not be a micromanagement example, you have to let children work through their difficulties just a bit before you and the other parents step in to help and sort things out.

 7. You’re making someone feel inferior

 This example can be used with work relationships, family situations, and even couples. Micromanaging in a way that you are putting yourself on a pedestal not only looks stupid, but it also makes people feel inferior. It trains them to just go along with whatever you say because they are used to doing so.

So when they do have great ideas, you will be the last one to know about, and the last one to celebrate when ideas create something great worthy of a reward.

 In reality, it is just control

 Just face it, you want to control everything so everything cannot control you. It’s fear at its worst. At least that’s one reason why you, the micromanager, do this. So, you know that it must stop in order to live a normal life.

 If this is not you, and you’re dealing with this, always remember your worth, and keep fighting to be heard. Try to show micromanagers what they’re actually doing to you and to themselves, and maybe they will be willing to get better.

 I sure do hope so.


 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com
 
 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 02:00
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Terça-feira, 07 / 01 / 20

I Had an Emotionally Unavailable Mother and Here’s What It Felt Like

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

January 7th, 2020.

 
EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MOTHER.
 

 
 
Want to know what it feels like to be raised by an emotionally unavailable mother? Let me tell you my story.
 
Whenever someone asks me about my mother, I say ‘She died when I was young’. When they reply that they are so sorry, I always say ‘It doesn’t matter, she was an evil cow and I didn’t love her anyway. Most people are shocked.
 
Are you? If you are – why? You didn’t know her. You didn’t know what she was like. What it was like growing up with her. And before you say ‘Well yes that’s all very well, but she was your mother’, so what? Tell me what law or unwritten rule stipulates that I have to love my mother? There is none.
 
You might think it is disrespectful to talk the way I do. But those among you who have experienced an emotionally unavailable mother will understand my point of view. And believe me when I tell you that I tried my very hardest to love her.
 
What Is an Emotionally Unavailable Mother?
 
‘Emotionally unavailable mother’ to me is just a fancy psychological way of saying cold-hearted and unfeeling. But what is the difference between a mother who struggles sometimes to show her love and one that is emotionally unavailable? I can only tell you my story and it may appear cold and matter-of-fact.
 
But what if your mother never cuddled you or told you she loved you? Or actually even spoke to you that much? What if your mother used you as a means to earn money and her own personal housekeeper? How would you feel if she was abusive to your siblings and cold towards you? Perhaps then you might understand a little of how I feel.
 
So let me tell you a few stories about dear old mum. Maybe you’ll get where I’m coming from. Or perhaps you’ll think I’m being a total snowflake and I should just get over myself and stop blaming her for everything.
 
What It Feels Like to Have an Emotionally Unavailable Mother
 
No loving touch
 
I remember being very little, probably around 4 or 5 and craving my mother’s touch. She never touched me ever. Not a hug, a cuddle, nothing.
 
But she did do one thing and that was to come into my and my sisters’ bedrooms after a night out drinking and check we were all in bed. If our bedsheets were tangled, she would straighten them out.
 
This was an opportunity for me to receive a touch from my mother as sometimes if my arm was hanging out of the bed, she would put it back under the sheets. Imagine being this starved of a mother’s touch that you engineer a scenario where she might come into contact with you? And at that young age?
 
No response
 
Again, when I was young, I could write so I guess I was around the age of 5-6, I would leave little notes to my mother. The notes would say things like ‘I love you so much mum’ and ‘You are the best mum in the world’.
 
I would leave these love notes to my mother on her pillow on her bed so she would see them before she went to sleep. She never mentioned them. I would excitably go to bed and look under my pillow to see what she had left for me. After a few weeks, I stopped writing them.
 
Ignored wishes
 
I passed my 12+ which meant I could go to a local grammar school. There were two choices; an all-girls one which had a very posh reputation (not me at all, we lived on a council estate) or a local mixed grammar where all my friends were going.
 
Mother decided I was to attend the all-girls school. Despite my protests, she told me ‘It would look better on my CV later’ when I applied for jobs. Ironically, I wasn’t allowed to carry on and study for A-Levels. I had to work at the factory job she had found for me when I was 16 to help pay the household bills.
 
Can’t confide with your mother
 
I had a very bad time at grammar school. I didn’t know anyone. There were cliques of girls who had known one another from middle school and were quite happy to stay in their own little groups.
 
It got so bad that I ran away twice and went home. Each time my mother took me back to the school, no questions asked. The school did try to help but as far as mother was concerned I was to ‘get on with it’. I contemplated ending it all but got through it.
 
