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Segunda-feira, 11 / 02 / 19

People-Pleasing: The Hidden Dangers of Always Being “Too Nice” ~ Aletheia Luna

People-Pleasing:

The Hidden Dangers of Always Being “Too Nice”.

By Aletheia Luna

Guest writer for Wake Up World.

February 10th, 2019 

 
 

 

You feel the pressure throb in your veins. A lump rises in your throat as your colleagues watch you closely. They are expecting an answer. They are expecting you to comply. Every fibre of your being wants to scream “NO I CAN’T.” But as if possessed, you automatically smile sweetly and say, “Yes, I’ll do it, thanks for asking.”
WTF is going on here?! Why can’t you just say “no,” and walk away?
If you’re like me, people-pleasing has run havoc in your life. It has crushed your spirit repeatedly. It has robbed you of peace of mind, personal empowerment and the courage to follow your goals and dreams. It has hit you while you’re down and dragged you through the dirt. It might have also contributed to chronic issues in your life such as anxiety disorders, depression, addiction or co-dependency.
So what exactly is people-pleasing … and how can we heal the root cause of it?
16 Habits of People-Pleasing Personality Types
At some point or another, we have all struggled with people-pleasing. After all, as social creatures, we are prone to peer pressure and the desire to fit in. But there is a big difference between the desire for acceptance and people-pleasing. People-pleasing is not just a once-in-a-while foible: it’s a daily struggle.
Here are 16 common habits:
  • You struggle to say “no”
  • You find it hard to be assertive and voice your opinions
  • You’re hyper-vigilant about perceived rejection from others (always on the lookout)
  • You’re an emotophobe (you fear negative emotions)
  • You’re excessively altruistic/philanthropic
  • You often suffer at the expense of doing a favor for others
  • You have a weak sense of self and poor interpersonal boundaries
  • You become emotionally dependent/co-dependent when in relationships/friendships
  • You’re addicted to approval from others
  • You have a neurotic desire to be liked no matter what
  • You feel shattered for days or weeks when someone criticises you
  • You have low self-worth
  • You act based on what “other people think” of you
  • You always put yourself in other’s shoes, but you rarely show compassion towards yourself
  • You blindly believe in other people’s “goodness” even if they are clearly abusive towards you
  • You fear losing control of yourself because you repress so much
It’s also said that people-pleasing can form a bridge to other conditions such as borderline personality disorder and social anxiety disorder.

Why Being “Too Nice” Can Be Dangerous

Obviously there is nothing wrong with being nice. But having the neurotic desire to be nice is dangerous for a number of reasons. Here’s why:

1. You suppress A LOT of emotion

Inevitably, wanting to be loved and needed by others all the time results in suppressing tons of uncomfortable emotions. I’m talking rage, hatred, bitterness, annoyance, grief and stress — anything that is contrary to the altruistic image you crave to portray. You might not be conscious of repressing these types of emotions, but rest assured, it comes with the job description. You can’t give yourself entirely to other people, deny yourself, and expect to feel fine and dandy in the longterm.
Suppression of emotions eventually results in physical or psychological breakdowns. Many chronic mental and physical illnesses are fuelled by the neurotic desire to please others.

2. Extreme pressure to “keep up appearances”

One of the worst things about constantly being nice is the extreme pressure you feel to constantly maintain your self-image. It feels good constantly being on people’s “good” sides. It feels good to avoid negative feelings and get the spotlight for being a saint. But this addiction comes at a price: chronic stress. Often that stress is imperceptible, but it’s always there, always demanding that you keep your mask strapped on even though it might be suffocating you.

3. People use you

When you’re a people-pleaser you open yourself up to abuse. Narcissists, energy vampires, bullies and other types of wounded people are drawn to you like fresh meat. Having weak boundaries, low self-esteem and the insatiable desire to please makes you the perfect “use and abuse” target. And unconsciously, you like feeling needed and wanted, so you unwittingly continue the toxic cycle.
It’s just like what the famous Eurythmics song “Sweet dreams are made of this” says: “Everybody’s looking for something. Some of them want to use you. Some of them want to get used by you. Some of them want to abuse you. Some of them want to be abused …”

4. You have the intense need to be in control

At first, people-pleasing might come across as a selfless act. But people-pleasing is actually a selfish act because you’re trying to control someone else’s reaction towards you by behaving in a certain way.
In fact, people-pleasing is more about the desire to be in control than it is to please other people. Wanting to be liked by others is just a symptom of the desire to be in control because deep down you feel powerless or worthless. This is why people-pleasing is so exhausting — it goes against the flow of life, and takes so much effort to maintain.

