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Quinta-feira, 12 / 03 / 20

Personality in the Workplace: 9 Most Difficult Types.

Personality in the Workplace: 

9 Most Difficult Types.

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

March 12th, 2020.

 
Personality in the Workplace.
 
 
 
Over the years, I’ve worked in a lot of different jobs. From factory floors to secretarial roles, it doesn’t seem to matter which. There’s always one personality in the workplace that gets on everyone’s nerves.
 
And that gave me an idea. There must be specific personality types in the workplace that everyone recognises and secretly despises. So let’s bring them out into the open where they belong.
 
9 Most Difficult Types of Personality in the Workplace
 
The Under-Miner
 
I remember starting work at an electrical contracting company as a secretary and the firm consisted of all men. One man, in particular, was a sneaky ‘whisper in the ear’ kind of guy that would say things to undermine my confidence.
 
It was my first time working as a secretary, so I was new to the role and didn’t know what was expected of me. This one guy would appear to offer help and advice but then add a kind of afterthought that made me doubt my decision or actions.
 
This kind of personality in the workplace is undermining you to get ahead themselves by making you look bad.
 
The Ass-Kisser
 
I’ve come across several of these in my time. The person that rushes up to the boss with a tea or coffee as soon as they walk through the door. The ones that always turn up early to work and leave late to show willing.
 
They make everyone else feel as if they aren’t doing as much as they should. This sort of personality feeds resentment in the workplace. I mean, no one likes an ass-kisser in any walk of life.
 
So why do they act this way? Because they have a need to feel special and favourite.
 
The Gossip
 
You often get cliques forming in certain workplace environments, and this is where you’ll find our third difficult workplace personality – the gossip.
 
This person loves to spread rumours and lies about people. They play colleagues off one another to cause friction. In fact, this is really a form of bullying. Gossips feel better about themselves by making others feel worse. Gossip isolates people and it’s particularly insidious in small companies.
 
The Over-Sharer
 
I once worked in a factory office and I was leaving the job and training up my replacement. She didn’t know anyone there and had only been learning the job for two days.
 
The office was open plan and had around 50 employees working there. One day, in a very loud voice, she informed me that this was her first real fulltime position after she had miscarried her baby.
 
This came out of nowhere. It was loud enough for everyone close by to hear. I didn’t really know her that well, but she proceeded to go into quite revealing details about the miscarriage and the treatment in hospital. The over-sharer wants everyone to know their most intimate private details.
 
The Perfectionist
 
Have you ever had to stay late because your team leader wants just ‘one more draft’ before you go? This is the work of the perfectionist, and she or he can keep us at work for hours. Nothing is ever finished, nothing is ever good enough. You can deliver the most perfect content and it will come back with suggestions or edits.
 
The problem with this personality is that they are probably not just like this in the workplace. They are more than likely to be perfectionists at home too. So it’s not something they do to get at colleagues, it’s in their nature.
 
The Depressive
 
Whatever you say to the depressive, it will never work and it won’t succeed. The depressive is the one with a negative attitude toward everything.
 
The thing is, they never have a suggestion for what might work. They just need to tell you that your idea won’t work. And it doesn’t matter how many different solutions you put to them, none will get through. Their only role in life is to put down everything everyone suggests and bring us all down to their depressive level.
 
The Critic
 
On the other hand, we have the critic. Now, you might think the depressive and the critic are the same, but they’re not.
 
The critic will take great delight in criticising your work or your ideas. They get their energy from contradicting what you say. They are even known to make up bogus facts and figures to make their argument seem valid.
 
To them, this is a fight, a battle, a duel to the end. There can only be one winner and they’ll do everything in their power to win. These are the kind of people that argue black is white.
 
The Slacker
 
We all know someone who doesn’t pull their fair share of work. Actually, when I was younger it was me! I worked in a reject kitchen shop and was responsible for the packing up of orders. In the warehouse, boxes were stored at the back. Because most of the stuff we sold was jumpers and knitted accessories, the boxes were very soft.
 
You could make a nice little nest from these boxes where you would be hidden from the main part of the warehouse. My friend and I would take it in turns to have little afternoon naps for half an hour while the other would keep an eye out for the boss. Hey, I was 17!
 
The Weirdo
 
I’ve also worked with some weirdos in my time. One stands out in particular. This is another office tale. We had a smoking room in the days where you were allowed to smoke indoors and there was one guy who used the smoking room that everyone else avoided talking to.
 
I was told some rumours and gossip about him but decided to make up my own mind. Anyone, we got talking and sort of became friends over time. Then one day he said, “I’ve told my friend I’ve met someone.” I said that I thought that was great, and he looked puzzled and said ‘It’s you’.
 
I was a bit worried then he started sending me emails, asking me out, turning up at my flat, coming into work drunk and finally threatening me. In the end, because the company didn’t do anything, I left.
 
Final thoughts
 
Can you identify with any of these difficult personality types in the workplace or do you know any I haven’t covered? Let me know!
 
 
References:

  1. inc.com
  2. imgur.com


Janey Davies

 





About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

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publicado por achama às 18:20
Terça-feira, 10 / 03 / 20

4 Most Interesting Theories of Intelligence in Psychology

4 Most Interesting Theories of Intelligence in Psychology

Francesca Forsythe.

https://www.learning-mind.com

March 9th, 2020.

 
 
Intelligence and how we gain it has been a puzzle for centuries, but there are four theories in psychology I think you’ll find most interesting.
 
Psychologists have been trying to define intelligence for centuries, but many disagree on what intelligence really is. This has led to the development of many different psychological theories of intelligence that fall into four major categories.
 
These categories are psychometric, cognitive, cognitive-contextual, and biological. As there are too many theories to talk about at once, allow me to introduce the most interesting theories from each of these research areas.
 
Theories of Intelligence in Psychology
 
Psychometric: Fluid and Crystallized Ability
 
The fluid and crystallized intelligence theory was originally developed by Raymond B Cattell between 1941 to 1971. This theory of intelligence rested upon a set of ability tests that were used as factors to define an individual’s abilities.
 
Fluid intelligence relates to inductive and deductive reasoning, comprehending implications and understanding relations between stimuli. To Cattell, these skills lay the foundation for the very basic biological capacity to learn. Crystalized abilities are related to vocabulary and cultural knowledge. They are learned through formal schooling and life experiences.
 
Fluid and crystallized abilities are not independent of one another, their main difference is the academic dimension of crystallized ability. Fluid ability was shown to be at its height when the individual is in their 20s and then drops as they age. Crystalized abilities peak much later and remain high until later in life.
 
Cognitive: Processing Speed and Aging
 
In relation to fluid and crystallized ability intelligence theory, processing speed and aging seeks to explain why fluid ability declines with age.
 
Timothy Salthouse proposed that the decline is the result of our processing speed for cognitive processes slowing down as we age. He states that this is related to two mechanisms of impaired performance:
  • The limited-time mechanism – The time to perform later cognitive processes is restricted when a large proportion of the available time is given to earlier cognitive processing
  • The simultaneity mechanism – Earlier cognitive processing may be lost by the time later cognitive processing is completed
 
Salthouse found that nearly 75% of age-related variance in cognitive processing was shared with measures of cognitive speed, which is incredible support for his theory. Although it is not exactly classed as one of the theories of intelligence, it does go a long way to explain why intelligence changes as we age.
 
Cognitive-contextual: Piaget’s Stage Theory of Development
 
This theory of intelligence is essentially related to child development. Piaget posed that there are four stages of intellectual development. The theory suggests that the child assimilates to different environments by using different methods of thinking about the world.
 
The child will eventually find a mismatch between their environment and their ways of thinking, encouraging them to create new and more advanced ways of thinking to adapt.
 
Sensorimotor stage (Birth to 2 years old)
 
In this stage, children understand their environment through sensation and motor operations. By the end of this stage, children will understand that objects continue to exist when out of sight, otherwise known as object permanence. They will also remember things and imagine ideas or experiences, also known as mental representation. Mental representation allows for the development of language skills to begin.
 
Preoperational stage (2 to 6 years old)
 
During this stage, children can use symbolic thinking and language to understand and communicate with the world. Imagination develops and flourishes during this stage and the child begins to take an egocentric position. They will see others and only be able to view their actions in light of their own perspective.
 
However, at the end of this stage, they will begin to understand the points of view of others. By the end of this stage, children will also be able to start reasoning about things in a logical manner.
Concrete operational stage (7 to 11 years old)
 
It is at this stage when children begin to apply logical operations and specific experiences or perceptions of their environment. They will begin to learn about conservation, classification, and numbering. They will also begin to appreciate that most questions have logical and correct answers which they can find by reasoning.
 
Formal operational state (12 years old and onwards)
 
At the final stage, children begin to think about abstract or hypothetical questions and ideas. They no longer need to use the objects involved in a question to answer it. More abstract topics, such as philosophy and ethics, become much more interesting as their personalities really begin to develop.
 
Biological: Brain Size
 
Many theories in psychology have addressed the connection between the size of the brain and the level of intelligence. It is clear that there is a relation between the two, however, there is no clear relationship. There are also theories of intelligence which state that genetics is a greater factor than brain size, but research is still being conducted.
 
With a huge number of theories of intelligence in psychology, it is impossible to cram them all into a single article. These four theories are my favorite, but there are so many others to look into what you may prefer. Intelligence is a mystery, but seeking to understand it is how we learn.
 
 
References:

  1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
  2. https://faculty.virginia.edu

 
 
 

Francesca Forsythe





 

About the Author: Francesca Forsythe

Francesca is a freelance writer currently studying a degree in Law and Philosophy. She has written for several blogs in a range of subjects across Lifestyle, Relationships and Health and Fitness. Her main pursuits are learning new innovative ways of keeping fit and healthy, as well as broadening her knowledge in as many areas as possible in order to achieve success.
 
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 

 
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

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Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
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publicado por achama às 08:27
Terça-feira, 10 / 03 / 20

How Safety Bias Tricks Socially Anxious People into Toxic Avoidance.

How Safety Bias Tricks Socially Anxious People into Toxic Avoidance.

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

March 9th, 2020.

 
safety bias social anxiety.
 

 
 
People with social anxiety are often told to face their fears. That gradual exposure to social situations will improve their anxiety. But research suggests those that do not improve are using safety bias tricks without realising. So what are these tricks and how do they lead to avoidance?
 
What Are Safety Bias Behaviours?
 
Socially anxious people fear social situations for a number of reasons. Some may feel trapped, others suffer from cripplingly low self-esteem, and some simply have anxiety attacks in social settings.
 
With all types of anxiety disorders, the treatment suggested is a gradual exposure to the fear-producing situation. The premise is to introduce the person very gradually to situations that cause slight anxiety. Once the person learns to stay in the situation and manage the fear, they can move onto a higher level of anxiety.
 
The idea is that by staying in the fear-producing setting, the person learns that nothing untoward happens and eventually the fear subsides. By the end, the person has overcome their social phobia.
 
This is all well and good. But as someone with a phobia will tell you, it’s never that simple. And researchers have found that socially anxious people are using safety bias tricks to avoid social situations. So let’s get down to it; what are these behaviors?
 
12 Safety Bias Tricks People with Social Anxiety Use
 
Safety bias makes a person undertake certain behaviours during a social setting which are designed to make them feel better, or safe, but in fact, don’t.
 
Some examples include:
  1. Always getting the end seat in a cinema so you can leave quickly if you feel anxious during the film showing.
  2. Standing at the back of the meeting room so you can escape if needed.
  3. Ordering only drinks at lunch so you can leave quickly if you feel panicky.
  4. Talking quickly, speeding up your speech without pausing.
  5. Avoiding eye contact so that you won’t have to talk to people.
  6. Wearing boring and bland clothing so that you don’t attract attraction to yourself.
  7. Drinking or taking drugs to steady your nerves before the event.
  8. Avoiding substances such as caffeine that you know increases your adrenalin and makes you blush or sweat.
  9. Pretending you didn’t see someone or that you are not interested in the conversation so you don’t have to participate.
  10. Asking a lot of questions to take the attention off yourself.
  11. Taking on roles within a group with the least interaction with others, e.g. setting up equipment or handing out paperwork.
  12. Walking with your head down or your hands in your pockets to avoid interaction with others.
 
Now we all have behaviours that we repeat to make ourselves feel calmer and more confident. For example, wearing makeup, putting on flattering clothes, even drinking and smoking help us to a certain extent.
 
And you might think that there isn’t really a problem with a person using these kinds of tricks if they make them feel safer. But research shows that safety bias behaviours actually hinder a socially anxious person’s ability to overcome their fear.
 
To put this into context, I want to show you some extreme forms of safety bias behaviours.
 