Some years later, mother and I were arguing and she had said she’d always done her best for me. I shouted back that because she’d sent me to that school I’d tried to top myself. I ran upstairs to my bedroom. She followed and for the first time in my life, she put her arm around me. It felt so odd and strange I felt physically sick and had to move away.
 
The Impact of Having a Mother Who Was Emotionally Unavailable
 
So that’s a little of my pity party story. There’s much more but a lot involves other people and that is their story to tell. So how am I affected and what do I do about it?
 
Well, I never wanted children. I don’t have a maternal bone in me. I am shown pictures of babies and I don’t get it. I don’t feel this flush of warmth or emotion. But show me a puppy or an animal in pain or distress and I am weeping like a baby. I think I feel emotionally attached to animals more because they have no voice. They can’t tell you what is wrong. I felt the same way during childhood.
 
I have a cold heart. I always say I have a heart of stone. Nothing touches it. I’ve formed this hard barrier around it so nothing will crack it. This is a survival technique I learned as a child. Don’t let anyone in and you won’t be hurt.
 
A late boyfriend of mine used to say to me ‘You are a hard nut to crack’ and I never knew what he meant but now I do. He also said that I was either clingy of hostile. This is also true. You are either everything to me or you are nothing.
 
As a child, I had an avoidant attachment style. I had spent a long time trying to get my mother’s attention. Having failed I shut down and become ambivalent about her. As an adult, this has transformed into a dismissive-avoidant style where I keep myself to myself. I avoid contact with others and keep emotions at arm’s length.
 
Despite the former tirade, I don’t blame my mother for anything.
 
In fact, I am thankful she had me. It was the 60s, she was out of wedlock and she could easily have not have done so.
 
I remind myself that I am not my mother. I understand the weaknesses of my upbringing and that allows me to cope with life as an adult.
 
Then, I have a tendency to shut myself away from people and have to try hard to socialise. The saying ‘better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’ doesn’t apply to me. If there is a chance of losing love I won’t love in the first place.
 
I know why I have to be the centre of attention when I am in company. It is because I craved it as a child and never got it. Likewise, I like to shock people and see their reaction. This goes directly back to my mother. I would intentionally shock her when I was a teen. Just to try and get something out of her.
 
Final Thoughts
 
I think that we need to remember that emotional neglect from an unavailable mother can be as damaging as abuse and physical neglect. However, understanding how any kind of neglect has affected you is key to moving forward.

 

 
Janey Davies

 

About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

 Archives:

 
 
A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com
 
 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 17:23
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Domingo, 05 / 05 / 19

7 Things a Covert Narcissist Mother Does to Her Children ~ Sherrie.

7 Things a Covert Narcissist Mother Does to Her Children.

By Sherrie.

May 3rd, 2019


 

While most narcissists are men, women can be just as malignant. In fact, the covert narcissist mothers are becoming more common.

Narcissistic females are thought to be rarer than their male counterparts. In fact, 75% of narcissists are male. Recently, however, studies have shown more and more covert narcissists are women. The covert narcissist mother, being one of the most malignant of the group, can cause some of the worst damage as well.

How children are really affected

You would be surprised just how much damage is done to children with covert and dangerous mothers. Yes, I said dangerous because later in life, this upbringing can cause mental health problems and even suicide.
So, what does this type of mother do to her children that’s so heinous? Maybe you will understand the serious nature by delving into the effects of the narcissist.

1. She devalues her children

One thing the covert narcissist type of mother does to her child is devaluation or triangulation. This means she uses one child as a scapegoat and the other as the perfect child.
This creates competition within the mind of the flawed child. This sibling tries desperately to please their mother which is almost impossible. In the meantime, their mother is doting on the golden child and offering praises day after day.
This sort of covert and venomous narcissist mother can leave her imprint way into her child’s adulthood. The effects surface by not being good enough and always comparing themselves to other people.

2. She has two faces

One way the covert style of the narcissistic mother affects the children is by the utilization of two faces. What I mean by two faces is that the mother is loving to her children when presenting them to the outside world, but behind closed doors, she is quite the opposite.
She shows off her children, then punishes them for small things later on. Sometimes she passes her duties as a mother to other people when no one from outside the home is around to see her true actions.

3. Invalidation and gaslighting

One of the most horrible things a mother can do is invalidate the feelings of her childrenand make them feel like they are the crazy ones. This type of mother does negative things and blames the actions of her children as the cause of her negative actions.
She doesn’t validate the feelings of her children as real concerns. This is because the covert narcissistic moods of the mother show no empathy. If something occurs that’s obviously the fault of this mother, she resorts to gaslighting to defend the truths of actions.

