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Sábado, 25 / 01 / 20

7 Micromanagement Examples in Family, Friend Circles, and the Workplace

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 24th, 2020.

 
 


 
There are so many micromanagement examples because there are so many ways this controlling behavior can be used.

Micromanaging is basically a form of control, although it can seem a bit more subtle in operation. For example, those who are guilty of micromanaging usually don’t even know they are doing this. They see their hovering or helping as just that, helping someone improve their life. They do this even when no one’s asked them to.

Why is micromanaging wrong?

This sort of behavior is wrong for several reasons. For one, you cannot control what others do. Although you may succeed in controlling behavior for a while, ultimately, people are going to do what they want.

Micromanaging doesn’t allow people to learn. Basically, it does things for them or takes away their ideas and exchanges them for what the controller thinks is a better option. Just like these people aren’t always aware of what they do, we aren’t always aware of the signs that someone we know does this either. There are ways to discover the behavior, however.

What are some micromanagement examples?

1. You would have done things differently

Here’s an example of micromanaging: No matter how someone completes a project, you see a different way that, to you, would have been better.

Not only do you see this in your mind and roll it over in your head, you tell them about it. You tell your coworker, friend, or partner, that there would have been a much better way of cleaning at work or planning a party with friends. It doesn’t matter, because you think you know what’s best.

2. You have to know everything about everything

Micromanaging also includes the nasty habit of being aware of absolutely everything.

For instance, if a mother is a micromanager when her child returns from school, she will want to know every single detail of the child’s day. From the time they got off the bus until the moment they arrived home, all this must be known because this urgency, which a micromanager usually has, can be softened.

3. Help has become control

There’s a big difference between being helpful and being controlling. If you want to help someone, whether at work or at home, that’s fine. You can offer solutions and ideas.

However, if you force someone to do things your way right from the start, you are simply being controlling. There’s no pretty way to say it. For couples, controlling behavior that comes from micromanaging can become extremely fierce.

4. You’re making huge decisions for others

There are some things that even children need to decide for themselves. One example is when a teen is nearing graduation, and they have to pick a college they wish to attend. If you micromanage, you will push your teenager toward the college that YOU prefer, not the college that pricks their interests.

Micromanaging in this area can affect the entire course of your child’s life and their dreams. Think about it. What if your child wishes to play a certain sport, and the college you push them to join doesn’t allow them to major in that sport. You could scar your child and make them think much differently about you.

5. Removing motivation when mistakes are made

One of the typical examples of micromanagement is when motivation or morale is removed due to a simple mistake. This happens so often in the workplace, for example, when someone makes a small mistake that can easily be fixed.

A supervisor who micromanages will punish the employee for the small mistake, and not even show them why the mistake was made. This kills morale, and honestly, it can cause more mistakes to be made as well. This is one of the reasons that so many people are fired from their jobs. It can be avoided by eliminating micromanaging.

6. Mothers are too protective

Did you know that if you are too protective of your child, even as a toddler, you can sow seeds of dependence on others? That’s right. Micromanaging your child, for instance, on playdates with other children, will teach the child that you will always step in to save them. It will remove responsibility as well.

Hey, trust me, I know grown men who’ve been protected in this manner and cannot take the blame for anything. Mothers, in order to not be a micromanagement example, you have to let children work through their difficulties just a bit before you and the other parents step in to help and sort things out.

7. You’re making someone feel inferior

This example can be used with work relationships, family situations, and even couples. Micromanaging in a way that you are putting yourself on a pedestal not only looks stupid, but it also makes people feel inferior. It trains them to just go along with whatever you say because they are used to doing so.

So when they do have great ideas, you will be the last one to know about, and the last one to celebrate when ideas create something great worthy of a reward.

In reality, it is just control

Just face it, you want to control everything so everything cannot control you. It’s fear at its worst. At least that’s one reason why you, the micromanager, do this. So, you know that it must stop in order to live a normal life.

If this is not you, and you’re dealing with this, always remember your worth, and keep fighting to be heard. Try to show micromanagers what they’re actually doing to you and to themselves, and maybe they will be willing to get better.

I sure do hope so.


 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 02:00
Sexta-feira, 24 / 01 / 20

4 Examples of Sublimation That Demonstrate How It Works in Daily Life

Lauren Edwards-Fowle.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 23rd, 2020.

 
 
 
 
We all have thoughts and feelings which we know are ‘not okay’ by society’s standards. It’s a natural element of the human condition. What sets humans apart from animals is not a lack of animal impulses, but rather how we manage our animal impulses. One of the techniques we subconsciously use is sublimation. Following is a brief discussion of the theory and a set of examples of sublimation in progress, to help crystallise the concept in your minds.

The Theory of Sublimation

The concept of psychological sublimation finds its roots in the work of Sigmund Freud. Although his theories are contentious these days, there are some fascinating facets to his beliefs about the human mind.

Freud divided the human psyche into three distinct aspects. The Id, our ‘animal brain,’ is home to impulses and urges. The superego, which is the expression of society’s morality, engineers our behaviour to comply with morals, laws and expectations. Last but not least, the ego, which continually works to find the balance between the two.

One of the ways in which the ego balances out the Id’s impulses and the superego’s lofty ideals is through a set of defence mechanisms. These include repression, reaction formation, projection, denial, regression, intellectualisation, rationalisation, displacement and, you guessed it, sublimation.

What Is Sublimation?

But what is sublimation? In essence, it’s the phasing of one thing into another. In chemistry, it’s the transformation of a solid into a gas, in psychology it’s the channelling of inappropriate impulses into positive and productive behaviours.

Instead of reacting in extreme anger, you might clean the house, or go for a run. Instead of sexually propositioning a person, you might write poetry or dance. This can be done consciously but happens most of the time subconsciously.

The process of sublimation protects us from the anxiety around having unacceptable thoughts and urges, preventing us from being negatively impacted by them. Channelling animalistic and primitive impulses into positive outlets preserves our social relationships, our social standing, and essential elements of our lives like jobs and our ability to support ourselves.

It can also act on positive feelings if we subconsciously believe they are too good to last, to protect us from disappointment. In this form, sublimation can become part of the self-sabotaging tendencies people often subconsciously enact when things are going well.

Examples of Sublimation

Sublimation happens mostly subconsciously. We may, therefore, be unaware that this is one of our coping mechanisms. Still, most of the following examples of sublimation apply to the majority of people at some point or another in their lives.

Physical Activity

Competitive sports is one productive way in which aggressive or dominant personality types channel their impulses. Rather than fight or dominate other people, they metaphorically crush them on the sports field. It can be seen as a human version of the ritualised challenges for territory or females that occur in the animal world. A few examples of how sublimation works in full swing might be combat or contact sports and racing.

Often if people feel frustrated, angry, and scattered, or if they are sexually aroused, they go for a run, for a walk, to the gym, use their punching bag etc. These are also sublimation examples. In this way, our mind converts the unacceptable urge to lash out or to have sex with strangers into a beneficial activity.

Chores and menial tasks

Another typical example of sublimation is the conversion of inappropriate urges into useful, menial tasks that, let’s be honest, may otherwise never get done. Instead of being unfaithful to your partner, you pull the weeds out of your flower-beds. Rather than obsessively micro-manage your children, you purge and re-organise all of your belongings.

When you feel like yelling at or confronting your boss, you tidy your desk-space. If your anxiety is causing you deeply distressing and troubling thoughts, you scrub the kitchen and bathrooms clean.

Creative Pursuits

Creativity is a prevalent alternative to inappropriate urges and impulses, most frequently when it comes to sexual sublimation. Instead of sexually accosting a particular person, an example of sublimating your sexual desire might be turning to paint, drawing, sculpting, writing, or any form of craft.

Another example of using creativity to sublimate socially frowned-upon emotions is the transferring of depression, sadness, anxiety or addiction into works of art. Through poetry, story-telling, or other artistic pursuits, negative emotions are channelled into socially valued expressions.

Life-Paths

People’s chosen life-paths can often be expressions of their sublimated urges and desires. Successful managers or administrators have a strong passion for control, micro-managing and organisation. Another example of sublimation might be leadership roles. People in positions of authority often have a need to be obeyed, listened to, feared, loved or respected, that is satisfied through the successful fulfilment of their jobs.

On the darker end of the scale, someone with an urge to cut or harm people might train to be a surgeon, or someone with aggressive tendencies might join the military or the police.

Can we consciously choose sublimation?

Sublimation is, for the most part, a mature subconscious way of dealing with inappropriate urges and impulses. Using the above examples of sublimation and with the help of mental health professionals, train yourself to recognise it. You can then try to identify the urge or impulse your ego is working to conceal.

The crucial element in sublimating consciously is to accept, recognise and validate your feelings, before determining which activity to channel them into. There is no such thing as an inappropriate feeling, only inappropriate or harmful actions. Once you are aware of the urges your ego is hiding from you, you can consciously sublimate them into the activity of your choice.

 

Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 

 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle


 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 09:36
Sexta-feira, 24 / 01 / 20

Morning Depression: Why You Wake Up Feeling Depressed and How to Cope

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 23rd, 2020.

 
 


 
Did you wake up depressed and tired? The good news is there are ways to help. A diurnal variation known as morning depression happens to more people than you think.

Sometimes these changes in overall mood happen rapidly and randomly. The strange thing is, people often just think it’s grogginess or a normal process of waking up, but it’s not. Morning depression is characterized by several symptoms that may differ from the normal process of waking.


Symptoms of morning depression

This diurnal variation can cause similar symptoms to normal waking moods, especially negative feelings, but they are a bit different. First of all, a person with a case of depression that originates in the morning will have severe difficulty waking up. This can be even to the point of physically forcing oneself out of bed at all.

There will also be a difficulty in clear thinking, so talking about important subjects wouldn’t be advisable. Morning depression causes over-sleeping, and then when you’re finally out of bed, routine tasks will be hard to complete. It’s like a cloud is there already, hanging over your head before you even wake.

Why do we feel this way?

While there aren’t any rock-solid causes of morning depression, there are a few ideas about why this may happen. Hormonal problems may be the culprit of these issues, as you have two major players in the sleep/wake cycle: melatonin and cortisol.

If these hormones are displaced, say melatonin is more prevalent during the day, you will feel tired and fatigued. Melatonin is created to help you fall asleep, and if it’s not regulated correctly, your circadian rhythms will be off. This can greatly affect the way you feel the following morning.

Other contributors to feeling depressed in the morning could be substance abuse, medical conditions, trauma or genetic causes. There are many reasons, you see. So it’s important to understand how to cope with variation in emotions, so we can start off the day in the right way.

Ways to cope with this depression

1. Improving sleep environment

Making improvements in your sleep environment can change the way you feel when you wake up. This is because these changes help you sleep better, thus you feel better in general. Some things to consider when setting up your sleep environment:

  • turn off televisions,
  • keep the room dark and cool,
  • eliminate any other distractions.
  • Usually, your mood can be a bit lighter if you’re not still fighting sleeplessness.


2. Wake up earlier

If you have depression in the morning, and you sleep as long as you can before work, then change this. Instead, get up earlier and do something before you have to get ready for work. It really doesn’t matter what you do as long as it’s productive and you stay busy. Why does this help? It’s because doing something in the morning before work reduces morning humdrum and you feel more energized for your job.

3. Turn on the lights immediately

As soon as you wake up, either open a curtain or switch on an overhead light. Light is a great weapon against depression because of how depression interacts with vitamin D. If you can get up and quickly open that window, you are letting natural light come into the room and lifting your mood. It’s amazing how fast this works. After a while, depression in the morning will be greatly reduced.

4. Keep it consistent

Keeping your sleep patterns consistent, in the first place, eliminates much of the blues you feel when you wake up. It feels more natural to get up, and you stand a better chance of getting a full 6-8 hours of sleep during the night. Since the body and mind are connected, and the body needs enough rest, then keeping it consistent is just a smart move.

5. Refrain from caffeine before bedtime

Never drink coffee or soda right before bedtime. Although these beverages provide temporary energy, they can cause grogginess in the morning time. And when I say bedtime, this would actually be best consumed before 6 or 8 p.m. to reduce the chances of having an effect on your sleep.

6. Stop ruminating before sleep

You know those worries and situations you haven’t figured out yet, yeah, those cause a lack of sleep. Lack of sleep means feeling worse in the morning. Those thoughts you entertain for some time even for hours as you lay in the dark can also resurface as soon as you wake up.

This is because you’ve meditated on problems instead of calm meditations and trying to clear the mind. I’ve found that laying in bed thinking about shapes and putting them together is a good way to help me drift off to sleep. I usually feel better when I wake.  I think it’s because exercises like that are simplistic and calming.

7. Prepare for the morning routines

Before you go to bed, maybe lay out the clothes you will wear to work or your children’s clothing. You can prepare part of breakfast, you can make notes as reminders of things so you won’t forget, and stuff of that nature.

Did you know that those ruminations at night are sometimes trying not to forget something for the next day? Making preparations for the next morning can reduce depression simply because it reduces stress.