Extreme Forms of Safety Behaviours
 
  • An agoraphobic might remove themselves entirely from society and stay indoors to keep themselves safe.
  • A person with OCD might wash their hands over 100 times to keep themselves safe.
  • A man who fears to have a stroke might move around slowly so he keeps himself safe from injury.
  • A CEO with a fear of public speaking might feign illness on the day she is due to give a speech to keep herself safe.
  • A person with a fear of vomiting might stop eating to keep themselves safe.
 
These are all extreme versions of our socially-anxious sufferers, but you can see that by using safety behaviours, you are actually making the problem worse, not better.
 
Why Safety Bias Behaviours Don’t Work
 
The problem is that these safety behaviours have immediate relief in the short term. If you don’t have to face the most frightening thing in your life, it can be incredibly relieving and feel really good. Not only that, but this good feeling reinforces that what you are doing must be right. But it only works short-term.
 
In the long-term, it is very damaging. This is because when you engage in safety bias behaviours, you are focusing on your anxiety and your fears. These are at the forefront of your mind at all times. You are constantly examining what’s happening and then reacting to these perceived threats. And don’t forget, that’s all they are – perceived, they are not real.
 
The problem is that after a while, you become accustomed to feeling like this in social situations. It’s all you know. And then it becomes a vicious circle of negative fear and reaction. You use your safety behaviours and gradually withdraw from society. And although in the short-term, you might feel relieved, you don’t feel better in the long-term.
 
So what would benefit socially-anxious sufferers instead of safety bias tricks? That old treatment of confronting your fears is true. But you have to do it properly. You have to learn that social situations are not threatening and that there are other ways of coping, without using maladaptive ways.
 
Healthy Ways of Coping with Social Stress
 
So what are these adaptive ways of coping with social stress?
Breathing exercises and relaxing techniques.
 
Learning to breathe slowly and reduce your heart rate are key to decreasing your panic levels.
 
Talking to yourself in the third person.
 
Studies show that by talking to yourself in the third person instead of ‘I’m going to panic’ saying ‘She’s going to panic’ takes the edge off and allows you to be objective.
 
Understand that if you are ill, people are kind.
 
I always had a fear of fainting in public which affected me going out. Then I saw someone faint and everyone was so kind and caring.
Being prepared for your work.
 
You can’t go wrong if you have prepared the life out of your project. Know it inside and out and you won’t feel anxious talking about it on the day.
Live in the moment.
 
There’s a lot of talk these days about living in the moment and not letting life pass you by. You can use this mantra to reduce panic by remembering this moment will pass and tonight you’ll be safe in your bed
.
Final thoughts
 
It’s tempting to use safety bias tricks to help us get through tough times, but they don’t work, they just waste time, so why not learn some useful ways of coping instead. In fact, check out our CBT page for helpful tips.

References:
  1. www.cambridge.org
  2. www.researchgate.net
  3. unsworks.unsw.edu.au

Janey Davies

 





About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 

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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

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publicado por achama às 08:24
Segunda-feira, 09 / 03 / 20

6 Cognitive Effects That Distort the Way You Think

6 Cognitive Effects That Distort the Way You Think

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted March 7, 2020.

 
cognitive effects.

 

 

Cognitive effects can distort the way you think, increase anxiousness, and lead to numerous other difficulties. However, they are usually thought patterns viewing reality in an inaccurate and, typically, negative way.
 
An example might be thinking “I am the unluckiest person on the planet”. As a result of this sort of thinking, or when experiencing any other cognitive effect, you are more likely to see things in a more negative way.
 
 
In this post, we will look at what cognitive effects are. We will then look at 6 cognitive events that distort the way you think and introduce some coping mechanisms and methods to help you stay in control.
 
What are cognitive effects?
 
They are sometimes called ‘cognitive distortions’ and relate to patterns of thinking that are twisted in some way. Studies show that cognitive effects can be used as a coping mechanism for dealing with adverse events in people’s lives.
 
They are usually distorted through a negative lens and cause habitual errors of thought with some studies finding an increased vulnerability to depression in people suffering from cognitive distortions.
 
As such, whilst they can be beneficial in terms of dealing with the immediate effects of stress, in the long run, they can cause issues for our mental health if they shape the way we think.
6 cognitive effects that distort the way you think
 
According to Beck, Rush, Shaw, and Emery (1979), there are 6 types of cognitive effects that distort how you think:
 
1. Overgeneralization
 
This refers to taking a thought that is plausible in certain contexts and assuming it is always generalizable to other contexts, similar or otherwise. This is a common cognitive effect experienced by people after public speaking.
 
Other examples could be thinking it is always/never good to take risks, or always being optimistic/pessimistic is good, or linked with things like the Dunning Kruger effect, etc. Overgeneralizing in this way can cause you to see things in only one way and lead to repeated behaviors that may not be healthy.
 
2. Catastrophisation
 
This relates to always expecting the worst thing possible is likely to happen. Examples could include thinking “I will never find someone if my partner leaves me” or “I will be a failure in life if I don’t pass this test/get this job”.
 
 
Everyone will have had similar thoughts to these at some time. However, if it dominates your thinking, it can lead to depression. As such, it is important to try and notice these thoughts if they arise so we can deal with them healthily.
 
Some of the ways to recognize and ceal with it when you have anxiety caused by catastrophic thinking are outlined below.
 
3. Personalization
 
Whenever we blame ourselves for something that is not our fault, we are experiencing the cognitive effect of personalization.
 
Equally, personalization can involve being the imagined cause of an external event, such as thinking “because I didn’t have an alcoholic drink, everyone else had a worse time”. It has been linked to anxiety disorders. In extreme cases, this can lead to people taking everything personally.
 
4. Predicting with insufficient evidence
 
Sometimes called temporal causality. This refers to the belief that, because something bad happened in a situation once, it will necessarily happen in the same or similar situation in the future.
 
However, it premised on insufficient evidence. This could be failing at a test and assuming you are bad at that subject. However, you could sit the same test again and succeed for various different reasons.
 
5. Self-reference
 
The effect of this cognitive distortion is to believe that your own actions are the center of everybody else’s attention. This is a common feeling almost everyone experiences. It is often linked to self-assessment of bad performance at something.
 
 
Equally, we might experience it when we enter a situation and are unsure where to go or what to do. We can feel like everyone notices our internal emotions sees our bad performance. If we experience this in the extreme, it can prevent us from taking action to avoid this sensation.
 
6. Dichotomous thinking
 
This sometimes called ‘polarized thinking’ or ‘black and white thinking’. This cognitive effect refers to always expecting an extremely positive or negative result.
 
For example, if we think we are destined to always be a success at everything, or that we will inevitably fail no matter what we do, we are experiencing the cognitive effect of dichotomous thinking. Because these extremes are unrealistic, this can lead to issues arising when this concept of reality is broken.
 
How to cope with cognitive distortions
 
These are only 6 types of cognitive effects that can distort how we think about the world around us. However, there are many more. The important thing to be aware of is that we can manage these distortions and correct their effect on our actions over time.
 
You can try the following steps to achieve this:
 
Step 1 – Identify the thought
 
The first thing to do to achieve this is to identify the thought itself. Is the thought you have noticed causing you to feel more anxious or worsening your mood in another way?
 
Step 2 – Identify the cognitive effect/distortion
 
Try to think of which cognitive effect you are experiencing. Are you overgeneralizing or thinking dichotomously? Understanding this can help you see how it is shaping your analysis.
 
Step 3 – Reframe the debate
 
Consider how you can reframe your original analysis. What other evidence is there that might challenge your original thought?
 
Step 4 – Consider CBT
 
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can give you guidance to change how cognitive effects are distorting your thinking. Research has shown the positive effects of this technique and there are numerous techniques you can use that will calm your anxious mind.


 

 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

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publicado por achama às 01:40
Sábado, 07 / 03 / 20

5 Signs Toxic Shame Is Taking Over Your Life & How to Stop It

 

5 Signs Toxic Shame Is Taking Over Your Life & How to Stop It

Sherrie Hurd

learning-mind.com

Posted March 6th, 2020.

 
 

 
It’s not wrong to feel ashamed about something, but it is wrong to harbor toxic shame. How can we stop doing this?
 
If you do something wrong, it’s perfectly normal to feel a little shame. But some of us struggle with the trap of unhealthy shame that always keeps us repeating past mistakes in our heads. Then this process causes damage to our self-esteem. One thing leads to another and then toxic shame takes over your entire life. This should never happen.
 
What is toxic shame?
 
Toxic feelings of shame come from an irrational place, producing feelings of worthlessness. This feeling can come from our mistakes, trauma that may not even be our fault at all, or even from events that span all the way back to our childhood. How do we know if we have shame and toxic habits? There are a few indicators that stick out like a sore thumb.
 
Signs of unhealthy shame
 
1. You wear masks
 
If you suffer from toxic shame, one of the most common things you will do is wear a mask to cover your true identity. It’s not a mask to cover your physical identity but a mask to cover who you are inside. The shame of this nature makes you feel like who you really are isn’t presentable for the public. So, you create a version of yourself that you think would look better to others.
 
2. You isolate yourself
 
Even ordinary shame will make you isolate yourself for a little while, but usually not for long. Most of the time regular shame fades a bit as friends and family support you while you forgive yourself.
 
With unhealthy shame, however, isolation can carry on for a long time, even after friends and family have tried to coax you out of your shell. If you’re isolating yourself from everyone and everything, you could be dealing with toxic shame from some source.
 
3. You won’t express yourself
 
Whatever happened to cause your shame, you refuse to speak about the situation. Usually, there is so much more than a linear story and much more than a concrete right and wrong. It’s important to express yourself when you’ve made mistakes or lived through traumatic events. It’s even more important to express yourself about childhood issues that have caused shame in adulthood.
 
4. You lie about many things
 
Toxic feelings of shame will make you lie because the truth is harder to accept. If you’re asked about various personal things, you will lie, not just by using denial, but also by fabricating the truth. By utilizing this behavior, you temporarily place a balm on your shame, which never lasts. If the shame is bad enough, you will continue to do this until you accept the truth for yourself.
 
5. Low self-esteem
 
It’s impossible to have positive self-esteem or good self-worth and toxic shame at the same time. Your negative feelings about yourself which have grown into an unrelenting shame will cause extremely low-self-esteem. If you have unhealthy shame, you will always put yourself down in front of others.
 
How can we get over feeling like this?
 
If you’ve already fallen victim to toxic shame, it’s not hopeless. Even if it originated from childhood trauma, you can still learn to defeat this self-defeating behavior. Because that’s exactly what it is. This behavior will eventually erode your entire view of yourself.
 
Being compassionate with yourself is one of the most important things to do in order to let go of unhealthy feelings. Keep in mind, that whatever happened, we are all human and imperfect, many of us are healing from something that victimized us or something we’ve done.
 
So cut yourself a little slack. The active way to start doing this is by using positive mantras about yourself. Every day say things like, “I am worthy”, “I am loved”, and “Someone needs me.”
 
Mindfulness, through things like meditation, reminds us about the truth. Toxic shame is actually the inability to take healthy responsibility for what happened if any responsibility even belongs to you. If not, then mindfulness can also help you realize how strong you are and how you can get through anything, even your past trauma. No matter how hard it is to understand, we are more resilient than we know.
 
Also, you can learn to turn that inner voice of shame into an expression of anger. No, it’s not healthy to express anger with violence, but it is healthy to understand that shame is an expression of being angry about your present feelings and your situation.
 
Toxic shame has got to go
 
The point here is, no matter what it takes, you have to learn how to put away those feelings of unwarranted shame. Whether it comes from childhood trauma, some mistakes you’ve made or more recent experience, adopting shame of a toxic nature will only make things worse, for you and for those you love and care about.
 
The best thing to do is to take responsibility for your actions and learn how to move on. That means creating a positive life for yourself, paired with a positive self-image.

 

Sherrie Hurd


 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 13:03
Domingo, 23 / 02 / 20

5 Signs of Blame Shifting and How to Deal with It.

 

5 Signs of Blame Shifting and How to Deal with It.

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 23rd, 2020.

 
 

 
 
One of the things I despise the most is someone who can never take responsibility for their actions. Blame shifting is their second nature.
 
I hate to admit that I’m way too familiar with blame-shifting. For years of my life, I thought everything was my fault, even when obviously it wasn’t – it was complete with evidence in my favor. Did that evidence ever make the blame shifter stop in their tracks?
 
Nope. That’s because a blame shifter is good at what they do, and they will do it as long as they can get away with it.
 
Blame shifting is insidious
 
The biggest issue with blame-shifting is that it can greatly damage a healthy person’s self-esteem. This heinous act will leave you questioning facts about your life and about your character as well. Shifting the blame onto someone else can be dangerous and completely destroy lives.
 