4. Her children are parts of her personality

A narcissist’s children are not individuals in her eyes. They are simply a part of her being, created by her, and under her control. She dresses her children in certain ways to represent herself, otherwise, she will have a reputation she does not want.
In public, she brags about her children, but in private she pushes them to be better – she tells them to lose weight or to dress better.. Her children are possessions, or better yet, extensions of herself which must represent her and not an individual person.

5. She competes and crosses boundaries

The covert version of the narcissistic mother will cross strange boundaries with her children. These are boundaries that are extremely disturbing sometimes.
If she has a female child that is developing and maturing physical, the mother will compete with her daughter’s youthful looks. She may try to dress more provocatively than her daughter and even try to steal her boyfriends or seduce them.
She crosses these boundaries because she is aware of her aging and no child of hers will be better than her in any way.

6. Outside possessions are more important than her children

A covert narcissist will always find greater pleasure in providing for herself over the need of her children. For instance, she rather purchase new clothing for herself than for her children, even if they need new school clothing.
She is a selfish person and doesn’t care how her children see her. She will buy them the bare minimum and then again, show her children off to the world in their few new outfits. If you pay attention, you will notice the covert mother has more new clothing than her children.

7. She invades their privacy

A covert and intrusive narcissistic mother will always break boundaries when it comes to her child’s privacy. Yes, you should, as a mother, be able to check up on some of your children’s actions, but not constantly. Sometimes it is best to let them have some privacy and figure out things for themselves.
An unhealthy relationship with your child will turn into unhealthy relationships when they grow older, destroying future relationships and causing others to resent them for their intrusive behavior.

Let’s be honest: Are you a covert narcissistic mother?

Look within and ask yourself, do you fit any of these indicators of being a parent like this? If you relate to any of these things, please try to change as much as possible for the sake of your child’s future. The treatment they receive now will be the foundation of their adult lives.
If you know someone who is a covert narcissistic type of mother, please provide help for their children if you can. Remember, you cannot break boundaries either or the mother will only punish the children for that as well. If anything, get anonymous support or help.
I hope these indicators and words of hope have helped you as well.
References:
  1. https://thoughtcatalog.com
  2. https://blogs.psychcentral.com
 
 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
About the Author: Sherrie

Sherrie is a freelance writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse. She is a mother of three and a lifetime fan of the thought-provoking and questionable aspects of the universe.

COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 

 


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Quinta-feira, 25 / 04 / 19

9 Signs of a Narcissistic Father: Were You Raised by a Narcissist? ~ Margaret B.

7 Wise Audrey Hepburn Quotes That Will Inspire and Motivate You.

By Margaret B.

April 24th, 2019. 



 

Many people have had a narcissistic father. Narcissism is everywhere, unfortunately.

It has been present in the past, and it will be present in the future. It can ruin people’s lives, not least because it can be difficult to see. Narcissistic parents can ruin the entire course of their children’s lives. This article provides some ways in which you can see if you had a narcissistic father.

Do any of the below things sound like your father?

 

1.  He Uses/Lives Through His Child

Parents want their children to succeed, so the saying goes. A narcissistic father will likely want his children to succeed, but not for themselves. No, he will want them to succeed because it will reflect well on himself.
Parents are supposed to raise children so that their thoughts and hopes are protected. Parents are supposed to ensure that their children can live for themselves. A narcissistic father will merely ensure that children live and grow to fulfil his wishes, rather than the child’s own.

2.  Marginalization

Narcissism is a trait which invalidates individuality. People are individuals, but narcissists don’t see that. What they see is an extension of themselves, to do with as they please.
As children grow older, they begin to show their own personalities, likes, and dislikes. This can challenge a narcissistic father, who is used to seeing his children as little miniatures. If this happens, many fathers turn to marginalization of their children in order to tear down their success.
These put-downs come in many forms, but they have one purpose. The purpose is to lower or destroy confidence and self-esteem so that the narcissistic father never needs to feel threatened by their children.

3.  Grandiosity and Superiority

Most, if not all, narcissistic fathers have a greatly inflated sense of themselves. No matter what they do, they feel as if they are the best, and should be at the top of the pile. People around a narcissist are therefore not their own people, but merely another way to assert superiority.
When it comes to a narcissistic father, this can manifest in two ways: either the child is used as a prop, or the child is taught to act in the same way. Thus the parent can use their child to assert their own viewpoint in the matter.