It’s time to wake up refreshed!

Wouldn’t it feel good to wake up with a spring in your step and a smile on your face? Yeah, I bet you pictured a silly cartoon character jumping out of bed. Well, it’s possible to get close to this feeling and ward off quite a bit of morning depression.

So, try these things, try something you haven’t done before. Instead of just falling into bed, try creating a place that your body and mind will enjoy waking up to. I know I’m going to try a few of these for myself.


 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 09:35
Sexta-feira, 17 / 01 / 20

6 Narrative Therapy Tricks to Use to Calm Down Your Anxiety

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 17th, 2020.

 
 


 
 
Feeling anxious makes you feel bad about yourself sometimes. But narrative therapy shows us that many things are not as they seem.
 
During the struggles of mental illness, I fought for my self-esteem and worth, and I’m still fighting. And when I say “fought”, I mean, kicking and screaming inside my head. I also mean feeling like I was some monster for being different. I am no monster, and it took years to discover that.
 
The thing is, there are ways to separate yourself from your problem, and that’s what I had to do. One of those ways was the use of narrative therapy.
 
What Is Narrative Therapy?
 
You know, most people have never heard of this type of therapy. I know I hadn’t. Not until now. Anyway, narrative therapy does a couple of things to help you get past anxiety and other mental issues.
 
Narrative therapy was developed by a couple of therapists from New Zealand, Michael White and David Epston. Their basic beliefs in this concept were that most individuals aren’t bad, they make mistakes or have problems. There is no one to blame – there is no-one to blame, not even themselves. The therapist doesn’t seem themselves as better than the patient. They speak at the same level.
 
Now, this doesn’t cover the fact that some people really do choose to be negative individuals and purposely do bad things. Yes, they do.
 
But for those who are trying, and keep making the same mistakes, especially through anxiety disorders, bipolar disorders, or any other issues of this nature, narrative work seems to help them. It seems they’ve labeled themselves as anxiety instead of looking out at their anxiety as a separate thing.
 
How to use narrative therapy to heal yourself:
 
1. Unearthing the real problem
 
In so many situations, problems are vague. Anxiety can become a full force at the simple mention of a break-up, or a disagreement among family members. With therapy that focuses on a narrative – rather a story, problems can be solved a bit easier.
 
It’s like the term, “getting to the root of the problem”. Which, honestly, is exactly what it is. Before you can fix a problem or stop a process which could be a mistake, you have to remove the veil of uncertainty and find out what started the issues and how the problem progressed.
 
2. Change how you see your issues
 
So, let’s say you have anxiety. I bet you usually say things like, “ I hate having anxiety”, or “I’m such an anxious person” This is the opposite of what you should be doing.
 
Instead of seeing anxiety as something you have, visualize it as something that has an effect on you. You are not your problem. You are a human being, as good as any who just happens to deal with anxious feelings at times. Practice seeing anxiety as external.
 
3. See it as a battle
 
One narrative trick which serves as great therapy is the battle technique. When you’re going through something stressful and you make it out the other side, then cheer for your win! You have won the battle, and you’ve learned another way to combat things like anxiety.
 
Keep a record of all the ways you win your battle, and you won’t forget these things. You can also work on other weapons to use against your problems.
 
4. Using existentialism
 
When dealing with anxiety, you see the world as having a definite meaning to you. It does, in a way, and yet, it doesn’t have to either. What is the real meaning? What point is there really in what we’re doing and what we’re not doing?
 
If we fail, yes, we may hurt people or we may feel hurt within, but in the big picture, the meaning is what you want it to be. If you’re having anxious feelings, see the world as a different place, see your situation as a new one.
 
Your existence is just that, an existence, and this can be driven in any direction, helping you alleviate the anxiety of where you presently are.
 
5. Accept that you have negative feelings
 
Okay, there is one certainty that cannot be changed, and narrative therapy can help you deal with this. Yes, you feel anxious sometimes, yes, you lose your temper, but acknowledging the fact can help you see ways to make things better or learn to harness your self-control.
 
With anxiety, panic attacks may be extremely difficult to control, sometimes uncontrollable alone, but acceptance allows you to find ways to improve by yourself or get the support that is needed.
 
6. Name your problem
 
If you have anxiety, give it a name like “jitters”, or “flutters”. You may have to give it a darker name like “darkness” or “the monkey on my back”. Hey, I think that one is kind of funny, and can even help you laugh a bit during the suffering.
 
But basically, how this name-calling works is that it makes sure you never identify with your anxiety or other problems again. It makes sure you see those things as bothersome pests and you sometimes battle and defeat. It’s like a story of success, like a narrative and a therapy that really works.
 
What will your story be?
 
No one with an anxiety disorder feels okay about it. That is until they’ve found a successful way of dealing with all the symptoms. I think the worst part of anxiety is the lost time experienced when were so busy just staying calm – when we’re missing recitals, games, appointments, and other important things.
 
It’s also harsh when we refuse to invite people over, go to parties or even take forever to actually make new friends. Anxiety is, for me, my “monster”, and I hate it. It’s not me, and I will continue to try new ways to break out of its grip. Using these narrative therapies can help you too. Let’s try them together.

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com
 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 
 
publicado por achama às 09:07
Quinta-feira, 16 / 01 / 20

7 Signs You Are an Overly Critical Person and How to Stop Being One

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 16th, 2020.

 
 

 
 
You may think that you aren’t an overly critical person until you read about it. If you are, you can learn how to stop.
 
I am an overly critical person. There, I went ahead and admitted a fact about myself. To be honest, in the last few months, I’ve realized quite a bit of unhealthy aspects of my personality. But instead of letting it drag me down, I choose to work on this issue and get better. Are you overly critical?
 
What is an overly critical person?
 
You won’t recognize that you’re criticizing and judging people until it’s been done to you, or until you start reading about the signs. You may think the way you operate is normal, and your intentions are to help others be better people.
 
But remember, every human is an individual, and criticism doesn’t change them, it shouldn’t. If anything is to be changed, it should be done by the one who wants to change. Do you see my point? Well, in case you don’t understand, read on…
 
Signs of criticizing way too much:
 
1. A negative upbringing
 
Unfortunately, so many of us were surrounded by negative people when we were children. Our mothers, our fathers, even extended family members constantly talked about other people, and judged individuals on one trait, or what they wear.
 
If you grew up listening to all this negativity, you may still think it’s normal to criticize people and judge them. Yes, this trait of being overly critical can be deep indeed.
 
2. Labeled a negative person
 
If the people who are close to you are saying that you’re negative all the time, then it might be time to evaluate yourself.
 
No, you don’t have to take everything a person says to heart, but when family and friends repeatedly tell you to stop being so judgemental, then you probably need to change that fact and try to be more positive. If you’re used to being negative, this will be hard to do, but it will be so worth it when results show.
 
3, Micromanaging is second nature
 
If someone in your household is repairing a window or cooking a meal, it will be almost impossible for you to let them do it without your help – moreover, it does not really help, it’s the fact that you will tell them all the ways they’re doing it wrong. You may even take hold of the tools or utensils and do a bit of the work to show them.
 
This is a glaring indication that you are much too critical of others and what they do.
 
4. You have a mental disorder
 
I hate mentioning this one again because it seems to be a growing issue. However, if you have a mental disorder, you may also have a problem with criticizing people. Paranoia will make youconstantly ask questions about how someone is completing a task. Anxiety will make you criticize almost everything, honestly.
 
I do this. If I don’t have consistency, then something is wrong. If someone looks shady, then I will say they’re shady. Yes, I am embarrassed to admit it, but mental illness can cause us to become extremely judgmental while we wish others weren’t so judgemental of us. So, when we fight the stigma, remember, let’s fight the judgment in ourselves as well.
 
5. Nothing is completely enjoyable
 
Do you know those people who go out and have a good time and come home smiling? Yeah, I’m not one of them. I want to be, and I want it so badly I could scream. You will recognize the overly critical person by the fact that they find something wrong with everything.
 
You could simply be going to see a movie, and they will complain about some trivial little things like too many previews. Ordinary people enjoy the movie and go home happy. No matter how fun the day is, the critical people will find the fault – we will find the crack in perfection.
 
6. You’re always moody
 
An overly critical person will always be moody, whether they have depression or not. That’s because not everyone else is doing things as you would do them.
 
For instance, a critical person can get angry because someone forgets to open the door for them. This could have been a one-time incident, but they will label it as being inconsiderate. There are so many things that moody people notice and it makes them even darker.
 
7. You complain all the time
 
A critical person will complain so much that they prepare themselves for the bad day they will have, no kidding. I got in the habit for a while of waking up and immediately wondering how someone was going to make me mad at some point during the day. I should have been thankful and thinking about all the time I had to get good things done.
 
Then when people come around, and something isn’t right, like you expected, you complain. You complain if you get too much attention, you complain if you aren’t, you complain if it rains, you complain if it stays dry and hot. No matter how wonderful the day is, a constant critical person will make it tarnished.
How do we stop this?
 
So, since I do this too, we gotta learn to stop together, right? I’ve been reading up on some material that’s starting to help me with this problem. If that critical thinking is deep-rooted in childhood, then when you start thinking that way, remember where it comes from and say a resounding “NO!”
 
What this does is it reminds you that you are not your ancestors, and you can see the world in a different way.
 
If you suffer from a mental disorder, then working with your therapist and telling them ALL the truth about your day will help them find ways to turn your thought process around. It’s all about your mindset.
 
I’ve learned that. You see, you’ve set your mind to bad, and gradually, with small steps, you can set it to good. Instead of saying, “Oh god, I wonder what crap I will have to put up with the day.”, say,“Oh, I am so excited to start this new day!”
 
For the complainers, practice finding at least one good thing about the person you’re criticizing. For the ones who criticize even their fun times, try to only have fun and ignore those pestering thoughts telling you that the drive was too long, or the bathrooms were too dirty.
 
It’s all about practice, you see. It’s bettering yourself a little bit every day. If you fail, just try again. Don’t let others’ negative remarks spark your negativity. Return a negative comment with a nice one. It will startle them and they will get confused. I’ve been doing this lately.

 

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
 

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Alternative to Google
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Alternative to YouTube
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 18:45
Segunda-feira, 13 / 01 / 20

Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness and How to Do It

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

January 10, 2020

 



 
 
I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all been wronged in some way. Whether it’s a nasty break-up, betrayal by a friend, or an old school bully, once we hold a grudge against them, it’s hard to let go. Letting go of grudges is good for our health, but it’s hard to do.
 
We say we’ve forgiven, but we don’t forget. Sometimes, a grudge can last a lifetime. It’s time to start letting go of the grudges we hold and start fresh with a healthier new outlook.
 
 
We hold grudges for a whole host of reasons. Psychologists have suggested that we use grudges to define ourselves and excuse our bad behavior. We write off our coldness, mistrust and sometimes plain rudeness, as the result of past hurt.
 
Some suggest that we are holding grudges as a subconscious way to get sympathy and extra kindnessthat we didn’t get initially. This is especially true with victims of school-aged bullies. At the time, there was little support for the hardship. As an adult, if we tell our stories, others will feel bad for us. We hold onto our grudges towards these bullies, so we can keep re-telling the story.
 
While those reasons might require more intensive thought, some other reasons can be more superficial. We might consider holding a grudge to be a form of revenge. Never letting go of the grudge means never letting the offender get away with their crimes.
 
The reality is, those who wronged you probably aren’t even aware of your reserved hostility, or even worse, they don’t care. Instead of holding onto this pain, perhaps it’s time to work on letting go of these grudges.
 
Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness
 
They Serve No Purpose
 
If psychologists are correct in their theories on holding grudges, then we can see that the reasons are never beneficial. Holding onto the anger or pain won’t help us to heal from the hurt. It won’t undo the damage done in the past.
 
Grudges won’t serve as a kind of revenge. Even if the offender is begging for forgiveness, there is no benefit to YOU by never letting go of the grudge.
 
They’re Bad for Your Health
 
A number of studies have shown that holding onto grudges can cause a serious decline in health. Having a grudge to carry with you means you’re repeatedly becoming angry every time the memory comes to your mind. We certainly all know by now that anger has a negative effect on our health. Constantly recurring anger is dangerous.
 
Anger, and in turn holding grudges, can lead to increases in heart rate and blood pressure. When we’re angered, our body’s stress response is triggered, leading to a whole host of unhealthy chemical reactions inside us. If you want to keep your body healthy and safe, you’d better start letting go of some grudges.
 
They Consume Us
 
Grudges are just pain that we carry with us everywhere. As well as the toll they take on our psychical body, they also have negative impacts on our mental health too. Negative thoughts take over from positive ones usually. They consume more of our time and fill our minds with a negative voice.
 
Overthinking the causes, possible solutions, and the revenge you crave will make it harder for your brain to function. Your usually clear thinking will be swallowed whole by the anger and frustration you let ruminate in your mind all day.
 
Not letting go of your grudges will lead to anger, mistrust, and resentment leaking out into your current life. Your personal relationships will suffer. Your career will suffer. Progression can only happen when you untie yourself from the past.
 
