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Sábado, 11 / 01 / 20

Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness and How to Do It

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

January 10, 2020

 



 

 
I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all been wronged in some way. Whether it’s a nasty break-up, betrayal by a friend, or an old school bully, once we hold a grudge against them, it’s hard to let go. Letting go of grudges is good for our health, but it’s hard to do.
 
We say we’ve forgiven, but we don’t forget. Sometimes, a grudge can last a lifetime. It’s time to start letting go of the grudges we hold and start fresh with a healthier new outlook.
 
 
We hold grudges for a whole host of reasons. Psychologists have suggested that we use grudges to define ourselves and excuse our bad behavior. We write off our coldness, mistrust and sometimes plain rudeness, as the result of past hurt.
 
Some suggest that we are holding grudges as a subconscious way to get sympathy and extra kindnessthat we didn’t get initially. This is especially true with victims of school-aged bullies. At the time, there was little support for the hardship. As an adult, if we tell our stories, others will feel bad for us. We hold onto our grudges towards these bullies, so we can keep re-telling the story.
 
While those reasons might require more intensive thought, some other reasons can be more superficial. We might consider holding a grudge to be a form of revenge. Never letting go of the grudge means never letting the offender get away with their crimes.
 
The reality is, those who wronged you probably aren’t even aware of your reserved hostility, or even worse, they don’t care. Instead of holding onto this pain, perhaps it’s time to work on letting go of these grudges.
 
Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness
 
They Serve No Purpose
 
If psychologists are correct in their theories on holding grudges, then we can see that the reasons are never beneficial. Holding onto the anger or pain won’t help us to heal from the hurt. It won’t undo the damage done in the past.
 
Grudges won’t serve as a kind of revenge. Even if the offender is begging for forgiveness, there is no benefit to YOU by never letting go of the grudge.
 
They’re Bad for Your Health
 
A number of studies have shown that holding onto grudges can cause a serious decline in health. Having a grudge to carry with you means you’re repeatedly becoming angry every time the memory comes to your mind. We certainly all know by now that anger has a negative effect on our health. Constantly recurring anger is dangerous.
 
Anger, and in turn holding grudges, can lead to increases in heart rate and blood pressure. When we’re angered, our body’s stress response is triggered, leading to a whole host of unhealthy chemical reactions inside us. If you want to keep your body healthy and safe, you’d better start letting go of some grudges.
 
They Consume Us
 
Grudges are just pain that we carry with us everywhere. As well as the toll they take on our psychical body, they also have negative impacts on our mental health too. Negative thoughts take over from positive ones usually. They consume more of our time and fill our minds with a negative voice.
 
Overthinking the causes, possible solutions, and the revenge you crave will make it harder for your brain to function. Your usually clear thinking will be swallowed whole by the anger and frustration you let ruminate in your mind all day.
 
Not letting go of your grudges will lead to anger, mistrust, and resentment leaking out into your current life. Your personal relationships will suffer. Your career will suffer. Progression can only happen when you untie yourself from the past.
 
How to Start Letting Go of Grudges
 
Take Charge of Your Needs
 
Instead of letting the hurt swirl around your mind all day and night, try going after what you really need to solve this problem. Depending on the length of your grudge and the situation you’re in, talking it out might not be an option.
 
Instead, try talking to yourself. If you can’t get closure, then you have to close the door yourself. This might be easier said than done, but it is possible. Remind yourself of what you’re losing by being angry so often. Notice how little you’re gaining.
 
If you are in a position to talk to the person who hurt you, then do. Be confident in yourself and your needs. Sometimes, you need closure for your wellbeing.
 
Tell this person how hurt you were by what they did and explain that it’s still chipping away at you. If they respond in kind, open up a dialogue. If they don’t, know your pain and this person were never worth it. Let go of this grudge.
 
Embrace Your Mental Strength
 
You can’t change the past. You can’t make the person who hurt you feel guilty. You can, however, change your own thinking. It’s time to get in touch with your own thoughts and slow them down when you feel angry.
 
Remember that your brain was able to create this pain, so it’s able to let it go too. Letting go of grudges is entirely down to you. It’s not going to be easy but letting go can be a choice. You can choose not to hate, or feel anger, anymore.
 
When the frustrated thoughts occur to you, breathe them out. Remind yourself that this person has no power, only you do. No more letting this person win, especially if they’re already out of your life.
 
Distract yourself when these thoughts occur and forbid yourself from dwelling on them. No more obsessing, no more giving any of your precious time to this person who did you wrong.
 
See It from Their Side
 
It might be tough, even painful to do, but sometimes it can be helpful to put yourself in their shoes. Understand what happened in the beginning from a neutral point of view and wonder about how you would have reacted from their side.
 
Remember, we have all done wrong in our lives. We’ve all caused hurt in some way, it’s almost guaranteed. We are flawed, and that’s okay. Don’t place yourself on such a high pedestal that you can never forgive others’ mistakes.
 
It’s also important to understand that a person rarely has malicious intentions when they hurt us, they just acted thoughtlessly or inconsiderately towards our feelings. Rarely are our offenders genuinely evil. Their behavior may have been wrong but trying to connect with the reasons behind their actions might help you find solace.
 
Find the Root Cause
 
Most of the time, when we’re having trouble letting go of a grudge, there’s a deeper cause that we’re missing. This pain we carry tends to reflect a deep value that we hold that has been violated.
 
It can be beneficial to learn why this matter hurts you so much. Once you understand what fundamental moral of yours has been violated, you can start letting go of this grudge. Deep dive into why this moral is so important.
 
Most importantly, if you feel that something essential to you has been violated, then you know this person doesn’t belong in your life or mind. They don’t deserve your thoughts, because, in the end, their choices do not line up with your beliefs and values.
 
Letting go of grudges can be hard, but holding on is dangerous. Allow yourself to release the past. Be optimistic about your future, without bearing the weight of an ancient grudge. You’ll be surprised to see just how prosperous you can be when your mind is free from the torture that is on-going anger.
 
 

References:
  1. https://www.usnews.com
  2. https://journals.sagepub.com
  3. https://www.psychologytoday.com
 

 Becky Storey
 

 



 

About the Author: Becky Storey
 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com

 
 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 08:53
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Terça-feira, 07 / 01 / 20

8 Toxic Mental Habits That Mess Up Your Life without You Even Knowing

Lauren Edwards-Fowle.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 7th, 2020.

 


 
Mental habits are often established over time. Thus, you often don’t even know that you have these habits and how they can mess up your life without you realizing that.
 
Here are some of the key mental habits that harm your life – and what to do about them!
 
1. Listening to self-doubt
 
Your inner critic is not a nice person; they never are. Whilst we all experience self-doubt at times, allowing yourself to be constantly in a battle with your psyche is one of the worst habits for your mental health.
 
Giving airtime to your self-doubt reinforces those feelings and can make you second-guess and question yourself constantly. This saps your ability to progress, move forward and succeed. You can become locked in a circular battle of wills – with yourself.
 
To combat this, try making a list of things you like about yourself. Reinforce your appreciation of your skills, achievements, and successes. Every time you experience self-doubt, remind yourself of every reason you have to believe in yourself and use them to eliminate the self-doubt that is holding you back.
 
2. Seeking constant approval
 
Doing things for the approval of others is another one of the terrible habits we can fall foul of and can mess up your life and mental health significantly. Paying attention to what other people expect from you means side-lining your dreams and wishes. It often results in going down pathways which were never right for you.
 
Remember that you cannot control other people. The only thing you do have control over is yourself. By trying to gauge your actions based on being rewarded with approval is likely to make you second-guess your choices.
 
Even the words you choose can be affected by seeking constant approval! Try to remember that for all the time you are trying to cater to the expectations of people around you, you are forgetting your own. Be clear with yourself about what you want, and then pursue it for all you are worth.
 
3. Being dramatic
 
It is easy to exaggerate from time to time, particularly if you feel frustrated or excited about something! However, this mental habit can mean you lose the respect of your friends who are less likely to take you seriously when something big does happen.
 
Do people tend to roll their eyes when you start telling a story? You probably have one of these mental habits. If you tend to suffer from anxiety or stress when considering the future, you may be focusing on every worst possible scenario, rather then concentrating on the positives.
 
Try using positive mantras to pinpoint your focus on all the possible things that might go right, instead of being dramatic about all the things that could potentially go wrong.
 
The sky isn’t falling and, if you don’t keep expecting it to, it never will.
 
4. Worrying about things outside of your control
 
Worry is one of those mental habits that can be hard to break. Everybody will have genuine things to worry about from time to time, but allowing them to become the norm is a bad mental habit.
 
Suffering from anxiety and overthinking can mess up your life by having a constant negative affect. What other people think is not something you can control, and creating stress around something like this is bad for your mental health and relationships.
 
Try sharpening your attention on those things you can control; your actions, behavior and the language you use to talk with yourself. Once you have a firm grasp of those factors you can influence, the ones you cannot become less of an issue.
 
5. Feeling guilty
 
Another emotion that we all experience now and then, guilt can become a mental habit that is ingrained in your personality. Guilt does not change anything that has happened but allows negative problems and thoughts to weigh heavily on your mind.
 
If you have a good reason to feel guilty, try making amends and apologizing to those you have hurt. Once you have made all the reparations you can, it is time to move on.
6. Keeping score
 
A common and very dangerous one of the common mental habits in the modern age is keeping score. Often this stems from social media and a desire to perform, achieve, and appear to be ‘more’ than other people.
 
Numbers are not indicative of anything other than their size. They also do not grasp qualitative criteria that have no bearing on a score. Being happy is not something that can be reflected in a number, and nor is being at peace with yourself.
 
Let the numbers go – they are not all that important.
 
7. Making yourself responsible for others
 
Making yourself responsible for others is a mental habit that can cause a tide of negativity. When you take responsibility for things that other people do, you create a burden on your shoulders that you cannot influence, since these things are outside of your control.
 
Remember what you are responsible for, and take ownership of that instead.
 
8. Carrying a grudge
 
Forgiveness can be very hard, especially when someone has upset or hurt you. However, carrying a grudge causes you more damage than it does to the other person and does not allow you to move on from the situation.
 
You do not necessarily need to forget, but to forgive is a powerful tool as it allows you to mentally move away from whatever has happened. Forgive someone, even if it is difficult; your subconscious will thank you for it.
 
 
References:
  1. Lifehack.org
  2. Psychology Today

 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 
 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com
 
 
 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 17:20
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Sexta-feira, 03 / 01 / 20

How to Stop Complaining All the Time with 4 No-Nonsense Strategies

Lauren Edwards-Fowle.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 3rd, 2020.

 

 
 
We are all guilty of complaining. Busy schedules, bad weather and stress mount up and cause us to lose sight of the positives around us. Focusing on the negatives, and compounding this by complaining only worsens our mood and outlook. The more we complain, the more problems we perceive. Knowing that it is healthy to have a positive mindset, and knowing how to stop complaining are unfortunately somewhat mutually exclusive!
 
Here are some strategies that can help you to stop complaining, and start living a happier and healthier life:
 
Manage your expectations
 
Often we complain because something hasn’t met with our expectations. We feel inconvenienced and disappointed, and express this through complaining.
 
In order to learn how to stop complaining, we need to rephrase what we expect from a situation to avoid becoming disenchanted with a scenario that we should have been anticipating all along.
Let’s look at an example:
 
You have a meeting. You arrive in good time and wait in reception. Half an hour later, you are still waiting. This is frustrating and you feel unappreciated. Why should you make the effort to make sure you are there in plenty of time, just to be left waiting?
 
Now you are annoyed, and decide to stand up for yourself by complaining. The meeting starts with a negative undertone, and you find it difficult to engage in a positive way. You are left in a bad mood for the remainder of the day, and resent any suggestion that a further meeting might be requested in the future.
How to rephrase:
 
Let’s take a minute here. Could there be a very good reason that you were left waiting? Perhaps there was an emergency situation that had to be dealt with, and unfortunately, impacted your appointment?
 
There are very often times when we are required to wait. This could be in advance of a meeting, prior to an appointment, or even in a queue whilst shopping. Realistically, you could have anticipated the potential that you would have had some time to spare.
 
Rather than letting the situation frustrate you, and damage your perspective for the rest of the day, why not try and prepare for inconveniences?
 
Pack a good book into your bag as a great way to make the most of any spare time that comes your way! Falling behind with replying to emails, or have forgotten to call your parents in a few days? Use this time to catch up on other obligations and put the extra time to positive use and be able to tick something off of your To-Do list!
 
Using a little foresight to prepare for circumstances outside of our control gives us ownership. If you know your commute is likely to be long, download a few great podcasts to make your journey enjoyable. I’d guarantee that you would have a better evening having enjoyed the trip home rather than arriving through the door complaining about the traffic.
 