4.  Superficial Image

Being superficial is not entirely the same as being superior. Many a narcissistic father has used those around them, including children, to show how special they are. Being superficial means showing off what is ultimately entirely inconsequential.
This can be a good memory (which occurs entirely by chance), or material possessions (which are ultimately meaningless). Many parents might use their child’s social life as a personal booster. It opens up whole new avenues for a narcissistic father to show off what they have, and what they think they are.

5.  Manipulation

Manipulation can take many forms. When a narcissistic father uses it, the most commons forms are:
  • Emotional coercion
  • Unreasonable pressure
  • Reward and punishment – i.e. do what I want or be punished
  • Negative comparisons
  • Shaming
  • Blaming
  • Guilt trips
A particularly common theme for family narcissism is when love becomes conditional. Instead of being something children receive as a matter of course, love is given in return for children acting in a certain way.
Another way to see this is that a narcissistic father will look at love as something to be used as a tool. If his children do what he wants, he will reward them with love. If they don’t do what he wants, he will punish them by withholding his love.

6.  Inflexible and Touchy

Many narcissistic fathers are inflexible when it comes to how they want their children to act and behave. Every parent has to parent their child is they are to grow up properly, of course. But a narcissistic father will go far further than that: they will correct anything which they perceive as wrong.
What is particularly unfortunate is that this inflexibility can manifest in many different ways, making it difficult to combat. One reason for people being inflexible is that it is a way to control children. This tends to work more as the child gets older, and begins to spread their wings.

7.  Lack of Empathy

Because narcissistic fathers don’t see their children as separate from themselves, lack of empathy is a problem. Children have their own thoughts and feelings, and it is important to validate them. When narcissism is involved, however, only the narcissist matters. Nobody else.
Many children, when faced with a lack of empathy, will begin to fight back. They will do this in three distinct ways:
  • Fight back and stand up for themselves and their right to respect for thoughts, feelings, wishes, etc.
  • Distance themselves from the parent in question to get some emotional distance.
  • Creating a new personality which takes on the desired personality traits; these children show narcissistic tendencies themselves.

8.  Dependency/Co-dependency

A narcissistic father may expect that their offspring will be there to take care of them in their old age. This is what is called dependency, and can take a variety of forms. The most common forms are financial, physical, or emotional, with physical often being the most common.
Taking care of aging parents is admirable, but it can be twisted into something unhealthy. Many narcissists can manipulate their children into making unreasonable sacrifices for them, whether personally or financially.
Co-dependency works in something of the same way. The definition of co-dependency is where two people enable each other in bad or actively hurtful actions, such as drug-taking, drinking, or anything else of that nature.

9.  Jealousy & Possessiveness

A key part of narcissism is always having control over your target. A narcissistic father will show jealousy of anything and anyone which shows that their child or children are moving on with their lives.
Romantic partners, in particular, will come in for a lot of trouble. Romantic partners are the people who will have the most influence over a person – this will rival the control of a narcissistic parent.
References:
  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com
  2. https://www.tandfonline.com

 

 
About the Author: Margaret B.
 
Margaret is a freelance writer and tutor. She spends her time reading and writing, hoping to learn why people act the way they do. She is a lifelong fan of both philosophy and fantasy.
 
COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 


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Terça-feira, 23 / 04 / 19

21 Funny Comebacks to Use When Asked Awkward Personal Questions ~ Janey Davies.

21 Funny Comebacks to Use When Asked Awkward Personal Questions.

By Janey Davies.

April 21, 2019.

 
 
 
 
 

 


 

Have you ever been asked an awkward personal question and wished you’d had a choice of funny comebacks ready to use? Then let me help you!

We get asked personal stuff all the time. It’s when it makes us feel uncomfortable and on the spot that it would be really nice to have a witty response in our back pocket. Having a couple of readymade funny comebacks to bat across the net eases the discomfort.
It puts the ball firmly in the other person’s court. By using a clever response we are alleviating tension and focusing attention away from ourselves. Not to mention that we come out of the situation looking pretty witty. All of a sudden the tables have turned.
So, what kinds of situations are we talking about? There are universal topics that we all find awkward:

Awkard topics we don’t like talking about:

  • Money
  • Family
  • Sexual orientation
  • Weight
  • Having children
  • Getting married
Now let’s get to it. First up, what sort of awkward personal questions are we talking about? Secondly, what can we say that’s not too rude but will get our point across? The point being of course that whatever they have asked is none of their business.

Funny Comebacks When Asked about Money

Some cultures talk about money and how much they earn as a matter of national pride. Others most certainly do not. For example, British people find it hugely distasteful to disclose or even ask a person about their salary. So if you are asked:
“How much money do you make?”
You can reply in any of the following ways:
  • “It depends, are you talking about my drug trafficking ring or the gambling? Oh hang on, did you mean my day job?”
  • “Oh I don’t work, I live off my trust fund/won the lottery, why, do you need to borrow some money?”