How to Start Letting Go of Grudges
 
Take Charge of Your Needs
 
Instead of letting the hurt swirl around your mind all day and night, try going after what you really need to solve this problem. Depending on the length of your grudge and the situation you’re in, talking it out might not be an option.
 
Instead, try talking to yourself. If you can’t get closure, then you have to close the door yourself. This might be easier said than done, but it is possible. Remind yourself of what you’re losing by being angry so often. Notice how little you’re gaining.
 
If you are in a position to talk to the person who hurt you, then do. Be confident in yourself and your needs. Sometimes, you need closure for your wellbeing.
 
Tell this person how hurt you were by what they did and explain that it’s still chipping away at you. If they respond in kind, open up a dialogue. If they don’t, know your pain and this person were never worth it. Let go of this grudge.
 
Embrace Your Mental Strength
 
You can’t change the past. You can’t make the person who hurt you feel guilty. You can, however, change your own thinking. It’s time to get in touch with your own thoughts and slow them down when you feel angry.
 
Remember that your brain was able to create this pain, so it’s able to let it go too. Letting go of grudges is entirely down to you. It’s not going to be easy but letting go can be a choice. You can choose not to hate, or feel anger, anymore.
 
When the frustrated thoughts occur to you, breathe them out. Remind yourself that this person has no power, only you do. No more letting this person win, especially if they’re already out of your life.
 
Distract yourself when these thoughts occur and forbid yourself from dwelling on them. No more obsessing, no more giving any of your precious time to this person who did you wrong.
 
See It from Their Side
 
It might be tough, even painful to do, but sometimes it can be helpful to put yourself in their shoes. Understand what happened in the beginning from a neutral point of view and wonder about how you would have reacted from their side.
 
Remember, we have all done wrong in our lives. We’ve all caused hurt in some way, it’s almost guaranteed. We are flawed, and that’s okay. Don’t place yourself on such a high pedestal that you can never forgive others’ mistakes.
 
It’s also important to understand that a person rarely has malicious intentions when they hurt us, they just acted thoughtlessly or inconsiderately towards our feelings. Rarely are our offenders genuinely evil. Their behavior may have been wrong but trying to connect with the reasons behind their actions might help you find solace.
 
Find the Root Cause
 
Most of the time, when we’re having trouble letting go of a grudge, there’s a deeper cause that we’re missing. This pain we carry tends to reflect a deep value that we hold that has been violated.
 
It can be beneficial to learn why this matter hurts you so much. Once you understand what fundamental moral of yours has been violated, you can start letting go of this grudge. Deep dive into why this moral is so important.
 
Most importantly, if you feel that something essential to you has been violated, then you know this person doesn’t belong in your life or mind. They don’t deserve your thoughts, because, in the end, their choices do not line up with your beliefs and values.
 
Letting go of grudges can be hard, but holding on is dangerous. Allow yourself to release the past. Be optimistic about your future, without bearing the weight of an ancient grudge. You’ll be surprised to see just how prosperous you can be when your mind is free from the torture that is on-going anger.
 
 
References:
  1. https://www.usnews.com
  2. https://journals.sagepub.com
  3. https://www.psychologytoday.com
 

Becky Storey
 

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com

 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 05:00
Sábado, 11 / 01 / 20

Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness and How to Do It

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

January 10, 2020

 



 

 
I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all been wronged in some way. Whether it’s a nasty break-up, betrayal by a friend, or an old school bully, once we hold a grudge against them, it’s hard to let go. Letting go of grudges is good for our health, but it’s hard to do.
 
We say we’ve forgiven, but we don’t forget. Sometimes, a grudge can last a lifetime. It’s time to start letting go of the grudges we hold and start fresh with a healthier new outlook.
 
 
We hold grudges for a whole host of reasons. Psychologists have suggested that we use grudges to define ourselves and excuse our bad behavior. We write off our coldness, mistrust and sometimes plain rudeness, as the result of past hurt.
 
Some suggest that we are holding grudges as a subconscious way to get sympathy and extra kindnessthat we didn’t get initially. This is especially true with victims of school-aged bullies. At the time, there was little support for the hardship. As an adult, if we tell our stories, others will feel bad for us. We hold onto our grudges towards these bullies, so we can keep re-telling the story.
 
While those reasons might require more intensive thought, some other reasons can be more superficial. We might consider holding a grudge to be a form of revenge. Never letting go of the grudge means never letting the offender get away with their crimes.
 
The reality is, those who wronged you probably aren’t even aware of your reserved hostility, or even worse, they don’t care. Instead of holding onto this pain, perhaps it’s time to work on letting go of these grudges.
 
Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness
 
They Serve No Purpose
 
If psychologists are correct in their theories on holding grudges, then we can see that the reasons are never beneficial. Holding onto the anger or pain won’t help us to heal from the hurt. It won’t undo the damage done in the past.
 
Grudges won’t serve as a kind of revenge. Even if the offender is begging for forgiveness, there is no benefit to YOU by never letting go of the grudge.
 
They’re Bad for Your Health
 
A number of studies have shown that holding onto grudges can cause a serious decline in health. Having a grudge to carry with you means you’re repeatedly becoming angry every time the memory comes to your mind. We certainly all know by now that anger has a negative effect on our health. Constantly recurring anger is dangerous.
 
Anger, and in turn holding grudges, can lead to increases in heart rate and blood pressure. When we’re angered, our body’s stress response is triggered, leading to a whole host of unhealthy chemical reactions inside us. If you want to keep your body healthy and safe, you’d better start letting go of some grudges.
 
They Consume Us
 
Grudges are just pain that we carry with us everywhere. As well as the toll they take on our psychical body, they also have negative impacts on our mental health too. Negative thoughts take over from positive ones usually. They consume more of our time and fill our minds with a negative voice.
 
Overthinking the causes, possible solutions, and the revenge you crave will make it harder for your brain to function. Your usually clear thinking will be swallowed whole by the anger and frustration you let ruminate in your mind all day.
 
Not letting go of your grudges will lead to anger, mistrust, and resentment leaking out into your current life. Your personal relationships will suffer. Your career will suffer. Progression can only happen when you untie yourself from the past.
 
How to Start Letting Go of Grudges
 
Take Charge of Your Needs
 
Instead of letting the hurt swirl around your mind all day and night, try going after what you really need to solve this problem. Depending on the length of your grudge and the situation you’re in, talking it out might not be an option.
 
Instead, try talking to yourself. If you can’t get closure, then you have to close the door yourself. This might be easier said than done, but it is possible. Remind yourself of what you’re losing by being angry so often. Notice how little you’re gaining.
 
If you are in a position to talk to the person who hurt you, then do. Be confident in yourself and your needs. Sometimes, you need closure for your wellbeing.
 
Tell this person how hurt you were by what they did and explain that it’s still chipping away at you. If they respond in kind, open up a dialogue. If they don’t, know your pain and this person were never worth it. Let go of this grudge.
 
Embrace Your Mental Strength
 
You can’t change the past. You can’t make the person who hurt you feel guilty. You can, however, change your own thinking. It’s time to get in touch with your own thoughts and slow them down when you feel angry.
 
Remember that your brain was able to create this pain, so it’s able to let it go too. Letting go of grudges is entirely down to you. It’s not going to be easy but letting go can be a choice. You can choose not to hate, or feel anger, anymore.
 
When the frustrated thoughts occur to you, breathe them out. Remind yourself that this person has no power, only you do. No more letting this person win, especially if they’re already out of your life.
 
Distract yourself when these thoughts occur and forbid yourself from dwelling on them. No more obsessing, no more giving any of your precious time to this person who did you wrong.
 
See It from Their Side
 
It might be tough, even painful to do, but sometimes it can be helpful to put yourself in their shoes. Understand what happened in the beginning from a neutral point of view and wonder about how you would have reacted from their side.
 
Remember, we have all done wrong in our lives. We’ve all caused hurt in some way, it’s almost guaranteed. We are flawed, and that’s okay. Don’t place yourself on such a high pedestal that you can never forgive others’ mistakes.
 
It’s also important to understand that a person rarely has malicious intentions when they hurt us, they just acted thoughtlessly or inconsiderately towards our feelings. Rarely are our offenders genuinely evil. Their behavior may have been wrong but trying to connect with the reasons behind their actions might help you find solace.
 
Find the Root Cause
 
Most of the time, when we’re having trouble letting go of a grudge, there’s a deeper cause that we’re missing. This pain we carry tends to reflect a deep value that we hold that has been violated.
 
It can be beneficial to learn why this matter hurts you so much. Once you understand what fundamental moral of yours has been violated, you can start letting go of this grudge. Deep dive into why this moral is so important.
 
Most importantly, if you feel that something essential to you has been violated, then you know this person doesn’t belong in your life or mind. They don’t deserve your thoughts, because, in the end, their choices do not line up with your beliefs and values.
 
Letting go of grudges can be hard, but holding on is dangerous. Allow yourself to release the past. Be optimistic about your future, without bearing the weight of an ancient grudge. You’ll be surprised to see just how prosperous you can be when your mind is free from the torture that is on-going anger.
 
 

References:
  1. https://www.usnews.com
  2. https://journals.sagepub.com
  3. https://www.psychologytoday.com
 

Becky Storey
 

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com

 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 
 
publicado por achama às 08:53
Terça-feira, 07 / 01 / 20

I Had an Emotionally Unavailable Mother and Here’s What It Felt Like

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

January 7th, 2020.

 
EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MOTHER.
 

 
 
Want to know what it feels like to be raised by an emotionally unavailable mother? Let me tell you my story.
 
Whenever someone asks me about my mother, I say ‘She died when I was young’. When they reply that they are so sorry, I always say ‘It doesn’t matter, she was an evil cow and I didn’t love her anyway. Most people are shocked.
 
Are you? If you are – why? You didn’t know her. You didn’t know what she was like. What it was like growing up with her. And before you say ‘Well yes that’s all very well, but she was your mother’, so what? Tell me what law or unwritten rule stipulates that I have to love my mother? There is none.
 
You might think it is disrespectful to talk the way I do. But those among you who have experienced an emotionally unavailable mother will understand my point of view. And believe me when I tell you that I tried my very hardest to love her.
 
What Is an Emotionally Unavailable Mother?
 
‘Emotionally unavailable mother’ to me is just a fancy psychological way of saying cold-hearted and unfeeling. But what is the difference between a mother who struggles sometimes to show her love and one that is emotionally unavailable? I can only tell you my story and it may appear cold and matter-of-fact.
 
But what if your mother never cuddled you or told you she loved you? Or actually even spoke to you that much? What if your mother used you as a means to earn money and her own personal housekeeper? How would you feel if she was abusive to your siblings and cold towards you? Perhaps then you might understand a little of how I feel.
 
So let me tell you a few stories about dear old mum. Maybe you’ll get where I’m coming from. Or perhaps you’ll think I’m being a total snowflake and I should just get over myself and stop blaming her for everything.
 
What It Feels Like to Have an Emotionally Unavailable Mother
 
No loving touch
 
I remember being very little, probably around 4 or 5 and craving my mother’s touch. She never touched me ever. Not a hug, a cuddle, nothing.
 
But she did do one thing and that was to come into my and my sisters’ bedrooms after a night out drinking and check we were all in bed. If our bedsheets were tangled, she would straighten them out.
 
This was an opportunity for me to receive a touch from my mother as sometimes if my arm was hanging out of the bed, she would put it back under the sheets. Imagine being this starved of a mother’s touch that you engineer a scenario where she might come into contact with you? And at that young age?
 
No response
 
Again, when I was young, I could write so I guess I was around the age of 5-6, I would leave little notes to my mother. The notes would say things like ‘I love you so much mum’ and ‘You are the best mum in the world’.
 
I would leave these love notes to my mother on her pillow on her bed so she would see them before she went to sleep. She never mentioned them. I would excitably go to bed and look under my pillow to see what she had left for me. After a few weeks, I stopped writing them.
 
Ignored wishes
 
I passed my 12+ which meant I could go to a local grammar school. There were two choices; an all-girls one which had a very posh reputation (not me at all, we lived on a council estate) or a local mixed grammar where all my friends were going.
 
Mother decided I was to attend the all-girls school. Despite my protests, she told me ‘It would look better on my CV later’ when I applied for jobs. Ironically, I wasn’t allowed to carry on and study for A-Levels. I had to work at the factory job she had found for me when I was 16 to help pay the household bills.
 
Can’t confide with your mother
 
I had a very bad time at grammar school. I didn’t know anyone. There were cliques of girls who had known one another from middle school and were quite happy to stay in their own little groups.
 
It got so bad that I ran away twice and went home. Each time my mother took me back to the school, no questions asked. The school did try to help but as far as mother was concerned I was to ‘get on with it’. I contemplated ending it all but got through it.
 
Some years later, mother and I were arguing and she had said she’d always done her best for me. I shouted back that because she’d sent me to that school I’d tried to top myself. I ran upstairs to my bedroom. She followed and for the first time in my life, she put her arm around me. It felt so odd and strange I felt physically sick and had to move away.
 