5. No one really knows the “true” you

Keeping so much locked inside of you for fear of being disapproved of makes you extremely guarded. In fact, if you’re a people-pleaser you might fear for instance, getting drunk, because all of the secret thoughts and opinions you have might come to the surface. In other words, you’ll no longer be in control of yourself.
When you’re a people-pleaser no one really knows the “true” and authentic you — they only know the facade that you present them with. Unfortunately, this desire to be loved and approved often backfires, making you feel more lonely and disconnected as time goes on. Eventually, you wind up feeling “invisible” and “unseen,” even if you are constantly in the spotlight.

How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

Naturally you might be wondering right now, “What can I do to stop this?”
Let me tell you, there is so much bad advice out there. And the solution to overcoming this addiction (because it is), is NOT pulling the middle finger at everyone.
I don’t condone the “fuck you” approach because it’s immature and reactive.
Instead, I recommend the harder-but-wiser approach of:
I have linked an appropriate article to each of these four points. Click on whatever point you feel that you most need to work on.
As someone who has struggled with a people-pleasing personality (Enneagram 9 INFJ by the way), I know how self-destructive this trait can be. Because of this need to be accepted by others, I have suffered intense periods of anxiety and chronic pain, not to mention tons of repressed emotions for years.
But the first step to overcoming this problem is to shift your focal point from the outside world, to the inside world. Eventually, with time and practice utilizing the points above, you will be able to say sincerely and openly “I am enough unto myself” as I now can.
Any tips or advice that you have about this issue are welcome below.
 
Recommended articles by Aletheia Luna:
About the author:
Aletheia Luna is an influential spiritual writer whose work has changed the lives of thousands of people worldwide. After escaping the religious sect she was raised in, Luna experienced a profound existential crisis that led to her spiritual awakening. As a psychospiritual counselor, tarot reader, and professional writer, Luna’s mission is to help others become conscious of their entrapment and find joy, empowerment, and liberation in any circumstance. See more of her work at lonerwolf.com.
This article How to Authentically Understand the Meaning of Your Dreams (No Fluff Guide) was originally published on lonerwolf.com, reproduced with permission.

 



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If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


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publicado por achama às 15:31
Terça-feira, 05 / 02 / 19

3 Ways to Experience “Dadirri” in Nature ~ Aletheia Luna

3 Ways to Experience “Dadirri” in Nature.

By Aletheia Luna

Guest writer for Wake Up World.

February 5th, 2019 

 
 
.

 

Dadirri. It is inner, deep listening and quiet, still awareness. Dadirri recognizes the deep spring that is inside us. We call on it and it calls to us … When I experience dadirri, I am made whole again. I can sit on the riverbank or walk through the trees; even if someone close to me has passed away, I can find my peace in this silent awareness.
“My people today recognize and experience in this quietness the great Life-Giving spirit, the Father of us all. It is easy for me to experience God’s presence. When I am out hunting, when I am in the bush, among the trees, on a hill or by a billabong; these are the times when I can simply be in God’s presence. My people have been so aware of Nature. It is natural that we will feel close to the Creator.” – Miriam Rose Ungunmerr-Baumann, Aboriginal teacher and artist
Ever since I learned the meaning of the word dadirri in a conversation I was having with an Australian aboriginal friend of mine, I immediately fell in love with its significance. I was teaching him about ‘Pachamama‘ (what we call mother nature in Quechua) and other of my indigenous ways of looking at the world, while he was teaching me about his.
Nature is one of the best healing and teaching environments that has been used by every indigenous culture to reconnect with God, or with the Divine. In a time where we are so materialistically centered, it is unsurprising that we often take for granted a gift that is so freely available.
It’s easy to forget that we don’t own nature, but we are a part of it.