I know all this sounds like an exaggeration, but unfortunately, it’s not. Many otherwise mentally healthy individuals have been hurt so badly that they constantly question their self-worth. Do you know what we need to do? We need to see blame shifters before they get to us.
 
Recognizing the storm before it hits
 
1. The apology with strings attached
 
If by chance, you get the blame shifter to apologize at all, which hardly ever happens, they will use the “I’m sorry, but…” tactic. What I mean by this is that they will apologize, but they have to add some sort of defensive mechanism to the apology.
 
Whether they are about to put some of the blame on you or make an excuse for their behavior, you will recognize them by their inability to apologize without the added “but”, which totally eliminates the sincerity of the responsibility. What they are doing is finding a crack to slip out from under what they’ve done wrong.
 
2. Because of this, and because of that
 
Shifting the blame can be as easy as using cause and effect. While cause and effect do exist, responsibility is the main concern. Listen to this small interaction to understand:
 
Real victim: “You really hurt my feelings when you yelled at me.”
 
Blame shifter: “Well, if you would stop complaining about the same thing over and over, I wouldn’t.”
 
There are two ways that the blame shifter is really in the wrong. First of all, they shouldn’t be continuing behavior that makes someone else constantly complain. Most people complain when something bothers them, and they want to communicate.
 
Blame shifters don’t usually communicate, and so the problem gets ignored. After much complaining, they use verbal abuse as a scare tactic. There are many other situations like this where toxic people use the cause and effect technique to excuse any blame placed on themselves.
 
3. No communication
 
Blame shifting always comes with the inability to communicate. While these people can talk about problems on the surface level, when they are proven wrong, they clam up. They have no excuses or reasons for their behavior. They may even outright lie.
 
Then, ultimately, they will say there’s no reason to discuss the issue anymore. This is so damaging because it leaves the issues hanging and they’re never resolved. Then this causes bitterness to set in. Many marriages have failed due to the lack of healthy and honest communication. And most of the time, you will recognize the blame shifter by their communication aversion.
 
4. The pity party
 
You will also know you have yourself a blame shifter when they start telling you stories about their troubled childhood and how it makes them the way they are. While many people really did have a bad childhood, the toxic person will tell this story and exaggerate it to keep from taking the blame for present issues or mistakes.
 
It’s also okay to talk about past issues and how they’ve made you do things, but you cannot use this excuse for every mistake you make. If you cannot take the blame for doing something now, you will always be a child. Watch out for the pity party.
5. Flipping the script
 
This is an old term, but it fits so perfectly with a tactic that the blame shifter uses. When they’ve been caught red-handed, their first response is shock, their second response is to find the quickest way to turn the incident over onto you… using you as the villain.
 
Now, I know what you must be thinking, “How could someone caught in the act make the victim look bad?”
 
Well, they use carefully calculated manipulation. For example, let’s say you went to see your husband at work and he wasn’t there, and so, when he arrived home at the usual time, you asked him about it.
 
Now, some people will lie and say they had to leave for this or that reason, but if the blame shifter wants, he can turn the attention to you. He might say, “Why were you stalking my workplace?”, “What is wrong with you?”, oh, and my favorite, “You still don’t trust me, do you?” and then proceed to make an excuse for where he was, then stay mad for several days.
 
The blame for the whole confrontation is now your fault. You should have minded your own business and stayed at home.
 
How do we deal with these people?
 
Well, I hope you never have to endure such people because they have serious issues with themselves. Never ever believe that these things are your fault. Anyone who cannot take logical blame for their imperfections has a problem that can only be fixed by them or by professional help.
 
If you happen to be in a marriage with someone like this or stuck in a situation you cannot get out of at the moment, you will have to find various ways to living with this issue, and it’s a difficult one.
 
Honestly, it’s almost impossible to confront someone like this without being verbally abused or taking their blame on yourself. This will make you unhealthy, both mentally and physically over time.
 
Your best outcome would be if your loved one came to you for help and genuinely wanted to change. Believe it or not, some people eventually see what they’ve become. In this case, it’s worth sticking around. If there is no desire to change, then the choice is yours.
 
Just remember, none of this nonsense is about you, and sometimes it’s best to walk away than to get into arguments with toxic people because you will never win. If this applies to you, I hope everything works out for the best.

 

Sherrie Hurd



Image credit: Stephen Hawking is giving a lecture for NASA’s 50th anniversary/NASA

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 22:27
Segunda-feira, 17 / 02 / 20

Studies Confirm the Link Between the Use of Social Media and Isolation

Studies Confirm the Link Between the Use of Social Media and Isolation

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 17th, 2020.

 
social media and isolation.

 

 
From the UK to the US and all the way to India, numerous studies confirm links between social media and loneliness, depression, and anxiety. But how can social media use cause social isolation? Why is social media so bad for our mental health? And does this mean we need to completely cut social media out of our lives?
 
This post explores why social media and loneliness are linked. We will also look at how to make sure using social media doesn’t leave you feeling isolated or depressed.
 
How are isolation and social media connected?
 
Looking at perfect profiles and dream holiday images online often inspires feelings of envy and missing out. As such, it is easy to see how social media and feeling isolated can be connected. We might also see people at an event we didn’t get an invite to and feel lonely. However, when we look at sites like Facebook or Instagram, we only ever see an idealized version of reality.
 
At an instinctive level, many people probably recognize that social media can have negative effects on our mental health. Our online behavior also massively affects our self-image. However, whilst this is backed up by numerous studies, things could be even worse.
 
Indeed, a 2018 study found that heavy social media use can actually increase feelings of social isolation by three times. Because isolation is linked with a heightened risk of morbidity, this shows the potentially disastrous effects of excessive social media use.
 
This study had a sample of 1,787 participants who were aged 19-32. They asked them about their use of the top 11 social media platforms including Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. Those that visited social networks more than 58 times every week were three times as likely to feel lonely when compared with people doing so under 9 times a week.
 
However, this study was unable to conclude whether social isolation was caused by social media use or whether lonely people used social media more.
 
Is there a causal link between loneliness and social media use?
 
A study for the University of Pennsylvania found supporting evidence that social media and isolation are linked. They even found evidence of causation rather than just a correlation between feeling lonely and isolated and social media use.
 
From a sample of 140 undergraduates, participants were asked to either limit or increase their regular social media use. Questionnaires completed before and after the study helped reveal that increases in anxiety, depression, and loneliness stemmed from a fear of missing out, what people call FOMO.
 
The Pennsylvania study did find that people with higher depression levels were the worst affected. However, ultimately, anyone using social media often also suffered. FOMO leads us to compulsively check for social media updates. It also inhibits our ability to relax and reduces the time we can actually spend socially. In comparison, the participants asked to limit their use of social media reported reduced depression and loneliness.
 
Because social media use increases our tendency to socially compare and gives us less time for real-life social interactions, reducing our social media use can help us feel less lonely. Distractions can also decrease our enjoyment of present situations, according to a study for the University of British Columbia. However, does this mean we should just stop using social media altogether?
 
Should we cut social media out of our lives?
 
Interestingly, the studies above do not conclude that social media use needs to be completely ended. They simply found that our use of social media should be curtailed. In addition, phenomena like the friendship paradox suggest that we should seek to avoid making constant comparisons between ourselves and others if we are to improve our mental wellbeing.
 
Other studies have also found positive effects of social media in terms of connectedness as we get older. For example, a 2019 study looking at “the association between the use of online social networks sites and perceived social isolation among individuals in the second half of life” in Germany offers some hope.
 
They found that their sample of people over 40 who were daily users of social media scored lower isolation scores compared to those with no social media use. Another University of Luxembourgstudy also found potential benefits for clinical practice and advancing health knowledge amongst older adults.
 
Another study found that adolescents using Instagram actually felt more appreciated. They also felt closer to others thanks to their use of the platform. This suggests that social media use does not have to cause isolation if we focus on quality over quantity. A University of Missouri-Columbia studyalso backed this up. Indeed, they found social media didn’t always and sometimes didn’t have negative effects on social wellbeing.
 
Summing Up
 
Numerous studies have confirmed the link between the use of social media and isolation. Moreover, some studies have even found evidence of a causal relationship between how much time we spend on social media and how isolated we feel. However, social media can make making connections easier. Depending on how we use it, it can also help us feel more connected with others.
 
The important thing is to avoid the temptation to compare ourselves with others. We should also seek to reduce the overall time we spend using social media platforms. When we do this, we free up more time for real-life interactions and free ourselves from distraction to enjoy present moments of pleasure and joy.
 
 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 19:44
Domingo, 16 / 02 / 20

Mental Laziness Is More Common Than Ever: How to Overcome It?

Mental Laziness Is More Common Than Ever: 

How to Overcome It?

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

February 16, 2020

 

 


We live in a modern society where information is available constantly. We’re able to instantly access what’s going on in faraway countries and we can immediately see how millions of other people feel about it. This is causing more and more of us to develop mental laziness.
 
Instead of thinking for ourselves, we’re allowing others to tell us how to think. The more we do this, the worse our thinking abilities become. Like any muscle, if you don’t use it, it gets weaker.
 
What Is Mental Laziness?
 
Mental laziness happens when we allow our thoughts to become automatic. Sometimes, this is perfectly fine. For example, once you’ve been a qualified driver for a while, your reactions and movements become automatic. You simply go about your journeys without thinking much of the situation or the decisions you make.
 
This is preferable in situations where you have to react quickly because your brain is working on instinct. In situations that might require deeper thought or critical thinking, however, mental laziness isn’t such a good thing.
 
Mental laziness includes avoidance of deep thinking, usually because it’s simply too much effort. Mentally lazy people tend to take what they’re told at face value and don’t apply only of their own ideas or debates.
 
This is a major cause of the spread of fake news. Instead of reviewing the information for themselves, mentally lazy people share the news without a second thought. Sometimes, people will go as far as to only read the headlines of news stories before sharing, because reading the article would require too much personal thought.
 
Instead of taking the time to consider the world around them, people who struggle with mental laziness typically make choices based on whims and gut reactions. They take on a “do it first, think about it later” approach.
 
Mental laziness can manifest in a number of ways. Some people might become risk-takers and rule disobeyers because they don’t care to think about the consequences of their actions or the reasons behind the rules. Other mentally lazy people might just behave in unhelpful and inconvenient ways, such as cleaning up after themselves or watching where they’re going.
Contributing Factors to Mental Laziness
Lack of Goals
 
A significant factor that contributes to mental laziness is a person’s lack of long and short term goals. Having something to aim for and a sense of ambition drives us to be more conscious. Ambitious people are constantly searching for purpose in what they do and finding connections between their current activities and their hopes for the future. Without these goals, you’ll develop mental laziness because nothing has much meaning to it.
Fear
 
With physical laziness, it is often caused by a fear of trying and failing. Saying that you can’t be bothered is an easy way to mask the anxiety caused by a fear of not succeeding. Mental laziness is similar.
 
 
We avoid thinking about things in case we don’t actually understand the concept. We feel embarrassed when it’s revealed that we don’t understand something, and fear that others will think we’re stupid. Instead of challenging ourselves to think about something, even if it’s a tricky subject, we often wait for others to find the answer for us.
Poor Well-Being
 
When we’re tired, our brains don’t function as well and we may develop mental laziness. We’re zoned-out and unable to focus. This means we tend to run more on automatic thoughts than deep and critical thinking. Plenty of studies, including this one, carried out in Finland, prove that our ability to think is deeply impacted by our sleep schedule.
 
Similar studies, like this one done in California, show that our diet also has an impact on mental laziness. Junk food affects our attention span, and malnourishment makes thinking straight difficult. We all know the struggle that is trying to concentrate at school or work just before lunch. Our bodies need energy and nourishment to process information and create deep thoughts.
Irresponsibility
 
Have you ever met someone who has been so privileged that they have no concept of thinking for themselves? When a person grows up having had everything done for them, they don’t develop their ability to think about their actions. They float through life leaving mess and trouble in their wake, for no evil reason, they’re just mentally lazy.
 
If you’ve never had to take much responsibility for anything, you’re unlikely to ever be forced to think too much about your actions or what else is going on in the world.
How to Overcome Mental Laziness?
 
Fortunately, mental laziness is not something you have to be stuck with forever. With a little conscious effort, you can take your brain off autopilot and become a critical thinker.
Meditation
 
Mediation is the best way to fight mental laziness. It forces you to be alone with your thoughts. Meditation also teaches us to sort through our minds for valuable information and ditch the nonsense.
 