The Impact of Having a Mother Who Was Emotionally Unavailable
 
So that’s a little of my pity party story. There’s much more but a lot involves other people and that is their story to tell. So how am I affected and what do I do about it?
 
Well, I never wanted children. I don’t have a maternal bone in me. I am shown pictures of babies and I don’t get it. I don’t feel this flush of warmth or emotion. But show me a puppy or an animal in pain or distress and I am weeping like a baby. I think I feel emotionally attached to animals more because they have no voice. They can’t tell you what is wrong. I felt the same way during childhood.
 
I have a cold heart. I always say I have a heart of stone. Nothing touches it. I’ve formed this hard barrier around it so nothing will crack it. This is a survival technique I learned as a child. Don’t let anyone in and you won’t be hurt.
 
A late boyfriend of mine used to say to me ‘You are a hard nut to crack’ and I never knew what he meant but now I do. He also said that I was either clingy of hostile. This is also true. You are either everything to me or you are nothing.
 
As a child, I had an avoidant attachment style. I had spent a long time trying to get my mother’s attention. Having failed I shut down and become ambivalent about her. As an adult, this has transformed into a dismissive-avoidant style where I keep myself to myself. I avoid contact with others and keep emotions at arm’s length.
 
Despite the former tirade, I don’t blame my mother for anything.
 
In fact, I am thankful she had me. It was the 60s, she was out of wedlock and she could easily have not have done so.
 
I remind myself that I am not my mother. I understand the weaknesses of my upbringing and that allows me to cope with life as an adult.
 
Then, I have a tendency to shut myself away from people and have to try hard to socialise. The saying ‘better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’ doesn’t apply to me. If there is a chance of losing love I won’t love in the first place.
 
I know why I have to be the centre of attention when I am in company. It is because I craved it as a child and never got it. Likewise, I like to shock people and see their reaction. This goes directly back to my mother. I would intentionally shock her when I was a teen. Just to try and get something out of her.
 
Final Thoughts
 
I think that we need to remember that emotional neglect from an unavailable mother can be as damaging as abuse and physical neglect. However, understanding how any kind of neglect has affected you is key to moving forward.

 

 
Janey Davies

 





About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

Archives:

 


 
A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com
 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 

 

 
publicado por achama às 17:23
Terça-feira, 07 / 01 / 20

8 Toxic Mental Habits That Mess Up Your Life without You Even Knowing

Lauren Edwards-Fowle.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 7th, 2020.

 


 
Mental habits are often established over time. Thus, you often don’t even know that you have these habits and how they can mess up your life without you realizing that.
 
Here are some of the key mental habits that harm your life – and what to do about them!
 
1. Listening to self-doubt
 
Your inner critic is not a nice person; they never are. Whilst we all experience self-doubt at times, allowing yourself to be constantly in a battle with your psyche is one of the worst habits for your mental health.
 
Giving airtime to your self-doubt reinforces those feelings and can make you second-guess and question yourself constantly. This saps your ability to progress, move forward and succeed. You can become locked in a circular battle of wills – with yourself.
 
To combat this, try making a list of things you like about yourself. Reinforce your appreciation of your skills, achievements, and successes. Every time you experience self-doubt, remind yourself of every reason you have to believe in yourself and use them to eliminate the self-doubt that is holding you back.
 
2. Seeking constant approval
 
Doing things for the approval of others is another one of the terrible habits we can fall foul of and can mess up your life and mental health significantly. Paying attention to what other people expect from you means side-lining your dreams and wishes. It often results in going down pathways which were never right for you.
 
Remember that you cannot control other people. The only thing you do have control over is yourself. By trying to gauge your actions based on being rewarded with approval is likely to make you second-guess your choices.
 
Even the words you choose can be affected by seeking constant approval! Try to remember that for all the time you are trying to cater to the expectations of people around you, you are forgetting your own. Be clear with yourself about what you want, and then pursue it for all you are worth.
 
3. Being dramatic
 
It is easy to exaggerate from time to time, particularly if you feel frustrated or excited about something! However, this mental habit can mean you lose the respect of your friends who are less likely to take you seriously when something big does happen.
 
Do people tend to roll their eyes when you start telling a story? You probably have one of these mental habits. If you tend to suffer from anxiety or stress when considering the future, you may be focusing on every worst possible scenario, rather then concentrating on the positives.
 
Try using positive mantras to pinpoint your focus on all the possible things that might go right, instead of being dramatic about all the things that could potentially go wrong.
 
The sky isn’t falling and, if you don’t keep expecting it to, it never will.
 
4. Worrying about things outside of your control
 
Worry is one of those mental habits that can be hard to break. Everybody will have genuine things to worry about from time to time, but allowing them to become the norm is a bad mental habit.
 
Suffering from anxiety and overthinking can mess up your life by having a constant negative affect. What other people think is not something you can control, and creating stress around something like this is bad for your mental health and relationships.
 
Try sharpening your attention on those things you can control; your actions, behavior and the language you use to talk with yourself. Once you have a firm grasp of those factors you can influence, the ones you cannot become less of an issue.
 
5. Feeling guilty
 
Another emotion that we all experience now and then, guilt can become a mental habit that is ingrained in your personality. Guilt does not change anything that has happened but allows negative problems and thoughts to weigh heavily on your mind.
 
If you have a good reason to feel guilty, try making amends and apologizing to those you have hurt. Once you have made all the reparations you can, it is time to move on.
6. Keeping score
 
A common and very dangerous one of the common mental habits in the modern age is keeping score. Often this stems from social media and a desire to perform, achieve, and appear to be ‘more’ than other people.
 
Numbers are not indicative of anything other than their size. They also do not grasp qualitative criteria that have no bearing on a score. Being happy is not something that can be reflected in a number, and nor is being at peace with yourself.
 
Let the numbers go – they are not all that important.
 
7. Making yourself responsible for others
 
Making yourself responsible for others is a mental habit that can cause a tide of negativity. When you take responsibility for things that other people do, you create a burden on your shoulders that you cannot influence, since these things are outside of your control.
 
Remember what you are responsible for, and take ownership of that instead.
 
8. Carrying a grudge
 
Forgiveness can be very hard, especially when someone has upset or hurt you. However, carrying a grudge causes you more damage than it does to the other person and does not allow you to move on from the situation.
 
You do not necessarily need to forget, but to forgive is a powerful tool as it allows you to mentally move away from whatever has happened. Forgive someone, even if it is difficult; your subconscious will thank you for it.
 
 
References:
  1. Lifehack.org
  2. Psychology Today

 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 

 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle


 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 17:20
Sábado, 04 / 01 / 20

Mere Exposure Effect: 3 Examples Show Why You Love Things You Used to Hate

Francesca Forsythe.

https://www.learning-mind.com

January 4th, 2020.


 
 
The mere exposure effect can guide our preferences without us even realizing. In a year, you may like something you hate right now.
 
 
Have you ever wondered why your preferences change as you get older? Maybe you hated olives and now you love them. Maybe you and your best friend hated each other and now you can’t imagine life without them. These are both examples of the mere exposure effect, a powerful psychological phenomenon that can change our preferences as we go through life.
 
 
If you catch yourself saying, ‘Oh, I used to hate that,’ then you may be experiencing this effect. Familiarity is a powerful thing, and we have three examples to prove that the mere exposure effect really does work.
 
 
What Is the Mere Exposure Effect?
 
 
It is a psychological phenomenon that causes people to develop a preference for things simply because they are familiar with them. The more you are exposed to something, the more you may find yourself liking it.
 
 
This may occur consciously or subliminally, but it is strongest when you don’t realize you’re experiencing something. The more times you experience the same thing, the more familiar you become with it and you may find yourself enjoying it more than you expected.
 
 
The mere exposure effect works because we enjoy familiarity. It makes us feel safe and secure, so we tend to seek it out when we can. If you’re still not sure this is true, consider the next three examples of the mere exposure effect. I promise you will have experienced one if not all of these examples.
 
 
Music
 
 
Have you ever heard a song and not liked it at first, then, the more you hear it, the more you like it? This is a classic example of the mere exposure effect. If you hear a song over and over on the radio, you will most likely enjoy it a lot more the tenth time than the first.
 
 
This is a common example of subliminal mere exposure because you may not even realize you are listening to the song as often as you are. Then, once you consciously listen to it, or realize you are listening to it, you will find you enjoy it much more than you did the first time. Eventually, you might find yourself singing along or even putting the song on purposefully.
 
 
People
 
 
They say that first impressions are the most important, but this may not be true. The more time you spend with someone, the more familiar they become to you. This means that you will find more in common with them. The things that might have annoyed you at first will also become more familiar and you will be used to them the longer you spend with them.
 
 
Once you know someone in this way, you may tend to like them more as you are familiar with their quirks. Many friendships can begin with two people severely disliking each other. However, over time, the relationship grows as familiarity sets in.
 
 
Food
 
 
Of course, it is true that as we get older, our taste buds change and we may enjoy things we didn’t previously. However, this can also be a product of the mere exposure effect.
 
 
You may not like the taste of olives right away, but you may eat them on pizza or in sauces. Eventually, you will become used to the taste in other things and it will become familiar to you. It is a slow process and you may not even notice it happening. As time goes on, however, you find yourself more readily eating olives on their own.
 
 
How Far Does the Mere Exposure Effect Go?
 
 
Studies have shown that the mere exposure effect is at its most powerful when there is a period of time between exposures. So, when you experience something for the first time, you may not like it. Then, when you experience it a second time, maybe a few days later, you like it a little more. As this continues and the experience becomes more familiar, you will begin to like it more and more.
 
 
It will take a few exposures for the familiarity to develop, so it does take time for the effect to really take hold. This means that if you experience the same thing over and over, you won’t begin to enjoy it as much as you would if you had a break from it between experiences.
 
 
Children have also been found not to suffer from the mere exposure effect as much as adults. This is because children tend to enjoy new things rather than the familiar ones. For children, the familiar is more of a comfort than a novelty. As you get older, the more familiar you are with something, the more you tend to enjoy it.
 
 
Time can change many things, but it is definitely true that it can change how you feel. The mere exposure effect may not cause you to like anything and everything. Yet, it is a powerful phenomenon that can change our preferences and have us enjoying things we previously hated.
 
 
References:
 
 

Francesca Forsythe





 

About the Author: Francesca Forsythe

Francesca is a freelance writer currently studying a degree in Law and Philosophy. She has written for several blogs in a range of subjects across Lifestyle, Relationships and Health and Fitness. Her main pursuits are learning new innovative ways of keeping fit and healthy, as well as broadening her knowledge in as many areas as possible in order to achieve success.
 
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 

 
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 


All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 
 

 
 
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
 
 
 
 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 08:09
Sexta-feira, 27 / 12 / 19

What Is Slippery Slope Fallacy and How to Handle It in an Argument

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 26th, 2019.

 
Slippery Slope Fallacy.

 


The slippery slope argument is frequently used in a variety of contexts from our own internal reasoning to political propaganda. It takes the view that a certain action will lead to a specific chain of events, usually resulting in a negative outcome. But how helpful is this argument and why has it been termed the ‘slippery slope fallacy’?

In this post, we explore the fallacy of the slippery slope argument and look at how to handle this viewpoint when faced with it in an argument.

What Are the Different Types of Slippery Slope Arguments?
Slippery slope arguments come under many guises and philosophers have distinguished them under the following three categories:

1. Causal Slippery Slopes
A causal slippery slope relates to arguments that suggest a minor action will lead to a major (and potentially catastrophic) event. The causal nature of this argument is that the minor event leads to further events that gradually escalate until the ultimate tragic ending.

An extreme example of a causal slippery slope is someone suggesting that legalizing prostitution would cause lead to an increase in marital breakdown. This then escalates into the destruction of the constitution of the family and results in the very destruction of civilization itself.

2. Precedential Slippery Slopes
These suggest that in treating a minor issue a certain way, we will be obliged to treat a related issue that is more major in the same way in the future.

A common example of this type of slippery slope is the argument against the legalization of cannabis. Those that oppose this use the slippery slope to suggest it will lead to more positive attitudes towards harder drugs and the subsequent legalization of drugs like heroin.

3. Conceptual Slippery Slopes
This form of slippery slope argument is linked to the concept of vagueness and draws no distinction between the possibility of getting from one thing to the next and removes all decision-making processes from this. From this perspective, if you decide to do one thing, then you will inevitably decide to do every next step that occurs. Eventually, this will lead you to the ultimate negative result.

What Is the Slippery Slope Fallacy?
The slippery slope fallacy disputes arguments that predict such an escalation of events. In philosophy, certain discussions on logic and critical thinking have deemed the slippery slope argument a fallacy. It is deemed one of the logical fallacies because there is only a small possibility that one event will actually lead to the predicted (often negative) outcome.