Why We Must Reconnect With Nature

I travel into nature every free opportunity that I have so I can be alone, heal, revitalize and re-energize my powers, to reconnect with my initiation commitments, to converse with natural spirit allies and helpers, to be inspired and to generally fill myself with the connection to “All there is that is sacred”, so that I can come back to my life with more strength, power and balance.
In our densely populated world with its sprawling cities everywhere, it is often difficult to find an accessible place in nature to reconnect with. But in my experience to develop inner balance, and thus survive as a species, we must change our relationship with nature, reconnect with it and redefine our place within it.
Modern science is agreeing more and more with the notion that our dissociation from nature is extremely harmful to our psyche and to our individual and collective development. Bill Plotkin, an eco-psychologist who has worked with people in the wild for over 20 years, writes in his book Nature and The Human Soul:
… healthy human development requires a constant balancing of the influences and demands of both nature and culture … By suppressing the nature dimension of human development … industrial growth society engenders an immature citizenry unable to imagine a life beyond consumerism and soul-suppressing jobs.
There are three main reasons why I see we should immerse ourselves more into nature:
1. Artificial Lives: Most of our days are spent in artificial environments that have no living energy or ‘spirit’. We work and live in buildings made from bricks, and rooms illuminated by artificial lighting, we stare at artificial screens 5 to 6 hours of our waking time, and are surrounded by artificial noises and sounds from messages, emails, calls, apps and video games. This results in an over-stimulated mind and under-stimulated senses, all of which disconnect us from ourselves.
2. Reflects Our Souls: Our soul is that wild energy that vibrates in all that is living. When we are in nature, we are instinctively able to connect with these deeper aspects of ourselves, to explore our natural selves, and to find peacefulness and wisdom through inner-balance.
3. Species Survival: Unless we learn to reconnect with the natural world, respect her laws and appreciate the air we breath, the food we eat, the water we drink thanks to her, our survival as a species is doubtful. The way we treat nature serves as a great reflection on our level of conscious development. If we destroy nature, we suffer much more than she does. We as a species depend on her; she doesn’t depend on us. Eventually, with enough time she can heal any wounds we inflict on her, but we can never heal our own species’ extinction.

3 Ways We Can Reconnect With Nature

My experience has taught me that trying to make someone environmentally aware is just as ineffective as trying to make someone animal cruelty aware.
The whole PETA approach of “Meat is Murder” to shock and enrage publicity, and the guilt tripping approach of: “You’re no better than a mass murderer! Your eating habits are revolting and evil!! Join us!” portrays vegans and vegetarians as being subverts, accusers, haters, which often does nothing but repel and scare many people away from even considering a change in their eating habits.
So, instead of following the demands to “take care of nature”, why don’t we take the time to immerse ourselves in the natural world and experience all the physical and mental benefits it can provide us? It is hard to take care of something you have developed no respect for.
These are some of the suggestions I offer our students to help them reconnect with nature:
1. Educated awareness: We live in an age where being environmentally friendly is associated with being a hippy, hipster, tree-hugger or eco-freak. Caring for the environment is somehow thought of as being stupid or uncool. Mostly this comes from the lack of education we provide to teach children and adults of the many benefits they can experience from immersing themselves in the wilderness. The first step is to develop a vibrant knowledge and understanding of the subject.
2. Become an exhibitionist: We often think of nature as a one-sided relationship, or in other words: that we simply go into nature to look at it. But have you ever thought that Nature also experiences you? ‘Pachamama’ as we call her, is very aware of the presence and energy that you bring into her environment. A fun exercise to try is going into nature with a piece of paper and pencil; sitting down, closing your eyes for however long you wish, and concentrating on your breathing, imagining that Mother Nature is watching you all around. Once you’re done, open your eyes and write down your experience, the thoughts that popped into your head and the feelings. You’ll be surprised what she can inspire in you.
3. Experience nature with intent: A good way to practice dadirri is going to a park or nature walk, and experience nature with intent. To do this, dedicate the first five minutes of your walk to noting all the sounds you hear. You then dedicate the next five minutes to experiencing or feeling the sensations produced by the wind, warmth of the sun, coolness of the rain, or even by extending your hand so you can touch the trees as you walk by. The next five minutes try to notice all the trees and plants, as well as all the wildlife you can find. And finally, the last few minutes can be dedicated to becoming aware of your connection with the earth, by experiencing how your feet firmly touch the ground with every step.
Intuitively, we all know the value of nature. When we imagine a calm and relaxing place, a place to escape from the business of the modern world, for example, most of us imagine a sanctuary in nature. I hope this article helps you get back in touch with our oldest friend.
Recommended articles by Aletheia Luna:
About the author:
Aletheia Luna is an influential spiritual writer whose work has changed the lives of thousands of people worldwide. After escaping the religious sect she was raised in, Luna experienced a profound existential crisis that led to her spiritual awakening. As a psychospiritual counselor, tarot reader, and professional writer, Luna’s mission is to help others become conscious of their entrapment and find joy, empowerment, and liberation in any circumstance. See more of her work at lonerwolf.com.
This article How to Authentically Understand the Meaning of Your Dreams (No Fluff Guide) was originally published on lonerwolf.com, reproduced with permission.

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 

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Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.

 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 

No religious or political belief is defended here. (Investigate yourself)

 

Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 

If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 


More @ http://violetflame.biz.ly and 
https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/




 

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publicado por achama às 18:53
A Luz está a revelar a Verdade, e esta libertar-nos-á! -Só é real o AMOR Incondicional. -Quando o Amor superar o amor pelo poder, o mundo conhecerá a Paz; Jimi Hendrix. -Somos almas a ter uma experiência humana!

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