 
Every second counts; use them wisely!
 
Take time for gratitude
 
In the course of a busy day, there are lots of things which happen which we can express gratitude for. Busy schedules and pressures of life can mean we don’t ever stop to acknowledge them.
 
If you have the unfortunate habit of complaining, taking time to stop and reflect on all those things you are taking for granted is a powerful tool.
 
Try keeping a gratitude journal, where each day you write down one thing that you are grateful for. It could be a message from a loved one. You might be grateful for a sunny day. Perhaps you enjoyed a nice lunch, or are grateful for the clothes you have to wear. Living in a safe and dry home is something most of us are fortunate to experience but forget is not a given for everybody.
 
Once you start to focus on those positive aspects of your day, it helps illuminate your level of thinking to rise above things that might normally cause you to complain.
 
There are many things to be grateful for; it is never a bad day to stop and smell the flowers!
 
Avoid mutual dissatisfaction as a social tool
 
In social interactions, we all try to find common ground. This is a perfect way to strike up a conversation, break the ice, and get to know a little more about somebody.
 
The difficulty is that one of the easiest ways to establish something in common is to find something we both dislike. How many conversations have you experienced that start with complaining about the weather, or about how bad the traffic was today? I’d be willing to bet it is rather a lot.
 
One great way to stop complaining is to position yourself in a place where the negatives are always considered the lowest priority.
 
If you are going somewhere to meet new people, try having a few icebreakers in your back pocket; and make sure none of them are complaints! Here are a few ideas:
  • I really enjoy meeting new people, how about you?
  • May I ask a little more about what brings you here today?
  • These events are always great fun, have you been here before?
  • I’m really looking forward to the weekend with my family; do you have anything planned?
 
Complain in a constructive way
 
Complaining for the sake of expressing yourself is sometimes cathartic. However, it can be more positive and constructive to find a solution for the problem at hand.
 
If you are feeling frustrated and really need to vent, thinking about what actions you can take to avoid such a complaint recurring is a useful way both to take control of the situation and to find a positive solution.
 
Here are some thought process adjustments you can make:
 
Complaint: I’m so annoyed I can’t believe I didn’t get there on time!
 
Constructive complaint: I am frustrated with myself to have been running late. Next time I will set myself an alarm to leave 15 minutes earlier to allow for the traffic, which I know is usually bad this time of day.
 
Complaint: I won’t be coming here again; the service is far too slow!
 
Constructive complaint: I was disappointed with the service and will let my server know. I will ask if there is a reason that service today is not at the usual standard and will listen to the answer I receive.
 
Complaint: This queue is ridiculously long; I’ve wasted so much time!
 
Constructive complaint: Next time I need to visit this store, I will come at a quieter time of day to avoid the long queues.
 
 
References:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 
 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com
 
 
 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 
 
tags: , , , , , ,
publicado por achama às 07:51
link do post | comentar | favorito
Quinta-feira, 02 / 01 / 20

5 Negative Thought Patterns and How to Challenge Them

By Valerie Soleil.

learning-mind.com.

Posted January 1st, 2020. 

 

 

 
They say that happiness is a state of mind – but what if your mind is your own worst enemy? Sometimes it can feel like our own brain is turning against us, assailing us with negative thought patterns that impede us from living a full and fulfilling life.
 
What Are Negative Thought Patterns?
 
These are thoughts and emotional reactions that feel almost automatic, as though your mind were drip-feeding your brain negative information. It can seem like you have no control over your own thoughts. Or like a leaky tap, which you can’t shut off, is continuously dripping negativity into your brain. This negativity that continually filters into your self-identity is hard to fight if you don’t have the right tools.
 
However, there are ways to train your mind out of these automatic negative thought patterns. Rebuilding your relationship with your own mind can empower you to own your worth and your power, helping you to manifest the life that you actually deserve.
 
But how? Below are five negative thought patterns, and the weapons you can arm yourself with to challenge them.
 
1. ‘I can’t’ or ‘I’m not good enough’
 
You always expect yourself to fail, whether it’s something new you’re trying or a task you’ve accomplished time and time again. As soon as you intend to start something, from an academic assignment to a new sport or a new project, your thought pattern tap drips into your brain.
 
It reminds you that you are useless, incompetent and generally incapable. Any motivation you once had is a thing of the past. You begin to feel deflated and unable to face the task.
 
This negative thought pattern is also connected with Imposter Syndrome, wherein you believe you’re incapable of performing the job others think you’re good at.
 
Challenge:
 
Fix this leak by reminding yourself of everything you HAVE accomplished. Grab a piece of paper and divide it into three sections. They each represent three phases of your life up to this point; you can label them as you wish.
 
In each section, list ALL of the things you accomplished during that phase in your life. Anything from cooking your first meal, doing well in school or sports, finishing a book, overcoming hardship, being a good friend, getting a job, decorating your room or house, picking up a new skill.
 
Next, condense this list into a new list of those things which made you feel most accomplished.
 
 
When this negative thought pattern comes back to haunt you, challenge it by re-reading both of these lists and re-living the feeling of accomplishment that accompanied each activity. This engages the rational part of your brain, presenting evidence that undermines your automatic thoughts.
 
Extra: keep a daily or weekly Accomplishment Journal in which you write a list of your accomplishments.
 
2. ‘Something terrible is going to happen’ or ‘Nothing good ever happens to me’ (Catastrophic Thinking)
 
You’re continually convinced something awful is going to happen to you, and that only terrible events take place in your life. It’s one of those negative thought patterns that are a tough nut to crack because, in many ways, it’s self-reinforcing. The more you let it control you, the more blinkered your perspective on life becomes.
 
You eventually notice, focus on and remember only the negative things that happen to you. You’ll obsess over all the instances when someone let you down; you had problems at work, didn’t succeed or failed to meet your goals. Even the small things like choosing the longest line at checkout or getting stopped at all the traffic lights will add to this negative picture of your life.
 
Your mind will gloss over, ignore and forget all the positive things. The times when there wasn’t a queue, when you hit all the green lights, when your hopes and expectations were exceeded, someone showed up for you, or you succeeded and met your goals.
Challenge:
 
Plug this leak by writing two lists. One list of everything in your life you are grateful for, that was entirely out of your control. That time the weather was perfect on your day off, or when you took a wrong turn and ended up somewhere beautiful, or a chance meeting that led to something wonderful.
 
Write another list of everything you are grateful for that was under your control (graduating, fitness, travelling, making connections).
 
 
Whenever this negative thought pattern overwhelms you with pessimism about your life, re-read your lists of gratitude. Remind yourself of everything you have been given, and everything you have provided for yourself. Using this evidence, challenge the notion that only bad things happen with concrete proof of every time something beautiful happened!
 
Extra: keep a daily or weekly Gratitude Journal in which you record all the good that is happening around you.
 
3. ‘I’m a burden on my loved ones’ and ‘No one actually loves me’
 
You feel that everyone in your life merely puts up with you. You have nothing to offer them – in fact, you’re probably burdensome and irritating to them. They hang out with you because they pity you, not because they actually like or love you.
 
This negative thought pattern can extend from colleagues and acquaintances to friends and family, Generally, it drips in whenever you feel a surge of affection for someone or feel very alone. It convinces you that you are unlovable and that others would be better off without you.
 
Challenge:
 
Sort out this leaky tap by writing three lists. One list of times people have been grateful to you, a list of what others have done for you, and compliments or good wishes you’ve received. It might take some digging, as your mind will resist the notion that any of the above actually happens. Sit through the struggle and write down anything you think of before your ego jumps in. Once you’ve written something down, don’t erase it!
 
Every time this negative thought pattern jumps the queue, challenge it by looking at this list and reminding yourself that you do bring positivity to the lives of those around you. The fact that they care about you is translated into gratefulness, actions on your behalf and positive sentiments regarding you.
 
This negative way of thinking prevents you from fully receiving the love, and gratitude others offer you. By challenging this negative thought pattern with evidence of the esteem and love that others have for you, you show yourself the truth: you are loved and valued.
 
 
Extra: keep a daily or weekly Receiving Journal in which you list all the gratefulness, compliments, positive sentiments and acts of service others offer you.
 
4. ‘The world wants to hurt me’ and ‘It’s not safe for me out there’
 
We are biologically programmed to pay close attention to the negative parts of our life since our survival is dependant on our emotional and physical wellbeing. However, a mind in the constant grip of fear detects threats quickly and everywhere, without necessarily differentiating between real or imaginary threats.
 
A speciality of the human brain is also to think in terms of emotional risks and emotional safety. While we may not be imminently eaten or killed, our brain perceives that certain people or circumstances are emotionally unsafe.
 
Those of us who struggle with anxiety have a mind that has become hardwired to recognise physical and emotional perils everywhere, which trigger a fight or flight response. This generally leads to feelings of victimisation and a desire to isolate ourselves from this unsafe world to avoid its many threats.
Challenge:
 
This negative thought pattern requires a two-fold response. Physically, we need to turn off the fight-or-flight response by re-centring our breathing. Make sure you’re breathing through your stomach, not your chest, and spend 2-5 minutes inhaling and exhaling deeply.
 
Using mindfulness, you can also centre your mind so it’s not panicking wildly about future threats. Still focussing on your breathing, list five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can smell and two things you can feel.
 
 
Emotionally, we need to to show our mind the evidence that the perceived threat is imaginary or not as significant is it thinks. The first step is to identify the source of our fear: what is making me feel unsafe?
 
Secondly, we can dismantle it, as objectively and compassionately as possible, to reveal the truth: it’s nothing more than we can handle. Write a list of every time you have previously faced this threat or something similar. This will challenge your mind to rationalise its reaction to the perceived menace.
 
If you are regularly overcome with a generalised fear of everything, the essential step is mindful breathing. Recall your mind to the present situation in which you are safe. Once your body is under your control, it’s easier to re-negotiate a positive thought loop with your mind.
 
5. ‘I don’t deserve anything (good)’ and ‘I’m ugly on the inside’
 
This is another tough one. Whenever something good happens to you, be it a promotion, winning a competition or requited love, your leaky thought pattern tap kicks off again. It persuades you that the good things coming your way are more than you deserve and if the world truly knew you, it would give you nothing.
 
Patterns like this one are the pillars of the negative thought process cycle. It robs you of your very right to own your worth, power and talent and receive the love that comes your way. It’s also linked to Imposter Syndrome, in that it convinces you that you are underserving of your place in the world. Everything good that comes your way must be based on an illusion.
Challenge:
 
Whenever this negative thought pattern drips in, write down what it is you are undeserving of. Then, force yourself to write down at least three reasons why you DO deserve it. This might feel forced, dishonest and borderline arrogant.
 
 
However, if you can write down at least three and then read them out loud to yourself until they feel natural, the whole process will become more comfortable. You’ll eventually come to believe yourself when you tell yourself why you deserve good things.
 
 
References:
  1. Dr. Mathieson, A., Clinical Psychologist, personal conversation
  2. Stanny, B., Sacred Success: A Course in Financial Miracles (2014)
  3. https://psychcentral.com


 Valerie Soleil


 


 
About the Author: Valerie Soleil
Valerie Soleil is a writer with over 5 years of experience and holds a bachelor degree in law and a B.A. in Psychology. She is a physical & mental health enthusiast who constantly expands her knowledge about the mysteries of the human body and mind. Some of the activities Valerie is particularly passionate about are traveling and reading because they help her broaden her horizons.
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 

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A Trusty with Privacy Search 
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 
 

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Segunda-feira, 30 / 12 / 19

3 Most Common Negative Feelings and How to Cope with Them

Lauren Edwards-Fowle.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 28, 2019.

 

 


We all experience negative feelings from time to time. How we manage them and having coping mechanisms in place is vital to ensure we can move forward and process our emotions in a healthy way.

Here are some of the most common negative feelings, what they mean, and how you can deal with them.

Anxiety/Nerves
Anxiety is common and can be a very normal emotion to experience. Preparing for a difficult conversation or practicing for an important job interview are situations that are bound to invoke nerves.


However, constant anxiety, particularly around everyday circumstances, can build up over time and create a pressure cooker of emotions which has a negative stressor effect on our health, both mental and physical.

What can you do to cope with anxiety?
If you are experiencing extreme or very regular anxiety, it is critical to recognise this and set aside some time to work through the causes. Often, anxiety is an indicator of an underlying problem, and talking through your feelings with somebody you trust is a great way of trying to work through the issues that could be causing it.

Ensure that you are practicing good self-care by sleeping well, keeping yourself active, and putting time into maintaining your close relationships even when you find it difficult to express yourself.

If you feel able to, try keeping a regular journal to identify when your anxiety is at its peak. This should help identify which parts of your life are causing your anxiety, and give you an idea about where the stress is being created that you need to work on mitigating or eliminating from your life.