The probability of such a cumulative effect of disastrous events occurring is actually quite slim. The argument also ignores the human ability to learn from experiences and take a different track when a decision may not have been the right one. Slippery slope arguments are also criticized for leveraging fear in jumping to extreme hypothetical consequences which are based on very little evidence.

How to Handle This Type of Fallacy in an Argument
You may be new to the world of slippery slopes or have found this article because you’re frustrated with your acquaintances using this logic. Here we highlight how you can tackle the slippery slope fallacy head-on.

1. Ask for justification
A good place to start when faced with the slippery slope fallacy is to ask your opponent to provide evidence behind their cause. In asking them to justify the reasons behind their belief that one event will inevitably go down the slippery slope to another, you will likely make them think again about their reasoning.

2. Highlight the missing pieces
Another way to tackle the slippery slope argument is to highlight the events that are missing from the slope. In emphasizing the key events that will occur between the start of the slope and the end, you can show your opponent that their argument rests on very tentative foundations.

3. Use an example
When it comes to winning an argument, it is always helpful to have an example up your sleeve.

The slippery slope argument that has gained significant attention is relating to the right to die movement. The use of the slippery slope argument in this context suggests that if the right to die was legalized, then this right would be abused. It implies that no matter what safeguards are put in place, the doctor now has the ‘power to kill as well as cure.

Benatar (2011) helpfully picks apart this argument in applying this same logic to driving. People drive dangerously, under the influence, and drive cars that are not roadworthy. All of these actions lead to accidents and death. However, the idea that driving should be banned is absurd.

In other words, the slippery slope argument does not create a justification to withhold a legal right from someone just because some people have abused this right (i.e. not everyone can be tarnished with the same brush).

Final Words
The slippery slope argument can be an influential tactic. However, when you stop to think about it, it becomes clear that these arguments are often based on very tentative foundations.


When you tune into this idea, you will no doubt spot the slippery slope fallacy in many outlets including the media, politics, and discussions with your peers. To counter these arguments, try out the steps above and you’re sure to get one step closer to revealing the fallacy.
 
 
 

 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 05:45
Quarta-feira, 25 / 12 / 19

Do Binaural Beats Work? Here Is What Science Has to Say

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 24th, 2019.

 
 



 

As humans who suffer from a multitude of disorders, we look for cures that work, so have we found healing in binaural beats?
 
Being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder among other things, I’ve tried many so-called solutions and medications to improve my quality of life. I also tried yoga, nature walks, prayer, and martial arts – you name it. Then I started to experiment with sound, mainly ambient music and things of that sort.
 
 
For a while, the sounds seemed to transport me to another place, soothing me and removing the husks of tension from my brain. But it would always come back, the anxiety, so I’m not sure what really works the best for me. Now, I’m researching binaural beats, in hopes that this will be the key to my healing. So, do binaural beats work?
Working with binaural beats
 
Many people back up the idea that binaural beats can relieve anxiety and pain. There are also those who put their faith in these sounds to correct cognitive issues, ADHD, and even mental trauma. There is such a large consensus of those that think binaural beats reduce headache pain, that Bayer, the manufacturer of aspirin, has seven files of binaural beats on its website in Austria.
 
Bayer’s statement is that it’s not necessarily used to stop headache pain, but to bring about relaxation which may help with headache pain. But all this talk about how well the beats work makes us want to understand exactly what binaural beats are.
What are binaural beats and how do they work?
 
To some, these sounds, or absences of sound, are illusions. In a way they are, but in truth, they do exist. They are beats created by opposite sounds being poured into each ear, thus the name “binaural”.
 
Here’s the basic concept: one ear hears a tone that is slightly different than the other ear. Just a few hertz difference, and your brain perceives a sort of beat that isn’t even present within the song or sound that you’re listening to. You cannot hear binaural beats with one ear. This is why it’s called an illusion.
 
What we do not know is which region generates the binaural beat sound – the sound that isn’t really there. While there are theories, it’s uncertain, and it’s also uncertain which tones and frequencieswork best for improvements.
When were binaural beats discovered?
 
In 1839, Heinrich Wilhelm Dove, a German physicist, discovered the concept of the binaural beat. However, much of what we understand about how binaural beats work only surfaced in 1973 in an article by Gerald Oster in Scientific American. Oster’s purpose was to use binaural beats in medicine, but its uncertain which area of medicine.
 
In modern times, these auditory illusions are seen as tools to improve mental wellbeing in conjunction with meditation, relaxation, and sleep – these among other mental exercises for mental health. They are also being used to alleviate pain as well. If proven to work, binaural beats could be the answer to a plethora of serious issues.
 
How these beats pertain to brain waves
 
Brain waves, or the activity of neurons, are oscillations that appear on an EEG. Two examples of brain waves are Alpha waves, which are responsible for relaxation, and Gamma waves which are responsible for attention or memory.
 
Those who stand behind the validity of binaural beats claim that these illusionary sounds can actually shift the brain waves from Gamma to Alpha or vice versa, moving you either into a state of rest or improvement of memory.
 
Most studies that focus on whether binaural beats work or not, unfortunately, are inconclusive in this area. However, as far as anxiety is concerned, there are consistent reports from those who suffered from disorders that binaural beats reduce levels of anxious feelings.
 
Studies concerning anxiety have proven to be the most promising for proving the effectiveness of binaural beats in improving life for the future. On more than one study, participants with anxiety reported being less anxious when listening to these sounds in the delta/theta range, and even more so, for longer periods in the delta range alone.
 
It’s not clear why this happens, regardless of the tests and studies on these non-sounds. While some patients reported a decrease in pain listening to beats around 10 hertz, in the alpha range, further research is needed to back up this claim.
 
Where children with ADHD are concerned, the tests show that binaural beats can improve focus for a temporary time, including during the tests themselves, but not for the long-term. There is still a bit of research that must be done in this area, including finding the right tone and frequency which seems to work after the initial effects of the study.
So do binaural beats work, according to science?
 
Joydeep Bhattacharya, professor of psychology at the University of London, states,
 
 
 
“A lot of big claims have been made without adequate verification.”
 
And he is right. While many people claim to experience an improvement in the quality of life, science hasn’t found the hard evidence it needs to produce a helpful system for the whole of society, and that’s really what we need. We can take Bhattacharya seriously due to his 20 years of study in the neuroscience of sound, which includes binaural beats, or as some are now calling auditory hallucinations.
 
Science has unearthed contradictions concerning binaural beats with different conditions. The studies to understand the localization of sound in order to treat anxiety, modulate cognition, and treat brain injuries, among other issues are, as of now, inconclusive.
 
The positive results, which point toward binaural beats being a significant cause for improvement in certain areas, are short-lived success stories. They are still without an idea of the definite region of the brain which is stimulated during these illusionary sounds. Also, most studies that produced positive results for helping anxiety or cognitive function did not use EEG measurements to do so.
 
Another factor in the study of binaural beats is tone. It seems the lower the tone and beat frequency, the more chance of positive results in this area. Each condition, each case and each level of frequency all play a part in whether binaural beats really work and improve conditions in our lives.
 
 
“In the electrophysiological neuroimaging studies, you will find the results are split. And that gives you a good indication that the story is more complicated than many of the behavioral studies want to convince you”
 
-Prof. Bhattacharya
How should we take this information?
 
Whether or not science has conclusively proven the effectiveness of binaural beats, which apparently it hasn’t, it doesn’t stop us from trying them out. I might not suggest making a large investment in a program targeted completely toward these concepts. However, if you have a chance to listen to binaural beats, then sure, it’s worth that try.
 
As a sufferer of anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses that can prove almost impossible to endure, I’m not against trying new ways to improve my life. So, as for me, I just might try binaural beats for myself, just a few options here and there that I find. If I notice any difference, I will be sure to let you know. While I’m doing that, maybe science can conclusively let us know if binaural beats are the answer to many of our problems.

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 04:14
Terça-feira, 24 / 12 / 19

Maximizers and Satisficers: Which One Are You and What Does It Mean?

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 23rd, 2019.

 
Maximizers and Satisficers.

 


Decision making is an unavoidable feature of our lives. However, researchers have found that some of us are better at it than others. Psychologists have grouped people into two distinctive categories: maximizers and satisficers.

In this post, we look at the meaning behind the terms ‘maximizer’ and ‘satisficer’. And help you to explore which term best describes your approach to decision making.

What does the concept mean?

To put it simply, maximizers are individuals who are constantly striving to make the best decision that derives the maximum benefit. Whereas satisficers spend less time over a decision and are content with an option that is ‘good enough’.

Maximizers vs. Satisficers: Which one are you?
Let’s take a look at these categories in more detail and go through some examples to help you to determine which camp you fit into.
Maximizers

Imagine the scenario, you need to buy a new car and believe you have found the perfect model in your local garage. However, despite this, you know there are several other garages to visit in the area. You, therefore, decide to visit all of these before making your decision. Sound familiar? A maximizer finds it difficult to commit to a decision until they have explored all of the other available options first.

Maximizers are most likely to experience ‘FOBO’ the term coined by US venture capitalist Patrick McGinnis. FOBO stands for the ‘fear of better options’, a feeling which maximizers are all too familiar with. When faced with many options in front of them, a maximizer will deliberate over the selection and often experience a feeling of remorse after making a decision.

Maximizers are prone to regretting their decisions and contemplate what could have been rather than being satisfied with their choice.
Satisficers

Satisficers have a lot easier time making decisions than maximizers. They have a clear set of criteria beforehand and make a decision based on this. Referring back to the example above, a satisficer would have purchased the first car that met their criteria. They would not have felt the need to look around the other garages.

The US Nobel Prize-winning economist Herbert A. Simon came up with the concept of ‘satisficers’ in 1956. He created the term by combining the words ‘satisfying’ and ‘sufficing’. Simon explainedthat humans need only ‘very simple perceptual and choice mechanisms to satisfy [their] several needs’ and in first considering what they seek to achieve from a certain choice, it is easier to reach a satisfying decision.

Satisficers, therefore, approach a decision with an awareness of their needs and requirements. In doing so, they can select an option that suits and satisfies them.

How can your decision-making ability impact your life?
So, does being a maximizer or a satisficer impact on your overall life experiences and satisfaction? Unsurprisingly, the way you approach decisions can significantly impact how you feel about them.

This concept has been explored by numerous researchers. They have used the maximizers versus satisficers theory to explore how such a state determines an individual’s life satisfaction and attainment.

Bruine de Bruin et al (2007), for example, explored the connection between socioeconomic status, cognitive ability, and decision-making style. The research found that those with a stronger impulse to maximize on their decisions actually obtained worse life outcomes.

A satisficer’s ability to enjoy their decision also comes from the fact that it is based on their own criteria and needs. Whereas, as Starry Peng (2013) points out, maximizers are more likely to base their choice on external choices such as social status, reputation or reviews. The preoccupation with selecting the ‘best’ possible choice, therefore, can often mean that maximizers fail to consider their own needs and desires.

Constantly deliberating over the available options doesn’t necessarily mean that you are satisfied with your overall choice. Yang and Chiou (2010), looked into the decision making processes of those looking at online dating sites. Their study found that the availability of more search options lead to worse choices as it reduced an individual’s cognitive resources, making it harder for them to ignore irrelevant information and screen out unsuitable options.

Embracing what is ‘good enough’
Of course, there is the possibility that individuals can show characteristics of both maximizers and satisficers. Some people love to trawl the internet, investigating the pros and cons of a certain product and feel satisfied that they have chosen the best, fully researched option. The situation isn’t clear cut. However, according to psychologist Barry Schwartz, we have a lot to gain from taking the satisficers’ approach to life.

Schwartz recognizes that freedom of choice can bring autonomy and liberation to people. However, when we’re faced with too much choice, this can lead to reduced happiness and increased anxiety.


In Schwartz’s research, he increasingly found that when faced with an exhaustive amount of options, individuals question their decisions and blame themselves if the option they chose isn’t perfection. Referring to this concept as ‘The Paradox of Choice’, Schwartz encourages us to settle for what is ‘good enough’ rather than always striving for the perfect option.

The terms ‘maximizers’ and ‘satisficers’ help us to gain insight into our own decision-making processes. In a world where choices can seem endless, recognizing that many decisions we make are ‘good enough’ can go a long way in reducing anxiety and increasing our overall life satisfaction.
 
 

 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
and https://www.facebook.com/mel.tavares.75


A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
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Alternative to YouTube
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 04:08
Domingo, 22 / 12 / 19

How to Stop Lying about Everything When You Just Can’t Help Yourself

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 21st, 2019.

 
How to Stop Lying about Everything




Honesty is the best policy, and we know that. So, how do we stop lying about any and everything?

There are many types of lies: straight out lies, omissions, “little white lies”, you know, those kinds of lies. But let’s face it, a lie is a lie, now isn’t it, really? Well, yes, but there are two types of liars that are so similar that scientists think they are the same thing. Mental health professionals think differently. These are pathological liars and compulsive liars. Guess what, I agree with the mental health professionals and here’s why…

Pathological vs. Compulsive Lying
Although they are definitely close, these two types of liars are different. Pathological liars seem to lie with a definite motive. Everything they lie about is designed to benefit them in some way, even when the benefit comes after the lies cause the liar problems, which is strange.