Funny Comebacks When Asked about Family

Families, we don’t choose them, we can’t live without them. However, there are certain times during the year when we have to spend time with them. Christmas, Easter, religious festivals, we can’t get away from them.
As with all social gatherings, you get friction. Obviously, each family has its own dynamic and a particular set of problems, but here are a few common scenarios:
“Family is important, why don’t you come home more often?”
  • “Is it? Is that why you decided to have two different ones?”
  • “You do know MacDonald’s/Burger King opens on Christmas Day now?”
There’s also the question of children and siblings in the family.
“Can you babysit your sister’s/brother’s children?”
  • “Sure, if you’re okay with them learning about satanic rituals?”
“Your brother graduated from Harvard last month, what are you doing with your life?”
  • “You mean my degree in fine arts? I’m working in edible paints. When you’ve painted the picture you can eat it afterwards. Banksy is really interested.”

Funny Comebacks When Asked about Sexual Orientation

Why is a person’s sexual orientation anyone’s business but their own? But certain people; for example, relatives, school friends, work colleagues, seem to think they have a right to know. Well, if this is what they ask, here are some examples of witty comebacks you can use:
“You’ve got very short hair, are you a lesbian?”
  • “No, I’m not, but don’t take my word for it, ask your dad.”
  • “Busted, now if you’ll excuse me, I need to buy a pair of nice-looking men’s overalls and Dr. Martens.”
“Are you gay?”
  • “Sorry, I can’t give you a straight answer to that question.”
  • “I am, do you want to join?”
  • “Why, are you worried about that shirt?”

Funny Comebacks When Asked about Weight

I remember going to get some headache tablets from my local chemists and the pharmacist warned me not to buy certain ones as I was pregnant. I wasn’t. Moreover, I told her. You should have seen her face. She looked so guilty.
It was an honest mistake, but I went home and started yoga. Questions about weight can be devastating. Here’s what to say:
“Are you pregnant?”
  • “I’m not, but thanks for assuming someone would have sex with me.”
  • “No, but I am eating for two; me and my inner bitch.”
“You’re too thin for me.”
  • “That’s fine, you’re too thick for me.”
“Are you worried about all your weight gain?”
  • “No, I ate the last person that said a comment like that.”
  • “Okay, my thighs will slow clap you as I walk away.”

Funny Comebacks about Having Children

Bless those elderly relatives who think it is their business to interrogate their sons or daughters about having kids. If you dread visiting your in-laws because of the incessant questioning about when you are going to start having children, read on:
“When are you going to start a family?”
  • “Probably nine months after we’ve conceived them.”
  • “Why, are you offering to pay for them?”
  • “We’re not, we don’t want them to turn out like you.”

Funny Comebacks about When You Are Going to Get Married

This is another situation that people like to stick their noses in and rummage around for answers. A couple that is living together for a long period of time and has not yet proposed? What’s going on? We need answers!! Here is what you can say:
“When are you guys getting married?”
  • “Actually next week. Didn’t you get the invitation?”
  • “The same time as my partner.”

Remember That You Are Not Obliged to Answer Awkward Personal Questions

I hope I’ve given you some funny comebacks to use when people are asking you rude and embarrassing questions. But the main thing to remember if it all gets a little too personal, there’s no law that says you have to answer at all.
You can always say the following:
  • “I’d rather not say.”
  • “I prefer not to say.”
  • “Actually, that’s really none of your business.”
  • “I’m afraid that’s private.”
  • “That’s a personal question.”
  • “In this country, we don’t ask questions about sex/money/salary/etc.”
  • “I don’t feel this is the time or the place for that sort of question.”
However, I have to say, it is really satisifying to deliver a killer punch comeback when someone is deliberately trying to make you feel uncomfortable or nervous.
On that note, why not let us know if you have any funny comebacks you’d like to share!
References:
  1. https://www.redbookmag.com
  2. https://www.theguardian.com
 
 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

About the Author: Janey Davies.

Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 


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Quinta-feira, 14 / 02 / 19

3 Signs of Unhealthy Parental Pressure and How to Deal With It. ~ Francesca F.

3 Signs of Unhealthy Parental Pressure and How to Deal With It.

By Francesca F.

February 11th, 2019. 

 
unhealthy parental pressure.
 
 
 

Everyone feels parental pressure from time to time, but there comes a point when it becomes toxic and detrimental.
Parents are the ones who love and care for us most, and a little parental pressure is natural. They want us to succeed and become the best version of ourselves.