 
If you aren’t much of a thinker, use meditation to bring forward thoughts of importance to you. This could ideas of the future, feelings about world events, or just gratitude for family and friends. Meditation doesn’t always need to be done with an empty mind, especially if you struggle with connecting to your thoughts.
 
While overthinkers will benefit from quiet meditation, “underthinkers” and those who are mentally lazy will benefit from thoughtful meditation.
Improve Your Wellbeing
 
Possibly the most straightforward (but not always easiest) place to start is with your sleep pattern and diet. Try to get into a healthy night-time routine that will provide you with those blissful 9 hours of sleep. Too little sleep makes thinking difficult, but too much could also encourage mental laziness too.
 
Changing your diet can be challenging but will be noticeably beneficial to your brain. A generally healthy diet will be a significant improvement on one which consists mostly of junk foods as your body will have more nutrients and sustainable energy. Specific foods like fish, nuts and even dark chocolate will provide particular vitamins and minerals which are known to improve cognitive functioning.
Take One Task at A Time
 
Multi-tasking might seem like a great thing to be able to do, but when you fill your brain with several tasks at once, each one gets less attention. Our brains typically can’t handle multiple deep-thinking jobs at the same time, so we become mentally lazy and apply minimal thought to each one.
 
If you’re looking to rid yourself of mental laziness, make sure you always separate your tasks. When you’re taking on a project, you can devote more thought to it this way. No more autopilot, only intentional actions.
Set Some Goals
 
If you’re looking to gather up some motivation in your life, you can’t go wrong with setting goals. If you’re mentally lazy, you probably just stroll through life without much thought for your next move or the motivation behind your actions. When you have goals, both long and short term, you’ll be much more likely to have deep, critical thoughts in order to guide you to those goals.
 
Stop Escaping
 
Some of us hate to be alone with our thoughts. We’ll do anything just to avoid having to hear our brain chatter, especially those of us who suffer from anxiety and negative thinking. This is a type of mental laziness because we’d rather distract ourselves with nonsense than let ourselves think. Instead of running away, let the thoughts in. The only way you’ll solve the underlying cause is by thinking yourself through them.
 
Mental laziness is an easy trap to fall into these days, but fortunately, it’s not impossible to get back out of. Believe in your ability to create intelligent thoughts. Question the things you see, trust yourself to form your own, valid opinions.
 
 
References:
  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com
  2. https://www.entrepreneur.com

 

Becky Storey
 

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
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A Trusty with Privacy Search 
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 19:47
Domingo, 09 / 02 / 20

Spiral of Silence Theory Explains Why You’d Rather Stay Quiet.

Spiral of Silence Theory Explains Why You’d Rather Stay Quiet.

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 8th, 2020.

 
spiral of silence theory.

 


 
 
 
During the 1970s, Elizabeth Noelle-Neumann, a German political scientist, developed the spiral of silence theory. Working in the context of post-World War Two Germany, Noelle-Neumann coined the theory. She sought to explain why individuals choose to remain silent when they believe their view isn’t held by the majority.
 
In this post, we look at how the spiral of silence can explain human behavior. We will also consider whether or not the theory is still relevant today.
 
Spiral of silence theory explained
 
The theory was coined by Elizabeth Noelle-Neumann in 1974. It was partly designed in an attempt to explain the lack of resistance to the Nazi regime. The idea of the spiral of silence suggests that people remain silent when they think their views are different from majority viewpoints.
 
According to the theory, this unwillingness to speak out is due to fear of social isolation. It is also due to the expected negative consequences of going against the perceived status quo. On the other hand, those confident their beliefs and opinions meet ‘public opinion’ can voice their thoughts without fear. This also perpetuates the silencing effect on those in the minority.
 
We are all able to determine what the prevailing ‘public opinion’ actually is, according to the theory. In Noelle-Neumann’s words, we all have a ‘quasi statistical sense’ of whether our own opinions are either popular or unpopular. This is based on the cues we have had from the mass media and our environment. In other words, we have a ‘sixth sense’ of the popular public consensus on a range of issues.
 
The spiral effect begins to occur as those who feel validated about their beliefs become more and more vocal. Concurrently, those in the minority lose confidence in expressing their opinions. This loss of confidence is built on the fear of rejection and subsequent social isolation.
 
As a result, the minority are silenced. In this way, predominating public opinion is seen as a form of social control in the spiral of silence theory.
 
Research into the theory
 
Since the theory of the spiral of silence was developed, there have been numerous studies that have tested it. These studies have sought to either prove or disprove its legitimacy. The majority of these studies have focused on the effect of the theory in political environments.
 
Most recently, a meta-analysis conducted by Matthes et al (2017) revisited the theory and the effect of the spiral of silence on either restricting or enabling the expression of political opinions. They analyzed 66 studies exploring this topic which collectively contained 27,000 participants.
 
The analysis found that there was a significant positive relationship between one’s perception of the prevailing opinion and the subsequent suppression of their own opinions. This was seen to be particularly acute when amongst family, friends, and neighbors.
 
Despite this result, there are critics of the theory. Some have criticized the assumption that we all have an in-built understanding of what the prevailing climate of opinion is, and whether there can actually be something that can be defined as such.
 
Others have questioned the theoretical underpinning that fear of isolation is a strong enough deterrent for silencing a minority opinion. There have also been criticisms of the theory’s failure to take into account cross-cultural differences. Others have noted that the nature of the issue itself can impact on the spiral of silence effect.
 
How relevant is the spiral of silence today?
 
With the rise of alternative online media channels and social media, critics of the spiral of silence are suggesting that the theory is no longer relevant. The theory was proposed pre-internet and was based on a mass-media that was relatively uniform.
 
Today, the mainstream media often follows the same trajectory. However, the internet has provided people the opportunity to seek alternative opinions. It has also given voice to those who have previously been disadvantaged by unequal power relations.
 
If an individual does not wish to publicly express their opinion amongst friends, family, or colleagues they may well do so anonymously via the internet. This is sometimes known as the online disinhibition effect. This itself creates its own spiral effect.
 
However, within this context, a minority opinion may no longer be felt as such. This is due to the fact that the World Wide Web enables the participation of many within the political domain.
 
The birth of the internet, therefore, has shifted the conversation around the spiral of silence into a new trajectory. While some believe the theory has had its day, others still see the theoretical concept as a useful means of exploring behavior.
 
Using it as a starting point for many studies into whether a climate of opinion can still be said to exist, and how this affects our willingness to speak out about controversial opinions that we deem to go against the grain.
Does it ring true for you?
 
The spiral of silence, therefore, may have struck a chord with your own behavior and responses. Ever felt silenced during a political conversation? Fear of isolation or rejection is certainly something we can all relate to.
 
So, while the spiral of silence theory may need some modern re-jigging, as a concept, it can certainly serve to explain those occasions where we ponder about what we could have said, only when it is too late to say it.
 
 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
and https://www.facebook.com/mel.tavares.75


A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com
 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 03:25
Sábado, 08 / 02 / 20

Dunbar’s Number or Why Most of Your Social Connections Are Not Your Friends

Dunbar’s Number or Why Most of Your Social Connections Are Not Your Friends.

Janey Davies.

https://www.learning-mind.com

February 7th, 2020.

 
Dunbar’s Number.
 
 
 
Have you heard of Dunbar’s number? My sister certainly has. Years ago, when her new neighbour asked her if she wanted to pop round for a coffee, she said: “No thanks, I’ve got enough friends.”
 
Now, before you start judging my sis for being unnecessarily blunt, she does have a point. And that’s where Dunbar’s number comes in. You see, it suggests that a person can only maintain a maximum of 150 social connections at once. So why is this and where does the idea come from?
 
The Origin of Dunbar’s Number
 
Robin Dunbar is a British anthropologist and an evolutionary psychologist. Back in the 1990s, he was interested in the number of social connections a person could have.
 
For instance, how many people do we know; how many do we actually care about and is there a common link to this number? Do some people have more connections, others less? Now, remember, this was the 90s so well before social media and ‘likes’ and ‘friends’ and all of that.
 
Dunbar began his research by examining the patterns of sending Christmas cards.
Dunbar and the Christmas Card List
 
Sending cards at Christmas seems fairly innocuous, but there is a certain amount of investment involved. You make the list of people, you choose and buy the cards, the stamps, and you look up the addresses. Then you write them all out and post them. It all takes time and effort. Dunbar reckoned that most of us would not go to all this trouble and effort for just anyone.
 
After collecting data from thousands of households, Dunbar found a remarkable coincidence. Of every household he collected data from, the average number of cards sent was always around 150. There was also a fairly unanimous split in who the cards went to. For example, around a quarter were sent to close relatives, two-thirds to friends and the remaining small percentage to colleagues.
 
But why did the number 150 keep cropping up? It was a mystery. Dunbar carried on researching. But this time he turned his attention to primates and social groups.
Why Is Dunbar’s Number 150?
 
Dunbar discovered a link between a primate’s brain and the size of their social groups. Specifically, their brain mass and the primate’s preferred group sizes. He looked at different primate species and catalogued social activity.
 
In particular, time spent grooming (the equivalent of socialising for humans), the size of the neocortex (the area of the brain related to language and cognition) and group size. He found that in primates, the smaller the size of the brain, the smaller the size of the groups were formed. As brain mass increased, so did group size.
 
 
Dunbar proposed that brain size was the overriding factor in deciding the number of social connections a primate could successfully manage. Dunbar then collected data across all primate species, including humans.
 
He proposed that humans can only comfortably maintain 150 social connections. Larger numbers require stricter social rules and larger neocortical processing capacity.
So what exactly does Dunbar mean by 150 and social connections?
 
Dunbar characterises the number 150 as:
 
 
“..the number of people you would not feel embarrassed about joining uninvited for a drink if you happened to bump into them in a bar.”
 
There is strong evidence, throughout history, that shows 150 is an average size for social groups. Indeed, it is the optimum number for a group. For when numbers start to exceed this size things tend to collapse or fail to function effectively.
Dunbar’s Number applies to many social groups
 
Even our earliest ancestors, the cave-dwellers, the hunter-gatherers, lived in groups consisting, on average, of 150 people. The earliest villages consisted of around 150 people. From African tribes to Roman legions, we are always drawn back to this magic number of 150.
 
Perhaps stranger still, Dunbar and his magic number of 150 can be seen in many other aspects of human social groups, not just our personal lives. For example, offices, campsites, hotels, military organisations, even book-clubs. Indeed, research proves time and time again that if numbers exceed 150 the group fails.
150 only applies to primates and humans
 
So why 150? It appears that 150 is the prime number for evolutionary survival. Primates, in particular, live in social groups, and this helps them to survive. In our ancestor’s time, humans were prey, not predators. We didn’t have sharp teeth, razor-like claws or strong muscles.
 
 
Whereas it suited other predators to hunt alone, for humans to stay alive, we needed to form groups. We used our shared knowledge and cunning. We planned and formulated ways of attack. For us, staying in strong, social groups was a matter, literally, of survival.
 
Now, look at other animals. For instance, the tiger, a predator at the top of the food chain, or a penguin, prey and near the bottom. Tigers are solitary animals. They survive without the need of a group and therefore hunt alone.
 
On the other hand, penguins are at risk from many predators, including extreme weather conditions. As a result, it is in their best interest to form huge groups. In fact, some of the largest penguin colonies have consisted of up to 180,000 to 200,000 birds.
 
Of course, tigers and penguins are very different from primates and humans. Penguins may form groups but they are not social in the way that human groups are. For the penguins, it is all about staying alive. For humans, it is more about emotional, psychological and spiritual connections.
 
And this is where it gets interesting. Because it takes a lot of effort to maintain all this emotion, and our brain can only manage so much. However, have we changed in the 21st century?
Has Social Media Changed Dunbar’s Number?
 
Now, in today’s society, there is nothing unusual for a person to have hundreds, if not thousands of friends on Facebook. So is it possible that Dunbar’s number no longer applies in our modern world?
 
Dunbar first proposed the number 150 in the 1990s. The 2020s is a very different place. We communicate online. We meet for the first time online. We date online. Surely, Dunbar’s number must have increased a little to keep up with our modern society?
 
 
I mean, this doesn’t make sense for a modern age. People communicate in seconds across the globe. Our social reach has expanded as our grasp of technology has stretched our imaginations. Also, I would have thought that our brain capacity would have increased substantially since our ancestors first set up villages over 250,000 years ago.
 
Well, not really. And that’s because it is all to do with our emotional capacity.
 
 
“It is as though we each have a limited amount of social capital and we can choose to invest it thinly in more people, or thickly in fewer people. But you can’t exceed these limits.” Dunbar
 
So what do these social connections look like? Dunbar arranges them in ever-decreasing circles. Our closest friends are in our inner circle and our acquaintances are in the furthest circle.
Most people, on average, have:
5 loved ones
15 best friends
50 good friends
150 meaningful contacts
500 acquaintances
1500 people you recognise
 
So we may know thousands of people, but Dunbar states that the 150 number is the important cut-off.
 