Pathological liars also mix truth with lies so the lies are more subtle and believable. So, obviously, pathological liars go to great lengths to not only get what they want but also not get caught.

Compulsive liars, who we are going to focus on today, lie about everything, anything, and at any time and anywhere. There is no clear motive to the lies either. A compulsive liar will lie when there’s no need at all to tell a lie. It’s not like they lie about important situations or things they fear will damage their reputation.

They evenly lie about both important and unimportant things in the same manner with no regard whatsoever about how others see them. It is an uncontrollable urge to lie. It’s almost as easy as breathing. I know someone who does this, by the way. It’s kind of creepy.

If this is you, let’s learn how to stop lying
It may be really difficult to stop compulsive lying considering there’s no motive. However, there are a few things we can try. After all, honesty is important, no matter what the situation. If you cannot be honest, then you cannot be trusted…ever. Let’s start with these few ideas.

1. Are you conscious of your lying?
First of all, you must know whether you actually realize you’re lying in the first place. Do you think you’re telling the truth when you lie? Are people always accusing you of lying and you don’t know why? This can be frightening, to both them and to you. It’s even frightening to me as I think about it.

In order to stop compulsive lying, you have to get to the point where you actually know what you’re doing. Some people do and some, unfortunately, have lied for so long that they think everything they say is the truth, and in turn, think everyone else is the enemy by their accusations. So ask yourself and your friends and family if you are, indeed, a compulsive liar. If they say yes, then listen to them and have an open mind.

2. Stop justifying the lies
Validation of lies only makes lies easier to tell. There is rarely a good reason to tell lies. I’m not saying I’ve never lied, I’m just saying it shouldn’t be an easy thing to do, and you shouldn’t defend your lies either. The larger issue is that most lies were taught by parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and others in the family.

They may have told you to tell lies to save someone’s feelings. If so, you were raised to be a liar….sorry, but it’s the hard cold truth. I was raised this way too. Only in this last decade of my life have I become determined to learn how to be honest even when it was hard. So, put less energy into the justification of lies and more energy into learning how to stop lying the best way you know.

3. Which liar are you? Compulsive or pathological
Also, don’t forget to determine whether you genuinely are a compulsive liar and not a pathological one. While pathological lying is bad, compulsive lying is much harder to break and will probably need the help of a professional. So, before trying to complete all the steps to stop lying, understand 100% which type of liar you are.

4. Figure out why you’re lying
Okay, If you are a compulsive liar, then you’re lying for no apparent reason. So this will be your reason, you’re a compulsive liar. If you are another type of liar, then there is a reason behind the lies you tell. You need to discover the reason if you have one, or else you cannot stop the lying. You will always turn back to being fake instead of being real.

5. Seek help
A compulsive liar, if this is what you are, will need to seek professional help. At some point early in your life, you started this pattern of untruth. It could have been as far back as when you were a small child. If you watched others lie, then you learned that it was a normal thing to do. Of course, this is not true.

Many families actually don’t see telling the truth as normalcy. They live in a backward sort of mentality. If you grew up in a family like this, then it’s perfectly normal to lie – it’s what everyone did. In this case, professional help will be the only thing that turns your life around.

6. Separate yourself from other liars
You can also stop keeping company with other compulsive liars. It may be hard if this includes your family, but you must think about your own well-being. Maybe if you are away from other liars for long enough, you will start to value the truth a bit more.

Hey, we can work together to stop lying
I know I sound mean, and maybe a bit hard on you. But, if it helps you turn your life around, then it’s worth you getting angry with me. If this pertains to someone you know, then I’m glad you have some options to help them. I believe that lying can become addicting just like any drug or alcohol. If you do it for so long, it becomes second nature…which is what I think the basic definition of compulsive lying must be.


If you want to learn how to stop lying, then get started with these tips today.
References
:
  1. https://www.goodtherapy.org
  2. https://www.healthline.com

 
Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 18:41
Domingo, 22 / 12 / 19

10 Signs of Unresolved Grief That Poisons Your Life

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 21st, 2019.

 


 

 

Have you ever felt like your heart was broken but did not know why? This could be due to unresolved grief.
 
When a loved one dies, we grieve, but then over time, we heal. It sounds simple, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not. Sometimes we have to deal with unresolved issues due to the grief we went through. It just doesn’t make sense now, does it? Everyone dies at some point, so why can’t we move on? I know I’m personally having a problem with this as well. It’s definitely something we want to soothe and heal properly.
 
But first, what is unresolved grief?
 
As time passes, the intensity of your grief should naturally lessen. You may be able to function more easily and return to your normal eating and sleeping patterns. Over more time, many people return to their normal daily routines even, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have unresolved grief hiding in the background.
 
Unfortunately, unresolved grief can show up unexpectedly in a very negative way. It has been known to affect current and future relationships in those who may not have completed the necessary passages of grief.
 
After a significant emotional loss such as death or end of a romantic relationship, people alter their life choices to protect their hearts from being hurt again. Have you ever done that?
 
I have, and I want you to know that it is okay. And I encourage working toward a resourceful solution, as it is the key to managing it effectively. It’s important to become familiar with some signs of unresolved grief in this post.
 
Warning signs that you are experiencing unresolved grief.
 
1. Appetite changes
 
When someone close to us passes away, we hardly notice our appetite changes. As time goes by, we may start to overeat, or not eat much at all.
 
I have seen people lose 20-30 lbs in just a month or two. This has happened to me as well. It’s difficult to explain exactly why we do this, but I can surmise that we are trying to use food as a balm for our pain, or maybe sometimes just a distraction. During the stages of grief, we might see this as part of denial.
 
2. Difficulty concentrating
 
Loved ones that were especially close to us will leave a hole where they used to be. Now, this hole, over time, will slowly fill with loving memories and warm feelings. At least, this is what’s supposed to happen.
 
Honestly, this can take years to happen if someone was a mother, child or mate. We will notice that it has become difficult to concentrate on anything without thinking of our loved one. We may start to fail classes, forget appointments, and even have trouble at work. It can take over every corner of our minds.
 
3. Sleep problems
 
When we lose loved ones, we may experience sleep problems. It could be that we sleep too much or we suffer from insomnia. It’s similar to our eating disorders when going through unresolved grief. We may also experience nightmares, or dreams where we are with our loved ones, just to awake and they are not there. Our realization when waking can hurt horribly once again.
 
4. Nauseating sadness
 
If we haven’t’ been able to get over the loss of a loved one, there could be stages of nauseating sadness. This sadness generally comes from anxiety. If the deceased was someone who was always there for you, and someone you could talk to, your anxiety levels will peak at times causing nausea, a sick stomach paired with sadness. It’s the worst feeling.
 
5. Inability to talk
 
Some people just cannot talk about the death of their friend or loved one. It’s too painful for them, or they are still in the stages of denial. Did you know that denial can last long past the time you thought you were okay? Many people will keep to themselves and refuse to even mention their loved one’s name. This is incredibly sad.
 
6. Not thinking
 
Like some people who stop talking about their loved ones, others will push their loved ones completely out of their minds. It seems easier for them to pretend that the deceased never existed. It’s not because they are being cruel, but simply trying to keep from completely breaking down.
 
Look, death can be horrendous for some people, while others can handle it well. For those who don’t wish to think of their loved ones, the deceased must have meant a lot to them.
 
7. Avoiding things
 
When someone you love dies, you attempt to heal. Some people do well with this and go back to their routine in life. Others will avoid doing anything because they feel stuck in the moment of death. This means avoiding places, people, things, and even losing jobs over their inability to return to work. Avoidance is another form of denial.
 
8. Not accepting any negative
 
Then you have some people who only want to talk about all the positive things in life, including all the good accomplishments of their deceased loved one. But there is never a moment for tears, or never a time to get angry for them. It’s as if they refuse to let any negative emotions emerge.
 
I’m going to tell you this, not accepting the negative with the positive can cause severe damage to your health. Eventually, you will hit the bottom, and all that positive thinking will crash. Grieving will be worse, than if you’d grieved earlier.
 
9. Fall back into routine
 
Yes, you should eventually return to routine. But here’s the other side of the coin: You should also allow yourself a bit of downtime to feel the pain. Yes, I said it. You have to feel the pain in order to heal from the pain. So, returning immediately to your ordinary life wouldn’t be the best thing to do. If you’re doing this, it’s definitely unresolved issues with grief.
 
10. Stop getting close to people
 
Unresolved grief can also make you turn cold toward others. The one you lost was so close to you that you refuse to hurt like that again. So, what do you do? You close yourself off from everybody else. There is healing to be done with the death of your loved one, and you’ve obviously not completed this cycle.
 
Yes, you can get through this in a healthy way.
 
Is your life forever changed after grief or a loss? Yes, it can be. Managing your grief is a good thing, but you don’t have to live the rest of your life in pain due to unresolved grief.
 
Imagine thinking about someone who died, or an ex, without feeling broken-hearted. Imagine living and loving to the fullest. What would that be like for you?
 
It can be done! I have done it and so can you! Seek out ways to manage your unresolved grief and watch the way you move forward to improve your joy, fulfillment, and life.
 
References:
 
 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 18:39
Domingo, 22 / 12 / 19

What Is Neuro-Linguistic Programming and 6 Signs Someone Is Using It on You

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 20th, 2019.

 



 
Did you know that manipulation and influence aren’t the same? One is conducted for selfish reasons, the other, to improve or change. While we know that outright manipulation is a negative thing, we cannot say this 100% about influence. For example, we influence our children in hopes they will become mature and respected adults, right? Yes, and influence can also be used in the workplace to help employees improve on the job. Scientists call this neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), and it can also be used for both good or bad reasons.
 
What is neuro-linguistic programming and where did it come from?
 
NLP is a psychological method that involves using body language, patterns, and expressions to gage and influence someone in one way or the other. This influence is designed to achieve a goal, either negative or positive.
 
Richard Bandler and John Grinder came up with the term “NLP” in the 70s’. Abandoning “talk therapy”, they decided to focus on tactics that bring behavioral change instead, and this is what neuro-linguistic programming was about. In fact, it’s an evolution of certain aspects of hypnotherapy.
 
But unlike hypnotherapy, which requires the subject to be under suggestion while in a trance, NLP uses subtle suggestions on the subconscious mind of a person who is wide awake. And this person never even knows it’s happening.
 
How does it work?
 
By watching slight clues, a person can use NLP to determine a few basic things about another individual. Neuro-linguistic programming looks at nervous movements, skin flush, dilation of pupils, and even the movement of the eyes. These little indicators answer three questions.
  • What sense is the person using? (sight, hearing, smell)
  • Which side of the brain is currently being used
  • How their brain storage works and how they utilize information
 
After these questions are answered, then the NPLer can mimic these. Copying these indicators helps build rapport between the two. In order to “influence” someone, it’s best to be in a sort of agreement with their body language. While it can be difficult to completely change the mindset of another person, you can use NLP to guide them toward a decision they were rolling over in their brains just by copying them.
 
However, this technique can be used on you, and you might not even know it. No matter if its manipulation or influence, it can definitely feel like you’re being unwillingly persuaded if not used in a completely positive manner – a manner that is productive leading to an improvement in your life.
 
Regardless, here are signs that say NLP is being used on you:
 
1. Copying your mannerisms
 
Pay attention to those around you. When you do certain things, or use certain body language, does someone seem to be copying those things? If you’re with a friend, is your friend doing this to you? Watch them.
 
Are they crossing their legs when you do? Are they pushing strands of hair away from their face right after you make this movement? Some people are better at covering these movements than others, but if you really watch, you will catch them.
 
2. They use the magic touch
 
Neuro-linguistic programming enables a person to have what seems to be a magic touch. For instance, if you’re upset about something and they touch your shoulder, and then, later on, they touch your shoulder again and you get upset about the same topic, they have anchored you.
 
According to Bandler and Grinder, this actually works. If you notice it happening, then you know someone is using the NLP technique on you.
 
3. They use vague language
 
If you’ve ever been hypnotized, then you’ve been under the power of vague language. This type of gibberish doesn’t mean anything. It’s used to get you into a certain state of mind. It’s not really nonsense, as far as understanding the actual words, it’s just sentences that seem to say a lot but actually say nothing.
 
Let me see if I can give you an example of this: “I see you are entering the space of your present being and letting go of what you are in the present but repeating the present in order to enter that space.” Whew, that was hard for me to concoct, but hopefully, it made no sense so I could prove my point. Anyway, NLPers use this sort of language.
 
4. The pressure to make quick decisions
 
You will notice that someone is using neuro linguistic programming when you are being pressured to make a quick decision about something. If you’re like me, you need some time to think things over before making many choices. Not everything in life can be a quick yes or no.
 
In fact, along with pressure for quick decision making, you will be pushed ever so slightly toward the answer they want to hear. Watch out, and tell them that you need more time.
5. They use layered language
 
People who are skilled in neuro-linguistic programming use layered language to get what they want. In case you don’t know what layered language is, here’s an example: “I think we should all be productive, sharp, and brave enough to make quick decisions…you know, not like slackers.”
 