Yet, there are times when parents can be more hurtful than supportive. Some parental pressure is important to help us succeed and instill a strong work ethic as we grow. This makes it quite difficult to quite understand when parental pressure goes from encouraging to damaging.


We assume all that our parents do for us is positive because they are our parents and they love us. This article explores when parental pressure becomes too unhealthy and how we can deal with it effectively. 

1. Lack of self-motivation


The irony of pushing children to succeed is that it creates a paradox where children associate hard work with parental pressure. They then don’t develop a work ethic of their own because they are not working for a goal of their own, they are working to please their parents. 

This is detrimental to children as they age when parents are not there to push them. They lack sustainable motivation through further education and into their careers, reducing the chances of future successes.

Children under excessive parental pressure also become much more complaisant to their parents’ wishes. This replaces autonomous thinking and judgment, affecting their problem-solving capabilities and need for self-reliance. 

Overall, too much parental pressure can remove the child’s ability to look inward to find strength and motivation. This will end up holding them back in their future endeavors. 

2. Failure feels like the end of the world


Children who face unrelenting parental pressure begin to associate their identity strongly with their grades or the sport they play. If this becomes too entrenched in their personality, failing in academics or sport can cause their personality to fail also. 

This leaves children who face too much pressure from parents twice as likely to suffer from mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. 

3. Too good to be true


The worst effect of too much parental pressure is those who appear to be completely happy and successful. These children are actually hiding behind a false front and a fake sense of self. Teens who are forced to succeed throughout school will fail to develop a real sense of who they are as a person.


This will lead to an identity crisis in the future when they have less parental pressure to maintain the façade. 

Without real acceptance of who children are as an individual, they will be hard pushed to accept themselves. As a result, this can lead to a variety of mental health issues and recklessness as young adults. 
How to deal with too much parental pressure

As a child


If you are currently dealing with too much parental pressure at home and want to take the problem head on, it’s time to talk to your parents. Try to remain calm and ask your parents to respect your views at the beginning of the conversation. Parents are much more likely to take on the opinions of their child when the conversation is approached maturely. 

Be clear on your points and know the clear points you want to make, but don’t forget parents need a little reassurance, too. If you need them to back off a little with regard to academics, reassure them you will not allow your grades to slip. If you have an alternative idea for a university course or wish to defer a year, research all of your options and present them with evidence of your alternatives. 

Showing that you are mature enough to understand your own decisions and accept their consequences will garner respect. Thus, you will find your parents will be much more accepting of your views.


Be willing to compromise a little. Allow them to monitor grades or take part in research with you. Ultimately, parents just want to be involved in ensuring the best path for their children. Allowing them to have input will help them feel as though they are helping you along your path. 

As an adult


If you suffered from too much parental pressure as a child and are suffering the effects as an adult, it’s important to understand where it is that you suffer. If your self-esteem has taken a hit, or you’re not entirely sure who you are as an individual, take some time to find things you enjoy. Create successes in finding new things and finding what you’re good at. 

Where your work ethic may be lacking, it is still possible to strengthen it. Practice working alongside rewards to build motivation and concentration. 

Child-parent relationships can be incredibly complicated. It is a careful balance between support and encouragement, both of which can easily slip into babying and pressure. 

Asserting yourself to a parent can seem scary, but it is all part of growing up. Parents are doing their best to raise their children. Sometimes they need a little input from their child to help them parent correctly.
 
References:
  1. https://nationalpost.com/
  2. https://psychcentral.com/

 

 

 

 
 

About the Author: Francesca F.

Francesca is a freelance writer currently studying a degree in Law and Philosophy. She has written for several blogs in a range of subjects across Lifestyle, Relationships and Health and Fitness. Her main pursuits are learning new innovative ways of keeping fit and healthy, as well as broadening her knowledge in as many areas as possible in order to achieve success.
 
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 


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No religious or political belief is defended here. (Investigate yourself)

 

Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 

If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


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Segunda-feira, 11 / 02 / 19

3 Signs of Unhealthy Parental Pressure and How to Deal With It. ~ Francesca F.

3 Signs of Unhealthy Parental Pressure and How to Deal With It.

By Francesca F.

February 11th, 2019. 

 
unhealthy parental pressure.
 
 
 

Everyone feels parental pressure from time to time, but there comes a point when it becomes toxic and detrimental.
Parents are the ones who love and care for us most, and a little parental pressure is natural. They want us to succeed and become the best version of ourselves.