Further help and support is available should you be experiencing intense feelings of anxiety. Please check our article about emotion-focused coping techniques for more guidance on dealing with anxiety.
Guilt

We can all feel guilty now and again; it is a negative emotion that can relate to any aspect of our lives. Parents often talk about guilt when trying to balance their priorities between parenting, career, social life and self-care.

Other triggers for feelings of guilt can involve being more fortunate than others or having to choose between social engagements or which friends to spend the most time with and feeling guilty at having had to make that choice.

You can also experience guilt as a result of having a guilty conscience; having done something you are not proud of, and then regretting your actions later.

How to cope with guilt

If you are struggling with feelings of guilt, the first step is to try and understand whether it is healthy or not. Should there be a clear and identifiable reason behind these negative feelings, and you know why you are experiencing guilt, this is likely a healthy emotion and a natural reaction to perhaps some behavior that you have come to regret.

In this circumstance there are several things you can do to alleviate your guilt:
  • Taking ownership of whatever action it may be that you regret
  • Apologizing to anybody who you feel you have wronged
  • Finding ways of making amends for any hurt you may have caused
  • Being prepared to listen to the person or people you have hurt, and giving them the time to find closure in explaining what you can do to move forward from this
  • How to manage unhealthy guilt

Unhealthy guilt is quite different and is where your emotions are not rational or identifiable. In this circumstance, you need to process the reasons behind your negative emotions and take steps to be able to clarify your mind to avoid dwelling on the situation unnecessarily.

This could involve speaking about your feeling with a group, or with a person you trust. You could try writing down exactly why you are experiencing guilt and try to identify things you can do to be proactive about controlling this emotion.

If your guilt is not within your control, you can look to work through those aspects which you can and identify where your behaviours can influence the situation.

Perhaps you have no reason to be experiencing guilt, in which case you need to ensure that you are not being manipulated into feeling guilty for events which you did not cause and move onwards and upwards.

Anger

Anger is probably one of the most common negative feelings. Everybody experiences anger to some extent when they feel wronged or treated unfairly.


How you manage anger, however, is crucial to maintaining healthy relationships and ensuring that your emotions are expressed clearly, whilst being under your control.

Ways to cope with anger
  • Take a deep breath. Often anger is a knee jerk reaction. Try counting to 10 slowly, closing your eyes, and practice deep breathing. Sometimes taking a moment out of the situation can be enough to calm down, and process how you wish to respond.
  • Give yourself some quiet time. If you are overwhelmed with a situation and feel as though you are close to lashing out, remove yourself to have some time to think and decide what course of action is best suited to the situation.
  • Identify the cause of your anger. Sometimes anger is rational, and expressing your feelings is essential to be able to ‘get it off your chest’. Other times, you may be misdirecting your anger, and need to ensure that you are not pointing the finger of blame in the wrong place.
  • Do something about it. Sometimes anger is frustration reaching the tipping point; if this is the scenario, try to take proactive and positive steps to dispel the circumstances which are leading you to experience negative emotions. Speak out, write a list, decide on actions – allow yourself to take active control of the situation.

If you are experiencing feelings of anger which you are struggling to control, do not hesitate to seek help. There are many anger management counsellors and groups who can help you work through the cause of your negative emotions and find healthy outlets to help you start feeling more positive.
 
 

 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 
 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
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A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
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Alternative to YouTube
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

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publicado por achama às 06:45
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Quarta-feira, 25 / 12 / 19

7 Ways to Truly Tune into Christmas Spirit During the Holiday Season

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 24th, 2019.

Christmas Spirit
 


 
 
The holidays are here again. Are you doing something fun or fulfilling this season? It’s time to get into the Christmas spirit!
 
It’s cold outside, but inside it’s cozy and warm, at least for the fortunate ones of us. The winter season is here and it’s brought one of our favorite holidays – Christmas. While some people adore Christmas and love the hustle and bustle of shopping and parties, there are some who have trouble getting into the spirit of Christmas. Some people just don’t know how to enjoy the holidays.
 
The Christmas spirit visits once again
 
You can think of the spirit of Christmas as a wonderful guest, bringing gifts and eggnog, along with toasty scarves to keep us warm. That’s all good and everything, but what about those who cannot envision the spirit of Christmas, and the ones who are presently wishing it was over?
 
I think it’s time we helped them learn how to throw their arms around Christmas and enjoy! Remember, Christmas doesn’t have to be stressful. There are many low-key ways to celebrate the holidays as well. Let’s take a look at a nice mixture of exciting and soothing ideas, so everyone can enjoy the Christmas spirit.
 
Ways to celebrate the holidays:
 
1. Give back to others
 
This Christmas season, instead of worrying about the gifts you may receive, concentrate on giving to others. I don’t mean the normal routine of exchanging gifts around the tree, yeah do that too, but I mean giving to charities.
 
There are many Christmas charities in need of toys, like toys for Tots, or soup kitchens that will be feeding Christmas dinner to those who have nowhere to go. So, why not volunteer to give something back to others who otherwise might not receive anything if you didn’t.
 
2. Listen to holiday music
 
Yes, turn on those jingle bells, and rock around the Christmas tree. It’s time to appreciate Christmas music again. No other time of the year do we saturate our brains with the carols and songs of the holiday. To truly embrace Christmas, we must turn on the tunes, maybe dance around the room, and just enjoy the atmosphere of the joyful season.
 
3. Shop local establishments
 
Instead of maneuvering your way through department stores, try visiting a small family-owned shop. These little stores are usually located in the town center and decorated with Christmas lights and other tinsels. Inside, you will find things like handcrafted knick-knacks, hand-woven scarves and sweaters, and even a few things for the guys.
 
Visiting these places will also support your local entrepreneurs. After all, smaller businesses are the runts of the litter.
 
4. Play in the snow
 
I live in the south, so I rarely see snow all that much. But when I do, I make sure to go outside and enjoy its white brilliance. I love to make snowmen, have snowball fights, and sometimes just stick my tongue out and let snowflakes dissolve in my mouth.
 
 
Anyway, if you get snow every winter, you’re probably used to all that splendor, but you can still enjoy it anyway. As for the ones who rarely see it, we hope with anticipation that snow will come every single Christmas.
5. Enjoy some crafts
 
 
Like a child, we loved to make paper snowflakes or string popcorn to hang on the tree. I don’t know if anyone knows how to do this anymore, or if anyone even thinks about it. Well, it doesn’t have to be these crafts, but enjoying some sort of Christmas creation can definitely help you embrace all the magic of Christmas.
 
Here are a few ideas: bake Christmas cookies, make your own wreath, or build a gingerbread house. Just be creative!
 
6. Enjoy spiritual aspects of Christmas
 
If you are spiritual, there will be many things you can enjoy this Christmas, like viewing the manger scene or visiting the church. If your traditions are different but still spiritual, you can partake in those traditions as well. Now is the time to appreciate your winter season beliefs. So, do what you do and embrace the Christmas spirit.
 
7. Festivities
 
Before you leave work for the holidays, there will probably be an office party. If you’re introverted like me, you will not want to go. Sigh…I hate to say this, but let’s just get out there and enjoy one little celebration before we set our schedules for the holidays as we want them. So go to that party, enjoy in your own way, and wish everyone a Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
 
 
 
It’s time we embraced the Christmas spirit and realize that the holidays are right around the corner. There is always this crescendo that builds and builds until that wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Once it’s over, most of us feel a little down for a few days, which is another reason why we should embrace the holidays while they’re here. So put on that ugly Christmas sweater and go do something that honors Christmas.
 
I wish you the best this holiday season!
 
 

References:

  1. https://www.thespruce.com
  2. https://www.rd.com

 

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com
 
 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
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Segunda-feira, 23 / 12 / 19

How Lowering Your Expectations Can Help You Live a Happier Life

Haifa Aboobacker.

learning-mind.com/

December 22, 2019.

 

 

We all have certain expectations in our lives. We all thrive to achieve something or become someone. However, at times, we get disappointed because the outcome didn’t match our expectations. It happens with each one of us when things don’t turn out the way we want them to be. The problem is that when our expectations are too high, and they don’t come about, we tend to feel sad. Aiming for something big in life is good. However, it is suitable only up to a certain level. We shouldn’t expect too much from something. So can lowering your expectations make you happier?

Lowering Your Expectations Isn’t about Settling for a Mediocre Life
‘No expectations, no disappointments‘ is a famous phrase that you might have heard. Is it true? What do you think?


In the first place, many of us believe that it’s true because we feel disappointed when our expectations are not satisfied. Life is strange and ever-evolving. We never know what’s going to happen next. We cannot expect anything unachievable or unrealistic. We have to accept the fact that life has a plan for us. We will achieve the things that are in our destiny.

We cannot change God’s plan. Expectations are the strong beliefs that make us believe that something will happen or something will turn out to be true. In actual fact, we expect certain things because we are not satisfied with the present. As a result, when we can’t accept reality, we tend to think of ideal situations to satisfy ourselves and expect things that can be unrealistic.

Having higher expectations is a sign that you’re not fully living your life. Subsequently, if your expectations are not met, you tend to become sad. Don’t waste your life and worry about fulfilling your expectations.

Instead, get up and take life as it is. Don’t get discouraged. If you wish to make your life easier, stop expecting too much from everything. Life can be more fulfilling, happier and less stressful simply by paying attention to your expectations and taking steps to lower them.

Following are some of the things that you should keep in mind to live a happy life without expectations:

Be aware of your expectations

As mentioned, we all have expectations in our lives that this will happen, or I would get this. However, not all of them get fulfilled. As such, this is the reason why it is imperative to be aware of our expectations. One should know whether their expectations are achievable or not.

Don’t let these expectations dishearten you later. Categorize your expectations as goals, vision, and beliefs. Then filter out things that you can achieve in a time frame and set a time limit for yourself. Don’t expect too much in a limited time frame. Otherwise, it will only discourage you later in the process.

Stop expecting from other people
The best thing that you can do to avoid disappointments would be to have no or zero expectations from others. Your expectations make you feel miserable, so lowering them can make you happier. Stop expecting that people would behave in a way that you want. Open yourself to both positive as well as negative comments.

For instance, you need to understand that you cannot control what other people would think of you. However, what you can do is to accept that they have their opinion and you cannot change it.


Don’t stress yourself for something that you can’t change. We all wish to receive positive comments and positive feedback. However, it cannot happen every time. Therefore, don’t expect strangers or even your known ones to behave in a particular way. Remember, everyone has a different perspective, and you should respect it. Instead, be kind to yourself, and be helpful to people.

Stop expecting people to like you
If one person likes you, it doesn’t mean the whole world will love you. Everyone has a different perspective and different nature. You should never criticize someone for not liking you or for not agreeing with you.

Actually, it is a very foolish act that a person can do to try and make others like them. So don’t get in the battle of being liked by everyone. Instead, love yourself and stay kind to yourself. If you can’t accept yourself for what you are, don’t expect others to accept you and like you.

It is a crazy world, and you’ll meet different kinds of people. Some will like you, and others won’t. The same thing will happen to you. You might meet new and interesting people and you may not like some of them. And that’s life. Don’t expect everyone to be fond of you and like you for your behavior.

You can’t be right all the time
You need to understand that you are not always right. You can be wrong. Likewise, if you think you’re right, it doesn’t mean that others feel the same. Maybe, from their perspective, they don’t find that behavior to be correct.

Therefore, it is advisable to stop needing to be right all the time. If you’re wrong, accept that you’re wrong. Don’t try to prove yourself or justify the fact that you’re right. Take small steps in life and enjoy all the wrongs and rights. Learn from the things that you have done wrong.

Focus on process, not outcome
One of the biggest reasons that we feel disappointed is because we only focus on the outcome and forget the process. We all have goals — however, only a few focus on the process. Most people focus on the outcome and have beliefs in their minds that they would achieve this or that.

If you wish to achieve something big in life, the best thing would be to fall in love with the process. When you start thinking of the outcome, you tend to have expectations. And when you don’t meet those expectations, you tend to feel sad, which sometimes also leads to mental health issues.

The process is the most crucial step. If you have a specific goal in mind, you should work every day to be able to achieve it. Create a timeline, create a plan, and follow the process. At times, plans also fail. Win or lose; you’ll have something to learn.

Stop comparing, stop judging, stop expecting
Comparing yourself to others and judging others are some of the root causes that lead to expectations. When we compare ourselves, our hopes become even higher. We expect more from ourselves, without thinking if it can be achieved or not.

If someone can do that by that age, it doesn’t mean you should also do it. You are unique. You have different strengths and weaknesses. Don’t compare yourself to others and over-think that you should do what they do.