Remember, I just mentioned pressuring people about making quick decisions. Well, that layered language will work in two ways, it will pressure you and it will intend to bring about guilt for needing time to think about things. Watch out for hidden tricks within sentences.
 
6. Giving permission to do what they want
 
One of the most interesting signs of those who have undergone NLP training is permission pressure. If you’re the NLPer, then maybe you want someone to give you money. Just say, “Go ahead and let go of your selfish nature. Here, try it with me”, or “Feel free to use me as next first selfless deed.”
 
While these may not be the best decisions, I think you can get the idea of what I’m saying. You’re supposed to think that your interests come first and they are important, but with negative usage of NLP, it’s the opposite.
 
You will know them by the way they give you permission to do what they want. It sounds twisty and it is. They will say, “Feel free to let yourself go and have a good time”, all the while they are getting to take advantage of you. If they happen to have good intentions, then maybe they’re truly trying to help you relax. Either way, be wary of anything like this.
 
Honestly, NLP can be used for good or bad
 
Yes, it’s true, while there are those who try to take advantage of you with neuro-linguistic programming, there are also those who use it to help you become a better person, slightly nudging you toward something you need to do. In this case, it’s a good thing.
 
If you have a good heart, you may want to learn neuro-linguistic programming to help someone. You can learn to detect when something is wrong with someone, or when you need to intervene in order to sway their decision-making process, which is rare but sometimes needed. You see, it can serve as a good tool for many people.
 
However, I will just leave it at this. You should always be aware of your surroundings, no matter what. If someone is your true friend, you will know it soon enough. If you gain the ability to use NLP, make sure you use it for the good of society and not for the bad. Let’s keep moving forward.



Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 18:14
Sábado, 21 / 12 / 19

Why Mental Health Stigma Still Exists Today and How to Break It

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 20th, 2019.

 
Mental Health Stigma.


 
I’d hoped it would be much better by now, but mental health stigma still rages on. And we suffer in its aftermath.
 
I speak as someone with mental illness, and I am not afraid to share anything about those illnesses. But that’s not what this is about. I want to talk about stigmas, the disgrace and disappointment projected toward those with mental disorders or even the disgust we feel about ourselves. You see, a stigma can go either way, but mostly, it comes from the outside. So, let’s take a close look at where this started.
 
History of mental health stigma
 
It started in the Neolithic times when trephining was being used to cure mental illness. You see people of that time thought evil spirits were responsible for these types of conditions, and so they drilled holes in the skull to release evil spirits. Yeah, that’s what trephining is, scary huh.
 
No, the stigma is not like that now, and it has come a long way. However, it’s been called the mark of the devil, the punishment from immoral activity, and even a symptom of hysteria, which was considered a disease that only women had. It generally caused all sorts of symptoms, but they were all considered mentally deranged.
 
Anyway, for the most part, psychiatrists have abandoned the term hysteria altogether, and that’s a start. Now, professionals use facts in determining and differentiating mental illnesses.
 
Stigma around mental health still exists for many reasons. Truth be told, most of the people launching stigmatic statements are probably suffering from some mental or personality disorder themselves. It’s a most likely narcissistic disorder or something of the sort.
 
But the point is, stigma still exists because people don’t want to understand mental illness. It’s easier for them to push it away, keep calling it a demon, or simply see this illness as a mode of attention-seeking.
 
A few reasons stigma is still here
 
Ignorance
 
I’m sorry, but some people are just uneducated about so many things. Hey, there are millions of things that I don’t understand, I am sure. But when it comes to someone who suffers from a mental illness, you should want to understand them in order to help. Sometimes it’s the refusal to understand, because if they understand, then they no longer have a reason to hold a grudge against the sufferer’s symptoms.
 
I’ve seen it, and I sometimes live it. Then you have people who are just too lazy to do the proper research it takes to understand these illnesses and help break the stigma. That’s just a pathetic reason. Sorry, but I generally don’t hold back when I feel passionate about something.
 
Gossiping about symptoms
 
Do you know how else stigmas are used? Sometimes friends talk about that one friend who has strange symptoms, the one who has unpredictable symptoms, which most mentally ill people do. I know, I can be perfectly fine until I have a panic attack. I can be okay until I go into a rage, which is rare, don’t worry.
 
And I can also be okay right before I go to bed and sleep all day leaving everything disheveled and housework is undone. Stigma grows when you talk about your friends and their “odd” and “random” behavior. Here’s a good place to stop. Right here! Just don’t judge, and drop the gossip. It’s childish anyway.
 
Lies about danger
 
Many of us with mental illnesses are called dangerous people. Ignorant people say that we could get angry and suddenly become violent. Well, honestly, anybody could do that in the right condition, right time, the right environment and so on. It’s like when you compare deaths in airplanes to deaths in cars. Many people refuse to get on an airplane because they are afraid they’ll crash and die, but they are okay with jumping in cars all the time.
 
Guess what! More deaths have happened in cars than in airplanes, many more. So just because it’s a bit intimidating, seems scary, and operates in a different way, doesn’t mean it’s any more dangerous than the “sane” guys. Yes, we get angry or upset, but it’s usually because of something that someone uneducated has done or said.
 
They say we’re helpless
 
I have lived with mental illness since I was a child, officially diagnosed at the age of 18. I have managed to survive for many decades, and at times, without the help of others. That means completely independent.
 
Although I sometimes suffer from dissociation, panic attacks, and triggered attacks, I can also use logic to do amazing things. I’ve raised three sons who are all in gifted, higher level, classes. So, those with mental illness are not helpless and sometimes more than capable.
 
How do we break this filthy habit?
 
I’m sorry, but I see mental health stigma as a filthy habit. I see it as a lazy man’s way of walking all over others. I see it as a choice to not understand in order to get ahead or to totally ignore us. I’ve been around people who utilize stigma, and it’s painful. And I’ve tried to make friends with people I really shouldn’t have. Hey, I was just trying to fit in for my kids, you know, the sport’s mom stuff. But this is it. This type of behavior has got to stop.
 
So, how do we do away with mental health stigma? Well, we start with ourselves. Yep, I said it. People with mental illnesses can also use stigma against others with mental health issues. We must see this in ourselves and then stop.
 
After that, we must keep writing, getting that information out there for those who need it. We must keep asking our friends, loved ones, and neighbors to read this material. We should keep making movies that approach these stigmas, continue painting pictures that represent how we feel, giving us the opportunity to explain the stigmatic monster within the colors.
 
And no, we cannot make everyone see the truth, but if they can’t we can get away from them, and we should. Mental health doesn’t need a stigma to go along with its pain and confusion. What we need are love and understanding. Please stand with me against stigma.



Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com
 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 01:45
Sexta-feira, 20 / 12 / 19

7 Famous People with Asperger’s Who Made a Difference in the World

Francesca Forsythe.

https://www.learning-mind.com

December 19th, 2019.




 
Asperger’s is a common disorder that affects over 37 million people. However, some of those sufferers with Asperger’s are famous people who have made a profound difference in the world.
 
It can be a worry when someone we care about has something which makes them a little different. Asperger’s is a common mental disorder that causes social difficulties, especially in children. This can be a concern for parents as children grow into adulthood. Yet, there are many famous people who suffered from Asperger’s and yet have made overwhelming changes to the world. Some sufferers are people you might not even expect.
 
What Is Asperger’s Syndrome?
 
Asperger’s was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 2013. Therefore, it does not have what you would call a ‘formal diagnosis’. It is now part of the Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis. However, many still associate with the name Asperger’s due to the difference of the syndrome to Autism.
 
The key difference between Autism and Asperger’s is that those with Asperger’s still have a keen interest in others. They want to fit in and make friends. Still, they struggle to do so due to their difficulty with emotion and empathy.
 
Asperger’s is named after Austrian paediatrician Hans Asperger in 1933. He discovered a string of traits in young children. These included:
“a lack of empathy, little ability to form friendships, one-sided conversation, intense absorption in a special interest, and clumsy movements.”
 
Asperger called his young children ‘little professors‘ because they would know a great deal about their favorite topic.
 
Asperger’s is a subtype of autism spectrum disorder. Sufferers are highly functioning, intelligent people but have difficulty in social situations. Those with the disorder struggle to associate with other people and lack emotional insight or comedy. They also may seem awkward or clumsy and may become fixated on certain subjects.
 
Telltale signs are a rigidity to a certain schedule, however unusual, and an oversensitivity to loud noises, bright lights or strong smells.
 
Diagnosing Asperger’s is a difficult process because there is no one test. Instead, psychologists will look for evidence of symptoms from quite a long list in order to diagnose. A proper diagnosis will take several factors into account. For example, the relative strength and frequency of these symptoms as well as interactions with others.
 
There are many famous people with Asperger’s, or at least considered to have it due to their behaviors. Below we have a list of famous people who are believed to have Asperger’s. This diverse list can prove that Asperger’s is really something that gives you a little extra potential.
 
7 Famous People with Asperger’s
 
Sir Isaac Newton (1643 – 1727)
 
 
Sir Isaac Newton is one of the greatest minds in math and physics. He revolutionized the field with his three laws of motion. Nonetheless, he could be a jerk at times. However, recently, psychologists have theorized that Newton may have been struggling with Asperger’s. Reports suggest that Newton was not good with people, despite his mighty intelligence.
 
Thomas Jefferson (1743 – 1826)
 
 
Thomas Jefferson has been one of the most controversial suggestions when it comes to famous people with Asperger’s. This suggestion is due to his discomfort in public speaking. Those who knew him also said that he had difficulty relating to others. Likewise, he was sensitive to loud noises and kept strange routines. Although this is mere speculation, the evidence points strongly to Asperger’s syndrome.
 
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756 – 1791)

 
Of all the famous people with Asperger’s, Mozart is arguably one of the biggest. Most psychologists are in agreement that Mozart suffered from Asperger’s. Or at least fell somewhere on the autism spectrum. He was sensitive to loud noises and had an incredibly short attention span. Although not confirmed, this leads many to believe he had Asperger’s.
 
Andy Warhol (1928 – 1987)
 
Andy Warhol is one of the most famed artists of the 60s and 70s. Although not formally diagnosed, professionals have pointed to his odd relationships and many of his eccentric behaviors to make an informal diagnosis of the syndrome.
 
Sir Anthony Hopkins (1937 – )
 
One of the most famous actors of the 21st Century, Sir Anthony Hopkins, shot to stardom as Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs. Hopkins has reported that he has high-end Asperger’s which affects his socialization skills. He considered that the condition made him look at people differently but that he thinks it helped him as an actor.
 
Bill Gates (1955 – )
 
Bill Gates has been considered to have Asperger’s Syndrome for years. He is eccentric and has seen to have a habit of rocking and difficulty accepting criticisms. Many consider this to be indicative of the syndrome. Although a formal diagnosis has never been publicized, Mr. Gates remains a hero of the Asperger’s community.
 
Tim Burton (1958 – )
 
We know the American film director, producer, writer and animator Tim Burton for his quirky films such as Corpse Bride and The Planet of the Apes. However, his former long term partner has suggested that Burton displays many symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome. She noted that he is highly intelligent but lacks social skills, which is indicative of the disorder.
Final Thoughts
 
It can be a little scary to find out someone we care about may have Asperger’s. When faced with this, it is important to remember that it doesn’t change who that person is. They are still perfectly capable of becoming incredibly successful adults. They might even be more successful than your average person.
 
Some of the most famous people suspected to be diagnosed with Asperger’s have been the most impactful people in history. This just goes to show that we are capable of anything, no matter who we are or what makes us different.


References:
  1. allthatsinteresting.com
  2. www.theguardian.com
 


 


Francesca Forsythe





 

About the Author: Francesca Forsythe

Francesca is a freelance writer currently studying a degree in Law and Philosophy. She has written for several blogs in a range of subjects across Lifestyle, Relationships and Health and Fitness. Her main pursuits are learning new innovative ways of keeping fit and healthy, as well as broadening her knowledge in as many areas as possible in order to achieve success.
 
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 

 
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 


All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 
 

 
 
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publicado por achama às 17:05
Sexta-feira, 20 / 12 / 19

FOBO: The Reason You Struggle with Making Decisions and How to Overcome It.

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted December 18th, 2019.

 
fobo.

 


I’m sure that you have all heard of Fomo, or the ‘fear of missing out’, but have you heard about the ‘fear of better options’ (Fobo)? Fobo is consuming many of our thought patterns and affecting our behavior for the worst. The more anxious sister of Fomo, Fobo is attributed as the reason why some of us struggle to make even the simplest of decisions.

In this post, we take a closer look at the reasons behind Fobo. We will also give you some helpful steps to overcome the difficulties you may be having with making decisions.

What Is Fobo?

The freedom of choice we have access to in the modern world is indeed a privilege. However, with so many things to choose from, it can lead us to make no decisions at all. This is what the fear of better options relates to. In other words, when we are faced with a multitude of options, the fear of missing out on the best one leads us to a state of indecision.