Yet, there are times when parents can be more hurtful than supportive. Some parental pressure is important to help us succeed and instill a strong work ethic as we grow. This makes it quite difficult to quite understand when parental pressure goes from encouraging to damaging.


We assume all that our parents do for us is positive because they are our parents and they love us. This article explores when parental pressure becomes too unhealthy and how we can deal with it effectively. 

1. Lack of self-motivation


The irony of pushing children to succeed is that it creates a paradox where children associate hard work with parental pressure. They then don’t develop a work ethic of their own because they are not working for a goal of their own, they are working to please their parents.

This is detrimental to children as they age when parents are not there to push them. They lack sustainable motivation through further education and into their careers, reducing the chances of future successes.

Children under excessive parental pressure also become much more complaisant to their parents’ wishes. This replaces autonomous thinking and judgment, affecting their problem-solving capabilities and need for self-reliance.

Overall, too much parental pressure can remove the child’s ability to look inward to find strength and motivation. This will end up holding them back in their future endeavors. 

2. Failure feels like the end of the world


Children who face unrelenting parental pressure begin to associate their identity strongly with their grades or the sport they play. If this becomes too entrenched in their personality, failing in academics or sport can cause their personality to fail also.

This leaves children who face too much pressure from parents twice as likely to suffer from mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. 

3. Too good to be true


The worst effect of too much parental pressure is those who appear to be completely happy and successful. These children are actually hiding behind a false front and a fake sense of self. Teens who are forced to succeed throughout school will fail to develop a real sense of who they are as a person.


This will lead to an identity crisis in the future when they have less parental pressure to maintain the façade.

Without real acceptance of who children are as an individual, they will be hard pushed to accept themselves. As a result, this can lead to a variety of mental health issues and recklessness as young adults.
How to deal with too much parental pressure

As a child


If you are currently dealing with too much parental pressure at home and want to take the problem head on, it’s time to talk to your parents. Try to remain calm and ask your parents to respect your views at the beginning of the conversation. Parents are much more likely to take on the opinions of their child when the conversation is approached maturely.

Be clear on your points and know the clear points you want to make, but don’t forget parents need a little reassurance, too. If you need them to back off a little with regard to academics, reassure them you will not allow your grades to slip. If you have an alternative idea for a university course or wish to defer a year, research all of your options and present them with evidence of your alternatives.

Showing that you are mature enough to understand your own decisions and accept their consequences will garner respect. Thus, you will find your parents will be much more accepting of your views.


Be willing to compromise a little. Allow them to monitor grades or take part in research with you. Ultimately, parents just want to be involved in ensuring the best path for their children. Allowing them to have input will help them feel as though they are helping you along your path. 

As an adult


If you suffered from too much parental pressure as a child and are suffering the effects as an adult, it’s important to understand where it is that you suffer. If your self-esteem has taken a hit, or you’re not entirely sure who you are as an individual, take some time to find things you enjoy. Create successes in finding new things and finding what you’re good at.

Where your work ethic may be lacking, it is still possible to strengthen it. Practice working alongside rewards to build motivation and concentration.

Child-parent relationships can be incredibly complicated. It is a careful balance between support and encouragement, both of which can easily slip into babying and pressure.

Asserting yourself to a parent can seem scary, but it is all part of growing up. Parents are doing their best to raise their children. Sometimes they need a little input from their child to help them parent correctly.
 
References:
  1. https://nationalpost.com/
  2. https://psychcentral.com/

 

 

 

 
 

About the Author: Francesca F.

Francesca is a freelance writer currently studying a degree in Law and Philosophy. She has written for several blogs in a range of subjects across Lifestyle, Relationships and Health and Fitness. Her main pursuits are learning new innovative ways of keeping fit and healthy, as well as broadening her knowledge in as many areas as possible in order to achieve success.
 
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

Archives:

 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.

 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 

No religious or political belief is defended here. (Investigate yourself)

 

Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 

If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


More @ http://violetflame.biz.ly and https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/
 

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Segunda-feira, 28 / 01 / 19

10 Signs of Toxic Sibling Relationships Most People Think Are Normal ~ Janey Davies.

Has an Alien Signal Been Detected? SETI Research and the First Contact.

By Janey Davies.

January 27th, 2019. 

 
 
toxic sibling relationships
 

 

There’s no law that says we have to get on with our siblings. Thankfully, most of us have pretty good family dynamics. But some people have toxic sibling relationships.

So what’s the difference between say typical sibling rivalries to toxic sibling relationships?
Healthy sibling relationships are compassionate, loving, willing to listen and help. They are non-judgemental and caring. They want the best for their brothers and sisters. That’s why they are happy and pleased when their siblings achieve success. They are independent of their siblings but not distant from them.
Toxic sibling relationships are simply the opposite.