 
“The 150 layer is the important one: this defines the people you have real reciprocated relationships with, those where you feel obligations and would willingly do favours.” Dunbar
 
Because humans are complex creatures, maintaining these relationships take effort and time. And that’s why we only have the capacity for 150 social connections.
 
Of course, people move in and out of our lives at any given point. There are also huge differences between the social connections of an extrovert and an introvert. An extrovert may have a larger social network. However, they tend to spread themselves out thinly across a wide network of people. Introverts have a smaller social pool of contacts. But they like to spend more quality time with a few special friends.
 
 
There are also interesting differences between the genders. For example, men have a wider spread of contacts throughout their social circles. Whereas women have more contacts within their inner circles.
Final Thoughts
 
So is there really any advantage to knowing that humans have a limited capacity for maintaining social connections? Well, I think so yes. I realise it is all about time and effort. If we only have space for 150 connections then we should make sure those connected to us are worth the effort, and that we make the effort to preserve them.
 
Oh, and my sister? She did pop round for that coffee after all. They’ve been good friends ever since.
References:
  1. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
  2. www.forbes.com
  3. www.bbc.com
 

 

 
Janey Davies

 





About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
 
 
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 
 
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 




 

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publicado por achama às 02:45
Domingo, 02 / 02 / 20

Online Disinhibition Effect Explains Why Some People Become Jerks Online

Online Disinhibition Effect Explains Why Some People Become Jerks Online

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 1st, 2020.

 
Online Disinhibition Effect.

 

 
Trolling others is a common refrain for people online. Indeed, this behavior has become so common that it is now intensively studied by psychologists. Psychologists call this behavior the ‘online disinhibition effect’. But what is it that makes people behave this way? Who are internet trolls? Are some people more likely to act like jerks online or is it something intrinsic to the internet that makes this happen?
 
In this post, we will explore the answers to these questions by exploring 5 of the fundamental factors causing people to be jerks on the internet.
 
Understanding the online disinhibition effect
 
Dissociative Anonymity
 
One thing people quickly learn as they peruse the internet is that people you engage with cannot tell who you are. Whilst the technically savvy could probably detect them easily with some computer wizardry, most people only see what you choose to display. Dissociative anonymity (and the online disinhibition effect) stems from the feelings generated from this ability to become ‘anonymous’. These feelings result in people losing their inhibitions.
 
The disinhibiting effects of dissociative anonymity can help people to open up. They know what they say or do won’t be linked back to them in their daily lives after all. However, whilst online disinhibition can be benign, it can also be toxic.
 
Indeed, the history of trolling shows this. People can be encouraged to be more deviant, rude, and racist. In fact, online jerks will say all the socially inappropriate things they can think of due to the lack of consequences.
 
Being invisible
 
The effects of dissociative anonymity are accentuated by the sense of invisibility online. We’re all guilty of a bit of online creeping at times. Be it to check out a potential love interest, or seeing what friends have been up to. The sense of invisibility enables us to do this. This leads to people doing things and visiting places online that they wouldn’t dream of in the real world.
 
The effects of invisibility in reducing inhibitions have long been known in Psychology. Indeed, psychoanalysts commonly use this technique so patients cannot see their body language and facial expressions.
 
By doing this, patients feel less inhibited and freer to say what they feel. With online text communication online, this sense of invisibility is enhanced. This enables internet trolls to separate their harsh words from the receiver’s response.
 
Perceived majority positioning
 
When people see themselves as holding the majority position, they are more likely to express their true opinion. Conversely, if they fear their opinion is in the minority, they may fear being ostracised. This phenomenon is known as the spiral of silence theory developed in the 1960s and 1970s by Elisabeth-Noelle Neuman. The theory seeks to describe how public opinion is formed and how certain behaviors are acceptable in public or in different spaces.
 
This theory also explains why people may act differently on the internet to in public. For example, whilst in the office, they may not make sexist or racist comments due to the fear of social isolation as a result.
 
However, online they may feel these views are widespread and in the majority, making them more likely to express them. Combined with a sense of anonymity and invisibility, the perceived majority status can entrench the online disinhibition effect.
 
Personality traits
 
Clearly, the functionality of the internet explains why some people behave in a disrespectful way online. However, personality traits are also likely to be a key component. Indeed, one study entitled ‘Trolls just want to have fun’ found that online trolls are more likely to be horrible people in real life.
 
Specifically, they wanted to see whether trolls were linked with the darkest personality traits of narcissism, Machiavellianism, psychopathy, and sadism. They carried out a survey of 1,200 people. This survey found that people ranking trolling as their top pastime on the internet were more likely to score highly for dark personality traits. In particular, trolls were linked with traits associated with sadism in the real world.
 
Unfortunately, sadistic tendencies can actually be pretty common. Combined with the online disinhibition effect, the right personality traits can turn people into unparalleled online jerks.
 
A spiral of negativity
 
Although some studies show that the online disinhibition effect is linked to sadism others have shown that anyone can be a jerk online. For example, a study for Stanford and Cornell Universities found that trolling may be influenced by situational factors at least as much as the innate traits of people. This study found that the person’s mood and the tone of comments already on posts can lead to a spiral of negativity that causes trolling.
 
They tested this by giving a sample of 667 people an easy or difficult test. Participants were then asked to read the same article and comment underneath. However, underneath the article, people saw either neutral comments or troll-like comments. The study found that 68% of those given the harder test alongside the article with comments by trolls wrote troll-like comments themselves. Even for the easy test plus inoffensive comments group, this figure still stood at 35%.
 
So do some people become jerks online because of the internet or because they are jerks in real life? Well, the online disinhibition effect explains that psychological factors, personality traits, and the functionality of the internet are all to blame for this type of behavior.
 
 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


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publicado por achama às 03:00
Sexta-feira, 31 / 01 / 20

The Friendship Paradox Reveals the Weird Reason You Are Less Popular Than Your Friends

Lottie Miles.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 30th, 2020.

 
friendship paradox.

 
 
 
Have you ever noticed that the people you hang out with always seem to be more popular than you? Whether it’s down at the gym, on social media, or even at work, it is common for people to notice that their friends seem fitter, more popular, and more successful. According to researchers in the field of social networks, this is due to something known as the friendship paradox. But what is this paradox and why does it make it seem like we are less popular than our friends?
 
In this post, we’ll explore the reasons the friendship paradox exists, the different ways it manifests itself, and why you don’t need to worry about this strange phenomenon.
 
What is the friendship paradox?
 
According to the sociologist of social networks Scott Feld, the reason our friends are likely to be more popular than we are is simply down to maths and sampling. He found that, if you were to ask someone who their friends were and then met the friends of that person and asked them the same question, then, on average, you would find that the friends are better connected than that first person.
 
This is perhaps most apparent on social networks online where our behavior affects our self-image greatly, with one study finding 98% of Twitter followers following people were being followed by more people than them.
 
The friendship paradox also has wide-ranging effectsbeyond the internet and friendship circles and can potentially be used to explain why people you see in the gym are always much fitter than you, or noticing that your sexual partners are typically more experienced than you are. Indeed, a new study has found that this paradox may hold for additional characteristics, such as income, happiness, and sexual partners.
 
Effectively, the friendship paradox stems from a sampling bias built on the fact that people with more friends tend to be observed more by their friends. Equally, if you take the gym example, the reason everyone at the gym seems fitter than you is because they spend more time there.
 
When it comes to sexual partners, people who are actively dating are more likely to be sexually active with more people. When it comes to income, only certain friends can afford to do certain activities, bringing in higher earners to social networks and making the activities they do more noticeable. This broader phenomenon is sometimes called the “Generalized Friendship Paradox”.
Why does it exist?
 
As Scott Feld explained the concept, the reason the friendship paradox exists is because of maths and sampling. Whilst everyone’s friendship group might be different, everyone’s sample is always likely to be skewed. This will tend towards your friends being likely to be more popular than you are on average. This is due to the fact that within any friendship group, people with more friends are more likely to be in the sample.
 
The simple act of taking a sample of friends inevitably leads to something known as a biased sample in statistics. Namely, this is due to the fact that those without connections and with less friends are less likely to be included in the sample. People can also be double-counted across the network. This leads to a situation where the majority of people have fewer friends that only the most popular within their network.
 
Samples can also be majorly skewed with the existence of particularly popular friends. If you happen to be connected with Barack Obama, who has the most Twitter followers of anybody with over 112 million, then your network will have its average popularity increase compared to the general population.
 
By virtue of their appearance in multiple networks, connections feed into the friendship paradox that makes us all feel less popular than our own personal network.
 
Why you don’t need to worry about the friendship paradox
 
The concept of the friendship paradox can all seem quite depressing. The fact that science seems to back up the findings beyond basic friendships, can make things seem even worse. However, there is no need to despair because the phenomenon doesn’t necessarily drop off as you move up the social pyramid. It is down to the natural result of social connections through networks.
 
Take, for example, the aforementioned twitter study which found 98% of users followed accounts followed by more people than themselves. This study actually found that even the top 0.5 percent of Twitter users fell into the friendship paradox.
 
This is because they found that those who have more followers also tended towards following people with more influence and activity than they themselves mustered. That’s why too much social media could be secretly making you feel bad.
 
This all means that feeling down when comparing yourself to your friends is futile. Indeed, the more we compare ourselves to others, be it on social media or in our daily lives, the more likely we are to come up against this phenomenon.
 
It is a statistical reality that, on average, the people in our social networks will be getting more of whatever lens we look through. As such we either have to accept and embrace that fact or avoid seeking comparisons within a network that is likely to leave you feeling blue.
 
 

Lottie Miles

 






 
About the Author: Lottie Miles


 
Lottie Miles is a professional researcher and writer with a passion for human rights. She has 4 years of experience working within the NGO sector and has a Masters Degree in Social Policy. She has a keen interest in exploring ways in which happiness habits can help to improve mental health and wellbeing. In her spare time, she likes doing crossword puzzles, painting and traveling.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

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publicado por achama às 03:56
Domingo, 26 / 01 / 20

Spectacular Super Snow Moon Phenomenon Not to Miss This February

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 25th, 2020.

 
 

 
The celestial beauty of the heavens wouldn’t be complete without the allure of the Super snow moon in February. You don’t want to miss it!
 
Ever since I was a small child, I would gaze into the heavens in amazement. I would reach up and try to grasp the stars in my hand. Also, I would trace the moon with my finger and yes, I did imagine the craters as little indentions on cheese.
 
 
My imagination was fueled by the beauty of the skies. I even heard the story of the man in the moon. If I looked close enough, I could make out his features. But it would be years before I learned the names of the moons according to the months, including the supermoon coming as 2020’s February full moon.
 
What Is the Super Snow Moon?
 
On February 9, 2020, our full moon will rise and be known by many people as the super snow moon. It will be bright, and illuminate deep snowfall in some areas of the world, hence the name.
 
It will also be at its perigee, meaning it will be larger than usual, this is where the “super” part of the title applies. To me, this special full moon will add warm feelings to this darkened cold and sometimes heavy time of the year.
 
There’s another fascinating fact about the special February moon, as well. Every 19 years, it doesn’t exist. That’s right, after almost two decades of February full moons, both January and March have two full moons and February is void of this magic. It sounds kind of sad, but also extremely interesting. So, every now and then, we won’t see the super snow moon, so we should enjoy its beauty when we can.
 
But on the other hand, we witness a phenomenon called the dark moon, which is just as exciting as it is ominous. The wonders of the world never cease to amaze me.
 
Here’s a secret – not everyone calls the February full moon the super snow moon. No, not at all. This moon has many names, deriving from many areas around the world.
 
For instance, the English call this full moon, the “Wolf Moon”. From long ago both in Medieval England and among Pagans, this moon was called “the storm moon”. So, although the February full moon names have similarities, they are different from region to region. In the U.S., there are numerous names for this supermoon phenomenon.
 
Native American Origins
 
So, I guess you’re wondering why the February 9th full moon is called the super snow moon, aren’t you? Well, that is because according to weather reports and the farmer’s almanac, February receives the most snowfall in the United States. Now you can see the obvious correlation.
 
However, the native Americans had many names for this deep winter moon. These names varied according to the different tribes in the U.S.
 
Many names for the February full moon:
 
1. Wishram of the Pacific Northwest
 
The native people of the Pacific Northwest called the February moon the “Shoulder to shoulder around the Fire moon” because they literally had to sit tightly side by side around the fire to stay warm.
 