Both judgments and comparisons create negativity. Because of these perceptions and comparisons, we have an additional set of expectations. We tend to believe what we should do and what we should not. Don’t judge others. Set your path so you can be free to live life to its fullest.
Final Thoughts

Life is not perfect. You’ll have peaks of joy along with valleys of heartaches. Don’t add expectations in it. Lower your expectations and appreciate life as it is. Letting go of expectations is one of the best things you can do in your life.

Life is more like a roller coaster ride. Don’t complicate it more by adding your set of expectations. Say yes to the adventure and embrace the beauty of life. Just by lowering your expectations, you can take one step forward towards a happy life.
Haifa Aboobacker


ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Haifa Aboobacker is a growth assistant at AirTract.Com, a social platform in which people ask questions, get answers, read articles, share knowledge and experience. She is a communication engineering graduate and a digital marketing buff who is fascinated by the best SEO practices and content strategies. She loves to make friends and explore places, and she chooses reading in her time off.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

Alternative to Google
startpage.com

 Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com

 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 19:51
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Domingo, 22 / 12 / 19

10 Signs of Unresolved Grief That Poisons Your Life

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 21st, 2019.

 


 

 

Have you ever felt like your heart was broken but did not know why? This could be due to unresolved grief.
 
When a loved one dies, we grieve, but then over time, we heal. It sounds simple, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not. Sometimes we have to deal with unresolved issues due to the grief we went through. It just doesn’t make sense now, does it? Everyone dies at some point, so why can’t we move on? I know I’m personally having a problem with this as well. It’s definitely something we want to soothe and heal properly.
 
But first, what is unresolved grief?
 
As time passes, the intensity of your grief should naturally lessen. You may be able to function more easily and return to your normal eating and sleeping patterns. Over more time, many people return to their normal daily routines even, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have unresolved grief hiding in the background.
 
Unfortunately, unresolved grief can show up unexpectedly in a very negative way. It has been known to affect current and future relationships in those who may not have completed the necessary passages of grief.
 
After a significant emotional loss such as death or end of a romantic relationship, people alter their life choices to protect their hearts from being hurt again. Have you ever done that?
 
I have, and I want you to know that it is okay. And I encourage working toward a resourceful solution, as it is the key to managing it effectively. It’s important to become familiar with some signs of unresolved grief in this post.
 
Warning signs that you are experiencing unresolved grief.
 
1. Appetite changes
 
When someone close to us passes away, we hardly notice our appetite changes. As time goes by, we may start to overeat, or not eat much at all.
 
I have seen people lose 20-30 lbs in just a month or two. This has happened to me as well. It’s difficult to explain exactly why we do this, but I can surmise that we are trying to use food as a balm for our pain, or maybe sometimes just a distraction. During the stages of grief, we might see this as part of denial.
 
2. Difficulty concentrating
 
Loved ones that were especially close to us will leave a hole where they used to be. Now, this hole, over time, will slowly fill with loving memories and warm feelings. At least, this is what’s supposed to happen.
 
Honestly, this can take years to happen if someone was a mother, child or mate. We will notice that it has become difficult to concentrate on anything without thinking of our loved one. We may start to fail classes, forget appointments, and even have trouble at work. It can take over every corner of our minds.
 
3. Sleep problems
 
When we lose loved ones, we may experience sleep problems. It could be that we sleep too much or we suffer from insomnia. It’s similar to our eating disorders when going through unresolved grief. We may also experience nightmares, or dreams where we are with our loved ones, just to awake and they are not there. Our realization when waking can hurt horribly once again.
 
4. Nauseating sadness
 
If we haven’t’ been able to get over the loss of a loved one, there could be stages of nauseating sadness. This sadness generally comes from anxiety. If the deceased was someone who was always there for you, and someone you could talk to, your anxiety levels will peak at times causing nausea, a sick stomach paired with sadness. It’s the worst feeling.
 
5. Inability to talk
 
Some people just cannot talk about the death of their friend or loved one. It’s too painful for them, or they are still in the stages of denial. Did you know that denial can last long past the time you thought you were okay? Many people will keep to themselves and refuse to even mention their loved one’s name. This is incredibly sad.
 
6. Not thinking
 
Like some people who stop talking about their loved ones, others will push their loved ones completely out of their minds. It seems easier for them to pretend that the deceased never existed. It’s not because they are being cruel, but simply trying to keep from completely breaking down.
 
Look, death can be horrendous for some people, while others can handle it well. For those who don’t wish to think of their loved ones, the deceased must have meant a lot to them.
 
7. Avoiding things
 
When someone you love dies, you attempt to heal. Some people do well with this and go back to their routine in life. Others will avoid doing anything because they feel stuck in the moment of death. This means avoiding places, people, things, and even losing jobs over their inability to return to work. Avoidance is another form of denial.
 
8. Not accepting any negative
 
Then you have some people who only want to talk about all the positive things in life, including all the good accomplishments of their deceased loved one. But there is never a moment for tears, or never a time to get angry for them. It’s as if they refuse to let any negative emotions emerge.
 
I’m going to tell you this, not accepting the negative with the positive can cause severe damage to your health. Eventually, you will hit the bottom, and all that positive thinking will crash. Grieving will be worse, than if you’d grieved earlier.
 
9. Fall back into routine
 
Yes, you should eventually return to routine. But here’s the other side of the coin: You should also allow yourself a bit of downtime to feel the pain. Yes, I said it. You have to feel the pain in order to heal from the pain. So, returning immediately to your ordinary life wouldn’t be the best thing to do. If you’re doing this, it’s definitely unresolved issues with grief.
 
10. Stop getting close to people
 
Unresolved grief can also make you turn cold toward others. The one you lost was so close to you that you refuse to hurt like that again. So, what do you do? You close yourself off from everybody else. There is healing to be done with the death of your loved one, and you’ve obviously not completed this cycle.
 
Yes, you can get through this in a healthy way.
 
Is your life forever changed after grief or a loss? Yes, it can be. Managing your grief is a good thing, but you don’t have to live the rest of your life in pain due to unresolved grief.
 
Imagine thinking about someone who died, or an ex, without feeling broken-hearted. Imagine living and loving to the fullest. What would that be like for you?
 
It can be done! I have done it and so can you! Seek out ways to manage your unresolved grief and watch the way you move forward to improve your joy, fulfillment, and life.
 
References:
 
 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com
 
 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
Free counters!

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tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
publicado por achama às 18:39
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Sexta-feira, 20 / 12 / 19

FOBO: The Reason You Struggle with Making Decisions and How to Overcome It.

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 18th, 2019.

 
fobo.

 


I’m sure that you have all heard of Fomo, or the ‘fear of missing out’, but have you heard about the ‘fear of better options’ (Fobo)? Fobo is consuming many of our thought patterns and affecting our behavior for the worst. The more anxious sister of Fomo, Fobo is attributed as the reason why some of us struggle to make even the simplest of decisions.

In this post, we take a closer look at the reasons behind Fobo. We will also give you some helpful steps to overcome the difficulties you may be having with making decisions.

What Is Fobo?

The freedom of choice we have access to in the modern world is indeed a privilege. However, with so many things to choose from, it can lead us to make no decisions at all. This is what the fear of better options relates to. In other words, when we are faced with a multitude of options, the fear of missing out on the best one leads us to a state of indecision.

The term Fobo was coined by the US venture capitalist Patrick McGinnis, who also came up with the term Fomo. According to McGinnis, Fobo is the “coping mechanism” we use to deal with the fear of making the wrong decision in case if “something better comes along”. However, the persistence of Fobo in our lives can lead to not only a general dissatisfaction in our own life, but also cause our friends, family, and colleagues to despair with us also.

McGinnis defines Fobo as being an “affliction of affluence” and is, therefore, restricted to the privileged who have the benefit of power and money to give them so many options. This is an affliction, therefore, that can also be used by large corporations, as well as individuals, as a justification for “not doing something”.

Discussion around the demotivating power of choice is not entirely new. Iyengar and Lepper’s study in 2000 concluded that individuals who had fewer options derived greater satisfaction from the decisions they made.

The concept of ‘maximizers’ and ‘satisficers’ has also been a popular phenomenon in psychology when discussing individuals’ approaches to decision making. ‘Maximizers’ are those that base their decisions on the maximum benefit later on. Whereas ‘satisficers’ settle for a decision based on more modest criteria (and less research).

The lack of commitment that maximizers show to their decisions, according to Joyce Erlinger from Florida State University, makes them less satisfied with their choices in the long term.

How to Overcome Fobo?
If the concept of Fobo is ringing true for you, then fear not. There are some steps you can take to improve your decision making power and overcome the constant fear of what better options are waiting for you around the corner. Here are some tips to set you in the right direction:
1. Recognize that you can never be aware of all your options
While it is normal to want to select the best option in all areas of your life, it is helpful to recognize that it’s impossible to examine all of the potential options available. Acknowledging this fact is a key part of beginning your journey to be released from the restraint of Fobo. It can also be beneficial to acknowledge that there may be multiple ‘best’ options. So, in making a decision, you’re one step closer to getting one of those.

2. Be clear about what it is you want
Fobo can lead to hours of research and deliberation. This results in a spiral of indecision, confusion and, ultimately, frustration. To overcome this, try making a set of clear criteria of what you want to get out of your decision. Make sure you restrict yourself to 3 or 4 criteria. Once you have found those criteria in an option, go for it.
3. Be honest with yourself
McGinnis states that an element of Fobo can derive from resistance to, or fear of, saying no to something. We may delay our decision by giving a tentative ‘maybe’ to an option which, when you’re honest with yourself, you know is not right for you. To prevent delaying the negative, saying no immediately can prevent the escalation of Fobo.
4. Set yourself a time limit
Your indecisiveness does not only affects your own experiences, but it can also influence those around you. Waiting for a decision can be a stressful time for others. Not to mention putting you in the bad books with those closest to you. Setting yourself a time limit to make a decision can be an effective way to improve your decision-making ability, and lead to greater satisfaction with your choices.

For instance, you’ve been given a few options for a Friday night but are worried about choosing the best option. In this instance, giving yourself a time limit of Wednesday to decide ensures that you can enjoy your weekend and prevent annoying your friends.
Final Thoughts

Having a fear of better options (Fobo) can have serious effects on your ability to enjoy your life. Never making a decision may result in you missing out on fun opportunities or important life chances. Fortunately, it is possible to tackle this obsession with finding perfection by following our simple steps.
 

 

Lottie Miles

 


 
About the Author: Lottie Miles
 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
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Quarta-feira, 18 / 12 / 19

How to Master Self-Discipline in Your Life with 7 Tips

 

By Selenha Tomas 

Guest Author, learning-mind.com

December 16th, 2019. 

 

Self-discipline.
 


Self-discipline is one thing we all struggle with. From eating “just one more” doughnut to waking up late every morning. It is all a matter of how self-disciplined we are, and it can be applied to all fields of life.

Some people like to live their lives by the book, and they are natural talents when it comes to self-discipline. But for the rest of us, it is like a skill. As such, it is something that we can learn and strive to master from early childhood.

Why Do We Need Self-Discipline?
The problem is, even though we have been introduced to the concept of self-discipline from early childhood, if you are not ready to fully commit to it, it does not get much easier with age. When we were kids, our mothers did not allow us to eat sweets before lunch. As adults, we can eat whatever we want whenever, but that does not mean we should. So instead of having a parent who will hide all the candies, now we have to hide them from ourselves.

Power of will, self-control, you can call it whatever you like, it is one of the key features of every successful person. The good news is that it can be taught. Even if you were not so great with it as a child or teen, it is never too late. Not only can you take over control of your life, but you can also learn how to be, and stay, self-disciplined.

We gathered here some of the most useful tips for becoming a true master. So, if you feel ready to make a change, keep on reading.
Tips on Mastering Self-Discipline
1. Set Your Goals


What are your goals? Do you want to eat better, sleep more, study harder, run faster, or be more productive at work? You have to know where you are going and what you want first. Only then can you create a list of things you need to do in order to reach your goal. It is all based on practice and developing healthy habits.

In the beginning, it is never going to be easy. However, after a while, your established routine is not going to be so annoying. In fact, it is going to become something you will do without thinking too much about it. Start writing a weekly planner and make a schedule which you will follow.
2. Acknowledge Your Weaknesses
Whether it is a slice of pizza at 11 PM, binge-watching, or procrastinating your work tasks, keep it real and be aware of your weaknesses. This is the only way to overcome them. Stop making excuses and start spending your time more wisely.

Bad habits are so tempting, and it is so easy to cheat. But think about the time and energy you are wasting. Instead of ordering fast food, put that money away and save it for travelling. Find something good to replace your unhealthy cravings.

3. Baby Steps
Many people tend to start some big changes from Monday or next week. But the thing is, you should not introduce all the changes at once. This is because you can not successfully turn your entire life upside down in one day.