The term Fobo was coined by the US venture capitalist Patrick McGinnis, who also came up with the term Fomo. According to McGinnis, Fobo is the “coping mechanism” we use to deal with the fear of making the wrong decision in case if “something better comes along”. However, the persistence of Fobo in our lives can lead to not only a general dissatisfaction in our own life, but also cause our friends, family, and colleagues to despair with us also.

McGinnis defines Fobo as being an “affliction of affluence” and is, therefore, restricted to the privileged who have the benefit of power and money to give them so many options. This is an affliction, therefore, that can also be used by large corporations, as well as individuals, as a justification for “not doing something”.

Discussion around the demotivating power of choice is not entirely new. Iyengar and Lepper’s study in 2000 concluded that individuals who had fewer options derived greater satisfaction from the decisions they made.

The concept of ‘maximizers’ and ‘satisficers’ has also been a popular phenomenon in psychology when discussing individuals’ approaches to decision making. ‘Maximizers’ are those that base their decisions on the maximum benefit later on. Whereas ‘satisficers’ settle for a decision based on more modest criteria (and less research).

The lack of commitment that maximizers show to their decisions, according to Joyce Erlinger from Florida State University, makes them less satisfied with their choices in the long term.

How to Overcome Fobo?
If the concept of Fobo is ringing true for you, then fear not. There are some steps you can take to improve your decision making power and overcome the constant fear of what better options are waiting for you around the corner. Here are some tips to set you in the right direction:
1. Recognize that you can never be aware of all your options
While it is normal to want to select the best option in all areas of your life, it is helpful to recognize that it’s impossible to examine all of the potential options available. Acknowledging this fact is a key part of beginning your journey to be released from the restraint of Fobo. It can also be beneficial to acknowledge that there may be multiple ‘best’ options. So, in making a decision, you’re one step closer to getting one of those.

2. Be clear about what it is you want
Fobo can lead to hours of research and deliberation. This results in a spiral of indecision, confusion and, ultimately, frustration. To overcome this, try making a set of clear criteria of what you want to get out of your decision. Make sure you restrict yourself to 3 or 4 criteria. Once you have found those criteria in an option, go for it.
3. Be honest with yourself
McGinnis states that an element of Fobo can derive from resistance to, or fear of, saying no to something. We may delay our decision by giving a tentative ‘maybe’ to an option which, when you’re honest with yourself, you know is not right for you. To prevent delaying the negative, saying no immediately can prevent the escalation of Fobo.
4. Set yourself a time limit
Your indecisiveness does not only affects your own experiences, but it can also influence those around you. Waiting for a decision can be a stressful time for others. Not to mention putting you in the bad books with those closest to you. Setting yourself a time limit to make a decision can be an effective way to improve your decision-making ability, and lead to greater satisfaction with your choices.

For instance, you’ve been given a few options for a Friday night but are worried about choosing the best option. In this instance, giving yourself a time limit of Wednesday to decide ensures that you can enjoy your weekend and prevent annoying your friends.
Final Thoughts

Having a fear of better options (Fobo) can have serious effects on your ability to enjoy your life. Never making a decision may result in you missing out on fun opportunities or important life chances. Fortunately, it is possible to tackle this obsession with finding perfection by following our simple steps.
 

 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 02:27
Quinta-feira, 19 / 12 / 19

What Is Empathy, What Are the Types and Why Do We Need It?

By Valerie Soleil.

learning-mind.com.

Posted December 18th, 2019. 

 




 
“I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.” – Maya Angelou
 
 
The term empathy was first introduced to the English language by American psychologist E.B. Titchener. He coined the term after translating the German counterpart “Einfühlung”. However, he was referring to the phenomena of motor mimicry. This is where someone is directing mimicking another’s actions.
 
What Is Empathy?
 
The term we know and use today is very different. Empathy can be tricky to define since it covers a broad area. While it is hard to define, many can agree on one common opinion; it is an automatic mental response to someone else’s actions, thought process, or emotions.
 
Simply put, empathy is the ability to fully comprehend or experience other people’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Ever heard the phrase “walk a mile in someone’s shoes”? This is referring to empathy.
 
What Is the Difference Between Sympathy and Empathy?
 
These terms are different in reality, however, they are often used interchangeably in speech.
 
Although they seem very similar, there is a very clear distinction between empathy and sympathy. Sympathy is when you share the feelings of another person which can relate to feelings and emotions.
 
“A distinction is maintained between self and other. Sympathy involves the experience of being moved by, or responding in tune with, another person.” – Hodges and Myers
 
Empathy is when you fully understand the feelings of another but do not always share or feel them. However, sometimes empathy can lead to shared feelings and emotions.
 
“Empathy is often defined as understanding another person’s experience by imagining oneself in that other person’s situation: One understands the other person’s experience as if it were being experienced by the self, but without the self actually experiencing it.” – Hodges and Myers
 
What Is the Difference Between Empathy and Empaths?
 
Empathy is the ability to read and appreciate another person. It can be a tough situation they are going through or simply understanding their points of view in a conversation. At times you can feel their emotions, but this isn’t always the case.
 
Empaths are susceptibly emotional people. They experience high levels of understanding when it comes to reading another person’s emotional state of being. As a consequence, this usually translates into directly sharing the emotions of someone else.
 
Their intense empathy creates a shared emotional understanding. Where an empath strongly feels the emotions of people around them, this can be a one on one experience or in a large crowd. Many people who are empaths are unaware. They simply accept that they are sensitive to the energy around them. Or that they feel more emotions than the average person.
 
Empaths can tune into another living being’s experience intuitively, whether they know they are doing so or not. Some empaths can even experience the energy of all living things like plants and animals.
 
It sounds cool being an empath. However, people who do not understand it are left feeling drained, or over-energized. All without even realizing what happened. However, if you learn to accept your over-emotional empathic energy, you can manage or even harness it.

  • What Are the Types of Empathy?
  • Cognitive Empathy
  • Emotional Empathy
  • Compassionate Empathy

 
There are three different types of empathy. Some people are better at understanding one type. However, you can develop all three. If you can you are on your way to becoming an emotionally intelligent human being.
 
A person high in perspective-taking may be good at understanding others’ points of view. Yet they might be prone to emotional cues. Or, an emotionally developed person could be good at experiencing emotional states.
 
Usually, we can all appreciate each type on some level. The key is to keep an open mind when communicating. Then you can deeply relate to another person.
 
Cognitive Empathy
 
Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand someone’s thought process. It makes us better communicators. This is because it helps us recognize the best way to communicate. In addition, we can relate to someone in their own words, so to speak.
 
This refers to the ability to comprehend what a person might be thinking on a level others cannot. You can develop this level of empathy by simply asking the question “What is the other person going through? How are they thinking in this situation”?
 
This type can be a huge advantage. Especially when you find yourself needing to “get inside another person’s head”. This trait is perfect for leadership roles, undergoing negotiations, or trying to manage a large group. However, those who react purely with this type can seem cold or unattached since it does not invoke feelings or emotions.
 
Emotional Empathy
 
This is affective empathy. It is the ability to share the feelings of someone else. This type helps you build emotional relationships with others. This refers to the ability to recognize the feelings of another person through an emotional connection. It answers the question: “How does the other person feel?”
 
Have you ever been watching a sad movie and found yourself crying? This is the most basic example of emotional empathy. Most of us have this emotional capacity on some level. However, it can be challenging to speak to a person you might not like very much and still be able to feel emotional empathy for them.
 
Emotional empathy is wonderful but like anything, it can have its downside. One downside of this type occurs when people lack the ability to manage their own emotions as well as the overwhelming amount of emotions they feel when communicating with other people. It can lead to a feeling of burn out and exhaustion.
 
Compassionate Empathy
 
This is empathic concern. This usually is the most intense version of empathy. Actually, it goes far beyond simply feeling or understanding the emotions of others. This is usually what drives people to volunteer, take action or help all living beings in any way possible.
 
Have you have ever experienced the real agony of seeing an animal on the street, or a child being abused and felt this strong urge to do something? This is compassionate empathy. The main question asked is: “What can I do to help?”
 
This particular kind uses your emotional intelligence to help a situation. It invokes not only an emotional response but also intellectual problem-solving.
 
This type is so vital, especially in today’s society. This is because it involvesaction. Typically invoking the first two types of empathy as well. If you can truly understand and share the feelings of another being, you can help them on a deeper level.
 
Why Do We Experience Empathy?
 
Now let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of why we have the capability of empathy in the first place. We have something called “mirror neurons”. These fire when animals or humans observe and experience emotion in others. This was a huge breakthrough in the field of neuroscience. In fact, it gave us a great understanding of why we feel empathy.
 
Empathy is an adaptation that we essentially needed to evolve. Evolution teaches us that specialized neurobiological mechanisms in the prefrontal cortex have evolved in humans. They not only perceive but also predict and respond accordingly. This is why different types exist. But also why we need to be able to comprehend and utilize all three of them.
 
Why Do We Need It?
 
“When you show deep empathy toward others, their defence energy goes down and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.”- Stephen Covey
 
Try this experiment the next time you are stuck in traffic or waiting in line for something. Take a serious look at the people around you and imagine who they might be, what kind of lives do they live? What they might be thinking at this very moment? Are they frustrated? Happy? Bored? Try to really consider the state of this person. This will help put yourself in their shoes and will help to develop empathy.
 
Empathy is very important when it comes to building genuine relationships with others. Start with your family or significant other. Because if you can’t connect with the most important people in your life, then who can you connect with?
 
Empathy from a global perspective is so crucial. In society, we are often taught to look out for number one, pursue our own goals, whatever the cost might be. And yes, self-care and goals are important. However, we need to stop looking at ourselves as separate from others. We should start looking at ourselves as one. Because after all, we are all the same at the end of the day. Each person experiences the same struggles, joys, pain, and love that we do.
 
Empathy is what pushes people to help when there are major disasters. Ordinary people are willing to help strangers. Not only because they feel a profound level of compassion towards them. But also because they know if the roles were reversed, others would help them. Without it, the world would be a much darker place to live.
 
 
Empathy is so significant for human connection. Likewise, human connections are what contribute to a happy, healthy life. It really does make the world go ‘round.
 
How to Be More Empathetic in Relationships
 
The key factors to empathic interactions are listening and understanding.
 
Most of us have this terrible habit of talking at people instead of actually talking to them. We say our piece and for us, the conversation is over. Then, while the other person is speaking, we are already thinking about what we want to say next instead of listening to what is coming out of their mouths.
 
Actively listening means that you are trying not to judge the other person. You are actually listening without interrupting or formulating a response.
 
Healthy relationships require patience, nurturing and thoughtfulness. A relationship that lacks empathy typically won’t last. This is because both sides aren’t receiving what they truly need. When people only think of their own interests, they have nothing else to offer another person.
 
By striving to understand someone’s needs you can build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. This is so important when building a romantic relationship with a partner.
 
 
The workplace may be one of the most difficult places for empathetic relationships to develop. Mainly as many people tend to separate their personal feelings from the workplace. However, a successful work environment usually requires teamwork. So, it’s important to utilize empathy in the workplace. Without it, it’s much easier to fall into disagreements. In the long run, this can make a workplace a very hostile place to be.
 
This can also be applied to managing others. Bosses who lack empathy are likely to have miserable employees. In addition, their work will suffer because of it. It has been proven that people work better from praise and acknowledgements then they do from fear and punishment.
 
By actively practising empathy in the workplace, we can inspire others to work harder. Only then can they can contribute their unique needs and talents.
 
Teaching empathy is so important in early childhood. Especially when responding to a child’s needs and emotions. Children continue to develop empathy when they see their parents or caregivers practising it. This is because children mimic not only actions but also feelings and emotions from the people around them.
 
This is a very common trait that sociopaths lack. They never learned to develop empathy or solid relationships at a young age. As a result, they lack the ability to develop it later in life.
 
Final Thoughts
 
Self-awareness and a non-judgmental attitude are needed before you can properly empathize with someone else. Look within yourself and find the strength to understand we are all connected. It doesn’t matter what is on the outside. At the core, every person is experiencing life in a similar way.
 
Empathy can not only strengthen your relationships but it will genuinely make you a better human being. One who leads a happy productive life.
 
References:

Valerie Soleil


 



 
About the Author: Valerie Soleil


Valerie Soleil is a writer with over 5 years of experience and holds a bachelor degree in law and a B.A. in Psychology. She is a physical & mental health enthusiast who constantly expands her knowledge about the mysteries of the human body and mind. Some of the activities Valerie is particularly passionate about are traveling and reading because they help her broaden her horizons.
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 

Archives:
 



 
A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com


 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 

 



 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 05:38
A Luz está a revelar a Verdade, e esta libertar-nos-á! -Só é real o AMOR Incondicional. -Quando o Amor superar o amor pelo poder, o mundo conhecerá a Paz; Jimi Hendrix. -Somos almas a ter uma experiência humana!

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