2. Cherokee of the Southeast
 
The Cherokee natives considered the full moon of February the “bone moon”. This name came about because of the scarcity of food during the deep winter. Usually, the majority of nutrition came from the marrow of bones or bone broth.
 
3. Lakota of the Southwest
 
The February supermoon was also called the “Moon when the trees crack because of the cold”. Wow! Can you imagine the deep cold that inspires such a name?
 
4. Arapaho in the Mid-West
 
Natives of this area called the February full moon, “Frost sparkling in the sun” because even though February is one of the coldest months in the U.S., the snow which covers many areas seems tosparkle under the moonlight as if it was light from the sun. When observed, this kind of beauty couldn’t possibly be easily forgotten.
 
There are many other notable Native American full moon names such as the “Coyote moon”originating from the Shoshone people’s story about fox and coyote both wanting to be the moon. It’s an interesting and fanciful story. Then there is the Cree who considered the February moon, “the old moon”.
 
The list goes on and on, with most names either representing the frigid cold or the lack of food for the native people. One of the most memorable ones is “the hunger moon” because it represents the simple fact that February was a month when everyone, even though they were starving, remained strong with whatever resources they had available.
 
But, I will say that the super snow moon remains a favorite, simply because it invokes a feeling of power. Now, that’s a much better way to look at this beautiful phenomenon.
 
So, when can you see the February super snow moon?
 
 
As with all the other magnificent full moons each month, the February moon shouldn’t be missed either. The moon will be at its fullest on Sunday, February 9, 2020, at 2:34 a.m. EST.
 
If you live in the U.S., this time or any hour close to this time may be a little late or too early for some. The alternative would be to view the fullest part of the full moon as late as you can on Saturday night.
 
Use these opportunities to get great images of the super snow moon. In fact, each month, don’t miss a capture of the full moon, compare them and notice changes in position, coloration, size, and beauty.
 
It’s been a while since I lay in the grass and stared up into the heavens, but I think I might wrap uptight and lay under the super snow moon for a while, careful not to fall asleep and freeze. After all, I’ve also heard this moon represents changes as well. We’ll see!
 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 18:59
Sábado, 25 / 01 / 20

7 Micromanagement Examples in Family, Friend Circles, and the Workplace

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 24th, 2020.

 
 


 
There are so many micromanagement examples because there are so many ways this controlling behavior can be used.

Micromanaging is basically a form of control, although it can seem a bit more subtle in operation. For example, those who are guilty of micromanaging usually don’t even know they are doing this. They see their hovering or helping as just that, helping someone improve their life. They do this even when no one’s asked them to.

Why is micromanaging wrong?

This sort of behavior is wrong for several reasons. For one, you cannot control what others do. Although you may succeed in controlling behavior for a while, ultimately, people are going to do what they want.

Micromanaging doesn’t allow people to learn. Basically, it does things for them or takes away their ideas and exchanges them for what the controller thinks is a better option. Just like these people aren’t always aware of what they do, we aren’t always aware of the signs that someone we know does this either. There are ways to discover the behavior, however.

What are some micromanagement examples?

1. You would have done things differently

Here’s an example of micromanaging: No matter how someone completes a project, you see a different way that, to you, would have been better.

Not only do you see this in your mind and roll it over in your head, you tell them about it. You tell your coworker, friend, or partner, that there would have been a much better way of cleaning at work or planning a party with friends. It doesn’t matter, because you think you know what’s best.

2. You have to know everything about everything

Micromanaging also includes the nasty habit of being aware of absolutely everything.

For instance, if a mother is a micromanager when her child returns from school, she will want to know every single detail of the child’s day. From the time they got off the bus until the moment they arrived home, all this must be known because this urgency, which a micromanager usually has, can be softened.

3. Help has become control

There’s a big difference between being helpful and being controlling. If you want to help someone, whether at work or at home, that’s fine. You can offer solutions and ideas.

However, if you force someone to do things your way right from the start, you are simply being controlling. There’s no pretty way to say it. For couples, controlling behavior that comes from micromanaging can become extremely fierce.

4. You’re making huge decisions for others

There are some things that even children need to decide for themselves. One example is when a teen is nearing graduation, and they have to pick a college they wish to attend. If you micromanage, you will push your teenager toward the college that YOU prefer, not the college that pricks their interests.

Micromanaging in this area can affect the entire course of your child’s life and their dreams. Think about it. What if your child wishes to play a certain sport, and the college you push them to join doesn’t allow them to major in that sport. You could scar your child and make them think much differently about you.

5. Removing motivation when mistakes are made

One of the typical examples of micromanagement is when motivation or morale is removed due to a simple mistake. This happens so often in the workplace, for example, when someone makes a small mistake that can easily be fixed.

A supervisor who micromanages will punish the employee for the small mistake, and not even show them why the mistake was made. This kills morale, and honestly, it can cause more mistakes to be made as well. This is one of the reasons that so many people are fired from their jobs. It can be avoided by eliminating micromanaging.

6. Mothers are too protective

Did you know that if you are too protective of your child, even as a toddler, you can sow seeds of dependence on others? That’s right. Micromanaging your child, for instance, on playdates with other children, will teach the child that you will always step in to save them. It will remove responsibility as well.

Hey, trust me, I know grown men who’ve been protected in this manner and cannot take the blame for anything. Mothers, in order to not be a micromanagement example, you have to let children work through their difficulties just a bit before you and the other parents step in to help and sort things out.

7. You’re making someone feel inferior

This example can be used with work relationships, family situations, and even couples. Micromanaging in a way that you are putting yourself on a pedestal not only looks stupid, but it also makes people feel inferior. It trains them to just go along with whatever you say because they are used to doing so.

So when they do have great ideas, you will be the last one to know about, and the last one to celebrate when ideas create something great worthy of a reward.

In reality, it is just control

Just face it, you want to control everything so everything cannot control you. It’s fear at its worst. At least that’s one reason why you, the micromanager, do this. So, you know that it must stop in order to live a normal life.

If this is not you, and you’re dealing with this, always remember your worth, and keep fighting to be heard. Try to show micromanagers what they’re actually doing to you and to themselves, and maybe they will be willing to get better.

I sure do hope so.


 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 02:00
Sexta-feira, 24 / 01 / 20

4 Examples of Sublimation That Demonstrate How It Works in Daily Life

Lauren Edwards-Fowle.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 23rd, 2020.

 
 
 
 
We all have thoughts and feelings which we know are ‘not okay’ by society’s standards. It’s a natural element of the human condition. What sets humans apart from animals is not a lack of animal impulses, but rather how we manage our animal impulses. One of the techniques we subconsciously use is sublimation. Following is a brief discussion of the theory and a set of examples of sublimation in progress, to help crystallise the concept in your minds.

The Theory of Sublimation

The concept of psychological sublimation finds its roots in the work of Sigmund Freud. Although his theories are contentious these days, there are some fascinating facets to his beliefs about the human mind.

Freud divided the human psyche into three distinct aspects. The Id, our ‘animal brain,’ is home to impulses and urges. The superego, which is the expression of society’s morality, engineers our behaviour to comply with morals, laws and expectations. Last but not least, the ego, which continually works to find the balance between the two.

One of the ways in which the ego balances out the Id’s impulses and the superego’s lofty ideals is through a set of defence mechanisms. These include repression, reaction formation, projection, denial, regression, intellectualisation, rationalisation, displacement and, you guessed it, sublimation.

What Is Sublimation?

But what is sublimation? In essence, it’s the phasing of one thing into another. In chemistry, it’s the transformation of a solid into a gas, in psychology it’s the channelling of inappropriate impulses into positive and productive behaviours.

Instead of reacting in extreme anger, you might clean the house, or go for a run. Instead of sexually propositioning a person, you might write poetry or dance. This can be done consciously but happens most of the time subconsciously.

The process of sublimation protects us from the anxiety around having unacceptable thoughts and urges, preventing us from being negatively impacted by them. Channelling animalistic and primitive impulses into positive outlets preserves our social relationships, our social standing, and essential elements of our lives like jobs and our ability to support ourselves.

It can also act on positive feelings if we subconsciously believe they are too good to last, to protect us from disappointment. In this form, sublimation can become part of the self-sabotaging tendencies people often subconsciously enact when things are going well.

Examples of Sublimation

Sublimation happens mostly subconsciously. We may, therefore, be unaware that this is one of our coping mechanisms. Still, most of the following examples of sublimation apply to the majority of people at some point or another in their lives.

Physical Activity

Competitive sports is one productive way in which aggressive or dominant personality types channel their impulses. Rather than fight or dominate other people, they metaphorically crush them on the sports field. It can be seen as a human version of the ritualised challenges for territory or females that occur in the animal world. A few examples of how sublimation works in full swing might be combat or contact sports and racing.

Often if people feel frustrated, angry, and scattered, or if they are sexually aroused, they go for a run, for a walk, to the gym, use their punching bag etc. These are also sublimation examples. In this way, our mind converts the unacceptable urge to lash out or to have sex with strangers into a beneficial activity.

Chores and menial tasks

Another typical example of sublimation is the conversion of inappropriate urges into useful, menial tasks that, let’s be honest, may otherwise never get done. Instead of being unfaithful to your partner, you pull the weeds out of your flower-beds. Rather than obsessively micro-manage your children, you purge and re-organise all of your belongings.

When you feel like yelling at or confronting your boss, you tidy your desk-space. If your anxiety is causing you deeply distressing and troubling thoughts, you scrub the kitchen and bathrooms clean.

Creative Pursuits

Creativity is a prevalent alternative to inappropriate urges and impulses, most frequently when it comes to sexual sublimation. Instead of sexually accosting a particular person, an example of sublimating your sexual desire might be turning to paint, drawing, sculpting, writing, or any form of craft.

Another example of using creativity to sublimate socially frowned-upon emotions is the transferring of depression, sadness, anxiety or addiction into works of art. Through poetry, story-telling, or other artistic pursuits, negative emotions are channelled into socially valued expressions.

Life-Paths

People’s chosen life-paths can often be expressions of their sublimated urges and desires. Successful managers or administrators have a strong passion for control, micro-managing and organisation. Another example of sublimation might be leadership roles. People in positions of authority often have a need to be obeyed, listened to, feared, loved or respected, that is satisfied through the successful fulfilment of their jobs.

On the darker end of the scale, someone with an urge to cut or harm people might train to be a surgeon, or someone with aggressive tendencies might join the military or the police.

Can we consciously choose sublimation?

Sublimation is, for the most part, a mature subconscious way of dealing with inappropriate urges and impulses. Using the above examples of sublimation and with the help of mental health professionals, train yourself to recognise it. You can then try to identify the urge or impulse your ego is working to conceal.

The crucial element in sublimating consciously is to accept, recognise and validate your feelings, before determining which activity to channel them into. There is no such thing as an inappropriate feeling, only inappropriate or harmful actions. Once you are aware of the urges your ego is hiding from you, you can consciously sublimate them into the activity of your choice.

 

Lauren Edwards-Fowle
 
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 

 

 
About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle


 
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 09:36
Sexta-feira, 24 / 01 / 20

Morning Depression: Why You Wake Up Feeling Depressed and How to Cope

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 23rd, 2020.

 
 


 
Did you wake up depressed and tired? The good news is there are ways to help. A diurnal variation known as morning depression happens to more people than you think.

Sometimes these changes in overall mood happen rapidly and randomly. The strange thing is, people often just think it’s grogginess or a normal process of waking up, but it’s not. Morning depression is characterized by several symptoms that may differ from the normal process of waking.


Symptoms of morning depression

This diurnal variation can cause similar symptoms to normal waking moods, especially negative feelings, but they are a bit different. First of all, a person with a case of depression that originates in the morning will have severe difficulty waking up. This can be even to the point of physically forcing oneself out of bed at all.

There will also be a difficulty in clear thinking, so talking about important subjects wouldn’t be advisable. Morning depression causes over-sleeping, and then when you’re finally out of bed, routine tasks will be hard to complete. It’s like a cloud is there already, hanging over your head before you even wake.

Why do we feel this way?

While there aren’t any rock-solid causes of morning depression, there are a few ideas about why this may happen. Hormonal problems may be the culprit of these issues, as you have two major players in the sleep/wake cycle: melatonin and cortisol.

If these hormones are displaced, say melatonin is more prevalent during the day, you will feel tired and fatigued. Melatonin is created to help you fall asleep, and if it’s not regulated correctly, your circadian rhythms will be off. This can greatly affect the way you feel the following morning.

Other contributors to feeling depressed in the morning could be substance abuse, medical conditions, trauma or genetic causes. There are many reasons, you see. So it’s important to understand how to cope with variation in emotions, so we can start off the day in the right way.