Start with those changes that are doable. Slowly, make adjustments without putting too much pressure on yourself. Then gradually introduce new rituals or tasks. Eventually, you will get the result you wanted. There are no shortcuts. Self-discipline is like a learning process. Therefore, if you want to pass it, you have to go through all the stages.
4. Healthy Habits


Regardless of what your goals are, you should not forget about two essential things, sleeping and eating well. These two are the base, the core of self-discipline. So if you are not eating healthy or sleeping enough, you cannot consider yourself for a self-disciplined person.

These two are especially important for people who are trying to lose weight. But also in general, poor sleeping habits can trigger an eating disorder, insomnia, REM sleep behaviour disorder, and plenty of other things that will get on your way.
5. The Power of Will
It is all in your head. You are your biggest competitor. Likewise, the only boundaries that exist are the ones in your head. If you believe that you can not do this or that, then you probably are not going to be able to do it.

This willpower is based on our beliefs. As a result, it can either hinder our success or enhance it, depending on our inner beliefs. This can be tricky. For start, it has a lot to do with self-esteem, rational thinking, and personal subconscious obstacles.

6. Plan “B”
In general, it is always good to have a backup plan. But in situations like this, when you are trying so hard to change yourself, any small failure can be discouraging. That is why it is always good to have a plan B.

If you know that you are going to be in a tempting situation, think in advance. Put together ideas on how to stay in your lane, without breaking your rules. This type of strategy is something that psychologists like to call implementation intentions.
7. Treat Yourself
It is good to have small milestones and to reward yourself to boost your motivation. But that reward should not consist of things you are fighting against. For example, junk food, or playing video games the entire night. An idea of a reward waiting for you will give you the strength to continue. This is because a reward system is a powerful tool for success, and it will keep you focused on your goal.
Final Thoughts
People are creatures of habit, and somehow we tend to love the bad ones, especially. However, we should not allow our habits to control us. Our guide contains some general steps and tips that can be applied to any life situation which requires self-discipline. We hope it will help many of you. All those things you already know, but you never actually tried them.

Remember, all good things take time. So instead of rushing into changes, and then giving up on everything even quicker, take some time, be patient, be stubborn, and do it right. Don’t forget that once you establish your self-discipline, you need to nourish and maintain it because it will always depend on your mindset.

 

 

 
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Selena Thomas is a content writer from Counting Sheep who loves sharing tips on healthy lifestyles. A writer by day and a reader by night, she’s fond of writing articles that can help people in improving both physical and mental health. Also, she loves travelling and inspires people on her blogs.

 

 

 

 

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Sábado, 14 / 12 / 19

10 Signs of Unresolved Trauma from Your Childhood and How to Deal with It

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 12th, 2019.

 
Unresolved Trauma Childhood.

 
 
Dealing with unresolved trauma isn’t as simple as trying to be more positive. This kind of trauma goes deep with its roots.
 
I seem to always be talking about trauma, abuse or some other unresolved issues. By now, you’d think I’d been cured of all my problems, but I’m not. My traumas run deep, and for a couple of stages of my life, I pushed them back, repressing what happened to me.
 
This isn’t healthy, but it’s a common defense system when you’ve gone through trauma. This could be what your loved ones are feeling and more.
 
Life-lasting effects of childhood trauma
 
When we experience traumatic things during childhood, some of us think it’s a part of the normal process of life. When I was abused, I actually thought it was supposed to happen, that is until I grew old enough to know the difference.
 
Unresolved issues concerning trauma don’t rear their ugly heads until we’re older, as with my situation, so we learn so much as we grow. Not everything we learn is positive. If someone you love has repressed childhood trauma, there are signs you can see and some just waiting beneath the surface.
 
As unresolved childhood trauma can affect the future, it’s best to find solutions to at least some of these issues.
 
10 ways to recognize unresolved trauma in your loved ones
 
1. You have no joy
 
If your friend’s childhood trauma has not been resolved, then they’ll have a difficult time feeling joy. Things that should make them look forward to tomorrow will have them dreading it instead.
 
Your friend may be able to feel a form of joy, however, or even be able to feed off some of the joy of others, but they will not have the pure joy of their own which comes from true happiness.
 
2. Trust issues
 
I can personally attest that I do not trust many people. And yes, I do have some unresolved issues from my childhood trauma. Trust is hard to have when your trust was broken in abuse. Whether your loved one was neglected or beaten, they saw people as bad and they lost trust in them.
 
If someone you love has trust issues, there could have been some terrible trauma in their past.
 
3. Nightmares
 
Boy, I must have many unresolved issues from my past traumas because I have nightmares or weird dreams every night. Yes, having nightmares on a regular basis could be a sign that your boyfriend or girlfriend has things from childhood that they haven’t faced. This could be any sort of abuse or neglect. Since these roots run deep, the nightmares are probably filled with vivid detail.
 
Sometimes they can be so disturbing they ruin sleep completely, leaving the one you love sweating and gasping for breath. To be honest, I had a nightmare so terrible one time that I woke screaming. So yeah, those bad dreams, they could very well be telling you something important about your loved one’s past.
 
4. Self-harm
 
Cutters aren’t just kids, well teens. Some adults resort to self-harm or self-mutilation. Adults, however, don’t always cut. Sometimes, they starve themselves, scratch sores on their skin or even pull out their hair.
 
These signs could be medical conditions as well, but you might want to do a bit of research into the past. Try to find out if these acts of self-violence come from negative childhood events. They could.
 
5. Extreme anger
 
Many times, those who have anger problems are either dealing with something extremely stressful now, or they could be exhibiting a release from the trauma of the past.
 
Unresolved trauma from the past builds and builds anger during our lifetime, even if we push it back and try to forget. It still festers until the trauma is faced. This extreme anger can damage others as well as actually affect health and shorten the lifespan. It can surely be one of the signs that something happened long ago.
 
6. Fears
 
Have you ever noticed someone get suddenly afraid for no logical reason? That’s because something has triggered that response.
 
 
When there are unresolved issues from the past, this fear will surface many times, and in strange situations. There may not seem like anything could possibly go wrong, but previous victims can still have fear.
 
7. Panic attacks
 
Whether your friend has an anxiety disorder or not, panic attacks can be a sure sign that there are unresolved issues. Panic attacks do happen randomly, but they are also triggered by something that reminds them of their childhood.
 
Panic attacks cause increased heart rate, hyperventilating, and other symptoms. Watch for these symptoms.
 
8. Avoiding people
 
It’s okay to be an introvert, but avoiding people all the time, and sometimes rarely leaving your home is just not normal. Something is going on that needs to be addressed.
 
This behavior could be the result of something traumatic that happened in childhood. If someone can’t be around people, then people cannot help them. They can even start to experience dissociation episodes as well.
 
9. Hypervigilance
 
Hypervigilance is always being on guard no matter how safe the surroundings may be. If your loved one wakes up expecting something negative is going to happen, and they go throughout the day thinking the same thing, they will remain in that fight or flight syndrome. This elevated state of being can be damaging to their health.
10. Addictions
 
Another sign of unresolved trauma is falling into addictive behavior. Everyone knows about addiction to alcohol and drugs, but there are many other things that can become an addiction.
 
 
If your loved one’s childhood was traumatic, they probably think about it more than they should. Sometimes these thoughts are just too hard to handle, and some turn to various addictions.
 
Unresolved issues from your childhood can be addressed
 
When you’re dealing with friends and loved ones who have unresolved pain and heartache from their childhood, you have to be careful and considerate. It might take you a while to understand what’s going on, and you may make mistakes when trying to help them, but it’s okay.
 
The best way to deal with unresolved and painful childhood trauma is to follow a few steps.
 
Talk to your loved one. Learn about what happened if they are willing to open up to you.
 
If there are unresolved issues, work together to figure out how to solve those issues. If you can’t help, seek the help of a professional who has a better understanding of unresolved childhood trauma.
 
Don’t be judgemental and never tell them how someone else easily healed from trauma. That can make them feel even worse.
 
Be a friend. Be a true friend, and coax them to do anything positive that you can.
 
Be as kind as possible, and don’t do anything extra that makes them even more hyper-vigilant. Learn their triggers and avoid them.
 
Slowly and carefully help them get used to a few people at a time.
 
 
Any trauma can be resolved with the right help
 
I’ve provided a few ways to help people who suffer from negative events from childhood. The most important part of this healing is getting to the root of what happened. That’s why you do the first tip from above and open up a dialogue with them.
 
If you feel like you don’t understand what they’re going through, get educated. After all, helping each other and learning how to do that is extremely important.
 
Remember, those who’ve suffered need hope. So, let’s help them keep it.



 Sherrie Hurd

 

 

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If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
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Terça-feira, 03 / 12 / 19

4 Leadership Styles and Examples Where They Can Be Used

Jamie Logie.

December 2nd, 2019. 

leadership styles.

 
 

 
Are you effectively leading people or not using the right leadership styles when needed?
 
You can probably think back to certain leaders in your life and the leadership styles they used. An effective leader can manage people effortlessly without having to be overbearing or ruthless. The best leaders are the ones you don’t even notice leading but can motivate and improve everyone around them.
 
Leadership is the ability to get amazing achievements from ordinary people. If this is the leader you would like to be – in any area of life – it helps to learn different leadership styles. This article will look at 4 styles of leadership and examples for where to use them.
 
What Are Some Key Leadership Styles?
 
As a leader, your job is to get things done by leading others to success. This can be on the grand stage of the leader of a country, down to running a volunteer charity. Whatever type of influence you have, leadership is all about getting the best out of others to accomplish a goal or task.
 
Your leadership style will depend on a few variables, such as the team you are working with or specific people within that team. A good leader can recognize when a certain style is needed and will pick the right one depending on the specific end goal. There are many styles of leadership, but here are a few of the best to help accomplish this.
 
1. The Structural Leadership Style
 
This style of leadership is a very straightforward style. Everything is laid out in black in white. Everyone knows what needs doing, why it needs to be done, and when it needs to be done by. This style of leadership is one that places more importance on yourself, and it’s important to recognize this.
 
You are the one in charge of picking the people, assigning them to the various tasks, and managing them with the expectation they will produce great work. The main responsibility falls on your shoulders with this style as you are the one calling all the shots. You do not need any input from other people and what you say, goes.
 
You would use this leadership style when team members need to be rewarded or disciplined. You would also use this style when you have a team that is already motivated, full of experts, and needs little direction. You don’t want to use the structural leadership style all the time, as it can lead to team members feeling overwhelmed. This style works best in a crunch time scenario.
 
2. The Participative Style Of Leadership
 
This style is when you put your team first. When you’re leading people this way, it shows that you really care about them. When you lead this way, you build more bonds and friendships. There is a focus on spending time with the team members and showing that you care. The best way to use this style of leadership is to treat your team members the same way you would treat a family member.
 
There is no task-master mentality here, and the leadership is all about respect. This creates a feeling of belonging for the people you lead and you tend to get better results from them this way. They get more of a feeling of ownership with what they are working on as they feel more connected and valued. Decisions are made by consensus and members have more input, hence being called participative.
 
You would use the participative leadership style when you need new ideas and fresh perspectives. It is also good to use it during times of stress and when team members are feeling overwhelmed. They will feel heard and listened to, and it helps to build and maintain trust.
 
3. The Servant Style
 
The servant style is taking the participative style to the next level. With this style of leadership, you serve the role of serving your team. The easiest way to approach this style is to treat others how you want to be treated aka managing others the way you want to be managed.
 
You make sure that everyone understands their jobs fully and provide any needed tools. This style helps to bring out the peak performance of your team members. This style may be the most rewarding for them as they feel catered to and appreciated. They are listened to and their ideas matter.
 
An example of when to use the servant style is if you find yourself with a diverse team. This would be a team where you need to personalize your management for each member. You may also want to consider this leadership style if you are starting out somewhere new or with a new team. This will help you build trust, respect, and loyalty.
 
You may not want to use the servant style for too long, however, as it may lead to a lack of direction for the team. It also may lead to a lack of authority and your team ending up running the show.
 
4. The Freedom Style
 
This is a style of leadership that requires a lot of faith in your team. With this style, you give your team a task and then basically stay out of the way. You will chime in only when needed. Your role here is to point the team in the right direction and then leave it up to them.
 
You obviously need the utmost confidence in your team, but if you’ve led them well up to this point, they should be able to thrive. This style is not recommended if you are just starting out in leading people. You need a great track record showing your ability to get results out of people. You also need a lot of expertise and a highly skilled team that doesn’t need much supervision.
 