Here are 10 other signs of toxic sibling relationships:

 

1.They are the favourite child

Parents should not have favourite children. But was your sibling always praised and given the best opportunities in your family? Did they get away with murder? Did the rules not apply to them?
Favouritism can lead to narcissistic behaviour. When a child always gets want they want and is never made to feel the consequences of their actions, it gives them a false sense of superiority.

2.They are controlling

Do you feel like you always have to do what your sibling wants to do? If you don’t, they will sulk or get aggressive? In the end, it’s just easier to go with whatever they want?
This is a form of control. Whether it is what friends are suitable for you or the type of college course you should study. If you find that you are not able to make your own decisions without your sibling getting their way, this is a sign of coercive control.

3.You don’t feel you can say ‘no’ to them

This is another form of control, but it also impacts a great deal on your life. Do they get upset if you say no to one of their requests or demands? Do they make you feel guilty for saying no? Finally, do they play on your emotions and try and make you feel bad for not helping them?
This is typical behaviour of a younger sibling that has narcissistic tendencies.

4They manipulate you

People that think and act in a rational and logical way can quite often be deceived and manipulated easily because they just don’t think in that kind of devious way. Someone who is lazy and can’t be bothered to work themselves will use deception to resolve their issues instead.
The problem here is that, of course, families are supposed to help out one another, but not to the point where one person is always benefitting to the detriment of everyone else.

5.They are always right

No one is right all the time. We all have to have an open mind, even if we think we know the truth. But some people that believe that they know what is right and won’t listen to anyone else’s opinion.
This kind of closed mind can be exhausting and inevitably leads to arguments and breakdowns in a relationship. It also invalidates your feelings because you don’t feel as if your opinions and ideas are important or that they matter.

6.They ‘play’ you against your other siblings

Does one sibling constantly gossip or badmouth to you about your other brothers or sisters? Does this undermine your relationships with them? This is one of the worst signs of toxic sibling relationships as this behaviour can cause lasting damage.
They do this to elevate their own position by making their other siblings look bad in your eyes. This is because their own behaviour is not good enough by itself, so they have to trash the reputation of others in order to look better.

7.They dismiss your feelings

We need validation when we are feeling angry, unloved, frightened, anxious or sad. When someone does not take our feelings into account, they are telling us in effect that we don’t matter. We are not important.
Our emotions are what drive us, they are interwoven into every action or behaviour that we take. To have them ignored is extremely detrimental to our psyche.

8.They are constantly criticising you

Not only do toxic siblings like to trash their brothers and sisters to other siblings in the family dynamic, but they also like to make you feel bad about yourself. They do this by constantly criticising you.
They will judge every aspect of your life and find you wanting. Nothing you do will be good enough in their eyes. Their barrage of putdowns will have a cumulative effect until you begin spending less time with them to escape the mental battles.

9.They only ever contact you when they need something

You get friends like this, ones that you only get a phone call or a text when they need money or a shoulder to cry on. And it can be exactly the same with siblings.
Do you go for months without hearing from your sibling and then suddenly out of the blue, you get an email or phone call from them?
It will start off innocently enough, perhaps asking how you are, but then the real reason for the call will soon become apparent. They want something from you.

10.They make threats all the time

Making threats is a toxic behaviour in itself. Well-adjusted people don’t tend to have to make ultimatums in order to get what they want or need in life. If your sibling is constantly making threats, it shows they do not have the mental capacity or the patience to get what they desire in a civilised way.
So how do you deal with toxic sibling relationships? It may be too late to change their behaviour, but you can certainly do something about yours.

How to deal with toxic sibling relationships

Do not engage in bad behaviour, just ignore it. If you engage in it, it may encourage your sibling to carry on.

Surround yourself with positive people

 

Ignore toxic behaviour

It is easy to doubt yourself when you have a toxic sibling. But if you are with positive well-balanced people, you’ll be able to recognise bad behaviour immediately and not put up with it.

Set clear boundaries

Some toxic behaviour is quite intrusive and can take over a person’s life. By setting clear boundaries, you can regain control.

Sever contact if necessary

Finally, there’s no rule that you have to stay in close contact with your sibling. If the situation is really bad and affecting your health, it is best to sever contact.
Do you have a toxic relationship with your sibling that you would like to talk to us about? Let us know in the comments section.
References:
  1. https://www.bustle.com/
  2. https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/

 

About the Author: Janey D.

Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
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publicado por achama às 06:57
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