Ways to cope with this depression

1. Improving sleep environment

Making improvements in your sleep environment can change the way you feel when you wake up. This is because these changes help you sleep better, thus you feel better in general. Some things to consider when setting up your sleep environment:

  • turn off televisions,
  • keep the room dark and cool,
  • eliminate any other distractions.
  • Usually, your mood can be a bit lighter if you’re not still fighting sleeplessness.


2. Wake up earlier

If you have depression in the morning, and you sleep as long as you can before work, then change this. Instead, get up earlier and do something before you have to get ready for work. It really doesn’t matter what you do as long as it’s productive and you stay busy. Why does this help? It’s because doing something in the morning before work reduces morning humdrum and you feel more energized for your job.

3. Turn on the lights immediately

As soon as you wake up, either open a curtain or switch on an overhead light. Light is a great weapon against depression because of how depression interacts with vitamin D. If you can get up and quickly open that window, you are letting natural light come into the room and lifting your mood. It’s amazing how fast this works. After a while, depression in the morning will be greatly reduced.

4. Keep it consistent

Keeping your sleep patterns consistent, in the first place, eliminates much of the blues you feel when you wake up. It feels more natural to get up, and you stand a better chance of getting a full 6-8 hours of sleep during the night. Since the body and mind are connected, and the body needs enough rest, then keeping it consistent is just a smart move.

5. Refrain from caffeine before bedtime

Never drink coffee or soda right before bedtime. Although these beverages provide temporary energy, they can cause grogginess in the morning time. And when I say bedtime, this would actually be best consumed before 6 or 8 p.m. to reduce the chances of having an effect on your sleep.

6. Stop ruminating before sleep

You know those worries and situations you haven’t figured out yet, yeah, those cause a lack of sleep. Lack of sleep means feeling worse in the morning. Those thoughts you entertain for some time even for hours as you lay in the dark can also resurface as soon as you wake up.

This is because you’ve meditated on problems instead of calm meditations and trying to clear the mind. I’ve found that laying in bed thinking about shapes and putting them together is a good way to help me drift off to sleep. I usually feel better when I wake.  I think it’s because exercises like that are simplistic and calming.

7. Prepare for the morning routines

Before you go to bed, maybe lay out the clothes you will wear to work or your children’s clothing. You can prepare part of breakfast, you can make notes as reminders of things so you won’t forget, and stuff of that nature.

Did you know that those ruminations at night are sometimes trying not to forget something for the next day? Making preparations for the next morning can reduce depression simply because it reduces stress.

It’s time to wake up refreshed!

Wouldn’t it feel good to wake up with a spring in your step and a smile on your face? Yeah, I bet you pictured a silly cartoon character jumping out of bed. Well, it’s possible to get close to this feeling and ward off quite a bit of morning depression.

So, try these things, try something you haven’t done before. Instead of just falling into bed, try creating a place that your body and mind will enjoy waking up to. I know I’m going to try a few of these for myself.


 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
 

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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 09:35
Sexta-feira, 17 / 01 / 20

6 Narrative Therapy Tricks to Use to Calm Down Your Anxiety

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 17th, 2020.

 
 


 
 
Feeling anxious makes you feel bad about yourself sometimes. But narrative therapy shows us that many things are not as they seem.
 
During the struggles of mental illness, I fought for my self-esteem and worth, and I’m still fighting. And when I say “fought”, I mean, kicking and screaming inside my head. I also mean feeling like I was some monster for being different. I am no monster, and it took years to discover that.
 
The thing is, there are ways to separate yourself from your problem, and that’s what I had to do. One of those ways was the use of narrative therapy.
 
What Is Narrative Therapy?
 
You know, most people have never heard of this type of therapy. I know I hadn’t. Not until now. Anyway, narrative therapy does a couple of things to help you get past anxiety and other mental issues.
 
Narrative therapy was developed by a couple of therapists from New Zealand, Michael White and David Epston. Their basic beliefs in this concept were that most individuals aren’t bad, they make mistakes or have problems. There is no one to blame – there is no-one to blame, not even themselves. The therapist doesn’t seem themselves as better than the patient. They speak at the same level.
 
Now, this doesn’t cover the fact that some people really do choose to be negative individuals and purposely do bad things. Yes, they do.
 
But for those who are trying, and keep making the same mistakes, especially through anxiety disorders, bipolar disorders, or any other issues of this nature, narrative work seems to help them. It seems they’ve labeled themselves as anxiety instead of looking out at their anxiety as a separate thing.
 
How to use narrative therapy to heal yourself:
 
1. Unearthing the real problem
 
In so many situations, problems are vague. Anxiety can become a full force at the simple mention of a break-up, or a disagreement among family members. With therapy that focuses on a narrative – rather a story, problems can be solved a bit easier.
 
It’s like the term, “getting to the root of the problem”. Which, honestly, is exactly what it is. Before you can fix a problem or stop a process which could be a mistake, you have to remove the veil of uncertainty and find out what started the issues and how the problem progressed.
 
2. Change how you see your issues
 
So, let’s say you have anxiety. I bet you usually say things like, “ I hate having anxiety”, or “I’m such an anxious person” This is the opposite of what you should be doing.
 
Instead of seeing anxiety as something you have, visualize it as something that has an effect on you. You are not your problem. You are a human being, as good as any who just happens to deal with anxious feelings at times. Practice seeing anxiety as external.
 
3. See it as a battle
 
One narrative trick which serves as great therapy is the battle technique. When you’re going through something stressful and you make it out the other side, then cheer for your win! You have won the battle, and you’ve learned another way to combat things like anxiety.
 
Keep a record of all the ways you win your battle, and you won’t forget these things. You can also work on other weapons to use against your problems.
 
4. Using existentialism
 
When dealing with anxiety, you see the world as having a definite meaning to you. It does, in a way, and yet, it doesn’t have to either. What is the real meaning? What point is there really in what we’re doing and what we’re not doing?
 
If we fail, yes, we may hurt people or we may feel hurt within, but in the big picture, the meaning is what you want it to be. If you’re having anxious feelings, see the world as a different place, see your situation as a new one.
 
Your existence is just that, an existence, and this can be driven in any direction, helping you alleviate the anxiety of where you presently are.
 
5. Accept that you have negative feelings
 
Okay, there is one certainty that cannot be changed, and narrative therapy can help you deal with this. Yes, you feel anxious sometimes, yes, you lose your temper, but acknowledging the fact can help you see ways to make things better or learn to harness your self-control.
 
With anxiety, panic attacks may be extremely difficult to control, sometimes uncontrollable alone, but acceptance allows you to find ways to improve by yourself or get the support that is needed.
 
6. Name your problem
 
If you have anxiety, give it a name like “jitters”, or “flutters”. You may have to give it a darker name like “darkness” or “the monkey on my back”. Hey, I think that one is kind of funny, and can even help you laugh a bit during the suffering.
 
But basically, how this name-calling works is that it makes sure you never identify with your anxiety or other problems again. It makes sure you see those things as bothersome pests and you sometimes battle and defeat. It’s like a story of success, like a narrative and a therapy that really works.
 
What will your story be?
 
No one with an anxiety disorder feels okay about it. That is until they’ve found a successful way of dealing with all the symptoms. I think the worst part of anxiety is the lost time experienced when were so busy just staying calm – when we’re missing recitals, games, appointments, and other important things.
 
It’s also harsh when we refuse to invite people over, go to parties or even take forever to actually make new friends. Anxiety is, for me, my “monster”, and I hate it. It’s not me, and I will continue to try new ways to break out of its grip. Using these narrative therapies can help you too. Let’s try them together.

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
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brighteon.com
 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
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publicado por achama às 09:07
Quinta-feira, 16 / 01 / 20

7 Signs You Are an Overly Critical Person and How to Stop Being One

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted January 16th, 2020.

 
 

 
 
You may think that you aren’t an overly critical person until you read about it. If you are, you can learn how to stop.
 
I am an overly critical person. There, I went ahead and admitted a fact about myself. To be honest, in the last few months, I’ve realized quite a bit of unhealthy aspects of my personality. But instead of letting it drag me down, I choose to work on this issue and get better. Are you overly critical?
 
What is an overly critical person?
 
You won’t recognize that you’re criticizing and judging people until it’s been done to you, or until you start reading about the signs. You may think the way you operate is normal, and your intentions are to help others be better people.
 
But remember, every human is an individual, and criticism doesn’t change them, it shouldn’t. If anything is to be changed, it should be done by the one who wants to change. Do you see my point? Well, in case you don’t understand, read on…
 
Signs of criticizing way too much:
 
1. A negative upbringing
 
Unfortunately, so many of us were surrounded by negative people when we were children. Our mothers, our fathers, even extended family members constantly talked about other people, and judged individuals on one trait, or what they wear.
 
If you grew up listening to all this negativity, you may still think it’s normal to criticize people and judge them. Yes, this trait of being overly critical can be deep indeed.
 
2. Labeled a negative person
 
If the people who are close to you are saying that you’re negative all the time, then it might be time to evaluate yourself.
 
No, you don’t have to take everything a person says to heart, but when family and friends repeatedly tell you to stop being so judgemental, then you probably need to change that fact and try to be more positive. If you’re used to being negative, this will be hard to do, but it will be so worth it when results show.
 
3, Micromanaging is second nature
 
If someone in your household is repairing a window or cooking a meal, it will be almost impossible for you to let them do it without your help – moreover, it does not really help, it’s the fact that you will tell them all the ways they’re doing it wrong. You may even take hold of the tools or utensils and do a bit of the work to show them.
 
This is a glaring indication that you are much too critical of others and what they do.
 
4. You have a mental disorder
 
I hate mentioning this one again because it seems to be a growing issue. However, if you have a mental disorder, you may also have a problem with criticizing people. Paranoia will make youconstantly ask questions about how someone is completing a task. Anxiety will make you criticize almost everything, honestly.
 
I do this. If I don’t have consistency, then something is wrong. If someone looks shady, then I will say they’re shady. Yes, I am embarrassed to admit it, but mental illness can cause us to become extremely judgmental while we wish others weren’t so judgemental of us. So, when we fight the stigma, remember, let’s fight the judgment in ourselves as well.
 
5. Nothing is completely enjoyable
 
Do you know those people who go out and have a good time and come home smiling? Yeah, I’m not one of them. I want to be, and I want it so badly I could scream. You will recognize the overly critical person by the fact that they find something wrong with everything.
 
You could simply be going to see a movie, and they will complain about some trivial little things like too many previews. Ordinary people enjoy the movie and go home happy. No matter how fun the day is, the critical people will find the fault – we will find the crack in perfection.
 
6. You’re always moody
 
An overly critical person will always be moody, whether they have depression or not. That’s because not everyone else is doing things as you would do them.
 
For instance, a critical person can get angry because someone forgets to open the door for them. This could have been a one-time incident, but they will label it as being inconsiderate. There are so many things that moody people notice and it makes them even darker.
 
7. You complain all the time
 
A critical person will complain so much that they prepare themselves for the bad day they will have, no kidding. I got in the habit for a while of waking up and immediately wondering how someone was going to make me mad at some point during the day. I should have been thankful and thinking about all the time I had to get good things done.
 
Then when people come around, and something isn’t right, like you expected, you complain. You complain if you get too much attention, you complain if you aren’t, you complain if it rains, you complain if it stays dry and hot. No matter how wonderful the day is, a constant critical person will make it tarnished.
How do we stop this?
 
So, since I do this too, we gotta learn to stop together, right? I’ve been reading up on some material that’s starting to help me with this problem. If that critical thinking is deep-rooted in childhood, then when you start thinking that way, remember where it comes from and say a resounding “NO!”
 
What this does is it reminds you that you are not your ancestors, and you can see the world in a different way.
 
If you suffer from a mental disorder, then working with your therapist and telling them ALL the truth about your day will help them find ways to turn your thought process around. It’s all about your mindset.
 
I’ve learned that. You see, you’ve set your mind to bad, and gradually, with small steps, you can set it to good. Instead of saying, “Oh god, I wonder what crap I will have to put up with the day.”, say,“Oh, I am so excited to start this new day!”
 
For the complainers, practice finding at least one good thing about the person you’re criticizing. For the ones who criticize even their fun times, try to only have fun and ignore those pestering thoughts telling you that the drive was too long, or the bathrooms were too dirty.
 
It’s all about practice, you see. It’s bettering yourself a little bit every day. If you fail, just try again. Don’t let others’ negative remarks spark your negativity. Return a negative comment with a nice one. It will startle them and they will get confused. I’ve been doing this lately.