This is an approach taken by the Pixar company: give a mediocre idea to a strong team and they will find a way to make it great.
Final Thoughts
 
There isn’t one best leadership style, as these 4 different ones are valuable in their own way. The effective leader is not the one who just intimately knows different styles of leadership but knows when to use them at the right time. Whether you use the freedom, servant, participative, or structural leadership style, you ultimately will know how to get the very best out of people.
 
References:


  1. https://www.researchgate.net/
  2. http://article.sapub.org/
 

About the Author: Jamie Logie

 


 

Jamie Logie is a personal trainer, nutritionist, and health and wellness specialist. Jamie also studied sociology and psychology at Western University and has a counseling diploma from Heritage Baptist College. He has run a blog and top-rated podcast on iTunes called "Regained Wellness". Jamie is also a contributing writer for places like the Huffington Post, Thrive Global, LifeHack and has an Amazon #1 book called "Taking Back Your Health".

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

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Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


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Terça-feira, 03 / 12 / 19

5 Steps to Psychological First Aid You Can Use in Difficult Situations

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 2, 2019.

 
Psychological First Aid steps.

 
 
We have first responders for physical traumas or difficulties. Here’s a secret: psychological first aid is also important during hard times.
 
When trauma occurs, you hear the sirens. The ambulance, police and first responders are on the way. As humans, it’s our duty to try and help those who are in serious trouble. And I would like to add, it’s also our responsibility to be there for those who experience mental trauma or difficult situations as well.
 
Psychological first aid is on the way
 
If someone cannot be there for you personally, then there are steps to take during a mental emergency. If they can be, or if you’re the one helping, either way, these solutions are called psychological first aid.
 
The reason we need this type of care is that not everyone knows the right things to do or say, nor do those who experience mental difficulties or traumatic times understand what to do. So, that’s what we’re about to learn.
 
The steps to psychological help in difficult times
 
1. Create a safe environment
 
The first thing that must be done during trauma, is to remind yourself or the one you’re helping that the trauma is over. That fight or flight syndrome raging in the head must be calmed down to assess the current situation, which may be much better than before. Use simple words and don’t speak too fast.
 
2. Stay in that space
 
For a while, just practice breathing. This helps you to ground yourself. If it’s your friend, remind them to inhale and exhale deeply which regulates the heart rate. When you’re doing this, you’re remaining in that safe environment while the systems of your body follow your mind back into its normal state.
 
If the survivor of the difficult situation wants to talk, then talk with them, but if not, don’t ask questions at this time.
 
3. Build up strength
 
If you’re the one suffering, remind yourself that you are strong. You are not a victim, but a survivor. If you’re not the one facing difficult or traumatic times, remind your friend or loved one of their own strength and place focus on independence. This focus on caring for themselves will help them transfer from victim to survivor mode, and also helps them stand up to any additional confrontations or negative events presently happening.
 
4. Connect and show care
 
If you’re helping a loved one, say, for instance, get through a panic attack, making a connection is a great idea. Connecting with someone who may be experiencing a large range of symptoms, such as dissociation or anxiety, can keep them centered in the present.
 
You can talk about the good surroundings, and even introduce pets to help avert focus from panic to caring for another being. This is one reason why service animals are so important.
 
5. Use and talk about hope
 
During the difficult time, remind your friend or loved one who may be going through something painful, that there is always hope. Hope is so powerful, and it helps us see the positive aspects of every single situation. Thinking of hope, visualizing hope, and practicing hope can truly heal you from traumatic times or difficult situations. Never give up hope.
 
Psychological first aid also includes what NOT to do in these situations.
 
First of all, it’s not an exhaustive list of what to do, and what not to do, but there are a few things if prevented will move the process along much faster. This means getting from hurt to healing twice as fast.
 
So, remember, never make an assumption of what the person has experienced. Only listen as they tell you what they want you to know. Don’t talk about “symptoms” or “diagnosis” because this only makes a traumatic situation seem like a part of the victim’s imagination. This is bad.
 
Never talk down to someone who suffers in difficult times. Also, don’t pressure them to talk about the details even if they have started talking. The point is to let them lead, you follow, giving support as needed. And you will know when it’s time to be extra supportive.
 
Do not try to add details that aren’t there or haven’t been verified. Sometimes it’s best to sit back and watch certain things unfold. One more example would be a domestic altercation.
 
If a mediator is brought in because the altercation is elevating and getting out of hand, it’s best to get both parties calm first, then listen to each one, but one at a time. At some point, you will understand if you need to add anything to the conversation. Listening is under-rated and can come in handy during traumatic times.
 
When difficult times come, it’s usually temporary
 
While some bad things seem to go on and on forever, they do have an end. This is one thing you should always remember, and it goes back to what I said about hope. Hope is actuallyknowing that it won’t rain forever.
 
So when utilizing psychological forms of first aid, know your stuff. Your friends, your mate, your loved ones, or whoever is going through these difficult times need your help. It’s best if you know how to do that too.
 
And I think, after reading through these simple steps, you should be able to help yourself and others get through problems a bit easier.
 
I send you peace.
 

References:
  1. https://www.nctsn.org
  2. https://www.ptsd.va.gov

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 09:16
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Sábado, 30 / 11 / 19

Why Being Vulnerable Is Not a Bad Thing and Can Actually Benefit You

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted November 29, 2019.

being vulnerable benefits.


 
 
If being vulnerable was popular, then many good things would happen. Why? Because everyone would have to be honest.
 
Woah! Now that was a doozie of a sentence, wasn’t it? I like this part, “everyone would have to be honest.” Can you imagine everyone being honest, and how many good and bad consequences would come from that one action?
 
Well, to be honest, being honest, at the end of the day, spells great achievements in life. Guess what, being vulnerable can help you become that honest person.
 
Being vulnerable is not easy
 
Okay, now let’s look at the roadblock you got up. Being in a vulnerable state is not easy. It means tearing down that wall, letting down that guard, and opening up wide to the world….well, at least to loved ones and friends. It’s hard to be vulnerable to some people because it feels weak and makes you feel out of control.
 
Society has taught us so many negative things like lying fixes problems, stealing gets you what you want, and being hard and tough saves your feelings. I wish I could heal the whole of society from this horrible misconception. But for now, let’s look at a few ways being vulnerable can benefit you as an individual.
 
How opening up is the best solution
 
1. Your self-worth increases
 
This might sound strange, but your self-esteem gets higher the more vulnerable you become. All that bragging and showing how tough you are behind your wall means nothing. What has true meaning is being able to share your feelings, including, shame.
 
Yes, it is okay to feel shame at times, just make sure it’s valid, and not something someone told you to feel. Vulnerability can make you realize that everyone has both strengths and weaknesses and this is what helps you realize your worth.
 
2. It helps you be present
 
Being in the moment, right now, and feeling the truth of what you feel is amazing. Better yet, sharing those feelings, despite the fear you may have is liberating.
 
Some people hold in their feelings because they’re afraid of losing people they love, but in the process, they cause intense stress within which affects the mind and body. Being present and being unafraid of what you’re feeling is one of the best mindsets around.
 
3. You can be happier
 
Not being vulnerable means we become numb to our true feelings. Did you know that? Yep, it means that resentment pent up inside, and that shame hides underneath those feelings of unhappiness. Well, just like the bad feelings hiding away, the good feelings are doing the same things.
 
You cannot possibly be truly happy unless you’re vulnerable. Without vulnerability, you are fake and anyone you try to love will be fake as well, at least most of the time. So, to be happy and find a truly happy person like you, stop holding all that good and bad inside.
 
4. Builds intimacy in relationships
 
Let me tell you, true intimacy does not reside outside of vulnerable states. But because of all the heartbreak and divorce, being vulnerable is probably the scariest action in relationships.
 
People are afraid. They are so afraid of being hurt, rejected or left, that they create a person that doesn’t even exist. Here again, you see them building walls and practicing false personalities.
 
They do engage in intimacy, but it feels held back, stiff, and uninvolved. It’s as if we keep so much of ourselves locked away during the intimate time. We rather pretend like intimate acts are no big deal and simply walk away from a potentially healthy relationship.
 
Being vulnerable will help you wade through the maybes and find the one who is truly right for you. Intimacy with the right person will be amazing.
 
5. Teaches compassion
 
If someone else is being vulnerable about something negative they have done, instead of getting angry straight off, you can have a bit of compassion. This is where being vulnerable comes in.
 
Being a person who can exhibit vulnerable attributes can help others who are being vulnerable because they can either relate, or they can help the other person put away shame. Then forgiveness can be attained, which is the true benefit here.
 
6. Helps innovation and connection
 
Vulnerability can also be a benefit in the workplace. So many people are afraid to speak up about new ideas or criticisms at work, especially in meetings or in the presence of the boss. But, if you can become courageous enough to voice your concerns, you’ve opened up a dialogue that makes coworkers tap into their vulnerability as well.
 
If you want to see coworkers making connections, then vulnerability is the key. Your ideas and concerns can also profit your workplace as well.
 
Being vulnerable is a strength, no doubt
 
If you think about all the good points of vulnerability, you will see the strength in using this attribute. Remember, everyone has a vulnerable side, but few of us are fearless enough to use it.
 
That’s the key right there. If we can take control of our fears, we can use our vulnerabilities, not to harm ourselves and others, but to help others come out of their shells as well.
 
I encourage you to open up and let go today. You can start small, practice your vulnerabilities and see what happens.
 
References:
 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

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publicado por achama às 06:33
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Sábado, 23 / 11 / 19

How to Overcome Mental Blocks with These 3 Science-Backed Strategies

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

November 22nd, 2019.

 



Mental blocks are stressful and sometimes painful things to experience and quite hard to overcome. When you have a mental block, your own brain is preventing the recall of memories or your ability to understand something.

Remember your school days. Did you ever feel like no matter how many times the teacher explained something, you just couldn’t get it into your mind? What about trying to recall information you previously knew, but now can’t seem to find the memory in your brain at all? These are both examples of mental blocks. Writer’s block is also a type of mental block which is difficult to overcome.

Mental blocks can be caused by a deep lack of focus, such as that caused in times of great stress. They can also be the result of repression. When we’ve experienced traumas and events in our past we wouldn’t like to think about, our psyche’s shove it down deep for us, so we never have to be reminded of the difficulties. This makes it very difficult to remember correctly if one day we want to, turning it into a mental black.

Overcoming mental blocks can be challenging to say the least – but not impossible. Scientists have spent years researching how to overcome mental blocks and have come up with several, science-backed strategies for you.

3 Strategies to Overcome Mental Blocks

Nature
As it turns out, our Mothers were right all along. Going outside does make us feel better and help us overcome mental blocks. Many studies have been done over the years into the theory that we can overcome mental blocks by spending time in nature.

One study in particular, from the University of Stanford in California, has proven what we often assumed. These studies were based on a theory that was published in the 1980s. Attention Restoration Theory (ART) is the theory that nature can restore all kinds of memories and focus which has been lost.

This study, carried out in 2008, then again in 2015, proved once and for all that spending time in nature provided all kinds of cognitive benefits, including overcoming mental blocks. Participants were given tests on memory, alertness, mental wellbeing and other types of cognitive functions. They were then split into groups and sent on two separate walks. Some walked in an urban environment while the others were sent to a natural area.

When the participants returned, they were tested again. Those who walked in nature showed an impressive increase in all their previous results, especially memory and general mental health. In a second experiment, participants were only shown photographs of natural or urban landscapes. Still, the results were the same.

These studies ultimately proved that nature can help us overcome mental blocks. If you’re struggling to locate a memory or focus on some studying, you could try spending time outside (or even just looking at pictures if you don’t have time).

Exercise
Another old wives’ tale has always told us that exercising will help us overcome our mental blocks. Science has now proven that to be true. A study by the University of British Columbia investigated whether exercising really does improve cognitive functioning, and by association, help us overcome mental blocks.

Their experiments showed that regular aerobic exercise actually boosts the size of the hippocampus – a part of the brain responsible for our verbal memory and learning. Exercises like strength training and balance didn’t yield the same results. In order to reap the benefits, you have to get your heart pounding and your body sweating!

The study concluded that there are both direct and indirect ways that exercise helps us to overcome mental blocks. Aerobic exercises have direct health benefits on the brain. These include reducing inflammation and stimulating the release of chemicals that affect the health of current brain cells and the growth of new ones.

More blood flow and healthy brain cells definitely aid us in overcoming mental blocks. Indirectly, exercising reduces stress and tension, improves our mood and helps us to sleep better. All these things contribute to clearer thinking and less confusing brain fog.

This exercise can be as simple as going for a walk (consider it being in nature too for a double whammy) or even cleaning. Anything that gets your heart rate higher than usual will ultimately help you to overcome those tedious mental blocks.

Napping
Finally, snoozing in the day has been recognized as beneficial, instead of just “lazy”. Science has now proven that taking a nap during the day can, in fact, help you overcome your mental blocks.