 

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com
 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

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publicado por achama às 18:45
Segunda-feira, 13 / 01 / 20

Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness and How to Do It

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

January 10, 2020

 



 
 
I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all been wronged in some way. Whether it’s a nasty break-up, betrayal by a friend, or an old school bully, once we hold a grudge against them, it’s hard to let go. Letting go of grudges is good for our health, but it’s hard to do.
 
We say we’ve forgiven, but we don’t forget. Sometimes, a grudge can last a lifetime. It’s time to start letting go of the grudges we hold and start fresh with a healthier new outlook.
 
 
We hold grudges for a whole host of reasons. Psychologists have suggested that we use grudges to define ourselves and excuse our bad behavior. We write off our coldness, mistrust and sometimes plain rudeness, as the result of past hurt.
 
Some suggest that we are holding grudges as a subconscious way to get sympathy and extra kindnessthat we didn’t get initially. This is especially true with victims of school-aged bullies. At the time, there was little support for the hardship. As an adult, if we tell our stories, others will feel bad for us. We hold onto our grudges towards these bullies, so we can keep re-telling the story.
 
While those reasons might require more intensive thought, some other reasons can be more superficial. We might consider holding a grudge to be a form of revenge. Never letting go of the grudge means never letting the offender get away with their crimes.
 
The reality is, those who wronged you probably aren’t even aware of your reserved hostility, or even worse, they don’t care. Instead of holding onto this pain, perhaps it’s time to work on letting go of these grudges.
 
Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness
 
They Serve No Purpose
 
If psychologists are correct in their theories on holding grudges, then we can see that the reasons are never beneficial. Holding onto the anger or pain won’t help us to heal from the hurt. It won’t undo the damage done in the past.
 
Grudges won’t serve as a kind of revenge. Even if the offender is begging for forgiveness, there is no benefit to YOU by never letting go of the grudge.
 
They’re Bad for Your Health
 
A number of studies have shown that holding onto grudges can cause a serious decline in health. Having a grudge to carry with you means you’re repeatedly becoming angry every time the memory comes to your mind. We certainly all know by now that anger has a negative effect on our health. Constantly recurring anger is dangerous.
 
Anger, and in turn holding grudges, can lead to increases in heart rate and blood pressure. When we’re angered, our body’s stress response is triggered, leading to a whole host of unhealthy chemical reactions inside us. If you want to keep your body healthy and safe, you’d better start letting go of some grudges.
 
They Consume Us
 
Grudges are just pain that we carry with us everywhere. As well as the toll they take on our psychical body, they also have negative impacts on our mental health too. Negative thoughts take over from positive ones usually. They consume more of our time and fill our minds with a negative voice.
 
Overthinking the causes, possible solutions, and the revenge you crave will make it harder for your brain to function. Your usually clear thinking will be swallowed whole by the anger and frustration you let ruminate in your mind all day.
 
Not letting go of your grudges will lead to anger, mistrust, and resentment leaking out into your current life. Your personal relationships will suffer. Your career will suffer. Progression can only happen when you untie yourself from the past.
 
How to Start Letting Go of Grudges
 
Take Charge of Your Needs
 
Instead of letting the hurt swirl around your mind all day and night, try going after what you really need to solve this problem. Depending on the length of your grudge and the situation you’re in, talking it out might not be an option.
 
Instead, try talking to yourself. If you can’t get closure, then you have to close the door yourself. This might be easier said than done, but it is possible. Remind yourself of what you’re losing by being angry so often. Notice how little you’re gaining.
 
If you are in a position to talk to the person who hurt you, then do. Be confident in yourself and your needs. Sometimes, you need closure for your wellbeing.
 
Tell this person how hurt you were by what they did and explain that it’s still chipping away at you. If they respond in kind, open up a dialogue. If they don’t, know your pain and this person were never worth it. Let go of this grudge.
 
Embrace Your Mental Strength
 
You can’t change the past. You can’t make the person who hurt you feel guilty. You can, however, change your own thinking. It’s time to get in touch with your own thoughts and slow them down when you feel angry.
 
Remember that your brain was able to create this pain, so it’s able to let it go too. Letting go of grudges is entirely down to you. It’s not going to be easy but letting go can be a choice. You can choose not to hate, or feel anger, anymore.
 
When the frustrated thoughts occur to you, breathe them out. Remind yourself that this person has no power, only you do. No more letting this person win, especially if they’re already out of your life.
 
Distract yourself when these thoughts occur and forbid yourself from dwelling on them. No more obsessing, no more giving any of your precious time to this person who did you wrong.
 
See It from Their Side
 
It might be tough, even painful to do, but sometimes it can be helpful to put yourself in their shoes. Understand what happened in the beginning from a neutral point of view and wonder about how you would have reacted from their side.
 
Remember, we have all done wrong in our lives. We’ve all caused hurt in some way, it’s almost guaranteed. We are flawed, and that’s okay. Don’t place yourself on such a high pedestal that you can never forgive others’ mistakes.
 
It’s also important to understand that a person rarely has malicious intentions when they hurt us, they just acted thoughtlessly or inconsiderately towards our feelings. Rarely are our offenders genuinely evil. Their behavior may have been wrong but trying to connect with the reasons behind their actions might help you find solace.
 
Find the Root Cause
 
Most of the time, when we’re having trouble letting go of a grudge, there’s a deeper cause that we’re missing. This pain we carry tends to reflect a deep value that we hold that has been violated.
 
It can be beneficial to learn why this matter hurts you so much. Once you understand what fundamental moral of yours has been violated, you can start letting go of this grudge. Deep dive into why this moral is so important.
 
Most importantly, if you feel that something essential to you has been violated, then you know this person doesn’t belong in your life or mind. They don’t deserve your thoughts, because, in the end, their choices do not line up with your beliefs and values.
 
Letting go of grudges can be hard, but holding on is dangerous. Allow yourself to release the past. Be optimistic about your future, without bearing the weight of an ancient grudge. You’ll be surprised to see just how prosperous you can be when your mind is free from the torture that is on-going anger.
 
 
References:
  1. https://www.usnews.com
  2. https://journals.sagepub.com
  3. https://www.psychologytoday.com
 

Becky Storey
 

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com

 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 
 
publicado por achama às 05:00
Sábado, 11 / 01 / 20

Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness and How to Do It

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

January 10, 2020

 



 

 
I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all been wronged in some way. Whether it’s a nasty break-up, betrayal by a friend, or an old school bully, once we hold a grudge against them, it’s hard to let go. Letting go of grudges is good for our health, but it’s hard to do.
 
We say we’ve forgiven, but we don’t forget. Sometimes, a grudge can last a lifetime. It’s time to start letting go of the grudges we hold and start fresh with a healthier new outlook.
 
 
We hold grudges for a whole host of reasons. Psychologists have suggested that we use grudges to define ourselves and excuse our bad behavior. We write off our coldness, mistrust and sometimes plain rudeness, as the result of past hurt.
 
Some suggest that we are holding grudges as a subconscious way to get sympathy and extra kindnessthat we didn’t get initially. This is especially true with victims of school-aged bullies. At the time, there was little support for the hardship. As an adult, if we tell our stories, others will feel bad for us. We hold onto our grudges towards these bullies, so we can keep re-telling the story.
 
While those reasons might require more intensive thought, some other reasons can be more superficial. We might consider holding a grudge to be a form of revenge. Never letting go of the grudge means never letting the offender get away with their crimes.
 
The reality is, those who wronged you probably aren’t even aware of your reserved hostility, or even worse, they don’t care. Instead of holding onto this pain, perhaps it’s time to work on letting go of these grudges.
 
Why Letting Go of Grudges Is Crucial for Your Happiness
 
They Serve No Purpose
 
If psychologists are correct in their theories on holding grudges, then we can see that the reasons are never beneficial. Holding onto the anger or pain won’t help us to heal from the hurt. It won’t undo the damage done in the past.
 
Grudges won’t serve as a kind of revenge. Even if the offender is begging for forgiveness, there is no benefit to YOU by never letting go of the grudge.
 
They’re Bad for Your Health
 
A number of studies have shown that holding onto grudges can cause a serious decline in health. Having a grudge to carry with you means you’re repeatedly becoming angry every time the memory comes to your mind. We certainly all know by now that anger has a negative effect on our health. Constantly recurring anger is dangerous.
 
Anger, and in turn holding grudges, can lead to increases in heart rate and blood pressure. When we’re angered, our body’s stress response is triggered, leading to a whole host of unhealthy chemical reactions inside us. If you want to keep your body healthy and safe, you’d better start letting go of some grudges.
 
They Consume Us
 
Grudges are just pain that we carry with us everywhere. As well as the toll they take on our psychical body, they also have negative impacts on our mental health too. Negative thoughts take over from positive ones usually. They consume more of our time and fill our minds with a negative voice.
 
Overthinking the causes, possible solutions, and the revenge you crave will make it harder for your brain to function. Your usually clear thinking will be swallowed whole by the anger and frustration you let ruminate in your mind all day.
 
Not letting go of your grudges will lead to anger, mistrust, and resentment leaking out into your current life. Your personal relationships will suffer. Your career will suffer. Progression can only happen when you untie yourself from the past.
 
How to Start Letting Go of Grudges
 
Take Charge of Your Needs
 
Instead of letting the hurt swirl around your mind all day and night, try going after what you really need to solve this problem. Depending on the length of your grudge and the situation you’re in, talking it out might not be an option.
 
Instead, try talking to yourself. If you can’t get closure, then you have to close the door yourself. This might be easier said than done, but it is possible. Remind yourself of what you’re losing by being angry so often. Notice how little you’re gaining.
 
If you are in a position to talk to the person who hurt you, then do. Be confident in yourself and your needs. Sometimes, you need closure for your wellbeing.
 
Tell this person how hurt you were by what they did and explain that it’s still chipping away at you. If they respond in kind, open up a dialogue. If they don’t, know your pain and this person were never worth it. Let go of this grudge.
 
Embrace Your Mental Strength
 
You can’t change the past. You can’t make the person who hurt you feel guilty. You can, however, change your own thinking. It’s time to get in touch with your own thoughts and slow them down when you feel angry.
 
Remember that your brain was able to create this pain, so it’s able to let it go too. Letting go of grudges is entirely down to you. It’s not going to be easy but letting go can be a choice. You can choose not to hate, or feel anger, anymore.
 
When the frustrated thoughts occur to you, breathe them out. Remind yourself that this person has no power, only you do. No more letting this person win, especially if they’re already out of your life.
 
Distract yourself when these thoughts occur and forbid yourself from dwelling on them. No more obsessing, no more giving any of your precious time to this person who did you wrong.
 
See It from Their Side
 
It might be tough, even painful to do, but sometimes it can be helpful to put yourself in their shoes. Understand what happened in the beginning from a neutral point of view and wonder about how you would have reacted from their side.
 
Remember, we have all done wrong in our lives. We’ve all caused hurt in some way, it’s almost guaranteed. We are flawed, and that’s okay. Don’t place yourself on such a high pedestal that you can never forgive others’ mistakes.
 
It’s also important to understand that a person rarely has malicious intentions when they hurt us, they just acted thoughtlessly or inconsiderately towards our feelings. Rarely are our offenders genuinely evil. Their behavior may have been wrong but trying to connect with the reasons behind their actions might help you find solace.
 
Find the Root Cause
 
Most of the time, when we’re having trouble letting go of a grudge, there’s a deeper cause that we’re missing. This pain we carry tends to reflect a deep value that we hold that has been violated.
 
It can be beneficial to learn why this matter hurts you so much. Once you understand what fundamental moral of yours has been violated, you can start letting go of this grudge. Deep dive into why this moral is so important.
 
Most importantly, if you feel that something essential to you has been violated, then you know this person doesn’t belong in your life or mind. They don’t deserve your thoughts, because, in the end, their choices do not line up with your beliefs and values.
 
Letting go of grudges can be hard, but holding on is dangerous. Allow yourself to release the past. Be optimistic about your future, without bearing the weight of an ancient grudge. You’ll be surprised to see just how prosperous you can be when your mind is free from the torture that is on-going anger.
 
 

References:
  1. https://www.usnews.com
  2. https://journals.sagepub.com
  3. https://www.psychologytoday.com
 

Becky Storey
 

 




 

About the Author: Becky Storey


 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 



Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:

 

 
 

A Trusty with Privacy Search 
Alternative to Google
startpage.com

Alternative to YouTube
brighteon.com

 
 



No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 


Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 


 

 

Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily

 


 
 
 
Free counters!

  geoglobe1
 
 
publicado por achama às 08:53
A Luz está a revelar a Verdade, e esta libertar-nos-á! -Só é real o AMOR Incondicional. -Quando o Amor superar o amor pelo poder, o mundo conhecerá a Paz; Jimi Hendrix. -Somos almas a ter uma experiência humana!

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