Research from the Weill Cornell Medical College has shown that napping can improve our overall cognitive functioning. They studied the results of several experiments that looked into the effects of napping on thinking, processing, and mental blocks.

In all the experiments, the participants were tested using monitors while they slept, as well as mental tests after they woke. These psychological tests included reaction times and vigilance. No matter the method, the results were always the same. Napping improved their cognitive abilities and helped them think clearer and learn faster.

Now, this strategy is still in the early stages of experiments, but it’s one I firmly agree with. The skeptics question the benefits of long naps due to the grogginess and confusion we feel when we first wake up. This is known as sleep inertia.

Some advocate for shorter naps as they show better cognitive results immediately after waking. They assume this makes it easier to get over mental blocks. However, overall studies show that the length of the nap didn’t matter. There was no difference seen in the results once a delay was given for the sleep inertia to fade.

So, next time you’re feeling blocked and can’t seem to overcome it, try packing it all in and taking a midday nap instead!

References:
  1. https://news.stanford.edu
  2. https://www.pnas.org
  3. https://www.health.harvard.edu
  4. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
  5. https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat
  6. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com

Becky Storey
 

 



 

About the Author: Becky Storey
 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 13:22
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Domingo, 17 / 11 / 19

How to Improve Your Conversation Skills with These 8 Science-Backed Hacks

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted November 17th, 2019.

 
.

 

 
 
Being an effective communicator is an essential skill to master to assist you in both your personal and professional life. However, having good conversation skills does not always come easily even though anyone can improve them.
 
You may be looking for some help to make those awkward silences a thing of the past. We don’t often talk about mastering good conversation skills. However, it is a skill we use every day.
 
In this article, we will go through 8 science-based hacks. All of these will help you to fine-tune your conversation skills and learn the art of conversation.
 
Improve Your Conversation Skills with these Science-Based Hacks
 
Recognize the importance of listening
 
Mastering your conversation skills may first bring to mind improving how you speak. However, the art of a good conversation involves excellent listening skills. We can get so wrapped up in what we plan to say in our conversations that we lose our listening skills. As a result, we don’t pay attention to what the other person is saying.
 
Psychologists Carl Rogers and Richard Farson pioneered the concept of active listening. This is where you are fully focused on what the other person is saying.
 
In addition, you allow them the time to say their piece without interrupting to offer advice. While it may feel like there are some silences, these are important to allow your companion to say what they need to say. This demonstrates that you are really listening to them.
 
Respond appropriately
 
When you practice active listening, there needs to be an appropriate response when the other person has finished speaking. Another important conversation skill is the ability to summarise what you have heard.
 
This serves to reaffirm what the other person has said. Thus showing them that you listened and understand. Demonstrate you are interested in what they have to say by actively listening. Then you can be fully engaged in the conversation.
Ask questions
 
We have all been subjected to a one-sided conversation in our time. Experiencing someone purely talk about themselves can be frustrating. Our self-esteem is knocked if we feel that what we say is not valued. An excellent conversation skill to improve is the art of asking questions.
 
While we may not like to admit it, talking about ourselves is enjoyable. Therefore, asking the other person questions about what they are saying is a key way to ensure that you have a conversation to remember.
 
Find some similarities
 
Of course, you don’t want the conversation to be one-sided. A conversation is a two-way street after all. A good conversation skill to put to work which will get your own experiences and ideas into the conversation is to find a similarity between yourself and the person you are speaking with.
 
Finding common ground will help the conversation flow. It also won’t be surprising to hear that we generally like people more when they are similar to us. So this trick will help build relationships with both friends and work colleagues.
 
Body language
 
It isn’t just what we say that gets a good conversation going. It’s how we use non-verbal communication that is also a key conversation skill. Maintaining good eye contact is difficult.
 
However, it lets someone know you are engaged in the conversation. Facing someone as they speak is also a good way of letting them know they have your full attention.
Use names
 
Use a person’s name when you talk to them. You often see politicians do this. They create a powerful bond with the listener. This is because we intrinsically link an individual’s identity with their name.
 
For this reason, using a person’s name (and ensuring you say it correctly) is a good conversational skill to master. Especially when you have just met someone.
 
Saying their name will help someone feel endeared to you. You are attempting to capture their attention. Research has highlighted the importance of using names in our interactions. It demonstrates that using a person’s name can mean that they are more likely to help you and make a purchase from you.
 
Offer a compliment
 
It might sound cheesy, but complimenting someone is a great way to keep the conversation going. Especially if you feel like it is drawing to a close. Not only will it make the recipient feel good about themselves, but it will also open the door for another topic of conversation to continue.
 
Offering a compliment is also a great conversation starter. Particularly if you are searching for something to kick off the conversation.
 
There is nothing wrong with small talk
 
While some find small talk a bore, it is often the way to get into more fulfilling and deeper conversations. Small talk is an important conversation skill. It gets the conversation started. In fact, in some situations, it is incredibly useful.
 
For example, there is a range of topics that are common ground for many people. Just think of the weather, asking someone what they have done today, or commenting on an event you are both at.
Final Thoughts
 
Mastering the art of conversation and improving your conversation skills is an important string to have to your bow. It helps both your personal relationships and your professional ones. With these 8 science-based hacks, your conversations are sure to be more enriching and enjoyable.
 
References:
 
 

Lottie Miles

 


 
About the Author: Lottie Miles
 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 21:58
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Sexta-feira, 08 / 11 / 19

5 Types of Ruminating Thoughts and How to Deal with Them

By Sherrie Hurd

learning-mind.com

on November 8th, 2019.

 
ruminating thoughts.


 
 
Ruminating thoughts are different than just sorting through problems to find a solution. Rumination is not a healthy option.
 
Yes, I fall into ruminating and negative thoughts all the time. When you struggle with mental illness, it’s easy to do this sometimes.
 
 
Unfortunately, rumination is not a healthy thing to do. When you sit around and run scenarios through your head over and over, you never really come to a viable solution. And if you do reach a solution, it’s been built off more worry than logic.
 
Are ruminating thoughts our brain’s fault?
 
The thing is, ruminating on things and having worrying thoughts are fueled a great deal by the memory. We may remember how something went wrong in the past, recognize an approaching similar situation, and start to ruminate about how we’re going to deal with the issue.
 
This rumination, most times, upsets us. If the past situation was negative, then stress will set in and make us think even more about the near future. In a way, imprints on our brains do have an impact on how we ruminate about things right now. But the good news is we can learn how to deal with them.
 
A few types of ruminating thoughts:
 
1. Thinking too much and too hard
 
Sometimes rumination comes in the form of unorganized thought. You can start with one thought which leads to another and so on. Most of the time, you’re thinking about chores or errands which must be completed. Unfortunately, instead of things getting done, you sit for hours thinking about it.
 
How can we deal with this?
 
For heaven’s sake, just put on those brakes. Think about one thing at a time, do what you need to do, and then think about the next project. Meditation usually helps with organizing thoughts and changing ruminations that cause mind traffic jams. If you’re not familiar with meditation, now’s the time.
 
2. Making assumptions
 
Some ruminating thoughts are born from making assumptions about things that could be going on. For instance, just because you think someone is ignoring you, say they haven’t called in a while, doesn’t mean it’s true. And just because a friend answered in an angry tone doesn’t mean they’re angry with you.
 
After things like this happen, we often ruminate about our friends and acquaintances, and we wonder if something we’ve done is the problem. Thus, we make assumptions that may not even be true. We can make ourselves depressed for no reason at all.
 
How can we deal with this?
 
Well, the best way to deal with these sorts of thoughts is to keep in mind that you are not the center of the universe. Not everything going on is about you. Sorry to break it to you like that, but it’s true.
 
Your friends could be dealing with serious issues or having fights with other people, so be calm and just give it some time. Your assumption could be wrong.
 
3. Thoughts of expectations
 
Before you go out with your head held high, or with your head hanging low, think about how you’re using expectations. Ruminating and certain thought patterns cause unreal expectations to form.
 
Say you need a loan, and you believe you’re qualified, well, don’t go running to the bank thinking you got this loan in the bag. I made this mistake a few weeks ago. My credit was good and I had high expectations on the outcome. Unfortunately, I was turned down anyway.
 
The same goes for people. You shouldn’t sit around and ruminate on the high expectations you have for your wife or girlfriend. They might just let you down, and that will be depressing.
 
How can we deal with this?
 
Never put anyone or anything on a pedestal, and they won’t fall down. It’s as simple as that. Don’t think of your bank as “your buddy” just because you’ve lived in town for 20 years. If you aren’t qualified for a loan, you’re just not qualified.
 
As for people, no one is perfect, stop trying to create perfect boyfriends and friends. Find someone you can deal with or just lower your expectations. They’re probably way too high anyway.
 
4. Sitting around focusing on the negative
 
Many positive and negative things happen every day. But isn’t it strange how we focus so much more on the negative? A person can complete 15 positive tasks in one day and have two negative setbacks. Even though the positives outweigh the negative, the ruminating thoughts will focus on those two negative situations.
 
Many people sit around and think about one or two bad things that happened during their day, and then proclaim the day as a failure. How do you think the dread of Mondays began?
 
How can we deal with this?
 
It’s really hard to focus on positive things when you’ve been trained or raised to think negatively most of the time. There are people who just always think of the glass half empty and not half full.
 
If you’re one of those people, practice considering that the best will come out of a day instead of the worst, and celebrate those two positive things instead of giving so much time to the bad.
 
5. Knowing the future
 
Another type of ruminating that can take over your thoughts is thinking you know the future. Have you ever just sat by yourself and thought about how bad an event was going to be?
 
For some reason, someone you don’t like was going to be there, or last year’s event bombed, you know, something of the sort. Well, you’ve decided you’re a bonafide psychic, and you can read the future.
 
Ruminating is just torturing yourself with your “abilities”. Now, the truth is, no one knows the future, even if the same thing has happened for 50 years straight. Guess what, a change could occur in the 51st year. Now, that’s a fact.
 
How can we deal with this?
 
Just stop! You don’t know what will happen tomorrow and neither do I. So what, last years event was horrible. That doesn’t mean that this year won’t be the year that things go much better. You don’t know what will happen and you don’t know what people are going to do. Despite the past, the future has its own choice.
 
Challenging your way of thinking
 
Let me tell you, losing those ruminating thoughts is like starting your life all over from childhood. You have to retrain the way you think. It’s about your mindset.
 
 
It takes time to make such a large turnaround, but it can be done. Little by little your thoughts will start to take on a different form, and you won’t even believe what your own mind is thinking.
 
Am I in the process of working on this too? Why yes I am. Most of the things I write about are things I suffer from as well. No better example to help you get better and realize you’re not alone.
 
References:

 
 
Sherrie Hurd.

 

 




 

About the Author: Sherrie Hurd
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She is an advocate for mental health awareness and nutrition. Sherrie studied Psychology, Journalism, and Fine Arts, receiving an Associates in Marketing. She has written for Beacon, a southern college publication, and is an author of a full-length non-fiction novel. Sherrie spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 

 Archives:
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 
 
 
 
Free counters!

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tags: , , , , , , , ,
publicado por achama às 23:01
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Sexta-feira, 01 / 11 / 19

How Radical Acceptance Can Help You Get Through Life’s Challenges

By Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com.

November 1st, 2019.

 
radical acceptance.


 
There’s nothing wrong with relentlessly chasing after your dreams. But sometimes you have to practice radical acceptance.
 
There are books, presentations, and workshops that help us learn how to chase our dreams and reach certain goals. We are taught to never give up, for the most part. But there comes a time when everything we do or say cannot change a situation. We cannot control everything in our lives, no matter how hard we try.
 
Learning Radical Acceptance
 
There are many examples of how radical acceptance works. Sometimes, you’ve had to endure a form of abuse, and it was extremely painful, whether it was physical or mental. Over the years after the incident, you’ve gone through so much pain and struggled with issues and triggers.
 
First of all, you have to accept that the thing happened. It’s not that you’re accepting what they did to you, it’s just that you’re accepting the event occurred and helping yourself to move on from the heartache. It’s the same with infidelity, or losing a job, it hurts, but it’s already done. You have to find a way to go from that point to the next part of your life.
 
Yes, there’s this thing called radical acceptance, and it’s not something that always comes easy to us. In fact, it’s the opposite of pressing hard toward something that never seems to work. As most people are screaming “Don’t give up!”, there’s an acceptance blooming in the back of your head, and it’s covered with pain. It’s the pain of what we consider failure.
 
This sort of acceptance comes from failed attempts at different forms of success, like sports, for instance. You may keep pushing yourself to run faster than your opponent, but at some point, you may have to accept he’s just a faster runner. Maybe you can catch up and maybe you won’t.
A different look at radical acceptance
 
But radical acceptance isn’t a failure. It’s more like having the maturity to understand that not everything in this world can be controlled just so you can live a dream or reach a goal. And sometimes we create an end goal in our heads.
 
We see what we want to happen and we make this thought an absolute, meaning, we’re unwilling to have it any other way. That is what causes much of the pain and struggles we go through when we cannot accept a different way of life.
 
Of course, it doesn’t help when we live with someone who always seems to cause problems on a daily basis. Accepting their behavior can be difficult, and definitely hard to accept no matter how mature we are.
 
Sometimes, in severe circumstances, we have to distance ourselves from these people in order to take away the constant day to day struggles they seem to cause.
 
What happens when we resist change
 
When we refuse to accept something that goes against what we want, we resist. This resistance is the thing that causes suffering. When we lose someone we love, no, we don’t have to be okay with it, but we do have to accept it.
 
Otherwise, we will suffer from much longer than we should. We are actually resisting the very nature of death, and you know this is a losing battle.
What happens when we accept the “unacceptable”?
 
Just because we accept the “unacceptable” doesn’t mean we approve of what’s happening. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’ve agreed with something just because you don’t fight it tooth and nail. Maybe they choose to fight until all their hair falls out, but radical movements where we accept reality can keep us sane.
 
When we’re finally able to accept our circumstances and the fact that some factors absolutely cannot be changed, we open up a new avenue of thought. We open up the acceptance of the change.
 
If you’re anything like me, you’re not really fond of change. But with this change, there are different routes that spring up, and various ideas you may have never considered.
So, how do we practice radical acceptance?
 
Truth be told, this process may take a while for you to get used to. Very few of us want to accept what we don’t like. However, it takes accepting three important realities – the past, the present, and the future. We must accept what has happened and be at peace with that fact.
 
We must accept our present situation and do our best to live the life we deserve, but sometimes in acceptance. As far as the future goes, we shouldn’t guess.
 
 
We cannot know what the future brings and we shouldn’t make promises we possibly might break, we shouldn’t plan for things so much that we leave little room for change, and we should never take charge of the future of someone else’s life either.
 
When taking on radical acceptance, we should understand that although our circumstances may not be the way we like them, we can learn a way to honor the way they are. I think accepting some things in our lives can be just as fulfilling as fighting toward what we want. Again, like many things in life, it requires a healthy balance.
 
References:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Sherrie Hurd.

 

 




 

About the Author: Sherrie Hurd
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She is an advocate for mental health awareness and nutrition. Sherrie studied Psychology, Journalism, and Fine Arts, receiving an Associates in Marketing. She has written for Beacon, a southern college publication, and is an author of a full-length non-fiction novel. Sherrie spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 

 Archives:
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 

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Segunda-feira, 15 / 07 / 19

Sisu: The Finnish Concept of Inner Strength and How to Adopt It ~ Jamie Logie

Sisu: The Finnish Concept of Inner Strength and How to Adopt It.

By Jamie Logie.

July 14, 2019. 

 
sisu finnish inner strength.

 

 

You have more strength in you than you even realize, but how do you bring it out?

Sisu is a Finnish concept based on grit, bravery, and resilience. Sisu is all about having a real stoic determinism and is something that the people of Finland pride themselves on. We may call it “having a stiff upper lip“, but it goes much deeper than that.
This article will look at what Sisu is all about, and how you can adopt it for yourself.

What Does Sisu Really Mean?

I mentioned some of its traits, but we can see Sisu as the ultimate form of courage. It’s about what you do when your back is up against the wall and all the odds are against you.

It’s all about sticking to a course of action and not backing down no matter what adversity you face. No matter the odds you may be up against, Sisu allows you to not be overcome by them.

We can see a popular culture example of this in Han Solo in The Empire Strikes Back. When faced with certain doom from an attack by the Empire, Han Solo – with his back against the wall – takes the Millenium Falcon into an asteroid field.

Something that’s considered a suicide mission. He is informed by C3-PO that the chances of successfully surviving an asteroid field are 3720:1, to which Solo responds, “Never tell me the odds…”.

This is an easy way of looking at Sisu as it’s all about displaying courage in the face of overwhelming adversity – and insurmountable odds. 

How Long Has This Concept Been Around?

Sisu goes back hundreds of years and is one of the foundations of Finnish culture. It’s thought to be one of the best ways to understand what the Fins are truly all about. The country has always prided themselves in going beyond one’s own mental or physical capacity, and Sisu is what represents their people.
Sisu has been explained as the word that describes Finland and that “it’s the most wonderful of all their words“. This became popularized during the famous “Winter War” when the Fins were invaded by the Soviet Union. This occurred during 1939-40 and it’s when Sisu came to the forefront.
Time Magazine noted that the “Sisu” displayed by the Fins was all about tenacity. It was about the ability to keep fighting long after others would quit.
The Fins were able to take the war into Russian territory while at the same time withstanding brutal attacks by a reinforced Russian army. This allowed them to gain the upper hand as the Fins could fight in harsh conditions with no sense of throwing in the towel.
Sisu is all about bravery, bravado, and ferocity.

More Examples of Sisu

Sisu applies well to matters of war and battles, but is it something notable in a modern, non-military aspect? Most people forget that one of the biggest phone companies – Nokia – is actually Finnish. As the wireless phone market grew more intense, Nokia could hang on despite many odds being stacked up against them.
Nokia was constantly able to overcome many obstacles going into the mid-2000s and the “guts” they had displayed allowed them to stick around in the industry.
This was chalked up to the Sisu shown by Nokia’s executives. The CEO of Nokia noted how this unique Finnish quality allowed them to persevere and have endurance where other companies would falter.
We can see Steve Jobs as possessing Sisu as he refused to ever throw in the towel. He had an intensity and endurance that others couldn’t match. For Jobs, it was all about being relentless and not giving in to create the best products possible. No was never an option.
Even being forced to leave the company that he started only made him embrace this white-knuckle courage to push forward and come back stronger than ever turning Apple into one of the biggest companies in history.

Where Does Sisu Come From and How Do You Adopt It?

With the Fins, it’s considered having developed because of their harsh Nordic winters. To survive in an environment like that takes the ultimate in perseverance and courage.
But it’s also seen as a product of genetics, biology, psychological, and social factors. Some of it may be in you, but it’s also able to be nurtured through your environment.
This may be a social construct, but the concept of Sisu can exist in anyone. Some people have this “never give up” mindset from the day they are born – but it’s still possible to develop it.

It all comes down to your thought process and mindset.

If you grow up in an environment that fosters this approach, it will be easier for it to become naturally engrained in you. It may be the culture that allows Sisu to exist in you more than it is genetics.
This means you want to surround yourself with people who have these traits as they are more likely to rub off on you.
If Sisu is something you don’t think you have – and you want to adopt it – it means getting out of your comfort zone and exposing yourself to people – and situations – where resilience is common. Over time, you will embrace the qualities that allow you to persevere and not back down.

It also means retraining the way you think.

Your brain is like a muscle and it needs repetition to get stronger and more developed. Positive thinking – where you tell yourself to be determined and resilient – will eventually become second nature.
You need to catch yourself every time you doubt or second-guess yourself and remember that it’s just your mind telling you these things. You can train your mind, the problem is it’s we have bombarded it with negative self-talk because of the environment and culture we find ourselves in – so it takes work.
When you continue to reinforce the idea of Sisu in your mind, you will find that the perception of it has now become a reality.
References:
  1. http://www.bbc.com/
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/
  3. https://www.sciencedaily.com/
 
About the Author: Jamie Logie

 Jamie Logie is a personal trainer, nutritionist, and health & wellness specialist. Jamie also studied sociology and psychology at Western University and has a counseling diploma from Heritage Baptist College. He has run a blog and top-rated podcast on iTunes called "Regained Wellness". Jamie is also a contributing writer for places like the Huffington Post, Thrive Global, LifeHack and has an Amazon #1 book called "Taking Back Your Health".



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 

 Archives:
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 19:41
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Sábado, 13 / 07 / 19

Naikan Reflection: How This Japanese Technique Transforms Your Relationships ~ Francesca F.

Naikan Reflection: 

How This Japanese Technique Transforms Your Relationships.

By Francesca F.

July 12th, 2019. 

 

 

Naikan Reflection helps us to better understand ourselves and others in our various relationships.
Relationships are complicated, and it is always easier to focus on the bad parts than the good. Naikan Reflection is a form of genuine self-reflection which aims to help us understand our relationships better.

By understanding the bigger picture, we can see the nuances of a relationship. Most significantly, you may find yourself recognizing cycles of negative behavior, or having a greater respect for what others do for you.

What Is Naikan Reflection?

Naikan Reflection is a structured method of self-reflection which helps us to get a more realistic sense of our relationships with others. It was developed by Japanese businessman and devoted Jodo Shinshu Buddhist, Yoshimoto Ishin.

Those who practice it claim that it helps them to understand themselves and others with who they have relationships.
The Three Questions of Naikan Reflection

Naikan Reflection is based on three key questionswhich help us to reflect on our relationships with others, from friends to family, co-workers to acquaintances.
  1. What have I received from…?
  2. What have I given to…?
  3. What troubles and difficulties have I caused…?
There is a logical fourth question in this series which is ‘What troubles and difficulties have… caused me?’ This question was purposefully ignored because of the belief that this question is responsible for too much misery in daily life.
One of the most important aspects of Naikan Reflection is that it assumes we are all naturally good at seeing an answer to this fourth question. In contrast, true knowledge comes from a little introspection.

Three Different Methods to Practice Naikan Reflection

The general method of practicing Naikan Reflection is to answer these questions in detail.
  • Examine first what you have received from others.
There are times we receive things from others without understanding the sacrifices they made or the thought they gave it. Take the time to understand this and to whom you should be grateful.
  • Next, consider what you have given to others.
We are all susceptible to self-criticism. Taking the time to understand how you are capable of helping others can change our perception of ourselves.
As a result, this is a valuable tool because it helps to boost self-esteem and change our mindset. When we see the good in what we have done without making a conscious effort, we can see the good we are capable of in the future.
  • The final question is not the easiest to answer.
We never like to point fingers at ourselves; doing so can be difficult. Yet, we must understand the hardships we have caused others to truly be introspective. When we see what difficulties we have caused others, we can begin to understand and even repair those relationships.
There are three main ways Naikan Reflection can be practiced, so you can find the right method for you.

Daily Naikan (Nichijo Naikan)

Daily Naikan Reflection takes only 20 to 30 minutes before falling asleep. Sit in a quiet place and minimize distractions. Consider the three questions of Naikan and answer them in relation to the events of the day.
Try to be as specific as you can rather than generalize about ‘receiving food’ or ‘gave assistance.’ It may seem trivial, but it is important to recognize what you should be grateful for and what you offer others.
This method is the simplest. It also keeps the self-reflection we do present in our daily lives.

Naikan Reflection on a Person

Naikan Reflection can be done in reference to a specific person. This method takes a little longer because it focuses on the entire relationship, beginning to end. Start with how you met, and slowly work your way through the ups and downs of the relationship chronologically.
Naikan Reflection on a person gives us greater insight and respect for a particular person. You may focus on a few weeks, or a few years, giving yourself a detailed account of hard times with the gift of hindsight.
You will be able to see how the relationship has strengthened or may be weakened. However, you will be able to see the situation as a whole.

A Naikan Retreat (Schuchu Naikan)

Naikan Retreats can be a scheduled event, or it can be something you venture to do alone. Taking yourself away for a set amount of time to a quiet and secluded place can be mind-opening.
Venture to a peaceful and private spot and give yourself nothing to do but reflect. View your life chronologically and assess all of your relationships in turn.
This is the most intense version of self-reflection and it can take some time to work up to this. However, those who take part in such retreats have profound and life-changing experiences. What is important is that you are sincere and committed to the experience.

Why self-reflection is important

Self-reflection is deeply entrenched in many of the world’s spiritual cultures. There are many different methods of self-reflection which can help open your mind to all that life is.
Naikan Reflection is simply one of many of these methods, but it helps us to form closer bonds through the understanding of our relationships.
Most importantly, practicing this reflection helps us to recognize the importance of others and the positive impact we can have in the lives of others.
References:
  1. https://minds.wisconsin.edu
  2. https://oxfordre.com

 

 

  1.  

 

 

 

 

About the Author: Francesca F.

Francesca is a freelance writer currently studying a degree in Law and Philosophy. She has written for several blogs in a range of subjects across Lifestyle, Relationships and Health and Fitness. Her main pursuits are learning new innovative ways of keeping fit and healthy, as well as broadening her knowledge in as many areas as possible in order to achieve success.
 
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2018 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
 
 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 22:44
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